By Chengqian, China

In 2022, I was elected as the leader of the church. I thought that I was probably pretty good in all aspects, otherwise my brothers and sisters would not have elected me. One time, at a gathering, Sister Li Yu, the gospel deacon, was living in a state in which she delimited herself as being of poor caliber. She was quite negative and wanted to give up. I knew that Li Yu’s caliber was not too bad. She wanted to give up primarily due to a problem of corrupt disposition. I thought to myself, “I just became a church leader, and when I encounter problems like this, I have to fellowship on them and resolve them quickly. This will make me look like I am capable at my work and will also make Li Yu approve of me.” Thinking that I had once been in the same state as Li Yu, I found a passage of God’s words that I was reading at the time, and shared my understanding in light of these words from God. When I saw that she agreed, I felt happy in my heart. Then, Li Yu asked me, “Then how did you practice and enter afterward?” I immediately became nervous, because I only had a bit of understanding at the time and had not practiced and entered. I thought to myself, “I fellowshipped my understanding very well, but as soon as we mentioned practicing and entering I had nothing to say. What will Li Yu think of me? This won’t do. I have to find a way to fellowship a way forward.” My head began to race, trying to figure out a way to solve it, while quietly covering up the missing parts of my experience. Then I just talked about the words of God I had read at the time and what I had understood. When I got to bits that I hadn’t experienced at all, I just skipped over them, and then talked about my recent understanding of God’s words. I finally got to the end of my fellowship by patching things together like this. When I saw Li Yu’s lack of reaction, I felt very disappointed in my heart, thinking, “My true level has been exposed, and now Li Yu will look down on me.” Later, when we talked about gospel work, Li Yu asked some more questions. Although I wanted to propose some solutions to save face, I couldn’t come up with any worthwhile suggestions even after pondering for a long time. Then I thought about how I was now the leader of the church, and no matter what, I had to point out the way forward. So I told Li Yu, “In fact, when faced with these problems, God looks at our attitude toward our duty. As long as we expend more thought and pay more price, God will definitely lead us.” I observed Li Yu’s expression as I fellowshipped. All the way through my fellowship, Li Yu had no reaction. Seeing that I had said so much but it had not achieved any results, I felt like I had utterly lost face. I merely had the title of church leader but could not solve problems. What will Li Yu think of me? On my way home, I felt really down, and I felt terribly dejected. I thought to myself, “I have only just started as a leader and already I have shown so many shortcomings. I don’t know how many gatherings I will have to attend and how many problems I will have to face in the future. If every time is like today, what will I do? If everyone sees my shortcomings, how can I stay in this church in the future?” I felt the pressure multiply, and my heart felt heavy, like it was being crushed by a rock.

After I got home, I watched the experiential testimony video I Harmed Myself With Disguises and Deception. Thinking of the scenes when I was in front of Li Yu, pretending to understand, I at last realized that I was living in a state of disguising myself. I thought of a passage of God’s words and looked it up to read. Almighty God says: “Some leaders and workers can’t see practical problems that exist in the church. While at a gathering, they feel like they have nothing worthwhile to say, so they just force themselves to offer up some words and doctrines. They know perfectly well that what they are saying is mere doctrine, but they say it anyway. In the end, even they feel that their words are insipid, and their brothers and sisters don’t find it edifying either. If you’re unaware of this problem, but just stubbornly go on saying such things, then the Holy Spirit isn’t working, and there’s no benefit to people. If you have not experienced the truth, yet you still want to speak about it, then no matter what you say, you will not be able to penetrate through to the truth; anything you say