By Yang Yue, China

In February 2021, I was doing my duty of text-based work in the church. At that time, the effectiveness of our team’s work was declining, and after the supervisor learned of this, she discovered that there was no harmonious cooperation in the team. Sister Xiaoyue and team leader Xu Li were competing for fame and gain, and Xiaoyue was defiant because she was not chosen as the team leader. She often nitpicked Xu Li’s work arrangements, which severely affected the work, so the supervisor reassigned Xiaoyue’s duty. The supervisor also exposed me, saying, “You clearly knew that Xiaoyue and the team leader were competing for fame and gain, yet you didn’t fellowship to help, and often sided with Xiaoyue, agreeing with her, which caused the team leader to feel so negative that she wanted to resign. You didn’t protect the church’s work at all. Do you know the essence and consequences of acting this way?” At that time, I had no awareness at all, and I argued back internally, thinking, “How can the poor effectiveness of the team’s work be blamed on me? If Xiaoyue’s suggestions were actually correct, I would accept them. How can you say that I was forming cliques with her to undermine the team leader?” But I knew that this situation had been allowed by God, and that I should start by submitting to it. That evening, I came before God and prayed, “Oh God, I’m not aware of the problems pointed out by the supervisor. Please enlighten and guide me!” After praying, I began to reflect.

In September 2020, Xu Li and I followed up on the work of sermon articles in several churches together. Although we sometimes had differing opinions and there was some friction, we could still cooperate harmoniously through open fellowship with each other. By mid-November, two more sisters were added to the team, and we needed to select a team leader. We unanimously chose Xu Li as the team leader. Xu Li had a fairly outspoken personality, and when she saw that we revealed corruption or had no sense of burden for our duties, she would point it out during gatherings, and lead us to eat and drink God’s words to reflect and know ourselves. At first, I thought this kind of practice was quite good. But later, Xu Li pointed out my problems in front of the two other sisters, and her tone was rather harsh. This made me lose face, and I found it a bit hard to accept. I developed a bias against her, and our relationship gradually became more distant. I remember one time during our devotionals together, after reading God’s words, Xu Li shared her fellowship first, but before she finished, I jumped in with my own fellowship. Xu Li, with a stern face and a hard tone, said to me, “Sister, I see you tend to cut in, but this disrupts others’ train of thought.” I felt really embarrassed, my face burned hot, and I thought, “I know that it was unreasonable and wrong for me to speak out of turn, but you shouldn’t have pointed out my problem in front of everyone. What will the new sisters think of me now? Couldn’t you have pointed out my shortcomings in private? Aren’t you deliberately trying to embarrass me?” Another time, I was discussing a sermon article with two sisters, and the two sisters did not agree with my viewpoint. I thought I grasped the principles more accurately than they did, so I insisted on my own view and argued with them. Xu Li watched us arguing for quite a while, and said I had an arrogant disposition and shouldn’t argue with the sisters out of hotheadedness. She said I should fellowship principles with the sisters and that we should learn from each other’s strengths. I couldn’t accept this and felt very resistant, thinking, “Why do you always prune me? Do you think I’m an easy target? When we cooperated before, I didn’t mind you pruning me, but now you always prune me in front of the sisters, deliberately embarrassing me. What will the sisters think of me now?” The more I thought about it, the angrier I became, thinking, “If you prune me like this, I’ll point out your issues too when I get the chance, so you can feel what it’s like to be embarrassed!”

Later, Xiaoyue felt disgruntled because she wasn’t chosen as the team leader and started fighting with Xu Li, both directly and indirectly. She constantly picked at faults in Xu Li’s work arrangements, and when the evening’s work stretched on longer than usual, Xiaoyue would go on at me, complaining about how Xu Li didn’t know how to arrange work. During one gathering, Xiaoyue subtly aimed her criticisms at Xu Li under the guise of sharing her own corruption, accusing Xu Li of procrastinating, and praising the former team leader for being capable, good at arranging work, and for how they could get all of their work handled on the day it was assigned. After hearing this, I felt something was off, thinking, “You’re not really knowing yourself, you’re just complaining that Xu Li lacks work capability. The team has dozens of sermon articles piled up, and Xu Li just asked us to work extra hours to sift through them quickly for the sake of the work. Even if she isn’t doing well in some aspects, you could just talk to her about it when you get the chance. Talking like this is liable to make her feel constrained.” I wanted to point out Xiaoyue’s problem, but then I thought about how Xu Li had pruned me a few times before, how someone was finally speaking in my interest, and that today, it was her turn to feel what it was like to be pruned. So I chimed in and said, “Since the previous leader’s way of working was good, let’s start using it again. This way we can work more efficiently.” Unexpectedly, as soon as I finished speaking, Xu Li, with tears of guilt in her eyes, said, “I really don’t know how to arrange work. Please help me more if you see my shortcomings in the future.” I felt uneasy seeing her so distressed.

