By Yao Yongxin, China

Before I was born, my father passed away due to illness, leaving my mother to raise five children alone, struggling to get by. No one in the village respected us. Since my earliest memories, my mother constantly taught us, “A person must have dignity. Though we are poor, we should not lose our spirit.” “‘A man leaves his name behind wherever he stays, just as a goose utters its cry wherever it flies.’ You should leave a good name in your lifetime. If you don’t have a good reputation, what’s the point of your living? Wherever you go, you must give people a good impression. Whatever you do, don’t let people speak ill of you. Instead, make sure people remember your goodness.” Under my mother’s long-term, earnest guidance, the saying “A man leaves his name behind wherever he stays, just as a goose utters its cry wherever it flies” took deep root in my heart. It became the direction of my conduct and comportment, and I cared greatly about my image in the eyes of others in everything I did. I remembered when I was a teenager, I overheard my sister-in-law complain that my mother and elder sister didn’t help babysit her kids. I thought I couldn’t let her speak badly about me behind my back, so I proactively babysat her kids, washing their clothes and feeding them. Later, my sister-in-law often praised me in front of others, saying I was the best one in my family. The villagers also complimented me. Hearing all this made me very happy. After I got married, my mother-in-law was bedridden, and after taking care of her for some time, my body was overwhelmed. When I paid a visit to my mother, I complained to her. She advised me, “You need to be good to your mother-in-law; you can’t leave a bad reputation.” Pondering on my mother’s words, I agreed with her. Living a lifetime is indeed about leaving a good name, avoiding a bad reputation. My two sisters-in-law and I were supposed to take turns caring for my mother-in-law. But to forge a good reputation in the village, I took it upon myself to care for her alone for ten years until she passed away. And I received praise from the villagers and the good reputation I desired.

After starting my faith in God, I continued to remember my mother’s teachings. I cared deeply about the church brothers’ and sisters’ evaluations of me, fearing that any mistake I made might give them a bad impression. At that time, I fervently pursued my faith, diligently reading God’s word, and actively participating in fellowshipping during gatherings. I soon started my duty as a church leader. To maintain a good image in the hearts of the brothers and sisters, I focused even more on eating and drinking God’s word, so they would see me as someone who could fellowship the truth and was a competent leader. I also worked hard to maintain good relationships with my coworkers. Whenever they asked for my help, I did my best to assist them. Sometimes, they would skip group meetings for personal matters, or bring unsolved issues to me and ask me to fellowship to address the problems instead of resolving them themselves. I took on these tasks as well. Due to the increased workload, I left home early and returned late every day. I didn’t actually want to be so busy every day. Besides, my husband prevented me from doing my duties and frequently scolded me after I got home. Despite feeling bitter and exhausted, I always promised to help my coworkers, no matter how difficult it was, in order to maintain their good opinion of me. Whenever the brothers and sisters had grievances in their lives or difficulties in their duties, they would come to me, and I would comfort them and find some of God’s words to fellowship with them. In the church, I earned unanimous praise from the brothers and sisters.

