By Lin Feng, China

I do the duty of composing music in the church. In October 2020, the church leaders arranged for Brother Wang Chen and me to be responsible for reviewing the work of the composers. Back then, I didn’t feel much pressure and still had some free time each day. After a few days, the church leaders promoted me to supervisor. I thought being a supervisor meant overseeing everything, that I’d surely be busy every day, and that I wouldn’t have the same ease as before, so I was a bit reluctant. But then I thought, “The church has cultivated me for so many years, so I should have a conscience, consider God’s intentions, and put in my best efforts to cooperate.” With this in mind, I agreed to the role.

After that, in my duty, I not only had to fellowship to resolve the incorrect states of my team members, but I also had to reply to letters answering their questions. Sometimes, when I hadn’t even finished reviewing the work, there would be letters that needed a prompt response, and I wouldn’t even have a moment to relax. Sometimes I wanted to relax a bit, but if I didn’t respond to certain letters in time, it would affect the work, so I had to get these responses done quickly. Later on, the leader noticed that some of the work that Wang Chen had reviewed had issues, and suggested that I review them again. This made my time even tighter. I saw all these details that needed to be addressed, and I felt really repressed. None of these tasks could be left undone, and if things went on like this, I’d be utterly mentally exhausted. I started yearning for moments when I could just relax. I thought back to how easy it was when I wasn’t a supervisor and only had to review works, and that maybe I should just go back to my old duty! But then I thought, “That would be disobedient!” So, I reluctantly continued. After a while, I began to feel like a machine, with my brain constantly under tension. There were always so many issues that needed to be responded to and handled. Although I didn’t seem to stop, and I did everything I was supposed to, I was just being swept along by the work. I didn’t feel any sense of burden in my heart, and I wasn’t seeking results. I was just mechanically completing the tasks at hand, and I never made any progress in my work. Wang Chen said I had no sense of burden, but I didn’t want to hear it and started to complain in my heart, “I’m already so busy, with so many things to handle, how can I possibly manage everything? Aren’t you asking too much of me? How many arms and heads do you think I have? I can’t be in two places at once.” I didn’t reflect on myself and even developed a bias against Wang Chen. Sometimes I thought, “Maybe I should just resign and go back to doing a single-task job, that would be much less tiring.” Because my state was wrong, I hadn’t even noticed the obvious issues in the work. It was only when Wang Chen pointed out that my perfunctory attitude and lack of care in my duty had affected the progress of the work that I started to consciously reflect on myself and prayed to God, “God, I feel that this duty is too difficult for me. I feel so distressed and repressed, and I often want to give up my duty. I know that this state is wrong, but I can’t recognize my problems. Please enlighten me and help me turn this incorrect state around.”

Later, I read a passage of God’s words: “Generally, normal people feel a bit daunted upon hearing about these difficulties, feeling some pressure, but those who are loyal and submissive to God, when faced with difficulties and feeling pressured, will silently pray in their hearts, asking God for guidance, to increase their faith, for enlightenment and assistance, and also asking for protection against making mistakes, so that they can fulfill their loyalty and exert their utmost effort so as to achieve a clear conscience. However, people such as antichrists are not like this. When they hear about specific arrangements in work from Christ that they need to implement and that the work has some difficulties, they start feeling resistant internally, and are unwilling to proceed. What does this unwillingness look like? They say: ‘Why do good things never come my way? Why am I always given problems and demands? Am I considered idle or a slave to be ordered around? I’m not that easy to manipulate! You say it so lightly, why don’t you try doing it yourself!’ Is this submission? Is this an attitude of acceptance? What are they doing? (Resisting, opposing.) How does this resistance and opposition arise? For instance, if told, ‘Go buy a few pounds of meat and cook a meal of braised pork for everyone,’ would they oppose this? (No.) But if told, ‘Today, go and till that land, and while tilling, you need to finish removing the stones first before you can have your meal,’ they would become unwilling. Once it involves physical hardship, difficulty, or pressure, their resentment surfaces, and they become unwilling to proceed; they start to resist and complain: ‘Why don’t good things happen to me? When it’s time for easy or light tasks, why am I overlooked? Why am I chosen for the hard, tiring, or dirty work? Is it because I seem guileless and easy to push around?’ This is where the internal resistance begins. Why are they so resistant? What ‘dirty and tiring work’? What ‘difficulties’? Aren’t these all part of their duty? Whoever is assigned should do it; what’s there to pick and choose about? Is it about deliberately making things difficult for them? (No.) But they believe it is deliberately making things difficult for them, putting them on the spot, so they don’t accept this duty from God and are unwilling to accept it. What is going on here? Is it that when they face difficulties, need to endure physical hardship, and can no longer live in comfort, they become resistant? Is this unconditional, complaint-free submission? They become unwilling at the slightest difficulty. Anything they don’t want to do, any work they perceive as difficult, undesirable, demeaning, or looked down upon by others, they fiercely resist, object to, and refuse, showing not the slightest bit of submission” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Ten: They Despise the Truth, Brazenly Flout Principles, and Ignore the Arrangements of God’s House (Part Four)). From God’s words, I realized that when a person with humanity encounters difficulties and pressure in their duty, they are able to pray, rely on God, and do their best to cooperate, rather than be resistant or oppositional. But when an antichrist faces even a little difficulty or pressure in their duty and needs to suffer or pay a price, the first thing they do is to resist, rebel, and complain. They even think people are trying to make life difficult for them, treating them as if they aren’t doing enough work, and driving them like a slave. From this, we see antichrists’ extreme selfishness and baseness, and that they don’t consider God’s intentions at all. Was this not how I’d been behaving? This opportunity to be a supervisor was God’s grace upon me, but when I saw the heavy workload and how closely the leaders followed up on each task, I felt that I was under a lot of pressure and that my flesh would have to suffer a lot, so I became unwilling and truly resistant. I felt this duty was too repressive and painful. I lost my sense of burden for the work, and I didn’t pay attention to the tasks I should have followed up on. When Wang Chen reminded me that I had no sense of burden, I still felt unwilling, and I even developed a bias against him. I saw that my attitude toward this situation orchestrated and arranged by God was one of resistance and opposition, and that I wasn’t submitting at all. Was I not revealing precisely the disposition of an antichrist? Whether it’s the leaders closely following the work or my partnered brother pointing out my issues, it’s all for the sake of protecting the church’s interests and ensuring the work achieves good results. I should accept this from God and do my utmost to cooperate. This is the kind of conscience and reason a normal person should have. But I felt utterly resistant and didn’t reflect on myself. I even felt wronged and considered giving up my duty. I saw that I was truly beyond reason! Treating my duty this way showed I had no humanity at all! I didn’t consider God’s intentions at all, and I only thought of my own fleshly interests, unwilling to do my utmost to satisfy God, and this affected the church’s work. In this, I had indeed been truly rebellious and wounded God’s heart. So I prayed to God, willing to change my attitude toward my duty.

After that, I thought of these words of God: “In many cases, the trials of God are burdens He gives to people. However great the burden bestowed upon you by God, that is the weight of burden you should undertake, for God understands you, and knows you will be able to bear it. The burden given to you by God will not exceed your stature or the limits of your endurance, so there is no question that you will be able to bear it. No matter what manner of burden God gives you, what kind of trial, remember one thing: Whether or not you understand God’s intentions and whether or not you are enlightened and illuminated by the Holy Spirit after you pray, whether or not this trial is God disciplining you or warning you, it does not matter if you do not understand. As long as you do not delay in performing your duty and can loyally hold fast to your duty, God will be satisfied, and you will stand firm in your testimony” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only in the Frequent Reading of God’s Words and Contemplation of the Truth Is There a Way Ahead). From God’s words, I realized that the burdens God gives to people are all within what they can bear and they won’t exceed human limits because God understands each person. This duty that had come upon me was a test from God, and I couldn’t shirk my duty for the sake of my fleshly comfort. So I prayed to God, rebelled against myself, and submitted, amending my previous attitude toward my duty. I planned my time reasonably based on the daily workload, and I prioritized my tasks, which improved the overall efficiency of the work. After a while, sometimes when the workload increased, I would still feel repressed, but I could consciously rebel against myself and actively strive upward, taking the initiative to seek principles to solve problems. Through actual cooperation, the overall results of the work improved.

