By Clara, USA

In 2021, I watered newcomers in the church. Due to my perfunctory approach to my duty, many newcomers attended gatherings irregularly. On top of that, my arrogant disposition always made others feel constrained when cooperating with me. So, the leaders dismissed me and reassigned me to handle general affairs. Hearing this news, I felt very distressed. I thought about how I had believed in God for over ten years, and that after abandoning my studies, I had been doing my duties in the church all along. Furthermore, because I had some knowledge of a foreign language, I always felt that I was more capable than other brothers and sisters. I didn’t expect that at this critical moment in the spreading of the gospel of the kingdom, I would be dismissed and assigned to a low-profile duty handling general affairs. Could this dismissal be God’s way of revealing and eliminating me? Thinking about this, a mix of disappointment, pain, and worry overwhelmed me. I told myself in my heart, “In the future, I have to be cautious and meticulous in doing my duties to avoid causing any problems that could lead to my dismissal again. Otherwise, I might truly lose all hope of being saved.”

After a while, I heard that a few brothers and sisters were dismissed due to poor results in their duties. I suddenly became anxious and thought, “How have I been doing my duties recently? Am I also at risk of being dismissed?” I quickly began to consider what issues might still exist in my duties, what attitude the supervisor had toward me, and whether there were any signs of me being dismissed. When I saw that there were some issues in my duties and the results were not very good, I felt very uneasy, wondering, “Will the supervisor dismiss me one day? If I am dismissed again, I might be completely eliminated.” During that time, I did my duties very cautiously, fearing that I might make any mistake. Sometimes when my supervisor sent me messages, I worried that she might be planning to dismiss me. I lived in a state of guardedness and suspicion, feeling extremely repressed, as if a heavy stone was pressing down on me.

One day during a gathering, I read a passage of God’s words, which gave me some understanding of my own state. Almighty God says: “Some people do not believe that God’s house can treat people fairly. They do not believe that God reigns in His house, and that the truth reigns there. They believe that no matter what duty a person performs, if a problem arises in it, God’s house will handle that person immediately, stripping them of their right to perform that duty, sending them away, or even clearing them out of the church. Is that really how things work? It certainly is not. God’s house treats every person according to the truth principles. God is righteous in His treatment of every person. He does not look only at how a person behaves in a single instance; He looks at a person’s nature essence, at their intentions, at their attitude, and He looks in particular at whether a person can reflect on themselves when they make a mistake, whether they are remorseful, and whether they can penetrate the essence of the problem based on His words, come to understand the truth, hate themselves, and truly repent. … If you do not accept the truth at all in performing your duty and are always afraid of being revealed and eliminated, then this fear of yours is tainted with human intent and a corrupt satanic disposition, and with suspicion, guardedness, and misapprehension. None of these are attitudes that a person should have. You must begin by resolving your fear, as well as your misunderstandings of God. How do a person’s misunderstandings of God arise? When things are going well for a person, they certainly do not misunderstand Him. They believe that God is good, that God is honorable, that God is righteous, that God is merciful and loving, that God is right in everything that He does. However, when they are faced with something that does not conform to their notions, they think, ‘It seems God is not very righteous, at least not in this matter.’ Is this not a misunderstanding? How is it that God is not righteous? What was it that gave rise to this misunderstanding? What was it that made you form this opinion and understanding that God is not righteous? Can you say for sure what it was? Which sentence was it? Which matter? Which situation? Say it, so that everyone can work it out and see if you have a leg to stand on. And when a person misunderstands God or faces something that does not conform to their notions, what attitude should they have? (One of seeking the truth and submission.) They need to submit first and consider: ‘I do not understand, but I will submit because this is what God has done and not something that man should analyze. Moreover, I cannot doubt God’s words or His work because God’s word is the truth.’ Is this not the attitude a person should have? With this attitude, would your misunderstanding still pose a problem? (It would not.) It would not affect or disturb your performance of your duty” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). I was just as God described: When I made mistakes in my duty, I was always afraid of being dismissed. This was due to my guardedness against and misunderstanding of God, not understanding the principles behind dismissing people in God’s house or recognizing God’s righteous disposition. I thought that as long as there were some issues or mistakes in doing one’s duty, or if the results were not good for a period of time, they would be dismissed, just like working in the world of nonbelievers, where mistakes led to reprimand and possible dismissal, so one had to be extremely cautious to keep their position. But in God’s house, God gives people as many opportunities to repent as possible, and dismissing people is also based on principles. It is not the case that a person is dismissed just because they make a minor mistake in their duty or have poor results for a short period of time. Rather, it is based on a comprehensive assessment of that person’s consistent performance and nature essence, especially whether they can reflect on and know themselves, and demonstrate true repentance after making a mistake. For example, when I was doing my duty of watering newcomers, because of my arrogant disposition, I always constrained others when cooperating with them. My brothers and sisters had pointed out this issue to me. However, I only felt upset for a while and then did not pay attention to addressing my arrogant disposition. Additionally, when watering the newcomers, I was perfunctory, only doing surface-level work. When the newcomers had difficulties and didn’t attend gatherings regularly, I did not provide help or support. When summarizing the work and seeing so many newcomers with irregular attendance, I only felt upset for a while, yet afterward, I still did not make an effort to address these issues. The church dismissed me based on my consistent performance, but did not take away my opportunity to do my duty, and instead reassigned me to do the duty of general affairs, giving me a chance to repent; however, I did not properly reflect on and understand myself, but harbored guardedness and misunderstanding toward God. I was truly too deceitful! Now, although I had some issues and deviations in my duty of general affairs, after the supervisor learned about it, she would offer me some advice or fellowship the principles with me. When I followed these suggestions, the problems in my duty were resolved, and the church did not dismiss me because of them. I saw that the dismissal of people in God’s house was indeed done according to principles, and that my guardedness and misunderstanding were truly self-deception and self-constraint.

Later, I pondered further, realizing that besides resolving my guardedness and misunderstanding, I also needed to resolve this fear of being dismissed if I made a mistake in my duty. I pondered: Why was I afraid? I prayed to God and sought about this issue. One day, during my devotional, I read a passage of God’s words: “Some people have experienced some failures in the past, such as being dismissed for not doing any real work as a leader or for coveting the benefits of status. After being dismissed several times, some of them do undergo a bit of true change, so is being dismissed a good thing or a bad thing for people? (It’s a good thing.) When they are dismissed for the first time, people feel like the sky is falling. It is as if their hearts have simply been broken. They cannot hold themselves up anymore and they do not know which direction to go in. But after the experience, they think, ‘That wasn’t such a big deal. Why was my stature so small before? How could I have been so immature?’ This proves that they have made progress in life, and that they have understood a little about God’s intentions, the truth, and the purpose of God’s salvation of man. This is the process of experiencing God’s work. You must admit and accept these methods that God uses in His work, that is, constantly pruning you, or passing verdicts on you, saying that you are hopeless, saying that you are not someone who will be saved, and even condemning and cursing you. You may feel negative, but by seeking the truth and by reflecting on yourself and knowing yourself, you will soon be able to climb back up, and follow God and perform your duties normally. This is what it means to grow in life. So, is experiencing more dismissals good or bad? Is this method that God uses in His work correct? (It is.) However, people sometimes don’t recognize this, and cannot accept it. Particularly when they first experience being dismissed, they feel like they are being treated unfairly, they are always reasoning with and complaining about God, unable to overcome this hurdle. Why can’t they overcome it? Is it because they are looking for trouble with God and the truth? It is because people do not understand the truth, do not know how to reflect on themselves, and do not look for problems within themselves. They always refuse to obey in their hearts, and when they are dismissed, they start challenging God. They are unable to accept the fact of their dismissal and are full of resentment. At this time, their corrupt dispositions are so severe, but when they look back on the matter later, they can see that it was right for them to be dismissed—it turned out to be a good thing, which enabled them to make some progress in life. When they are faced with dismissal again in the future, will they still challenge it in this way? (Less and less each time.) It’s normal for this to improve progressively. If nothing changes, this proves that they do not accept the truth at all