By Bai Lu, China

I was born into a farming family, where we made a living working the land. From a young age, my father and grandfather taught me that I had to study hard, and that only by getting into a good university could I find a good job, stand out above the rest, and bring honor to the family. Under their tutelage, both in word and in example, I studied diligently, and my grades were always outstanding. My dad would often say to me, “Your cousin got her PhD and became a professor. She earns a good salary and it’s very prestigious. Your other cousin graduated from a famous university and is now doing scientific research work with great benefits….” I thought that I had to study hard, and get into a good university and find a good job, that way I’d bring honor to both myself and my parents. At that time, I already believed in God, but in order to get into a good university and later find a good job and get everyone to admire me, I focused entirely on my studies, and didn’t attend gatherings regularly. Later, due to the heavy academic pressure and fierce competition, I gradually began to suffer from health issues. One after another, I developed illnesses like an enlarged thyroid, stomach problems, and acute gastroenteritis. I went to the hospital for treatment, but the pain didn’t ease much, and I experienced severe hair loss, with my hair thinning at a rate visible to the naked eye. My gastroenteritis also flared up frequently, and I would often have diarrhea. These illnesses tormented me, leaving me in unbearable suffering. Seeing my haggard self in the mirror, I felt physically and mentally drained, and was in extreme pain; I missed the days when I used to gather with the brothers and sisters, reading God’s words, and singing to praise Him, which was particularly relaxing and liberating. I yearned for a break, but the heavy academic workload left me physically and mentally drained. I often felt pain and emptiness, thinking that living like this was just too exhausting. Sometimes, I even thought that it would be great to jump from a high place and fall into an eternal, unending sleep. I realized that these were thoughts from Satan and that I could not follow them. Later, I thought, “I’ve worked so hard for so many years on my dream of standing out above the rest. There’s just this last year to get through. Once I get into university, things will be easier. University won’t have the same level of academic pressure as high school, and I’ll be able to attend gatherings normally.”

In 2019, I got accepted into a good polytechnic university. Relatives came to congratulate me and even told their children to use me as a role model. In an instant, I became a celebrity in my family. Friends also sent messages to congratulate me upon hearing the news. Hearing this praise from relatives and friends, I felt very happy. I’d thought that the academic pressure would be lighter in university compared to high school, and that I would have plenty of free time, allowing me to attend gatherings normally. However, things didn’t turn out as I had imagined. In addition to attending classes, I had to take various certification exams and I was often busy attending preparation courses for those exams. I also had to participate in various school-organized activities to earn credits, making my schedule very tight. Moreover, in Chinese universities, believing in God is not permitted, so I had to attend gatherings in secret. I felt somewhat constrained and was always afraid of being discovered. Later, Sister Chen Xin said that there were many newcomers to the church who urgently needed watering, and she wanted me to train to do this. I thought to myself, “I’m busy with my studies and have to take certification exams. If I also do a duty it will delay my academic progress. What if I don’t earn enough credits to get my degree? How will I find a good job then?” Thinking of that, I declined and threw myself entirely into earning credits. Although I still attended gatherings, I couldn’t quiet my heart. I prayed and read God’s words less frequently. Each day, I followed a routine of attending classes and earning credits, and over time, an inexplicable sense of emptiness began to arise in me, making me feel that this way of life was meaningless. My roommate dragged me out with her to have fun and eat delicious food, but the emptiness in my heart didn’t diminish at all.

