By Wilson, France

Since I know a bit about repairing electronic devices, the brothers and sisters often come to me when their devices have problems, and I can usually fix them. Once, a brother’s device had a problem, and I helped him check and repair it. The brother said, “You know how to do this? I wish I could learn to do these things one day.” I felt quite pleased and said, “It’s not that complicated. Once you understand the principles, you can learn quickly.” The brother nodded with admiration, and I felt a deep sense of pride and superiority.

Once, the brothers and sisters needed help assembling two computers and asked for my assistance. I thought, “Brothers Liam and Michael used to be in charge of assembling computers. Now that they’ve left, I’m the only one who knows a bit about electronics, but I’ve never actually assembled a computer before. If the brothers and sisters end up bringing the equipment over, and I don’t assemble it well, it’ll be so embarrassing! The brothers and sisters will think, ‘I thought you knew about electronics, but you can’t even assemble a computer.’” So I looked up some video tutorials on computer assembly to study beforehand, and I found a computer to take apart and reassemble. After a few practice runs, I had pretty much mastered the assembly and system setup of computers, and I heaved a sigh of relief. Soon, a brother brought over a computer, which was already assembled and just needed the system set up. I thought it should be easy. But when I started setting it up, I found that the system on this computer was a bit different from the ones I’d set up before, and I couldn’t get into the setup interface. I was afraid others would see I couldn’t do it and look down on me, so I kept my head down, tinkering around as I tried to figure it out. After a while, I still couldn’t get it to work. The brothers beside me were offering their opinions, with some suggesting this way, while others said it should be done another way. Some suggested looking up video tutorials, and others suggested calling Michael. These suggestions made me anxious. I thought, “I need to get this set up quickly. If I let others tell me how to set it up, won’t that make me look incompetent? Then the brothers will surely look down on me.” So I ignored them and kept trying on my own. After a while, one of the brothers phoned Michael. I wasn’t paying attention at all, but I happened to hear Michael say, “Hold down this key without letting go, and you should be able to enter the setup interface.” I did this and reset it, and soon, the setup was complete. Afterward, I reflected on what I’d revealed in this situation and felt I’d been quite unreasonable. I’d clearly not known how to do it but didn’t dare admit it, fearing others would look down on me. When others called for help, I felt they were denying my abilities, and I felt resistant. Reflecting on what I’d revealed, I felt a bit disgusted with myself. I thought to myself, “Next time, I can’t cover up and disguise myself like that.”

The next day, I went out on some errands, and a brother called me to hurry back, saying there was a computer that needed assembling, and they didn’t know how to do it. I immediately felt a sense of presence. I thought, “It seems like things just fall apart without me around! Even though I’ve never assembled a computer before, I have a background in repair, and I should be able to get to grips with the basic principles quickly. Later, I’ll explain the principles to them and show them that I still know more.” When I got home, I saw that this computer was different from the ones I’d dealt with before, and I panicked a little, thinking, “If I admit I’ve never assembled this type of computer before, will they say, ‘So there are things he doesn’t know?’ and look down on me?” So I explained the assembly principles based on my past experience, and how to operate it, but as I assembled it, I wasn’t sure if I was doing it right. I was so anxious that I started sweating. I wanted to call Liam for advice, but I just couldn’t bring myself to ask for help. I thought, “The brothers and sisters think I know how to do this, but if I ask Liam for help, they’ll be sure to think my skills aren’t good enough. Would they still hold me in high regard? Would they still come to me for help? No, I can’t let the brothers and sisters look down on me. I’ll figure it out myself. I should be able to resolve this.” So I read the manual while using my previous method to connect the wires and test it. But as soon as I connected the wires and turned on the power, smoke came out of the computer case, and I quickly unplugged the power. Brother Charlie asked, “What happened?” My face flushed, and I said, “I might have plugged in the wires wrong and fried the circuit board.” To give myself a way out, I said, “I’ll get a multimeter to check if it’s burned out.” When I got back to the room, my head was a mess, and I thought, “How did this happen? Not only did I fail to assemble it, but I also burned out the circuit board. I’m so ashamed. I don’t want to face anyone. If I knew this would happen, I would’ve called Liam for advice, and this wouldn’t have happened.” The more I thought about it, the more I regretted what I’d done, and I wanted to slap myself. When I came out of the room, Charlie was already on the phone with Liam, and Liam told him how to connect the wires. The solution was actually very simple, but I hadn’t thought of it. At that moment, I felt so remorseful, thinking, “If I’d just let someone guide me, I wouldn’t have taken the wrong path, but now that the circuit board is fried, we’ll have to replace it. This will delay the brothers and sisters from using it for their duties.”