and that they are disbelievers. Then they are thoroughly revealed and eliminated, and have no way to attain salvation” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). After reading God’s words, I felt deeply touched. Regardless of experiencing dismissal or being defined as someone who cannot be saved, we should accept it from God. If we can submit, seek the truth, reflect on, and know ourselves, then our life will progress, and that is a good thing. However, if we continue to reason and complain without reflecting on ourselves, we will truly be revealed and eliminated. Reflecting on the time I was dismissed from my duty of watering, although it was very painful, it awakened me. It prompted me to reflect on and understand myself, and I gained some understanding of my perfunctoriness in doing my duty and arrogant disposition. In the past, when I saw the newcomers not attending gatherings regularly, I thought understanding their difficulties and finding God’s words to solve their problems was too troublesome, so I didn’t want to conscientiously make sacrifices to address these issues, and only wanted to do some simple tasks that made me look good. After being dismissed, I realized that I was particularly lazy and indulged in physical comfort. I saw that doing my duties with such a scummy nature made me fundamentally untrustworthy. Now, when doing general affairs duties, I began to ponder how to do my duties in a down-to-earth manner. Regardless of my work capabilities, I simply focused on doing it with all my heart and strength. Although it was sometimes tiring, I felt at ease in my heart. Besides, in the past, I always looked down on brothers and sisters with poor caliber or weak professional abilities. When discussing work, my tone was often harsh, which brought constraint and harm to them. After being dismissed, I began to calm down and reflect on myself. I realized that my contempt for others was due to my arrogant disposition. Later, when meeting the brothers and sisters I had previously looked down upon, I found that they had many strengths and virtues. Now, when brothers and sisters pointed out my problems and shortcomings, I was able to accept them and reflect on and know myself. The brothers and sisters were no longer constrained by me. This made me see that reassignment and dismissal were not meant to reveal or eliminate anyone. I was deeply corrupted by Satan and had many corrupt dispositions, so I needed to experience many failures and revelation while doing my duty. If I could seek the truth, reflect on myself, and sincerely repent, it would be a good thing for me and a turning point for the transformation of my disposition. But I could not correctly treat the failures and revelation in my duty. I could not calm down to seek the truth and reflect on myself properly. Instead, I always planned and worried about my final destination and outcome, which led to my negativity and pain. I was full of resistance to the environments arranged by God. If I did not repent, I would truly ruin myself. Now what I needed to do was accept and submit to the environments that God had arranged, focus on seeking the truth and reflecting on and knowing my own corruption and deficiencies, learn lessons, and make progress in my life entry. Understanding this, my heart became more at ease.

A few months later, the church reassigned me to water newcomers. I hadn’t expected to be given another chance to do this duty, I felt an indescribable sense of emotion and offered my thanks to God in my heart. After some time, I encountered some difficulties in watering the newcomers. Some of them were too busy with work, some were ill, and some had notions about God’s work, so they stopped attending gatherings. After watering and supporting them for a period of time without seeing any obvious results, I became very anxious, “If I can’t resolve these issues soon, will I be dismissed? Disasters are becoming more severe, and God’s work is nearing its end. If I get dismissed at this critical moment, can I still be saved?” These thoughts caused me a lot of distress. When the supervisor came to check on my work, she reminded me to be more diligent and resolve these issues as soon as possible. I felt quite disheartened, “I’ve been putting in the effort lately, but why hasn’t the result improved? If I continue to be ineffective in my duty, I might be dismissed. If I’m assigned a different duty, I’ll have to start learning from scratch. What if I continue to be ineffective and get dismissed again? Then I’ll be completely revealed and eliminated!” The more I thought about it, the more despondent I became, and my mind felt clouded and heavy. When I saw the newcomers not attending gatherings regularly, I didn’t feel like following up with them anymore. I even had some complaints in my heart, “I’ve been working so hard lately, why hasn’t God guided me? No matter how hard I try, it doesn’t seem to make a difference. These issues aren’t easy to resolve, and maybe even after all my efforts, I’ll still be dismissed.” During that time, I was very negative and couldn’t muster the energy to do my duty. Later, I began to reflect on myself, “Why do I always worry about being dismissed whenever something happens?” I realized that I was being driven by the desire to gain blessings, so I sought out relevant words of God to eat and drink.

