By Lu Ping, China

In 2012, when I was a church leader, due to a Judas’ betrayal, I was arrested by the local police. The police tortured me for four days and three nights on end, rotating in shifts to watch over me. Whenever I started to doze off, they would hit me on the head with a ceramic basin, and they would yell at me and insult me. They pressured me to reveal who the upper leaders were, and when they saw I wouldn’t speak, they pulled my handcuffs backward with all their strength, and threatened me, saying that if I didn’t talk, my two children would be expelled from university. I didn’t fall for their tricks and said nothing. Later, I was so tired that I just couldn’t take it anymore. There was a ringing in my ears, and my head was buzzing. I heard one police officer say, “Let’s see if you can last one more week. We’ve got plenty of time. We’ll just keep you like this until you lose control of your brain and tell us whatever we want.” I was so dazed and tried hard to clear my mind a little. One police officer said fiercely, “If you don’t confess, we’ll send you to another province in secret, and your family won’t be able to find you.” Hearing this made me feel very afraid. I thought that if they sent me to another province, they would surely continue to torture me, and that if I died from the torture, I would have no chance of salvation. At that time, the police demanded that I give up the names of at least seven people. I was tormented so much that I could hardly stand, and I was afraid that if I lost control of my brain and revealed important information about the church, I would become a Judas who betrayed God, and that would mean an even heavier punishment. I thought, “The four brothers and sisters who were arrested a few days ago have already been fined and released. If I give their names, the police won’t go after them for a while. There was also another person who was arrested and sold me out in the past and has already been cleared out from the church. Even if the police catch him, because he doesn’t know any information about the church, the church won’t suffer any losses.” So I named those five people. To my surprise, a police chief slammed a notebook down forcefully in front of me and pointed at me, shouting, “Don’t mess around with me. These people have all been ‘educated’!” When some of the underlings saw their chief get angry, they wrapped my head in an electric blanket and stomped on my knees, then they tore off my shoes and socks, and hit the soles of my feet with a leather belt. One of them said, “If you don’t speak, we’ll shove sticks of bamboo under your fingernails.” With these words, he went to get the bamboo from the car. I was terrified, thinking, “If they really do stick bamboo under my fingernails, how will I be able to take it? It seems like they are determined to torture me to death.” I felt very weak. I thought about a brother who’d often hosted me. He was an old man and was only able to host gatherings at his home, so I felt that selling him out wouldn’t bring any great losses to the church. I wrote down his real name and address. They saw I had still not named many people, so they continued to interrogate me. At that moment, I became clear-headed, and my heart felt empty all of a sudden, as if I had lost my soul. I felt really afraid. I’d sold out my brothers and sisters like Judas and God wouldn’t forgive me, and my life of believing in God was about to come to an end. I hated these demons, and I hated myself for falling for their tricks. After that, when they tried to make me speak again, I firmly refused, and in the end, they let me go.

