By Tian Xin, China

Almighty God says: “Whether the words spoken by God be plain or profound in outward appearance, they are all truths indispensable to man’s life entry; they are the fount of living waters that enables man to survive in both spirit and flesh. They provide what man needs to stay alive; the principles and creed for conducting his daily life; the path he must take to salvation, as well as its goal and direction; every truth that he should possess as a created being before God; and every truth about how man submits to and worships God. They are the guarantee that ensures man’s survival, they are man’s daily bread, and they are also the sturdy support that enables man to be strong and stand up” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. Preface). In the past, when I read this passage of God’s words, I didn’t have a practical understanding of it or truly grasp the meaning of God’s words. Later, when the church faced a large-scale crackdown, I lived in cowardice and fear and didn’t have the courage to do my duty, and it was God’s words that gave me faith and led me to rise up from negativity and weakness. I no longer feared Satan’s evil forces, and by relying on God, I handled the aftermath work well. Through this experience, I gained some practical understanding of God’s authority.

It was early August 2019. The general affairs deacon was being followed and couldn’t continue doing his duty, so the district leaders asked me to take over the general affairs work. On the 19th, I noticed that the district leaders hadn’t contacted the churches for two days, and in the past few days, I’d heard successively that over ten brothers and sisters had been arrested. These people had been in frequent contact with the district leaders before their arrest. Thinking about how the police often track and monitor believers for a long time to get to know their details before carrying out a coordinated crackdown, I had a bad feeling, thinking, “Could the district leaders also have been arrested?” I hurried to Sister Yuan Ling’s house. As soon as I saw her, she anxiously said to me, “Something’s happened! Three district leaders and the general affairs personnel have been arrested.” My heart lurched, “It really happened! They know too many people and their homes. We need to immediately tell the brothers and sisters to hide and relocate.” After I finished notifying them, while I was walking home, I felt nervous and scared, thinking, “So many brothers and sisters have been arrested this time in a row, the police must have been monitoring them for a long time before arresting them. Before this happened, I was meeting with the district leaders every day. There are surveillance cameras everywhere, and I’m always running about, so it’s very likely that the police are monitoring me as well. Maybe I’ll be the next one to be arrested.” I thought about the brothers and sisters who’d been tortured after their arrest, with some even dying miserably at the claws of the great red dragon, and the more I thought about it, the more scared I became, thinking, “What if I get arrested, and the police force me to sell out my brothers and sisters? What if I can’t withstand the torture and become a Judas? Wouldn’t that be the end of my journey of faith? No, I need to stop doing my duty and go into hiding for a while.” As I thought this, I felt guilty. Now that the district leaders and the general affairs personnel had been arrested, several churches had fallen out of contact, the brothers and sisters weren’t able to eat or drink the latest words of God, and the brothers and sisters at risk needed to relocate immediately. I couldn’t stop now. But when I thought about how I might also be under surveillance, I felt conflicted. So I prayed to God, “Oh God, I feel timid in this situation, but I know I can’t back down. Please guide me to cast out the fear in my heart.” After praying, I thought of some of God’s words: “Of everything that occurs in the universe, there is nothing in which I do not have the final say. Is there anything that is not in My hands? Whatever I say is done, and who among human beings can change My mind?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God’s Words to the Entire Universe, Chapter 1). In the past, I often fellowshipped with brothers and sisters, saying that God is sovereign over everything, and that no matter what happens, we must rely on God. But now that danger had come upon me, I became fearful and wanted to back down. I realized that everything I’d said before was nothing but words and doctrines. In what way did I have real faith? God’s words are very clear. Everything is under God’s sovereignty, and it is God who has the final say in all things. Even though I was in daily contact with the leaders, whether or not I would be arrested wasn’t up to the police. Even if I were to be arrested, this would only happen with God’s permission. With this in mind, I no longer felt so timid and fearful.

