By Yuchen, China

In March 2023, I was doing my duty as a preacher in the church. Because I gained some results in my duties, I started to feel that I had good work capabilities and good caliber. While doing my duties, I acted with an arrogant disposition without seeking the truth principles. This disrupted and disturbed the work, and I was dismissed. After being dismissed, I felt really negative, and I thought that I had disrupted and disturbed the church’s work, and I was certain that I no longer had a chance to be saved. I lived every day in torment. After reflecting for more than ten days, the church arranged for me to do text-based duties. I was terrified of being revealed and dismissed again, so I constantly kept myself alert, made sure to do my duties according to the principles and avoid acting out of my arrogant disposition.

Three months later, I was elected as a leader in the church. The upper leadership asked me how I felt about this, and while I knew that this duty came from God and that I couldn’t refuse, I felt very resistant. I thought to myself, “I really can’t be a church leader. A leader is responsible for the overall work, and must understand, urge on, and follow up on all aspects of the work, and as they have more responsibilities, they end up revealing more of their corruptions and are revealed more quickly. If I become a leader and then fall back into my old ways, and I disrupt and disturb the work again because of my arrogant disposition and am revealed and dismissed, then this would be a serious problem, and I might even be cleared out and eliminated. Then I wouldn’t have any chance to do my duties again, and how could I still be saved then?” After thinking it over, I felt that doing text-based duties was relatively safer, so I declined, saying, “I have health issues, and being a leader involves too many responsibilities. If I spend my days being that busy, my body won’t be able to handle it. You should find someone else.” In the end, the leaders asked me to think it over and reply later.

That evening after returning home, I came down with a fever and diarrhea, and I realized that God’s intentions were behind these things. I thought, “In all my years of believing in God, I have accepted and obeyed whatever duties the church has arranged for me, and although I have health issues, they don’t affect my ability to do my duties. Why then was I unwilling to submit this time when they elected me as a leader?” So I prayed and sought from God. After praying, I quickly looked for relevant words from God to read. Almighty God says: “Family exerts another kind of conditioning effect. For example, your family members always tell you: ‘Don’t be someone who stands out too much from the crowd, you must rein yourself in and exercise a little restraint in your words and actions, as well as in your personal talents, abilities, IQ, and so on. Don’t be that person who stands out. It’s like the sayings go, “The bird that sticks its neck out is the one that gets shot,” and “The rafter that sticks out is the first to rot.” If you want to protect yourself, and have a long-term and stable place in the group you belong to, don’t be the bird that sticks its neck out, you should rein yourself in and not aspire to rise above everyone. Think about the lightning rod, which is the first thing to be struck in a storm, because lightning strikes the highest point; and when the wind is blowing a gale, the tallest tree is the first to take its brunt and get blown over; and when the weather is cold, the tallest mountain is the first to freeze over. It’s the same with people—if you always stick out among others and draw attention, and the Party notices you, it will seriously consider punishing you. Don’t be the bird that sticks its neck out, don’t fly solo. You should stay inside the flock. Otherwise, if any social protest movement formed around you, you would be the one who gets punished first, because you are the bird that sticks out. Don’t be a leader or a group head in the church. Otherwise, in the event of any work-related losses or problems in God’s house, as the leader or supervisor, you will be the first to be singled out. So, don’t be the bird that sticks its neck out, because the bird that sticks its neck out is the one that gets shot. You must learn to tuck in your head and cower like a tortoise.’ You remember these words from your parents, and when the time comes to choose a leader, you decline the position, saying, ‘Oh, I cannot do it! I have a family and children, I’m too tied up with them. I can’t be a leader. You guys should do it, don’t choose me.’ Supposing you are elected as leader anyway, you are still reluctant to do it. ‘I’m afraid I must resign,’ you say. ‘You guys be the leader, I’m giving you all the opportunity. I’m letting you take the position, I’m stepping aside.’ You ponder in your heart, ‘Huh! The bird that sticks its neck out is the one that gets shot. The higher you climb, the harder you fall, and it’s lonely at the top. I’ll let you be the leader, and after you get chosen, a day will come when you will make a spectacle of yourself. I never want to be a leader, I don’t want to climb the ladder, which means that I won’t fall from a great height. Think about it, wasn’t so-and-so dismissed as leader? After being dismissed he was expelled—he didn’t even get the chance to be an ordinary believer. It’s a perfect example of those sayings “The bird that sticks its neck out is the one that gets shot” and “The rafter that sticks out is the first to rot.” Am I not right? Was he not punished? People must learn to protect themselves, otherwise what do people have brains for? If you have a brain in your head, you must use it to protect yourself. Some people can’t see this issue clearly, but that’s how it is in society and in any group of people—“The bird that sticks its neck out is the one that gets shot.” You’ll be very well-regarded while you are sticking your neck out, right up until the moment you get shot. Then you’ll realize that people who put themselves in the firing line get their comeuppance sooner or later.’ These are the earnest teachings of your parents and family, and also the voice of experience, the distilled wisdom of their lifetime, which they whisper into your ear without reservation” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (12)). From God’s words, I saw that people live by philosophies instilled by Satan such as, “The bird that sticks its neck out is the one that gets shot,” “The rafter that sticks out is the first to rot,” “The higher you climb, the harder you fall,” and “It’s lonely at the top.” They believe that a person shouldn’t stick out in a crowd or act boldly, and that this is a means by which a person could protect themselves. I was living by these viewpoints, and believed that being a leader and taking on more responsibilities, I’d reveal more corruption, and that the higher I climbed, the harder I’d fall. With this in mind, I wanted to protect myself and just be an ordinary believer, thinking of this as the safest option. Also, since I’d been dismissed once before, if I were dismissed again, I might not even be left with the chance to be an ordinary believer. Because of these foolish and absurd views, when I was elected as a leader, my first thought was that if I didn’t do this duty well, I might be revealed and eliminated, which would mean I wouldn’t be able to be saved and would be left with no good outcome or destination. So I found excuses to decline. I thought about how nonbelievers operate on the principle of saying less and sticking out less to live a stable life, and to protect themselves and gain a foothold in the group, and I realized that my viewpoint was the same as that of nonbelievers. When faced with a duty, I judged it according to these satanic philosophies, living in misunderstanding and guardedness against God while refusing that duty. I’d been truly selfish and deceitful!

