By Zhizhuo, China

I grew up in the countryside, and life at home was very difficult. I envied the lives of city people and felt that only by studying hard, getting into university, and securing a stable job could I escape the life of working in the fields from dawn till dusk. While I was in school, I devoted myself to studying. Even when others were resting, I continued to study. On weekends, I didn’t go home because I feared that returning home would impact my studies. But things did not go as I wished. No matter how hard I studied, my grades still did not improve significantly. I repeated the school year twice but still did not get into university. And as a result, I developed severe insomnia. After failing the college entrance exam, I felt very ashamed, and did not leave the house for over six months. After getting married, my husband and I started a business at home. Even though we worked from dawn till dusk every day, we couldn’t make much money. After our son was born, seeing how smart and cute he was, I thought, “Since my own desires haven’t been fulfilled, I must make sure my child can study hard and get into university in the future, find a respectable job and stand out from the crowd. This way, we can escape from a life of poverty, and it will make me look good too. When I was a child, because I had many sisters, my parents didn’t have time to supervise our studies, which led to my poor academic foundation. I need to focus on my child’s education from an early age and make sure his foundation is solid.” So, whenever I saw a book that could improve his grades, I would buy it for him. Sometimes when my child came home from school and wanted to play for a bit, I would say to him, “If you don’t study hard now, you’ll end up doing hard labor in the future, and others will look down on you—just like us. How tiring that would be! For whom am I working so hard every day? Isn’t it all for you? And yet, you still don’t make an effort!” Left with no choice, my child would reluctantly go and do his homework. Even after he finished, I wouldn’t let him go out to play; instead, I would assign him more homework. I believed that “If you read a book a hundred times, its meaning will become self-evident.” So every morning, I made him get up half an hour earlier to memorize his lessons. When he didn’t want to study and threw a tantrum, I would yell at him and lecture him. Every day, I was like a tightly wound spring, never daring to relax. Whenever my child disobeyed even slightly, I would nag him, “Why don’t you listen! I’m working myself to the bone every day, watching over your studies, doing your laundry and cooking your meals when you go to school, and still having to work to earn money to buy you good food. For whom am I doing all this? Isn’t it all for you to have a bright future? If you don’t listen to me and don’t study hard, you’ll regret it later!” I was afraid that if he started playing, he wouldn’t be able to get his mind back on track, so I didn’t let him go out to play. Sometimes, even when I took him out, it was just to visit the bookstore. I followed him closely, never leaving his side, urging him to study, and it continued the same way even after he entered middle school.

When my child was in middle school, his English grades were poor, so I thought I had to learn it first—how else could I teach him? I believed that only if his grades in all subjects were good would he have a higher chance of getting into university. And only by getting into university could he have the chance to change his fate. If he could stand out, it would also bring honor to us as parents. Even though I had many things to attend to, which made learning tough, I still put in the effort, and after mastering it, I would tutor him until he understood. Seeing how distressed he looked every day, unwilling to talk, without a smile, with a hunched back at such a young age, lacking energy, it pained me deeply. But for the sake of his bright future, I felt I had no choice but to keep pushing him like this. In the end, my child only got into a second-tier university. I felt that attending a second-tier university wouldn’t offer much of a future, so I had him repeat his studies at a key high school in the city. Finally, after all my hard work, he was admitted to an ideal university. I was very pleased and proud, and felt like I walked differently than before. I thought that as long as my child graduated from university and secured a stable job, he would be able to lead a happy and comfortable life, and I would also enjoy the benefits in my old age. But what I didn’t expect was that my child couldn’t obtain the graduation certificate because he failed the CET-4 (College English Test Band 4) exam. We tried everything, pulling strings and seeking connections, but to no avail. I thought to myself, “It’s all over now; there’s no more hope for me to stand up above the rest. All my years of effort have come to nothing, and all my hopes are completely shattered!” I felt like my world had come crashing down. After that, all I did with my child was criticize and complain, showing disappointment in him for not studying hard enough and failing to meet my expectations. He was so tired of my nagging that he didn’t even want to come home. Because my son did not have a university diploma, he couldn’t find a job. When I went out, I dreaded running into acquaintances who might ask, “Where is your child working? How is he progressing?” If others found out that my child went to university but didn’t have a diploma, wouldn’t they think it was the same as not having gone to university at all? Wouldn’t they laugh at me? As a result, I was distressed every day.

