By Zhang Qing, China

I was born into an ordinary family, and both my parents were farmers. Because my family was poor, others discriminated and looked down on us, so I have had feelings of inferiority ever since I was a child. My parents often taught me to study hard so that I could succeed in the future, and so that I wouldn’t end up living like them, spending my days tending to a small plot of land. I resolved to strive to make something of myself, stand out and live a superior life.

In June 2012, after graduating, I became a teacher, but my strong competitive spirit left me dissatisfied with the way my life was. During a meeting, I saw Principal Liu speaking eloquently at the podium. I turned around, and noticed many teachers looking at Principal Liu with envy and admiration in their eyes. I thought, “How much better would it be if I were the one speaking at the podium! But right now, I am just an ordinary teacher, just one of many, so I’ve got to work hard and put more effort into my teaching. That way, sooner or later, I’ll also take my place as a principal.” In the days that followed, I worked tirelessly, even using my break time to make lesson plans and study the teaching materials, and if any students in my class were struggling to grasp the material, I would sacrifice my lunch break and even stay up late to tutor them, until they could understand it. I was working around the clock, day and night, and every day I was so exhausted that my back and waist ached. When I got home, I’d be completely exhausted, and just collapse onto the bed. I really wanted to put down my work and take a break, but when I thought of Principal Liu speaking eloquently at the podium, and the looks of envy and admiration from the teachers, I’d spur myself on, thinking, “I’m suffering now to enjoy a better life later and to earn the admiration of others. This suffering will all be worth it!” So I’d grab my copy of “Educational Psychology” to study. Through my efforts, my teaching results ranked among the top. In the space of just three years, I went from being an ordinary teacher to becoming the head of a teaching research group, to technical director, deputy principal, and eventually I became principal. I was so happy! I wasn’t even thirty, and yet I already held a leadership position. For a time, the teachers and parents treated me with great respect, relatives, neighbors, and classmates all looked at me with envy and admiration in their eyes, and my parents held their heads high because of me. I felt really proud, and my vanity was greatly satisfied. Following my promotion, my salary also increased, my material wealth improved with it, and I bought many of the luxuries that had once been out of reach in my childhood. I’d finally fulfilled my childhood wish and was living a life that commanded respect. I felt that all my efforts and hard work had paid off.

However, later on, life didn’t turn out to be as wonderful as I’d imagined. After I became principal, though I appeared to have gained prestige and admiration, the position also brought me constant misery and exhaustion. As principal, business trips and social engagements became common, and to earn the respect of my superiors and to keep my position, I gradually learned to drink and suck up to others. One time, a leader of the education bureau said to me, “Just look at Principal Shao, she knows how to leverage her advantages to gain greater benefits for herself. Youth is an asset, but do you even know how to make the most of it? Women have to use their advantages to get further and last longer.” I knew that Principal Shao had been able to rise to the position of head of the education group in the education bureau by becoming the mistress of government officials. I was disgusted by their methods. Whenever I thought about the dinner parties, where I’d have to drink and listen to my superiors’ filth, I’d feel utterly repulsed and wanted to run away many times, but for the sake of my position as principal, I was helpless to do anything but comply. The school chairman would also often take me out for social engagements, introducing me to prominent figures in the education sector, ostensibly for the purpose of professional exchanges, but in reality, it was to make me their mistress and sell my body. I felt utterly disgusted. Every time they contacted me, I’d fob them off. But because I wasn’t going along with what they wanted, the chairman was extremely dissatisfied with me, and sometimes targeted me at work. Even though my work reports were done very well, and my business plans were well-structured, they’d always look to find fault, leaving me speechless. One time, I happened to see that my superior’s phone was filled with photos of me, and an indescribable sense of fear suddenly washed over me, and I thought, “Am I going to be their next victim?” I was terrified. I felt extremely tired every day, exhausted from all the social engagements and business trips, and I was constantly on edge, worrying about my superior taking advantage of me. I felt as if