By Jiexin, China

During the 2023 church election, I heard that some brothers and sisters wanted to vote for me, but in my heart, I didn’t want to be a leader. I recalled that some time ago, a leader arranged for some brothers and sisters to transfer offerings, but due to choosing the wrong people, the offerings were seized by the great red dragon, and several brothers and sisters were arrested. The church was investigating the specific reasons. Although this leader has not been dismissed, it is still a great transgression. I also thought about a sister I knew before who, while being a leader, acted according to her own will and delayed the work, eventually becoming a false leader and being dismissed. When I thought of these things, I felt apprehensive, believing that the responsibility of being a leader was significant, and they could be dismissed at any time if they violated principles in their actions. I thought, “Now God’s work has reached its final stage, and it’s also the time when God determines each person’s outcome. If, at this critical moment, I not only fail to prepare good deeds but also commit evil and am condemned, how could I possibly have a good outcome? It would be better to take on a single-task job without bearing the risk.” With this in mind, I became unwilling to take on the role of a leader. A few days later, during the church election, I was elected as a leader. Seeing this result, I didn’t feel happy; instead, I felt repressed and in pain, thinking, “Not accepting this would show a lack of submission. If I accept it, not only will I have to work harder and endure more than others, but also, if I mess up the work, it won’t be a small problem. If I offended God’s disposition, my journey of believing in God would come to an end, and wouldn’t all the years I’ve believed in God be in vain? It would be better to do my current duty well in a down-to-earth way.” When I thought this way, I felt reproached in my heart, but when I considered the great responsibility of being a leader, and how quickly they would be revealed and eliminated if they made a mistake, I still didn’t want to take on the role of a leader. I felt a constant inner struggle, like a tug-of-war. So I prayed to God, asking Him to lead and guide me.

One day, I read a passage of God’s words, and I was deeply moved. Almighty God says: “If you feel you can perform a certain duty, but you also fear making a mistake and being eliminated, and so you are timid, stagnant, and can’t make progress, then is that a submissive attitude? For example, if your brothers and sisters choose you as their leader, then you may feel obligated to perform this duty because you were chosen, but you don’t regard this duty with a proactive attitude. Why are you not proactive? Because you have thoughts about it, and feel that, ‘Being a leader isn’t a good thing at all. It’s like walking on a knife’s edge or treading on thin ice. If I do a good job then there will be no reward, but if I do a bad job then I will be pruned. And being pruned isn’t even the worst of all. What if I get replaced or eliminated? If that were to happen, isn’t it all over for me?’ At that point, you start to feel conflicted. What is this attitude? This is being guarded and misunderstanding. This is not the attitude that people should have toward their duty. It is a demoralized and negative attitude. So, what should a positive attitude be like? (We should be open-hearted and forthright, and have the courage to take up burdens.) It should be one of submission and proactive cooperation. What you say is a bit empty. How can you be open-hearted and forthright when you are so afraid like this? And what does it mean to have the courage to take up burdens? What mentality will give you the courage to take up burdens? If you’re always afraid that something will go wrong and you won’t be able to handle it, and you have many internal hindrances, then you will fundamentally lack the courage to take up burdens. The ‘being open-hearted and forthright,’ ‘having the courage to take up burdens,’ or ‘never retreating even in the face of death’ you speak of, sounds a bit like the slogans shouted by angry young people. Can these slogans solve practical problems? What is needed now is a correct attitude. To possess a correct attitude, you must understand this aspect of the truth. This is the only way to resolve your internal difficulties, and allow you to smoothly accept this commission, this duty. This is the path of practice, and only this is the truth. If you use terms like ‘being open-hearted and forthright’ and ‘having the courage to take up burdens’ to address the fear that you feel, will this be effective? (No.) This indicates that these things are not the truth, nor are they a path of practice. You may say, ‘I am open-hearted and forthright, I am of indomitable stature, there are no other thoughts or contaminants in my heart, and I have the courage to take up burdens.’ Outwardly you take up your duty, but later, after pondering it for a while, you still feel that you cannot take it up. You may still feel afraid. In addition, you may see others being pruned, and become even more afraid, like a whipped dog terrified of the strap. You will increasingly feel like your stature is too small, and that this duty is like a vast, uncrossable abyss, and ultimately you will still be unable to take up this burden. This is why chanting slogans cannot solve practical problems. So how can you actually solve this problem? You should actively seek the truth and adopt a submissive and cooperative attitude. That can completely solve the problem. Timidity, fear, and worry are useless. Is there any relationship between whether you will be revealed and eliminated and being a leader? If you are not a leader, will your corrupt disposition disappear? Sooner or later, you must resolve the problem of your corrupt disposition. In addition, if you are not a leader, then you will not have more opportunities to practice and will make slow progress in life, with few chances to be perfected. Although there is a bit more suffering in being a leader or worker, it also brings about many gains, and if you can walk the path of pursuing the truth, you can be perfected. What a great blessing that is! So you should submit and actively cooperate. This is your duty and your responsibility. No matter the road ahead, you should have a heart of submission. This is the attitude with which you should perform your duty” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. What Is the Adequate Performance of Duty?). God’s words exposed the thoughts in my heart so thoroughly that I felt ashamed and embarrassed. I reflected on myself about why I had been so afraid of being a leader. It was because I had seen how a leader chose the wrong people when arranging to transfer the offerings, resulting in the offerings being seized by the great red dragon and several brothers and sisters being arrested, and how God’s house was investigating and handling the matter. Therefore, I had worried that if I became a leader and made a big mistake in the work, it would not only cause losses to the church but also delay the life entry of the brothers and sisters. That would be a great transgression, and I would be quickly revealed and eliminated. So, it would be safer to take on a single-task job instead. I had constantly considered my own interests, not daring to accept the duty of being a leader. I saw that I had been too selfish, with no trace of submission. Though being a leader involves more work, it offers more opportunities for training, more chances to gain the truth, and quicker life growth. God’s earnest intentions were behind it, but I didn’t understand God’s intentions, and instead, I harbored guardedness and misunderstandings toward God in my heart. Wasn’t that deeply hurtful to God? I should submit and actively cooperate, seeking the truth to resolve my guardedness and misunderstandings toward God.

Afterward, I read another passage of God’s words: “Even if they throw their whole self into their duty, resign from their work, and renounce their family, if they do not give God their heart, and they guard themselves against God, is that a good state? Is that the normal state of entering into the truth reality? Is the future development of this state not terrifying? If a person continues on in this state, can they obtain the truth? Can they gain the life? Can they enter into the truth reality? (No.) Are you aware that you yourselves possess this very state? When you become aware of it, do you think to yourselves: ‘Why am I always guarded against God? Why do I always think this way? To think this way is so frightening! It is opposing God and rejecting the truth. Guarding against God is the same as resisting Him’? The state of being guarded against God is just like being a thief—you do not dare to live in the light, you are afraid of exposing your demonic faces, and at the same time, you are frightened: ‘God is not to be trifled with. He can judge and chastise people at all times and places. If you anger God, in mild cases He will prune you, and in severe ones He will punish you, make you sick, or cause you to suffer. People cannot bear those things!’ Do people not have these misunderstandings? Is this a God-fearing heart? (No.) Is this kind of state not terrifying? When a person is in this state, when they guard against God, and always have these thoughts, when they always have this kind of attitude toward God, are they treating God like God? Is this belief in God? When a person believes in God in this way, when they do not treat God like God, is that not a problem? At the very minimum, people do not accept God’s righteous disposition, nor do they accept the fact of His work. They think: ‘It’s true that God is merciful and loving, but He is also wrathful. When God’s wrath befalls a person, it is disastrous. He can smite people to death at any time, destroying whomever He wishes. Do not invoke God’s anger. It is true that His majesty and wrath permit no offense. Keep your distance from Him!’ If a person has this kind of attitude and these ideas, can they fully and sincerely come before God? They cannot” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Practicing the Truth Can One Cast Off the Shackles of a Corrupt Disposition). As I pondered God’s words and reflected on myself, I realized that although I had believed in God for many years, outwardly forsaking my family and career to do my duty, I had never actually given my heart to God. I had always clung to Satan’s rules for survival, like “The bigger they are, the harder they fall” and “It’s lonely at the top,” treating them as maxims and wise words. I had been living according to Satan’s rules of survival, not believing in God’s righteous disposition. I had viewed God’s house as being just like the world, lacking fairness and righteousness, and I had imagined God to be like corrupt people, believing that even a small, inadvertent mistake would lead to condemnation and elimination. So when I had seen others being pruned or dismissed, I had become even more guarded against God in my heart. I had worried that if I became a leader and didn’t do the work well, I would be dismissed and eliminated, and that it would be safer to just do a single-task job. Because of these fallacious views, I couldn’t submit to God’s orchestration and arrangements. In reality, whether a person will be revealed and eliminated has nothing to do with their status. It is determined by the path they walk. If someone doesn’t pursue the truth, even if they are without status, they will still be revealed and eliminated. Some leaders and workers may have deviations or failures in their work, but they can seek the truth and reflect on themselves afterward, making every effort to act according to principles, and the more they do their duties, the more they gain a deeper understanding of the truth. For such people, taking on the role of a leader is a means by which they can be perfected. The leader I had known before was dismissed because she didn’t put time and energy into the truth principles, disrupted and disturbed the work, and stubbornly refused to know herself. Even when her issues had been exposed and fellowshipped on, she had argued and defended herself instead of repenting. This had led to her dismissal. Also, those antichrists expelled by God’s house weren’t ruined by status, or eliminated because of a single transgression. It was because during their time as leaders, they had acted recklessly and autocratically, and formed factions to establish independent kingdoms, which had severely disrupted the church’s work. Even after being pruned and warned, they had stubbornly refused to repent. They were expelled and eliminated because they belong to the category of people who are averse to the truth and hate it. Their failure was determined by their nature essence and the path they had walked. In God’s house, the decision to dismiss or eliminate someone is not based on a person’s momentary behavior or a single mistake they have made, but rather on their nature essence and consistent behavior. Moreover, God provides each person with multiple opportunities for repentance. It is not the case that anyone who is found to have made a mistake will be expelled or eliminated. Just like with our church’s leader, although there had been a major issue with the arrangements for transferring the offerings, she had sought the truth afterward, reflected on herself, and shown a willingness to repent. As a result, up to now she hasn’t been dismissed. I saw that my belief in “The bigger they are, the harder they fall” was fundamentally not in line with the truth, and I realized how distorted my viewpoint was! I had constantly been concerned with my own future and fate, fearing that if I became a leader and messed up the work, I wouldn’t have a good outcome and destination. If these erroneous pursuits and incorrect viewpoints were not resolved by seeking the truth, then even if I didn’t become a leader, with my nature of resisting God being deeply rooted, I would eventually be eliminated. At that moment, I felt that living according to Satan’s philosophy was truly dangerous, as it could make me rebel against God and stray from Him at any time or place.

