By Zhou Xiaoou, China

In March 2021, I received a letter from the church leaders, asking me to provide details of my wife’s behavior as a disbeliever. I knew that my wife was indeed a disbeliever and met the criteria to be cleared out from God’s house. She had believed in God for many years but never pursued the truth, always chasing after worldly trends and wealth and seeking pleasure. Not only was she not willing to attend church gatherings, she also never prayed or ate and drank God’s words, and was reluctant to do duties. When the brothers and sisters and I fellowshipped with her about the significance of pursuing the truth and doing duties, she didn’t take it to heart at all. Not only did she not pursue the truth herself, but she would always tell me, “You don’t need to pursue the truth so diligently—just following along is enough.” When I didn’t listen to her, she would often lose her temper with me, which made me feel quite constrained. I knew I should truthfully write down my wife’s behavior, but when it came time to put pen to paper, I hesitated, thinking, “We have been married for almost ten years. Although my wife doesn’t pursue the truth, she has been quite nice to me and my parents. She is frugal when shopping for fine clothes for herself, but she is generous when shopping for me and my parents. Now that she is going to be cleared out, not only can I do nothing to help her, but I also have to expose her myself. It feels heart-wrenching. Besides, if my wife finds out that I am the one who exposes her behavior, she will surely resent me for being so heartless. How will I face her in the future?” Then I also thought, “Even though my wife doesn’t pursue the truth, she has never done anything evil, so keeping her in the church won’t do any harm. If she stays in the church, I can continue to write letters to her and help her, and she won’t completely leave God to pursue the world. Maybe there is still a slim chance she can survive. But if she knows she is to be cleared out, she may abandon herself to despair, completely leave God and follow worldly trends.” Thinking of this, I found myself caught in a dilemma—on one side was family affection, and on the other were the interests of the church. Which was I to choose? During those days, I just wanted to avoid the whole issue, so I buried myself in my work. But whenever I finished work and calmed down, I would think of this, “Will the leaders think I’m overly sentimental if they notice that I still haven’t written the evaluation yet? Moreover, one’s personal attitude and stance on the church’s cleansing work are crucial. Failing to adhere to principles and safeguard the church’s work means taking Satan’s side.” With these thoughts in mind, I started to write the evaluation of my wife. But as I wrote, my affection resurfaced, and I thought, “If I write down all the details of my wife’s behavior as a disbeliever, she’ll definitely be cleared out. Maybe I’ll just keep it brief.” After writing the evaluation, I felt somewhat uneasy. “By doing this, am I not intentionally covering things up?” But then I thought, “At any rate, I’ve written it. Since the leaders are already aware of some of her behavior, it should be fine not to provide too much detail.” So, I handed my evaluation over to the leaders. A while later, the leaders wrote back, saying that I was being too vague about my wife’s behavior in my evaluation, and they asked me to rewrite it. I felt slightly guilty. I feared that writing too much detail would lead to my wife being cleared out, so I wanted to keep my evaluation brief and vague to just make do. But God scrutinizes everything. Was I not trying to deceive both myself and others by doing this? So I came before God to pray and reflect on myself.

During my reflection, I read a passage of God’s words: “All of you say you are considerate of God’s burden and will defend the testimony of the church, but who among you has really been considerate of God’s burden? Ask yourself: Are you someone who has shown consideration for His burden? Can you practice righteousness for Him? Can you stand up and speak for Me? Can you steadfastly put the truth into practice? Are you bold enough to fight against all of Satan’s deeds? Would you be able to set your feelings aside and expose Satan for the sake of My truth? Can you allow My intentions to be satisfied in you? Have you offered up your heart in the most crucial of moments? Are you someone who follows My will?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 13). Every question from God made me feel deeply ashamed. I have enjoyed so much watering and supply of God’s words, and I should have practiced the truth and exposed the disbelievers. But when it came to exposing my wife, I couldn’t bring myself to do it, and even resorted to deceit to cheat the leaders. I preferred to keep a disbeliever in the church rather than practice the truth. I was so selfish, with no loyalty to God. I was not someone who practiced the truth at all. Thinking of this, I felt quite remorseful. So, I came before God, confessed and repented, expressing the willingness to set aside my affection and practice the truth. Then I provided the church with detailed information about my wife’s behavior. In 2023, I learned that my wife had been cleared out from the church.