In my seeking, I read that God’s words say: “Some people think, ‘Anyone who leads is foolish and ignorant and is bringing about their own destruction, because acting as a leader inevitably makes people reveal corruption for God to see. Would there be so much corruption revealed if they didn’t do this work?’ What an absurd idea! If you don’t act as a leader, will you not reveal corruption? Does not being a leader, even if you show less corruption, mean that you have attained salvation? According to this argument, are all those who do not serve as leaders the ones who can survive and be saved? Isn’t this statement too ridiculous? People who serve as leaders guide God’s chosen people to eat and drink the word of God and to experience God’s work. This requirement and standard is high, so it is inevitable that leaders will reveal some corrupt states when they first begin training. This is normal, and God does not condemn it. God not only does not condemn it, but He also enlightens, illuminates, and guides these people, and places extra burdens on them. As long as they can submit to God’s guidance and work, they will progress faster in life than ordinary people. If they are people who pursue the truth, they can embark on the path of being made perfect by God. This is the thing that is most blessed by God. Some people can’t see this, and they distort the facts. According to human understanding, no matter how much a leader changes, God will not care; He will only look at how much corruption leaders and workers reveal, and only condemn them based on this. And for those who are not leaders and workers, because they reveal little corruption, even if they do not change, God will not condemn them. Isn’t this absurd? Isn’t it blasphemy against God? If you resist God so seriously in your heart, can you be saved? You cannot be saved. God determines people’s outcomes mainly based on whether they have the truth and true testimony, and it mainly depends on whether they are people who pursue the truth. If they do pursue the truth, and they can truly repent after they are judged and chastised for committing a transgression, then as long as they do not say words or do things that blaspheme God, they will surely be capable of attaining salvation. According to your imaginings, all ordinary believers who follow God to the end can achieve salvation, and those who serve as leaders must all be eliminated. If you were asked to be a leader, you’d think that it would not be okay not to do it, but that if you were to serve as a leader, you would involuntarily reveal corruption, and that would be just like sending yourself to the guillotine. Isn’t this all caused by your misunderstandings about God? If people’s outcomes were determined based on the corruption that they reveal, no one could be saved. In that case, what would be the point of God doing the work of salvation? If this truly were the case, where would the righteousness of God be? Mankind would be unable to see God’s righteous disposition. Therefore, you have all misunderstood God’s intentions, which shows that you do not have true knowledge of God” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). “At times, God uses a certain matter to reveal you or discipline you. Does this then mean that you have been eliminated? Does it mean your end has come? No. … In fact, in many cases, people’s concern stems from their own self-interest. Speaking generally, it is the fear that they will have no outcome. They’re always thinking, ‘What if God reveals me, eliminates me, and rejects me?’ This is your misinterpretation of God; these are only your one-sided conjectures. You have to figure out what God’s intention is. When He reveals people, it is not for the sake of eliminating them. People are revealed in order to expose their shortcomings, mistakes, and their nature essences, to make them know themselves and become capable of true repentance; for this reason, revealing people is in order to help their lives to grow. Without a pure understanding, people are apt to misinterpret God and become negative and weak. They may even give in to despair. In fact, being revealed by God doesn’t necessarily mean that you will be eliminated. It is to help you get to know your own corruption, and to make you repent. Oftentimes, because people are rebellious, and do not seek to find resolution in the truth when they reveal corruption, God must exercise discipline. And so, sometimes, He reveals people, exposing their ugliness and pitifulness, getting them to know themselves, which helps their life to grow” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Practicing the Truth and Submitting to God Can One Achieve a Change in Disposition). From God’s words, I understood that as leaders and workers, regardless of how many corrupt dispositions they reveal or what past transgressions they have committed, as long as they pursue the truth and can reflect on and know themselves and attain genuine repentance and change, they can achieve salvation. For those who aren’t leaders, even if the corruption that comes to be revealed in them is minimal, if they don’t pursue the truth or have any true understanding of themselves, then ultimately their disposition won’t change, and it will still not be possible for them to be saved. In fact, whether we are saved or eliminated has nothing to do with what duties we do or whether our status is high or low. The key lies in our personal pursuit, that is whether we pursue the truth and love the truth. God’s house doesn’t eliminate people based on momentary actions or behavior, but instead decides these things based on a person’s consistent behavior and their nature essence. Just like those evil people and antichrists who are cleared out or expelled, they are averse to and hate the truth, and they often violate the truth principles in their duties and commit many evils. They refuse to repent despite numerous rounds of fellowship, and that’s why God’s house clears them out and eliminates them. My previous dismissal was due to my profoundly arrogant disposition, my failure to follow principles in my duties and my disrupting and disturbing the church’s work. However, my dismissal wasn’t meant to eliminate me, but rather to allow me to reflect on myself and genuinely repent through that experience, and after I gained some understanding of myself, the church arranged for me to do text-based duties. I realized that God revealing me in this was meant to change and purify me, not eliminate me. When I faced situations without seeking the truth, I failed to understand God’s attitude toward people and His painstaking considerations. I absurdly thought that since I had been dismissed once, if I made another mistake, I would be cleared out and eliminated. Was I not misunderstanding God’s intentions?

