By Liu Bin, China

In August 2023, Brother Zhang Hang and I partnered to supervise the gospel work of several churches. At the beginning, whenever there were issues in the work, I would take the initiative to discuss and consult matters with Zhang Hang. Zhang Hang had a sense of burden for his duties, and he would come to me to discuss issues and deviations in our work. He would also propose paths and solutions to resolve them, and I was able to accept and adopt his suggestions. Later, I noticed that Zhang Hang lacked skills in resolving issues and writing letters of correspondence, and I thought to myself, “Zhang Hang is new to his duty, so it’s normal for him to lack skills. I need to treat his shortcomings correctly and help him through more fellowship.” I helped him revise and improve his letters, and I often encouraged him.

But after a while, I saw that Zhang Hang still had some problems in writing letters of correspondence, and unconsciously, I started to look down on and disdain him. Plus, many of my solutions to problems and replies to letters were mostly accepted by the leadership, issues and deviations in the gospel work gradually improved, and there were some positive results in our work. This led to me living in a state of self-admiration and believing I had some work capabilities. Gradually, I stopped focusing on asking for or seeking Zhang Hang’s suggestions in my duties, thinking that asking him wouldn’t yield any good advice, and that I’d end up doing things my way anyway. After that, I started directing him on how to solve such and such problems and how to handle such and such letters, and I criticized him with disdain, saying he viewed issues too narrowly and only offered superficial solutions. Over time, Zhang Hang became somewhat constrained by me. I remember one time, I asked Zhang Hang to write a letter of correspondence and shared with him my thought process for how it should be written. Afterward, I found that he hadn’t written it according to my ideas, and I got angry, thinking to myself, “I already told you how to solve this problem, and the ideas and plans I proposed have been proven effective through practice. What you’ve written doesn’t solve the problem at all!” So I questioned him with an accusatory tone, “Why didn’t you write it like I said? The way you’ve written it doesn’t fix the crux of the problem and won’t resolve it.” Zhang Hang replied, “I wanted to write it according to your thought processes, but I tried several times and couldn’t write it well, so I wrote it based on my understanding.” I wanted to keep criticizing him, but I suddenly realized that I was speaking out of hotheadedness, so I stopped. Another time, Zhang Hang handed me a letter of correspondence he had written. I noticed some problems in it and, without realizing it, I felt disdain for him again. I said to him in a reproachful tone, “Look here, you’re viewing this issue too narrowly! And in this part, your fellowship did not get to the point, and it won’t resolve the problem!” After I said this, Zhang Hang lowered his head and didn’t say a word. Seeing Zhang Hang’s distressed expression, I felt a pang of guilt, “How could I have been so disdainful and critical of him? I can’t act like this next time.” However, when similar situations arose, I still found myself unable to help but look down on him. Eventually, Zhang Hang became quite passive in his duties, and whenever he faced difficulties or problems, he would first ask me how to resolve them. He even delimited himself as having poor caliber and as being unfit for the duty, and wanted to resign. Seeing Zhang Hang in this state, I realized that I was the one who had constrained him and caused him harm, and it was then that I sought the truth to reflect on myself.