When I got home, I had no strength left in my body. I recalled a passage of God’s words I had read before: “Toward those who showed Me not the slightest loyalty during times of tribulation, I shall be merciful no more, for My mercy only extends so far. I have no liking, furthermore, for anyone who has once betrayed Me, much less do I like to associate with those who sell out the interests of their friends. This is My disposition, regardless of who the person may be. I must tell you this: Anyone who breaks My heart shall not receive clemency from Me a second time, and anyone who has been faithful to Me shall forever remain in My heart” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Prepare Sufficient Good Deeds for Your Destination). God is righteous and holy. I sold out my brothers and sisters like Judas, and I offended God’s disposition. I felt that God certainly wouldn’t want someone like me. Whenever I thought about how I’d sold out my brothers and sisters, waves of pain washed over my heart. The elderly brother had hosted me, but I had sold him out. I hated myself for repaying kindness with enmity, for being worse than an animal, and even more, I regretted my betrayal of God. During those days, I cried almost every day. I recalled how happy I had been gathering and doing duties with my brothers and sisters, but those days had gone forever. I had become a Judas spurned by God. I had committed an unforgivable sin, and I felt that even if I continued in my faith, God wouldn’t save someone like me. I didn’t even want to read the books of God’s words or pray, and whenever I thought about my life of believing in God coming to an end, I felt very miserable and despondent. I thought that my eventual death might bring me relief. Having sunk to such a low point, I heard a very gentle voice whispering in my ear, “As long as you have a shred of hope, God will offer salvation.” I quickly sought out God’s words to read. God says: “As long as you have a shred of hope now, then whether or not God remembers your past transgressions, what mentality should you maintain? ‘I must pursue a change in my disposition, pursue knowledge of God, never again be fooled by Satan, and never again do anything that would bring shame to God’s name’” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). Reading God’s words of encouragement, I was so touched that I broke down in tears. I felt so ashamed. God wasn’t treating me according to my transgression but was giving me the opportunity to repent. I had to continue pursuing. I could read God’s words at home if I couldn’t do my duties, and I couldn’t keep wallowing in despair. Later, I heard from the brothers and sisters that the police hadn’t gone after the other people I’d sold out. As for the brother who hosted me, when the police went to his home to arrest him, he heard the sound of them approaching and hid, so he didn’t get captured. Because I hadn’t caused significant loss to the church, I wasn’t expelled. I knew this was God’s mercy and tolerance toward me, and I felt so grateful and indebted to God. I found myself filled with regret and guilt. During the police interrogation, if I could have seen through their tricks and relied on God to hold on just a little longer, I’d have ended up much better off and not become a Judas, and I wouldn’t have left such a huge stain in my wake. In the future, if the police arrested me again, I would stand firm in my testimony, and even if it meant being beaten to death, I wouldn’t succumb to Satan or sell out my brothers and sisters.

In the late autumn of 2013, the county National Security Brigade instructed the local police to forcibly take me to the Public Security Bureau. On the way, I thought, “No matter what tricks the police use this time, even if they torture me to death, I won’t sell out my brothers and sisters or the information about the church.” When I arrived at the Public Security Bureau, the captain of the National Security Brigade interrogated me about the whereabouts of the church’s offerings, saying that if I didn’t answer, they would send me to the municipal women’s detention center. I saw they were after the church’s money. They were utterly despicable and shameless, and no matter how they threatened me, I remained silent. In the end, they let me go. After I returned home, they put me under constant surveillance, and they also instructed my family to watch me. For nearly two years, I couldn’t attend gatherings or do my duties normally. I felt somewhat downhearted, and whenever I thought about how I’d once betrayed God and acted as a Judas, that I could no longer do any of my duties, that I had no chance to atone for what I’d done, and that ultimately, I would be among those who would be eliminated, my heart ached as if it were being stabbed by a knife. I cried as I prayed to God, asking Him to guide me. Later, I remembered the hymn of God’s words that I’d often sung before “Trials Call for Faith”: “While undergoing trials, it is normal for people to be weak, or to have negativity within them, or to lack clarity on God’s intentions or their path for practice. But in any case, you must have faith in God’s work, and not deny God, just like Job” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Those Who Are to Be Made Perfect Must Undergo Refinement). I came to understand God’s intention. What one should possess through suffering and refinement is true faith in God. I had to submit and couldn’t lose faith in God, and even if I couldn’t go out to do my duty, I could write experiential testimony articles at home. Thinking of this, my pain lessened a bit.