I were on thin ice every day, in as much pain as if I were walking on a knife’s edge. I was afraid that I wasn’t working hard enough to meet my superior’s demands, and that my position as principal would be in jeopardy. So I worked even harder to make my work perfect, to ensure my superior wouldn’t find any flaws. To achieve this, I worked day and night, sometimes without even having time to drink a glass of water for the whole day. I often felt dizzy and fatigued, and over time, my throat started to feel dry and itchy, and sometimes I would cough so badly that I would cough up blood. Even so, my thoughts were still focused on how to keep my position as principal. Day after day, year after year, the pressure inside me built up every day, and for a while, I suffered from insomnia. I felt I was on the brink of depression. My mother-in-law saw me like this, and advised me to resign as principal and find another job. She also preached the gospel to me, and she found a passage of God’s word for me to read. God says: “The fate of man is controlled by the hands of God. You are incapable of controlling yourself: Despite man always rushing and busying himself on his own behalf, he remains incapable of controlling himself. If you could know your own prospects, if you could control your own fate, would you still be a created being?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Restoring the Normal Life of Man and Taking Him to a Wonderful Destination). When I read the word “fate,” I thought of myself: The person I longed for as my partner was someone who understood romance and sentiment, but the person who entered the marriage hall with me was someone who didn’t understand the ideas of flexibility or romance, someone who lacked imagination and creativity. Since childhood, I’d always wanted to gain others’ admiration through my efforts, believing that this would bring happiness. However, after becoming a principal, I found that not only was I not happy, but I was even more miserable than before. I even fell into depression at one point. It was then that I realized that a person’s fate is something one can’t control.

Later, I read another passage of God’s words: “The Almighty has mercy on these people who have suffered deeply; at the same time, He feels averse toward these people who lack consciousness, as He has had to wait too long for an answer from humanity. He wishes to seek, to seek your heart and your spirit, to bring you water and food and to awaken you, that you may no longer be thirsty and hungry. When you are weary and when you begin to feel something of the bleak desolation of this world, do not be lost, do not cry. Almighty God, the Watcher, will embrace your arrival at any time” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Sighing of the Almighty). After reading this passage of God’s words, I was deeply moved. I felt that God understands people so well and I could see His love for humanity. I thought back on how I worked day and night to become principal, and how, after becoming principal, I often traveled for work and had social engagements, as I tried to fawn on and curry favor with my superiors. I was under enormous mental pressure every day. I couldn’t find anyone to confide in, nor any safe haven for my troubled soul. I talked to my mom, and she advised me, “You need to work hard and know how to handle things in front of your superiors. If you lose your job, the neighbors will look down on us.” I told my husband, and he just advised me, saying, “Things will get better after a while.” But as time went by, I found myself on the edge of a breakdown. Who could understand my feelings? It was through God’s words that I realized that only God truly understands people, and that He could feel my unbearable bitterness, as He told me not to cry or feel lost, and that He would embrace my arrival. I felt that only God truly knew my heart, and that I could share everything with Him, and my soul found great comfort. I wanted to investigate God’s work of the last days, but when I thought about how busy I was with work, I wondered when I would have the time. So I tried to pray to God and express my thoughts to Him, “Oh God! I don’t want to live a life like this, it’s utterly exhausting. Please open a path for me!” At that moment, my older sister called me and asked me to work at a kindergarten. It was the only public kindergarten in the entire county, and the school had the best educational facilities and teaching conditions in the county. Although I wanted to go, I had made many sacrifices to obtain the position of principal, so I felt it would be difficult for me to give all that up now. But when I thought about the aberrant actions of my superior toward me, I felt disgusted. So I considered going to this kindergarten, thinking that perhaps through my efforts, my new superiors would eventually promote me to head of the kindergarten, and then I would regain my status. This way, I could both investigate God’s work and earn people’s esteem. I’d be killing two birds with one stone!

