By Susanna, Japan

I had responsibility for the gospel work of two groups in the church. Not long ago, some other brothers and sisters around me were dismissed for not doing real work and always muddling through their duty. Seeing this, I felt kind of nervous. I was thinking that I had to be sure to get real work done and resolve real issues, or I’d be dismissed too. In a gathering once, the leader asked me, “Have you fellowshipped on the principles of doing duties with the brothers and sisters that were transferred from other churches recently?” I was taken by surprise. That was a problem—I’d just told them about our workflow, not the principles. What should I tell the leader? If I said I hadn’t fellowshipped with them, would she think I didn’t get real work done? But if I said I had fellowshipped with them, that wouldn’t be true. I felt kind of guilty, and said, stammering, “I just fellowshipped a bit based on what they were lacking.” The leader responded right away, “If you don’t share the principles with them, they’ll have no direction in their duty. Can they get good results that way? We must focus on cultivating these brothers and sisters.” When the leader pointed out my problem, I could feel my face burning. I was wondering what she’d think of me after that. Would she think that I didn’t even do such a basic task, and that I didn’t do real work?

Before long, one of the groups I was responsible for started declining in productivity and quite a few problems were cropping up in my work at the time. Considering if that went on, it would impact our work effectiveness, the leader reduced the groups I was responsible for from two to one. I was really upset when I heard the news. I couldn’t help but wonder if the leader thought I was someone who didn’t do real work. Otherwise, she wouldn’t reduce the scope of my responsibilities. Lately she had been following up on my work a lot. Did she think that I wasn’t hard-working in my duty, that I was unreliable? Would she dismiss me if she found more problems of mine in the future? During that time, whenever I heard that the leader was going to join our gathering, I started to ruminate over what kinds of questions she’d ask, and what work she’d follow up on. I figured the leader would ask how the brothers and sisters were doing in their duties pretty much every time, so I’d rush to find out about that before the gathering. Sometimes it just happened that there were other urgent issues that needed to be resolved, but at the thought of not being able to answer the leader’s questions the following day, I was afraid I’d be revealed for not doing real work. So I’d shelve those issues that needed to be urgently addressed and go talk to the others one by one. After some time, I just worked nonstop on the tasks that the leader often focused on, and though I stayed busy every day, I wasn’t getting better results in my duty—in fact, I was doing worse. One time the leader asked me in a gathering, “Joanna did really well in her gospel preaching before, so why has she done poorly recently? Do you know the reason?” I was startled. Oh no! I’d been totally focused on dealing with other issues. I didn’t know why Joanna wasn’t doing well in her gospel preaching. Then the leader went on to ask me, “Have you looked into which truths Joanna is fellowshipping on when preaching the gospel, and if she’s been resolving people’s notions?” At that question I panicked even more. I hadn’t asked about that—what should I do? If I couldn’t say, would the leader think I wasn’t following up on Joanna’s work, that I wasn’t discovering and resolving her issues in a timely manner, and that was why her productivity was declining? So I sent a message to Joanna right away, but she didn’t see it. I was so anxious that the palms of my hands were sweating. Then it suddenly occurred to me that Joanna had mentioned to me what she was fellowshipping on while preaching the gospel, so I told the leader right away. She didn’t say anything more, and my anxiety finally settled. For a while, I was scared to get messages from the leader, and sometimes I wasn’t even able to sleep well the night before a gathering. I couldn’t stop thinking, “What is the leader going to ask me? How should I respond?” I’d be even more nervous when it was time for the gathering, worried that if more problems in my work cropped up, I’d be dismissed. I managed to muddle through each gathering, but I felt miserable inside, and it was exhausting for me. I didn’t have energy in my duty, and when problems came up in the brothers’ and sisters’ work and their productivity slipped, I didn’t feel like working it out. At that point I realized I wasn’t in a correct state, so I quickly came before God to pray and seek: “God, lately I’ve been really scared of the leader supervising my work. I’m worried that I’ll end up dismissed if problems appear. I know that’s not the right perspective. I’m willing to reflect and know myself—please guide me.”