In 2015, the church arranged for me to do text-based duties. One time, I heard Brother Zhang Ming talking about his experience of being arrested for his faith. He said, “Even if I’m sold out and imprisoned, I won’t sell out others. If I did, I’d be utterly lacking in humanity!” Hearing the brother say this, I didn’t even dare to lift my head. I felt a pain in my heart like I was being stabbed by a knife. This brother would rather be imprisoned than not stand firm in his testimony, but out of fear for my life, I sold out my brothers and sisters. This was an unforgivable transgression. The thought that God wouldn’t save someone like me left me in despondency. Later, I read brothers’ and sisters’ experiential testimony articles in which they pledged their lives to stand firm in their testimony for God, refusing to be Judases. Although they were bruised and battered, their strength in bearing testimony and glorifying God while they held their heads high was truly awe-inspiring. Then I looked at myself. I’d become a shameful Judas for the sake of bodily comfort, selling out my brothers and sisters and disgracing God’s name. I’d been truly selfish and despicable, worse than an animal, and unworthy of living! I was in so much pain, and I thought that one day when I die, I would be free and no longer endure the torment I was feeling in my soul. Soon after, my chronic stomach condition worsened, and my rheumatism in my legs flared up as well. The pain was so severe that I couldn’t sleep at night. During this time, the sisters I was cooperating with reminded me to seek the truth and reflect on myself. I thought to myself, “What is there to reflect on? This pain is God’s punishment and the retribution I deserve. Who told me to fear death and become a Judas back then? This stain will never be erased. No matter how much I pursue, I won’t have the chance of being saved like other brothers and sisters. I will just do whatever the church tells me to do. If I can labor, I will do so, and when my laboring is over, I will just die.” Because I wasn’t seeking the truth, I’d been wallowing in my transgression for years without feeling liberated. This matter felt like a thorn stuck in my heart, and just mentioning it pained me deeply.

In December 2023, I watched an experiential testimony video. The video contained a passage of God’s words that was very relevant to my state. Almighty God says: “There is also another cause for people sinking into the emotion of depression, which is that some particular things happen to people before they’ve come of age or after they’ve grown into adults, that is, they commit some transgressions or do some idiotic things, foolish things, and ignorant things. They sink into depression because of these transgressions, because of these idiotic and ignorant things they’ve done. This kind of depression is a condemnation of oneself, and it is also a kind of determination of the kind of person they are. … people who have done these things often feel uneasy inadvertently, when some particular thing happens, or in some certain environments and contexts. This feeling of unease makes them fall unknowingly into deep depression, and they become bound up and restricted by their depression. Whenever they listen to a sermon or a fellowship on the truth, this depression slowly creeps into their mind and into their innermost heart, and they give themselves a grilling, asking, ‘Can I do this? Am I able to pursue the truth? Am I able to attain salvation? What kind of person am I? I did that thing before, I used to be that kind of person. Am I beyond saving? Will God still save me?’ Some people can sometimes let go of their emotion of depression and leave it behind. They take their sincerity and all the energy they can muster and apply them to performing their duty, their obligations, and their responsibilities, and can even put all their heart and mind into pursuing the truth and contemplating God’s words, and they pour their effort into God’s words. The moment some special situation or circumstance comes along, however, the emotion of depression takes hold of them once again and makes them feel incriminated again deep in their heart. They think to themselves, ‘You did that thing before, and you were that kind of person. Can you attain salvation? Is there any point in practicing the truth? What does God think of what you’ve done? Will God forgive you for what you’ve done? Can paying the price in this way now make up for that transgression?’ They often reproach themselves and feel incriminated deep inside, and they are always doubting, always grilling themselves with questions. They can never leave this emotion of depression behind them or cast it off, and they feel a perpetual sense of unease about the shameful thing they’ve done. So, despite having believed in God for so many years, it’s as if they’ve never listened to anything God has said nor understood it. It’s as if they don’t know whether attaining salvation has anything to do with them, whether they can be absolved and redeemed, or whether they are qualified to receive God’s judgment and chastisement and His salvation. They have no idea of all these things. Because they don’t receive any answers, and because they don’t get any accurate verdict, they feel constantly depressed deep inside. In their innermost heart, they recall what they did over and over again, they replay it in their mind over and over again, remembering how it all began and how it ended, remembering it all from start to finish. Regardless of how they remember it, they always feel sinful, and so they constantly feel depressed about this matter over the years. Even when they’re doing their duty, even when they’re in charge of a certain job, they still feel like they have no hope of being saved” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (2)). After reading God’s words, I felt somewhat moved. Ever since I’d sold out my brothers and sisters, I’d felt a sense of guilt in my heart. This stain of being a Judas dug into my heart like