Afterward, my cooperating sister and I relied on God to move the books of God’s words. During this time, we were always cautious and gave each other constant reminders. We changed clothes and hairstyles every day, and tried our best to avoid surveillance cameras when going out. Not long after, I kept receiving news of brothers and sisters being arrested, and I felt really tense and scared, as if nowhere was safe. Two days later, Sister Song Yang, who was responsible for the work, arranged to meet me. She said they urgently needed to find a safe home to continue doing their duties normally. I became very anxious, thinking, “Now that the district leaders have been arrested, many brothers and sisters need to relocate. Where am I supposed to find so many safe homes?” I also thought about how there were surveillance cameras everywhere and about how more and more brothers and sisters were being arrested. I had no idea where the police might have been secretly monitoring. If I kept going out to go looking for people and homes, I could be arrested at any moment once I was targeted. Thinking about all this, I felt very conflicted, so I shared my concerns with Song Yang. Song Yang and I read a passage of God’s words together: “It is perfectly natural and justified that humans should complete whatever commissions God entrusts to them. This is man’s supreme responsibility, and is just as important as their very lives. If you do not take God’s commissions seriously, then you are betraying Him in the most grievous way. In this, you are more lamentable than Judas, and should be cursed. People must gain a thorough understanding of how to treat what God entrusts to them and, at the very least, they must comprehend that the commissions He entrusts to humanity are exaltations and special favors from God, and that they are most glorious things. Everything else can be abandoned. Even if a person must sacrifice their own life, they must still fulfill God’s commission” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. How to Know Man’s Nature). After reading God’s words, I was deeply moved. With the churches facing such a dangerous situation and the district leaders all having been arrested, no one knew the situation of the churches better than me. If I became a deserter at this critical moment, not thinking about the safety of my brothers and sisters and failing to quickly handle the aftermath work, this would be a serious betrayal of God! It was my responsibility to protect my brothers and sisters and ensure that church work wasn’t hindered. But when faced with the CCP’s arrests, instead of safeguarding the church’s work, I worried more about being arrested myself. At this crucial moment, I wanted to shrink back like a turtle into its shell. I was being so selfish and despicable! I should rebel against my despicable motives and quickly handle the aftermath. Immediately after this, my cooperating sister Liu Na and I relied on God to cooperate. By the next evening, we had moved Song Yang and the others to a safe house, and I felt much more at ease.

A few days later, the church where Wang Juan, an arrested district leader, came from sent a letter, saying that Wang Juan’s mother had learned from the police that they’d been monitoring Wang Juan for a long time, and that the police knew all the houses Wang Juan had visited. The police also said that they wouldn’t easily release the believers they’d arrested, and that if they didn’t confess, they’d be sentenced. My heart lurched, and I thought, “All these brothers and sisters being arrested one after another may have been because the police were tracking Wang Juan. Ever since I began doing my duty in handling general affairs, I’d been meeting her daily to discuss work. The day before she was arrested, we even parted ways at an intersection. I might already be a prime target being followed by the police right now, and I could be arrested at any moment. What if I’m arrested and the police force me to sell out my brothers and sisters? The CCP’s prisons are like hell on earth and the great red dragon is so sinister and malicious. If I stay silent, even if I won’t be beaten to death, I’ll become crippled …” I didn’t dare think about this any further, and a surge of inexplicable fear welled up inside me. Should I stop for a while and go into hiding temporarily, and allow other sisters to take charge of the work for now? But then I thought about how the other sisters weren’t familiar with the churches’ situation, and I knew that if I stopped, the various items of the church’s work wouldn’t proceed normally, and this would delay the work. But I worried that if I didn’t stop, I’d be arrested. I was living in a state of fear and panic. From then on, while on my way to do my duties, I would unconsciously look over my shoulder, checking my surroundings, and I’d get anxious at the sight of all the surveillance cameras along the road. Sometimes when I was reading God’s words at home and heard the dogs in the yard barking frequently, my heart would start pounding, and I’d think, “Could it be the police?” and I’d quickly hide the books of God’s words. After a few days, I realized something was wrong with my state, so I quickly knelt down and prayed to God, asking God to guide me to turn around this state.

