By Xinyi, China

In March 2023, I was doing the duty of a district leader. Because I had a lot of responsibilities, I often had to get up early to hurry out, and sometimes I wouldn’t get home until dark. After getting home, I still had some letters to deal with, and the work seemed never-ending. Sometimes I would reveal some corrupt dispositions while doing my duties, and I’d want to eat and drink God’s words to resolve it, but I’d always feel that devotionals would take up too much time. After keeping myself busy like this for a while, I felt I hadn’t made much progress in life entry, and my heart always felt empty. Because I was only focusing on work without paying attention to life entry, my spirit gradually became numb, and I didn’t know to seek the truth when encountering issues, and couldn’t share any understandings during gatherings. I knew my relationship with God was abnormal, so I felt a bit scared, and I felt I was in a crisis. If I didn’t have a change in my life disposition, then no matter how much I appeared to run or suffer, I still wouldn’t meet with God’s approval. So I stopped wanting to do my duties as a leader, thinking that this duty was too busy, and that I had no time to pursue the truth to resolve my corrupt disposition. During that period of time, although I didn’t give up my duties, I lost my motivation, and I stopped having much of a sense of burden for my duties. Later, I noticed that the brothers and sisters who did text-based duties often read God’s words and experiential testimonies written by other brothers and sisters, and I thought doing text-based duties would be pretty good, and that one can gain more from this duty than doing other duties, so I hoped that one day I could also do text-based duties, as it would help me with my life entry and increase my hope for salvation.

One day in November, the upper leadership said there was an urgent need for text-based work personnel, and since I had some effectiveness in supervising text-based work, they wanted to assign me that duty. I was very happy to receive this news, as I thought that doing this duty would be sure to help with my life entry, and I felt I needed to seize this opportunity. But to my surprise, it was only after I actually started cooperating that I realized that in addition to screening articles, I also had to cultivate people, as well as resolve issues related to the life entry of the brothers and sisters, and I found that the workload of this duty was no less than that of a leader. Moreover, since I had just started training and wasn’t familiar with the principles or the work, I always had endless tasks to complete. With my priority being to do the work well, I felt that morning devotionals were a waste of time, and in the evenings, I’d also have to work overtime to screen articles, and I found myself caught in a cycle of work every day, and I stopped focusing on examining the corruptions I revealed. Sometimes when I realized my state was poor, I wanted to eat and drink God’s words to resolve it, but whenever I thought about all the work waiting to be done, I’d push back the matter of life entry. I originally thought that doing text-based duties would help me with my life entry, but now I couldn’t even find time for devotionals. If I kept myself this busy every day, how would I have time to seek the truth and resolve my issues? Without a change in my life disposition, how could I be saved? The more I thought about it, the sadder I became, and I even regretted taking on this duty. Especially when I saw some brothers and sisters’ experiential testimonies turned into videos and uploaded online, I felt a deep sense of restlessness, as I had believed in God for several years without writing a single experiential testimony, and I still hadn’t resolved any aspect of my corrupt disposition. What was the point of my being busy every day? I couldn’t help but complain, thinking that the leaders had assigned an unsuitable duty for me, and that this was hindering my pursuit of the truth and my opportunity for salvation. I knew it was wrong to think this way, so I prayed to God in my heart, “God, I always feel that I’m too busy with my duties to pursue the truth. I know it’s wrong to think this way, but I still don’t have much understanding of myself. Please enlighten and guide me and help me understand my issues.”

