By Tong Yu, China

Since childhood, I’d had a frail constitution and was always sickly, which made me long for a healthy body. In March 2012, I was fortunate to accept God’s work of the last days. A few months later, I noticed that I wasn’t catching colds or having fevers as often as before; even my migraines and cervical spondylosis had improved. My heart was filled with gratitude toward God, and I became even more motivated in forsaking things and expending myself. At that time, I was a church leader, and in order to do the church’s work well, I ignored my family’s obstruction and opposition, and worked tirelessly from dawn to dusk doing my duty.

One day in May 2020, I noticed some discomfort in my neck. It felt stiff when I turned it from side to side and made a “crunching” sound. After sitting for a bit longer, my head started to feel dizzy, and my right arm began to ache and go numb, making it difficult to grip things easily. Initially, I didn’t pay much attention to it, thinking that after I had started believing in God, not only had He taken away my previous ailments, but He had also improved my overall constitution. Since I was now devoting myself full-time to my duty, I believed that God would protect me and not let my condition worsen. I thought that by correcting my usual sitting posture and properly exercising, it wouldn’t be a big deal. However, little did I expect that, two months later, not only did my cervical spondylosis not improve, but it got worse. My head frequently hurt and felt dizzy, my eyes became dry and uncomfortable, and my right shoulder was painful and numb, making it difficult even to use chopsticks. I began to worry that my condition would worsen. If one side of my body were to fail on me and become paralyzed, how could I continue doing my duty? Wouldn’t that mean I’d lose my chance of receiving God’s salvation? Then I thought of a sister I used to work with who had to stop doing her duty and return home for treatment because her cervical spondylosis had become severe. But not long after I’d left home to do my duty, I’d been betrayed by a Judas. If my condition became so severe that I couldn’t do my duty, what would I do since I couldn’t go home and dared not go to the hospital for treatment? The more I thought about it, the more upset I became, and I couldn’t help but start grumbling about it, thinking, “In the past few years that I’ve believed in God, I’ve forsaken family and career in doing my duty, and suffered a fair few hardships. Why doesn’t God watch over and protect me? Why has He allowed me to suffer from illness again?” I thought, “Even though I can’t go to the hospital for treatment, I can’t just sit by and let my condition worsen! I need to find a way to treat myself. Otherwise, as my condition worsens, not only will I suffer more, but I also won’t be able to do my duty anymore, and what will happen then?” Afterward, I started thinking about different ways to treat my illness. Besides trying cupping,^[a] gua sha,^[b] and moxibustion,^[c] I also searched everywhere for remedies to treat cervical spondylosis. During that time, my mind was entirely focused on how to cure my illness, and I no longer felt any burden for my duty. I failed to follow up on various tasks, and when work was busy and required overtime until late into the night, I outwardly did my duty but felt resistant inside, fearing that overexertion would worsen my condition.

In May 2022, one morning, as I went downstairs for breakfast, I suddenly felt a distinct heaviness in my right leg and right shoulder. My right leg felt so weak that I could barely lift it, and I had to drag it along as I walked. In an instant I became anxious, wondering if I was truly becoming paralyzed down one side. I got very scared, thinking, “If I end up paralyzed, I really will be unable to do my duty, and then what would happen to my hopes for salvation and entering the kingdom of heaven? Wouldn’t all my years of sacrifice and effort then be in vain?” The more I thought about it, the more anguished I became. Seeing some brothers and sisters around me in good health, I felt especially envious and jealous, thinking, “In these past years since I came to believe in God, I’ve forsaken and expended just as much as they have. Why has God given them a healthy body but not me?” The more I thought like this, the more troubled and anxious I felt about my condition.

