By Su Enze, China

I have high blood pressure, which is hereditary in my family. In 2013, I also developed severe headaches that occurred every one or two days. When the pain struck, I couldn’t do anything; I felt weak all over, couldn’t even stand, and the headaches were accompanied by toothaches and nausea. Even after I went to major hospitals, the cause couldn’t be diagnosed. Sometimes the pain was so intense that I felt like smashing my head against a wall, wishing I were dead, but seeing my wife and newborn child, I held on. Later, my mother shared Almighty God’s gospel of the last days with me, and I placed my hope in God, thinking that since God is almighty, if I believed in Him wholeheartedly, He might bless me and heal my illness. After I started believing in God, my condition eased somewhat. One day, I read these words of God: “To those who sincerely expend for Me, I shall surely bless you greatly” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 55). I was elated and became even more convinced that as long as I made an effort to expend for God, I would be blessed by Him in the future. Later, I gave up my high-paying job to devote myself full-time to my duty, and no matter how much suffering or hardship I endured, I was willing and happy to do so. During those years, my headaches improved significantly, and the frequency of attacks decreased. A few years later, while I was doing my duty away from home, I met a sister who was a doctor. She told me that my headaches were caused by trigeminal neuralgia and prescribed some medication that cost just over ten yuan. To my surprise, after taking the medication for two months, my trigeminal neuralgia miraculously disappeared. The chronic illness I had suffered from for years was gone, and I was overjoyed. I knew that, on the surface, it seemed like the medication had cured me, but in reality, it was God’s grace that had come upon me. It seemed that expending for God indeed brought rewards, so I became even more dedicated to doing my duty.

In July 2023, I started feeling constantly groggy, and sometimes I also had headaches and dizziness. At first, I didn’t think much of it, figuring that since I had high blood pressure, occasional dizziness was normal. But after more than a month with no improvement, the symptoms worsened to the point where I could only do my duty in the morning. By the afternoon and evening, my head would be spinning and aching, and my left hand would go numb. When the dizziness became severe, I would lie down for a while to rest. One day, after coming out of the bathroom, I felt so dizzy that I quickly leaned against the wall and closed my eyes, but I unexpectedly passed out after a short while. When I came around, I felt intense pain on the back of my head and realized I was lying on the cement floor. After my brother helped me up, I noticed that I had broken the door frame when I fell, and there was a large bump on the back of my head. I thought to myself, “It’s a good thing I first fell against the door frame; if the back of my head had struck the ground directly, the consequences would have been unimaginable!” So, I went to the hospital for a checkup, and the diagnosis was a cerebral infarction. I was shocked and asked the doctor, “How could I have a cerebral infarction at such a young age? Isn’t that a disease for elderly people? Could there be a mistake?” The doctor repeatedly confirmed that it was a cerebral infarction and arranged for me to be hospitalized. He said that for someone so young to have small blood vessels blocked, if they weren’t treated promptly, it could lead to blockage of the main vessels, which would be troublesome. The doctor’s words weighed heavily on my heart like a stone. I had seen many elderly people with cerebral infarction—some were severely paralyzed on one side of the body, with slurred speech, crooked mouths and skewed eyes, and impaired mental faculties. I was terrified of becoming like them, thinking, “If I end up like that, how will I be able to eat and drink God’s words and do my duty? Without doing my duty, how can I gain salvation?” These thoughts made me feel anxious and wronged, and I began to complain, “For all these years, I’ve left my family and career behind. Even though my relatives and friends ridiculed and slandered me, I never gave up my faith in God. I’ve been through so many difficult times to do my duty, so why didn’t God protect me? Why did He let me get this illness? If I hadn’t gotten sick, wouldn’t I be able to do my duty even better?” Especially during my hospital stay, I was the youngest among nearly a hundred patients, and when the patients around me learned that I had this condition, they were shocked and said, “It’s understandable for the elderly to have this disease, but how could someone as young as you have a cerebral infarction?” Hearing this made me feel even worse. Seeing several patients in the ICU who had collapsed from sudden cerebral infarctions, with oxygen tubes attached, and drifting in and out of consciousness, I worried whether I might wind up like that if I passed out again. I thought, “How could I have been so unlucky to end up with such a disease as this?” I felt anxious and uneasy. After a period of treatment, my condition was brought under control. After returning home, I focused on taking care of my health, afraid of overexerting myself, and my thoughts were no longer on my duty.