Afterward, I reflected, asking myself, “What corrupt disposition did I reveal in these two incidents of setting up a system and assembling a computer?” I spoke about my state with a brother, and he pointed out to me, “When we know a little about a skill, we act superior. This is just like putting ourselves on a fire and asking to get burned.” Hearing this, I realized this was my problem, so I looked up God’s words related to this. God says: “Standing in the proper place of a created being and being an ordinary person: Is this easy to do? (It is not easy.) Wherein is the difficulty? It is this: People always feel that their heads are topped with many halos and titles. They also give themselves the identity and status of great figures and supermen and engage in all those pretended and false practices and outward shows. If you don’t let go of these things, if your words and deeds are always constrained and controlled by these things, then you will find it difficult to enter into the reality of God’s word. It will be hard to stop fretting for solutions for things you don’t understand and bring such matters before God more often and offer to Him a sincere heart. You won’t be able to do this. It is exactly because your status, your titles, your identity, and all such things are false and untrue, because they go against and contradict God’s words, that these things bind you up so that you cannot come before God. What do these things bring to you? They make you good at disguising yourself, pretending to understand, pretending to be smart, pretending to be a great figure, pretending to be a celebrity, pretending to be capable, pretending to be wise, and even pretending to know everything, be capable of everything, and be able to do everything. This makes it so others will worship and admire you. They will come to you with all their problems, relying on you and looking up to you. Thus, it is as if you put yourself on a fire to roast. Tell Me, does it feel good to roast on the fire? (No.) You don’t understand, but you dare not say that you don’t understand. You can’t see through, but you don’t dare to say you can’t see through. You obviously made a mistake, but you dare not admit it. Your heart is in anguish, but you dare not say, ‘This time it’s really my fault, I owe a debt to God and to my brothers and sisters. I have caused such a great loss to the house of God, but I don’t have the courage to stand before everyone and admit it.’ Why do you dare not speak? You believe, ‘I need to live up to the reputation and halo my brothers and sisters have given me, I can’t betray the high regard and trust they have for me, much less the eager expectations that they have held for me over so many years. Therefore, I have to keep pretending.’ What is such a disguise like? You have successfully made yourself into a great figure and a superman. Brothers and sisters want to come to you to inquire, consult, and even beseech your counsel about whatever problems they face. It seems that they cannot even live without you. But isn’t your heart in anguish? Of course, some people don’t feel this anguish. An antichrist doesn’t feel this anguish. Instead, they delight in it, thinking that their status is above all else. An average, normal person, however, feels anguish when they are roasted on the fire. They feel that they are nothing at all, just like an ordinary person. They do not believe that they are stronger than others. They not only think that they cannot accomplish any practical work, but that they will also delay the work of the church and delay God’s chosen people, so they will take the blame and resign. This is someone with reason. Is this problem easy to solve? It is easy for people with reason to solve this problem, but difficult for those who lack reason. If, once you obtain status, you shamelessly enjoy the benefits of status with the result that you are revealed and eliminated for your failure to do real work, you have brought this upon yourself and deserve what you get! You do not merit even one bit of pity or compassion. Why do I say this? It’s because you insist on standing in a high place. You put yourself on the fire to roast. Your wound is self-inflicted” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Treasuring God’s Words Is the Foundation of Belief in God). God’s words exposed me, leaving me deeply ashamed. In order to uphold my status in people’s eyes, I constantly disguised myself and put up a facade. Although I knew a bit about repair, I’d never actually assembled a computer. When the brothers and sisters asked me to assemble the computers, I was afraid they would look down on me, so I studied and practiced in advance. Then I understood a bit about the principles of assembling a computer. But there were a lot of different configurations, and I didn’t fully understand the performances and differences of each configuration. To avoid being looked down on by the brothers and sisters, when I encountered computers I’d never set up or assembled before, I didn’t dare admit that I didn’t know how to do it. I was afraid they’d say, “Aren’t you supposed to know about electronic devices? How come you can’t even assemble a computer?” To maintain my image of being knowledgeable about electronics and technology among the brothers and sisters, I kept covering up and disguising myself. With the first computer, even though I clearly couldn’t set it up, I didn’t dare admit the truth. I kept my head down, trying to figure it out by myself. When a brother phoned for help, I didn’t even want to listen. Later, when assembling another computer, I elevated myself even more, thinking that they didn’t understand, and I did, so I positioned myself as the “teacher,” explaining the principles and how to assemble it. I knew clearly this computer was different from the ones I’d assembled before, and that using the previous wiring method might not work, and I thought about calling Liam for advice, but I was afraid of losing the good image of being knowledgeable about electronics and technology in the eyes of the brothers