By Zhao Yang, China

One day in October 2023, the leader arranged for me to create a backdrop image. When I saw the image had high requirements, I was worried that I might not do it well and delay things, so I didn’t dare slack off while making it. I carefully reviewed the relevant principles and prayed to God whenever I encountered difficulties. A week later, the backdrop was completed. After checking it, the leader only pointed out a couple of minor details and said that the image had turned out pretty well. I was very happy and thought about how I hadn’t expected to finish such a difficult image so quickly, how the leader would be sure to think I was technically skilled, responsible and had a sense of burden in my duties, and that I could complete tasks assigned to me in a down-to-earth way. After this, the leader had me make two more backdrop images, which I also completed in good time. The results of these were also quite good. I began to feel pretty smug, thinking, “Last month, the results of my duty weren’t so great, but after the leader fellowshipped with me, the quality of my images immediately improved, and my efficiency increased, so now the leader should have a better impression of me.” Soon after, the experiential testimony article and gospel sermon I wrote were also selected. I was overjoyed, thinking, “Seems like I’m not only getting good results with my images, but I also have some truth realities. If the brothers and sisters who know me find out, they’re sure to see me in a new light. The leader’s evaluation of me will also improve greatly.” Although I didn’t appear to be showing off in an obvious way, I had a persistent sense of superiority within me, feeling like my worth had suddenly jumped.

One time, a sister who was cooperating with me said, “With your work capabilities, you should be promoted, but the work here needs you more, and the duty you’re doing isn’t something just anyone can step into to replace you.” I was delighted to hear this, as if I had been crowned with a halo, thinking, “Although I’m not a leader, I still have some weight in the hearts of the brothers and sisters.” Just as I was enjoying this sense of superiority, I suddenly thought, “If my next image isn’t selected, will the brothers and sisters still look up to me?” I felt an indescribable sense of worry, thinking that the results of my duties could only go up and not down, because if they were to slip, my halo would disappear. I told myself, “I have to keep working hard, this month’s image has to be selected, and I have to continue writing valuable experiential testimonies. This way, I can maintain my current halo.” After that, whatever I did, I kept thinking about how to satisfy the leader and gain the high regard of the brothers and sisters. One time, the leader wrote to inquire about the progress of the work and the performance of the brothers’ and sisters’ duties, and when I realized I wasn’t familiar with their work, I quickly dropped my own duty to find out so that the leader would see that I had a sense of burden and was a responsible person. The leader asked me why I hadn’t written any sermons recently, and I thought, “I’d better find time to write something, quickly. If I don’t, will the leader think I don’t have the sense of burden I used to have? Won’t that ruin my good image in her eyes?” During that time, I always felt like I didn’t have enough time, and I was always worried that if I didn’t complete the leader’s requests on time, she would think poorly of me. I was busy every day, and my devotionals became irregular, and sometimes, after a busy day, I didn’t even notice my own corrupt revelations or know what lessons I should learn. When making images, I was worried about what to do if the current one didn’t turn out as well as the previous ones. Sometimes, to achieve better results, I’d find myself all tangled up, pondering for a long time and still unable to make a decision. Over time, my thinking became less clear when making images, and I’d feel puzzled, wondering why it had become so difficult to do my duty. Why wasn’t my mind as sharp as before?

