By Qingtian, China

In 2017, I was making videos in the church and was chosen as the team leader. One day, I found out that Sister Li Min and Brother Chen Bin had been made supervisors. I had a bitter feeling and thought to myself, “They haven’t been making videos as long as I have, and their skills aren’t as good as mine. So why were they made supervisors, and the leader didn’t even consider me? I used to be Li Min’s team leader, and now she’s supervising my work. How am I supposed to show my face in front of her from now on? Will the brothers and sisters think I’m not as good as her? Won’t this make me look utterly incompetent?” Thinking of this, I became very discouraged and negative, and I couldn’t muster up the energy to do anything. Later, at a gathering, the leader said that another supervisor needed to be chosen, and in the end, Brother Lin Hui was selected. I was dumbfounded by this result. Everyone I had been cooperating with in my duties had been promoted and cultivated one after the other, but I was still stuck right where I was. Wasn’t I stuck at the very bottom? Lin Hui hadn’t even been making videos as long as me, but now he’d been chosen as a supervisor. I felt so embarrassed. Could it really be true that I was just inept? The more I thought about it, the worse I felt, and I couldn’t help but cry. Then I suddenly remembered the leader saying that Lin Hui had gotten results in his duty, and I wondered, “Could it be that Lin Hui was chosen as a supervisor because his duty yielded good results? If I put in more effort and pay more of a price to improve the work results, maybe I’ll also be promoted and cultivated. Then people won’t look down on me.” With that thought, I regained my motivation.

From then on, I threw myself into making videos every day, working overtime to push the progress forward. One day, after watching the videos we made, the leader said they were pretty good, and that we had made progress. The leader even gave us some important tasks to complete and asked us to finish them in good time. Seeing the work finally improving and the leader valuing us, I felt really happy. I thought that if I kept up the effort and produced more good videos quickly, maybe I’d also have a chance to be promoted and cultivated. To speed things up, I even had the sisters in the team work overtime with me every day. But because I was too eager for quick success, I didn’t seek principles in my duties, I didn’t bring everyone together to study techniques or review problems in the work, and I only pushed for faster progress. As a result, the quality of the videos was poor and they had to be reworked repeatedly. The sisters’ morale was also low. Because there was no reviewing or learning, the sisters didn’t improve in their skills, and when difficulties arose in their duties, they had no path forward, their states kept worsening, and they became more and more sluggish. Instead of reflecting on myself or seeking the truth to resolve these issues, I blamed the sisters for not producing good results, delaying progress in their duties, and for impacting my chance to stand out. I even gave them attitude. Sometimes I realized my state was wrong, and that I needed to reflect and adjust my state, but when I thought about the poor work results, I felt that if I didn’t work hard to improve the results, the leader would surely think I was an incompetent team leader, and that I wouldn’t just not be promoted, I might even be dismissed. When I thought of this, I ran around like a spinning top, pushing for progress nonstop. I simply couldn’t stop.

Because I didn’t seek principles in my duty or do any real work, I seriously impacted the progress of the video work, and not long after, the leader dismissed me. I felt somewhat wronged. I thought that I’d been paying a great price in my duty, so why was I being told I didn’t do real work? After I was dismissed, I was filled with pain and prayed to God, “God, I’ve been dismissed and have lost the opportunity to work on videos. Please guide me to understand Your intention.” During one of my devotionals, I came across a passage of God’s words: “Regardless of the environments that crop up—especially in the face of adversity, and especially when God reveals or exposes people—the first thing one should do is to come before God to reflect on themselves and examine their words and deeds and their corrupt disposition, instead of examining, studying, and judging whether God’s words and actions are right or wrong. If you stay in your proper position, you should know exactly what it is you ought to be doing. People have a corrupt disposition and do not understand the truth. This is not such a big problem. But when people have a corrupt disposition and do not understand the truth, yet still do not seek the truth—now they have a big problem” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Ten: They Despise the Truth, Brazenly Flout Principles, and Ignore the Arrangements of God’s House (Part Three)). From God’s words, I came to understand that my dismissal was part of God’s sovereignty and arrangements, and although I didn’t yet fully understand God’s intention, I had to submit, earnestly seek the truth, and reflect on myself.