Later, I remembered some of God’s words: “Regardless of how ‘powerful’ Satan is, regardless of how audacious and ambitious it is, regardless of how great is its ability to inflict damage, regardless of how wide-ranging are the techniques with which it corrupts and lures man, regardless of how clever are the tricks and schemes with which it intimidates man, regardless of how changeable is the form in which it exists, it has never been able to create a single living thing, has never been able to set down laws or rules for the existence of all things, and has never been able to rule and control any object, whether animate or inanimate. Within the cosmos and the firmament, there is not a single person or object that was born from it, or exists because of it; there is not a single person or object that is ruled by it, or controlled by it. On the contrary, it not only has to live under the dominion of God, but, moreover, must submit to all of God’s orders and commands. Without God’s permission, it is difficult for Satan to touch even a drop of water or grain of sand upon the land; without God’s permission, Satan is not even free to move the ants about upon the land, let alone mankind, who was created by God. In the eyes of God, Satan is inferior to the lilies on the mountain, to the birds flying in the air, to the fish in the sea, and to the maggots on the earth. Its role among all things is to serve all things, to serve mankind, and to serve God’s work and His plan of management. Regardless of how malicious its nature, and how evil its essence, the only thing it can do is to dutifully abide by its function: being of service to God, and providing a counterpoint to God. Such is the substance and position of Satan. Its essence is unconnected to life, unconnected to power, unconnected to authority; it is merely a plaything in God’s hands, just a machine in service to God!” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique I). From God’s words, I came to understand that all events and all things are under God’s control, and that no matter how rampant and vicious the great red dragon is, it can’t exceed the limits set by God without His permission. My life is in God’s hands, and without God’s permission, the police can’t do anything to me. Just like when God allowed Satan to test Job, although Satan afflicted Job’s body, God didn’t allow Satan to take Job’s life, so Satan didn’t dare go beyond that boundary. Through his trials, Job’s faith was perfected. Now, the great red dragon’s frenzied persecution and arrest of Christians is also permitted by God. Those who pursue the truth have had their faith perfected by experiencing this environment, and they have borne witness for God. Those who don’t pursue the truth have retreated due to fear and cowardice and been revealed and eliminated. God uses the great red dragon as a tool of service to reveal who truly believes and who doesn’t in the church. Unknowingly, people have been classified according to their kind. I thought about how I became timid and fearful as soon as I heard that Wang Juan had been tracked for a long time, and about how I wanted to quickly hide to protect my safety. I realized I had little faith and that I didn’t truly understand God’s sovereignty. In fact, even if I met with Wang Juan every day, without God’s permission, the police wouldn’t be able to arrest me, but if God allowed me to be arrested, there would be no escaping it. I also thought about how many brothers and sisters had been arrested and tortured. Though they experienced negativity and weakness under the police’s threats and beatings, by praying and relying on God and the guidance of God’s words, they didn’t compromise with the great red dragon and ultimately stood firm in their testimony. They truly experienced God’s almightiness and sovereignty and miraculous protection. They also saw clearly Satan’s evil and ugly face. These were valuable gains. I saw that God is sovereign over everything, and that no matter how rampant the great red dragon is, it is merely a tool which renders service for God’s work. God uses it to perfect our faith and submission. Thinking of this, I made up my mind, “If God permits me to be arrested, I will be willing to submit to His orchestrations and arrangements and stand firm in my testimony.”

Afterward, I read another passage of God’s words, and I gained further understanding of God’s intentions. Almighty God says: “God perfects those who truly love Him, and all those who pursue the truth, in a variety of different environments. He enables people to experience His words through different environments or trials, and to thereby gain an understanding of the truth, true knowledge of Him, and to ultimately gain the truth. If you experience God’s work in this manner, your life disposition will change, and you will be able to gain the truth and the life. How much have you gained through these years of experience? (A lot.) So, is enduring a bit of suffering and paying a bit of a price when performing your duty not worthwhile? What have you gained in return? You have understood so much of the truth! This is a priceless treasure! What do people want to gain through belief in God? Is it not to gain the truth and the life? Do you think you can gain the truth without experiencing these environments? You absolutely cannot. If, when some special difficulties befall you or you encounter some particular environments, your attitude is always to avoid them or to flee from them, to desperately try to reject them and get rid of them—if you do not want to put yourself at the mercy of God’s orchestrations, are unwilling to submit to His orchestrations and arrangements, and do not want to let the truth take charge of you—if you always want to call the shots and to control everything about yourself according to your satanic disposition, then the consequences will be that, sooner or later, God will certainly set you aside or deliver you to Satan. If people understand this matter, they must quickly turn back and follow their road in life according to the correct path that God requires. This path is the right one, and when the path is right, that means that the direction is right” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). God’s words made me realize that for God to perfect and gain people, He will arrange various persecutions, tribulations, trials, and refinements to test people. Those who truly believe in and follow God can consider His intentions, and no matter how dangerous things are, they can rely on God to experience them, ensuring the smooth progress of the church’s work. But I, seeing the danger of the situation, feared being arrested, tortured, and losing my life, or else that I might fail to stand firm in my testimony, betray the interests of God’s house, and thus lose the chance of salvation, so I wanted to hide and stop doing my duty, without considering the church’s interests at all. I was truly selfish and despicable, without any conscience or reason! I thought about the current situation. Because of the CCP’s arrests, brothers and sisters had lost contact and couldn’t live the church life, and various items of the church’s work had come to a standstill. How grieved and anxious God’s heart must have been! At such a critical time, someone should stand up and shoulder this responsibility so that the church’s work could proceed as normal. But for my safety, I wanted to shrink back like a turtle hiding in its shell without considering the church’s work or the life entry of the brothers and sisters. I was utterly selfish and despicable! I also thought of the Lord Jesus’ words: “For whoever will save his life shall lose it: and whoever will lose his life for My sake shall find it” (Matthew 16:25). I pondered God’s words and reflected on myself. Why was it that when facing the CCP’s persecution and arrests, I always wanted to hide and protect myself? It was because I valued my life too much. I placed too much importance on my fleshly life and didn’t fully understand the meaning of life and death. If a person is willing to give up their life to follow God’s way, such a person is approved by God. This is just like how the saints throughout history, who, for the sake of spreading God’s gospel, also experienced persecution by those in power, and some were even tortured to death. Though it may have seemed that their bodies died, they were martyred for the sake of righteousness and stood firm in their testimony, and God had another plan for their souls. Their deaths were valuable and are remembered by God. But if I gave up my duty to selfishly preserve my fleshly life and drag out an ignoble existence, although it might have seemed that I temporarily kept myself safe, because I didn’t practice the truth or protect the church’s work, God would detest me, and I’d just go on living like a walking corpse. Understanding this, I knelt down and prayed to God, “God! Everything is ordained by You. Whether I will get arrested or not is also under Your sovereignty and orchestrations. Perhaps tomorrow I’ll be the one arrested, but that too would be by Your permission. No matter what happens tomorrow, as long as I’m not arrested today, I am willing to do the church’s work well today. I ask You to strengthen my faith.” Later on, the brothers, sisters, and I worked together in harmony, and we transferred all the brothers and sisters who were at risk to safe locations. The brothers and sisters were able to resume their church life, and I felt an indescribable sense of joy and liberation in my heart.