Later, I read some of God’s words about discerning disbelievers, and this helped me gain some discernment of my wife’s essence as a disbeliever. I realized that she never truly believed in God. Even when she believed in the Lord Jesus, she didn’t pursue. After her mother accepted God’s work of the last days, her mother tried many times to preach the gospel to her, but she was unwilling to accept it. She only ended up joining the church with me because of our marriage and my belief in God. However, she often told me that in believing in God it was fine to just follow along, that we didn’t need to pursue too much, and that making money should be the priority. That’s why she didn’t do much in her duties after she found God. After I frequently fellowshipped with her about the significance of doing our duties, she reluctantly agreed to host brothers and sisters for gatherings, but she was unwilling to stay home to keep them safe. Moreover, she often complained that I couldn’t provide her with a better material life. Although our family’s living conditions were quite good, with no shortage of food or necessities, she was still dissatisfied and wanted to live in a better house. Seeing that I believed in God and couldn’t meet her demands, she said several times that she didn’t want to continue her faith anymore. But whenever encountering something unfortunate, she would immediately become zealous, praying and making offerings. When the annoyances passed, she would revert to her old ways. It was clear that her faith was entirely for the sake of gaining blessings. She also had many notions about God and would often spread them in front of me, telling me not to pursue my faith too diligently and not to leave home to do my duties. When I advised her to seek the truth when faced with things, she just dismissed it, claiming she understood everything but just couldn’t put it into practice. Seeing this, I realized she is indeed a disbeliever who is averse to the truth. Only after I had some discernment of my wife did I understand that I had been living in affection these years. That’s why I kept trying to support and help her, hoping to keep her in the church. This was all because of my excessive affection.

Later, I read a passage of God’s words: “Some people place great stock in feelings, they react to whatever happens to them based on their feelings; in their hearts, they know full well this is wrong, and yet are still incapable of being objective, much less of acting according to principle. When people are always constrained by feelings, are they capable of practicing the truth? This is extremely difficult! Many people’s inability to practice the truth comes down to feelings; they regard feelings as especially important, they put them in the first place. Are they people who love the truth? Certainly not. What are feelings, in essence? They are a kind of corrupt disposition. The manifestations of feelings can be described using several words: favoritism, unprincipled protection of others, maintenance of physical relationships, and partiality; these are what feelings are. What are the likely consequences of people’s having feelings and living by them? Why does God most loathe people’s feelings? Some people are always constrained by their feelings, they cannot put the truth into practice, and though they wish to submit to God, they cannot, so they feel tormented by their feelings. There are many people who understand the truth but cannot put it into practice; this, too, is because they are constrained by feelings” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. What Is the Truth Reality?). God’s words exposed my exact state. When providing information about my wife’s behavior as a disbeliever, I clearly knew that she consistently didn’t pursue the truth, that she refused to attend gatherings, never prayed or ate and drank God’s words, and that she was unwilling to do any duty. Instead, she only pursued money and worldly pleasures. Moreover, her humanity wasn’t good, and if someone offended her, she would curse them with the vilest language, behaving just like a nonbeliever. I knew I should expose my wife’s behavior, but I’d been wholly dwelling in my affection. I thought that as long as she wasn’t cleared out, she could remain in the church as a service-doer. Otherwise, she would completely lose the chance of being saved. So when writing the evaluation, I was deliberately brief and vague about her behavior in an attempt to bluff past the leaders. Reflecting on my actions, I realized how selfish and despicable I’d been. If the leaders hadn’t discovered my problem and pointed it out in time, I’d have continued to dwell in my affection and shield my wife. If she’d remained in the church, she would have continued to spread her notions about God, disturbing others, and if the brothers and sisters didn’t have discernment of her, they’d be liable to be misled by her fallacies. In addition, although she hosted the brothers and sisters for gatherings, she didn’t shelter them in our home, making it difficult for them to calm themselves in gatherings. Now I finally saw that by sentimentally shielding and protecting my wife, I was allowing a disbeliever to disrupt and disturb the church. This showed that I was acting as one of Satan’s servants and committing evil deeds!