Some time later, because our team’s work results had slipped, the leader came over to summarize the deviations with us. Xiaoyue and I kept pointing out areas where Xu Li was inadequate. Xu Li was very embarrassed and said, “If you find any problems, please help me correct them.” The next day at the gathering, Xu Li talked about her arrogance and conceit, her eagerness for quick results in her duty, her focus on working for the show, and how when seeing that the leader valued her, she wanted to do the work well as quickly as possible, to leave a good impression on the leader. After her fellowship, she asked us to point out her issues. I thought to myself, “Since you brought it up yourself, I might as well take this opportunity to make you look bad in front of the other sisters.” So I blurted out all her issues, saying she was arrogant and conceited, liked to show off, was arbitrary, and overly concerned with reputation and status. Xiaoyue also chimed in. Xu Li lowered her head under our criticisms. When I saw that she wasn’t saying anything, I wondered if I had gone too far. But then I thought what I said was true, and that pointing out her issues would help her reflect on herself. Later, Xu Li became more timid and hesitant in arranging work, and for some things she could originally handle by herself, she now discussed with us. Xiaoyue would occasionally praise how the former leader was good at arranging work, which made Xu Li feel like she lacked work capability, wallow in a state of inferiority, and become negative. Because I often sided with Xiaoyue, she became more and more savage, sometimes even taking over the arrangement of the team’s work and sidelining Xu Li. Sometimes, Xiaoyue would also openly prune and exclude Xu Li in front of us, and I would either echo her or remain silent. Xu Li was heavily constrained by Xiaoyue, and she sank into a deeper and deeper state of despondency, feeling that she couldn’t be a leader and wanting to resign. I realized that Xiaoyue’s competition for fame and gain with Xu Li had affected the work and that I should have pointed out Xiaoyue’s problems. But when I thought about how Xu Li had pruned me twice before, I just turned a blind eye. After all, if the work was ineffective, she was the one who would be pruned by the supervisor, and then she would also taste the bitterness of losing face. Because we didn’t cooperate harmoniously, the work fell into a period of near-complete paralysis. Reflecting on my behavior, I felt a bit afraid, seeing how I was capable of doing such malicious things just to get back at Xu Li. I wasn’t protecting the work of the church at all. If it hadn’t been for the supervisor pointing it out, I wouldn’t have known to reflect on myself.

Later, I read a passage of God’s words: “By the phrase ‘inclined toward vengeance,’ it is evident these people are not anything good; colloquially speaking, they are bad apples. Judging from the consistent manifestations and revelations of their humanity, as well as their principles of action, their hearts are not kind. As the common saying goes, they are ‘nasty pieces of work.’ We say they are not of the kind sort; more specifically, these individuals are not kind-hearted but carry viciousness, maliciousness, and cruelty. Once someone says or does something that touches upon these individuals’ interests, face, or status, or that offends them, for one thing, they harbor hostility in their hearts. For another, on the basis of this hostility, they act; they act with the objective and direction of venting their hatred and relieving their anger, a behavior known as seeking vengeance. There’s always a portion of individuals like this among people. Whether it’s what people describe as being petty, domineering, or overly sensitive, regardless of the terms used to describe or summarize their humanity, the common manifestation of their interactions with others is that anyone who accidentally or intentionally hurts or offends them must suffer and face the corresponding consequences. It’s like some people say: ‘Offend them, and you’ll get more than you bargained for. If you trigger or hurt them, don’t think of escaping lightly.’ Do such individuals exist among people? (Yes.) They certainly do” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (25)). “How do antichrists manifest their insidiousness and ruthlessness? (In their ability to fabricate lies and frame others.) Fabricating lies and framing others involve both habitually lying and being insidious and ruthless; these two traits are closely linked. For example, if they commit a misdeed and don’t want to take responsibility, they create an illusory appearance, tell lies, and make people believe it was someone else’s doing, not their own. They shift the blame onto someone else, making them bear the consequences. This is not only wicked and vile, but it is even more insidious and ruthless. What are some other manifestations of antichrists’ insidiousness and ruthlessness? (They can torment, attack, and retaliate against people.) Being able to torment people is ruthless. Anyone who poses a threat to their status, reputation, or prestige, or anyone who is unfavorable to them, they will go to great lengths to attack and retaliate against them. Sometimes, they may even use others to harm people—this is insidiousness and ruthlessness” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Excursus Four: Summarizing the Character of Antichrists and Their Disposition Essence (Part One)). God exposes that those who are inclined toward vengeance are not good people and that their humanity is malicious. Wasn’t this the way I was behaving? Reflecting on my previous cooperation with Xu Li, I could accept the sister pointing out my problems, because it involved only the two of us and didn’t really touch on my pride. Later, when Xu Li became the team leader, she exposed my issues in front of the sisters twice, which made me lose face. This made me hold a grudge and want to find a chance to take revenge on her. It happened that Xiaoyue was in competition for fame and gain with Xu Li, seizing on Xu Li’s faults, so I took this opportunity to echo Xiaoyue and say things that praised others and belittled Xu Li, which led Xu Li to feel even more inferior and live in a negative state. When Xu Li asked us to point out her issues, I seized the opportunity to highlight the corruptions she revealed and exaggerate it, with the intention of making her lose face, in an attempt to regain some of my own face. My constant support for Xiaoyue made her increasingly overbearing, often picking on Xu Li and excluding her, which led Xu Li to become so negative that she wanted to resign. I intended to point out Xiaoyue’s problems, but when I remembered how Xu Li had pruned me and made me lose face, I turned a blind eye and just sat back and let Xiaoyue disrupt and disturb the team. I even hoped that the supervisor would prune Xu Li or replace her, so she could also taste the bitterness of losing face. Wasn’t I taking revenge and attacking people? On the surface, I remained calm, but behind the scenes, I formed a clique with Xiaoyue to attack and exclude the team leader, intending to take revenge without others even realizing it. My methods were like those of an antichrist, using others to do my dirty work. This was so sinister and malicious! I’d thought my humanity was acceptable and that I didn’t have a vengeful heart, but that was just because my interests weren’t affected. Once my interests were encroached upon, my malicious nature was exposed. Through this revelation, I saw that my humanity wasn’t good, and that I was capable of doing such malicious things just to protect my face. I disrupted and disturbed the work and constrained and harmed Xu Li, and I had also left serious transgressions in my wake. The more I thought about it, the more indebted I felt to God, so I repented to Him.