and sisters. So I just struggled through as I tried to explain things and connect the wires, and in the end, a puff of black smoke emerged from the computer. My disguise was completely removed, and I could no longer keep up the disguise. Not only did the brothers and sisters see through me, but I also burned out the motherboard. This delayed the brothers and sisters from using it for their duties. It was only through the exposure of God’s words that I realized I was living in a satanic disposition and unable to even say a single honest word. I was constantly covering up and disguising myself, trying to uphold my good image of being knowledgeable in electronics and technology. By disguising myself like this, not only did I fail to hide my shortcomings and deficiencies, but I ended up exposing myself for who I really was instead, allowing everyone to see that I didn’t really understand this technology. They also saw even more clearly just how deceitful and hypocritical I was. As a result, I squandered my integrity. That’s when I realized just how foolish I was to disguise myself.

Afterward, I reflected further, asking myself, “What corrupt disposition was driving me to always disguise myself?” Then I read this passage of God’s words: “What kind of disposition is it when people always put up a front, always whitewash themselves, always put on airs so that others think highly of them, and cannot see their faults or shortcomings, when they always try to present their best side to people? This is arrogance, fakery, hypocrisy, it is the disposition of Satan, it is something wicked. Take members of the satanic regime: No matter how much they fight, feud, or kill in the dark, no one is allowed to report or expose them. They are afraid that people will see their demonic face, and they do everything they can to cover it up. In public, they do their utmost to whitewash themselves, saying how much they love the people, how great, glorious and infallible they are. This is the nature of Satan. The most prominent feature of Satan’s nature is trickery and deception. And what is the aim of this trickery and deception? To hoodwink people, to stop them from seeing its essence and true colors, and thus achieve the aim of prolonging its rule. Ordinary people may lack such power and status, but they, too, wish to make others hold a favorable view of them, and for people to have a high estimation of them, and elevate them to a high status in their hearts. This is a corrupt disposition, and if people do not understand the truth, they are incapable of recognizing this. Corrupt dispositions are the hardest of all to recognize: Recognizing your own faults and shortcomings is easy, but recognizing your own corrupt disposition is not. People who do not know themselves never talk about their corrupt states—they always think that they are okay. And without realizing it, they start to show off: ‘Through all my years of faith, I have undergone so much persecution and suffered so much hardship. Do you know how I overcame it all?’ Is this an arrogant disposition? What is the motivation behind putting themselves on display? (To make people think highly of them.) What is their motive in making people think highly of them? (To be given status in such people’s minds.) When you are given status in the mind of someone else, then when they are in your company, they are deferential toward you, and especially polite when they talk to you. They always look up to you, they always let you go first in all things, they give way to you, and they flatter and obey you. In all things, they seek you out and let you make decisions. And you get a sense of enjoyment from this—you feel that you are stronger and better than anyone else. Everyone likes this feeling. This is the feeling of having status in someone’s heart; people wish to indulge in this. This is why people vie for status, and all wish to be given status in others’ hearts, to be esteemed and worshiped by others. If they could not derive such enjoyment from it, they would not pursue status” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Principles That Should Guide One’s Conduct). From God’s words, I realized that the desire to always cover up and disguise oneself is driven by arrogant and deceitful dispositions. My arrogant disposition makes me seek others’ admiration and worship, and my deceitful disposition leads me to cover up and disguise myself in regard to my shortcomings and deficiencies, showing only my good side in an attempt to gain others’ admiration. It’s like the CCP, which is skilled at covering up and glossing over matters. No matter how intense their infighting might be or how many bad things they’ve done, they never allow the media to report it, for fear that the people will see their demonic countenance and stop supporting them. They also use the media to do their utmost to promote and glorify their image of greatness, glory, and correctness, deceiving and hoodwinking the people, with the goal of ruling over the people forever. It’s truly despicable and wicked! When assembling the computers, I also revealed a satanic disposition. To protect my pride and status, I didn’t own up to what I didn’t know or couldn’t do. I covered up all my shortcomings and deficiencies, pretending to be knowledgeable and capable of everything. This was all to make others look up to me. Wasn’t all this covering up and disguising myself deceiving and hoodwinking the brothers and sisters? Wasn’t I being just as despicable and wicked as Satan? Reflecting on this, I felt truly shameless. I constantly sought for others to admire and worship me so that they would orbit me, coming to me for everything and treating me with deference and courtesy. When the brothers called me, saying they didn’t know how to assemble the computer and asked me to do it, in that moment, I felt a strong sense of presence, I felt I was better than them, and my vanity was greatly satisfied. It was because I enjoyed that feeling that I did whatever I could to cover up and disguise myself, so people would look up to me.