In July 2019, I resigned as principal and went to the kindergarten. However, working in early childhood education wasn’t as simple and easy as I’d imagined, and I often had to undergo various training and competitions for basic teaching skills, so I was busy every day. In particular, when I saw the approving looks from the superiors toward outstanding teachers, I felt envious, and I unconsciously embarked onto the pursuit of gaining others’ esteem. I began to study piano, practice dance, and arrange various programs obsessively, leaving myself no spare time at all, and my intention to seek God’s work in the last days was pushed aside by my frantic work schedule. Later, through hard work, I quickly established myself at the kindergarten, and my superiors valued me highly. But being held in high regard also brought me distress. Sometimes my superiors would ask me to write for them some debate speeches and presentation scripts, but since during the day, I had to teach my students, I had to work overtime at night to rush the drafts. I was really tight on time every day. I also saw my colleagues around me smiling while hiding daggers behind their backs, as they competed fiercely for status. Trapped in this situation, I felt as if I’d returned to my previous life. My body remained in a state of constant fatigue and was under a lot of pressure, and it felt like my head was about to explode every day. I also felt sharp pains in my breasts, as if I were being pricked by needles. I felt utterly helpless, and my heart was empty. One day in October, the school organized a health check-up. When the doctor examined me, he said with a serious expression, “There are many issues with your breasts.” I asked, “Is it cancer?” The doctor said, “It’s not certain yet, but you should get a needle biopsy as soon as possible, as early detection means early treatment.” I felt as if the world had darkened, as I asked myself, “Could it really be cancer?” An inexplicable feeling of helplessness surged over me, and I collapsed to the ground. After that, I went to the provincial hospital for a diagnosis. The doctor said it was hyperplasia of the breast, cysts, and multiple nodules. They advised me to monitor regularly and have a check-up every three to six months, but they told me that if the nodules grew, I would probably need surgery. The report showed that at this point, the nodules were at stage three. The doctor said that if they were to progress to stage four, it might become cancer. The more I thought about it, the more frightened I became. I just couldn’t understand how someone like me who was barely thirty could get such a serious illness. I felt like the sky was about to collapse. My body felt heavy as I dragged myself home, closed the door, and lay on the bed. Tears streamed down my cheeks, and I kept asking myself, “What have I been working so hard for these past few years? Have I really sacrificed my health just to gain others’ admiration? What has others’ admiration really brought me? Why am I still living in such pain even when I have people’s admiration? How can I live a life that is meaningful and valuable?”

One day, in my pain and confusion, the brothers and sisters came to invite me to a gathering, and I began to participate in church life. I saw my brothers and sisters pursuing the truth and seeking a change in disposition under the watering and supply of Almighty God’s words, and I saw that they loved and supported one another, without competing for fame or gain, or scheming against one another. This was a stark contrast to what I’d seen in my work and at social engagements. I found myself drawn to God’s words, and I began to actively participate in gatherings and to live a church life. During one of my devotionals, I read these words of God: “In fact, no matter how lofty man’s ideals are, no matter how realistic man’s desires are or how proper they may be, all that man wants to achieve, all that man seeks for, is inextricably linked to two words. These two words are vitally important to the life of every person, and they are things Satan intends to instill in man. What are these two words? They are ‘fame’ and ‘gain.’ Satan uses a very mild kind of method, a method very much in concert with people’s notions, which is not at all radical, through which it causes people to unknowingly accept its way of living, its rules to live by, and to establish life goals and their direction in life, and unknowingly they also come to have ambitions in life. No matter how grand these life ambitions may seem, they are inextricably linked to ‘fame’ and ‘gain.’ Everything that any great or famous person—all people, in fact—follow in life relates only to these two words: ‘fame’ and ‘gain.’ People think that once they have fame and gain, they can then capitalize on those things to enjoy high status and great wealth, and to enjoy life. They think fame and gain are a kind of capital that they can use to obtain a life of pleasure-seeking and wanton enjoyment of the flesh. For the sake of this fame and gain which mankind so covets, people willingly, albeit unknowingly, hand over their bodies, minds, all that they have, their futures and their destinies, to Satan. They do so genuinely and without even a moment’s hesitation, ever ignorant of the need to recover all that they have handed over. Can people retain any control over themselves once they have taken refuge in Satan in this way and become loyal to it? Certainly not. They are completely and utterly controlled by Satan. They have completely and utterly sunk into a quagmire, and are unable to free themselves. Once someone is mired in fame and gain, they no longer seek that which is bright, that which is just, or those things that are beautiful and good. This is because the seductive power that fame and gain have over people is too great; they become things for people to pursue throughout their lives and even for all eternity without end. Is this not true?” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VI). “Satan uses fame and gain to control man’s thoughts, until all people can think of is fame and gain. They struggle for fame and gain, suffer hardships for fame and gain, endure humiliation for fame and gain, sacrifice everything they have for fame and gain, and they will make any judgment or decision for the sake of fame and gain. In this way, Satan binds people with invisible shackles, and they have neither the strength nor the courage to throw them off. They unknowingly bear these shackles and trudge ever onward with great difficulty. For the sake of this fame and gain, mankind shuns God and betrays Him and becomes increasingly wicked. In this way, therefore, one generation after another is destroyed in the midst of Satan’s fame and gain. Looking now at Satan’s actions, are its sinister motives not utterly detestable? Maybe today you still cannot see through Satan’s sinister motives because you think one cannot live without fame and gain. You think that if people leave fame and gain behind, they will no longer be able to see the way ahead, no longer be able to see their goals, that their futures will become dark, dim and gloomy. But, slowly, you will all one day recognize that fame and gain are massive shackles that Satan uses to bind man. When that day comes, you will thoroughly resist Satan’s control and thoroughly resist the shackles Satan uses to bind you. When the time comes that you wish to throw off all the things Satan has instilled in you, you will then make a clean break with Satan and you will truly loathe all that Satan has brought to you. Only then will mankind have a real love and yearning for God” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VI). Through the exposure of God’s words, I realized the malicious intentions of Satan. Satan uses fame and gain as bait to lure people step by step into the vortex of pursuing fame and gain, and as people suffer and struggle for these things, they become evil, deceitful, and slippery, losing the likeness of a normal person and ultimately falling into the abyss of depravity. I reflected on myself, and I realized that ever since I was young, I’d been indoctrinated with ideas like “Aim to stand out and excel,” and “Bring honor to your ancestors” and other satanic poisons like “Man struggles upward; water flows downward.” I believed that one should pursue fame and gain while they are alive, and that only by achieving status and standing out could one live a valuable and dignified life. I treated these satanic poisons as insightful sayings, and regarded them as my goals in life. When I saw Principal Liu speaking eloquently at the podium, receiving others’ admiration, I felt that it was impressive and wanted to become someone like Principal Liu. For this goal, I worked from dawn to dusk, studying the teaching materials day and night, and sacrificed my rest time to tutor students. Even though my body was exhausted and I wanted to rest, the thought of obtaining the position of principal and attaining fame and gain kept me going, so I’d grit my teeth and persevere. Eventually, through my hard work, I obtained the position of principal, and tasted the satisfaction of being admired by others. But gradually I came to live in a way that was completely lacking in human likeness. To keep my position as principal, I pandered to my superiors’ views, flattering and fawning on them, becoming more and more slippery and deceitful. Later, when I entered the kindergarten, I saw that colleagues who were more outstanding than me received the admiration of the superiors, so I felt envious again. I started desperately practicing the piano, dance, and the zither, and I always put in great effort into research for every public lesson and high-quality lesson, wanting to stand out from the crowd and gain the admiration of those around me. I toiled day and night for fame and gain, losing sight of the basic requirements of human comportment, as I conformed to Satan’s principles of survival and became slippery and deceitful. I was completely blinded by fame, gain, and status, as these things came to control my thoughts to make me happy to pay a price for them. I saw fame, gain, and status as more important than anything else, and even though I knew about God’s work of the last days, I didn’t seek to investigate. I was truly ignorant and foolish! I thought of my younger brother, who ran in the election for a high school principal, and how many sleepless nights he spent preparing his speech for the election. He spent his days racking his brain on planning what gifts to give his superiors, and during dinners and social engagements, he was always trying to come up with new ways to flatter them. When he saw that several of the other candidates were giving gifts worth hundreds of thousands to the superiors, he felt utterly helpless, as he was afraid that his gifts wouldn’t impress the superiors and that he would lose his shot at the principal position, so he lived in a state of pain and helplessness. I also thought of my upper superior, who, due to the frequent dinner parties and drinking, developed serious diabetes later. He ended up having to control his blood sugar with insulin injections every day, and he also often experienced heartburn and unbearable stomach pain…. These vivid examples made me see clearly that fame, gain, and status are indeed means by which Satan corrupts and harms people, and that these are traps set by Satan for people, luring people to spend their lives desperately pursuing fame, gain, and status. If I kept on this wrong path, I’d ultimately lose my chance at salvation and head toward ruin and destruction. Having understood this, I resolved to properly believe in God, eat and drink His words, and walk the right path of life.