further will just be words and doctrines. You may think that they are somewhat enlightened, but they are just doctrines; they are not the truth reality. No matter how hard they try, anyone listening will not be able to grasp anything real from them. While listening, they might feel that what you say is quite correct, but afterward, they will forget it completely. If you do not talk about your actual states, then you will not be able to touch people’s hearts, and people won’t remember it after they hear it. It has nothing constructive to offer. When you encounter a situation like this, you should be aware that what you’re saying isn’t practical; it’ll be no good for anyone if you go on talking like that, and it’ll be even more awkward if someone raises a question that you can’t answer. You should stop right away and let other people fellowship—that would be the wise choice. When you’re in an assembly and know something about a particular issue, you can offer some practical stuff about it. It may be a bit superficial, but everyone will understand it. If you always want to speak in a deeper way to impress people and you can never seem to get it across, then you should just drop it. Everything you say from then on will be empty doctrine; you should let someone else go before you continue fellowshipping. If you feel that what you understand is doctrine and saying it won’t be constructive, the Holy Spirit won’t work when you speak in such an instance. If you force yourself to speak, you could end up with absurdities and deviations, and you could lead people astray. Most people have such poor foundations and poor caliber that they can’t take in deeper things in a short time or easily remember them. With things that are distorted, regulatory, and doctrinal, on the other hand, they’re quite quick on the uptake. This is wicked of them, isn’t it? So, you must stick to principles when you fellowship on the truth and speak on whatever you understand. There is vanity in people’s hearts, and sometimes, when their vanity takes the reins, they insist on speaking, even when they know that what they’re saying is doctrine. They think, ‘My brothers and sisters may not be able to tell. I’m going to ignore all of that for the sake of my reputation. Keeping up appearances is what matters right now.’ Isn’t this an attempt to fool people? This is disloyal to God! If it’s someone who has any sense, they’ll feel remorseful and that they should stop speaking. They’ll feel that they should change the subject and fellowship on something they have experience with, or maybe their understanding and knowledge of the truth. However much someone understands, that’s how much they should say. There’s a limit to the practical things someone can say, however much talking they do. Without experience, your imaginings and your thinking are just theory, just things of human notions” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). God says that when fellowshipping at gatherings, people should only say as much as they understand. This is the reason they should have. If people force themselves to speak about things that they have not experienced or have not seen clearly, and do so even if they are well aware that they’re spouting doctrine, then they are just satisfying their vanity, and they’re fooling people. That’s what I was doing at the gathering. When I heard the gospel deacon talking about various issues, I just wanted to solve the problems for her quickly, in order to demonstrate that I was at a certain level as a church leader. But as I fellowshipped, I realized that after I had discussed my bit of understanding, I didn’t have anything else to say. In order to maintain my image, I forced myself to continue by spouting doctrine, wanting to disguise myself as a person with experience. As a result, Li Yu’s problem was still unresolved. I was thinking about how to avoid losing face throughout the whole process. I didn’t think at all about how to actually solve the problems. The gospel deacon’s state was not good, and there were real difficulties in the gospel work, but I didn’t feel anxious about that, and even took to heart whether I’d lost or gained face. I was being so selfish and despicable! I had fooled Li Yu with my spouting of doctrine, but God scrutinizes the depths of our hearts. Doing my duty in that way, not doing real work or solving real problems, was the behavior of a false leader.

