By Qiao Min, China

In January 2021, Zhang Fang and I were both selected to be church leaders. We were busy in the church from morning to late at night. However, because I had not cooperated in the text-based work or cleansing work in the past and because I was new to that church and was unfamiliar with many aspects, the work was not very effective. After a while, Li Yan returned from doing her duty elsewhere and was also selected to be a church leader. I was very happy. I knew Li Yan. She had previously done her duty in this church, and understood all the aspects well. Moreover, her caliber was high, and she had work capabilities. She also had done many duties. I thought, “Now that we have Li Yan to cooperate in the work of the church, we must be able to find solutions to the problems and difficulties of the brothers and sisters, and when the work effectiveness improves, I will also look good.” So I hurriedly told Li Yan everything about the situation in the church. Li Yan very quickly became familiar with the work, and we started to cooperate by dividing our tasks. Zhang Fang and I were mainly responsible for gospel work and watering work. Li Yan was responsible for cleansing work and church life. When Zhang Fang and I encountered problems that we did not know how to solve, Li Yan would always be the one fellowshipping. With her help, we were able to find ways to solve many problems. Li Yan also became the mainstay of our church. The upper-level leaders held a co-worker meeting with us to check on our church’s work and when they saw we were actively cooperating and carrying out the various items of work in an orderly manner, they kept nodding in approval. I remembered when the leaders had previously come to learn about our work, they had pruned us because we had not done some key tasks well, which led to delays. I felt ashamed and could not lift my head up. Now that we had Li Yan to cooperate in doing our duties, the effectiveness of the work was clearly different. The upper-level leaders rarely pruned us now, and I looked good at the coworker meetings. I thought, “In the future I must cooperate well with Li Yan and strive to do all tasks in the church even better.”

One evening in July, the upper-level leaders sent a letter asking us to recommend someone who was quite good and could take charge of the church work. I thought to myself, “Li Yan is the best in terms of caliber and work capability, and she will also gain more practice if she is promoted. But if I recommend her, our church will lose one of its mainstays. Zhang Fang and I still aren’t good enough at our work. If the church’s work comes to be less effective, the upper-level leaders will definitely say that we lack work capability and can’t do real work. They might even dismiss us. What will our brothers and sisters think of us then? I cannot recommend that Li Yan go. But if I don’t recommend her, that isn’t protecting the work of the church or considering the bigger picture.” Neither option seemed right, and this made me feel really troubled. Finally, I reluctantly said to Li Yan, “I’ll recommend that you go.” Li Yan hesitated and didn’t say anything, but I felt that she didn’t want to go. At first, I wanted to ask her for her thoughts and fellowship with her, but then I thought, “What if after our fellowship she agrees to leave? Then the results of our church’s work will decline, and I’ll look bad. Forget it, I won’t ask her or fellowship with her. I’ll just pretend I didn’t see anything. If she doesn’t go, isn’t that better for me?” So I didn’t reply to the upper-level leaders. After I got home, I lay on my bed, tossing and turning, unable to sleep. I thought about how the leaders had asked us to quickly write back, but I had delayed and not replied. Would this hold up the work? The more I thought about it, the more unsettled I became. But in my heart, I was still not willing to recommend Li Yan. There was so much work to do in the church and with one less person cooperating, the effectiveness of the work surely would not be as good. Thinking of this, I didn’t recommend her.

On the morning of the second day, when I got up, I felt weak and feeble and I couldn’t eat anything. In my heart, I felt uneasy. I prayed before God and in seeking, I saw these words of God: “No matter what they’re doing, antichrists first consider their own interests, and they only act once they’ve thought it all out; they do not truly, sincerely, and absolutely submit to the truth without compromise, but do so selectively and conditionally. What condition is this? It is that their status and reputation must be safeguarded, and must not suffer any loss. Only after this condition is satisfied will they decide and choose what to do. That is, antichrists give serious consideration to how to treat the truth principles, God’s commissions, and the work of God’s house, or how to deal with the things they face. They do not consider how to satisfy God’s intentions, how to keep from damaging the interests of God’s house, how to satisfy God, or how to benefit the brothers and sisters; these are not the things they consider. What do antichrists consider? Whether their own status and reputation will be affected, and whether their prestige will be lowered. If doing something according to the truth principles benefits the work of the church and the brothers and sisters, but would cause their own reputation to suffer and cause many people to realize their true stature and know what sort of nature essence they have, then they will definitely not act in accordance with the truth principles. If doing some real work will cause more people to think highly of them, look up to them and admire them, allow them to gain even greater prestige, or enable their words to carry authority and make more people submit to them, then they will choose to do it that way; otherwise, they will never choose to disregard their own interests out of consideration for the interests of God’s house or of the brothers and sisters. This is the nature essence of antichrists. Isn’t it selfish and despicable?” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). God’s words hit the nail on the head when it came to exposing my state. The disposition that I’d revealed was as selfish and despicable as that of an antichrist. To protect my own image and status, I did not think about the interests of God’s house at all. The upper-level leaders had asked us to recommend someone to take charge of church work on a larger scale. I clearly knew that Li Yan’s caliber was good, that she possessed work capability, and was a suitable candidate. According to the principles, I should have recommended her, but I was scared that after Li Yan left, I wouldn’t be able to do some of the work well, the results of the work would decline, the leaders would prune me, and I would look bad. So I didn’t want to recommend Li Yan. When I saw that Li Yan did not want to go, I didn’t ask about her difficulties or fellowship with her to help. I was secretly happy inside and eagerly wished that she would not go. Thinking of how the work of the church now urgently needed people to cooperate, as a church leader, I should have been considerate of God’s intention and fellowshipped with Li Yan and helped her so that she would proactively cooperate. But I really did not think of the work of the church. I was really selfish and despicable! There was no trace of humanity in me! I felt very guilty and quickly wrote to the leaders, recommending Li Yan.

