By Shu Chang, China

In the middle of March 2024, I received a letter from the upper-level leaders. It said that Xiaodi, who I had done duties in partnership with, had been arrested and betrayed God, turning Judas. He had sold out the work of the church, and the leaders and workers. The leaders urged me to go deep into hiding. My heart skipped a beat. “Xiaodi looked guileless and loyal on the outside, and was able to bear suffering and pay a price when doing his duty. Several times, dangerous environments came upon us but he never shrank back. He did his duty all the same. We even took an oath together, vowing that we would rather die than turn Judas. It has been over a year since he was arrested, and there hadn’t been any news. I thought that he had stood firm. How did he turn Judas?” I didn’t quite dare to believe it. If Xiaodi had sold me out, then wouldn’t I have become one of the CCP’s most wanted? I then thought of a letter from the church in my hometown I had received a while before. It said that the police went to my house to arrest me. They also surveilled and questioned my family, and installed a CCTV camera opposite my house. This was around the time that Xiaodi had been arrested. The police were certainly stepping up their efforts to hunt for me. I thought to myself, “For a long time, the CCP has repeatedly talked tough. They say that ‘even if those who believe in God are beaten to death, their deaths will be in vain.’ I am on their most wanted list. If I’m arrested, then even if I’m not beaten to death, I’ll be beaten until I’m disabled.” I then remembered that in the past, many brothers and sisters had been tortured to extract forced confessions after they had been arrested. My heart bunched into a ball. “If I am beaten until I’m dead or disabled, then won’t my life of believing in God be at an end? Will I have any future to speak of?” When I thought about this, I felt anguished and repressed. Xiaodi had previously been sold out by a Judas several years before, but the CCP had never given up its hunt for him. I was a supervisor, and was wanted by the CCP. The police would certainly not let me go. If I really was beaten to death after being arrested, how could I be saved? Afterward, I didn’t have the energy to do my duty anymore. When problems occurred in the work of the church, I wasn’t in the mood to handle them. All day long, I was scared that I would be arrested by the police and tortured, and that I wouldn’t survive. My heart was filled with worry.

I realized my state was terrible and had already affected my duty. I came before God to pray and seek: When this environment comes upon me, what lessons should I learn? Then I thought of a passage of God’s words and looked it up to read. Almighty God says: “What trials are you able to withstand today? Dare you say that you have a foundation, are you able to stand firm when faced with temptations? The temptations of being hunted and persecuted by Satan, for example, or of status and prestige, of marriage, or wealth, are you able to overcome these temptations? (We can more or less overcome some of them.) How many grades of temptations are there? And which grade are you able to overcome? For example, you might not be afraid when you hear that someone has been arrested for believing in God, and you may not be afraid when you see others being arrested and tortured—but when you are arrested, when you find yourself in this situation, are you able to stand firm? This is a great temptation, is it not? Say, for example you know someone, someone of pretty good humanity, who is passionate in their faith in God, who has given up family and career to perform their duty and has suffered much hardship: A day suddenly comes when they are arrested and sentenced to jail for their faith in God, and you hear that they were subsequently beaten to death. Is this a temptation of you? How would you react if this happened to you? How would you experience this? Would you seek the truth? How would you seek the truth? How, during such a temptation, would you make yourself stand firm, and understand God’s intention, and from this gain the truth? Have you ever considered such things? Are such temptations easy to overcome? Are they something extraordinary? How should things that are exceptional and contradict human notions and imaginings be experienced? If you have no path, are you liable to complain? Are you able to seek the truth in God’s words and see the essence of problems? Are you able to use the truth to determine the right principles of practice? Is this not what should be found in those who pursue the truth? How can you know God’s work? How should you experience it in order to obtain the fruits of God’s judgment, purification, salvation, and perfection? What truths ought to be understood to solve people’s myriad notions and grievances against God? What are the most useful truths you should equip yourselves with, the truths that will allow you to stand firm amid various trials? How great is your stature right now? What degree of temptations are you able to overcome? Do you have any idea? If you don’t, then this is questionable” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. In Giving One’s Heart to God, One Can Obtain the Truth). Every one of God’s questions made me feel ashamed. In the past, I had believed that ever since I started to believe in God I had engaged in passionate pursuit, forsaken things, and expended myself. The church had been subjected to many major arrests, but I hadn’t been too timid. Several brothers and sisters I knew had been arrested, but this hadn’t affected my ability to do my duty. However, when I heard that Xiaodi had turned Judas, become an accomplice of the great red dragon, and sold me out, I worried about whether I was already being surveilled by the police. I felt like I might be arrested at any place or time, so I was timid and scared in my heart, and lost faith in God. I saw that what I had understood previously was doctrine without any truth reality at all. When tribulations and trials came upon me, I didn’t come before God to seek God’s intentions, and didn’t think about how to bear testimony to God. Instead, I was negative and slacked off in my work. I was truly too rebellious! At this time, I felt self-reproach in my heart. I thought of God’s words: “You should take your stature and practice seriously. In your belief in God, you should not try to merely go through the motions for anyone—whether or not you can ultimately gain the truth and life depends on your own pursuit” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Practice (3)). When I saw God’s requirements and looked at my own stature, I felt a sense of crisis. My current stature was small, and I did not have any truth reality. If I carried on without diligently seeking and equipping myself with the truth then if I really were arrested one day, it would be very hard for me to stand firm. I didn’t want my following God to ultimately end in a mark of humiliation.