In 2022, due to the severe pandemic, I couldn’t go out, so I stayed at home, eating and drinking God’s words and equipping myself with the truth, and I felt very at ease and fulfilled in my heart. Without realizing it, my sleep returned to normal, and the pain in my breasts also lessened. I felt very grateful to God. After the pandemic restrictions were lifted, I returned to work at the school, but I no longer wanted to climb to a high position, and just wanted to be an ordinary teacher. One day not long after, there was a competition organized by the county education bureau for the position of kindergarten business director. My superior quietly said to me, “In a bit, you’ll go up to compete. With your work capabilities, this position is meant for you.” Upon hearing this, I felt eager to participate, thinking that if I really succeeded in the competition, I’d gain the admiration of others and enjoy both fame and gain just as I had before. “Why shouldn’t I?” I thought to myself. But then I remembered that the church assigned me to oversee several groups for their gatherings, so if I became director, how would I have time for gatherings and to do my duties? At that moment, I recalled what the Lord Jesus said: “What is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?” (Matthew 16:26). Reflecting on this scripture, I gained some insights. People come to this world, and they spend their days being constantly busy, vying for fame and gain. Even if they have high status, earn vast fortunes, and have the whole world, they end up with illnesses all over their body from exhaustion, ultimately losing their lives. Isn’t that all just in vain? Thinking back on my journey from being an ordinary teacher to becoming a principal, in name, I was the leader of the teachers, but once I actually sat in that leadership position, things weren’t as perfect as I’d imagined they’d be. Although my salary increased and people looked up to me, I spent my days utterly exhausted, suffering from health issues, and mentally on the brink of depression. None of this money and status could relieve my suffering at all. Instead, they just left me feeling increasingly empty and helpless. I thought of my partner, Ms. Liang, who was outstanding in every way, and who eventually became the head of the teaching and research group. But during a health check-up, she was found to have stage-four thyroid nodule, which was suspected to be a malignant tumor. She had to rely on medication for treatment for the rest of her life and also had to go to the hospital for regular needle biopsies. Then I thought of my good friend, Ms. Du, who was young and beautiful. She was indispensable in every school performance and activity, and she was also a favorite among the superiors. She enjoyed seemingly limitless glory. But later, she developed acute leukemia and was in critical condition. The more I thought about it, the more I felt that fame and gain were worthless, and that even if a person attains fame, gain, and status, if they ultimately lose their health, all that fame and wealth and all those gains are useless. I thought to myself, “If I were to compete for the position of the director and climb to a higher position again, wouldn’t that just lead me further along the path of pursuing fame, gain, and status? No matter how high the position or how sought after I become, I’d just be walking a road of no return, leading to my destruction.” With this in mind, I decided to pull out of the competition. That moment, I felt a great sense of ease and brightened in my heart, as if I had broken free of shackles I had been wearing for a long time, feeling truly relaxed and liberated.