After some time, I heard that the church planned to promote me to do my duty in another place, and when I thought about how my workload would be even greater from then on, my negative emotions of repression unconsciously surfaced again. Although I knew that this state was wrong, I didn’t know how to resolve it. One day, I read a passage of God’s words: “What does it mean to be unable to do as one pleases? It means not being able to act upon every desire that passes through one’s mind. Being able to do what they want, when they want, and how they want is a requirement that these people have in both their work and lives. However, due to various reasons, including laws, living environments, or the rules, systems, stipulations, and disciplinary measures of a group, and so on, people are unable to act according to their own wishes and imaginings. Consequently, they feel repressed in the depths of their hearts. To put it bluntly, this repression happens because people feel aggrieved—some people even feel wronged. Being unable to do as one pleases, to put it in frank terms, means not being able to act upon one’s own will—it means that one cannot be willful or freely indulgent due to various reasons and the restrictions of various objective environments and conditions. For example, some people are always perfunctory and find ways to slack off while performing their duties. Sometimes, the work of the church requires haste, but they just want to do as they please. If they don’t feel very well physically, or are in a bad mood and in low spirits for a couple of days, they will be unwilling to endure hardship and pay a price to do the church work. They are particularly lazy and covetous of comfort. When they lack motivation, their bodies will become sluggish, and they will be unwilling to move, but they fear being pruned by leaders and being called lazy by their brothers and sisters, so there’s nothing they can do except reluctantly perform the work along with everyone else. They will, however, feel very unwilling, unhappy, and reluctant about this. They will feel wronged, aggrieved, annoyed, and exhausted. They want to act based on their own will, but they dare not break away from or go against the requirements and stipulations of God’s house. As a result, an emotion begins to emerge within them over time—repression. Once this repressive emotion takes root in them, they will begin to gradually appear listless and weak. Like a machine, they will no longer have a clear understanding of what they are doing, but they will still do whatever they’re told to do every day, in the way that they’re told to do it. Although they will continue to carry out their tasks on the surface without stopping, without pausing, without stepping away from the environment of performing their duties, yet in their hearts they will feel repressed, and think that their lives are exhausting and full of grievances” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (5)). It was through the exposure of God’s words that I came to realize that whenever I was confronted by a heavy workload and the pressure of my duty, I would feel repressed. This mainly stemmed from my desire to do my duty according to my own whims, and once my duty didn’t align with my fleshly desires and I couldn’t do things as I pleased, I would feel repressed and pained. Before, I’d only been responsible for checking work and didn’t have to worry too much, and there wasn’t much difficulty or pressure, so I could cooperate normally. But after becoming a supervisor, I needed to take responsibility for all items of the work, and I had to consider and follow up on every item of the work. On top of that, the leaders had me oversee the work checked by Wang Chen, which meant I had to expend much more time and energy. I felt resistant and was unwilling to submit, but I didn’t dare refuse, as I feared the leaders would say I lacked a sense of burden. Although I appeared to be doing work, I was reluctant and unwilling inside. Sometimes, I would just give a piece of work a cursory check, thinking it was good enough, but then if problems arose, I’d have to redo it. When Wang Chen pointed out my problems, I would argue back and stubbornly resist, and even think about resigning. I’d enjoyed the provision of God’s words for so many years, yet I didn’t strive to do my duty well to repay God’s love. When I needed to be loyal, I did things according to my whims, even wanting to shirk my duty and disregard the work of the church. I truly lacked humanity! Thinking back on these scenes, I realized that my issue was really quite serious. If my repressive emotions weren’t resolved in a timely manner, I would only become more and more despondent and decadent, unable to do my duty well.