During my devotionals, I read a passage of God’s words, and understood the meaning of experiencing refinement and tribulation. I also gained some discernment of Xiaodi. Almighty God says: “Man will be fully made complete in the Age of Kingdom. After the work of conquest, man will be subjected to refinement and tribulation. Those who can overcome and stand firm in their testimony during this tribulation are the ones who will ultimately be made complete; they are the overcomers. During this tribulation, man is required to accept this refinement, and this refinement is the last instance of God’s work. It is the last time that man will be refined prior to the conclusion of all the work of God’s management, and all those who follow God must accept this final test, and they must accept this last refinement. Those who are beset by tribulation are without the work of the Holy Spirit and the guidance of God, but those who have been truly conquered and who truly seek after God will ultimately stand fast; they are the ones who are possessed of humanity, and who truly love God. No matter what God does, these victorious ones will not be bereft of the visions and will still put the truth into practice without failing in their testimony. They are the ones who will finally emerge from the great tribulation. Even though those who fish in troubled waters can still freeload today, no one is able to escape the final tribulation, and no one can escape the final test. … Those who truly follow God are able to withstand the test of their work, whereas those who do not truly follow God are incapable of withstanding any of God’s trials. Sooner or later they will be expelled, while the overcomers will remain in the kingdom. Whether or not man truly seeks God is determined by the test of his work, that is, by God’s trials, and has nothing to do with the decision by man himself. God does not reject any person lightly; all that He does can utterly convince man. He does not do anything that is invisible to man, or any work that cannot convince man. Whether man’s belief is true or not is proved by the facts and cannot be decided by man. That ‘wheat cannot be made into tares, and tares cannot be made into wheat’ is without doubt. All those who truly love God will ultimately remain in the kingdom, and God will not treat anyone who truly loves Him poorly” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God’s Work and Man’s Practice). After reading the words of God, I understood that God’s work is now coming to an end. It is the time when God will reveal all categories of people. God uses the arrests and persecution of the great red dragon, and all manner of trials and tribulations to separate true believers from false believers, to separate the wheat from the tares. Trials are a great test for every single person. No matter what trials and tribulations come upon them, those who genuinely believe in God and follow God would rather bear the suffering of the flesh or even lose their lives than sell out the interests of the church. They are able to stand firm in reliance on God. It’s just like the many brothers and sisters who were arrested and were able to overcome the humiliation and torture meted out by the police. No matter what despicable or brutal methods the police used, they never denied God or betrayed God. As for those who did not have true belief, no matter how enthusiastic they appeared on the surface or how much they were able to forsake things, expend themselves, bear suffering, and pay a price, as soon as their fleshly interests were threatened, they denied God and betrayed God. These people were opportunists who sneaked into the house of God, and were revealed through persecution and tribulation. This is the meaning of God using the great red dragon to render service. In this way, true believers and false believers, the wheat and the tares, are separated. This is where the wisdom of God’s work lies. As I pondered the words of God, I felt brightness in my heart. Although Xiaodi looked guileless and loyal on the outside, and had not done any obvious evil things over many years of believing in God—he even had done some good things—he was not interested in the truth. Usually, he was unwilling to fellowship about God’s words, and despite believing in God for many years, he had no truth reality at all. When he was faced with the torture, threats, and temptations of the great red dragon, he denied God, betrayed God, and utterly sold out the work of the church, becoming a running dog and accomplice of the CCP. The facts show that when he forsook things and expended himself in the past, he was not practicing the truth. He was a tare, blown by the wind. He was purely a disbeliever, who was revealed in God’s work. I also understood that you can’t just look at how many good things someone has done on the surface to decide if they have reality or not. Instead, you need to look at whether they can practice the truth and whether they can bear testimony in the midst of tribulations and trials. I realized that, just like Xiaodi, I only focused on bearing suffering and expending myself on the surface, but didn’t focus on putting effort into the truth, and didn’t have the slightest bit of truth reality. Although, unlike Xiaodi, I hadn’t done anything to betray God, I was timid and afraid when dangerous environments came upon me, and was negative and slack in my work, losing my testimony. When I reflected on this, I felt that the environment set up for me by God was not only a test, it was also my salvation. It allowed me to clearly see my true stature, and see that I was on the edge of danger. If I carried on not pursuing the truth then if I were arrested I would be revealed and eliminated just like Xiaodi. I came before God and prayed that I was willing to take Xiaodi’s failure as a warning and lesson, and thoroughly reflect on and know myself.