During one gathering, I read a passage of God’s words: “Some people are always saying they are so busy with their duties that they have no time to pursue the truth. This doesn’t hold. With someone who pursues the truth, whatever work they may be doing, as soon as they detect a problem, they will seek the truth to resolve it, and come to understand and gain the truth. That is a certainty. There are many who think the truth can only be understood by gathering daily. This could not be more wrong. The truth is not a thing that can be understood merely by gathering and listening to sermons; one also needs to practice and experience God’s words, and they also need that process of discovering and resolving problems. What is crucial is that they must learn to seek the truth. Those who do not love the truth do not seek it, whatever problems befall them; lovers of the truth seek it, no matter how busy they are with their duties. So, we can say with certainty that those people who are always complaining that they’re so busy with their duties that they have no time to gather, so they consequently have to put off their pursuit of the truth, are not lovers of the truth. They are people of absurd comprehension who do not have spiritual understanding. … Whether someone pursues the truth is not a matter of how busy they are with their duty or how much time they have; it depends on whether they love the truth at heart. The fact is that everyone has the same abundance of time; what’s different is where each person spends it. It is possible that anyone who says they do not have time to pursue the truth is spending their time on fleshly enjoyments, or that they are busy with some external endeavor. They do not spend that time on seeking the truth to resolve problems. This is how people are who are negligent in their pursuit. This delays the great matter of their life entry” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (3)). From God’s words, I saw that always feeling that I was too busy with my duties to focus on life entry stemmed from the root problem of me not loving the truth. I used to have a lot of work to do as a leader, and I felt I didn’t have time to read God’s words to resolve my corrupt disposition, so I wanted to do just a single-task duty. But after switching to text-based duty, I still felt that I was too busy in this duty, and that this was affecting my life entry and hindering my chance of salvation. After reading God’s words, I realized that my excuses were completely invalid. Those who love and pursue the truth can seek the truth and reflect on themselves in any situation, and learn lessons from it. But those who don’t love the truth don’t focus on seeking the truth in any situation, and they always find all kinds of excuses to not pursue the truth. I thought of many brothers and sisters who are leaders and supervisors. They’re also busy with work every day, yet they still have time to seek the truth and focus on their life entry. Just like when a leader came to our team to follow up on work, I saw that she was responsible for our work while also managing other tasks, and that she was much busier than I was every day, yet she still managed to find time for devotionals and contemplation of God’s words. Moreover, hearing her share her experiential gains from being pruned was also beneficial for us. I saw that others can seek the truth and learn lessons in the circumstances they face, leading to progress in life. I also remembered some individuals I’d encountered before who did single-task duties who were content to just finish the tasks they had on hand every day, and then spend the rest of their time on fleshly matters. They clearly had plenty of time to ponder God’s words and seek the truth, yet they have no sense of burden for their life entry, and they didn’t pay attention to others’ reminders, even resisting them. In light of these facts, I saw that my belief that being busy with duties meant one has no time to pursue the truth was fundamentally inconsistent with the truth and completely absurd. Just like now when I was doing text-based duties and screening experiential testimonies, every article I reviewed involved the truth, but why did I still feel like I had no time to focus on life entry? The root cause was that I didn’t love the truth, yet I even blamed the leaders for assigning me to an unsuitable duty, which was simply nonsensical and irrational. I was truly someone exposed by God as having absurd understanding and a lack of spiritual understanding!