Later, I read more of God’s words and gained a clearer understanding of my problems. Almighty God says: “What causes people’s repression? It is certainly not due to physical fatigue, so what causes it? If people constantly seek physical comfort and happiness, if they constantly pursue physical happiness and comfort, and don’t wish to suffer, then even a little bit of physical suffering, suffering a bit more than others, or feeling a bit more overworked than usual, would make them feel repressed. This is one of the causes of repression. If people do not consider a small amount of physical suffering a big deal, and they do not pursue physical comfort, but instead pursue the truth and seek to fulfill their duties in order to satisfy God, then they often will not feel physical suffering. Even if they occasionally feel a bit busy, tired, or worn out, after they go to sleep they will wake up feeling better, and then they will continue with their work. Their focus will be on their duties and their work; they won’t consider a bit of physical fatigue a significant issue. However, when a problem arises in people’s thinking and they constantly pursue physical comfort, any time that their physical bodies are slightly wronged or cannot find satisfaction, certain negative emotions will arise within them. … They often feel repressed about these matters and are unwilling to accept help from their brothers and sisters or to be supervised by leaders. If they make a mistake, they will not allow others to prune them. They do not wish to be restrained in any way. They think, ‘I believe in God so that I can find happiness, so why should I make things difficult for myself? Why should my life be so exhausting? People ought to live happily. They shouldn’t pay so much attention to these regulations and those systems. What’s the use of always abiding by them? Right now, in this moment, I am going to do whatever I want. None of you should have anything to say about that.’ This kind of person is particularly willful and dissolute: They do not allow themselves to suffer any restraint, nor do they wish to feel restrained in any work environment. They do not wish to adhere to the regulations and principles of God’s house, they are unwilling to accept the principles that people should hold to in their comportment, and they do not even wish to abide by what conscience and reason say that they should do. They want to do as they please, do whatever makes them happy, whatever will benefit them and make them comfortable. They believe that to live under these restraints would violate their will, that it would be a kind of self-abuse, that it would be too hard on themselves, and that people should not live like that. They think that people should live free and liberated, indulging their flesh and desires with abandon, as well as their ideals and wishes. They think that they should indulge all of their ideas, say whatever they want, do whatever they want, and go wherever they want, without having to consider the consequences or other people’s feelings, and especially without having to consider their own responsibilities and obligations, or the duties that believers ought to perform, or the truth realities that they ought to uphold and live out, or the life path they should follow. This group of people always wants to do as they please in society and among other people, but no matter where they go, they can never obtain that. They believe that God’s house emphasizes human rights, grants people complete freedom, and that it cares about humanity, and about tolerating and forbearing with people. They think that after they come to God’s house they should be able to freely indulge in their flesh and desires, but because God’s house has administrative decrees and regulations, they still cannot do as they please. Therefore, this negative repressive emotion of theirs cannot be resolved even after they join God’s house. They do not live to fulfill any kind of responsibilities or to complete any missions, or to become a true person. Their belief in God is not to fulfill the duty of a created being, complete their mission, and attain salvation. Regardless of the people they are among, the environments they are in, or the profession they engage in, their ultimate goal is to find and gratify themselves. The aim of everything they do revolves around this, and self-gratification is their lifelong desire and the goal of their pursuit” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (5)). “In society, who are the people who do not attend to their proper work? They are idlers, fools, slackers, hooligans, ruffians, and loafers—people like that. They do not wish to learn any new skills or abilities, and they do not want to pursue serious careers or to find a job so that they can get by. They are the idlers and loafers of society. They infiltrate the church, and then they want to get something for nothing, and to obtain their share of blessings. They are opportunists. These opportunists are never willing to do their duties. If things do not go their way, even slightly, they feel repressed. They always wish to live freely, they do not want to perform any kind