Afterward, I pondered: What was the root cause of me living in a negative state after being sold out by a Judas? I read the words of God: “Many who follow God are only concerned with how to gain blessings or stave off disaster. As soon as God’s work and management are mentioned, they fall silent and lose all interest. They think that understanding such tedious issues will not help their lives to grow or provide any benefit. Consequently, although they have heard information about God’s management, they approach it in an unserious manner. They do not see it as something precious to be accepted, much less do they comprehend it by taking it as a part of their life. Such people only have one simple aim in following God, and that aim is to receive blessings. Such people cannot be bothered to pay heed to anything else that does not directly involve this aim. To them, there is no goal more legitimate than believing in God to receive blessings—it is the very value of their faith. If something does not contribute to this aim, they remain completely unmoved by it. This is the case with most people who believe in God today. Their aim and intention seem legitimate, because as they believe in God, they also expend for God, dedicate themselves to God, and perform their duty. They give up their youth, forsake family and career, and even spend years away from home busying themselves. For the sake of their ultimate goal, they change their own interests, their outlook on life, and even the direction they seek; yet they cannot change the aim of their belief in God. They run about for the management of their own ideals; no matter how far the road is, and no matter how many hardships and obstacles there are along the way, they remain persistent and unafraid of death. What power compels them to continue dedicating themselves in this way? Is it their conscience? Is it their great and noble character? Is it their determination to battle the forces of evil to the very end? Is it their faith to bear witness to God without seeking reward? Is it their loyalty in being willing to give up everything to fulfill God’s will? Or is it their spirit of devotion to always forgo extravagant personal demands? For someone who has never understood the work of God’s management to still give so much is, quite simply, a miracle! For the moment, let us not discuss how much these people have given. Their behavior, however, is highly worthy of our dissection. Apart from the benefits that are so closely associated with them, could there be any other reasons why people who never understand God would give so much for Him? In this, we discover a previously unidentified problem: Man’s relationship with God is merely one of naked self-interest. It is a relationship between a receiver and a giver of blessings. To put it plainly, it is the relationship between an employee and an employer. The employee works hard only to receive the rewards bestowed by the employer. There is no affection in such an interests-based relationship, only transaction. There is no loving or being loved, only charity and mercy. There is no understanding, only helpless suppressed indignation and deception. There is no intimacy, only an uncrossable chasm” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Appendix 3: Man Can Only Be Saved Amidst God’s Management). The words of God expose people’s intentions and views behind believing in God. People do not believe in God to gain the truth and life. Instead, they do so in order to obtain eternal blessings. What God’s words exposed was precisely my behavior. I reflected on my previous enthusiastic expending. No matter what dangers came upon me I never stopped doing my duty. This was because I had a firm belief that by continuously expending myself in this way I would have God’s protection and would ultimately have a good destination and outcome. When I was sold out by a Judas and became a wanted person, facing the danger of arrest at any time, I worried that if I were arrested and unable to stand up to torture and betrayed God, then I would lose my chance at salvation. I felt that my hopes of gaining blessings had been extinguished, and so I lost my faith in God and didn’t want to attend to the work of the church. I saw that all my sacrifices and expenditures had been entirely driven by the desire to gain blessings. When I felt I had the hope of gaining blessings, I was active and energetic in doing my duty, but when I saw my hopes of gaining blessings had been extinguished, I became disheartened. The energy for pursuit and the motivation for doing my duty I had had in the past evaporated like morning mist. The facts showed that I had believed in God for many years, but my relationship to God was like an employee’s relationship to their employer: I sacrificed and expended on the surface to obtain benefits and a good destination from God in return. My expenditure was filled with impurities and tricks without any sincerity to God at all. I truly was selfish and vile, which made God loathe and detest me. If God had not used this environment to reveal me, I would have kept persisting in my mistaken view of pursuit. I would have believed until the end, only to be abandoned and eliminated by God. When I understood this, I felt that lying behind God’s orchestration of these environments was God’s painstaking intention. It was all to cleanse the impurities in my belief in God, turn around my incorrect views on what to pursue, and lead me to walk the correct path. This was God’s love. It was God’s salvation of me. However, I misunderstood God and complained about God. I truly lacked reason! I had hurt God’s heart too grievously!