After my brothers and sisters learned about my state, they found me a passage of God’s words. It enabled me to see my problems more clearly. Almighty God says: “People themselves are created beings. Can created beings achieve omnipotence? Can they achieve perfection and flawlessness? Can they achieve proficiency in everything, come to understand everything, see through everything, and be capable of everything? They cannot. However, within humans, there are corrupt dispositions, and a fatal weakness: As soon as they learn a skill or profession, people feel that they are capable, that they are people with status and worth, and that they are professionals. No matter how unexceptional they are, they all want to package themselves as some famous or exceptional individual, to turn themselves into some minor celebrity, and make people think they are perfect and flawless, without a single defect; in the eyes of others, they wish to become famous, powerful, or some great figure, and they want to become mighty, capable of anything, with nothing they cannot do. They feel that if they sought others’ help, they would appear incapable, weak, and inferior, and that people would look down on them. For this reason, they always want to keep up a front. … What kind of disposition is this? Such people’s arrogance knows no bounds, they have lost all reason. They do not wish to be like everyone else, they don’t want to be ordinary people, normal people, but superhumans, exceptional individuals, or hotshots. This is such a huge problem! With regard to the weaknesses, shortcomings, ignorance, foolishness, and lack of understanding within normal humanity, they will wrap it all up, and not let other people see it, and then keep on disguising themselves. There are some who cannot see anything clearly, yet still claim they understand in their heart. When you ask them to explain it, they cannot. After someone else has explained it, they then claim that they were about to say the same thing but were unable to voice it in time. They do everything they can to disguise themselves and try to look good. What do you say, do such people not live with their heads in the clouds? Are they not dreaming? They do not know who they themselves are, nor do they know how to live out normal humanity. They have never once acted like practical human beings. If you pass your days with your head in the clouds, muddling through, not doing anything with your feet on the ground, always living by your own imagination, then this is trouble. The path in life you choose is not right. If you do this, then no matter how you believe in God, you will not understand the truth, nor will you be able to obtain the truth. To be honest with you, you cannot obtain the truth, because your starting point is wrong” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Five Conditions That Must Be Met to Embark on the Right Track of Belief in God). God exposed that people have arrogant dispositions, and don’t want to keep to their place as an ordinary person, and that they always want to pretend that they can do everything and understand everything, trying to make others mistakenly think that they are on a high level, and not an average person. This was how I was behaving. After I was elected as a church leader, I felt that I was pretty good in all regards. I wanted to show others that I could shoulder this burden, and felt that no matter what problems I encountered, I would be able to help my brothers and sisters solve them, and that only this was in line with my current identity. But when I could not provide a path of practice when I tried to solve others’ problems, I just scraped together some things to fellowship to them, and also forced myself to spout some words and doctrines to keep up appearances. I always hid what I lacked, what I didn’t understand, and what I couldn’t do. I wanted to pretend in front of others that no problem could beat me. Wasn’t I just trying to disguise myself as a superhuman? I hadn’t been a church leader before, and I was not familiar with many of the issues involved. It was normal that I couldn’t immediately solve Li Yu’s problems. And yet, in order to sculpt a good image of myself, I covered up what I hadn’t seen clearly or understood. I was not willing to keep to my proper place as an ordinary person. My nature was too arrogant, I was so lacking in reason!

After that, I found words of God to ponder about that expose people who always disguise themselves, and I gained some more understanding of myself. Almighty God says: “What kind of disposition is it when people always put up a front, always whitewash themselves, always put on airs so that others think highly of them, and cannot see their faults or shortcomings, when they always try to present their best side to people? This is arrogance, fakery, hypocrisy, it is the disposition of Satan, it is something wicked. Take members of the satanic regime: No matter how much they fight, feud, or kill in the dark, no one is allowed to report or expose them. They are afraid that people will see their demonic face, and they do everything they can to cover it up. In public, they do their utmost to whitewash themselves, saying how much they love the people, how great, glorious and infallible they are. This is the nature of Satan. The most prominent feature of Satan’s nature is trickery and deception. And what is the aim of this trickery and deception? To hoodwink people, to stop them from seeing its essence and true colors, and thus achieve the aim of prolonging its rule. Ordinary people may lack such power and status, but they, too, wish to make others hold a favorable view of them, and for people to have a high estimation of them, and elevate them to a high status in their hearts. This is a corrupt disposition, and if people do not understand the truth, they are incapable of recognizing this. Corrupt dispositions are the hardest of all to recognize: Recognizing your own faults and shortcomings is easy, but recognizing your own corrupt disposition is not. People who do not know themselves never talk about their corrupt states—they always think that they are okay. And without realizing it, they start to show off: ‘Through all my years of faith, I have undergone so much persecution and suffered so much hardship. Do you know how I overcame it all?’ Is this an arrogant disposition? What is the motivation behind putting themselves on display? (To make people think highly of them.) What is their motive in making people think highly of them? (To be given status in such people’s minds.) When you are given status in the mind of someone else, then when they are in your company, they are deferential toward you, and especially polite when they talk to you. They always look up to you, they always let you go first in all things, they give way to you, and they flatter and obey you. In all things, they seek you out and let you make decisions. And you get a sense of enjoyment from this—you feel that you are stronger and better than anyone else. Everyone likes this feeling. … Your words and actions are driven by the pursuit and acquisition of status, and you contend, grasp, and compete with others for it. Your goal is to seize a position, and have God’s chosen people listen to you, support you, and worship you. Once you have taken hold of that position, you have then acquired power and can enjoy the benefits of status, admiration from others, and all other advantages that come with that position. People are always disguising themselves, showing off in front of others, putting on appearances, putting up a front, and embellishing themselves to make others think they are perfect. Their aim in this is to gain status, so they can enjoy the benefits of status. If you don’t believe this, think it over carefully: Why do you always want to make people think highly of you? You want to make them worship you and look up to you, so you can eventually take power and enjoy the benefits of status. The status that you so desperately seek will bring you many benefits, and these benefits are precisely what others envy and desire. When people get a taste of the many benefits status confers, it intoxicates them, and they indulge in that luxurious life. People think only this is a life that has not been squandered. Corrupted humanity delights in indulging in these things. Therefore, once a person attains a certain position and begins to enjoy the various benefits it brings, they will relentlessly lust after these sinful pleasures, even to the point of never letting them go. In essence, the pursuit of fame and status is driven by the desire to bask in the advantages that come with a certain position, to reign as a king, to exert control over God’s chosen people, to have dominion over everything, and to establish an independent kingdom where they can luxuriate in the benefits of their status and indulge in sinful pleasures. Satan uses methods of all kinds to deceive people, dupe them, and play them for fools, giving them false impressions. It even uses intimidation and threats to make people admire and fear it, with the ultimate goal of making them submit to it and worship it. This is what pleases Satan; this is also its goal in competing with God to win people over” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Principles That Should Guide One’s Conduct). God exposes that people who always want to put up a front and disguise themselves are hypocrites, that they are arrogant and phony by nature, and that they cover up their problems and deceive people with false appearances just to enjoy high praise and special treatment from others. After being elected as a church leader, when I tried to solve Li Yu’s problem, I pretended to understand and have experiences when I had none, and used cobbled-together words to hoodwink others. My aim was to maintain my own good image. I wanted others to praise me, look up to me, revolve around me, and be centered on me. Ultimately, I also did it to enjoy the sense of superiority that came from being praised by others. My inner heart was so wicked! Before I was elected as a church leader, when I heard brothers and sisters ask questions, I always wanted to talk to them about my experiences, because I thought everyone would esteem people with experience. Therefore, even if I didn’t have much experiential understanding, I would still try to talk more. After being elected as a church leader, I still wanted to establish myself through fellowshipping at gatherings. Regardless of whether I did establish myself or not, as far as my intentions were concerned, I sought to make people esteem and look up to me. This was walking the path of antichrists. As soon as I became a church leader, I started thinking about how to make people esteem and look up to me. I also used disguise and trickery to hoodwink my brothers and sisters and enjoy the benefits of status. I was so lacking in reason! What I pursued was the exact opposite of God’s requirements. If this had continued, it would have obstructed the life entry of my brothers and sisters and the work of the church. Sooner or later, I would offend God! When I understood this, I wrote to Li Yu and talked openly about my state that day and my understanding, and found some more of God’s words to help her. Li Yu also wrote to me and fellowshipped some of her understanding. By laying my true self bare, I felt like I had found a bit of my proper place, and I felt a lot more at ease.