One night, as I lay in bed, I reflected on how I hadn’t been as attentive to my duties these past few days because I was focused on taking care of my health, and I felt a bit guilty. The next day, I prayed before God, “Almighty God, ever since I found out that I have a cerebral infarction, I’ve been constantly worried about it recurring and causing me to pass out again. I’m afraid that if I fall seriously and my life is in danger, I won’t be able to gain salvation. As a result, I haven’t been in the right state to do my duty, and I’ve been more concerned with preserving my health. God, I ask You to grant me faith and guide me to seek the truth to resolve my state.” After praying, I recalled the words of God that a sister had sent me before I was hospitalized: “Everyone’s lifespan has been predetermined by God. An illness may appear to be terminal from a medical standpoint, but from God’s point of view, if your life must still go on and your time has yet to come, then you couldn’t die even if you wanted to. If God has given you a commission, and your mission is not over, then you will not even die from an illness that is supposed to be fatal—God will not take you yet. Even if you do not pray and seek the truth, or do not attend to treating your illness, or even if you put off your treatment, you will not die. This is particularly true for those who have received a commission from God: When their mission has yet to be completed, no matter what illness befalls them, they must not die straight away; they must live until the final moment of the mission’s completion. Do you have this faith? If you do not, you will only offer some superficial prayers to God, saying, ‘God! I have to complete the commission You gave me. I want to spend my final days in loyalty to You, so that I will leave no regrets behind. You must protect me!’ Although you pray like this, if you don’t take the initiative to seek the truth, then you will not have the will and the strength to exercise loyalty. As you are not willing to pay the real price, you often use this kind of excuse and this method to pray to God and bargain with Him—is this a person who pursues the truth? If your illness were to be cured, would you really be able to perform your duty well? Not necessarily. The fact is that no matter whether your bargaining is meant to get your illness cured and keep you from dying, or whether you have some other intent or goal in it, from God’s point of view, if you can do your duty and are still of use, if God has decided that you are to be used, then you will not die. You will not be able to die even if you want to. But if you make trouble, and commit all manner of evil deeds, and aggravate God’s disposition, you will die swiftly; your life will be cut short. Everyone’s lifespan was determined by God before the creation of the world. If they can obey the arrangements and orchestrations of God, then regardless of whether they suffer illness or not, and whether they are in good or poor health, they will live the number of years predetermined by God. Do you have this faith? If you only acknowledge this based on doctrine, then you do not have true faith, and it is useless to say nice-sounding words; if you confirm from the bottom of your heart that God will do this, your approach and way of practice will naturally change” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). Through reading God’s words, I understood that a person’s life and death, as well as their lifespan, are all ordained by God. When a person’s mission on earth is completed, their lifespan comes to an end, which is when their life ends. If a person’s mission is not yet complete, no matter how serious their illness, their life will not end. I realized that a person’s time of death has nothing to do with the illness they have but is instead determined by God’s ordination. I thought of some brothers and sisters who were diagnosed with very serious illnesses, and the doctors had announced that they didn’t have long to live, yet in the end, their illnesses were miraculously cured. I also heard of a case where a little boy passed away just because of a cold. This showed me that a person’s life and death have nothing to do with the severity of their illness but are determined by God’s ordination. However, I hadn’t seen this matter clearly. After learning that I had a cerebral infarction, I lived in fear and worry, afraid that my condition would worsen, that I might pass out again, and that a severe fall could endanger my life, causing me to lose the opportunity to gain salvation. I even complained about why God didn’t protect me and allowed me to get such an illness. As a result, my enthusiasm for doing my duty diminished, and I became solely focused on preserving my health, which revealed that I didn’t have true faith in God. Now I understood that what I could do was to calm my heart, diligently do my duty well, and entrust my life and death to God, allowing Him to orchestrate everything. When I thought this way, I no longer felt the same sorrow and worry as before, and my heart could engage in doing my duty.