Later, I realized that I was living in a state of timidity and fear also because I was afraid of death. Centering on this problem, I read the words of God. Almighty God says: “How did those disciples of the Lord Jesus die? Among the disciples, there were those who were stoned, dragged behind a horse, crucified upside down, dismembered by five horses—every sort of death befell them. What was the reason for their deaths? Were they lawfully executed for their crimes? No. They were condemned, beaten, scolded, and put to death because they spread the Lord’s gospel and were rejected by the people of the world—that is how they were martyred. … this was how their bodies died and passed away; this was their means of departure from the human world, yet that did not mean their outcome was the same. No matter what the means of their death and departure was nor how it happened, it was not how God defined the final outcomes of those lives, of those created beings. This is something you must see clearly. On the contrary, they used precisely those means to condemn this world and to testify to God’s deeds. These created beings used their most precious lives—they used the last moment of their lives to testify to God’s deeds, to testify to God’s great power, and to declare to Satan and the world that God’s deeds are right, that the Lord Jesus is God, that He is the Lord, and God’s incarnate flesh. Even down to the final moment of their lives, they never denied the name of the Lord Jesus. Was this not a form of judgment upon this world? They used their lives to proclaim to the world, to confirm to human beings that the Lord Jesus is the Lord, that the Lord Jesus is Christ, that He is God’s incarnate flesh, that the work of redemption He did for all humanity allows humanity to live on—this fact is forever unchanging. Those who were martyred for spreading the gospel of the Lord Jesus, to what extent did they perform their duty? Was it to the ultimate extent? How was the ultimate extent manifested? (They offered their lives.) That’s right, they paid the price with their lives. Family, wealth, and the material things of this life are all external things; the only thing that is related to the self is life. To every living person, life is the thing most worthy of being treasured, the most precious thing and, as it happens, these people were able to offer their most precious possession—life—as confirmation of and testimony to God’s love for mankind. Until the day they died, they did not deny God’s name, nor did they deny God’s work, and they used their last moments of life to testify to the existence of this fact—is this not the highest form of testimony? This is the best way of doing one’s duty; this is what it is to fulfill one’s responsibility” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Spreading the Gospel Is the Duty to Which All Believers Are Honor-Bound). After pondering God’s words, I understood that I had constantly been living in timidity and fear mainly because I cherished my life too much and was afraid I would be arrested and beaten to death. Fear of death was my fatal weakness. Now, I hadn’t been arrested but I had been scared so badly that I couldn’t even keep to my duty. If I were arrested, then I would be even less able to stand firm, and I might betray God at any time. If I was constantly afraid of arrest, and always carried on living in this way, seeking only to save my own skin, then as God saw it, what difference was there between me and the dead? I thought about those people who had turned Judases. They were greedy for life and afraid of death. To stay alive, they did not hesitate to sell out their brothers and sisters and betray God. They became a mark of humiliation. What was the meaning of living like this? The Lord Jesus said: “Whoever will save his life shall lose it: and whoever will lose his life for My sake shall find it” (Matthew 16:25). The disciples who followed the Lord Jesus were persecuted for propagating the gospel of God. Some were split by five horses, some were stoned to death, and Peter was crucified upside down for God. They used their lives to give a resounding testimony to God. From the outside, their flesh was dead, but their souls returned to God. In the last days, many brothers and sisters have been arrested by the CCP for propagating the gospel of the kingdom of God, and subjected to various tortures. Even if they are beaten to death or disabled, they don’t deny God. This is suffering persecution for righteousness. This is the most valuable and meaningful thing. Compared with them, I felt really ashamed. I had to do my duty in the midst of persecution and tribulation. Even if I was arrested by the CCP and beaten to death or disabled, that would be suffering for righteousness, and if I were to die, it would be death with glory.