One day, I read these words of God: “When an antichrist has status and power in the house of God, when they can take advantage and capitalize at every turn, when people look up to and flatter them, and when they think that blessings and rewards, and a beautiful destination all seem to be within reach, then on the surface they appear to be overflowing with faith in God, in God’s words and His promises to mankind, and in the work and prospects of God’s house. However, as soon as they are pruned, when their desire for blessings is threatened, then they develop suspicions and misunderstandings toward God. In the blink of an eye, their apparently abundant faith disappears, and is nowhere to be found. They can hardly muster up the energy to even walk or talk, they lose interest in doing their duty, and they lose all enthusiasm, love and faith. They’ve lost the little bit of goodwill they had, and they pay no mind to anyone who speaks with them. They turn into a completely different person in an instant. They are revealed, aren’t they? When such a person is holding on to their hopes of being blessed, they appear to have boundless energy, to be loyal to God. They can get up early and work until late at night, and are able to suffer and pay a price. But when they’ve lost hope of being blessed, they are like a deflated balloon. They want to change their plans, find another path, and to give up their faith in God. They become discouraged and disappointed with God, and are filled with grievances. Is this the expression of someone who pursues and loves the truth, someone with humanity and integrity? (No.) They are in danger” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Twelve: They Want to Withdraw When They Have No Status or No Hope of Gaining Blessings). “Antichrists never obey the arrangements of God’s house, and they always closely link their duty, fame, gain, and status with their hope of gaining blessings and their future destination, as if once their reputation and status are lost, they have no hope of gaining blessings and rewards, and this feels like losing their lives to them. They think, ‘I have to be careful, I mustn’t be careless! God’s house, the brothers and sisters, the leaders and workers, and even god can’t be relied upon. I can’t trust any of them. The person you can rely on most and who is most worthy of trust is yourself. If you’re not making plans for yourself, then who is going to care about you? Who is going to consider your future? Who is going to consider whether or not you’re going to receive blessings? Therefore, I have to make careful plans and calculations for my own sake. I can’t make mistakes or be even slightly careless, otherwise, what will I do if somebody tries to take advantage of me?’ Therefore, they guard themselves against the leaders and workers of God’s house, fearing that somebody will discern or see through them, and that they’ll then be dismissed and their dream of blessings will be spoiled. They think they must maintain their reputation and status in order for them to have hope of gaining blessings. An antichrist sees being blessed as greater than the heavens, greater than life, more important than pursuing the truth, dispositional change, or personal salvation, and more important than doing their duty well, and being a created being that is up to standard. They think that being a created being that is up to standard, doing their duty well and being saved are all paltry things that are hardly worth mentioning or remarking on, while gaining blessings is the only thing in their entire life that can never be forgotten. In whatever they encounter, no matter how great or small, they relate it to being blessed, and are incredibly cautious and attentive, and they always leave a way out for themselves. … Whether or not someone gains God’s approval is not based on what duty they do, but on whether they possess the truth, whether they genuinely submit to God, and whether they are loyal. These are the most important things. During the period of God’s salvation for people, they must suffer many trials. Especially in the performance of their duty, they must go through many failures and setbacks, but in the end, if they understand the truth and have genuine submission to God, they will be someone who has God’s approval. In the matter of being transferred in their duty it can be seen that antichrists do not understand the truth, and that they do not have the comprehension ability at all” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Twelve: They Want to Withdraw When They Have No Status or No Hope of Gaining Blessings). Through the exposure of God’s words, I saw that the reason antichrists cannot correctly approach reassignments or dismissals in their duties is that they do their duties solely to gain blessings, attempting to bargain with God, and not to gain the truth or submit to God. So, when something goes wrong or when their duties are reassigned or they are dismissed, they always link this to receiving blessings. When they see that they have no hope of gaining blessings, they become disheartened, disappointed, and filled with grievances, they lose the motivation to do their duties, and even lose the desire to believe in God. I also possessed these manifestations of antichrists. When my duties went smoothly and I felt I had hope of receiving blessings, I could forsake my studies, and endure suffering and pay a price for my duties. However, when I got poor results in my duties and there was even a risk of me being dismissed, I felt that my hope of gaining blessings had been dashed. As a result, I became disheartened, disappointed, negative, and slacked off, and did my duties like a different person entirely. Actually, it’s very normal to be dismissed, or receive pointers or pruning for having problems arise in one’s duties. However, I constantly worried, “Am I going to be dismissed? If I am dismissed again, won’t I be thoroughly revealed and eliminated? Then I won’t have much chance of being saved and entering the kingdom of heaven.” I had turned doing my duties into a transaction, trying to exchange my sacrifices, expenditures, and work results for the blessing of the kingdom of heaven. This was just like Paul. He preached the gospel entirely to receive rewards and blessings, not to gain the truth, to the extent that he could say, “I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: From now on there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness” (2 Timothy 4:7–8). The implication was that he had paid a great price in doing his duty, and that God had to grant him rewards and blessings, or else he would argue with God and oppose Him. Was I not walking the same path as Paul? I was willing to pay a price to gain blessings, but when I felt that I couldn’t receive them, I became negative and slacked off, even complaining that God was not guiding me. Wasn’t that silently opposing God? Thinking of that, I felt very fearful, realizing that doing duties solely to gain blessings and try to bargain with God is extremely dangerous. This is a path of resisting God!