Later, I read more of God’s words and gained some understanding of my nature essence. God says: “Antichrists do not believe that the words of God are the truth, and they do not believe that His disposition is righteous and holy. They regard all this through human notions and imaginings, and they approach the work of God with human perspectives, human thoughts, and human guile, employing the logic and thinking of Satan to delineate God’s disposition, identity, and essence. Obviously, not only do antichrists neither accept nor acknowledge God’s disposition, identity, and essence; on the contrary they are full of notions, opposition, and rebelliousness toward God and have not the least shred of real knowledge of Him. Antichrists’ definition of God’s work, God’s disposition, and God’s love is a question mark—dubiousness, and they are full of skepticism and full of denial and slander for it; so what, then, of His identity? God’s disposition represents His identity; with such a regard of God’s disposition as theirs, their regard of God’s identity is self-evident—direct denial. This is the essence of antichrists” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Ten: They Despise the Truth, Brazenly Flout Principles, and Ignore the Arrangements of God’s House (Part Six)). “I take pleasure in those who are not suspicious of others, and I like those who readily accept the truth; toward these two kinds of people I show great care, for in My eyes they are honest people. If you are deceitful, then you will be guarded and suspicious toward all people and matters, and thus your faith in Me will be built upon a foundation of suspicion. I could never acknowledge such faith. Lacking true faith, you are even more devoid of true love. And if you are liable to doubt God and speculate about Him at will, then you are, without question, the most deceitful of all people” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. How to Know the God on Earth). From God’s words, I saw that antichrists doubt and deny God’s identity and essence. They don’t believe that God’s words are the truth, nor do they believe in His righteous and holy disposition. Instead, they study God’s work through human viewpoints and reasoning, and they are filled with notions, suspicion, denial, and doubts toward God. I saw that my behavior had been the same as that of an antichrist. I had always suspected God. After I was dismissed as a preacher, I didn’t seek to understand the ways in which I had resisted and rebelled against God, nor did I reflect on how I had disrupted and disturbed the church’s work. I had no understanding of God’s righteous disposition at all, and instead viewed God as if He were like a ruler, thinking that once a person makes a transgression, He wouldn’t give them a chance to repent, and that He would clear them out and eliminate them. I thought about how in facing this dismissal, God’s intentions were to prompt me to reflect on and know myself and learn a lesson. My being chosen as a leader was God giving me another opportunity to train, and it was also His grace and elevation. But instead of being grateful for God’s love and salvation, I suspected God, engaged in deceit against Him, and refused my duty, treating this opportunity to do my duty and obtain truth as some ploy to reveal and eliminate me. Was I not calling black white and distorting the facts? I truly had no humanity! If I continued to live by satanic fallacies like “It’s lonely at the top,” and “The higher you climb, the harder you fall,” and neglected to seek the truth principles in my duties and remained constantly guarded against and misunderstanding God, I would just end up being detested by God and revealed and eliminated by Him. I prayed a prayer of repentance to God: “Oh God, I have been so deceitful and wicked, always suspicious of and guarded against You. Yet You still use Your words to enlighten and guide me to understand Your intentions. I am truly unworthy of Your salvation! Oh God, I am willing to repent and submit to Your orchestrations and arrangements, and to no longer rebel against You and wound Your heart.”