In December 2021, I accepted the salvation of Almighty God in the last days. I shared my suffering with a sister, and she found a passage of God’s words for me: “No matter how dissatisfied one is with one’s birth, maturation, or marriage, everyone who has gone through these things knows that one cannot choose where and when they were born, what they look like, who their parents are, and who their spouse is, but must simply accept the will of Heaven. Yet when it comes time for people to raise the next generation, they will project all the desires they failed to realize in the first half of their lives onto their descendants, hoping that their offspring will make up for all the disappointments of the first half of their own lives. So people indulge in all kinds of fantasies about their children: that their daughters will grow up to be stunning beauties, their sons dashing gentlemen; that their daughters will be cultured and talented and their sons brilliant students and star athletes; that their daughters will be gentle, virtuous, and sensible, and their sons intelligent, capable, and sensitive. They hope that their offspring, whether they be daughters or sons, will respect their elders, be considerate of their parents, be loved and praised by everyone…. At this point, hopes for life spring afresh, and new passions are kindled in people’s hearts. People know that they are powerless and hopeless in this life, that they will not have another chance or another hope to stand out from the crowd, and that they have no choice but to accept their fates. And so they project all their hopes, their unrealized desires and ideals, onto the next generation, hoping that their offspring can help them achieve their dreams and realize their desires; that their daughters and sons will bring glory to the family name, become important, rich, or famous. In short, they want to see their children’s fortunes soar. People’s plans and fantasies are perfect; do they not know that the number of children they have, their children’s appearance, abilities, and so forth, are not for them to decide, that not a bit of their children’s fates is in their hands? Humans are not the masters of their own fate, yet they hope to change the fates of the younger generation; they are powerless to escape their own fates, yet they try to control those of their sons and daughters. Are they not overestimating themselves? Is this not human foolishness and ignorance?” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique III). After reading God’s words, I was deeply moved. God controls people’s fates. No matter what methods people use, or how much of a price they pay, they cannot escape God’s arrangements for their fates. Thinking back to when I was young, I had been dissatisfied with my family life. I had wanted to change my fate through knowledge. When my own aspirations were shattered, I had projected my hopes onto my son, wishing that he could fulfill my desires for success. To achieve my goals, I had tightly controlled my son, planning how he should study during each time slot. Even on weekends, I wouldn’t let him go out to play; if he did go out, it could only be to a bookstore. I had monitored him closely, and when he didn’t study hard, I had either hit or scolded him, fearing that if he didn’t do well, he wouldn’t get into a good university, and I wouldn’t look good. I had imposed all my own expectations on him, which had caused him to live a very repressed life, significantly harming his physical and mental well-being, and I had lived in great suffering and exhaustion as well. From God’s words, I came to understand that God rules over human fate, and no matter how hard people try, they cannot change it. Yet I had always wanted to break free from God’s sovereignty, to change my own and my child’s fates through knowledge and to achieve the goal of rising above the rest. Although I had paid a great price, in the end, things had turned out contrary to my wishes. I couldn’t even control my own fate, yet I had wanted to change my child’s—how arrogant, conceited, self-overestimating, foolish and ignorant I had been! I remembered I once had a neighbor who, despite having little education, had become a boss and earned a lot of money. My nephew also had limited education, but had managed to make a lot of money running his own electronics business, and lived more affluently than many who had diplomas and knowledge. There was also a younger brother from my hometown who, although he had gotten into university, had developed depression after graduation. He had become unwilling to speak to others and had ended up with no job at all. Previously, I hadn’t understood God’s sovereignty, and had always tried to break free, harming both myself and my son. Now I realized I had been wrong, so I prayed to God, “God, I am willing to entrust my son into Your hands. No matter what happens in the future, I am willing to submit to Your sovereignty and arrangements.” From that point on, I no longer scolded my son or showed him a long face. He also stopped avoiding me as he did before. Later, when I ran into a friend on the street and she asked about my son’s job, I still felt upset. I didn’t dare to tell the truth, worrying about how she would view me and feeling so embarrassed.