During the holidays, when I returned home, I met my middle school classmate, He Xin, at a gathering. He Xin told me that her younger sister had suffered a mental breakdown two years ago because she failed to get into high school twice. I was dumbfounded, “Her sister used to be so cheerful and optimistic, and now she’s become mentally ill!” This incident had some impact on me. During those days, I often thought, “He Xin’s sister had been studying so hard to stand out above the rest. I didn’t expect this to be the outcome. I slaved away at my studies to get into university, and even though I’ve been admitted to my desired one and am admired by my relatives and friends, I can’t feel any joy and I’m quite exhausted. Is this pursuit really worth it?” A few days later, COVID-19 broke out nationwide, with villages and roads being sealed off and restrictions put on travel. Universities suspended classes, factories shut down in droves, and I couldn’t attend school anymore. So, I attended gatherings normally at the church and started to do my duties. As I read more of God’s words, I gradually understood some truths. One day, I read these words from God: “In doing one’s duty, there are two main types of people. One is the kind who sincerely expend themselves for God, while the other is the kind who always leave themselves a way out. Which kind of person do you think God will approve of and save? (Those who sincerely expend themselves for God.) God wants to obtain those people who sincerely expend themselves for Him. … Right now, you make use of your hobbies and skills as you do your duty. Also, during this time, you do your duty as a created being, you are able to understand the truth, and enter onto life’s right road. What a happy event, what good fortune! However you look at it, it is not a loss. As you follow God, distance yourselves from places of sin, and distance yourselves from groups of wicked people, at the very least your thoughts and hearts will not continue to suffer the corruption and trampling of Satan. You have come to a piece of pure land, come before God. Is this not tremendous good fortune? People are reincarnated generation after generation, up to the present, and how many such chances do they have? Is it not only the people who are born in the last days who have this opportunity? What a great thing this is! This is not a matter of loss, it is the greatest of good fortune. You should be so happy! As created beings, among all creation, among the few billion people on the earth, how many people are there that have the opportunity to testify of the deeds of the Creator in their identities as created beings, to do their duty and responsibility among the work of God? Who has such an opportunity? Are there many such people? There are too few! What is the ratio? One in ten thousand? No, there are even fewer! Especially you who can use your skills and the knowledge you have studied to do your duty, are you not extremely blessed? You do not testify of a man, and what you do is not a career—the One you serve is the Creator. This is the most beautiful and valuable thing! Should you not feel proud? (We should.) As you do your duty, you obtain God’s watering and provision. With such a good environment and opportunity, if you do not obtain anything substantial, if you do not obtain the truth, then will you not feel regret for the rest of your life? So, you must seize the opportunity to do your duty, and do not let it pass you by; pursue the truth in earnest as you do your duty, and obtain it. This is the most valuable thing you can do, the most meaningful life!” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. In Giving One’s Heart to God, One Can Obtain the Truth). From God’s words, I understood that only those who sincerely expend themselves for God can be approved by Him. As a created being, doing one’s duty and striving to gain the truth is the most blessed and valuable thing to do. I thought about how I am just a tiny created being, and among the billions of people in the world, I had the privilege to accept God’s work of the last days, be watered and supplied by His words, do my duties in God’s house, and contribute my efforts to the work of spreading God’s gospel—this truly was God raising me up! Before, I had focused solely on standing out above the rest and being admired, pouring all my time and energy into my studies and not taking my faith seriously. When Sister Chen Xin asked me to train in watering newcomers, I refused. But God did not hold this against me and gave me another opportunity to do my duties. I needed to cherish it properly. Afterward, I took my duties seriously and thought about how to do them well. While I did my duties, I revealed quite a bit of corruption. With the guidance and help from the sisters, I gained some understanding of my corrupt dispositions. I felt a sense of stability, peace, relief, and freedom that I had never experienced before. Every day was fulfilling, and I hoped to do my duties in God’s house forever.