Later, I read two passages of God’s words: “Since being blessed is not an appropriate objective for people to pursue, what is an appropriate objective? The pursuit of the truth, the pursuit of changes in disposition, and being able to submit to all of God’s orchestrations and arrangements: these are the objectives that people should pursue. Say, for example, being pruned causes you to have notions and misunderstandings, and you become incapable of submission. Why can’t you submit? Because you feel that your destination or your dream of being blessed has been challenged. You become negative and upset, and want to give up your duty. What is the reason for this? There is a problem with your pursuit. So how should this be solved? It is imperative that you immediately abandon these mistaken ideas, and that you immediately seek the truth to solve the problem of your corrupt disposition. You should say to yourself, ‘I must not quit, I must still do well the duty that a created being ought to, and put aside my desire to be blessed.’ When you relinquish the desire to be blessed and you walk the path of pursuing the truth, a weight is lifted off your shoulders. And will you still be capable of negativity? Even though there are still times when you are negative, you don’t let this constrain you, and in your heart, you keep praying and fighting, changing the objective of your pursuit from the pursuit of being blessed and having a destination, to the pursuit of the truth, and you think to yourself, ‘The pursuit of the truth is the duty of a created being. To understand certain truths today—there is no greater harvest, this is the greatest blessing of all. Even if God does not want me, and I do not have a good destination, and my hopes of being blessed are shattered, I shall still do my duty properly, I am obligated to. Whatever the reason, it will not impact my performance of my duty, it will not affect my accomplishment of God’s commission; this is the principle by which I conduct myself.’ And in this, have you not transcended the constraints of the flesh? Some may say, ‘Well, what if I’m still negative?’ Then seek the truth again to resolve it. However many times you fall into negativity, if you just keep on seeking the truth to resolve it, and keep on striving for the truth, you will slowly emerge from your negativity. And one day, you will feel that you do not have the desire to gain blessings and are not constrained by your destination and outcome, and that you are easier and freer living without these things” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only in the Practice of the Truth Is There Life Entry). “Job did not talk of trades with God, and made no requests or demands of God. His praising of God’s name was because of the great power and authority of God in ruling all things, and it was not dependent on whether he gained blessings or was struck by disaster. He believed that regardless of whether God blesses people or brings disaster upon them, God’s power and authority will not change, and thus, regardless of a person’s circumstances, God’s name should be praised. That man is blessed by God is because of God’s sovereignty, and when disaster befalls man, so, too, it is because of God’s sovereignty. God’s power and authority rule over and arrange everything about man; the vagaries of man’s fortune are the manifestation of God’s power and authority, and regardless of one’s viewpoint, God’s name should be praised. This is what Job experienced and came to know during the years of his life. All of Job’s thoughts and actions reached the ears of God and arrived before God, and were seen as important by God. God cherished this knowledge of Job, and treasured Job for having such a heart. This heart awaited God’s command always, and in all places, and no matter what the time or place it welcomed whatever befell him. Job made no demands of God. What he demanded of himself was to wait for, accept, face, and submit to all of the arrangements that came from God; Job believed this to be his duty, and it was precisely what was wanted by God. … For Job’s heart was pure, and not hidden from God, and his humanity was honest and kind-hearted, and he loved justice and that which was positive. Only a man like this who was possessed of such a heart and humanity was able to follow the way of God, and capable of fearing God and shunning evil. Such a man could see God’s sovereignty, could see His authority and power, and was able to achieve submission to His sovereignty and arrangements. Only a man such as this could truly praise God’s name. That is because he did not look at whether God would bless him or bring disaster upon him, because he knew that everything is controlled by the hand of God, and that for man to worry is a sign of foolishness, ignorance, and a lack of reason, as well as a sign of doubting the fact of God’s sovereignty over all