Later, I read a passage of God’s words and gained some understanding of my issues. God says: “For antichrists, if their reputation or status is attacked and taken away, it is a matter even more serious than trying to take their life. No matter how many sermons they listen to or how many of God’s words they read, they will not feel sadness or regret over never having practiced the truth and having taken the path of antichrists, nor over their possession of the nature essence of antichrists. Instead, they are always racking their brains for ways to gain status and increase their reputation. It can be said that everything antichrists do is done to show off in front of others, and is not done before God. Why do I say this? It is because such people are so in love with status that they treat it as their very life, as their lifelong goal. Moreover, because they love status so much, they never believe in the existence of truth, and it can even be said that they harbor absolutely no belief in God’s existence. Thus, no matter how they calculate to gain reputation and status, and no matter how they try to use false appearances to trick people and God, in the depths of their hearts, they have no awareness or reproach, let alone any anxiety. In their consistent pursuit of reputation and status, they also wantonly deny what God has done. Why do I say that? In the depths of antichrists’ hearts, they believe, ‘All reputation and status are earned through one’s own efforts. Only by gaining a firm foothold among people and gaining reputation and status can they enjoy god’s blessings. Life only has value when people gain absolute power and status. Only this is living like a human. By contrast, it would be useless to live in the way that is spoken of in the word of god—to submit to god’s sovereignty and arrangements in everything, to willingly stand in the position of a created being, and to live like a normal person—no one would look up to a person like that. A person’s status, reputation, and happiness must be won through their own struggles; they must be fought for and seized with a positive and proactive attitude. No one else will give them to you—waiting around passively can only lead to failure.’ This is how antichrists calculate. This is the disposition of antichrists” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). God exposes that for antichrists, reputation and status are their life. In everything they do, they only consider how to gain status and the esteem and admiration of others. No matter how much they obstruct or harm the church’s work, they never reflect or repent. Reflecting on my own behavior, I saw that I also focused a lot on reputation and status. When I saw that the brothers and sisters I cooperated with had been selected as supervisors, I felt out of balance. I thought if I just put in more effort, paid more of a price and produced good results, I would also be promoted and valued. Because I pursued reputation and status, didn’t seek principles in my duty, didn’t organize learning sessions for everyone to improve their skills either, and because I just kept pushing everyone to work late into the night every day due to my desire for quick results, the videos required multiple reworks and the work was seriously delayed. Moreover, as a team leader, when I saw issues in the work, I should have taken the initiative to lead the brothers and sisters in summarizing these deviations, and seeking the truth principles to solve real problems. When the sisters were in poor states, I should have fellowshipped to help them, as this was my responsibility. But I didn’t do any real work. All I cared about was achieving results and being admired by others, and I didn’t care at all about the brothers’ and sisters’ life entry, nor did I care whether the church’s work suffered losses. I lived in a state of pursuing reputation and status, and my heart was in darkness, oppression, and pain. To keep up the pace, I even thought of devotionals and reflection as a waste of time, and I just kept stubbornly toiling away at the work. No matter how others tried to remind me, I remained indifferent until I was dismissed. I saw that my heart had become utterly intransigent. My desire for reputation and status was too great, causing me to be averse to the truth and treasure fame, gain, and status. The path I was walking was that of an antichrist. Realizing this, I felt a deep sense of indebtedness, and so I prayed to God, “God, I no longer want to live by my corrupt disposition. I am willing to repent to You.”