One day, I read these words of God: “What someone’s health will be like at a certain age and whether they will contract a major illness is all arranged by God. Nonbelievers don’t believe in God and they go looking for someone to see these things in palms, in birth dates, and in faces, and they believe these things. You believe in God and often listen to sermons and fellowships on the truth, so if you don’t believe this, then you are nothing but a disbeliever. If you truly believe that everything is in God’s hands, then you should believe that these things—serious illnesses, major illnesses, minor illnesses, and health—all fall under the sovereignty and arrangements of God. The emergence of a serious illness and what someone’s health will be like at a certain age are not things that happen by accident, and to understand this is to have a positive and accurate understanding. Does this accord with the truth? (Yes.) It accords with the truth, it is the truth, you should accept this, and your attitude and views on this matter should be transformed. And what is resolved once these things are transformed? Are your feelings of distress, anxiety, and worry not resolved? At the very least, your negative emotions of distress, anxiety, and worry about sickness are resolved in theory. Because your understanding has transformed your thoughts and views, it therefore resolves your negative emotions. … We’re talking about sickness; this is something most people will experience during their lifetime. Therefore, the kind of sickness that will afflict people’s bodies at what time or at what age and what their health will be like are all things arranged by God and people cannot decide these things for themselves; just like the time when someone is born, they are not able to decide it for themselves. So, is it not foolish to feel distressed, anxious, and worried about things you cannot decide for yourself? (Yes.) People should set about resolving the things they can resolve themselves, and for those things they cannot do themselves, they should wait for God; people should submit silently and ask God to protect them—this is the mindset people should have. When illness really does strike and death really is near, then people should submit and not complain or rebel against God or say things that blaspheme against God or things that attack Him. Instead, people should stand as created beings and experience and appreciate all that comes from God—they should not try to choose things for themselves. This should be a special experience that enriches your life, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing, right? Therefore, when it comes to illness, people should first resolve their wrong thoughts and views concerning the origin of the illness, and then they will no longer worry about this; moreover, people have no right to control known or unknown things, nor are they capable of controlling them, as all these things are under the sovereignty of God. The attitude and principle of practice people should have are to wait and submit. From understanding to practice, all should be done in line with the truth principles—this is to pursue the truth” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (4)). From God’s words, I realized that whether or not my illness would worsen or lead to paralysis was all in God’s hands, and that I should submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements; this was the wise choice. However, I hadn’t understood God’s almightiness and sovereignty. I had invested a lot of energy and concern into treating my illness, worrying and fretting about it all the time, and even harboring misunderstandings and complaints about God. I had been truly foolish! I should adopt a submissive attitude in learning lessons from my illness, and have genuine trust in God. Additionally, if I felt unwell, I should undertake normal treatment and health care, and do my duty to the best of my ability. Practicing this way would not deviate from God’s requirements and was the attitude I should have. With this realization, my anxiety eased somewhat, and I was willing to submit to God’s orchestration and arrangements.