a thorn, and I felt that God wouldn’t forgive my transgression or save someone like me. I felt so distressed. Although the church hadn’t expelled me for my transgression and still gave me the opportunity to do my duties, whenever I thought about my transgression, I found myself living in despondency and determined that I had no hope of salvation. I saw so many brothers and sisters who were able to put their concerns about life and death aside after their arrests, and I saw how they endured all kinds of torture without betraying God and lived with true nobleness, which made me feel ashamed and embarrassed. I hated myself for being worse than a beast, and I hated myself for lacking a backbone and for acting as a shameful Judas. Although I appeared to be doing my duties, I often thought to myself, “I am a Judas who has betrayed God. Will God save someone like me? Can God forgive my transgressions? Can I make up for my transgression by doing my duties diligently?” I felt that God must certainly loathe someone like me. When brothers and sisters talked about life entry and pursuing a change in disposition, I felt truly unworthy. I was troubled by my transgression for so long, living in a state of despondency without the resolve to pursue the truth. I was satisfied with just laboring a little to make up for my transgression. God’s intention is that no matter what situation a person encounters or what transgressions they commit, they can seek to change their disposition. Yet I misunderstood God and distanced myself from Him this way. In what way did I have any humanity?

Later, I reflected, “Why am I so despondent? What is truly the root of my problem?” In my seeking, I read a passage of God’s words: “People believe in God in order to be blessed, to be rewarded, to be crowned. Doesn’t this exist in everyone’s heart? It is a fact that it does. Although people don’t often talk about it, and even cover up their motive and desire to obtain blessings, this desire and motive deep in people’s hearts has always been unshakable. No matter how much spiritual theory people understand, what experiential knowledge they have, what duty they can perform, how much suffering they endure, or how much of a price they pay, they never let go of the motivation for blessings hidden deep in their hearts, and always silently toil in its service. Isn’t this the thing buried deepest inside people’s hearts? Without this motivation to receive blessings, how would you feel? With what attitude would you perform your duty and follow God? What would become of people if this motivation to receive blessings that is hidden in their hearts was gotten rid of? It is possible that many people would become negative, while some would become demotivated in their duties. They would lose interest in their belief in God, as if their soul had vanished. They would appear as if their heart had been snatched away. This is why I say the motivation for blessings is something hidden deep in people’s hearts” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Six Indicators of Life Growth). God has exposed people’s intentions in believing in Him. People endure suffering and expend themselves in their duties for the sake of blessings and for their future and destiny. Once they can’t receive blessings and lack a good future or destination, they become despondent, no longer pursue the truth or strive to practice the truth, and they even feel that believing in God no longer has any meaning. I reflected on when I’d first begun to believe in God, I made sacrifices, expended myself, and actively preached the gospel, and even when I was persecuted by my family, harassed by those of the religious world, and slandered by the people of the world, I persisted in my duty. I believed that doing so would lead to blessings and a good destination in the future. After I was arrested, I sold out my brothers and sisters out of fear of death and became a Judas, committing a serious transgression, and so I felt that God would no longer save me. When I saw I couldn’t receive blessings, I lost faith to strive upward and spent my days feeling like a walking corpse. Later, I did my duty again, but I didn’t do it to satisfy God. I just wanted God to see the price I was paying in my duty and to forgive my transgression and absolve me of my sin, hoping that in the future, I might have the hope of receiving blessings. I saw some arrested brothers and sisters endure torture and swear on their lives not to betray God, and how they stood firm in their testimony. Meanwhile, I had betrayed God as a Judas, and when I thought about how my transgression was detestable to God and that I couldn’t receive blessings, I stopped pursuing the truth and striving upward and wallowed in a state of despair and despondency. I thought of how Paul admitted he was the chief sinner opposing God after being struck down by God, yet he had no understanding of the nature essence of his opposition to the Lord Jesus, and he used his suffering, imprisonment, running around, and expenditures as capital to demand a crown and rewards from God. Paul’s intentions behind his suffering and expenditures were to seek blessings and to bargain with God. This wasn’t true repentance. I committed such a great evil by selling out my brothers and sisters, yet I still hoped to gain God’s forgiveness for my sins through my duty, and get an opportunity to receive blessings. I was truly unreasonable! With God tolerating me and giving me the opportunity to do my duty, I had to have conscience and reason, and do my duty diligently, and regardless of whether I could receive blessings in the future, I had to submit. So, I prayed to God, “God, I have always tried to bargain with You for blessings, and I have been truly rebellious and lacking in humanity. Even if You destroy me after I complete my laboring, I must still praise Your righteousness. God, I am willing to truly repent. Regardless of my outcome, I am willing to do my duty as a created being well, and to no longer pursue blessings.”