Later, I pondered, “I’d felt that I could let go of my son’s situation, but why do I still feel upset when others bring it up?” I read these words of God: “During the process of man’s learning of knowledge, Satan employs all manner of methods, whether it be telling stories, simply giving them some individual piece of knowledge, or allowing them to satisfy their desires or ambitions. What road does Satan want to lead you down? People think there is nothing wrong with learning knowledge, that it is entirely natural. To put it in a way that sounds appealing, to foster lofty ideals or to have ambitions is to have drive, and this should be the right path in life. Is it not a more glorious way for people to live if they can realize their own ideals, or successfully establish a career? By doing these things, one can not only honor one’s ancestors but also has the chance to leave one’s mark on history—is this not a good thing? This is a good thing in the eyes of worldly people, and to them it should be proper and positive. Does Satan, however, with its sinister motives, take people on to this kind of road and that’s all there is to it? Of course not. In fact, no matter how lofty man’s ideals are, no matter how realistic man’s desires are or how proper they may be, all that man wants to achieve, all that man seeks for, is inextricably linked to two words. These two words are vitally important to the life of every person, and they are things Satan intends to instill in man. What are these two words? They are ‘fame’ and ‘gain.’ Satan uses a very mild kind of method, a method very much in concert with people’s notions, which is not at all radical, through which it causes people to unknowingly accept its way of living, its rules to live by, and to establish life goals and their direction in life, and unknowingly they also come to have ambitions in life. No matter how grand these life ambitions may seem, they are inextricably linked to ‘fame’ and ‘gain.’ Everything that any great or famous person—all people, in fact—follow in life relates only to these two words: ‘fame’ and ‘gain.’ People think that once they have fame and gain, they can then capitalize on those things to enjoy high status and great wealth, and to enjoy life. They think fame and gain are a kind of capital that they can use to obtain a life of pleasure-seeking and wanton enjoyment of the flesh. For the sake of this fame and gain which mankind so covets, people willingly, albeit unknowingly, hand over their bodies, minds, all that they have, their futures and their destinies, to Satan. They do so genuinely and without even a moment’s hesitation, ever ignorant of the need to recover all that they have handed over. Can people retain any control over themselves once they have taken refuge in Satan in this way and become loyal to it? Certainly not. They are completely and utterly controlled by Satan. They have completely and utterly sunk into a quagmire, and are unable to free themselves. Once someone is mired in fame and gain, they no longer seek that which is bright, that which is just, or those things that are beautiful and good. This is because the seductive power that fame and gain have over people is too great; they become things for people to pursue throughout their lives and even for all eternity without end. Is this not true?” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VI). “Satan uses fame and gain to control man’s thoughts, until all people can think of is fame and gain. They struggle for fame and gain, suffer hardships for fame and gain, endure humiliation for fame and gain, sacrifice everything they have for fame and gain, and they will make any judgment or decision for the sake of fame and gain. In this way, Satan binds people with invisible shackles, and they have neither the strength nor the courage to throw them off. They unknowingly bear these shackles and trudge ever onward with great difficulty. For the sake of this fame and gain, mankind shuns God and betrays Him and becomes increasingly wicked. In this way, therefore, one generation after another is destroyed in the midst of Satan’s fame and gain” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VI). From God’s words, I understood that Satan corrupts people through fame and gain, leading them to pursue only these things and to believe that as long as they have fame and gain, they have everything and their life will be happy. I had held this viewpoint, living by Satan’s laws of survival like “Knowledge can change your fate,” “Man can create a pleasant homeland with his own hands,” and “Other pursuits are small, books excel them all.” Thinking back to my childhood, my family was poor and people had looked down on us. When I had seen my older cousin driving a car back from the city, and that everyone in the village had admired her, I’d felt particularly envious. I had thought to myself that I must live a life like my cousin’s in the future and gain people’s admiration. In order to pursue fame and gain, I had devoted all my time to studying, even sacrificing rest, which had eventually led to severe insomnia. I would lie awake night after night and could only rely on sleeping pills. I barely hung on each day, feeling that life was worse than death. Yet, in the end, I still hadn’t gotten into university or achieved the life I’d wanted. Even so, I had failed to wake up to reality, and in order to achieve fame and gain, I had projected my unfulfilled aspirations onto my child. It had been very normal for my child to want to play for a while when he was young, but in order to fulfill my own desires, I had controlled his life, making him do nothing but study every day, and beating or scolding him when he didn’t study well. My once lively and cheerful child had become gloomy all the time, had lost the joy of childhood, and had developed a severe stoop and serious hair loss at a young age. Due to my control, my child had become distant from me. When my child couldn’t get a university diploma and I didn’t achieve my goals of getting fame and gain, I’d felt like my world had come crashing down. I’d been unwilling to see anyone, feeling too ashamed to hold my head up, and I had moaned at my child, criticizing him for not living up to my expectations. I had lived in great anguish. These were the bitter fruits brought about by my pursuit of fame and gain. I remembered a boy from my sister’s village, whose family was also very poor. In order to change his fate through knowledge, he had repeated his studies for several years, but had still failed to get into university. In the end, he had developed depression. This is the result of Satan using fame and gain to corrupt people. I reflected on how I had lived my life according to Satan’s philosophy, treating fame and gain as my goals to pursue in life. By desperately expending myself for these goals, I had ended up harming both my child and myself. I no longer wished to suffer from Satan’s harm and was willing to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements.