of work, and yet they still want to eat good food and wear nice clothing, and eat whatever they wish and sleep whenever they want. They think that when a day like this comes, it will surely be wonderful. They do not want to endure even a little bit of hardship and they wish for a life of indulgence. These people even find living exhausting; they are bound by negative emotions. They often feel tired and confused because they cannot do as they please. They do not want to attend to their proper work or to handle their proper affairs. They do not want to stick to a job and do it constantly from start to finish, treating it as their own profession and duty, as their obligation and responsibility; they do not want to finish it and achieve results, or do it to the best standard possible. They have never thought in that way. They just want to act in a perfunctory manner and to use their duty as a means to make a living. When they face a little pressure or some form of control, or when they are held to a slightly higher standard, or made to shoulder a bit of responsibility, they feel uncomfortable and repressed. These negative emotions arise within them, living feels exhausting to them, and they are miserable. One fundamental reason why living feels exhausting to them is that people like this lack reason. Their reason is impaired, they spend all day indulging in fantasies, living in a dream, in the clouds, always imagining the wildest things. That is why their repression is very difficult to resolve. They are not interested in the truth, they are disbelievers. The only thing we can do is ask them to leave God’s house, to return to the world and find their own place of ease and comfort” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (5)). From God’s words, I realized that the repressive emotions people feel aren’t caused by physical suffering or exhaustion, and that they’re mainly due to problems with a person’s mindset and perspective. I thought to myself, “While facing the same situation where one needs to bear a little more burden, pay a bit more price, suffer physically, worry, and expend energy, why is it that some people don’t feel repressed, and even feel that this is God’s elevation, striving to do their duties well and repay God’s love while others see it as a painful and repressive matter? Actually, it’s not due to them being too busy with work, it’s mainly due to them being too considerate of the flesh and always wanting to pursue comfort. People find joy in what they pursue and yearn for. If what they yearn for are positive things, and if they pursue obtaining the truth and fulfilling the duty of a created being to satisfy God, then working a bit harder in their duties won’t make them feel repressive, and instead, they’ll feel at ease and joyful.” The reason I felt these repressive emotions was mainly because my pursuit was based on incorrect perspectives. I lived by the satanic philosophy of “Savoring wine and enjoying music, how much time does life truly offer?” and “Life is short, so enjoy it while you can.” I believed that a person should live however they please, feeling happy and comfortable, without any restraints or restrictions, and that living this way was the epitome of freedom. If a person is always restrained and can’t act freely, they would feel suffocated, and this would be akin to self-abuse. I recalled that during my school days, many classmates worked hard to get good jobs in the future, but I felt restrained even during a 45-minute class. Even after entering the workforce, I didn’t want to be bound by company rules and regulations, and if I was always in a state of high tension, I would feel the need to change positions. After finding God, I still held this mindset, always prioritizing satisfying my own desires, wanting my work schedule to be arranged according to my wishes, and not to face any pressure. If my duty was too busy and the pressure was high, and I couldn’t do things as I wished, I would feel defiant and repressed, and I would just go through the motions in my duty, even becoming negative and slacking off. Consequently, the results of the work were impacted. My attitude toward my duty was untrustworthy and had made God detest me. In doing my duty according to my whims and satisfying my flesh, I was clearly neglecting my proper work. My perspective on matters and the things that I pursued were the same as those of loafers and good-for-nothings out in society, yet I’d mistakenly thought that living this way meant I could be unconstrained and had personality. I was truly foolish. Especially when I saw that God says of such people that “Their reason is impaired,” “they are disbelievers,” and “ask them to leave God’s house, to return to the world and find their own place of ease and comfort,” I felt even more regretful and guilty. I came before God in prayer, “God, I am willing to change my previous wrong perspectives on pursuits, and no longer pursue doing things according to my whims. I want to be a responsible person who shoulders burden, and no matter how great the difficulties or pressures I face, I will do my duty loyally so that Your heart may be comforted.”