Then I read a passage of God’s words in my devotionals: “Some people do not believe that God’s house can treat people fairly. They do not believe that God reigns in His house, and that the truth reigns there. They believe that no matter what duty a person performs, if a problem arises in it, God’s house will handle that person immediately, stripping them of their right to perform that duty, sending them away, or even clearing them out of the church. Is that really how things work? It certainly is not. God’s house treats every person according to the truth principles. God is righteous in His treatment of every person. He does not look only at how a person behaves in a single instance; He looks at a person’s nature essence, at their intentions, at their attitude, and He looks in particular at whether a person can reflect on themselves when they make a mistake, whether they are remorseful, and whether they can penetrate the essence of the problem based on His words, come to understand the truth, hate themselves, and truly repent. … Tell Me, if a person has made a mistake, but they are capable of true understanding and willing to repent, would God’s house not give them a chance? As God’s six-thousand-year management plan draws to a close, there are so many duties that need to be performed. But if you have no conscience or reason, and don’t attend to your proper work, if you have gained the opportunity to perform a duty but do not know to treasure it, do not pursue the truth in the least, letting the best time pass you by, then you will be revealed. If you are consistently perfunctory in performing your duty, and you do not submit at all when faced with being pruned, will God’s house still use you to perform a duty? In God’s house, it is the truth that reigns, not Satan. God has the final say over everything. It is He who is doing the work of saving man, it is He who holds sovereignty over everything. There is no need for you to analyze what is right and wrong, you just need to listen and submit. When faced with being pruned, you must accept the truth and be able to correct your mistakes. If you do, God’s house will not strip you of your right to perform a duty. If you are always afraid of being eliminated, always giving excuses, always justifying yourself, that is a problem. If you let others see that you do not accept the truth in the least, and that you are impervious to reason, you are in trouble. The church will be obliged to handle you. If you do not accept the truth at all in performing your duty and are always afraid of being revealed and eliminated, then this fear of yours is tainted with human intent and a corrupt satanic disposition, and with suspicion, guardedness, and misapprehension. None of these are attitudes that a person should have. You must begin by resolving your fear, as well as your misunderstandings of God” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). I realized from God’s words that I was afraid of being dismissed because I didn’t understand God’s disposition and the principles for dismissing people in God’s house. When I saw some people dismissed for not doing real work, and there were quite a few problems exposed in my work, I was worried that if more and more problems cropped up, the leader would think I wasn’t doing real work and would dismiss me, too. So I was living in a state of misunderstanding and guardedness, afraid of the leader looking into my work. In reality, issues and deficiencies in my work coming to light wasn’t a bad thing. That could help me find and resolve problems in a timely manner, and improve my effectiveness in my duty. But as for me, I was petty and narrow-minded. When the leader supervised my work, I got on my guard and started second-guessing her, wondering if she thought I didn’t do real work and was unreliable. I thought she was observing me and might dismiss me someday. I was full of contrivances and tricks. There are principles for dismissing people in the church. No one will be dismissed because of a small deviation or mistake in their duty. Instead, to the maximum extent, people are given opportunities to repent, and if they persistently refuse to change and cause losses to the work, they will be dismissed. I thought about how there had been some deviations and issues in the work of some other brothers and sisters, but the leader hadn’t dismissed them for it. Instead, she had done her best to support and help them, and fellowshipped with them on the principles. Then through constantly summarizing and correcting the deviations, they had gotten better and better results in their duties. There were also some brothers and sisters who weren’t up to certain duties due to their poor caliber. The church had arranged suitable duties for them in accordance with their caliber and strengths, rather than dismissing them arbitrarily. Even though some people had been dismissed for not doing real work, after they self-reflected and learned about themselves for a time, and displayed true repentance, the church had promoted them and given them important roles again. Therefore, issues cropping up in your duty isn’t scary at all. What’s most important is being able to accept the truth and reflect on your problems, then genuinely repent and change. I thought about how the leader didn’t dismiss me because of my deviations and issues. I realized I shouldn’t be guarded or harbor misunderstandings anymore. I should summarize and reflect on my problems, and correct the deviations. I came before God in prayer after that, expressing my willingness to submit to God’s orchestration and arrangements regarding whether I would be dismissed or not, and honestly do my duty. I felt much more at peace after my prayer.