When I realized that my issue of putting up a front and disguising myself was very serious, I looked for a path of practice to enter into. In seeking, I read the words of God: “You must seek the truth to resolve any problem that arises, no matter what it is, and by no means disguise yourself or put on a false face for others. Your shortcomings, your deficiencies, your faults, your corrupt dispositions—be completely open about them all, and fellowship about them all. Do not keep them inside. Learning how to open yourself up is the first step toward life entry, and it is the first hurdle, which is the most difficult to overcome. Once you have overcome it, entering the truth is easy. What does taking this step signify? It means that you are opening your heart and showing everything you have, good or bad, positive or negative; baring yourself for others and for God to see; hiding nothing from God, concealing nothing, disguising nothing, free of deceit and trickery, and being likewise open and honest with other people. In this way, you live in the light, and not only will God scrutinize you, but other people will also be able to see that you act with principle and a degree of transparency. You do not need to use any methods to protect your reputation, image, and status, nor do you need to cover up or disguise your mistakes. You do not need to engage in these useless efforts. If you can let these things go, you will be very relaxed, you will live without constraints or pain, and you will live entirely in the light” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). “How should you practice to be an ordinary and normal person? How can this be done? … Firstly, don’t give yourself a title and become bound by it, saying, ‘I am the leader, I am the head of the team, I am the supervisor, no one knows this business better than me, no one understands the skills more than me.’ Don’t get caught up in your self-appointed title. As soon as you do, it will bind your hands and feet, and what you say and do will be affected. Your normal thinking and judgment will also be affected. You must free yourself from the constraints of this status. First, lower yourself from this official title and position and stand in the place of an ordinary person. If you do, your mentality will become somewhat normal. You must also admit and say, ‘I don’t know how to do this, and I don’t understand that, either—I’m going to have to do some research and studying,’ or ‘I’ve never experienced this, so I don’t know what to do.’ When you are capable of saying what you’re really thinking and speaking honestly, you will be possessed of normal reason. Others will know the real you, and will thus have a normal view of you, and you will not have to put on an act, nor will there be any great pressure on you, and so you will be able to communicate with people normally. Living like this is free and easy” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Treasuring God’s Words Is the Foundation of Belief in God). After reading the words of God, I understood that to solve the issue of putting up a front and putting on a disguise, we have to let others see our most genuine side, be completely open about everything we can’t do and don’t understand, and let people see and know about these things. Only in this way can we gradually get rid of the constraints of face and status. In fact, with my stature, to say nothing of when I had just started training to do my duty as a leader, even if I had been training for a long time I would not be able to see through and resolve every single problem. All I have to do is simply open up, and not put up a front or disguise myself. When solving problems while doing my duties I should fellowship only what I understand, be honest with others about what I don’t understand or have not experienced, and then seek the truth principles with my brothers and sisters, or consult with and learn from other brothers and sisters. This is what I should enter into.

