By Cheng Xiao, China

In March 2023, I was responsible for the gospel work of a church. The results of the work in this church were quite poor. I worked hard for a while, but there were still no improvements, and I felt really anxious. One day, I heard that the leaders were going to come to a gathering to look into the work and I felt very uneasy, thinking, “Last time the leaders came, they fellowshipped the matter of cultivating people with us, but I still haven’t found a suitable candidate. When leaders see that I’ve been practicing for so long but still can’t do the work well, will they think that I’m lacking in work capabilities? If that happens, they’ll completely lose their good impression of me!” As I was trying to sleep that night, whenever I thought about the leaders coming to look into the work, I couldn’t calm my heart and felt really worried.

The next day, when the leaders came to look into the work, I was afraid that they would see the poor results and think I couldn’t do real work, so before they could ask any questions, I quickly explained how I had reassigned the gospel workers, and how I had followed up on the gospel work. They asked my partnered sister Xiao Lin some questions, and whenever I heard Xiao Lin miss some points, I’d quickly jump in to make up for whatever she’d missed, wanting to show the leaders that I had some work capabilities and could do some real work. After this exchange, the leaders didn’t say anything, and I breathed a sigh of relief. A while later, the leaders asked us what recent deviations and difficulties we’d had in preaching the gospel. I thought, “Recently, the work I’m responsible for hasn’t been fruitful, so maybe it would be good to let them know about the situation so they can help find out why this is?” But then I thought, “If I bring up these issues, and they discover other problems with my duties, won’t it be even clearer that I lack work capabilities? Wouldn’t I just end up humiliating myself if I said that?” With this in mind, I swallowed the words that were on the tip of my tongue. In the afternoon, the leaders corrected and pruned me, saying, “You say you’ve done this task and that task, making it seem like there aren’t any problems or deficiencies, but the work still hasn’t yielded any results. You should reflect on the reasons for this.” After the leaders left, I felt kind of uneasy, and I felt very guilty for not revealing how things were really going with the work. I thought of these words of God: “Many people would rather be condemned to hell than speak and act honestly. Little wonder that I have other treatment in store for those who are dishonest” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Three Admonitions). I was clearly having difficulties in my duty, but when the leaders came to the gathering, I was afraid to expose my lack of work capabilities and lose face, so I didn’t speak up. This led to difficulties not being resolved and the work being impacted. I felt that this nature was quite serious. I was deceiving both other people and God. My heart felt like it was burning with discomfort.

Afterward, I read these words of God: “Antichrists are inherently wicked; they don’t possess a heart of honesty, of love for the truth, or of love for positive things. They are often living in dark corners—they do not act with an attitude of honesty, they are not forthright in their words, and they are wicked and deceitful toward other people and God. They want to deceive others, and to deceive God, as well. They will not accept others’ supervision, much less God’s scrutiny. When they are among other people, they never want anyone to know what, deep down, they are thinking and planning, what sort of person they are, and what attitude they harbor toward the truth, and so on; they don’t want others to know any of this, and they also want to wheedle God, to keep Him in the dark. That’s why, when an antichrist doesn’t have status, when they don’t have opportunities to manipulate the situation in a group of people, then no one can really figure out what lies behind their words and actions. People will wonder: ‘What are they thinking about each day? Are there any intents behind their performance of their duty? Are they revealing corruption? Do they feel any jealousy or hatred toward others? Do they have any biases against other people? What are their views on what others say? What do they think when they encounter certain things?’ Antichrists never let others know what is really going on with them. Even if they do express a few words about their opinion on something, they will be vague and ambiguous, they will talk in circles so that others can’t tell what they’re trying to convey, and don’t know what they want to say, or what they’re trying to express, leaving everyone scratching their heads. After someone like that gains status, they become even more surreptitious in their behavior around other people. They want to protect their ambitions, their reputation, their image and their name, their status and dignity, and so on. That’s why they don’t want to be up front about how they do things or their motives for doing things. Even when they make a mistake, reveal a corrupt disposition, or when the motives and intents behind their actions are wrong, they don’t want to open up and allow others to find out about it, and they often put up an appearance of innocence and perfection to trick the brothers and sisters. And with the Above and with God, they only say nice-sounding things, and often use deceptive tactics and lies to maintain their relationship with the Above. When they report to the Above on their work, and talk to the Above, they never say anything unpleasant, so that no one can discover any of their weak points. They will never mention what they’ve done down below, any of the issues that have arisen in the church, the problems or flaws in their work, or things they can’t understand or see through to. They never ask or seek with the Above about these things, and instead just present an image and appearance of competence in their work, of being capable of completely shouldering their work. They don’t report any of the problems that exist in the church to the Above, and no matter how chaotic things may be in the church, the magnitude of the flaws that have appeared in their work, or exactly what they’ve been doing down below, they repeatedly cover all that up, endeavoring to never let the Above catch wind of or hear any news about these things, even going so far as to transfer people who are connected to these matters or who know the truth about them to faraway places in an effort to conceal what’s really going on. What sort of practices are these? What kind of behavior is this? Is it the sort of manifestation a person who pursues the truth ought to have? Very clearly, it is not. This is the behavior of a demon. Antichrists will do their utmost to conceal, to cover up anything that could have an impact on their status or reputation, keeping these things from other people and from God. This is deceiving those above and below them” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Eleven). From God’s words, I saw that antichrists are inherently wicked and deceitful. In order to protect their face and status, whenever they have any problems or difficulties in their duties, or no matter how much loss they cause to their duties, they deceive others to hide these things and pretend to be competent in their work. This behavior is a demonic act of trying to deceive both one’s superiors and subordinates. Reflecting on myself, I was well aware of the fact that the effectiveness of the work I was responsible for was poor, and that I was having difficulties in cultivating people, and when the leaders came to the gathering, I should have mentioned this and let them help resolve it. But I was afraid that they would think I lacked work capabilities and that I would lose my good image in their eyes. Without waiting for them to look into the work, I hurriedly mentioned how I had been putting effort into following up on the work, wanting them to see that I had work capabilities and that I could solve actual problems, thereby making it seem like the poor results weren’t my responsibility. When the leaders came to look into how the gospel work was going, I was well aware that I should have mentioned the difficulties and sought solutions as soon as possible, but I was afraid of exposing my deviations and loopholes in my duties and losing my face and status, so I kept my mouth shut. My work capabilities were poor, and there were many problems in my duties, and the church’s work had already suffered losses, but to preserve my face and status, I tried to give others the impression that I was competent in my work. Antichrists, no matter what wrongs or evils they commit, will go to any lengths to conceal and deceive in order to protect their reputation and status, with no regard for the interests of God’s house. I was lying and deceiving to conceal the truth that I couldn’t perform real work, so what difference was there between me and an antichrist? Thinking about this made me feel very regretful, so I quickly wrote to the leaders about my recent state and about the lack of results in my duties. After the leaders understood this, although they pruned me for my deceit, they also guided me to reflect on myself and helped me find the reasons for this lack of effectiveness in my work. They found that I was just spouting slogans in my work, that I hadn’t fellowshipped solutions addressing the actual difficulties of my brothers and sisters, and that I’d failed to provide a practical path forward. Once I identified my issues, my heart felt much brighter.