Later, I opened up in fellowship with a sister about my state. She suggested that I read some of God’s words about accepting supervision. I read this in God’s words: “It is a wonderful thing if you can accept God’s house supervising, observing, and trying to understand you. It is of help to you in fulfilling your duty, in being able to do your duty in a way that is up to standard and to satisfy God’s intentions. It benefits and helps you, without any downside at all. Once you have understood this principle, should you not then no longer have any feelings of resistance or guardedness against the supervision of leaders, workers, and God’s chosen people? Even though sometimes someone tries to understand you, observes you, and supervises your work, this is not something to take personally. Why do I say this? Because the tasks that are now yours, the duty you perform, and any work that you do are not the private affairs or personal job of any one person; they touch on the work of God’s house and relate to one part of God’s work. Therefore, when anyone spends a little time supervising or observing you, or gets to understand you on a deep level, trying to have a heart-to-heart with you and find out what your state has been like during this time, and even sometimes when their attitude is a little harsher, and they prune, discipline, and reproach you a bit, this is all because they have a conscientious and responsible attitude toward the work of the house of God. You should not have any negative thoughts or emotions toward this” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (7)). Reading God’s words was kind of enlightening for me. Our work tasks aren’t personal matters. They’re important matters, involving the church’s work and our brothers’ and sisters’ life entry. When leaders and workers oversee and look into our duties, they’re doing what they should. This is beneficial to our duties and to the church’s work. Everyone has corrupt dispositions. Before we gain the truth, before our life disposition changes, we’re not reliable or trustworthy. If we’re not supervised, we’re likely to go our own way at any moment. We’ll be arbitrary and wily and slippery in our work, and do things that disturb and disrupt the work of the church. So, leaders supervising our work is to help us to do our duty well, and for the smooth progress of the church’s work. I remember before, when the leader mentioned that I hadn’t shared the principles of preaching the gospel with the new team members, that really was a deviation in my duty. I wasn’t thinking about making progress in my duty, but was satisfied with the status quo, so I thought the brothers and sisters who weren’t familiar with work could be taught over time, and that wouldn’t impact our effectiveness in work. That attitude I had toward my duty was actually disgusting for God, and if I didn’t change it, over time, it not only would hinder the church’s work, but it would harm my own life entry. When the leader noticed this issue and pointed it out to me, if I could self-reflect and correct my deviations in a timely manner, that would be incredibly helpful for me. And whenever the leader checked up on my work, she pointed out some problems I wouldn’t normally see. This way, so many issues in my work could be resolved without delay, and I could have a path of practice and a direction in my duty. After realizing all that, I felt I’d been so foolish, and I was filled with regret. If I’d been able to voluntarily share my deviations in my work with the leader, these issues could have been resolved long before, and our gospel work wouldn’t have suffered.

Later on, I reflected on myself. Why was I always afraid of the leader’s supervision, of being dismissed? What was the root of the problem? I read this passage of God’s words in my devotionals: “If you are a leader or worker, are you afraid of the house of God making inquiries about and supervising your work? Are you afraid that the house of God will discover lapses and mistakes in your work and prune you? Are you afraid that after the Above gets to know your real caliber and stature, they will see you in a different light and not consider you for promotion? If you have these fears, this proves that your motivations are not for the sake of church work, you are working for the sake of reputation and status, which proves that you have the disposition of an antichrist. If you have the disposition of an antichrist, you are liable to walk the path of antichrists, and commit all the evil wrought by antichrists. If, in your heart, you have no fear of God’s house supervising your work, and you are able to provide real answers to the questions and inquiries of the Above, without hiding anything, and say as much as you know, then regardless of whether what you say is right or wrong, irrespective of the corruption you revealed—even if you revealed the disposition of an antichrist—you will absolutely not be defined as an antichrist. What’s key is whether you are able to know your own disposition of an antichrist, and whether you are able to seek the truth in order to solve this problem. If you are someone who accepts the truth, your antichrist’s disposition can be fixed. If you know full well that you have the disposition of an antichrist and yet do not seek the truth to resolve it, if you even try to conceal or lie about problems that occur and shirk responsibility, and if you do not accept the truth when subjected to pruning, then this is a serious problem, and you are no different from an antichrist. Knowing that you have the disposition of an antichrist, why do you not dare face it? Why can you not approach it frankly and say, ‘If the Above inquires about my work, I’ll say all I know, and even if the bad things I’ve done come to light, and the Above no longer makes use of me once they know, and I lose my status, I’ll still say clearly what I have to say’? Your fear of supervision of and inquiries after your work by God’s house proves that you treasure your status more than the truth. Is this not the disposition of an antichrist? To cherish status above all is the disposition of an antichrist” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Eight: They Would Have Others Submit Only to Them, Not the Truth or God (Part Two)). God’s words exposed the root of why I was afraid of the leader supervising my work. I was too enamored with my status. I was afraid of