Afterward, I read these words of God: “First of all, are these requirements and approaches that parents have regarding their children right or wrong? (They are wrong.) So, ultimately, where does the main culprit stem from when it comes to these approaches that parents use on their children? Isn’t it the parents’ expectations for their children? (Yes.) Within the subjective consciousness of parents, they envisage, plan, and determine various things about their children’s futures, and as a result, they produce these expectations. Under the instigation of these expectations, parents demand that their children study various skills, that they study theatre and dance, or art, and so on. They demand that their children become talented individuals, and that they are thereafter superiors, and not subordinates. They demand that their children become high-ranking officials, and not foot soldiers; they demand that their children become managers, CEOs, and executives, working for the top global 500 companies, and so on. These are all the subjective ideas of parents. Now do children have any concept of the content of their parents’ expectations before they reach adulthood? (No.) They do not have any concept of these things at all, they do not understand them. What do little children understand? They only understand going to school to learn to read, studying hard, and being good, well-behaved children. This itself is quite good. Going to school to attend classes according to their prescribed schedules, and going home to finish their homework—these are the things that children understand, the rest is just playing, food, fantasies, dreams, and so on. Before they reach adulthood, children have no concept at all of the unknown things on their life paths, and they do not envision anything about them either. All of the things that are envisioned or determined about the time after these children reach adulthood come from their parents. Therefore, the erroneous expectations that parents have for their children have nothing to do with their children. Children only need to discern the essence of their parents’ expectations. What are these parental expectations based upon? Where do they come from? They come from society and the world. The point of all these parental expectations is to enable children to adapt to this world and society, to avoid being eliminated by the world or by society, and to establish themselves in society, to get a secure job, a stable family, and a stable future, so parents have various subjective expectations for their offspring. For example, right now it is quite fashionable to be a computer engineer. Some people say: ‘My child is going to be a computer engineer in the future. They can earn a lot of money in this field, carrying around a computer all day, doing computer engineering. This will make me look good too!’ In these circumstances, where children have no concept of anything at all, their parents lay down their futures. Isn’t this wrong? (It is.) Their parents are pinning hopes on their children entirely on the basis of an adult’s way of looking at things, as well as an adult’s views, perspectives, and preferences about matters of the world. Isn’t this subjective? (Yes.) If you were to put it nicely, you could say that it is subjective, but what is it really? What is another interpretation of this subjectivity? Is it not selfishness? Isn’t it coercion? (It is.) You like this or that job and such-and-such career, you enjoy being established, living a glamorous life, serving as an official, or being wealthy in society, so you make your children do those things too, be that kind of person too, and walk that kind of path—but will they enjoy living in that environment and engaging in that work in the future? Are they suited to it? What are their destinies? What are God’s arrangements and rulings regarding them? Do you know these things? Some people say: ‘I don’t care about those things, what matters are the things that I, as their parent, like. I’ll pin hopes on them based on my own preferences.’ Isn’t that so selfish? (It is.) It is so selfish! To put it nicely, it’s very subjective, it’s calling all of the shots themselves, but what is it, in reality? It is very selfish! These parents don’t consider their children’s caliber or talents, they don’t care about the arrangements that God has for each person’s destiny and life. They don’t consider these things, they just force their own preferences, intentions, and plans onto their children through wishful thinking” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (18)). After reading God’s words, I realized that while my child had no concept of anything, I wishfully imposed various demands on him to achieve my own goals. I placed great hopes on him, hoping that he could establish himself in society, secure a stable job in the future, and not be eliminated by this society, which would also fulfill my own desires. I wanted to go to university and get a good job after graduation to gain people’s admiration, but since my own desires were not fulfilled, I tried to have my son achieve them for me. When my son was choosing a major for university, I didn’t ask his opinion. Instead, based on my idea, I selected a major for him that would lead to higher earnings after graduation. However, I didn’t anticipate that this major required a minimum of a Level 4 in English. My son’s language skills were poor, and he consistently failed the Level 4 English exam, ultimately failing to obtain his diploma. Because my son did not meet my expectations, I complained about him and criticized him, causing him great pain. I never considered whether my demands were achievable for him, if he could handle them, or what he actually liked or was good at. I was always wishfully imposing my own preferences, plans, and desires onto him. Everything I did seemed to be for his benefit, so he could have a good job and establish himself in society after graduation, but in essence, it was to satisfy my own overreaching desire of being regarded highly by others. It was clear that I was very selfish!