After a gathering, I talked about my state with a sister. Thanks to the sister’s reminder, I reflected and realized that during this time, I had been constantly afraid that the effectiveness of my duty would slip, worried that my good image in the brothers’ and sisters’ hearts would be lost, so I kept trying to maintain my halo. I recalled that God had exposed such states, so I looked up God’s words to read. God says: “Many people who achieve some success in a certain field in the secular world and become famous have their heads clouded by fame and gain, and they start to think highly of themselves. In fact, the admiration, praise, affirmation, and recognition other people give you are only temporary honors. They do not represent life, nor do they in the slightest mean that one is walking the correct path. They are nothing more than temporary honors and glories. What are these glories? Are they real or empty? (Empty.) They are like shooting stars, they flash by and disappear. After people obtain such glories, honors, applause, laurels, and praise, they still have to return to real life and live as they ought to live. Some people are unable to see this and wish for these things to stay with them forever, which is unrealistic. People wish to live in this kind of environment and atmosphere on account of how it makes them feel; they want to enjoy this feeling forever. If they are unable to enjoy it, then they begin to take the wrong path. Some use various methods such as drinking and drug abuse to numb themselves: This is how humans living in Satan’s world approach fame and gain. Once a person becomes famous and receives some glory, they are prone to losing their direction, and they do not know how they should act, nor what they should do. They have their head in the clouds and cannot come down—this is dangerous. Have you ever been in such a state or displayed such behavior? (Yes.) What causes this? It is because people have corrupt dispositions: They are too vain, too arrogant, they cannot withstand temptation or praise, and they do not pursue the truth or understand it. They think that they are unique simply because of a small achievement or glory that they receive; they think that they have become a great person or a superhero. They think it would be a crime not to think highly of themselves in the face of all this fame, gain, and glory. People who do not understand the truth are liable to think highly of themselves at any time or place. When they start thinking too highly of themselves, is it easy for them to come back down again? (No.) People with a little sense don’t think highly of themselves for no reason. When they have yet to achieve anything, have nothing to offer, and no one in the group pays them any attention, they can’t think highly of themselves even if they wanted to. They may be a little arrogant and narcissistic, or they might feel they are somewhat talented, and better than others, but they are not liable to think highly of themselves. Under what circumstances do people think highly of themselves? When other people praise them for some achievement. They think that they are better than others, that other people are ordinary and unremarkable, that they alone are someone with status, and not in the same class or on the same level as other people, that they are higher than them. This is how they get above themselves” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Principles That Should Guide One’s Conduct). After reading this passage of God’s words, I felt a deep conviction that it was describing my state. God says that when people achieve some success or gain some fame, they start to enjoy honor and a halo, and they even want to keep hold of it and forever relish the feeling of being looked up to by others. This is how people, after being corrupted by Satan, view fame and status. This made me think of the many celebrities in the world of nonbelievers who, after becoming famous, do everything they can to sculpt their image and package themselves, all to gain more admiration and praise from others. Wasn’t this exactly how I had been? Ever since the images I made and the articles I wrote were selected, and the leader and brothers and sisters around me praised me, I started to feel all puffed up, and that my worth had suddenly increased, as if I became a celebrity, standing out from the crowd, and I began to enjoy this praise and admiration from brothers and sisters. I even worried that if I didn’t keep doing my duty well, my good image in the eyes of the brothers and sisters would vanish. To preserve this honor and halo, I was constantly thinking about how to gain the leader’s praise in my duties. I was wholly pursuing fame and status and walking a path of resisting God. It was no surprise that I couldn’t gain God’s guidance, and my mind wasn’t clear as it turned out I had been on the wrong path. My heart had long since drifted from God, causing God to loathe me and hide His face from me.