However, the good times didn’t last. The student advisor notified us that school would start in September, and that due to the pandemic, the school would implement a closed management system after reopening, with everyone prohibited from leaving the campus. Upon receiving the news, I was suddenly engulfed in pain. “Now that the school is implementing a closed management system, I won’t be able to leave campus after school reopening, so I won’t be able to attend gatherings or do my duties. I’ll also be indoctrinated with atheistic ideas. I only have a shallow foundation in my faith, and my stature is small. Will I be able to stand firm in this kind of environment?” So I didn’t want to go to school. But then I thought, “If I don’t go to school, my father and grandfather will surely be very disappointed in me. My relatives and friends won’t think highly of me anymore, and they might even mock me. But if I do go to school, I won’t be able to attend gatherings or do my duties. Now that the pandemic is spreading everywhere and the disasters are intensifying, God’s work is nearing its end. If God’s work concludes and I still haven’t gained the truth, won’t I then fall into the disasters? But if I give up on my studies, won’t all my years of effort be in vain?” Thinking about this, I was deeply troubled and didn’t know what choice to make. At that time, the leader contacted me and said, “Now that the gospel is spreading considerably and more and more people are accepting God’s work, the church urgently needs waterers, and we want you to water newcomers. Do you have the will to do it?” I felt quite at a loss at the time. Then I watched the stage play Farewell, My Innocent Campus, and saw a passage of God’s words quoted in the video: “Satan uses fame and gain to control man’s thoughts, until all people can think of is fame and gain. They struggle for fame and gain, suffer hardships for fame and gain, endure humiliation for fame and gain, sacrifice everything they have for fame and gain, and they will make any judgment or decision for the sake of fame and gain. In this way, Satan binds people with invisible shackles, and they have neither the strength nor the courage to throw them off. They unknowingly bear these shackles and trudge ever onward with great difficulty. For the sake of this fame and gain, mankind shuns God and betrays Him and becomes increasingly wicked. In this way, therefore, one generation after another is destroyed in the midst of Satan’s fame and gain” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VI). From God’s words, I understood that Satan uses fame and gain to lure people away from God and lead them to betray Him. I remembered that during my childhood, my father and grandfather taught me to “Stand out above the rest, and bring honor to your ancestors” and that “One must endure the greatest hardships in order to become the greatest of men.” I took the pursuit of fame, gain, and status as my goal in life, believing that only by attaining fame and gain and being admired by others could life be meaningful and valuable. I had no scruples about damaging my health to get into a good university. I studied incessantly like a robot, which led to various illnesses. The physical pain and inner anguish made me feel extraordinarily distressed and exhausted. I lost the motivation to live and really wished I could sleep forever. Yet, for the sake of obtaining a degree, fame, and gain, I gritted my teeth and persevered. After being admitted to my desired university, to obtain a degree certificate and find a good job, I threw myself into earning credits, drifting further from God. I merely went through the motions of attending gatherings, and my prayers and reading of God’s words diminished. Fame and gain were like an invisible shackle that Satan had placed on me, binding and hurting me against my will. In pursuit of fame and gain, I invested all my time and energy into my studies over the years, neglecting my faith in God, and my spiritual life suffered greatly. Continuing down this path might earn me a bachelor’s degree, a good job, and people’s admiration, but what good was it if I lost the opportunity for salvation? Now that the pandemic was spreading everywhere, the number of people infected was rising daily, and many had died. Even some officials had been infected. No matter how wealthy or famous someone was, if they contracted the virus, they were bound to die just the same. I realized that pursuing fame and gain and status holds no real value or significance. Only pursuing the truth offers hope for salvation.