Later, I read these words of God: “How should you live your life? How should you love God, and use this love to satisfy His intentions? There is no greater matter in your life. Above all, you must have such aspirations and perseverance, and should not be like those who are spineless weaklings. You must learn how to experience a meaningful life and experience meaningful truths, and should not treat yourself perfunctorily in that way. Without you realizing it, your life will pass you by; after that, will you have another opportunity to love God? Can man love God after he is dead? You must have the same aspirations and conscience as Peter; your life must be meaningful, and you must not play games with yourself” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Experiences of Peter: His Knowledge of Chastisement and Judgment). From God’s words, I felt His hopes for humanity. I thought about how I had lived for fame, gain, and status before. I no longer wanted to live that kind of life. In the last days, all of God’s many words are for the needs of humanity. People can only live out a true human likeness by practicing according to God’s words. My being able to do my duty in the church is God’s exaltation, and doing my duty is my mission and responsibility. I should do my duty well in accordance with God’s requirements, earnestly pursue the truth and live out some human likeness, and be someone who listens to God and submits to Him.

In March 2023, I was elected as a church leader. Because being a leader was quite busy and I was still working as a teacher, I always felt as if there weren’t enough hours in the day. So I had thoughts of resigning from my job as a teacher, but then I thought about what my relatives and neighbors would think of me if I resigned. Would they say I was foolish for giving up such a good job? Maybe they would even gossip or sneer at me behind my back! Wouldn’t I just become a laughingstock in people’s idle conversations? The more I thought about it, the more distressed I became, and for a time, I didn’t know what to do. Later, I came across a passage of God’s words, and I felt brightened. Almighty God says: “If someone’s social status is very low, their family is very poor, and they have a low level of education, yet they believe in God in a down-to-earth manner, and they love the truth and positive things, then in God’s eyes is their worth high or low, is it noble or lowly? They are valuable. Looking at it from this perspective, what does someone’s worth—whether high or low, noble or lowly—depend on? It depends on how God sees you. If God sees you as someone who pursues the truth, then you have worth and are valuable—you are a valuable vessel. If God sees that you do not pursue the truth and you do not sincerely expend yourself for Him, then you are worthless and are not valuable—you are a lowly vessel. No matter how highly educated you are or how high your status in society is, if you don’t pursue or understand the truth, then your worth can never be high; even if many people support you, praise you, and adore you, you are still a contemptible wretch. So, why does God see people this way? Why is such a ‘noble’ person, with such a high status in society, with so many people praising and admiring them, with even their prestige being so high, seen by God as lowly? Why is the way God sees people totally contrary to the views people have of others? Is God setting Himself against people on purpose? Absolutely not. It’s because God is truth, God is righteousness, whereas man is corrupt and has no truth or righteousness, and God measures man by His own standard, and His standard for measuring man is the truth. It may sound a little abstract to say that, so to say it another way, God’s standard of measurement is based on a person’s attitude toward God, their attitude toward truth, and their attitude toward positive things—this is no longer abstract” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Seven: They Are Wicked, Insidious, and Deceitful (Part One)). After reading God’s words, I realized that being able to come before God today and perform the duty of a created being is the greatest blessing. God doesn’t measure people based on how high their status or position is in the world, or on how many people look up to or worship them. God looks at whether a person can come before Him, hear His voice, and accept His salvation, and whether a person can pursue the truth in their faith and love positive things. If one can come before God and act according to His requirements, then that person is precious in God’s eyes. God treasures such people. Conversely, if a person has a high social status and great power, but doesn’t come before God or accept His salvation, then such a person is detestable to God, because the only things they live out are evil and negative things. Realizing this, I felt a great sense of liberation. Being able to expend myself wholeheartedly for God is a tremendous blessing. Only by walking the path of pursuing the truth in God’s house to be able to view people and things, comport oneself, and act based on God’s words can such a pursuit be meaningful and valuable. So I submitted my resignation to my superior without any further hesitation. After some time, my resignation was approved, and I devoted myself to my duties in the church full-time. I thank God for rescuing me from the bonds of fame, gain, and status, and for helping me find the right direction in life!