the leader discovering the issues in my duty, then thinking I didn’t do real work, and dismissing me. So to maintain my status, I just did things for show in my duty, only doing superficial work without doing the crucial, essential work I should have been doing. As a result, the gospel work became less productive. I was so selfish and despicable! Those truly with a God-fearing heart will put the church’s work first in their duty. They’d rather see their own name and status suffer if it means upholding the church’s work. In their duty they can accept God’s scrutiny and the supervision of brothers and sisters. They’re simple and honest at heart. But as for me, all I thought about was how to protect my name and status, and I was even ready to see the church’s work suffer to safeguard my status. I thought of how antichrists treasure status above all else, and will stop at nothing to gain status. My behavior was revealing precisely an antichrist’s disposition. The more I thought about it, the more I felt that what I was living out and revealing was just like a clown, without any integrity or dignity. I was really disgusted with myself. I longed from the bottom of my heart to be an upright, honorable person. I thought of these words from God: “Those who love the truth choose to practice it and be honest. This is the correct path and it is blessed by God. If a person does not love the truth, what do they choose? They choose to use lies to uphold their reputation, status, dignity, and character. They would rather be deceitful, and be detested and rejected by God. Such people reject the truth and reject God. They choose their own reputation and status; they want to be deceitful. They do not care about whether God is pleased or if He will save them. Can such people still be saved by God? Certainly not, because they have chosen the wrong path. They can only live by lying and cheating; they can only live painful lives of telling lies and covering them up and racking their brains to defend themselves every day. If you think that lies can uphold the reputation, status, vanity, and pride you desire, you are completely mistaken. In reality, by telling lies, not only do you fail to maintain your vanity and pride, and your dignity and character, more grievously, you miss the opportunity to practice the truth and be an honest person. Even if you manage to protect your reputation, status, vanity, and pride at that moment, you have sacrificed the truth and betrayed God. This means you have completely lost your chance for Him to save and perfect you, which is the greatest loss and a lifelong regret” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only an Honest Person Can Live Out True Human Likeness). I felt ashamed when I pondered God’s words. By relying on lies to protect my name and status on the surface, I thought I was so clever, but I was losing out on the chance to be an honest person, and even more, the chance to gain salvation and the truth. That’s a loss that couldn’t be made up for. I used lies and tricks time after time to protect my name and status, but God scrutinizes everything. I could fool people for a time, but I could never escape God’s scrutiny. The fact that I wasn’t doing real work and the losses it caused to the work would come to light sooner or later. God’s disposition tolerates no offense. If I didn’t repent, but kept choosing to lie and protect my status, being dismissed was just a matter of time. I thought about those false leaders and antichrists. They just worked for the sake of name and status, and didn’t do real work at all. Some of them were even willing to disrupt and disturb the church’s work to protect their own name and status, and ultimately did lots of evil, and were revealed and eliminated. I also thought about how the most important work of God’s house now is to spread God’s kingdom gospel. But as the person in charge of the gospel work, not only was I not a driving force in the work of the gospel, but I was trying to protect my name and status, hindering our gospel work. Based on my behavior, I should have been dismissed. Being able to continue doing my duty was God’s great tolerance for me. After realizing all of this, I came before God to pray and repent, ready to change my erroneous pursuit, accept the leader’s supervision of me, and do my absolute best to do my duty well.

Later in my devotionals, I read a passage of God’s words that gave me a path of practice. God’s words say: “Those who are able to accept the supervision, examination, and inspection of others are the most reasonable of all, they have tolerance and normal humanity. When you discover you are doing something wrong or have the revelation of a corrupt disposition, if you are able to open up to and communicate with people, this will help those around you to keep an eye on you. It is certainly necessary to accept supervision, but the main thing is to pray to God and rely on Him, subjecting yourself to constant examination. Especially when you have gone the wrong way or done something wrong, or when you are about to act or decide something on your own, and someone nearby mentions it and alerts you, you need to accept that and hasten to reflect on yourself, and admit to your mistake, and correct it. This can keep you from setting foot on the path of antichrists. If there is someone helping and alerting you in this way, are you not being protected without knowing it? You are—that is your protection” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Proper Fulfillment of Duty Requires Harmonious Cooperation). Thank God! I had a great sense of release once I had a path of practice and I was no longer on my guard against the leader’s supervision and inquiries of my work. Also, I stopped hiding my own problems, and instead started focusing on doing real work and resolving real issues. I didn’t feel as constrained when the leader asked about my work, and I became able to consciously accept God’s scrutiny and practice being an honest person. I could own up to it when I didn’t do some work well, and I stopped protecting my name and status. When the leader found issues in my work, I stopped thinking about what she would think of me or whether she’d dismiss me, but just about how to turn things around as soon as possible, and do my work well. I’ve felt really at ease since putting all this into practice, and doing my duty open-heartedly is wonderful.