During one of my devotionals, I came across two passages of God’s words: “I see many people who let it go to their head when they show some talent in their duty. When they show some abilities, they think they are very impressive, and then they live off these abilities and do not push themselves further. They do not listen to others no matter what they say, thinking that these small things they possess are the truth, and that they are supreme. What disposition is this? This is an arrogant disposition. They are far too lacking in reason. Can a person perform their duty well when they have an arrogant disposition? Can they submit to God and follow God to the very end? This is even more difficult” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Knowing One’s Disposition Is the Foundation of Changing It). “It would be best for you to dedicate more effort to the truth of knowing the self. Why have you not found favor with God? Why is your disposition abominable to Him? Why does your speech arouse His loathing? As soon as you have demonstrated a bit of loyalty, you sing your own praises, and you demand a reward for a small contribution; you look down upon others when you have shown a modicum of submission, and become contemptuous of God upon accomplishing some petty task. … Is there anything praiseworthy in your words and actions? Those who perform their duty and those who do not; those who lead and those who follow; those who receive God and those who do not; those who donate and those who do not; those who preach and those who receive the word, and so on: all such men praise themselves. Do you not find this laughable? Knowing full well that you believe in God, you nevertheless cannot be compatible with God. Knowing full well that you are utterly without merit, you persist in boasting all the same. Do you not feel your reason has deteriorated to the point that you no longer have self-control?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Those Who Are Incompatible With Christ Are Surely Opponents of God). God’s words exposed my exact state. I thought I had a deep understanding of issues and wrote letters of correspondence with clarity, and I often received affirmation from the leadership, which made me view myself highly, so when I saw numerous problems in Zhang Hang’s letters, I felt a profound disdain for him. When he didn’t write the letters of correspondence according to my thought processes, I didn’t ask for the reason but instead just criticized and upbraided him, insisting he write it my way. Because I kept criticizing and upbraiding him, he became constrained by me, afraid to express his opinions, and passive in his duties. He even delimited himself as lacking the caliber to do this duty. The truth was, Zhang Hang had been preaching the gospel for many years and had some experience in follow-up and guidance work, but because he was constrained by me, his existing strengths weren’t utilized. I saw that my arrogance had left me completely devoid of reason, and that I was just constraining and harming others. In what way was I doing my duty? This was clearly evildoing! I thought back to a few years before. When I was doing my duties as a church leader, and saw my work yielding some results, I looked down on my co-workers, always feeling that I had a better caliber and that my views were the most correct. I felt that whether the matter involved selecting or using people, arranging work, or handling affairs, everyone should just listen to me. I didn’t allow anyone to put forward differing opinions, and if anyone raised an objection, I would simply overrule their views, and sometimes I would upbraid and criticize them from a position of authority. This led to them all feeling constrained by me. Because of my arrogance, self-righteousness, and arbitrariness, I seriously disrupted and disturbed the church’s work. I saw that I had fallen back into my bad habits once again, and I became somewhat negative, thinking, “I can’t do this duty anymore. If I carry on like this, I’ll keep living by my arrogant disposition. This won’t only harm Zhang Hang but also disrupt and disturb the work.” I was wallowing in negativity and misunderstanding, and I became somewhat passive in my duties.

Later, I realized that my state was wrong, so I consciously sought God’s intention. I thought of a passage of God’s words: “Why does God orchestrate all these things? It is not to expose you for who you are or to reveal and eliminate you; revealing you is not the end goal. The goal is to perfect you and save you. How does God perfect you? And how does He save you? He starts by making you aware of your own corrupt disposition, and by making you know your nature essence, your shortcomings, and what you lack. Only by knowing these things and having a clear understanding of them can you pursue the truth and gradually cast off your corrupt disposition. This is God providing you with an opportunity. This is God’s mercy. You have to know how to seize this opportunity. You should not oppose God, butt heads with God, or misunderstand Him. In particular, when faced with the people, events, and things that God arranges around you, do not constantly feel that things are not as you wish them to be; do not constantly wish to escape them or always complain about and misunderstand God. If you are constantly doing those things, then you are not experiencing God’s work, and that will make it very difficult for you to enter the truth reality” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. To Gain the Truth, One Must Learn From the People, Events, and Things Nearby). God’s words made me understand that when God reveals people, it’s not to eliminate them, but to save them, so that they can know their corrupt disposition, pursue the truth, and achieve dispositional transformation. I saw how pitifully small my stature was, and that when I was revealed, I didn’t actively seek the truth to address my corrupt disposition, but instead became negative and ran away. This wasn’t the behavior of someone who pursues the truth! So I prayed to God, “God, I have been deeply corrupted by Satan. When my work starts to yield results, I see myself as superior, becoming arrogant and conceited, and disdain and criticize my partnered brother, constraining and harming him. God, I don’t want to live by my arrogant disposition. Please save me, and help me gain a real understanding of my arrogant and conceited nature so I can loathe myself and pursue dispositional change.”