Later, through a reminder from a sister, I found that I held a mistaken point of view. Almighty God says: “When someone is elected to be a leader by the brothers and sisters, or is promoted by the house of God to do a certain piece of work or perform a certain duty, this does not mean that they have a special status or position, or that the truths they understand are deeper and more numerous than those of other people—much less that this person is able to submit to God, and will not betray Him. Certainly, it does not mean, either, that they know God, and are someone who fears God. They have attained none of this, in fact. The promotion and cultivation is merely promotion and cultivation in the straightforward sense, and is not equivalent to them having been predestined and approved of by God. Their promotion and cultivation simply means they have been promoted, and await cultivation. And the ultimate outcome of this cultivation depends on whether this person pursues the truth, and on whether they are capable of choosing the path of pursuing the truth. Thus, when someone in the church is promoted and cultivated to be a leader, they are merely promoted and cultivated in the straightforward sense; it does not mean that they are already up to standard and competent as a leader, that they are already capable of undertaking leadership work, and can do real work—that is not the case. … So what is the aim and significance of promoting and cultivating someone? It is that this person is promoted, as an individual, in order for them to practice, and in order for them to be specially watered and trained, thus enabling them to understand the truth principles, and the principles, means, and methods of doing different things and solving various problems, as well as how to handle and deal with the various types of environments and people they encounter in accordance with God’s intentions, and in a way that protects the interests of the house of God. Judging based on these points, are the talented people promoted and cultivated by the house of God adequately capable of undertaking their work and doing their duty well during the promotion and cultivation period or prior to promotion and cultivation? Of course not. Thus, it is unavoidable that, during the cultivation period, these people will experience pruning, judgment and chastisement, exposure and even dismissal; this is normal, this is training and cultivation” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (5)). After reading the words of God, I understood that the promotion and cultivation of a person by the house of God does not mean that that person has entered into the truth reality. It doesn’t mean that this person can do everything and understand everything. The house of God cultivates people in order to train them, so that they have more opportunities to learn to act according to principles, and can enter into the truth realities faster. This was like when my brothers and sisters elected me to be the leader of the church; it was solely because I had a certain caliber and comprehension ability. But this did not mean that I already understood the truth principles and was able to work. To shoulder the duty of a leader, one has to go through a period of exploration, learning, and training, and also seek the truth principles a lot. Now, I was just training as a leader. It was a very precious learning opportunity. If I couldn’t see clearly the true measure of myself, and was always so arrogant, pretending to understand to cover up my problems for status, then no matter how many opportunities God gave me, and no matter how long I studied, I wouldn’t be able to have much entry into the truth. On the contrary, I would be following the path of antichrists because of my pursuit of status, which would be contrary to God’s intention.

Later, I was elected as a district leader. Once, we had a gathering with the leaders of the gospel teams. When I listened to my cooperating sister fellowship with the team leaders, I found there was a lot of work I was unfamiliar with. For a while, I didn’t know what to say, or where to start. At that moment I thought to myself, “If I am silent all the time, will the team leaders think that I, the district leader, am just an empty facade? This is the first time meeting with them, and if they think that I don’t understand anything, won’t I be looked down on when I follow up on gospel work in the future?” When I thought of this, I wanted to say something quickly, so that the team leaders would approve of me. But I realized that my state was wrong, and I hurriedly refocused my mind. I thought of the path pointed out in God’s words. God says: “When you stop thinking of yourself as a leader or a worker, and when you stop thinking that you’re better than other people and feel that you are an ordinary person, the same as everyone else, and that there are some areas in which you are inferior to others—when you fellowship the truth and work-related matters with this attitude, the effect is different, as is the atmosphere” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Treasuring God’s Words Is the Foundation of Belief in God). Pondering the words of God, I realized that only if I put myself in the position of an ordinary person, would the atmosphere of this gathering be relaxed and natural, and only then would it achieve results. I should let go of my identity as a district leader, unhesitatingly ask my brothers and sisters about everything I didn’t know, and show my true side to everyone. When I thought of this, I continued to listen to everyone fellowshipping about the gospel work. I asked about anything I didn’t understand or couldn’t see clearly, and when I found a problem, I would also express my thoughts and suggestions. In this way, we gathered for a day, and although I didn’t offer many worthwhile suggestions, through mutual discussion and fellowship with my brothers and sisters, we figured out some ideas for the gospel work, and I had some direction for doing my duty going forward. I felt very relaxed, and found enjoyment. After that, in the course of doing my duty, I still sometimes wanted to cover up things I didn’t understand and couldn’t do. Whenever I found myself wanting to disguise myself again, I consciously prayed to God to adjust my state. Then, I opened up and revealed my state to my brothers and sisters to let everyone know my true situation. When I put this into practice, my brothers and sisters not only did not look down on me, but were actually more willing to cooperate with me, and we were better able to be of one mind when doing our duties. I am very grateful to God for these gains!