Afterward, I continued to reflect on my problems. I read some of God’s words: “Satan uses fame and gain to control man’s thoughts, until all people can think of is fame and gain. They struggle for fame and gain, suffer hardships for fame and gain, endure humiliation for fame and gain, sacrifice everything they have for fame and gain, and they will make any judgment or decision for the sake of fame and gain. In this way, Satan binds people with invisible shackles, and they have neither the strength nor the courage to throw them off. They unknowingly bear these shackles and trudge ever onward with great difficulty. For the sake of this fame and gain, mankind shuns God and betrays Him and becomes increasingly wicked. In this way, therefore, one generation after another is destroyed in the midst of Satan’s fame and gain” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VI). “Satan uses a very mild kind of method, a method very much in concert with people’s notions, which is not at all radical, through which it causes people to unknowingly accept its way of living, its rules to live by, and to establish life goals and their direction in life, and unknowingly they also come to have ambitions in life. No matter how grand these life ambitions may seem, they are inextricably linked to ‘fame’ and ‘gain.’ Everything that any great or famous person—all people, in fact—follow in life relates only to these two words: ‘fame’ and ‘gain.’ People think that once they have fame and gain, they can then capitalize on those things to enjoy high status and great wealth, and to enjoy life. They think fame and gain are a kind of capital that they can use to obtain a life of pleasure-seeking and wanton enjoyment of the flesh. For the sake of this fame and gain which mankind so covets, people willingly, albeit unknowingly, hand over their bodies, minds, all that they have, their futures and their destinies, to Satan. They do so genuinely and without even a moment’s hesitation, ever ignorant of the need to recover all that they have handed over. Can people retain any control over themselves once they have taken refuge in Satan in this way and become loyal to it? Certainly not. They are completely and utterly controlled by Satan. They have completely and utterly sunk into a quagmire, and are unable to free themselves. Once someone is mired in fame and gain, they no longer seek that which is bright, that which is just, or those things that are beautiful and good. This is because the seductive power that fame and gain have over people is too great; they become things for people to pursue throughout their lives and even for all eternity without end. Is this not true?” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VI). Reflecting on God’s words I finally began to discern the ways Satan uses fame and gain to corrupt people. Satan uses methods that align with human notions to tempt and corrupt people, leading people to establish wrong views of life and gradually walk the path of wickedness. Ideas like “People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark,” “Man struggles upward; water flows downward,” and “A man leaves his name behind wherever he stays, just as a goose utters its cry wherever it flies” are instilled into people by Satan, making people seek to become someone superior, and someone who is esteemed and admired by others. To humans, this seems to align with their notions, because with prestige and status, one can gain others’ admiration and respect, and be endorsed and favored wherever they go, which are things that greatly satisfy one’s vanity. To achieve this goal, people work hard and struggle, competing for fame and gain, deceiving and scheming, and fighting tooth and nail. Satan uses fame and gain to corrupt people, luring them into the abyss of sin step by step. I reflected on my own behavior. Ever since my work had shown some results recently and received praise from the leader and brothers and sisters, I had thought I had a sense of burden and the truth realities, and I began to enjoy being esteemed and praised by others, hoping that this honor and halo could last forever. At the same time, I feared that if my effectiveness in my duties slipped someday, this honor and halo would disappear, and so I started doing my duties to be seen by others. My heart had long since lost its place for God, and I only pondered how to make others look up to me. Whether it was learning techniques or making images, everything I did was to show brothers and sisters that I was responsible and had a sense of burden in my duties, and thereby maintain my status in their hearts. I read some of God’s words: “If, in your heart, you are still fixated on prestige and status, still preoccupied with showing off and making others look up to you, then you are not someone who pursues the truth, and you are walking down the wrong path. What you pursue is not the truth, nor is it the life, but the things that you love, it is fame, gain, and status—in which case, nothing you do relates to the truth, it is all evildoing, and laboring. If, in your heart, you love the truth, and always strive for the truth, if you pursue dispositional change, are able to achieve true submission to God, and can fear God and shun evil, and if you are restrained in everything you do, and are able to accept God’s scrutiny, then your state will keep improving, and you will be someone who lives before God” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Good Behavior Does Not Mean One’s Disposition Has Changed). Pursuing fame and status to be admired by others is the path of Satan. Pursuing the truth, living before God, and fulfilling the duty of a created being is the way to live a life of value and meaning. I reflected on when I first made those challenging backdrop images. I focused on doing my duty well and prayed to God when I encountered difficulties, and I felt my heart was very close to God. But ever since I began working for fame and status, my heart had drifted further and further from God, and all day long, my thoughts weren’t about how to do my duty well to satisfy God, but rather how to make others admire me and how to keep my status from slipping. As a result, my thoughts became increasingly muddled, and not only did I fail to do my duty well, but my life was also harmed. Fame and gain are tools used by Satan to harm people and lead them away from God, and they would only lead me down the path of resisting God.