I asked myself, “If I continue to pursue reputation and status, and enjoy others’ admiration, what will the consequences be?” I read these words of God: “God loathes nothing more than when people pursue status, and yet you still mulishly compete for status, you unfailingly cherish and protect it, always trying to take it for yourself. And in nature, is all of this not antagonistic to God? Status is not ordained for people by God; God provides people with the truth, the way, and the life, so that they ultimately become a created being that is up to standard, a small and insignificant created being—not someone who has status and prestige and is revered by thousands of people. And so, no matter what perspective it is viewed from, the pursuit of status is a dead end. No matter how reasonable your excuse for pursuing status is, this path is still the wrong one, and is not approved of by God. No matter how hard you try or how great the price you pay, if you desire status, God will not give it to you; if it’s not given by God, you will fail in fighting to obtain it, and if you keep fighting there will only be one outcome: You will be revealed and eliminated, and you will meet with a dead end. You understand this, yes?” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). God’s words clearly state the nature and consequences of pursuing reputation and status. Constantly pursuing reputation and status is, in essence, opposing God, and the result is meeting with a dead end. Because we humans are just small created beings, we should worship and look up to God, fulfilling our duties honestly and obediently. This is the conscience and reason humans should have. God has expressed the truth in the last days to embed His words in humans, making them our life, allowing us to live out normal humanity and become created beings who are up to standard. God does not want people to pursue reputation, status, or the admiration of others in the course of their duty. If I constantly disguised myself and pursued reputation and status, and I didn’t repent, change, or practice the truth, then I would surely be revealed and eliminated by God eventually. I thought about how most antichrists expelled from God’s house pursued reputation and status. They did not hesitate to damage and seriously disrupt and disturb the work of the church, eventually leading to them being expelled. Realizing the seriousness of this problem, I prayed to God, willing to turn my state around, no longer pursuing people’s admiration, but instead honestly being a small created being.