Later, I reflected on myself further, asking myself, “If I kept my wife in the church out of good intentions, could I really help her attain salvation and survive? Would acting in this way be in line with God’s intention?” Then I came across a passage of God’s words: “Those who drag their utterly nonbelieving children and relatives into church are all extremely selfish, and they are just exhibiting kindness. These people only focus on being loving, regardless of whether they believe or not and regardless of whether it is God’s intention. Some bring their wives before God, or drag their parents before God, and whether or not the Holy Spirit agrees with this or is working in them, they blindly continue to ‘adopt talented people’ for God. What benefit can possibly be gained from extending kindness toward these nonbelievers? Even if they, who are without the presence of the Holy Spirit, struggle to follow God, they still cannot be saved as one might believe. Those who can receive salvation are not actually so easy to obtain. People who have not undergone the Holy Spirit’s work and trials, and have not been perfected by God incarnate, are utterly incapable of being made complete. Therefore, from the moment they begin to nominally follow God, those people lack the Holy Spirit’s presence. In light of their conditions and actual states, they simply cannot be made complete. As such, the Holy Spirit decides not to expend much energy upon them, nor does He provide any enlightenment or guide them in any way; He merely allows them to follow along, and will ultimately reveal their outcomes—this is enough. Humanity’s enthusiasm and intentions come from Satan, and in no way can these things complete the Holy Spirit’s work. No matter what people are like, they must have the work of the Holy Spirit. Can humans make humans complete? Why does a husband love his wife? Why does a wife love her husband? Why are children dutiful to their parents? Why do parents dote on their children? What sorts of intentions do people actually harbor? Is their intent not to satisfy their own plans and selfish desires? Do they truly mean to act for the sake of God’s management plan? Are they really acting for the sake of God’s work? Is their intent to fulfill the duties of a created being? Those who, ever since the moment they began to believe in God, have been unable to attain the presence of the Holy Spirit, can never gain the work of the Holy Spirit; these people are decidedly objects to be destroyed. No matter how much love one has for them, it cannot replace the work of the Holy Spirit. People’s enthusiasm and love represent human intentions, but cannot represent God’s intentions, and nor can they be a substitute for God’s work. Even if one extends the greatest possible amount of love or mercy toward those people who nominally believe in God and pretend to follow Him without knowing what it actually means to believe in God, they will still not obtain God’s sympathy, nor will they gain the work of the Holy Spirit. Even if people who sincerely follow God are of poor caliber and unable to understand a lot of truths, they can still occasionally gain the work of the Holy Spirit; however, those who are of considerably good caliber, but do not sincerely believe, simply cannot gain the Holy Spirit’s presence. There is absolutely no possibility for salvation with such people. Even if they read God’s words or occasionally listen to sermons, or even sing praises to God, they will ultimately not be able to survive until the time of rest” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. God and Man Will Enter Into Rest Together). Through God’s words, I came to understand that whether a person can embark on the path of pursuing the truth and ultimately be saved and survive doesn’t depend on the help or support of others. It’s not simply a matter of staying in the church without leaving that gives one hope for survival. Rather, it depends on the person’s attitude toward God and toward the truth, as well as whether they can gain the work and perfection of the Holy Spirit in their personal pursuit. From the beginning, my wife never sincerely believed in God. She never intended to fulfill her duties to satisfy God, and she never submitted to the arrangements of the church. Even when she reluctantly hosted the brothers and sisters for gatherings, she did not shoulder any responsibility. No matter how much the church leaders fellowshipped with her, she never changed her ways. She even mentioned several times that she didn’t want to believe in God anymore. With such a deep aversion to the truth, even if I forced her to stay in the church, the Holy Spirit would not work in her. If that were the case, wouldn’t all my efforts be in vain? My desire to keep my wife in the church was driven by my personal affection and selfishness. Not only would such actions be ineffective, but they could also lead to offending God’s disposition due to my affection. I remembered that one of the Ten Administrative Decrees of the Age of Kingdom states: “Kin who are not of the faith (your children, your husband or wife, your sisters or your parents, and so on) should not be forced into the church. God’s household is not short of members, and there is no need to make up its numbers with people who have no use. All those who do not believe gladly must not be led into the church. This decree is directed at all people. You should check, monitor, and remind each other of this matter; no one may violate it. Even when kin who are not of the faith do reluctantly enter the church, they must not be issued books nor given a new name; such people are not of God’s household, and their entry into the church must be halted by any means necessary. If trouble is brought upon the church due to the invasion of demons, then you yourself will be expelled or will have restrictions placed upon you. In short, everyone has a responsibility in this matter, though you should not be reckless, nor use it to settle personal scores” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Ten Administrative Decrees That Must Be Obeyed by God’s Chosen People in the Age of Kingdom). The administrative decree clearly states that for nonbelieving family members, we should not force them into the church. Even if such people enter the church, God doesn’t acknowledge them. This is a decree that every believer should follow. However, I ignored God’s administrative decree and tried to keep my wife in the church out of affection. The church is a place where the brothers and sisters worship God and do their duties; it doesn’t allow the disturbances of disbelievers, antichrists, or evil people. Since my wife is averse to the truth and essentially a disbeliever, her remaining in the church would undoubtedly disrupt and disturb both church work and church life. My attempt to keep a disbeliever in the church based on personal affection—how could that possibly align with God’s intention?