Later, I read another passage of God’s words and found a path of practice. Almighty God says: “Those who truly believe in God are all individuals who attend to their proper work, they are all willing to perform their duties, capable of shouldering a piece of work and doing it well according to their caliber and the regulations of God’s house. Of course, it may be challenging to adapt to this life at first. You may feel physically and mentally exhausted. However, if you truly have the resolve to cooperate and the willingness to become a normal and good person, and to achieve salvation, then you must pay a bit of a price and allow God to discipline you. When you have the urge to be willful, you must rebel against it and let go of it, gradually reducing your willfulness and selfish desires. You must seek God’s help in crucial matters, at crucial times, and in crucial tasks. If you do have resolve, then you should ask God to chasten and discipline you, and to enlighten you so that you may understand the truth, that way you will get better results. If you genuinely have resolve, and you pray to God in His presence and supplicate to Him, God will act. He will change your state and your thoughts. If the Holy Spirit does a little work, moving you a little, and enlightening you a little, your heart will change, and your state will be transformed. When this transformation occurs, you will feel that living this way is not repressive. Your repressed state and emotions will be transformed and alleviated, and they will be different from before. You will feel that living like this is not tiring. You will find enjoyment performing your duty in the house of God. You will feel that it is good living, comporting yourself, and performing your duty in this way, enduring hardships and paying a price, following the rules, and doing things based on the principles. You will feel that this is the kind of life that normal people should have. When you live by the truth and perform your duty well, you will feel that your heart is steady and at peace, and that your life is meaningful. You will think: ‘Why didn’t I know this before? Why was I so willful? Before, I lived according to Satan’s philosophies and disposition, living as neither human nor ghost, and the more I lived, the more painful it felt. Now that I understand the truth, I can shed a bit of my corrupt disposition, and I can feel the true peace and joy of a life spent fulfilling my duty and practicing the truth!’ Will your mood not then have changed? (Yes.) Once you realize why your life felt repressive and miserable before, once you find the root cause of your suffering, and resolve the problem, you will have hope of changing. As long as you strive toward the truth, put more effort into God’s words, fellowship more about the truth, and also listen to the experiential testimonies of your brothers and sisters, you will have a clearer path, and won’t your state then improve? If your state improves, your repressive emotions will gradually ease, and no longer entangle you” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (5)). From God’s words, I came to realize that those who truly love the truth and attend to their proper duties understand and consider God’s intentions, and always keep proper matters in mind. They consider fulfilling their duties and pleasing God as their responsibility and mission. Even if there are many difficulties and great pressures, they will pray to and rely on God and do their best in every task. When they feel like being willful, they are able to rebel against themselves and ask God for chastening and discipline. I thought of Noah when he received God’s commission. He understood God’s urgent intentions, so when faced with the monumental task of building the ark, even though the difficulty and pressure were immense, Noah had no intention of avoiding or escaping it, nor did he treat it perfunctorily. Instead, he was anxious and only wanted to complete God’s commission as quickly as possible. He listened carefully to each of God’s instructions and acted on them, and he was afraid of missing any details that would affect the quality and progress of the work. Looking at myself, I truly was so lacking in humanity. God hadn’t made any exorbitant demands of me, He had just given me some more burdens to bear based on what I could achieve with my stature and caliber, and He was doing this so that I could train more, make faster life progress, and come to do my duty in an up-to-standard manner sooner. And yet, I hadn’t understood God’s heart at all; I really was indebted to Him. If I were assigned to shoulder more burdens, I absolutely couldn’t let down God’s painstaking good intentions again. Right after I had learned this lesson, the leader wrote to me, asking me to do my duties in another place. I knew this was God placing another burden upon me, and that no matter how much pressure this came with, I had to shoulder this responsibility. This was also an opportunity for me to make up for my transgression, so I agreed. After I moved to that new place elsewhere to do my duty, the workload did indeed increase, and I would still feel a lot of pressure. However, when I thought about how this extra burden was God’s protection over me, preventing me from indulging in my flesh and helping me to focus my energy on my duties, I knew I could no longer follow my flesh, that I had to be responsible and accountable, and that I had to learn to consider God’s heart. Because my perspective has changed, although there are still some difficulties and pressures in the work, I no longer feel repressed. Instead, I see pressure as a kind of responsibility. I feel greatly liberated and have come to enjoy peace and joy in my duties.