By Logan, South Korea

I make videos in the church. As the workload increased, a few new brothers and sisters joined our team. The supervisor asked me to cultivate them in studying specialist skills and to coordinate and arrange their work properly. When I saw this arrangement, I felt a bit resistant, thinking, “Just handling my own tasks takes a lot of time and effort, and now I have to cultivate others? Won’t that take up even more time and energy? If this delays my own work and I can’t complete my scheduled tasks, what will the supervisor think of me? Will they say that I’m slacking off in my duties and that my work efficiency is worse than that of the newly arrived brothers and sisters? That’d be so humiliating! Over time, would the supervisor consider dismissing me because of the consistently poor results in my work? The supervisor cannot see how much work I do behind the scenes. The visible result of my work is how many videos I can make each month, but if I spend too much time and energy cultivating others and delay making my own videos, it just won’t be worth it.” No matter how I thought about it, I still kept feeling that I’d end up at a disadvantage. But then I thought about how I’d been practicing in this duty for a longer time and understood more principles, and that if I refused to shoulder this work, I’d be truly lacking in conscience. So, I reluctantly accepted it.

Afterward, when the brothers and sisters had problems with their work and came to me for discussions and solutions, I tried my best to help them. After some time, one sister was reassigned to another duty. During the post-stage checks, some issues were identified in a video she had made, and I needed to help address them. At the beginning, I was able to take it properly, but because the video had many issues, I had to spend a lot of time fixing them. I noticed that during that period, other brothers and sisters had already finished making several videos, while I hadn’t even completed one. This made me anxious. I thought, “These brothers and sisters have just started training. Cultivating them has already taken up a lot of my time. Now I have to deal with someone else’s issues that were left unaddressed. At this rate, I definitely won’t be able to complete my monthly quota. How will everyone look at me then? I need to focus more on my own videos.” So, I didn’t put much effort into revising the video made by that sister. Later, the supervisor checked the video and discovered many problems and asked me to revise it again. I felt very annoyed and even a bit wronged, thinking, “This is not my video. Why do you ask me to spend so much of my time revising it? This not only makes me go through quite a bit of extra effort but also delays my own work!” With this resistant attitude, I revised the video several times without achieving the desired effect. Eventually, the supervisor told me to stop working on it. At the time, although I felt a bit upset, I didn’t take it to heart. Instead, I thought, “It’s fine that I don’t need to revise it. This way, it won’t occupy too much of my time, and I can focus on my own work.” After that, I buried myself in my own work. When the brothers and sisters came to discuss their problems with me, I would only give them a brief, simple answer, without considering whether they understood or had a clear path forward. During that period, I was passive in doing my duties, lacking any burden, and the videos I made were always problematic. I felt very frustrated but didn’t reflect on myself. One day, a sister pointed out to me, “I’ve noticed you haven’t been putting your heart into the work at all lately, and you haven’t properly coordinated and arranged the work for the newly arrived brothers and sisters.” Hearing her words, I couldn’t help but argue, “I’ve got a lot on my plate too. How am I supposed to take care of every single aspect of work?” Seeing my resistance, the sister reminded me, saying, “You can’t just think about your own interests and delay the overall work.” I wanted to keep on arguing and complaining. But then I suddenly realized that this sister’s reminder came from God, and that I should accept it and reflect on myself. So, I didn’t say anything more. Afterward, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the sister was right. Since I’d accepted this work, I had to fulfill my responsibility and not just focus on my own interests. I also asked myself whether the reason I couldn’t feel God leading and guiding me and more problems were arising in my work was because my attitude toward my duties had provoked God’s detestation. I felt that carrying on like this was dangerous, so I prayed to God, “Oh God, Your good intentions were in the sister’s reminder today. I am willing to make amends and properly reflect on myself. Please enlighten me so that I can know myself.”