From then on, I let things follow their natural course, and arranged my time reasonably for treatment and self-care. Sometimes, I would calm down and ponder, “Why do I complain when my illness worsens? What exactly is the corrupt disposition that is dictating this?” I then read these words of God: “When people begin to believe in God, which of them does not have their own aims, motivations, and ambitions? Even though one part of them believes in the existence of God and has seen the existence of God, their belief in God still contains those motivations, and their ultimate aim in believing in God is to receive His blessings and the things they want. In people’s life experiences, they often think to themselves: ‘I’ve given up my family and career for God, and what has He given me? I must add it up, and confirm it—have I received any blessings recently? I’ve given a lot during this time, I’ve run and run, and have suffered much—has God given me any promises in return? Has He remembered my good deeds? What will my end be? Can I receive God’s blessings? …’ Every person constantly makes such calculations within their heart, and they make demands of God which bear their motivations, ambitions, and a transactional mentality. This is to say, in his heart man is constantly testing God, constantly devising plans about God, constantly arguing the case for his own individual outcome with God, and trying to extract a statement from God, seeing whether or not God can give him what he wants. At the same time as pursuing God, man does not treat God as God. Man has always tried to make deals with God, ceaselessly making demands of Him, and even pressing Him at every step, trying to take a mile after being given an inch. At the same time as trying to make deals with God, man also argues with Him, and there are even people who, when trials befall them or they find themselves in certain situations, often become weak, negative and slack in their work, and full of complaints about God. From the time when man first began to believe in God, he has considered God to be a cornucopia, a Swiss Army knife, and he has considered himself to be God’s greatest creditor, as if trying to get blessings and promises from God were his inherent right and obligation, while God’s responsibility were to protect and care for man, and to provide for him. Such is the basic understanding of ‘belief in God’ of all those who believe in God, and such is their deepest understanding of the concept of belief in God. From man’s nature essence to his subjective pursuit, there is nothing that relates to the fear of God. Man’s aim in believing in God could not possibly have anything to do with the worship of God. That is to say, man has never considered nor understood that belief in God requires fearing and worshiping God. In light of such conditions, man’s essence is obvious. What is this essence? It is that man’s heart is malicious, harbors treachery and deceit, does not love fairness and righteousness and that which is positive, and it is contemptible and greedy. Man’s heart could not be more closed to God; he has not given it to God at all. God has never seen man’s true heart, nor has He ever been worshiped by man” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God’s Work, God’s Disposition, and God Himself II). After reading what God’s words exposed, I realized that since I came to believe in God, my viewpoint on what to pursue, as well as the direction in which I had been pursuing, had been wrong from the beginning. Not long after I started believing in God, I’d seen that my illness had improved, so I had begun to treat God as my healer. I had wanted to gain God’s blessing and protection through forsaking things, expending myself, and paying a price; that way, I wouldn’t have to suffer hardship from my illness anymore. When my illness had recurred and the condition persisted without being able to control or relieve it, I had complained, using my previous outward efforts and exertions as capital to reason with God. I’d even thought that curing my illness was the most important thing, and I had approached my duty without a sense of burden. When I’d seen the work bearing no fruit, I hadn’t been anxious or agitated, focusing only on how to treat and care for my body. Seeing that my brothers and sisters around me were perfectly healthy while I, still young, was living in suffering due to illness, I had inwardly complained about God for blessing them but not watching over or protecting me. My state was exactly what God’s words exposed: “When I grant My fury to people and seize all the joy and peace that they once possessed, they become doubtful. When I grant to people the suffering of hell and reclaim the blessings of heaven, they fly into a rage. When people ask Me to heal them, and I pay them no heed and feel abhorrence toward them, they depart from Me to instead seek the way of evil medicine and sorcery. When I take away all that people have demanded from Me, they all disappear without a trace. Thus, I say that people have faith in Me because My grace is too abundant, and because there are far too many benefits to gain” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. What Do You Know of Faith?). God’s words pierced my heart deeply. For many years, I had proclaimed that I wanted to expend myself for God, but I had never truly worshiped and submitted to God as God. I only wanted blessings from God, hoping He would heal me and free me from the suffering of illness. I was clearly trying to use God and make a deal with Him, yet outwardly I was waving the banner of spending myself for God. Isn’t this blatant deception and resistance against God? I was truly despicable!