Once, when I was talking with Sister Zheng Lu about my state, she mentioned that several brothers and sisters had said I was arrogant and that I spoke in a harsh tone of voice. I was stunned, and tried to guess who had such an opinion of me. Reflecting on every interaction I’d had with the brothers and sisters, I remembered that when handling a report letter recently, without verifying the details, I had hastily formed a certain characterization based on my own notions and imaginings and forced others to go along with it. I had indeed been arrogant and conceited. But realizing that the brothers and sisters had this opinion of me was somewhat hard to accept, and I felt very dejected, thinking, “I’d always thought that I had a pretty good image in the hearts of the brothers and sisters. But it turns out to be so terrible. This really is mortifying! How can I face them in the future?” In an instant, my mood plummeted to rock bottom, and I felt very frustrated, my mind filled with thoughts of their negative opinions of me. That night, I tossed and turned in bed, unable to sleep, and quietly cried. I even considered giving up my duty. I felt utterly deflated, like the wind had been taken out of my sails. To restore my image in the hearts of the brothers and sisters, when attending gatherings again, I paid special attention to my tone of voice and expressions. When I talked to them, I tried to use a soft and gentle tone. When noticing issues in their duties, I avoided pointing out the issues or exposing them directly. Instead, I coaxed them into getting things done, hoping they’d feel that I was approachable rather than arrogant and conceited. Once, during a gathering to implement work, a group leader arrived very late due to household matters, delaying the gathering. Some brothers and sisters had reported that she lacked a burden in her duty, and that she usually arrived late to gatherings. I wanted to point this out and prune her, but then I thought, “If I prune her, will she speak ill of me to the brothers and sisters, saying how harsh I am and how I prune her? If so, won’t that leave a bad impression of me in the hearts of more brothers and sisters?” To maintain my pride and status, I restrained myself and amiably said to the group leader, “Next time, please don’t be late, or it will delay the work.” After saying this, I realized that if I continued not pointing out her issues like this, it could have an impact on church life. However, I was afraid that she would have a bad impression of me, so I didn’t point them out. After the gathering, I felt exhausted from pretending like this. That group leader remained unchanged afterward. She continued to drag her feet in her duty, lacking a sense of burden. I felt repressed and anguished, even to the point of thinking that I couldn’t continue this duty because it was too exhausting.

One day, I read a passage of God’s words: “Family conditions people not just with one or two sayings, but with a whole host of well-known quotations and aphorisms. For example, do your family elders and parents often mention the saying ‘A man leaves his name behind wherever he stays, just as a goose utters its cry wherever it flies’? (Yes.) They are telling you: ‘People must live for the sake of their reputation. People seek nothing else in their lifetime, other than to forge a good reputation among others and make a good impression. Wherever you go, be more generous in giving out greetings, pleasantries, and compliments, and say more kind words. Don’t offend people, but instead do more good deeds and kind acts.’ This particular conditioning effect exerted by family has a certain impact on people’s behavior or principles of conduct, with the inevitable consequence that they attach great importance to fame and gain. That is, they attach great importance to their own reputation, prestige, the impression they create in people’s minds, and others’ estimation of everything they do and every opinion they express. By placing great importance on fame and gain, you unwittingly place little importance on whether the duty you perform accords with the truth and principles, whether you are satisfying God, and whether you are fulfilling your duty adequately. You see these things as being of lesser importance and lower priority, whereas the saying ‘A man leaves his name behind wherever he stays, just as a goose utters its cry wherever it flies,’ which your family has conditioned into you, becomes extremely important to you. It makes you pay great attention to how every detail of yourself comes across in people’s minds. In particular, some people pay special attention to what other people really think of them behind their backs, to the point of eavesdropping through walls, listening through half-open doors, and even stealing a glance at what other people write about them. As soon as someone mentions their name, they think, ‘I have to hurry up and listen to what they’re saying about me, and whether they have a good opinion of me. Oh dear, they said that I’m lazy and that I like to eat nice food. Then I have to change, I can’t be lazy in the future, I must be diligent.’ After being diligent for a while, they think to themselves, ‘I’ve been listening to whether everyone is saying that I’m lazy, and no one seems to have said it lately.’ But still they are uneasy, so they casually drop it into their conversations with those around them, saying: ‘I am a bit lazy.’ And others reply: ‘You’re not lazy, you’re much more diligent now than you used to be.’ At this they instantly feel reassured, overjoyed, and comforted. ‘Look at that, everyone’s opinions of me have changed. It seems that everyone has noticed the improvement in my behavior.’ Everything you do is not for the sake of practicing the truth, nor in order to satisfy God, but rather, it is for the sake of your own reputation. In this way, what has everything that you do effectively become? It has effectively become a religious act. What has become of your essence? You have become the archetype of a Pharisee. What has become of your path? It has become the path of antichrists. That is how God defines it. So, the essence of everything you do has become tainted, it’s no longer the same; you are not practicing the truth or pursuing it, but instead you are pursuing fame and gain. Ultimately as far as God is concerned, the performance of your duty is—in a word—inadequate. Why is that? Because you are devoted only to your own reputation, rather than to that which God has entrusted to you, or to your duty as a created being. What do you feel in your heart when God comes up with such a definition? That your belief in God all these years has been in vain? So does that mean you haven’t been pursuing the truth at all?” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (12)). From God’s words, I came to understand that people have been influenced by the saying “A man leaves his name behind wherever he stays, just as a goose utters its cry wherever it flies.” They are particularly concerned about how others evaluate them. They focus on their own status and image in others’ hearts, always striving through their words and actions to leave a good impression on others and garner a positive reputation. I couldn’t help but reflect on my persistent pursuit of a good image in others’ hearts, realizing that it was influenced by this kind of thought and viewpoint. When I was young, I overheard my sister-in-law speak ill of my mother and elder sister. To prevent my sister-in-law from saying bad things about me, I took the initiative to wash her kids’ clothes and feed them. After getting married, to forge a good reputation among people, I voluntarily cared for my bedridden mother-in-law for ten years. Although I was exhausted and reluctant, I endured those sufferings no matter how difficult it was. After I started believing in God, to leave a good impression on the brothers and sisters, I eagerly pursued my faith and actively did my duty. When my coworkers delayed their duty for personal matters, I didn’t point this out but helped them to get it done instead. Hearing praise from others made me overjoyed and motivated me to do my duty, willing to endure any hardship. When hearing negative evaluations from the brothers and sisters, I felt so upset that I even wanted to abandon my duty. I became focused on restoring my image in their hearts. When meeting the brothers and sisters, I spoke to them cautiously, trying to make my tone as gentle as possible and greeting them with a smile, so they would see me as approachable. When I saw that the group leader was often late to gatherings and irresponsible, I should have pointed out and exposed her issues. But I feared that pruning her would leave a negative impression of me in others’ hearts. So, I turned a blind eye, making light of it and putting it in a mild and gentle way, so that everyone would have a good impression of me. As a church leader, having seen the brothers and sisters doing duty perfunctorily and delaying the work, I should have fellowshipped to help them, pointed out their issues and pruned them, helping them to know their issues and rectify them promptly. However, to make everyone have a good opinion of me and maintain a good reputation, I hadn’t hesitated to violate God’s requirements to yield to them and condone them. I hadn’t considered the church’s work at all. How could doing my duty like this align with God’s intentions? Reflecting on my actions, it occurred to me that they had been truly disgusting!