After this, I read more of God’s words, and I gained a path of practice. Almighty God says: “Actually, for most people, regardless of what corrupt dispositions they reveal while performing their duties, as long as they seek the truth to resolve them, they can gradually reduce the number of revelations of corruption, and ultimately perform their duties adequately. This is the process of experiencing God’s work. As soon as you reveal a corrupt disposition, you should seek the truth to resolve it, and discern and dissect your satanic disposition. This is the process of battling against your satanic disposition, and it is essential for your life experience. While experiencing God’s work and changing your disposition, you use the truths that you understand to compete against your satanic disposition, ultimately resolving your corrupt dispositions and triumphing over Satan, thus achieving a change in disposition. The process of changing one’s disposition is seeking and accepting the truth in order to supplant the human notions and imaginings, and the words and doctrines, and to supplant the philosophies for worldly dealings and various heresies and fallacies that come from Satan, gradually replacing these things with the truth and God’s word. This is the process of gaining the truth and of changing one’s disposition. If you want to know how much your disposition has changed, you need to see clearly how many truths you understand, how many truths you have put into practice, and how many truths you are able to live out. You must see clearly how many of your corrupt dispositions have been replaced with the truths that you have understood and gained, and to what extent they are able to control the corrupt dispositions within you, that is, to what extent the truths you understand are able to guide your thoughts and intentions, and your daily life and practice. You ought to see clearly whether, when things befall you, it is your corrupt dispositions that have the upper hand, or whether it is the truths that you understand that prevail and guide you. This is the standard by which your stature and life entry are measured” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). “Right now, just strive for the truth, focus on life entry, and pursue the good performance of your duty. There is no mistake in this! No matter how God handles you in the end, it is guaranteed to be righteous; you should not doubt this, and you do not need to worry. … If you unconsciously become dissolute on occasion, and God points it out to you and prunes you, and you change for the better, God will not hold it against you. This is the normal process of a disposition transforming, and the true significance of the work of salvation is manifest in this process. This is the key” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). From God’s words, I came to understand His intentions. God’s work is to change and cleanse our corrupt dispositions. Because we have been deeply corrupted by Satan, we continually reveal corruption in our duties. Therefore, we must consciously seek the truth to resolve this, have genuine repentance, and gradually progress in our life entry. Only by doing this can we ultimately attain salvation. In reality, the biggest obstacle to salvation is one’s own corrupt disposition, which has nothing to do with what duties one does. Even if I didn’t do the duty of a leader, if my corrupt disposition weren’t resolved, I would still end up being revealed and eliminated. As a created being, I had to accept and submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements, and I had to give my all in my duties and not misunderstand or be guarded against God any longer! Having understood God’s intentions, I was no longer afraid of being revealed or eliminated as a leader, so I wrote to the upper leadership to accept this duty.

Through this experience, I have gained some understanding of my deceitful disposition of suspecting and being guarded against God, and I have also gained some insight into my fallacious viewpoints. I realized that when God reveals people, it isn’t to eliminate them, but rather to purify and save them, regardless of how He acts. Thank God!