Afterward, I read a passage of God’s words that directly addressed my state. Almighty God says: “Arrogance is the root of man’s corrupt disposition. The more arrogant people are, the more unreasonable they are, and the more unreasonable they are, the more liable they are to resist God. How serious is this problem? Not only do people with an arrogant disposition consider everyone else beneath them, but, worst of all, they are even condescending toward God, and they have no God-fearing hearts. Even though people might appear to believe in God and follow Him, they do not treat Him as God at all. They always feel that they possess the truth and think the world of themselves. This is the essence and root of the arrogant disposition, and it comes from Satan. Therefore, the problem of arrogance must be resolved. Feeling that one is better than others—that is a trivial matter. The critical issue is that one’s arrogant disposition prevents one from submitting to God, His sovereignty, and His arrangements; such a person always feels inclined to compete with God for power and control others. This sort of person does not have a God-fearing heart in the slightest, to say nothing of loving God or submitting to Him. People who are arrogant and conceited, especially those who are so arrogant as to have lost their reason, cannot submit to God in their belief in Him, and even exalt and bear testimony for themselves. Such people resist God the most and have absolutely no God-fearing hearts. If people wish to get to where they have God-fearing hearts, then they must first resolve their arrogant disposition. The more thoroughly you resolve your arrogant disposition, the more you will have a God-fearing heart, and only then can you submit to Him and obtain the truth and know Him. Only those who gain the truth are genuinely human” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). The exposure of God’s words made me understand that when people live by their arrogant nature, without experiencing God’s judgment and chastisement, their disposition doesn’t change, and at any moment, they will commit evil and resist God. Wasn’t that how I’d been behaving? I’d been able to solve some problems, and my writing skills were a bit better than others’, so I saw myself as superior, and constantly looked down on Zhang Hang. Whether it was a matter of solving problems or discussing work, I rarely sought Zhang Hang’s opinion, and even when I did, it would just be a formality. I always acted superior and gave orders to him. When I saw that Zhang Hang didn’t follow my thought processes to write a letter of correspondence, instead of considering what he wanted to express from his perspective, or thinking about whether there was anything worth using in what he wrote, or how to supplement and improve what he’d written to achieve better results, I just rejected his ideas outright and criticized and upbraided him, forcing him to write the letter as I told him. I treated my own views as the standard and didn’t allow Zhang Hang to have his own opinions. This caused him to be constrained by me, and when writing letters, he became over-cautious, and even started to delimit himself as lacking in caliber and wanted to resign. In reality, Zhang Hang’s thought processes in writing letters were valid at times, but he only fellowshipped things partially. I should have built on what he wrote to improve it, but instead, I rejected his ideas outright and forced him to follow my instructions. Was I not treating my ideas as if they were the truth? I saw how deeply arrogant my nature was. I was living by the satanic poisons of “Only I reign supreme” and “Only I am great.” Whether it was with Zhang Hang or the brothers and sisters I’d partnered with before, all I’d done was constrain and harm them, which also disrupted and disturbed the work of the church. Now I saw just how arrogant and conceited I was, and that I didn’t have a heart that feared or submitted to God at all. I was walking the path of an enemy of God. I thought of Paul in the Age of Grace. He had some gifts and talents in preaching the gospel, and he gained converts, established many churches, and wrote many letters. He took this as capital, and looked down on everyone. He even said he was no less than any apostle, and he often exalted himself while belittling other apostles. He became so arrogant that he openly testified that to him to live was christ. This offended God’s disposition, and he was cursed and punished by God. Hadn’t I behaved just like Paul? This realization terrified me. If I didn’t repent and pursue a change in disposition, my outcome would be the same as Paul’s, and I’d be spurned and eliminated by God.