Later, I read more of God’s words, and I gained some understanding of the root of my constant pursuit of reputation and status. Almighty God says: “Satan uses fame and gain to control man’s thoughts, until all people can think of is fame and gain. They struggle for fame and gain, suffer hardships for fame and gain, endure humiliation for fame and gain, sacrifice everything they have for fame and gain, and they will make any judgment or decision for the sake of fame and gain. In this way, Satan binds people with invisible shackles, and they have neither the strength nor the courage to throw them off. They unknowingly bear these shackles and trudge ever onward with great difficulty. For the sake of this fame and gain, mankind shuns God and betrays Him and becomes increasingly wicked. In this way, therefore, one generation after another is destroyed in the midst of Satan’s fame and gain. Looking now at Satan’s actions, are its sinister motives not utterly detestable? Maybe today you still cannot see through Satan’s sinister motives because you think one cannot live without fame and gain. You think that if people leave fame and gain behind, they will no longer be able to see the way ahead, no longer be able to see their goals, that their futures will become dark, dim and gloomy. But, slowly, you will all one day recognize that fame and gain are massive shackles that Satan uses to bind man. When that day comes, you will thoroughly resist Satan’s control and thoroughly resist the shackles Satan uses to bind you. When the time comes that you wish to throw off all the things Satan has instilled in you, you will then make a clean break with Satan and you will truly loathe all that Satan has brought to you. Only then will mankind have a real love and yearning for God” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VI). Under the exposure of God’s words, I gained some understanding of Satan’s despicable methods and wicked intentions of corrupting people through fame and gain. Satan uses fame and gain to bind and harm people, making people distance themselves from and betray God. Looking back, I realized that ever since childhood, I had been influenced by Satan’s education and conditioning. I took Satan’s philosophies like “A man leaves his name behind wherever he stays, just as a goose utters its cry wherever it flies,” and “Man struggles upward; water flows downward” as my guiding mottos. My disposition became increasingly arrogant, and no matter where I was, I always wanted to be admired by others and refused to lag behind. I remembered that when I was working before, when I saw that people around my age who had a higher education than me could work as white-collar employees in the company, while I, due to my lower education, could only do some menial work, I was unwilling to live such a mediocre life. So I studied hard in my spare time, hoping to one day earn a diploma through self-study, and to get a good job to appear impressive in front of others. Even after finding God, I still lived by these satanic philosophies for worldly dealings. I thought that being a leader or supervisor in the church, and gaining the approval and esteem of the brothers and sisters was the only way to have a meaningful life. So when I saw brothers and sisters being promoted, I felt envious and jealous. I worked hard on videos, hoping to achieve something quickly so that the leaders would also cultivate me. To achieve my ambitions and desires, I had no problem making the sisters stay up late with me to rush the progress forward, and when I saw that my sisters were in poor states, I not only didn’t help them but also looked down on them. Sometimes I even got angry and gave them attitude. I was really utterly selfish and indifferent. In my pursuit of reputation and status, I lived without any human likeness. I not only hurt the brothers and sisters but also caused losses to the church’s work. Because I didn’t do any real work, only pursued reputation and status, and was driven by a desire for quick success, I seriously delayed the progress of the video work, and I was eventually dismissed. I saw that living by Satan’s philosophies and lies, and pursuing prominence would only lead to ever deeper corruption, rebellion, and resistance to God. In the end, I would only harm myself. Looking back now, I felt that my former pursuit to stand out and the way I tightly clung to reputation and status was truly foolish.