Later, I read a passage of God’s word: “Conscience and reason should both be components of a person’s humanity. These are both the most fundamental and most important. What kind of person is one who lacks conscience and does not have the reason of normal humanity? Generally speaking, they are a person who lacks humanity, a person of extremely poor humanity. Going into more detail, what manifestations of lost humanity does this person exhibit? Have a go at analyzing what characteristics are found in such people and what specific manifestations they present. (They are selfish and base.) Selfish and base people are perfunctory in their actions and stand aloof from anything that does not concern them personally. They do not consider the interests of God’s house, nor do they show consideration for God’s intentions. They take on no burden of performing their duties or testifying for God, and they have no sense of responsibility. What is it that they think about whenever they do something? Their first consideration is, ‘Will God know if I do this? Is it visible to other people? If other people don’t see that I expend all this effort and work industriously, and if God doesn’t see it either, then there is no use for my expending such effort or suffering for this.’ Is this not extremely selfish? It is also a base sort of intent. When they think and act in this way, is their conscience playing any role? Is their conscience accused in this? No, their conscience is not playing any role, and it is not accused” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. In Giving One’s Heart to God, One Can Obtain the Truth). From God’s words, I saw that for some people, when things befall them, they only consider their own interests, think about whether they can stand out, make a name for themselves, or benefit, and they are only willing to act if something benefits them, and if it doesn’t, they don’t consider it their problem, and they stand aloof and do it perfunctorily. They have no sense of burden or responsibility in their duties, and don’t consider the church work at all. Such people are selfish and despicable, and lack conscience and reason. After reading God’s words, I felt very upset. I was exactly the kind of person God exposes—extremely selfish. In everything I did, I only thought about myself, and I didn’t consider God’s intentions at all. The brothers and sisters had just started training in making videos, they hadn’t yet mastered the principles and skills, and they were taking longer to get the hang of things. If they relied on their own exploration, they were liable to deviate and use inefficient means, and since I’d been doing this duty for longer and understood some principles, helping them get familiar with the work and grasp the principles as soon as possible was my responsibility and duty. But I only cared about my own profits and losses, and I was afraid that spending time and energy cultivating others would delay my own work. If others made more videos than I did, not only would my pride be harmed, but I might also be pruned. So after thinking it over, I felt that this task was arduous and thankless, and deep down, I didn’t want to do it. When I saw that revising someone else’s video would take up a lot of my time, I felt resistant and annoyed, and I felt that it was something outside my work. Even if I did it well, it wouldn’t affect the results of my work, so I just focused on my own tasks and on making more high-quality videos to secure my position in the team, as this seemed more realistic. Therefore, I just made the rectifications in a perfunctory and hasty way, and as a result, the issues in the video weren’t addressed, and in the end, the supervisor told me to stop doing revisions. At the time, I didn’t feel any self-blame or upset. Rather, I felt like I had thrown off a burden, thinking I didn’t need to worry about delaying my own work anymore. Reflecting on my revelations, I realized how selfish I was, without any conscience or reason!

Later, I read a passage of God’s word and had some understanding of myself. Almighty God says: “Some people are always pursuing fame, gain, and self-interest. Whatever work the church arranges for them, they always deliberate, thinking, ‘Will this benefit me? If it will, I’ll do it; if it won’t, then I won’t.’ A person like this does not practice the truth—so can they perform their duty well? They most certainly cannot. Even if you have not done evil, you are still not a person who practices the truth. If you do not pursue the truth, do not love positive things, and whatever befalls you, you only care about your own reputation and status, your own self-interest, and what is good for you, then you are a person who is only driven by self-interest, and who is selfish and base. A person like this believes in God in order to gain something good or of benefit to them, not to obtain the truth or God’s salvation. Therefore, people of this sort are disbelievers. People who truly believe in God are those who can seek and practice the truth, as they recognize in their hearts that Christ is the truth, and that they should listen to God’s words and believe in God as He demands. If you wish to practice the truth when something happens to you, but consider your own reputation and status, and consider your own face, then doing so will be difficult. In a situation such as this, through prayer, seeking, and reflecting on themselves and becoming self-aware, those who love the truth will be able to let go of what is in their own self-interest or good for them, practice the truth, and submit to God. Such people are those who truly believe in God and love the truth. And what is the consequence when people always think of their own self-interest, when they are always trying to protect their own pride and vanity, when they reveal a corrupt disposition yet do not seek the truth to fix it? It is that they have no life entry, it is that they lack true experiential testimony. And this is dangerous, is it not? If you never practice the truth, if you have no experiential testimony, then in due course you will be revealed and eliminated. What use do people without experiential testimony have in the house of God? They are bound to do any duty poorly, and be unable to do anything properly. Are they not just garbage?” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). I was in exactly this state—when doing my duties, I only considered my own interests. When I saw that cultivating others and helping them solve problems in their work requires thorough consideration and a lot of time, I felt it would delay my own work progress and harm my pride and status, so I became unwilling to pay a price to help others. When the brothers and sisters encountered problems in their work and came to seek my help, I didn’t want to bother with them, and I’d just give a perfunctory answer to brush them off. When there were continuous issues with someone else’s video that I revised, I didn’t seek principles for solutions, but instead just wanted to push the video out as quickly as possible. What I’d revealed and my behavior were no different from nonbelievers’. Nonbelievers only consider their own interests and won’t lift a finger unless there’s something in it for them. They grab at anything that benefits them, applying extreme approaches to take advantage of it, even if it means harming others’ interests. But if something doesn’t benefit them, they won’t bother with it and will push it away if they can. They seek nothing but profit. Although I believed in God, read God’s words every day, and did my duties, I didn’t have a place for God in my heart. When things befell me, I didn’t seek the truth or practice the truth; I only considered whether my pride would be harmed and whether I could protect my personal interests. My thoughts and actions were all centered on maximizing my own benefits, as if whether the church work suffers losses has nothing to do with me. I was not even worthy of being called a member of God’s house. With such an attitude toward my duties, even if I complete my tasks on time each month, it would be impossible to receive God’s approval. I would only provoke God’s detestation and hatred. Thinking of this, I started to feel scared, realizing that continuing like this will be very dangerous for me.