things, and of not fearing God. Job’s knowledge was precisely what God wanted” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God’s Work, God’s Disposition, and God Himself II). God’s words are very practical and they showed me a path of practice. When I face situations and feel that my hope of obtaining blessings has been shattered, I should pray to God, let go of my intention to gain blessings, and set aside my demands of Him. Even if in the end I do not receive blessings and cannot be saved, I must still hold to my duty and pursue the truth, and experience the environments God has orchestrated with an attitude of submission. In this way, the desire for blessings can no longer constrain me. Just like Job, he did not try to bargain with God and had no demands of Him. When trials came upon him, he lost all his possessions and children, and was even covered in painful sores, but he did not complain against God. He understood that people’s lives are in God’s hands, and that what environments a person experiences at each stage are predestined and arranged by God. And so, Job was always able to face everything arranged by God with an honest and submissive attitude. Compared to Job, I was falling so short! I was always trying to bargain with God, constantly worrying that if I was dismissed, I wouldn’t be saved or receive blessings. I was always demanding that God do this or that, and I didn’t feel comfortable entrusting myself to Him. In reality, when I’ll go to whichever place or do whichever duty, and when I’ll face trials, has already been arranged by God. The environments people experience are not important; what matters is the path they walk. Whether they will be saved or eliminated is not caused by the environments they encounter. If I always tried to bargain with God and sought blessings, but in the end, my disposition did not change at all, then even if I was not dismissed, I would still be eliminated. If I walked the path of pursuing the truth, and if, when facing failures and revelation, I could seek the truth and reflect on myself, and have changes in my life disposition, I would ultimately be saved by God. Understanding these things, I felt as though I had shed a heavy burden, gaining a sense of peace and ease. I prayed to God, “God, I have always worried about being dismissed while doing my duty, which led me to have a negative state and be passive in my duty. God, I was wrong. I need to emulate Job, not concerning myself with blessings or misfortune, and just seek the truth and submit to God in every situation, and fulfill my duty.”

After some time, some newcomers still attended gatherings irregularly. I felt anxious, and worried about being dismissed, so I quickly came before God in prayer, asking Him to guide me to submit to the situation. Regardless of whether I would be dismissed or not, what I was supposed to do was to reflect on myself and seek the truth principles. After praying, I felt much calmer. I began to ponder where the issue of these poor results in watering newcomers stemmed from. During discussions with other brothers and sisters, I discovered my deviations. When it came to newcomers with irregular attendance, I only briefly fellowshipped with them on the importance of gatherings, urged them, and prayed for their difficulties. As a result, some newcomers would attend one or two gatherings but then fall back into irregular attendance. The main issue was that I hadn’t grasped the root and crux of the problem. To resolve this issue, I needed to learn to do my duties according to the principles. In one respect, I had to improve the quality of church life. When brothers and sisters enjoyed and received provision through church life, they would naturally want to attend gatherings. In another respect, I needed to learn to discern different types of people. With regard to newcomers who pursued the truth, I needed to focus on watering them, helping them understand God’s words and God’s intentions. This was necessary for them to overcome various difficulties, and attend gatherings and do their duties normally. Regarding those who did not pursue the truth and were uninterested in gatherings, if they were confirmed as being disbelievers, I needed to give up on them, rather than continuing to do futile work. After understanding these things, I had a direction for doing my duties. Later, I organized for the waterers to study the principles together. We fellowshipped on how to improve the quality of church life, and they also shared effective methods with each other. After a period of time, the church life improved. Now, I still don’t get good results in my duties sometimes, but I no longer worry about whether I will be dismissed. Instead, I face the circumstances with a submissive attitude, seek the truth principles, and strive to do my duties well. This makes me feel at ease in my heart. Thank God for His guidance!