Afterward, I read these words of God: “Antichrists never obey the arrangements of God’s house, and they always closely link their duty, fame, gain, and status with their hope of gaining blessings and their future destination, as if once their reputation and status are lost, they have no hope of gaining blessings and rewards, and this feels like losing their lives to them. They think, ‘I have to be careful, I mustn’t be careless! God’s house, the brothers and sisters, the leaders and workers, and even god can’t be relied upon. I can’t trust any of them. The person you can rely on most and who is most worthy of trust is yourself. If you’re not making plans for yourself, then who is going to care about you? Who is going to consider your future? Who is going to consider whether or not you’re going to receive blessings? Therefore, I have to make careful plans and calculations for my own sake. I can’t make mistakes or be even slightly careless, otherwise, what will I do if somebody tries to take advantage of me?’ Therefore, they guard themselves against the leaders and workers of God’s house, fearing that somebody will discern or see through them, and that they’ll then be dismissed and their dream of blessings will be spoiled. They think they must maintain their reputation and status in order for them to have hope of gaining blessings. An antichrist sees being blessed as greater than the heavens, greater than life, more important than pursuing the truth, dispositional change, or personal salvation, and more important than doing their duty well, and being a created being that is up to standard. They think that being a created being that is up to standard, doing their duty well and being saved are all paltry things that are hardly worth mentioning or remarking on, while gaining blessings is the only thing in their entire life that can never be forgotten. In whatever they encounter, no matter how great or small, they relate it to being blessed, and are incredibly cautious and attentive, and they always leave a way out for themselves” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Twelve: They Want to Withdraw When They Have No Status or No Hope of Gaining Blessings). From God’s words, I saw that no matter what situation antichrists encounter, they first consider whether they can gain blessings or not. As long as something is beneficial for gaining blessings, they will do it, whereas if it isn’t, they won’t do it. They never consider their responsibilities or duties, nor the interests of God’s house. Reflecting on my own behavior, I realized that I had acted in the same way. The brothers and sisters had elected me as a leader—this was an exaltation by God and an opportunity for me to train. I should have actively cooperated, but I had placed too much importance on gaining blessings, considering my own future and fate first. As soon as I had thought about the great responsibilities of being a leader, and the potential negative impact on my future and destination if I made any transgressions, I became reluctant to take on the role. I had regarded gaining blessings as being more important than my own duties and responsibilities. I had been truly selfish and devoid of humanity! Realizing this, I made a prayer of repentance to God, and actively took on the duty of being a leader.

Not long after, I was put in charge of transferring the offerings. I still felt some fear in my heart, worrying that an error might occur due to my improper arrangements, so I wanted to back down. At that moment, I recognized that this state was not right, so I came before God to pray, “Oh God, I see that I am too selfish and again focused on my own future and fate. This duty that has come to me today is Your test of me. I shouldn’t live in fear, considering my own interests. I should rely on You and cooperate according to principles, actively taking on this burden, without considering personal gains or losses any longer.” After the prayer, I thought of a passage of God’s words: “What sort of person dares to take responsibility? What sort of person has the courage to bear a heavy burden? Someone who takes the lead and goes bravely forth at the most crucial moment in the work of God’s house, who is not afraid to bear a heavy responsibility and endure great hardship when they see the work that is most important and crucial. That is someone loyal to God, a good soldier of Christ. Is it the case that everyone who fears taking responsibility in their duty does so because they do not understand the truth? No; it is a problem in their humanity. They have no sense of justice or responsibility, they are selfish and vile people, not true-hearted believers in God, and they do not accept the truth in the least. For this reason, they cannot be saved” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Eight: They Would Have Others Submit Only to Them, Not the Truth or God (Part One)). As I pondered God’s words, I understood that those who sincerely believe in God and have good humanity do their duties with a sense of responsibility. They safeguard the interests of God’s house without considering personal gains or losses. Especially in critical work, they face difficulties head-on, and are able to shoulder heavy burdens and consider God’s intentions. No matter how great the risks, they do not retreat but are able to rely on God to experience things. Such people truly have conscience and reason. They are the pillars of the church and are those whom God delights in. But as for those who constantly consider their own gains and losses while doing their duties, and who do not safeguard the interests of God’s house whatsoever, they lack humanity, and are selfish and despicable. In God’s eyes, they are disbelievers and nonbelievers. Pondering all this, I felt distressed and self-reproachful, and I became willing to take on this responsibility and actively cooperate to transfer the offerings to a safe place as soon as possible. After practicing this way, I felt a sense of peace and reassurance in my heart.

If it hadn’t been for God arranging environments to reveal me, I wouldn’t have known my selfish and despicable corrupt disposition and erroneous perspectives on what to pursue, nor would I have understood God’s painstaking efforts in saving people. I am grateful to God for arranging these environments, and for the enlightenment and guidance through His words that led to this knowledge and transformation.