Then I read two more passages of God’s words that deeply moved me. God says: “What is the standard by which a person’s actions and behavior are judged to be good or evil? It is whether or not they, in their thoughts, revelations, and actions, possess the testimony of putting the truth into practice and of living out the truth reality. If you do not have this reality or live this out, then without doubt, you are an evildoer. How does God regard evildoers? To God, your thoughts and external acts do not bear testimony for Him, nor do they humiliate and defeat Satan; instead, they bring shame to Him, and they are riddled with marks of the dishonor that you have brought upon Him. You are not testifying for God, you are not expending yourself for God, nor are you fulfilling your responsibilities and obligations to God; instead, you are acting for your own sake. What does ‘for your own sake’ mean? To be precise, it means for Satan’s sake. Therefore, in the end, God will say, ‘Depart from Me, you that work iniquity.’ In God’s eyes, your actions will not be seen as good deeds, they will be considered evil deeds. Not only will they fail to gain God’s approval—they will be condemned. What does one hope to gain from such a belief in God? Would such belief not come to naught in the end?” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Disposition). “If you do not perform your duty well, but always try to distinguish yourself, and always try to compete for status, to stand out and shine, fighting for your reputation and interests, then while living in this state, are you not just a laborer? You can labor if you want to, but it is possible that you will be revealed before your laboring is done. When people are revealed, their day of being condemned and eliminated arrives. Is it possible to reverse that outcome? It is not easy; it could be that God has already determined their outcome, in which case, they are in trouble. People usually commit transgressions, reveal corrupt dispositions, and make a few small mistakes, or they satisfy their selfish desires, speak with ulterior motives, and engage in deception, but so long as they do not disrupt or disturb the work of the church, or make a huge mess of things, or offend God’s disposition, or cause any obviously adverse results, then they will still have a chance to repent. But if they commit some great evil or cause a big catastrophe, can they still redeem themselves? It is very dangerous for a person who believes in God and performs a duty to get to this point” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Disposition). After reading God’s words, I gained a clearer understanding of my problems. Outwardly, I was doing my duties and paying a price, and I also wanted to make more videos quickly. But my intentions and motives were not to practice the truth and satisfy God; they were to maintain my own pride and status, to gain others’ admiration, and to win the approval of the supervisor. Therefore, as for the tasks that could make me show my face and yield results that the supervisor could see, I put a lot of effort into them. However, when it came to tasks where I could not stand out, even if they were crucial and important to the church, I was reluctant to do them, and even if I did do them, it was in a perfunctory manner. In doing my duties, I only considered how others viewed me, and only sought to please people and to account for myself to them. I didn’t care whether the church work was being delayed. I was not fulfilling the duty of a created being but was carrying out my own enterprise. The essence of how I was doing my duty was actually doing evil! At this point, it became even clearer to me that the reason I had been making so many mistakes in my duties recently was that my attitude toward my duty was detestable to God, and the Holy Spirit was not working in me, causing my mind to become muddled, and I couldn’t see through issues. I couldn’t even fully understand the suggestions from the brothers and sisters. I acted like a big fool—numb and stupid, with a dark and sinking heart—sustained only by enthusiasm and willpower to keep working. Because the videos I made constantly needed to be redone, the brothers and sisters had to put down their own work and spend a lot of time helping me. Not only did I fail to fulfill my duty, but I also wasted their time. As a result, I imperceptibly delayed the progress of the work. Moreover, when revising the video that the sister had worked so hard on, due to my irresponsibility, I not only failed to make proper revisions but also created more problems than before. My work was counterproductive! I used to think that only antichrists and evil people commit evil acts and disrupt and disturb the church work, and that I would never behave like them. But now it has been proven that these were just my own notions and imaginings. When I pursued fame, status, and personal interests in my duties, I couldn’t help myself but disrupt the church work and end up doing evil. Only by pursuing the truth and addressing corrupt dispositions can I achieve results in my duties. So, I prayed to God, asking Him to guide me in resolving my corrupt dispositions.