I continued to read God’s words and had a deeper understanding of my behavior. Almighty God says: “You haven’t been pursuing the truth, instead you have been paying special attention to your own reputation, and at the root of this are the conditioning effects that come from your family. Which is the most dominant saying that you have been conditioned with? The saying, ‘A man leaves his name behind wherever he stays, just as a goose utters its cry wherever it flies,’ has taken deep root in your heart and become your motto. You have been influenced and conditioned by this saying since you were young, and even after growing up you often keep repeating this saying to influence the next generation of your family and the people around you. Of course, what is even more serious is that you have adopted it as your method and principle for conducting yourself and dealing with things, and even as the goal and direction that you pursue in life. Your goal and direction are wrong, and so the final outcome is certain to be negative. Because the essence of everything you do is solely for the sake of your reputation, and solely in order to put into practice the saying ‘A man leaves his name behind wherever he stays, just as a goose utters its cry wherever it flies.’ You are not pursuing the truth, and yet you yourself don’t know that. You think there is nothing wrong with this saying, because shouldn’t people live for the sake of their reputation? As the common saying goes, ‘A man leaves his name behind wherever he stays, just as a goose utters its cry wherever it flies.’ This saying seems very positive and legitimate, so you unconsciously accept its conditioning effect and regard it as a positive thing. Once you regard this saying as a positive thing, you are unknowingly pursuing it and putting it into practice. At the same time, you unknowingly and confusedly misconstrue it as the truth and as a criterion of the truth. When you regard it as a criterion of the truth, you no longer listen to what God says, nor can you understand it. You blindly put into practice this motto, ‘A man leaves his name behind wherever he stays, just as a goose utters its cry wherever it flies,’ and act in accordance with it, and what you ultimately get out of that is a good reputation. You have gained what you wanted to gain, but in doing so you have violated and abandoned the truth, and lost the chance to be saved. Given that this is the final outcome, you should let go of and abandon the idea that ‘A man leaves his name behind wherever he stays, just as a goose utters its cry wherever it flies,’ which your family conditioned into you. It is not something that you should hold onto, nor is it a saying or idea that you should spend a lifetime of effort and energy putting into practice. This idea and view that you are being inculcated and conditioned with is wrong, so you should let go of it. The reason why you should let go of it is not only because it is not the truth, but also because it will lead you astray and ultimately lead to your destruction, so the consequences are very serious. For you, it is not just a simple saying, but a cancer—a means and method that corrupts people. Because in God’s words, among all of His requirements for people, God has never asked people to pursue a good reputation, or to seek prestige, or to make a good impression on people, or to win people’s approval, or to get a thumbs-up from people, nor has He ever made people live for the sake of fame or in order to leave behind a good reputation. God only wants people to perform their duty well, and to submit to Him and the truth. Therefore, as far as you are concerned, this saying is a type of conditioning from your family that you should let go of” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (12)). Pondering upon God’s words, I was profoundly moved. The saying “A man leaves his name behind wherever he stays, just as a goose utters its cry wherever it flies” truly causes great harm to people. I reflected on how I had absorbed my mother’s teachings since childhood, which had resulted in me pursuing “A man leaves his name behind wherever he stays, just as a goose utters its cry wherever it flies.” In order to create a good reputation among people, even when faced with things I was clearly unwilling to do or should not do, I had stooped to compromise and done them. After starting my belief in God, I still upheld this saying as words of wisdom, always prioritizing my image in others’ hearts over my duties. When the sister pointed out my arrogant disposition and harsh tone, she intended to help me reflect on myself and cast off my corrupt disposition by practicing the truth. But instead of reflecting on myself, I covered myself up and pretended, misleading the brothers and sisters with my false outward appearance. When I noticed some brothers and sisters were irresponsible in doing their duty and delayed the church work, I did not point it out to them or help them, but kept coaxing them, acting as though I were loving and patient to receive high regard from the brothers and sisters. In reality, all my actions were superficial restraints and disguises, embodying hypocrisy. I was misleading the brothers and sisters and, more importantly, deceiving God. This reminded me of the Pharisees who outwardly appeared devout, humble, and loving. They intentionally prayed at intersections and taught the scriptures in temples every day to show their godliness and loyalty to God, so that everyone would support them. However, what they did was not following the words of God, but packaging themselves and deceiving and misleading others with the outward good behavior. I realized that my behavior was similar to that of the Pharisees. If I did not pursue a change in disposition and failed to practice the truth in my duties, no matter how well I disguised myself or how much admiration I received from others, my outcome would be like that of the Pharisees—cursed and punished by God. God showed me grace by giving me the opportunity to train as a leader, which was meant to help me do my duties well and maintain the church work. When I saw the issues with the brothers’ and sisters’ duties, I should point them out, fellowship with them to resolve those issues. This is my responsibility and God’s requirement of me. However, I was solely pursuing my own fame and gain, living without any integrity and dignity. I didn’t want to be fooled by Satan any longer. I must do my duty well.