I saw another passage of God’s words in the video: “Christ of the last days brings life, and brings the enduring and everlasting way of truth. This truth is the path by which man gains life, and it is the only path by which man shall know God and be approved by God. If you do not seek the way of life provided by Christ of the last days, then you shall never gain the approval of Jesus, and shall never be qualified to enter the gate of the kingdom of heaven, for you are both a puppet and prisoner of history” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Only Christ of the Last Days Can Give Man the Way of Eternal Life). The protagonist fellowshipped that “The only path into God’s kingdom is to accept Christ of the last days. … Understanding the truth and being saved in our faith aren’t simple things. It’s not like we’re saved just as soon as we believe. … Disasters are growing and we’re still studying in school. We won’t be able to share the gospel and bear witness until we graduate. So does this count as following God?” After hearing this, I was deeply moved. “Only by accepting God’s work of the last days and pursuing to gain the truth can one be saved and survive. If I’m both studying and believing in God, but not doing my duties, can I be considered a true follower of God? If this continues, won’t I end up with nothing?” Then I read these words of God: “The work of the last days is to separate all according to their kind, and to conclude the management plan of God, for the time is near and the day of God has come. God brings all who enter His kingdom—all who are loyal to Him to the very end—into the age of God Himself. Yet prior to the arrival of the age of God Himself, God’s work is not to observe the deeds of man, or to inquire into the life of man, but to judge man’s rebelliousness, for God shall purify all those who come before His throne. All who have followed the footsteps of God to this day are those who come before the throne of God, and this being so, every single person who accepts God’s work in its final phase is the object of God’s purification. In other words, everyone who accepts God’s work in its final phase is the object of God’s judgment” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Christ Does the Work of Judgment With the Truth). I understood that in the last days, God came to do the work of judgment to classify people according to their kinds and ultimately bring an end to His work of saving mankind. He will bring those who listen to His words, submit to Him, and are loyal to Him into the next wonderful age, while those who do not do their duties and have no truth reality will all fall into disasters and be destroyed by God. Only believing in God, doing one’s duties, and pursuing the truth to enter into truth reality is the most important and meaningful thing. I was fortunate to have heard God’s voice and accepted the gospel of the kingdom, having the opportunity to pursue the truth and obtain salvation. This is such great grace from God. Yet I failed to cherish it, spending all my time and energy pursuing fame and gain. How blind and ignorant I had been! Previously, I was focused only on fame and gain and didn’t take the pursuit of truth seriously. As a result, despite believing in God for years, I didn’t understand the truth and had little knowledge of my own corrupt disposition. Because of the pandemic, I spent the past few months reading God’s words and doing my duty at home. I understood some truths and gained some knowledge of my corrupt dispositions. The gains during that period of time made me feel very fulfilled, and I wanted to give up my studies to do my duties. I told my grandmother and my mother about my decision to drop out of school. My grandmother was very supportive. But when my mother heard it, she kept crying and said, “It hasn’t been easy for us to support your education. If you quit now, what will your dad and grandpa say? What will our relatives and friends think after finding out?” My sister also tried to persuade me after knowing it, saying, “After more than ten years of hard work in school, are you sure you won’t regret quitting like this?” Hearing what they said, I felt somewhat upset. I had sacrificed so much to get into university. If I quit now, wouldn’t my fourteen years of hard work and my parents’ painstaking efforts go to waste? Moreover, it wasn’t easy for my parents to support me through school. They were hoping I would get into a good university, find a good job, provide them with a better life, and bring them some honor. If I dropped out to do my duties, they would surely be heartbroken and disappointed. How ungrateful would that be! I didn’t want to make my parents sad, but this life wasn’t what I wanted. I felt deeply conflicted and pained, so I kept praying to God, “Oh God, I am very troubled right now. Please guide me to understand Your intention and make the right choice.”