Later, I continued to seek and read these words of God: “Why do you treasure status so much? What benefits can you get from status? If status brought you disaster, difficulties, embarrassment, and pain, would you still treasure it? (No.) There are so many benefits that come from having status, things like envy, respect, esteem, and flattery from other people, as well as their admiration and reverence. There is also the sense of superiority and privilege that your status brings you, which gives you pride and a sense of self-worth. In addition, you can also enjoy things that others do not, such as the benefits of status and special treatment. These are the things you dare not even think of, and are what you have longed for in your dreams. Do you treasure these things? If status is merely hollow, with no real significance, and defending it serves no real purpose, is it not foolish to treasure it? If you can let go of things such as interests and enjoyments of the flesh, then fame, gain, and status will no longer tie you down. So, what has to be resolved first in order to resolve issues related to treasuring and pursuing status? First, see through to the nature of the problem of doing evil and engaging in trickery, concealment, and covering up, as well as declining the supervision, inquiries, and investigation of God’s house, in order to enjoy the benefits of status. Isn’t this blatant resistance and opposition against God? If you can see through to the nature and consequences of coveting the benefits of status, the problem of pursuing status will be resolved” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Eight: They Would Have Others Submit Only to Them, Not the Truth or God (Part Two)). Pondering God’s words, I understood why I pursued fame and status. The real reason I did this was to enjoy the benefits of status, and because I thought that with fame and status, I would receive respect and esteem from others, and that wherever I went, brothers and sisters would take me seriously. Ever since my images and articles kept getting selected one after another, and I saw the admiration and envy in the eyes of brothers and sisters, I felt very pleased with this feeling, and I was afraid that if my effectiveness slipped, I would no longer enjoy these things. As a created being, being able to do my duty in God’s house is God’s grace, but I wanted to use this to enjoy the benefits of status. This was truly shameless of me! I realized that the effectiveness of my work in creating images had been thanks to God’s enlightenment, that this skill was a gift from God, and that these results were thanks to the guidance of the principles of God’s house and the help of brothers and sisters, and I saw that all of these things were inseparable from God’s guidance. I had nothing to boast about or worth being admired for. Just because I had some effectiveness in my duty didn’t mean my worth had increased, nor did it mean I was without corruption or shortfalls. I was still me, just an ordinary person with many shortcomings, and I had to view this correctly. If there are problems in my duty, I should reflect on myself, summarize deviations, and learn from them. I don’t need to fear exposing my shortcomings or evade them, and I certainly don’t need to use human methods to cover them up. What I need to do is to conduct myself according to my station, and to put my all into fulfilling my responsibilities in my duties. Understanding these things, I felt a sense of ease and liberation sweep through me, and I no longer worried about how brothers and sisters saw me. I then prayed to God, “God, thank You for revealing me through this environment, otherwise I would not have recognized my problems. I am now willing to repent, stop focusing on how others view me, live before You, and do my duty well. If I pursue fame and status again, may Your discipline come upon me, so that I may come to my senses in time.”

In early January 2024, the leader arranged for me to touch up an image. This was a half-finished piece made by other brothers and sisters for me to revise, and I felt a bit nervous, thinking, “The leader is trusting me with this arrangement, so I have to do my best and not disappoint her.” I hoped to get it right in one go, to show the leader that I still had some capability. At this point, I realized that my state was wrong, and that I was still pursuing fame and status, so I prayed to God to rebel against my wrong intention, asking God to protect my heart and help me fulfill my responsibilities. I recalled a passage of God’s words: “God observes whether you conduct yourself in a manner befitting your station, and whether you are someone who does the duties of a created being well. He observes whether, in your performance of your duty, you put all your heart and effort into it under the inherent conditions God has given you, and whether you act according to principles and achieve the results God desires. If you can accomplish all of these things, God gives you full marks. If you don’t do things in accordance with God’s requirements, then despite the fact that you may make an effort and put in the work, if everything you do is to flaunt and show off yourself, and you are not doing your duty with all your heart and strength to satisfy God, nor doing things according to the truth principles, then your manifestations and revelations, your behavior, are detestable to God. Why does God detest them? God says you are not focusing on proper tasks, you haven’t put all your heart, strength, or mind into the performance of your duty, and you’re not following the right path” (The Word, Vol. 7. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). After reading God’s words, I understood that I should do my best according to the principles I understand. If I do my best and there are still deviations, the leader pointing out my shortcomings is their way of supplementing me, and I should amend them. With these things in mind, I didn’t feel nervous anymore, and I carefully thought about how to create the best effect with the image, praying to God and looking up information whenever there was anything I didn’t understand, and before long the image was completed. A few days later, I learned that the image had been selected, and I thanked God from the bottom of my heart. This change in me was the result of the guidance of God’s words.