Later, I read more of God’s words, and I was able to rationally accept not being chosen as a supervisor. God says: “If you think yourself fit to be a leader, possessed of the talent, caliber, and humanity for leadership, yet God’s house has not promoted you and the brothers and sisters have not elected you, how should you treat the matter? There is a path of practice here that you can follow. You must thoroughly know yourself. Look to see if what it boils down to is that you have a problem with your humanity, or that the revelation of some aspect of your corrupt disposition repulses people; or whether it is that you do not possess the truth reality and are unconvincing to others, or that the performance of your duty is not up to standard. You must reflect on all these things and see where it is, exactly, that you fall short. … If you truly have a burden and have such a sense of responsibility, and wish to carry a load, then hurry up and train yourself. Focus on practicing the truth and come to act with principles. Once you have life experience and can write articles of testimony, you will truly have grown. And if you can bear witness for God, then you can certainly gain the work of the Holy Spirit. If the Holy Spirit is working on you, it means that God looks on you with favor, and with the Holy Spirit guiding you, your opportunity will soon arise. You may have a burden now, but your stature is insufficient and your life experience too shallow, so even if you were to become a leader, you would be liable to tumble. You must pursue life entry, resolve your extravagant desires first, willingly be a follower, and come to submit to God truly, with no words of complaints for whatever He orchestrates or arranges. When you are possessed of this stature, your opportunity will come. That you wish to take on a heavy load, that you have this burden, is a good thing. It shows that you have a proactive heart that seeks to make progress and that you want to be considerate of God’s intentions and follow God’s will. This is not an ambition, but a true burden; it is the responsibility of those who pursue the truth and the object of their pursuit. You have no selfish motives and are not out for your own sake, but to bear witness for God and satisfy Him—this is what is most blessed by God, and He will make suitable arrangements for you. … God’s intention is to gain more people who can bear witness for Him; it is to perfect all who love Him, and to make a group of people who are of one heart and mind with Him as early as possible. Therefore, in God’s house, all who pursue the truth have great prospects, and the prospects of those who love God sincerely are without limit. Everyone should understand God’s intention. It is indeed a positive thing to have this burden, and it is something those with a conscience and reason should possess, but not everyone will necessarily be able to take on a heavy load. Where does this discrepancy come from? Whatever your strengths or capabilities, and however high your IQ may be, what is crucial is your pursuit and the path you walk” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (6)). From God’s words, I understood that the church has principles for promoting and cultivating supervisors for various items of work. It’s not about promoting or cultivating someone just because they show some enthusiasm or have certain gifts. At the very least, a person should have a correct heart, they must have a sense of burden for their duty, and they must be able to protect the church’s work. They must also possess a certain caliber and be able to solve actual problems. Such people, when serving as supervisors, are beneficial to the work and meet the criteria for promotion and cultivation. For instance, Chen Bin and Lin Hui were able to become supervisors not only because they were effective in their duties, but also because they had a sense of burden in their duties, and were able to solve some actual problems and act according to principles. If a person’s caliber is inadequate, and they don’t protect the church’s work and instead only pursue personal gain, then such a person, if selected as a supervisor, will only delay the church’s work and harm the brothers and sisters. Just like when I was doing my duty, I always pursued reputation and status, and when my desire for status wasn’t satisfied, I became negative and weak, and did my duties perfunctorily, without any regard for the church’s interests. The brothers and sisters chose me as the team leader, but not only did I fail to help them with their life entry, I even led them to violate principles in their duties. With my kind of humanity, if I were truly chosen as a supervisor, I would end up on the path of an antichrist and be eliminated by God. Not being selected as a supervisor was God’s protection for me. I truly didn’t know myself and lacked self-awareness. After understanding these things, my heart filled with a sense of liberation.

A few months later, the church arranged for me to make videos again, and they asked me to teach a few sisters how to make videos. The leader said that these sisters had good caliber and could be given focused cultivation, so I was asked to give them more guidance on video production. Hearing this made me feel a bit upset. I felt that they were the ones being prioritized for cultivation, while no matter how well I did, I was just playing a supporting role. When I thought this way, I suddenly realized that my state wasn’t right. So, I looked for God’s words regarding this issue. I read these words of God: “No matter what duty you receive, no matter what duty has come upon you, whether it is a duty that entails great responsibility or a simpler one, or even if it’s not very prominent, if you are able to seek the truth and treat the duty according to the truth principles, then you will be able to fulfill your duty well. Moreover, in the process of performing your duties, you will experience varying degrees of growth in both your life entry and dispositional change. However, if you do not pursue the truth and merely treat your duty as your own enterprise, your own task, or treat it as your own preference or personal work, then you’ve got trouble” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. What Is the Adequate Performance of Duty?). From God’s words, I came to understand God’s intention. No matter what duty I am doing, the most important things are to focus on my life entry in my duty, and to pursue the truth to achieve a change in disposition. This is the correct path for doing one’s duty. This opportunity to do my duty was hard to come by, and I could no longer think about my reputation or status. I had to consider God’s intention, shoulder this responsibility, and rely on God to do my duty well. Later on, I often communicated and had heart-to-heart conversations with the sisters, and I’d consciously look into the difficulties they encountered in their duties. I also provided detailed guidance based on each person’s shortcomings. The three sisters made rapid progress in their technical skills, and before long they were able to make videos on their own. I thanked God from the bottom of my heart for His guidance.

Six months later, I was also chosen as a supervisor, but I didn’t become conceited because of the position. On the contrary, I felt a heavy sense of responsibility. The fact that I have been able to have this knowledge and experience this transformation has been as a result of God’s words. Thank God!