After some time, the upper-level leaders didn’t reply, so I assumed that they had found someone from another church and didn’t need Li Yan to go. I was secretly a bit happy. Unexpectedly, one day the leaders wrote a letter asking the brothers and sisters to write an evaluation of Li Yan. Seeing this letter, my heart sank, and I thought, “They want an evaluation of Li Yan, so it seems as though the leaders do want to promote her.” I was a little disappointed. “Now the gospel deacon is seriously ill and cannot do his duties. I am taking care of the gospel work on top of my other duties. Moreover, there hasn’t been much progress in gospel work recently, and I am very anxious. I may not be able to find the right person for a while. Originally, Li Yan was going to finish her own work, and then help me with the work of the gospel. If she is transferred, who will help me with the gospel work? Also, we will have to take on all of Li Yan’s work. How can Zhang Fang and I shoulder the burden of all these tasks? If the results of the work do not improve, how will the brothers and sisters look at us?” Thinking of all this, I wanted to keep Li Yan here. I was very clear that if I wrote an honest evaluation of Li Yan, the chances of her promotion would be very high. So I wrote about how negative and fallen she became when she was removed from her duty before, thinking that if the leaders saw that she was like this, they would not promote her. After writing the letter, I didn’t think anything more of it and the matter was over.

One day, I came across a passage from the words of God and came to understand the nature and consequences of my acting in this way. Almighty God says: “God’s chosen people should be centrally allocated by the house of God. This has nothing to do with any leader, group head, or individual. Everyone must act according to principle; this is the rule of God’s house. Antichrists do not act according to the principles of God’s house, they constantly scheme for the sake of their own status and interests, and make brothers and sisters of good caliber serve them in order to consolidate their power and status. Is this not selfish and vile? Outwardly, keeping people of good caliber by their side and not allowing them to be transferred by the house of God appears as if they are thinking of church work, but in fact they are only thinking of their own power and status, and not about the work of the church at all. They are afraid that they will do the church work poorly, be replaced, and lose their status. Antichrists give no thought to the wider work of God’s house, think only of their own status, protect their own status with no compunction for the cost to the interests of the house of God, and defend their own status and interests to the detriment of the church’s work. This is selfish and vile. When faced with such a situation, at the very least one must think with their conscience: ‘These people are all of the house of God, they are not my personal property. I, too, am a member of the house of God. What right do I have to stop the house of God from transferring people? I should consider the overall interests of the house of God, instead of just concentrating on the work within the scope of my own responsibilities.’ Such are the thoughts that should be found in people who are possessed of conscience and reason, and the reason that should be possessed by those who believe in God. God’s house engages in the work of the whole and the churches are engaged in the work of parts. Therefore, when God’s house has a special need from the church, what’s most important for leaders and workers is to obey the arrangements of God’s house. False leaders and antichrists are not possessed of such conscience and reason. They are all quite selfish, they only think of themselves, and they do not think of the work of the church. They only consider the benefits before their very eyes, they do not consider the wider work of God’s house, and so they are absolutely incapable of obeying the arrangements of God’s house. They are extremely selfish and vile! In the house of God, they are even bold enough to be obstructive, and even dare to dig their heels in; these are the people most lacking in humanity, they are evil people. That is the kind of people the antichrists are. They always treat the church’s work, and the brothers and sisters, and even all the assets of God’s house that fall within their scope of responsibility, as their own private property. They believe that it is up to them how these things are distributed, transferred, and used, and that the house of God is not allowed to intervene. Once they are in their hands, it is as if they are in the possession of Satan, no one is allowed to touch them. They’re the big shots, the head honchos, and whoever goes to their territory has to obey their orders and arrangements in a well-behaved and pliant manner, and take cues from their expressions. This is the manifestation of the selfishness and vileness within antichrists’ character. They give no consideration to the work of the house of God, they do not follow principle in the slightest, and only think of their own interests and status—which are all hallmarks of the selfishness and vileness of antichrists” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Excursus Four: Summarizing the Character of Antichrists and Their Disposition Essence (Part One)). God exposes that antichrists are especially selfish and despicable, treating the brothers and sisters as tools to serve them for the sake of their own reputation and status, and giving no consideration to the work of God’s house. Comparing myself to antichrists, our behavior was the same. I had known full well that after Li Yan’s dismissal, she had some self-understanding and change, and that she now did her duties effectively. But I had been afraid that if I recommended her, the results of our church’s work would not improve, and I would lose face, so I had brought up how Li Yan acted when she was in a poor state to deceive the leaders, hoping to keep Li Yan here so that I could continue to use her. Li Yan wasn’t very willing to go but I hadn’t offered her fellowship and help, and even had been secretly happy, hoping she would continue to live in a wrong state, so she wouldn’t be transferred. I had known full well that the work of the church needed people, but I had cared only about protecting my own interests, and hadn’t considered the overall work of the church at all. How was this doing my duty? In order to make someone stay to serve me and preserve my own reputation and status, I completely ignored the needs of the church’s work. In doing this, was I not disrupting the church’s work? The path I had been walking was the antichrists’ path of resisting God. If I didn’t discard my evil ways and repent to God, eventually I would be eliminated by Him. The more I thought about it, the more I was afraid, and I became somewhat hateful toward my selfish and despicable satanic nature, and so I prayed to God, telling Him that I was willing to repent.