After this, I consciously practiced being an honest person, but sometimes I would still find myself bound by my corrupt disposition. One time, when the leaders came to a gathering, I recalled that there was a gospel worker who’d had pretty good caliber, but that he’d worked according to his own ideas and didn’t pay attention to entering into principles. I had fellowshipped with him a few times but had seen no improvement, so I thought I should bring this matter up with the leaders and seek how to resolve it. But then I thought, “If the leaders discover my shortcomings, will they say my work capabilities are lacking? That would be humiliating! Perhaps I should just keep quiet.” But then I remembered the lesson I’d learned from my last failure, and I thought of a passage of God’s words: “If you are a leader or worker, are you afraid of the house of God making inquiries about and supervising your work? Are you afraid that the house of God will discover lapses and mistakes in your work and prune you? Are you afraid that after the Above gets to know your real caliber and stature, they will see you in a different light and not consider you for promotion? If you have these fears, this proves that your motivations are not for the sake of church work, you are working for the sake of reputation and status, which proves that you have the disposition of an antichrist. If you have the disposition of an antichrist, you are liable to walk the path of antichrists, and commit all the evil wrought by antichrists” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Eight: They Would Have Others Submit Only to Them, Not the Truth or God (Part Two)). Contemplating God’s words, I realized that I had placed too much importance on my face and status, and that this had led me to act deceitfully and do things that had harmed the interests of God’s house. In this, I was walking the path of an antichrist. I then spoke out about the issues I wanted to seek help for. The leaders discovered that I wasn’t fellowshipping the truth to resolve issues, and that instead, I was exploiting my position to lecture others. This was constraining people, and leaving them without a path in their duties. When the leaders pointed out these issues, I felt my face burn hot, and I thought to myself, “What will they think of me now? Will they think I lack humanity? This is utterly humiliating!” I began to regret speaking the truth. But then I thought, “Isn’t the purpose of speaking out to identify these reasons and resolve the issues? If I’m constrained by my face and unwilling to accept these things, how can problems be resolved?” So I prayed to God to help me rebel against myself, accept and submit. I also recalled that I had exhibited such behavior not just toward this one gospel worker, but toward others as well. When I saw that their effectiveness in their duties was poor, I didn’t reflect on which of my own tasks weren’t done well or look into their difficulties, but instead, I’d feel my own face and status had been damaged and reprimand them. This not only failed to help them but also constrained them. Later on, I quickly apologized to my brothers and sisters, and opened my heart to fellowship about my state. The state of the gospel workers improved a bit, and they came to recognize their shortcomings, and became willing to strive for improvement. When following up on work later on, I paid more attention to fellowshipping principles, and to providing more good paths of practice. At that time, although it was a bit embarrassing to practice being an honest person and open up to the leaders, this allowed me to recognize my issues and make timely adjustments, and this was beneficial for my life entry and my duties.

Afterward, I also thought, “I clearly know that practicing being an honest person is what God requires, but why am I always afraid of being looked down upon and unwilling to practice being an honest person?” I prayed to God for guidance, and I recalled God’s fellowship dissecting a saying ingrained into us by our family, “People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark.” So I looked it up to read it. Almighty God says: “When family elders often tell you that ‘People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark,’ it is to make you attach importance to having a good reputation, living a proud life, and not doing things that heap disgrace upon you. So does this saying guide people in a positive or negative way? Can it lead you to the truth? Can it lead you to understand the truth? (No, it cannot.) You can say with all certainty, ‘No, it cannot!’ Think about it, God says that people should comport themselves as honest people. When you have transgressed, or done something wrong, or done something that rebels against God and goes against the truth, you need to admit your mistake, gain an understanding of yourself, and keep dissecting yourself in order to achieve true repentance, and thereafter act in accordance with God’s words. So, if people are to comport themselves as honest people, does that conflict with the saying ‘People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark’? (Yes.) How does it conflict? The saying ‘People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark’ is intended to make people attach importance to living out their bright and colorful side and doing more things that make them look good—rather than doing things that are bad or dishonorable, or exposing their ugly side—and to prevent them from living without pride or dignity. For the sake of one’s reputation, for the sake of pride and honor, one cannot rubbish everything about oneself, let alone tell others about one’s dark side and shameful aspects, because one must live with pride and dignity. In order to have dignity one needs a good reputation, and to have a good reputation one needs to put up a pretense and dress oneself up. Doesn’t this conflict with comporting oneself as an honest person? (Yes.) When you comport yourself as an honest person, what you are doing is completely at odds with the saying ‘People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark.’ If you want to comport yourself as an honest person, don’t attach importance to pride; a person’s pride isn’t worth a cent. Faced with the truth, one should expose oneself, not put up a pretense or create a false image. One must reveal to God one’s true thoughts, the mistakes one has made, the aspects that violate the truth principles, and so on, and also lay these things bare to one’s brothers and sisters. It is not a matter of living for the sake of one’s reputation, but rather, it is a matter of living for the sake of comporting oneself as an honest person, living for the sake of pursuing the truth, living for the sake of being a true created being, and living for the sake of satisfying God and being saved. But when you don’t understand this truth, and don’t understand God’s intentions, the things that are conditioned into you by your family tend to dominate. So when you do something wrong, you cover it up and put up a pretense, thinking, ‘I can’t say anything about this, and I won’t allow anyone else who knows about it to say anything either. If any of you say anything, I won’t let you off lightly. My reputation comes first. Living is for nothing if not for the sake of one’s reputation, because it’s more important than anything else. If a person loses their reputation, they lose all their dignity. So you can’t tell it like it is, you have to pretend, you have to cover things up, otherwise you will lose your reputation and dignity, and your life will be worthless. If no one respects you, then you’re just worthless, cheap trash.’ Is it possible to comport yourself as an honest person by practicing this way? Is it possible to be completely open and dissect yourself? (No, it isn’t.) Obviously, by doing this you are adhering to the saying ‘People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark’ that your family has conditioned into you. However, if you let go of this saying in order to pursue the truth and practice the truth, it will cease to affect you, and it will cease to be your motto or your principle for doing things, and instead what you do will be precisely the opposite of this saying ‘People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark.’ You won’t be living for the sake of your reputation, nor for the sake of your dignity, but rather, you will be living for the sake of pursuing the truth, and comporting yourself as an honest person, and seeking to satisfy God and live as a true created being. If you adhere to this principle, you will have let go of the conditioning effects that your family exerts on you” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (12)). From God’s words, I found the reason why I was always constrained by concerns about my face and unable to be an honest person. This was all the result of my being influenced by the satanic poison of “People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark” since childhood. I had come to place my face and status above all else, believing that having face and status among others was what brought about a glorious life of dignity and integrity. If I exposed my shortcomings, I would feel devalued and looked down upon by others, which would make me feel as if I were losing my life, and it was extremely painful. But in reality, speaking out about my issues in my duties to seek guidance could allow me to recognize my shortcomings and find ways to resolve them, allowing me to do my duties well. But when issues arose in my duties, I didn’t seek to resolve them, but rather acted deceitfully to protect my face and status. Even when my actions did harm the work, I covered up these problems in my duties, and all the while, I constantly talked about the work I had accomplished, leading the leaders to believe that I had no difficulties in my duties, which prevented the timely resolution of problems. I lied to save face, and I tried to deceive both the leaders and God without giving any thought to the church’s interests. Where was my dignity and integrity in that? I was living out the likeness of a demon. Dignity and integrity aren’t maintained by packaging oneself or protecting one’s face. Only when a person is able to practice being an honest person, has the courage to admit any shortcomings or mistakes, and accepts and practices the truth with the interests of God’s house at the forefront of their mind can they be considered a person with integrity and dignity. Living according to satanic poisons only makes people increasingly wicked and deceitful, and commit more and more evil acts, eventually being loathed and eliminated by God.