Later, I read these words of God: “Some people think that believing in God should bring peace and joy, and that if they encounter situations, they only need to pray to God and God will lend His ear, grant them grace and blessings, and ensure everything goes peacefully and smoothly for them. Their purpose in believing in God is to seek grace, gain blessings, and enjoy peace and happiness. It is because of these views that they forsake their families or quit their jobs to expend themselves for God and can endure hardship and pay a price. They believe that as long as they forsake things, expend themselves for God, endure hardship, and work diligently, displaying exceptional behavior, they will gain God’s blessings and favor, and that no matter what difficulties they encounter, as long as they pray to God, He will resolve them and open up a path for them in everything. This is the viewpoint held by the majority of people who believe in God. People feel that this viewpoint is legitimate and correct. Many people’s ability to maintain their faith in God for years without giving up their faith is directly related to this viewpoint. They think, ‘I have expended so much for God, my behavior has been so good, and I haven’t done any evil deeds; God will surely bless me. Because I have suffered a lot and paid a great price for every task, doing everything according to God’s words and requirements without making any mistakes, God should bless me; He should ensure everything goes smoothly for me, and that I often have peace and joy in my heart, and enjoy God’s presence.’ Isn’t this a human notion and imagining? From a human perspective, people enjoy God’s grace and receive benefits, so it makes sense to have to suffer a bit for this, and it’s worthwhile to exchange this suffering for God’s blessings. This is a mentality of making deals with God. However, from the perspective of the truth and from God’s perspective, this fundamentally does not conform to the principles of God’s work nor the standards God requires of people. It is entirely wishful thinking, purely a human notion and imagining about believing in God. Whether it involves making deals with or demanding things from God, or contains human notions and imaginings, in any case, none of it aligns with God’s requirements, nor does it meet God’s principles and standards for blessing people. In particular, this transactional thought and viewpoint offends God’s disposition, but people do not realize it. When what God does doesn’t align with people’s notions, they quickly develop complaints and misunderstandings about Him in their hearts. They even feel wronged and then begin to reason with God, and they may even judge and condemn Him. Regardless of what notions and misunderstandings people develop, from God’s perspective, He never acts or treats anyone according to human notions or wishes. God always does what He desires to do, according to His own way and based on His own disposition essence. God has principles in how He treats every person; nothing He does to each person is based on human notions, imaginings, or preferences—this is the aspect of God’s work that is most at odds with human notions. When God arranges an environment for people that completely contradicts their notions and imaginings, they form notions, judgments, and condemnations against God in their hearts, and may even deny Him. Can God then satisfy their needs? Absolutely not. God will never change His way of working and His desires according to human notions. Who is it that needs to change then? It is people. People need to let go of their notions, accept, submit to, and experience the environments arranged by God, and seek the truth to resolve their own notions, instead of measuring what God does against their notions to see if it is correct. When people insist on holding onto their notions, they develop resistance against God—this happens naturally. Where does the root of resistance lie? It lies in the fact that what people usually possess in their hearts are without a doubt their notions and imaginings and not the truth. Therefore, when faced with God’s work not aligning with human notions, people can defy God and make judgments against Him. This proves that people fundamentally lack a heart of submission to God, their corrupt disposition is far from being cleansed, and they essentially live according to their corrupt disposition. They are still incredibly far from attaining salvation” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (16)). “Some people, regardless of the environment they encounter, do not seek the truth. Instead, they evaluate all the environments God orchestrates based on their notions, imaginings, and whether or not it benefits them. Their considerations always revolve around their own interests; they always care about how great a benefit they can gain, how much their interests can be satisfied in terms of material things, money, and fleshly enjoyment; and they always make decisions and treat everything God arranges based on these factors. And ultimately, after racking their brains, they choose not to submit to the environment arranged by God but to escape and avoid it. Because of their resistance, rejection, and avoidance, they distance themselves from God’s words, miss out on life experience, and suffer losses, bringing pain and torment to their hearts. The more they oppose such environments, the more and greater the suffering they endure. When such a situation arises, the little faith that they have in God is ultimately crushed. At this moment, the notions that dominate their hearts all surge up at once: ‘I have expended myself for god for so long, yet I didn’t expect god to treat me this way. God is unfair, he doesn’t love people! God said that those who sincerely expend themselves for Him will surely be greatly blessed. I have sincerely expended myself for god, I have forsaken my family and career, endured hardships, and worked hard—why hasn’t god greatly blessed me? Where are god’s blessings? Why can’t I feel or see them? Why does god treat people unfairly? Why doesn’t god stick to his word? People say that god is faithful, but why can’t I feel it? Leaving everything else aside, just in this environment, I haven’t felt that god is faithful at all!’ Because people have notions, they are easily duped and misguided by them. Even when God arranges environments for people’s dispositional change and for their life growth, they find it hard to accept and they misunderstand God. They think this is not God’s blessing and that God doesn’t like them. They believe that they have sincerely expended themselves for God, but God has not fulfilled His promises. These people, who do not pursue the truth, are thus so easily revealed through the single trial of some minor environment” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (16)). God exposes that people have a certain notion in their belief in Him: They think that as long as they forsake things and expend for God, and endure suffering and make sacrifices for Him, then God should bless them, watch over and protect them, and grant them peace of mind and joy. When God doesn’t satisfy them according to their notions, they argue with Him, misunderstand Him, and complain about Him. This is exactly what I had done. When I first came to believe in God, I had thought that as long as I believed in God wholeheartedly and was willing to suffer hardship and pay a price in doing my duty, then God would bless me, making my health improve. Driven by this viewpoint, I had forsaken my family and career over the years to do my duty, and even when my trigeminal neuralgia had caused severe headaches, or when my high blood pressure had led to dizziness, vomiting, and overall weakness, I had never delayed my duty. I had often comforted myself with the thought that God would consider my suffering and expenditure and watch over and protect me, and that in the future He would bestow great blessings upon me. However, when I’d learned that I had a cerebral infarction, I had felt wronged. I had thought that God hadn’t blessed me with good health; on the contrary, He had allowed me to get this illness, and instead of receiving blessings, I had suffered misfortune. This had filled me with misunderstandings and complaints toward God, and I had even argued with Him, “If I had good health, wouldn’t I be able to do my duty even better?” I realized that in all these years of believing in God, I had simply been trying to bargain with God and demanding things from Him. When God had healed my illness, I had been enthusiastic and diligent in my duty, but when God hadn’t satisfied me, my motivation to do my duty and expend for Him had diminished. I had been nothing but a despicable nobody bent solely on benefiting myself, eagerly pursuing blessings while avoiding hardship. I truly had been utterly selfish! My efforts had been clearly for myself and for the sake of gaining blessings, yet I had pompously claimed they were for the sake of satisfying God and doing my duty. How utterly shameless!

Later, I read a passage where God exposes and dissects the state of people who believe in Him solely for the purpose of gaining blessings. God says: “What is the biggest issue in their relationship with God? It is that they never regarded themselves as a created being and never regarded God as the Creator to worship in the first place. From the beginning of their belief in God, they treated God as a money tree, a treasure trove; they regarded Him as a Bodhisattva to deliver them from suffering and disaster, and regarded themselves as a follower of this Bodhisattva, this idol. They thought that believing in God was like believing in Buddha, where just by eating vegetarian food, reciting scriptures, and frequently burning incense and kowtowing, they could get what they wanted. Thus, all the stories that developed after they believed in God happened within the realm of their notions and imaginings. They displayed none of the manifestations of a created being accepting the truth from the Creator, nor did they display any of the submission that a created being should have toward the Creator; there was only continuous demanding, continuous calculating, and incessant requesting. This all ultimately led to the breakdown of their relationship with God. This kind of relationship is transactional and can never stand firm; it is only a matter of time before such people are revealed” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (16)). After reading God’s words, I felt deeply ashamed. What God described was exactly my own viewpoint and pursuit. Those who worship Buddha or Guanyin treat them as sources of wealth and protection. To gain promotions, get rich, and keep their family healthy, they kowtow, burn incense, become a vegetarian, and recite Buddhist scriptures to exchange for the things they desire. Their pursuit is entirely for personal gain. Similarly, after coming to believe in God, I had mistakenly thought that, as long as people expend themselves and make sacrifices in believing in God, they would be rewarded, in the sense that God would watch over and protect them and bestow endless grace on them. I had treated God as a talisman, a provider of grace and peace of mind. When I’d been diagnosed with a cerebral infarction, I had complained that God hadn’t watched over or protected me. I had argued and made demands, showing not the slightest submission to God, and thereby completely failing to treat Him as God. What difference was there between my viewpoint on belief and that of those who worship Buddha or Guanyin? In the last days, God’s main work involves expressing the truth to judge and chastise people, so as to purify and save them. I hadn’t pursued the truth, but rather, I had treated God like Buddha or Guanyin, believing that He would bestow benefits on people based on their outward contributions and efforts. This clearly reflected the viewpoint of disbelievers and, even more so, was a form of blasphemy against God! I also recalled the account in the Bible of the 5,000 people who followed the Lord Jesus up the mountain. They weren’t seeking to hear His teachings, but were after blessings and grace. They only saw the Lord as a benefactor, being people who seek to eat their fill of loaves, and the Lord Jesus did not acknowledge the faith of such people. My belief in God had also been for the purpose of seeking gain and benefit from Him. This was not true faith, but rather, the viewpoint of a disbeliever who seeks to eat their fill of loaves, and ultimately, I too would certainly be rejected and eliminated by God. I felt afraid in my heart and came before God to pray, “Oh God, in the many years I have believed in You, I have treated You as someone to demand grace from, believing in You with the same viewpoint as those who worship Buddha and Guanyin, by likewise demanding grace and blessings from You. This viewpoint is wrong, and I am willing to repent and change course.”