Next, I read a passage of God’s words and found a way of practice. Almighty God says: “When a person is overly concerned about their physical body and keeps it well-fed, healthy, and robust, of what value is this to them? What meaning is there in living like this? What is the value of a person’s life? Is it merely for the sake of indulging in fleshly pleasures such as eating, drinking, and being entertained? … When a person comes into this world, it isn’t just for the enjoyment of the flesh, nor is it solely for eating, drinking, and having fun. One shouldn’t live just for those things; that is not the value of human life, nor is it the right path. The value of human life and the right path to follow involve accomplishing something valuable and completing one or multiple jobs of value. This is not called a career; it is called the right path, it is also called the proper task. Tell Me, is it worth it for a person to pay the price in order to complete some work of value, live a meaningful and valuable life, and pursue and attain the truth? If you truly desire to pursue and understand the truth, to embark on the right path in life, to fulfill your duty well, and to live a valuable and meaningful life, then you should not hesitate to give all of your energy, pay the price, and give all of your time and the extent of your days. If you experience a bit of illness during this period it will not matter, it will not crush you. Isn’t this far superior to a lifetime of ease and idleness, nurturing the physical body to the point that it is well-fed and healthy, and ultimately achieving longevity? (Yes.) Which one of these two options is more conducive to a valuable life? Which one can bring comfort and no regrets to people when they face death at the very end? (Living a meaningful life.) Living a meaningful life means to feel results and comfort in your heart. What about those who are well-fed, and maintain a rosy complexion until death? They don’t pursue a meaningful life, so how do they feel when they die? (Like they lived in vain.) These three words are incisive—living in vain. What does ‘living in vain’ mean? (To waste one’s life.) Living in vain, wasting one’s life—what is the basis for these two phrases? (At the end of their lives they find that they have gained nothing.) What should a person gain then? (They should gain the truth or accomplish valuable and meaningful things in this life. They should do well the things that a created being ought to do. If they fail to do all that and only live for their physical bodies, they will feel that their life was lived in vain and wasted.)” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (6)). From God’s words, I understood that the correct view on what to pursue in believing in God is to seek to understand the truth and achieve submission to God. Regardless of the environment God arranges, even in the face of severe illness and suffering, I should submit to God’s orchestration and arrangement and fulfill my duty as a created being. This kind of pursuit is valuable and meaningful and will be remembered by God. However, I had always sought fleshly peace, a life without illness or disaster, and to live healthily. When my illness became severe, I began reasoning with God and complaining, focusing solely on treatment and self-care, and was even unwilling to do my duty. Such a pursuit was meaningless. I realized that even if I improved my health and lived a peaceful, healthy life, if I did not fulfill my duty and responsibility as a created being, and if I failed to complete my mission, it would be a wasted life, and my existence in this world would have been in vain. Recognizing this, I felt brightened. Regardless of whether my illness would worsen or whether I would become paralyzed, the most important thing was to fulfill my duty. From then on, I devoted my heart to my duty and followed up on the various tasks.

One day, while I was typing at the computer, my right shoulder suddenly became immobile, and I felt a sharp pain when I lifted my right arm. Typing became very difficult. I started to worry again, thinking, “If my shoulder can’t move, how can I do my duty?” I thought, “I’ll take a rest, and maybe it will improve by tomorrow.” However, the next day, not only did my shoulder not get better, it became even more painful. My head and neck also began to hurt; it was painful to sit and even to lie down. I lost all focus on doing my duty. Later, I read these words of God: “Whether you are sick or in pain, as long as you have a single breath left, as long as you are still living, as long as you can still speak and walk, then you have the energy to perform your duty, and you should be well-behaved in the performance of your duty with your feet planted firmly on the ground. You must not abandon the duty of a created being or the responsibility given to you by the Creator. As long as you are not yet dead, you should complete your duty and fulfill it well” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). After reading God’s words, I prayed to Him, saying that regardless of whether my condition would improve or not, I didn’t want to be bound or constrained by it any longer. I just wanted to seek God’s intention, submit to Him, and hold on to my duty. After that, I stopped worrying about when my illness might get better and instead focused on my duty, using my free time to exercise a bit. By the fourth morning, I suddenly noticed that the pain in my right shoulder had lessened, and my neck was no longer stiff. Although I wasn’t completely healed, I was gradually recovering.

These repeated bouts of illness completely revealed the mistaken views I held on what to pursue in my faith. It was only then that I began to truly have some understanding of myself. Through God’s words, I also learned how to properly treat illness and how to fulfill my duty during such times. I thank God for His salvation!

Footnotes:

a. Cupping: A therapy where glass or plastic cups are placed on the skin to create suction. It helps improve blood flow and relieve pain.

b. Gua sha: A technique where a smooth tool is scraped over the skin to release tension, improve circulation, and reduce muscle pain.

c. Moxibustion: A method where dried mugwort (a plant) is burned near specific points on the body to warm and stimulate healing.