Later, I read another passage of God’s words, and had some understanding of the root of my sentimental approach to matters. Almighty God says: “If a person is someone who denies and opposes God, who is cursed by God, but they are a parent or relative of yours, they don’t appear to be an evil person as far as you can tell, and they treat you well, then you might find yourself unable to hate that person, and might even remain in close contact with them, your relationship unchanged. Hearing that God hates such people will trouble you, and you are unable to stand on the side of God and ruthlessly reject them. You’re always constrained by feelings, and you cannot fully let go of them. What is the reason for this? This happens because your feelings are too strong, and they hinder you from practicing the truth. That person is good to you, so you can’t bring yourself to hate them. You could only hate them if they did hurt you. Would that hatred be in line with the truth principles? Also, you’re bound by traditional notions, thinking that they are a parent or relative, so if you hate them, you would be scorned by society and reviled by public opinion, condemned as unfilial, without a conscience, and not even human. You think you would suffer divine condemnation and punishment. Even if you want to hate them, your conscience won’t let you. Why does your conscience function this way? It’s because a way of thinking has been sown within you since you were a child, through the inheritance of your family, the education given to you by your parents, and the indoctrination of traditional culture. This way of thinking is rooted very deeply in your heart, and it makes you mistakenly believe that filial piety is perfectly natural and justified, and that anything inherited from your ancestors is always good. You learned it first and it remains dominant, creating a great stumbling block and disturbance in your faith and acceptance of the truth, leaving you unable to put God’s words into practice, and to love what God loves, hate what God hates. … Satan uses this kind of traditional culture and notions of morality to bind your thoughts, your mind, and your heart, leaving you unable to accept God’s words; you have been possessed by these things of Satan, and rendered incapable of accepting God’s words. When you want to practice God’s words, these things cause disturbance within you, cause you to oppose the truth and God’s requirements, and make you powerless to rid yourself of the yoke of traditional culture. After struggling for a while, you compromise: You prefer to believe traditional notions of morality are correct and in line with the truth, and so you reject or forsake God’s words. You do not accept God’s words as the truth and you think nothing of being saved, feeling that you still live in this world, and can only survive by relying on these people. Unable to endure society’s recrimination, you would rather choose to give up the truth and God’s words, abandoning yourself to traditional notions of morality and the influence of Satan, preferring to offend God and not practice the truth. Tell Me, is man not pitiful? Do they not have need of God’s salvation?” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Recognizing One’s Own Misguided Views Can One Truly Transform). God’s words exposed the root of the sentimental way in which I acted. When it came to providing details about my wife’s behavior as a disbeliever, I didn’t discern or expose her based on her essence or her attitude toward God and the truth. Instead, I only focused on the fact that she was usually good to me and cared for my parents. Consequently, I dwelled in my affection, and tried to shield and protect her. Although I knew she was a disbeliever and that her case was in line with the principles that justified her being cleared out from the church, letting me stick to principles and expose her and even look on as she was cleared out from the church, would make me feel uneasy, as if my conscience wouldn’t allow it. I even felt that if I exposed my wife, I’d be letting her down, and I was afraid that if she found out I was the one who exposed her, she would resent me for being cold and heartless. I had adopted such satanic philosophies as “Blood is thicker than water” and “Man is not inanimate; how can he be free from feelings” as principles of conduct. Bound by these thoughts, I felt an invisible pressure. I didn’t care whether this person was a disbeliever, or how much harm this person would cause to the church’s work and the brothers and sisters if they remained in the church. I just thought that so long as this person was a relative of mine, I couldn’t expose them. I even felt compelled to cover for them, going against my conscience, and I worried that if I didn’t do this, people would call me heartless. I finally saw that the sayings “Blood is thicker than water” and “Man is not inanimate; how can he be free from feelings?” weren’t principles of conduct at all, and that conducting myself based on these satanic poisons would only lead me to dwell in affection and become unable to discern right from wrong.

In July 2023, I received a letter from my mother-in-law, saying that my wife wanted to file for divorce at the court. I really wanted to go home to preserve our marriage, but after reading some of God’s words specifically related to my state, I realized that my wife and I are of different kinds and not on the same path. If we live together, the only outcome will be endless suffering. Moreover, I have experienced God’s guidance and blessings while doing my duties away from home over the past few years. I recognized that only pursuing the truth is the right path in life. So, I decided to abandon the idea of returning home. Thank God for guiding me to let go of my affection!