Later, I read another passage of God’s words and found the path to practice. God says: “Those who are capable of putting the truth into practice can accept God’s scrutiny in the things they do. When you accept God’s scrutiny, your heart will be set straight. If you only ever do things for others to see, and always want to gain others’ praise and admiration, and you do not accept God’s scrutiny, then is God still in your heart? Such people have no God-fearing hearts. Do not always do things for your own sake and do not constantly consider your own interests; do not consider the interests of man, and give no thought to your own pride, reputation, and status. You must first consider the interests of God’s house, and make them your priority. You should be considerate of God’s intentions and begin by contemplating whether or not there have been impurities in the performance of your duty, whether you have been loyal, fulfilled your responsibilities, and given it your all, as well as whether or not you have been wholeheartedly thinking about your duty and the work of the church. You must consider these things. If you think about them frequently and figure them out, it will be easier for you to perform your duty well” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Disposition). From this passage of God’s words, I realized that it is crucial to practice the truth and accept God’s scrutiny when we do our duties. When faced with situations that involve personal interests, we should consciously rebel against our own thoughts, and not consider our own pride and status. Instead, we should pray to God, and consider how to act in a way that satisfies God and benefits the church work. Then we should seek the truth principles and practice and enter into them. I remember that when I first started doing my duties, I was unable to grasp the principles, but through God’s enlightenment and guidance, as well as my brothers’ and sisters’ practical help and guidance, I gradually came to understand some of the principles and skills related to video making. This was all God’s love. Now, some brothers and sisters had just started to practice doing their duties and hadn’t yet grasped the principles. I should have been considering God’s intentions and teaching them everything I understood and had grasped. This was the basic responsibility I should have fulfilled. Moreover, once they came to understand the principles and started getting results in their duties, the overall effectiveness of the church’s work would improve, and this was far more valuable and efficient than just doing my own work. The supervisor assigning me the task of cultivating brothers and sisters to learn specialist skills was also based on an assessment of the situation of my duties. I’d been doing this duty for a longer time and I was relatively familiar with the work process and skills, so while doing well in my own work, it won’t be a problem for me to also coordinate and schedule some time to help the brothers and sisters resolve the issues in their work. Moreover, during my cooperation, if I found that I truly could not shoulder the work due to insufficient work capability or caliber, leading to delays or impacts on my work, I could honestly report this to the supervisor, allowing the supervisor to make reasonable adjustments based on the needs of the work. But I was too selfish and despicable, unwilling to spend time on others’ work, so I was always resistant, unwilling to cooperate properly, thus delaying the work. Realizing all this, I corrected my mindset and proactively looked into the problems in everyone’s work, and we sought solutions together when faced with difficulties.

Once, a brother encountered some difficulties when he made a video and asked for my help. But I also had work on hand, so I began to feel conflicted, thinking, “The brother’s video is urgent, and I know I should help him finish it first, but the production involved in his video is really complicated and will require a lot of time and effort. Even if his video turns out really well, no one will know that I helped him with it, and it’ll delay my own work.” I then realized I was considering my own interests again. So I prayed to God and rebelled against myself. Since the brother’s video was urgent, I had to prioritize it and help him complete it first. With this in mind, I put aside my own work and helped the brother with his video. By practicing this way, I felt at ease in my heart. In truth, while cultivating others, I also gained a lot. Although I’d been doing this duty for longer, I still only had a superficial understanding of many truth principles, and I often held to regulations without flexibility, and when others encountered problems in their work and sought my help, I often couldn’t see through them to provide a solution. By praying to God and fellowshipping and exploring these issues with brothers and sisters, I unwittingly gained an increasingly clear and more profound understanding of certain principles, and my skills in making videos also improved. Previously, I always dragged my feet when doing my duties, with no desire to make progress. I did not pay enough attention to summarizing deviations in the work and seeking principles to resolve them. Through the supervisor’s arrangement for me to cultivate the brothers and sisters in their skills, I began to constantly seek and ponder how to help them solve problems. I also developed a sense of burden in doing my duties, shifting away from an attitude of being content with the status quo and not striving for improvement. It is through doing this duty that I have achieved these realizations and made some gains. Thank God!