Later, I read a passage of God’s words: “God says, ‘To those who sincerely expend for Me, I shall surely bless you greatly’—are these words not the truth? These words are one hundred percent the truth. They contain no impetuousness or deception. They are not lies or grand-sounding ideas, much less are they some kind of spiritual theory—they are the truth. What is the essence of these words of truth? It is that you must be sincere when you expend yourself for God. What does ‘sincere’ mean? Willing and without impurities; not motivated by money or fame, and certainly not for your own intentions, desires, and goals. You expend yourself not because you are forced to, or because you are incited, coaxed, or pulled along, but rather, it comes from within you, willingly; it is born out of conscience and reason. This is what it means to be sincere. In terms of the willingness to expend yourself for God, this is what it means to be sincere. Then how does being sincere manifest itself in practical terms when you expend yourself for God? You do not engage in falsehood or cheating, do not resort to trickery to avoid work, and do not do things perfunctorily; you devote all your heart and mind, doing all you can, and so forth—there are too many details to mention here! In short, being sincere incorporates the truth principles. There is a standard and principle behind God’s requirements for man” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (16)). From God’s words, I understood the true meaning of the words “To those who sincerely expend for Me, I shall surely bless you greatly.” This statement is directed at those who are dedicated to pursuing the truth and fulfilling their duties to satisfy God. They do not seek personal gain or misunderstand and complain about God when faced with calamities. They can willingly forsake things and expend themselves for God, and such people are pleasing to God and will certainly receive His blessings in the future. Take Job as an example: He always followed God’s way, frequently prayed to God, and offered sacrifices. Even when his wealth and children were taken away and he was afflicted with painful sores, Job did not blame God. Instead, he said, “Jehovah gave, and Jehovah has taken away; blessed be the name of Jehovah” (Job 1:21). Job truly worshiped God. He did not treat God as an object of demand, much less view his regular acts of worship and sacrifices as the capital to obtain grace and blessings. When he lost everything, he still did not complain about God. His genuine faith and submission ultimately led to God’s blessings. When I looked at myself, I realized that I did not correctly understand God’s words. I mistakenly believed that as long as I could forsake things, expend myself, endure suffering, and pay the price for my faith, I would eventually receive blessings, peace, and health. My way of pursuit is the exact opposite of Job’s. I used my sacrifices and expenditures as a means to demand grace and blessings from God, believing in Him solely for the sake of my selfish desires and personal gain. When faced with illness, I even complained about God. I was truly ashamed, as I was not comparable to Job at all. Now I understood that as a created being, I should believe in and worship God. Doing my duty is my responsibility, it is perfectly natural and justified, and it has nothing to do with receiving blessings or suffering misfortune. Even when faced with adversities and illness, I should still submit to God and stand firm in my witness.