Later, I read a passage of God’s words and gained some understanding of God’s righteous disposition. Almighty God says: “Some people, when they’ve transgressed a bit, conjecture: ‘Has God revealed and eliminated me? Will He strike me down?’ God has come to work this time not in order to strike people down, but to save them, to the greatest possible extent. No one is without error—if everyone were struck down, would that be salvation? Some transgressions are done on purpose, while others are involuntary. If you are able to change after you recognize the things you do involuntarily, would God strike you down before you do so? Would God save people that way? That’s not how He works! Regardless of whether you have a rebellious disposition or whether you have acted involuntarily, remember this: You should reflect and know yourself. Turn yourself around, right away, and strive for the truth with all your strength—and, no matter what circumstances come about, do not give yourself over to despair. The work God is doing is that of man’s salvation, and He will not casually strike down the people He wants to save. This is certain. Even if there really were a believer in God whom He struck down in the end, that which God does would still be guaranteed to be righteous. In time, He would let you know the reason He struck that person down, so that you would be utterly convinced. Right now, just strive for the truth, focus on life entry, and pursue the good performance of your duty. There is no mistake in this! No matter how God handles you in the end, it is guaranteed to be righteous; you should not doubt this, and you do not need to worry. Even if you cannot understand God’s righteousness at the moment, there will come a day when you will be convinced. God works justly and honorably; He openly reveals everything. If you mull this over carefully, you will come to the heartfelt conclusion that God’s work is that of saving people and transforming their corrupt dispositions” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). I understood from God’s words that it isn’t that God punishes people immediately after they commit transgressions. God treats people based on the context, their intentions, and their essence. During the period of saving humanity, if people transgress and can quickly repent and change, and if they can seek the truth to resolve their transgressions and actively strive to meet God’s requirements, then God still gives people another chance. This is the principle by which God treats people. I was tortured by the police to the point of being semi-conscious, and in this context, I suffered a moment of weakness and sold out my brothers and sisters. This didn’t cause significant losses to the church or to my brothers and sisters, and afterward, I was filled with remorse and hatred toward myself. The church didn’t expel me and still arranged for me to do my duties. This was God’s mercy and tolerance upon me. However, in our church, there were two individuals who had been leaders for many years, who, after being arrested, became Judases and sold out their brothers and sisters. They not only felt no remorse, but also signed the “Three Statements,” and guided the police to identify and arrest brothers and sisters, acting as accomplices and lackeys of the great red dragon. They were devils in essence and were ultimately expelled from the church. From these facts, it is evident that God has principles in treating people. If a person gives up some unimportant information in a moment of weakness and afterward is able to feel regret and sincerely repent, then God still gives these people opportunities. However, those who betray God and have the essence of a Judas are tares that have crept in, and must be expelled and ultimately face God’s punishment. I didn’t understand God’s intention and lived in my own notions and imaginings, and I even misunderstood God and gave up on myself. I had been truly muddleheaded and unable to tell right from wrong or differentiate good from bad.