Later, I read another passage of God’s words, which provided me with a path of practice. Almighty God says: “God’s chosen people should, at the very least, possess conscience and reason, and interact, associate, and work together with others according to the principles and standards that God requires of people. This is the best approach. This is able to satisfy God. So, what are the truth principles required by God? That people be understanding of others when they are weak and negative, being considerate of their pain and difficulties, and then inquire about these things, offer help and support, and read them God’s words to help them solve their problems, enabling them to understand God’s intentions and stop being weak, and bringing them before God. Isn’t this way of practicing in line with the principles? Practicing in this way is in line with the truth principles. Naturally, relationships of this kind are even more so in line with the truth principles. When people are deliberately causing disturbances and disruptions, or deliberately doing their duty in a perfunctory way, if you see this and are able to point these things out to them, reprimand them, and help them according to the principles, then this is in line with the truth principles. If you turn a blind eye, or condone their behavior and cover for them, and even go so far as to say nice things to praise and applaud them, these ways of interacting with people, dealing with issues, and handling problems, are clearly at odds with the truth principles, and have no basis in the words of God. So, these ways of interacting with people and dealing with issues are clearly improper, and this really is not easy to discover if they are not dissected and discerned according to God’s words” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (14)). From God’s words, I came to understand that God requires people to interact with each other according to truth principles. When seeing the brothers and sisters feeling negative, weak, or having shortcomings, we should fellowship to help them with love, so that they can understand God’s intentions, reflect on and know their issues, and make progress in life entry. If someone has a problematic attitude toward their duties, causing disruptions, disturbances, or delays in the work, we must expose and prune them according to principles. We cannot turn a blind eye to maintain our own pride and status. For instance, when the group leader frequently arrived late to gatherings and had an impact on church life, I should have pruned, exposed, and dissected her. In addition, when the brothers and sisters pointed out my problems, I should accept them, earnestly reflect on my arrogant disposition, and practice the truth to have my corruption cast off, rather than disguising myself to maintain a good image in their hearts. After understanding these principles of practice, I felt relaxed and relieved.

Later, when I went to another church to follow up on the gospel work, I learned that the gospel deacon was irresponsible and lacked a burden in her duty. She was even resistant when church leaders supervised and followed up on her work. Considering this situation, I should have pointed it out to help her, expose and prune her. However, I thought it was my first time attending the gathering there. How would everyone think of me if I exposed her problems on arrival? How could I cooperate with them in the future if they didn’t have a good impression of me when they first met me? When I had these thoughts, I realized I was once again concerned about my reputation and status. I remembered God’s words: “You should first think of the interests of God’s house, be considerate of God’s intentions, and consider the work of the church. Put these things first and foremost; only after that can you think about the stability of your status or how others regard you” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Disposition). Pondering on God’s words, I understood that no matter the circumstances, I must prioritize the interests of the church. The gospel deacon was irresponsible in her duty and slowed the progress of the gospel work. What’s more, she refused to accept supervision. If I didn’t point out her issues, it would delay the gospel work and there wouldn’t be any benefit to her own life entry. I couldn’t continue maintaining my image and status in others’ hearts any longer. Regardless of how the sister might regard me, I had to practice the truth and safeguard the interests of the church. I subsequently pointed out the issues in the sister’s duty, and fellowshipped the significance of leaders and workers supervising and following up on the work, the responsibilities of a gospel deacon, and how to fulfill duties responsibly. After my fellowship, the sister recognized that she had been perfunctory in doing her duty. She opened up about her state and expressed her willingness to turn herself around. Later, she became more proactive in her duty, and the gospel work began to make progress.

Through these experiences, I realize that it is crucial to practice the truth and do one’s duty according to principles. If I always safeguard my personal interests and maintain my pride and status in doing my duty, I not only cause harm to the church’s work, but also bring harm to the brothers and sisters and to myself. It is God’s words that have helped me come to this realization and transformation. Thank God!