Later, I read another passage of God’s words: “If you don’t want to sit on the fire and roast, you should give up all these titles and halos and tell your brothers and sisters the true states and thoughts in your heart. In this way, the brothers and sisters can treat you correctly and you don’t have to put on a disguise. Now that you have opened up and shed light on your true state, doesn’t your heart feel more at ease, more relaxed? Why walk with such a heavy burden on your back? If you give out your true state, will the brothers and sisters really look down on you? Will they really abandon you? Absolutely not. On the contrary, the brothers and sisters will approve of you and admire you for daring to speak your heart. They will say that you are an honest person. This will not hinder your work in the church, nor have the slightest negative effect on it. If the brothers and sisters really see that you have difficulties, they will voluntarily help you and work with you. What do you say? Isn’t this how it would be? (Yes.) To always put on a disguise so that others will look up to you is the stupidest thing. The best approach is to be an ordinary person with a regular heart, be able to open up to God’s chosen people in a pure and simple manner, and often engage in heartfelt talks. Never accept it when people look up to you, admire you, give you excessive praise, or speak flattering words. These things should all be rejected. … How should you practice to be an everyday person, an ordinary person, a normal person? First, you should deny and let go of those things you hold on to that you think are so good and valuable, as well as those superficial, pretty words with which others admire and praise you. If, in your heart, you are clear about what kind of person you are, what your essence is, what your failings are, and what corruption you reveal, you should openly fellowship this with other people, so that they can see what your true state is, what your thoughts and opinions are, so that they know what knowledge you have of such things. Whatever you do, don’t pretend or put up a front, don’t hide your own corruption and failings from others, so that no one knows about them. This kind of false behavior is an obstacle in your heart, and it is also a corrupt disposition and can stop people from repenting and changing. You must pray to God, and hold up for reflection and dissection the false things, like the praise others give to you, the glory they shower you with, and the crowns they bestow on you. You must see the harm these things do to you. In so doing, you will know your own measure, you will attain self-knowledge, and will no longer see yourself as a superman, or some great figure. Once you have such self-awareness, it becomes easy for you to accept the truth, to accept God’s words and what God asks of man into your heart, to accept the Creator’s salvation of you, to steadfastly be an ordinary person, someone who is honest and reliable, and to establish a normal relationship between yourself—a created being, and God—the Creator. This is precisely what God asks of people, and it is something that is wholly attainable to them” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Treasuring God’s Words Is the Foundation of Belief in God). God’s words corrected my fallacious ideas and viewpoints, and showed me a path of practice. Before, I always worried that if I exposed my shortcomings and deficiencies, people would look down on me, so I would always cover up and disguise myself. But the truth was, even if I disguised myself and said nothing, my brothers and sisters could already see me for who I really was, and if I could speak honestly and lay bare my shortcomings, they wouldn’t look down on me. Instead, they’d see that I was practicing being an honest person and would respect and approve of that. I’d chosen to cover up and disguise myself, not daring to expose what I didn’t know or couldn’t do. As a result, when the truth came out, not only did I fail to gain the brothers and sisters’ admiration, but I made a fool of myself, causing others to dislike and despise me. Now I realized that my viewpoint was wrong and foolish, and that I needed to rebel against these thoughts and practice according to God’s words. In fact, normal people all have their shortcomings and deficiencies. Even if someone has worked in a particular field for many years and has become highly skilled at it, there are still times when they don’t know something. Having shortcomings and deficiencies isn’t something to be ashamed of. If someone knew everything and could do everything, they’d be superhuman. Also, because I thought I was the most knowledgeable about electronics in the group, and coupled with others’ praise, I started acting superior, but from a professional standpoint, I still only knew the basics. Thinking back, when Liam was here, he was more skilled with electronic devices, and compared to him, I was far less skilled. Yet, even he had to consult more knowledgeable brothers and sisters about certain devices he didn’t understand, making my gap in knowledge even more evident. So no matter how one might look at it, I shouldn’t have elevated myself. Instead, I should’ve faced my shortcomings and deficiencies properly, and been open with everyone so they could understand me. This would have been reasonable behavior.

Later, another device broke down, and a brother asked me to help repair it. After checking it, I judged that a part was faulty and replaced it, but after testing, it still didn’t work. I worked on it for a while longer, but I still couldn’t fix it. Then I thought, “Did I misjudge the issue? Should I call Michael for advice? He’s worked more on this type of equipment before, so maybe he’s encountered this problem.” But then I thought, “If I can’t solve this and need to ask for help, the brothers and sisters will definitely think I’m not skilled enough, and they won’t look up to me anymore. I can’t let them look down on me. If I keep trying, I should be able to figure it out myself.” When I had that thought, I realized I was trying to cover up and disguise myself again, so I prayed in my heart, “God, I haven’t worked on this type of machine much, and I’m not sure where the issue lies. I’m afraid the brothers will look down on me, and I want to disguise myself again. God, please lead me to be an honest person, to be able to face my shortcomings and deficiencies, and to actively seek help from others.” After praying, I called Michael to ask for advice. Following his advice, I checked and identified the root of the problem, and quickly fixed it. Practicing this way made me feel relaxed and at ease. On the one hand, I didn’t delay the brothers and sisters from using the equipment for their duties, and on the other, I consciously practiced a bit of truth by not covering up and disguising myself again. It was the guidance of God’s words that gave me the right goal to pursue. I’m willing to pursue and practice the truth, do my duties honestly, and be a created being that is up to standard.