Later, I read some of God’s words, and understood how to achieve life entry while we do our duties. Almighty God says: “No matter how busy people who pursue the truth are with their duties, they can still seek the truth to resolve problems that befall them, and seek fellowship about things that are unclear to them in sermons they have heard, and quiet their hearts daily to reflect on how they performed, then consider God’s words and watch videos of experiential testimony. They gain things from this. No matter how busy they are with their duties, it doesn’t hamper their life entry at all, nor does it delay it. It is natural for people who love the truth to practice in this way. People who do not love the truth do not seek the truth and are unwilling to quiet themselves before God to reflect on themselves and know themselves, regardless of whether they are busy with their duty and of what problems befall them. So, no matter whether they are busy or at leisure in their duty, they do not pursue the truth. The fact is that if someone is of a heart to pursue the truth, and longs for the truth, and carries the burden of life entry and dispositional change, then they will grow closer to God at heart and pray to Him, however busy they are with their duty. They are sure to gain some of the enlightenment and brilliance of the Holy Spirit, and their life will grow without cease. If someone does not love the truth and does not carry any of the burden of life entry or dispositional change, or if they are uninterested in these things, then they cannot gain anything. Reflecting on what outpourings one has of corruption is a thing to be done anywhere, at any time. For instance, if one has poured forth corruption while performing their duty, then in their heart, they must pray to God, and reflect on themselves, and know their corrupt disposition, and seek the truth to resolve it. This is a matter of the heart; it has no bearing on the task at hand. Is this easy to do? That depends on whether you are someone who pursues the truth. People who do not love the truth are uninterested in matters of growth in life. They do not consider such things. It is only people who pursue the truth who are willing to apply themselves to growth in life; it is only they who frequently ponder problems that actually exist, and how to seek the truth to resolve those problems. In fact, the process of resolving problems and that of pursuing the truth are the same thing. If one is constantly focused on seeking the truth to resolve problems while performing their duty, and has resolved quite a few problems over several years of such practice, then their performance of their duty is certainly up to standard. Such people have many fewer outpourings of corruption, and they have gained much true experience in performing their duties. They are thus able to testify for God. How do such people undergo the experience that began when they first took up their duty, until they were able to testify for God? They do so by relying on seeking the truth to resolve problems. That’s why no matter how busy people who pursue the truth are with their duties, they will seek the truth to resolve problems and succeed in performing their duties according to the principles, and they will be able to practice the truth and submit to God. This is the process of life entry, and it is also the process of entering the truth reality” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (3)). In the past, I always thought that devotionals required sufficient time to eat and drink God’s words and to reflect on and understand my own issues, and that this was the way to focus on life entry. So whenever I was busy with my duties, I only focused on the work, putting aside the matter of life entry. I separated my life entry from my duties. The truth is, devotionals shouldn’t be bound by regulations, and those who have a sense of burden for their life entry and love the truth can learn lessons regardless of how busy they are. Just like when a person does the duty of leaders and workers, there are many people, events, and things they encounter every day. Sometimes, brothers and sisters are living in difficulties or their corrupt dispositions impact their duties, then leaders and workers have to ponder over their states and seek God’s words to help resolve them. Sometimes when they see that brothers and sisters are revealing their serious corrupt dispositions, disrupting and disturbing the church work, they need to expose and prune them. And in doing text-based duties, each article being screened involves a certain aspect of the truth which can resolve an aspect of corrupt disposition, and if there are things a person doesn’t understand clearly, they have to actively seek the truth so that they can screen for suitable articles according to the principles. All of these things relate to life entry. What’s more, when interacting with the sisters I was cooperating with, because I lacked a grasp of the principles and my efficiency in my duties was low, I found myself concerned about my fame and reputation and comparing myself with my sisters, and I had to promptly seek the truth to resolve my corrupt disposition, so I could quickly immerse myself in my duties. Besides that, seizing spare moments to quiet oneself before God and contemplate His words is also very important, like even time spent washing up, eating, or chatting can be used to ponder God’s words or to reflect on the corruptions one reveals throughout the day. There are so many areas in a person’s duties where they need to seek the truth and learn lessons! After this, when I did my duties, I’d practice according to God’s words, and sometimes when work was busy, I’d wake up a bit earlier or use my lunch break to write devotional notes or articles. By practicing like this, I felt that my relationship with God became closer. When screening articles, I’d read the experiential understandings of my brothers and sisters, and I’d consciously reflect on my own problems in light of theirs. Sometimes, through reading their experiential understandings, I’d gain clearer insights into my own issues, and each time, I’d find that I was able to gain something. Gradually, I felt that I had become sharper in spirit, and I truly realized that one’s life entry and duties aren’t unrelated. I felt more and more that doing this duty was wonderful, and even though it would be busy, it helped me resolve my corrupt disposition. I became willing to continue practicing and focusing on life entry in this duty.