In June 2024, I received a letter: A sister who had been arrested and later released said that when the police had interrogated her, the content was all about the details of us doing our duty last year. I thought to myself, “If the CCP is interrogating in such detail, they are set on finding us no matter what lengths they have to go to. They want to arrest every last one of us!” I couldn’t help but feel a bit nervous. “Now, the CCP is still trying to arrest us. I am a supervisor—I’m one of their most wanted people. Once the police arrest me, they will surely beat me until I’m at death’s door. If I am beaten to death, then I won’t have any more chances to do my duty. How can I pursue the truth and achieve salvation then?” I realized that I was thinking about my own interests again. I remembered the scene at the end of the film A Perilous Gospel Journey. The protagonist was being pursued by the CCP right until the end. However, he still preached the gospel and testified to God. When I remembered this scene and the ending credit song, I felt greatly inspired in my heart. Since God had decreed that I believe in God in the country of the great red dragon, I must have the will to suffer. I must be ready to give up my life, otherwise I would not be able to keep walking this path. No matter what kind of environment I would have to face next, I must keep to my duty at all times. Later, the sister I was working with and I acted separately. We fellowshipped with our brothers and sisters about how to take preventive measures, and, while paying attention to security, we still persisted in doing our duties. Looking back on the past year or more, when I had been hunted by the CCP and had to flee everywhere, although I had experienced some suffering and refinement, what I had gained was something that I could not gain in a comfortable environment. It is just as God says: “Tell Me, who among the billions of people all across the world is so blessed to hear so many of God’s words, to understand so many of the truths of life, and understand so many mysteries? Who among them can personally receive God’s guidance, God’s provision, His care and protection? Who is so blessed? Very few. Therefore, you few being able to live in God’s house today, receive His salvation, and receive His provision, makes it all worth it even if you were to die right now. You are so very blessed, isn’t that right? (Yes.) Looking at it from this perspective, people should not be scared stiff by the matter of death, nor should they be constrained by it. Even though you haven’t enjoyed any of the glory and wealth of the world, yet you have received the pity of the Creator and heard so many of God’s words—isn’t this blissful? (It is.) No matter how many years you live in this life, it’s all worth it and you have no regrets, because you have been constantly performing your duty in God’s work, you have understood the truth, understood the mysteries of life, and understood the path and goals you should pursue in life—you have gained so much! You have lived a worthwhile life! Even if you can’t explain it very clearly, you are able to practice some truths and possess some reality, and that proves that you have gained some life provision and understood some truths from God’s work. You have gained so much—a true abundance—and that is such a great blessing! Since the beginning of human history, no one throughout all the ages has enjoyed this blessing, yet you are enjoying it. Are you willing to die now? With such a willingness, your attitude toward death would be truly submissive, yes? (Yes.)” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (4)). I thought about how corrupt I am, but today, I am still lucky enough to follow God, and I am fortunate enough to experience persecution and tribulation in the country of the great red dragon and accept the training of the kingdom of God. This is my greatest blessing. In the revelation of this environment, I saw my true stature clearly, and somewhat changed my view of pursuing blessings and the mistaken path I walked on in believing in God. This was God’s blessing to me. When I thought this way, I shed tears of gratitude. I didn’t know what words to use to express my feelings at that moment. I just kept constantly thanking God in my heart. Now, no matter how dangerous the environment or whether I have a good outcome and destination in the future, I am willing to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements, and fulfill my duty.