One time, I watched an experiential testimony video that really moved me. In the video, the brother sold out a host sister after he was arrested, and he struggled to put the pain he was feeling in his heart into words, so he reflected on why he had betrayed God and become a Judas. He found that he had done these things because of his fear of death. On reflection, I saw that the root of my failure was also my fear of death, a lack of true faith in God, and my lack of belief in God’s sovereignty. I read a passage of God’s words: “Who of the whole of mankind is not cared for in the eyes of the Almighty? Who does not live in the midst of the Almighty’s predestination? Does man’s life and death happen by his own choice? Does man control his own fate? Many people cry out for death, yet it is far away from them; many people want to be those who are strong in life and fear death, yet unbeknownst to them, the day of their demise draws near, plunging them into the abyss of death” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God’s Words to the Entire Universe, Chapter 11). I came to understand that life and death are in God’s hands. Whether I was to be beaten to death by the police was up to God. Even if I was tortured to death, if I stood firm in my testimony and gave glory to God, my death would be valuable and meaningful. The Lord Jesus said: “And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear Him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell” (Matthew 10:28). Although the physical body of a person may die from persecution, if a person can sacrifice their life to stand firm in their testimony, this meets with God’s approval. Just like the disciples who followed the Lord Jesus. They all suffered persecution for propagating the Lord’s gospel. Some of them were torn apart by horses, some were beheaded, some were stoned to death, and Peter was crucified upside down for God. They used their precious lives to bear resounding testimony to God, and though it seemed that their bodies may have died, their souls returned to God, and lived on in a different way. They shamed Satan at the cost of their lives. If I were afraid of being tortured to death by the police, sold out my brothers and sisters and the information about the church, and betrayed God, becoming a Judas, I would preserve my life but have no testimony of practicing the truth and submitting to God. I would also become Satan’s laughingstock. Though my body would live on, in God’s eyes I would belong to the dead, and in the end, I would still be punished in hell. I didn’t see through the meaning of death and compromised with Satan to drag out my miserable existence. The torment of my soul from eternal condemnation is far more painful than physical suffering. If I could sacrifice my life to stand firm in my testimony and bring glory to God, then I would truly be living as a human. In my reflection, I found that there was another reason for my failure. I thought that selling out some brothers and sisters who did unimportant duties or those brothers and sisters who had just been captured and released wouldn’t bring great losses to the interests of the church, but this viewpoint was incorrect. If my betrayal caused brothers and sisters to be arrested and then they were unable to endure torture, then they might sell out others, and then more brothers and sisters might be arrested. This is exactly what Satan wants. Satan aims to have more brothers and sisters sell out one another by using threats and temptations, leading more people to deny and reject God, ultimately resulting in people facing destruction by God because of resisting Him, and completely losing their chance for salvation. In reality, no matter which brother or sister is sold out, this act is becoming a Judas in nature, which offends God’s disposition, and it is an indelible stain in God’s eyes. Realizing this, I came to hate the CCP even more, and I also hated myself for not understanding the truth and being so pathetic.