After going through this situation, I gained some faith. Whenever I finished my duty and walked home, I found myself involuntarily humming a hymn “I Wish to See the Day of God’s Glory”:

…………

2  With God’s entrustment in my heart, I will never bend the knee to Satan. Though our heads may roll and our blood may spill, the backbones of God’s people cannot be bent. I will bear resounding testimony for God, and humiliate devils and Satan. Pain and hardships are predestined by God, and I will be loyal and submit to Him unto death. Never again will I cause God to weep or worry. I will offer up my love and loyalty to God and complete my mission to glorify Him.

3  God’s words give me faith, and with an iron will, I shall follow God to the end. As long as I have breath, I will continue preaching the gospel and testifying to God with unshaken resolve. …

—Follow the Lamb and Sing New Songs

One night in November 2020, I received a letter, saying that another church had faced arrests, and that a sister who was responsible for safeguarding the books of God’s words had been arrested. The church leaders, risking their lives, had transferred the books to another place, but due to multiple large-scale arrests in that area, there was no longer any safe home in which to store the books, and they needed us to quickly transfer the books to a safer location. After reading the letter, I was overcome with panic and fear, thinking, “The sister who was safeguarding the books was just arrested, and although the church leaders risked their lives to have moved the books, could the police be monitoring them? If they are being tracked, would my brothers and sisters and I be followed and arrested when we go to transfer the books? Maybe I shouldn’t go.” I realized I was trying to protect myself again, so I quickly said a silent prayer to God, asking Him to protect my heart and help me to calm down and not to live in fear. After praying, I thought of a passage of God’s words: “People often say, ‘God holds sovereignty over all things’ and ‘all things are in God’s hands,’ but when they encounter some situation, they think, ‘Can God really hold sovereignty over this? Can He really be relied on? I’d better rely on other people, and if that doesn’t work I’ll come up with something on my own.’ Then they realize how immature, ridiculous, and small in stature they are. They turn back again, wanting to depend on God, but find there is still no path. Deep down, however, they know that God is faithful and He can be relied on; it’s just that they have such little faith and are always so skeptical. How do you solve this problem? You have to rely on your experience and on pursuing and understanding the truth—only then can you produce true faith. The more you experience and the more you depend on God, the more you’ll feel that He can be relied on. As you experience more matters, seeing how God protects you time and time again, helping you overcome difficulties and avoid danger, you will unconsciously develop genuine faith and reliance on God. You’ll feel that God is trustworthy and reliable. You need to first have this faith in your heart” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). To have true faith in God, we must experience things actually, and only after going through such experiences can we appreciate God’s almightiness and sovereignty. I thought about the mass arrests that had happened the year before. We faced such a dangerous situation, but by relying on God, the guidance of His words, and prayer, we made it through, and we witnessed God’s protection, almightiness, and sovereignty. Now, I should have faith in God and quickly transfer the books of God’s words. The next day, my brothers and sisters and I arrived at the meeting point. And as we were moving the books, we saw the police checking cars, so we prayed to God and hid on a small path for a while, and in the end, we successfully transferred the books to a safe home.

Through experiencing persecutions and tribulations, I came to understand my selfish and despicable nature. I also saw the wisdom in God using the great red dragon to render service, and gained a more genuine understanding of God’s almightiness and sovereignty. My faith in following God was strengthened even more.