One day, I read a passage of God’s words in an experiential testimony that helped me gain some more insight into my state. Almighty God says: “People believe in God in order to be blessed, to be rewarded, to be crowned. Doesn’t this exist in everyone’s heart? It is a fact that it does. Although people don’t often talk about it, and even cover up their motive and desire to obtain blessings, this desire and motive deep in people’s hearts has always been unshakable. No matter how much spiritual theory people understand, what experiential knowledge they have, what duty they can perform, how much suffering they endure, or how much of a price they pay, they never let go of the motivation for blessings hidden deep in their hearts, and always silently toil in its service. Isn’t this the thing buried deepest inside people’s hearts? Without this motivation to receive blessings, how would you feel? With what attitude would you perform your duty and follow God? What would become of people if this motivation to receive blessings that is hidden in their hearts was gotten rid of? It is possible that many people would become negative, while some would become demotivated in their duties. They would lose interest in their belief in God, as if their soul had vanished. They would appear as if their heart had been snatched away. This is why I say the motivation for blessings is something hidden deep in people’s hearts” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Six Indicators of Life Growth). Considering God’s words, I realized that hidden behind my resistance and negativity lay a selfish desire for blessings. All along, I believed that there was nothing wrong with my desire to pursue the truth and focus on life entry, and it was only through the exposure of God’s words that I realized I had been misled by my own façade. Thinking back to when I first found God, I submitted to any duty the church arranged for me, and I seemed active and enthusiastic. Later, I let go of my family and children, and although my heart was in torment and pain, I hoped to receive blessings in the future, so I resolutely set aside my marriage and family to devote all my time to my duties. Looking back, I saw that my motivation was driven by the desire for blessings. I thought that leaving home to do my duties would give me more opportunities to practice, and that would increase my chances of being saved in the future. When doing my duties as a leader, I felt that this duty kept me so busy every day that I had no time to eat and drink God’s words, and that no matter how hard I appeared to work, without any change in my life disposition, I would ultimately be revealed and eliminated. I felt that my duties as a leader weren’t beneficial for my salvation and blessings, so I thought about switching to a single-task duty. But unexpectedly, even after taking on text-based duties, I still couldn’t find time to properly eat and drink God’s words, so I felt regretful, thinking that this duty was hindering my pursuit of truth and salvation, and I felt aggrieved and pained. I was just willing to do whichever duty I thought would allow me to gain blessings, and I resisted and became negative toward duties I thought wouldn’t allow me to gain blessings, and I even complained about the leaders for arranging duties that didn’t suit me, failing to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements. Reflecting on the opportunities God gave me to do my duties, I realized they were meant to encourage me to focus on seeking the truth to resolve my corrupt disposition, yet I didn’t know what was good for me, and I failed to cherish such a valuable opportunity to practice, constantly calculating whether I could obtain blessings. I was so ugly and despicable. If I didn’t make amends, before long I’d end up being revealed and eliminated! So I prayed to God, “God, thank You for arranging such a situation to reveal me, helping me see my shortcomings. I am willing to change my wrong viewpoint of pursuit and submit to Your orchestrations and arrangements. Please guide me.”

Although I am still busy with my duties, I no longer feel aggrieved or depressed. I try to focus on recording the insights and gains I receive while doing my duties and the corruptions I reveal, and I pray to God with a sense of burden, asking for His enlightenment and guidance, and little by little, I reflect on and come to know myself. During my devotionals, I watch experiential testimony videos that address my issues, and I try to take some time each day to reflect on myself and seek the truth, and I strive to write an experiential testimony each month. One day, I saw that the experiential testimony I wrote had been made into a video and uploaded to the website. I was so excited. Later, I saw my experience shared by many brothers and sisters, which also resolved the problems in their life entry. I realized that writing experiential testimonies could benefit others with the same issues, and that this was truly valuable and meaningful. This further strengthened my resolve to pursue the truth.

Having gone through this, I truly came to realize that pursuing life entry while doing duties is really not difficult, and that so long as our attitudes change and we actually cooperate, God will enlighten and guide us. This is greatly beneficial for our pursuit of truth and salvation! I am grateful for God’s guidance for allowing me to make these gains.