Later, I read a passage of God’s words: “God created this world and brought man, a living being unto which He bestowed life, into it. Next, man came to have parents and kin, and was no longer alone. Ever since man first laid eyes on this material world, they were destined to exist within the ordination of God. The breath of life from God supports each and every living being throughout growth into adulthood. During this process, no one feels that man is growing up under the care of God; rather, they believe that man is doing so under the loving care of their parents, and that it is their own life instinct that directs their growing up. This is because man knows not who bestowed them life, or from whence it came, much less the way in which the instinct of life creates miracles. They know only that food is the basis on which their life continues, that perseverance is the source of their existence, and that the beliefs in their mind are the capital upon which their survival depends. Of God’s grace and provision, man is utterly oblivious, and thus do they fritter away the life bestowed upon them by God…. Not a single one of this humanity that God cares for day and night takes it upon themselves to worship Him. God only continues to work on man, for whom He holds out no expectations, as He has planned. He does so in the hope that one day, man will awaken from their dream and suddenly realize the value and meaning of life, the price God paid for all that He has given them, and the eager solicitude with which God waits for man to turn back to Him” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God Is the Source of Man’s Life). From God’s words, I understood that everyone exists under God’s sovereignty and predestination. On the surface, it seems that my parents raised me, but in reality, my life comes from God. It is God who provides for me, arranging the family I was born into and my parents, supplying all my needs for survival, and guiding me step by step to where I am today. Parents raising their children is merely fulfilling their responsibilities and obligations; there is no debt between them. I had always wanted to go to college and find a good job, so that my parents and I could have a better life and gain people’s admiration. For this goal, I worked hard for over a decade. Yet, when I pursued fame and gain and was harmed and tormented by Satan, it was not my parents but God who stood by me in my most painful times. God has been watching over and protecting me, comforting and guiding me with His words. He has been waiting for me to turn around. If I persisted in this mistaken way, I would be too indebted to God. God has continuously watered and provided for me, leading me step by step to where I am today. Now, with the various tasks in God’s house requiring people’s cooperation, I should carry out my responsibilities as a created being and fulfill my duties. After understanding these things, I told my mom and sister, “I have my mission, and regardless of whether you agree or not, I am quitting school.” Seeing how determined I was, they didn’t say anything more.

Afterward, I messaged my advisor to inform him of my decision to drop out. The advisor tried to persuade me, saying, “Think it over. Once you graduate, you’ll have a bachelor’s degree, and finding a job will be much easier.” Hearing this, I felt a bit swayed, so I prayed to God and remembered His words: “Awaken, brothers! Awaken, sisters! My day will not be delayed; time is life, and to seize back time is to save life! The time is not far off! If you fail the college entrance examination, you can study and retake it as many times as you like. However, My day will brook no further delay. Remember! Remember! I urge you with these good words. The end of the world unfolds before your very eyes, and great disasters rapidly draw near. Which is more important: your life, or your sleep, your food and drink and clothing? The time has come for you to weigh these things. Be doubtful no longer, and do not shy away from certainty!” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 30). I was suddenly awakened, realizing that no matter how high my degree or how good my job was, it would only be temporary and merely satisfy my vanity for a moment, without benefiting my life at all. Now, God is doing the final stage of His work of saving and cleansing humanity—this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. If I miss it, I’ll regret it forever. I had to seize this chance to do my duty and pursue the truth earnestly. Otherwise, regardless of how prestigious my degree was, how good my job was, or how much admiration I gained from friends and relatives, I would still end up falling into the disasters. So, I prayed to God, asking Him to give me faith so that I could unwaveringly believe in Him and do my duties. After praying, I resolutely messaged my advisor, saying, “I’ve made up my mind to drop out!” Seeing my determination, the advisor didn’t try to persuade me further, and the withdrawal process was completed smoothly.

The moment I walked out of the school gate with my luggage, it felt as if a heavy burden had been lifted from my heart. I experienced a sense of lightness and joy that I had never felt before. Afterward, I went to the church to do my duties and had more time to read God’s words and draw closer to Him. Through experiencing the various environments God arranged, I gained some understanding of the truth, learned the true meaning of believing in God, how to pursue life entry, how to resolve my corrupt disposition, and so on. My heart was especially brightened. I felt that each day was fulfilling, and my heart was particularly at ease and joyful. Even some of the illnesses I had gradually disappeared without me noticing. When I went home for the New Year, I saw my former classmates busy every day with their studies, taking various certification exams, and participating in all kinds of activities. They pursued fame and gain as their life’s goal, tirelessly striving for them, yet they didn’t even know where they came from, where they will ultimately go, why people live at all, and so on. They lived pitiful lives. Had I not dropped out of school back then, I would have been one of them. I’m so happy that I chose to leave school and come to God’s house to do my duties—it’s the most correct decision I’ve ever made, and I’ll never regret it!