Later, I sought how to treat my transgressions and how to practice in a way that I might receive God’s tolerance. I read a passage of God’s words: “How can you be absolved and forgiven by God? This depends on your heart. If you truly confess, truly recognize your mistake and your problem, and whether it be a transgression that you’ve committed or a sin, you adopt an attitude of true confession, you feel true hatred for what you’ve done, and you really turn yourself around, so that you will never do that wrong thing again, then, one day, you will receive God’s absolution and forgiveness, that is, God will no longer determine your outcome based on the ignorant, foolish, and dirty things you have done before. When you reach this level, God will forget the matter entirely; you will be just the same as other normal people, without the slightest difference. However, the premise to this is that you must be sincere and have a true attitude of repentance, like David. How many tears did David weep for the transgression he’d committed? Countless tears. How many times did he weep? Countless times. The tears he wept can be described with these words: ‘Every night make I my bed to swim.’ I don’t know how serious your transgression is. If it is really serious, you may need to weep until your bed floats on the water of your tears—you may have to confess and repent to that level before you can receive God’s forgiveness. If you don’t do this, then I’m afraid your transgression will become a sin in God’s eyes, and you will not be absolved of it. Then you’d be in trouble and there would be no point in saying anything more about this. … If you wish to receive God’s absolution, then you must first be sincere: You must have an attitude of earnest confession on the one hand, and you must also bring your sincerity and perform your duty well, otherwise there’s nothing to talk about. If you can do these two things, if you can move God with your sincerity and good faith, and have God absolve you of your sins, then you will be just like other people. God will look upon you in the same way as He looks upon other people, He will treat you in the same way as He treats other people, and He will judge and chastise, try and refine you just as He does other people—you will be treated no differently. In this way you will not only have the determination and desire to pursue the truth, but God will also enlighten you, guide you, and provide for you in the same way in your pursuit of the truth. Of course, because you now have a sincere and genuine desire and an earnest attitude, God will treat you no differently than anyone else and, just like other people, you will have the chance to attain salvation” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (2)). After reading God’s words, I understood how God treats people’s transgressions. God looks at whether people can truly hate the sins they have committed, whether they can truly repent to God from their heart, and seek the truth principles to do their duties well. God loathes people’s evil deeds, but He also cherishes their repentant hearts. Just like Peter, who denied the Lord three times during the Lord Jesus’ suffering; later, he remembered the Lord Jesus’ words and regretted his actions, and he wept bitterly as he confessed and repented to the Lord Jesus. After that, he accepted the Lord Jesus’ great commission to take on the burden of shepherding the church, and in the end, he bore the testimony of his love for God by being crucified upside down for Him. Peter truly repented before God and was perfected by Him. There was also the incident of David committing adultery. God’s righteous disposition came upon him, leading to continuous disasters in his family. He didn’t complain to God but instead regretted the things he had done to offend God, and he cried so much that his tears could make his bed swim. In his old age, a young girl served to warm his bed, but he didn’t even touch her. David truly repented before God. I was willing to follow the examples of Peter and David and sincerely confess and repent to God. I prayed to God to repent, “Oh God, my emotion of despondency has bound me for so many years, and this has been due to my failure to pursue the truth and my deep misunderstanding of You, and also due to my own numbness in not seeking the truth. Now that I have read Your words, I understand Your intention. I want to act according to Your requirements, to no longer misunderstand You, and to truly repent to You.” Afterward, I opened up to my brothers and sisters in fellowship about my transgression, dissecting the root of my failure. The church arranged for me to water newcomers, and I diligently equipped myself with the truth. When I encountered difficulties in watering newcomers, I prayed to God, relied on Him, and sought the truth principles. I witnessed God’s guidance time and again. I was so touched. Although I had committed a serious transgression, when I relied on God in my difficulties, He still guided and enlightened me, allowing me to experience the work and guidance of the Holy Spirit. I saw that so long as I truly repented, God would provide me with actual help. My heart was filled with constant gratitude to God. By seeking the truth and reading God’s words, I gradually emerged from my emotion of despondency, and was able to correctly treat my transgression.

After going through this, I realized that God’s treatment of people is like that of parents toward their children. When children are rebellious or make mistakes, parents do not constantly criticize and lecture them but guide them patiently, hoping they can walk the right path. When God sees people have transgressions, although His severe words contain judgment, exposure, condemnation, and chastisement, He also points out how to resolve transgressions to achieve true repentance in the hope that people can pursue the truth and attain salvation. God’s love for humanity is so great! Thank God! My ability to gain these understandings has been entirely due to God’s guidance.