Later, I read another passage of God’s words and found a way to practice. Almighty God says: “Through dissecting the essence of parents’ expectations for their children, we can see that these expectations are selfish, that they go against humanity, and that they furthermore have nothing to do with the responsibilities of parents. When parents impose various expectations and requirements on their children, they are not fulfilling their responsibilities. So, what are their ‘responsibilities’? The most basic responsibilities that parents ought to fulfill are teaching their children to speak, instructing them to be kindhearted and to not be bad people, and guiding them in a positive direction. These are their most basic responsibilities. In addition, they should assist their children in studying any kinds of knowledge, talents, and so on, that suit them, based on their ages, how much they can handle, and their caliber and interests. Slightly better parents will help their children understand that people are created by God and that God exists in this universe, leading their children to pray and read God’s words, telling them some stories from the Bible, and hoping that they will follow God and perform the duty of a created being after they grow up, rather than chasing worldly trends, getting trapped within various complicated interpersonal relationships, and being devastated by the various trends of this world and society. The responsibilities that parents ought to fulfill have nothing to do with their expectations. The responsibilities they should fulfill in their role as parents are to provide their children with positive guidance and appropriate assistance before they reach adulthood, as well as to promptly care for them in their fleshly lives with regard to food, clothing, housing, or at times when they fall ill. If their children become sick, parents should treat whatever illness needs to be treated; they should not neglect their children or tell them, ‘Keep going to school, keep studying—you can’t fall behind in your classes. If you fall too far behind, you won’t be able to catch up.’ When their children need to rest, parents should let them rest; when their children are sick, parents must help them to recuperate. These are the responsibilities of parents. In one respect, they must care for the physical health of their children; in another respect, they must assist, educate, and aid their children in terms of their mental health. These are the responsibilities that parents ought to fulfill, rather than imposing any unrealistic expectations or requirements on their children. Parents must fulfill their responsibilities when it comes to both their children’s mental needs and the things that their children need in their physical lives. Parents shouldn’t let their children freeze in the winter, they should teach them some general life knowledge, like under what circumstances they’ll catch a cold, that they should eat warm foods, that their stomachs will hurt if they eat cold foods, and that they shouldn’t casually expose themselves to the wind or undress in draughty places when the weather is cold, helping them learn to take care of their own health. In addition, when some childish, immature ideas about their futures, or some extreme thoughts arise in their children’s young minds, parents must promptly provide them with correct guidance as soon as they discover this, rather than forcibly suppressing them; they should get their children to express and vent their ideas, so that the problem can truly be resolved. This is fulfilling their responsibilities. Fulfilling the responsibilities of a parent means, in one respect, caring for their children, and in another respect, counseling and correcting their children, and giving them guidance regarding the correct thoughts and views. The responsibilities that parents should fulfill actually have nothing to do with their expectations for their offspring” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (18)). After reading God’s words, I learned how to treat our children. As parents, we should not impose our own expectations and demands on our children. Parents’ responsibility is to provide positive guidance and assistance based on children’s calibers, needs, and the actual situations at each age stage. When children are young, we need to teach them how to speak and also take good care of their health. As they grow older, we should guide them not to engage in bad behavior, not to follow the evil trends of the world, and not to have extreme ideas. We should correctly counsel them so they can grow up happily. We should let them understand God’s creation and sovereignty, guide them to pray to God and rely on Him when things happen, and lead them to read God’s words. After understanding these things, I no longer criticized or complained about my son, and he was willing to speak some heartfelt words with me. Although he is not living in wealth at the moment, he has a smile on his face that he didn’t have before. I also feel a sense of release in my heart from practicing according to God’s words. This kind of happiness cannot be bought with money.