In March 2024, I experienced another recurrence of cerebral infarction. My left hand felt numb, and I was constantly dizzy. I worried that if I fell again and it was severe, I wouldn’t be able to do my duty—how could I then pursue salvation? Looking at the brothers around me, all of whom were in better health than I was, I felt envious, thinking, “Why can’t I have a healthy body like everyone else?” When I had these thoughts, I realized that I was complaining again, and I read these words of God: “Blessings, grace, rewards, crowns—how all these things are given and to whom is up to God. Why is it up to God? These things belong to God; they are not assets owned jointly between man and God that can be equally distributed between them. They belong to God, and God bestows them upon those whom He promises to bestow them upon. If God doesn’t promise to bestow them upon you, you should still submit to Him. If you stop believing in God for this reason, what problems will that solve? Will you stop being a created being? Can you escape the sovereignty of God? God still holds sovereignty over all things, and this is an immutable fact. The identity, status, and essence of God can never be equated with the identity, status, and essence of man, nor will these things ever undergo any change—God will forever be God, and man will forever be man. If a person is able to understand this, what should they then do? They should submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements—this is the most rational way to go about things, and besides this, there is no other path that can be chosen” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Twelve: They Want to Withdraw When They Have No Status or No Hope of Gaining Blessings). God’s words woke me up in time. I should see my own identity and status clearly. I am merely a created being, while God is the Creator. Yet, I had kept wanting to dictate how God should act and treat me—this was without reason. I had been afraid that if my cerebral infarction recurred and I couldn’t do my duty, I would lose my chance for salvation, so I had demanded that God grant me the same good health as the other brothers. This too was a lack of submission! I should submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements, doing my best to do my duty—this was the reason I should have. So I came before God to pray, “Oh God, no matter how severe the recurrences of my cerebral infarction might be, may You keep me from complaining so that I can hold fast to my duty.” A few days later, I went to the hospital for a check-up. The doctor said that my condition was pretty well controlled, and that I only needed to take my medication normally. Hearing this news made me very happy. To think that it had been over seven months since my last treatment, and I was still able to do my duties normally—this was all due to God’s grace, and I was truly grateful for God’s mercy.

Almighty God says: “When God arranges for someone to get an illness, whether major or minor, His purpose in doing so is not to make you appreciate the ins and outs of being sick, the harm the illness does to you, the inconveniences and difficulties the illness causes you, and all the myriad feelings the illness causes you to feel—His purpose is not for you to appreciate sickness through being sick. Rather, His purpose is for you to learn the lessons from sickness, to learn how to grasp God’s intentions, to know the corrupt dispositions you reveal and the wrong attitudes you adopt toward God when you’re sick, and to learn how to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements, so that you can achieve true submission to God and be able to stand firm in your testimony—this is absolutely key. God wishes to save you and cleanse you through sickness. What about you does He wish to cleanse? He wishes to cleanse all your extravagant desires and demands toward God, and even cleanse the various plans, judgments, and schemes you make at all costs to survive and live. God does not ask you to make plans, He does not ask you to judge, and He does not allow you to have any extravagant desires toward Him; He requires only that you submit to Him and, in your practice and experience of submitting, to know your own attitude toward sickness, and to know your attitude toward these bodily conditions He gives to you, as well as your own personal wishes. When you come to know these things, you can then appreciate how beneficial it is for you that God has arranged the circumstances of the illness for you or that He has given you these bodily conditions; and you can appreciate just how helpful they are to changing your disposition, to you attaining salvation, and to your life entry” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). I read this passage of God’s words over and over again and felt that this illness contained God’s heartfelt intention. God intended to save me and help me understand myself, leading to a transformation in my disposition. When I first believed in God, I had the intention of gaining blessings. Over the years, I had no real understanding of my intention to gain blessings. Since God is holy, my corrupt disposition would prevent me from being saved if it wasn’t resolved by the end of God’s work. This illness revealed my desire for blessings, and my demands and notions toward God, prompting me to seek the truth, repent, and change. This was God’s salvation for me. However, I didn’t understand God’s intention and harbored misunderstandings and complaints against Him. It’s like a child who walks down a path of committing crimes. When parents use stern measures to help the child correct their ways, their intentions are for the child’s good. But if the child doesn’t understand the parents’ hearts and feels that their parents don’t care for them, the child is unreasonable and disheartening to the parents. Am I not just that child who is ignorant and unable to discern right from wrong? Despite my misunderstandings and complaints, God still quietly guided me with His words, helping me awaken from my negative and rebellious state. The more I thought about it, the more I felt ashamed and guilty. From now on, regardless of whether my illness improves or worsens, even if it endangers my life, I do not wish to misunderstand or complain about God anymore. I am willing to submit to God’s arrangements and orchestrations.

After experiencing this illness, I gained some understanding of my intention to seek blessings and had a true appreciation of God’s earnest efforts to save people. I am grateful for God’s guidance that led me to these gains!