Later on, I opened up to Zhang Hang about my state and apologized to him, and he also opened up about his own state. From then on, I patiently guided Zhang Hang on how to view problems and how to write letters, and sometimes, when he struggled to write well, I would help improve his drafts. By practicing this way, I felt more at peace and at ease in my heart. Reflecting further, I realized another reason for my arrogance was that I treated my gifts and talents as capital. I read that God’s words say: “When God created man, He gave various types of people different specialties. Some people are good at literature, some people are good at medicine, some people are good at studying skills, some people are good at scientific research, and so on. People’s specialties are given by God and are nothing to boast about. No matter what specialties one has, it does not mean that one understands the truth, and it certainly doesn’t mean that one possesses the truth reality. People have certain specialties, and if they believe in God, they should use these specialties to do their duties. This is acceptable to God. Boasting about a certain specialty or wanting to use it to make deals with God—this is too lacking in reason. God does not favor such people. Some people know a certain skill, and so when they come to God’s house, they feel that they are a cut above others, they want to enjoy special treatment, and they feel that they have an iron rice bowl for life. They regard this skill as a kind of capital—such arrogance! So, how should you view these gifts and specialties? If these things are useful in God’s house, then they are only tools for you to fulfill your duty. They have nothing to do with the truth” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Eight: They Would Have Others Submit Only to Them, Not the Truth or God (Part Three)). From God’s words, I understood that no matter what kind of talents we have, be we good at singing, dancing, writing, or preaching the gospel, these gifts and talents are all given by God. God gives us these gifts and talents so that we can use them to do our duties well. For example, I have some skills in writing, and I should have used my strengths to assist my partnered brothers and sisters to do the church’s work well. But I used these God-given gifts and talents as capital. Not only did I admire myself, but I also disdained and constrained Zhang Hang constantly, forcing him to comply with my ideas. My disposition became more and more arrogant, and I was completely lacking in humanity and reason. It was at this point that I realized that gifts and talents are merely tools to help a person do their duty well. Having gifts and talents doesn’t mean a person understands the truth or has attained dispositional transformation, and just having gifts without pursuing the truth, they cannot do their duties well, and they will still do evil and resist God. I treated the gifts and talents God gave me as capital, thinking of them as my own skills and abilities, without knowing my identity or position at all. I was truly shameless and had disgusted God!

Later, there was a time when we found some issues and deviations in the watering work, and we needed to write a letter to provide solutions through fellowship. After fellowshipping with Zhang Hang, I asked him to draft the letter first. When he finished writing the letter and showed it to me, I noticed some details were still missing, and I started to disdain him again. At that moment, I realized I was once again revealing an arrogant disposition. I thought of a passage of God’s words: “Do you think anyone is perfect? No matter how strong people are, or how capable and talented, they still are not perfect. People must recognize this, it is fact, and it is the attitude that people should have to correctly approach their own merits and strengths or faults; this is the rationality that people should possess. With such rationality, you can properly deal with your own strengths and weaknesses as well as those of others, and this will enable you to work alongside them harmoniously. If you have understood this aspect of the truth and can enter this aspect of the truth reality, then you can get along harmoniously with your brothers and sisters, drawing on their strong points to offset any weaknesses you have. In this way, no matter what duty you are performing or what you are doing, you will always get better at it and have God’s blessing” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). God’s words helped me understand that to achieve harmonious cooperation with others, I must treat each person’s strengths and weaknesses properly. When I see others’ shortcomings and weaknesses, I shouldn’t disdain or belittle them, but rather allow for our strengths to complement one another. This is how we can achieve good results in our duties. God has given each person different caliber and talents. Zhang Hang wasn’t good at writing letters of correspondence, so I needed to treat his shortcomings properly, and I couldn’t compare my strengths with his weaknesses. The truth was, Zhang Hang had his own strengths. He had been responsible for the gospel and watering work for many years, had accumulated a lot of experience, and had gotten results in his work. Yet, despite all this, he wasn’t arrogant or self-righteous, and still sought my help on issues he didn’t fully see through. When I pointed out issues in his work, he was also able to accept them. These were strengths I didn’t have, and I should learn from him. Realizing this, I was able to view Zhang Hang’s weaknesses and shortcomings correctly. Afterward, I revised and improved the letter. When I sent the letter out, I felt really good to have rebelled against myself rather than live by my arrogant disposition, as it fills my heart with peace and joy, and also doesn’t constrain or harm others. These changes I’ve attained have all been a result of God’s words guiding me. Thanks be to God!