I read a passage of God’s words: “Those who are capable of putting the truth into practice can accept God’s scrutiny in the things they do. When you accept God’s scrutiny, your heart will be set straight. If you only ever do things for others to see, and always want to gain others’ praise and admiration, and you do not accept God’s scrutiny, then is God still in your heart? Such people have no God-fearing hearts. Do not always do things for your own sake and do not constantly consider your own interests; do not consider the interests of man, and give no thought to your own pride, reputation, and status. You must first consider the interests of God’s house, and make them your priority. You should be considerate of God’s intentions and begin by contemplating whether or not there have been impurities in the performance of your duty, whether you have been loyal, fulfilled your responsibilities, and given it your all, as well as whether or not you have been wholeheartedly thinking about your duty and the work of the church. You must consider these things. If you think about them frequently and figure them out, it will be easier for you to perform your duty well. If you are of poor caliber, if your experience is shallow, or if you are not proficient in your professional work, then there may be some mistakes or deficiencies in your work, and you may not get good results—but you will have done your best. You do not satisfy your own selfish desires or preferences. Instead, you give constant consideration to the work of the church and the interests of the house of God. Though you may not achieve good results in your duty, your heart will have been set straight; if, on top of this, you can seek the truth to solve the problems in your duty, you will be up to standard in the performance of your duty, and, at the same time, you will be able to enter into the truth reality. This is what it means to possess testimony” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Disposition). God’s words pointed out a path of practice. In doing one’s duty, one should let go of personal ambitions and desires, and put the work of God’s house first in everything. Take the matter of recommending Li Yan for example. Since the sister conformed to the conditions of God’s house for promotion and cultivation, I should have recommended her, and let her get better practice in a suitable position, which would also benefit the work of the church. Recognizing this, I was willing to recommend Li Yan, and thought no more about losing face because the results of my own work would be poor. I only wanted to pray and rely on God more, and to undertake the church’s work to the best of my ability.

Not long after, Li Yan was transferred, and I took over the work she had been responsible for. Previously I had rarely participated in the work she was responsible for. When I saw that cleansing work touched upon many principles, and that if I didn’t master these principles, it would delay this work, I felt some stress over this. At this time, I remembered God saying that one must do one’s duty with all one’s heart, strength, and mind. I must apply all my strength and do all that I was capable of doing. Later, while the brothers and sisters were sorting through the materials for clearing out people, many deviations and issues appeared. So, I fellowshipped and studied the principles with everyone, seeking guidance for anything I didn’t understand, and I gradually gained some understanding of the principles. When I adopted the right mentality toward cooperating, it actually wasn’t as difficult as I had thought. I remembered that before, when Li Yan was here, it was she who had resolved many of the problems and difficulties of the brothers and sisters by fellowshipping with them, so I’d had no burden. After Li Yan left, I had come to rely on God more and more, and also had more of a burden than before.

I thanked God for His practical arrangement of environments, which allowed me to have some understanding of my selfish and despicable nature essence. At the same time, I also realized that whenever the church needs people to cooperate with work, we should actively provide and recommend them, and we should not think of our own interests, but rather, we must consider the overall work of the church. This is protecting the church’s work, and it is in accordance with God’s intentions. When I put aside my own interests and bore a burden for my duty, I was also able to solve some of the difficulties of my duty, and saw God’s leadership. Practicing this way made me feel at ease and peaceful in my heart.