I then thought of this passage of God’s words: “And what lies at the root of the pursuit of self-interest? It is that people see their own interests as being more important than everything else. They engage in deceit in order to benefit themselves, and their deceitful disposition is thereby revealed. How should this problem be resolved? First you must discern and know what interests are, what they bring to people exactly, and what the consequences of pursuing them are. If you can’t figure this out, then forsaking them will be easier said than done. If people don’t understand the truth, then nothing is harder for them to give up than their own interests. That’s because their life philosophies are ‘Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost’ and ‘Man dies for wealth as birds do for food.’ Clearly, they live for their own interests. People think that without their own interests—that if they were to lose their interests—they wouldn’t be able to survive. It’s as if their survival is inseparable from their own interests, so most people are blind to all but their own interests. They see their own interests as higher than anything else, they live for their own interests, and getting them to give up their own interests is like asking them to give up their own lives. So, what should be done in such circumstances? People must accept the truth. Only when they understand the truth can they see through to the essence of their own interests; only then can they begin to relinquish and rebel against them, and be able to endure the pain of letting go of that which they love so much. And when you can do this and forsake your own interests, you will feel more at ease and more at peace in your heart, and in so doing you will have overcome the flesh. If you cling to your interests and refuse to give them up, and if you are not in the least bit accepting of the truth, in your heart, you may say, ‘What’s wrong with trying to benefit myself and refusing to suffer any losses? God hasn’t punished me, and what can people do to me?’ No one can do anything to you, but with this faith in God, you will ultimately fail to gain the truth and life. This will be a huge loss for you—you will not be able to attain salvation. Is there any greater regret? This is what ultimately comes from pursuing your own interests. If people only pursue fame, gain, and status—if they only pursue their own interests—then they will never gain the truth and life, and ultimately, they will be the ones who suffer a loss” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Knowing One’s Disposition Is the Foundation of Changing It). God’s words reminded me that only by giving up my interests and practicing being an honest person could I attain the truth and receive God’s salvation. Gaining face and status may satisfy temporary vanity, but it cannot lead to salvation. I thought back on how I spoke out the truth on those two occasions. Although it felt a little embarrassing at the time, through the guidance and help of the leaders, I recognized that I had taken the wrong path by working for the sake of my face and status, and I saw the deviations in my duties and found the principles and paths by which to resolve these issues. In comparison, what was a little loss of face? The leaders were aware of my poor work capabilities, and I should face this bravely and treat it correctly, truthfully expressing any issues or difficulties and seeking the truth to bring about resolutions. Only by doing my duty this way would I be able to make progress. Conversely, if I tried to protect myself by being deceitful, I wouldn’t just fail to understand my own problems, but it would also impact the effectiveness of my duties and I would leave behind transgressions. Wouldn’t this have been foolish of me? Recognizing this, I resolved to practice being an honest person and walk the path of salvation.

After that, I continued to seek, and I realized that I’d always feared the leaders would supervise and look into my work, mainly because I didn’t understand the significance of the leaders’ supervision of the work. I had been deeply corrupted by Satan, and I could act based on my corrupt disposition in my duties at any moment. Therefore, I needed the leaders and workers to frequently supervise and inquire after the work, so that when problems were found, they could fellowship promptly and help correct them. This would also help me avoid committing any evils that would disrupt and disturb the church’s work. This was a safeguard for me! Moreover, I placed great importance on my face and status, often seeking instant results and violating principles in my duties, while thinking that I had a strong sense of burden for my duties. Even when the results of the work were poor, I failed to reflect on and know myself and identify the reasons why this happened. After the leaders looked into this, though they exposed and pruned me, through their guidance and fellowship, I was able to recognize my problems, and I realized that accepting the leaders’ supervision was essential. After that, I consciously practiced being an honest person, and whether interacting with the leaders or with my brothers and sisters, I practiced speaking honestly. Sometimes, when I was having issues in my duties and didn’t know how to solve them, even though I’d want to open up, I’d still fear being looked down upon, so I’d quickly rebel against myself, and by opening up and seeking fellowship, I’d unknowingly find a way to resolve the issues at hand. I’ve come to realize that being an honest person is very helpful for my duties and for my life entry. Through this experience, I have come to understand the significance of being an honest person, and I’ve gained some knowledge of my deceitful disposition. I can attribute these gains to the guidance of God’s words. Thank God!