After that, I began to wonder, what was it that controlled me in revealing this aspect of my disposition? I read another passage of God’s words: “Attack and retaliation is one type of action and revelation which comes from a malicious satanic nature. It is also a kind of corrupt disposition. People think like this: ‘If you are unkind to me, I’ll do wrong to you! If you don’t treat me with dignity, why would I treat you with dignity?’ What sort of thinking is this? Is it not a retaliatory way of thinking? In the views of an ordinary person, is this not a valid perspective? Does it not hold water? ‘I will not attack unless I am attacked; if I am attacked, I will certainly counterattack,’ and ‘Here’s a taste of your own medicine’—the nonbelievers often say such things; among them, these are all rationales that hold water and completely conform to human notions. Yet how should those who believe in God and pursue the truth view these words? Are these ideas correct? (No.) Why are they not correct? How should they be discerned? Where do these things originate? (From Satan.) They originate from Satan, of this there is no doubt. Which of Satan’s dispositions do they come from? They come from the malicious nature of Satan; they contain venom, and they contain the true face of Satan in all its maliciousness and ugliness. They contain this kind of nature essence. What is the character of the perspectives, thoughts, revelations, speech, and even actions that contain that kind of nature essence? Without any doubt, it is man’s corrupt disposition—it is the disposition of Satan. Are these satanic things in line with God’s words? Are they in line with the truth? Do they have a basis in God’s words? (No.) Are they the actions that followers of God should do, and the thoughts and points of view that they should possess? Are these thoughts and courses of action in line with the truth? (No.)” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only Resolving One’s Corrupt Disposition Can Bring About True Transformation). After reading this passage of God’s words, I understood that the reason why I had a mindset of revenge, was mainly because I lived by the philosophies of Satan, like “I will not attack unless I am attacked; if I am attacked, I will certainly counterattack,” “A tooth for a tooth, an eye for an eye,” and “It is never too late for a gentleman to take his revenge.” These satanic poisons made me become selfish, deceitful, insidious, and malicious. Once others encroached on my pride or interests, I held a grudge, and tried to think up ways and seek opportunities to take revenge, completely losing my humanity and reason. Xu Li just pointed out my issues in front of two sisters, but I felt I had lost face and developed a desire to take revenge, joining Xiaoyue in attacking and excluding her. I had been truly malicious! The truth was, it was appropriate for Xu Li to point out that my interrupting and breaking others’ train of thought in fellowship in gatherings was a disturbance. During discussions with the sisters about sermon articles, I did not lead them to seek the truth principles, but argued with them by relying on my arrogant disposition instead, with the aim of making them listen to me. Xu Li pruning me for my arrogant disposition was not to make things difficult for me, but to help me know myself and do my duty well. This was a manifestation of having a sense of justice. But I did not accept this from God. Instead, I regarded her who helped me as my enemy, and secretly wanted to take revenge, even joining Xiaoyue in attacking and excluding Xu Li. This was the revelation of an antichrist disposition. I saw just how terrifying it is to live by these satanic poisons! I thought about the antichrists expelled from the church. They were focused on protecting their reputation and status, and didn’t allow anyone to expose or point out their issues, and they tormented anyone who exposed their problems. They didn’t uphold the work of God’s house at all, and in the end, they were expelled due to their many evil deeds. How was my behavior any different from that of an antichrist? If I didn’t change, I would be revealed and eliminated. I saw that living by satanic poisons left me with no humanity, disrupted and disturbed church work, and incurred God’s hatred and disgust. I shouldn’t continue living by satanic poisons.

Later, I read another passage of God’s words: “If believers are just as casual and unrestrained in their speech and conduct as nonbelievers are, then they are even more wicked than nonbelievers; they are archetypal demons. Those who give vent to their poisonous, malicious talk within the church, who spread rumors, foment disharmony, and form cliques among the brothers and sisters—they should have been expelled from the church. Yet because now is a different era of God’s work, these people are restricted, for they are decidedly to be eliminated. All who have been corrupted by Satan have corrupt dispositions. Some have nothing more than corrupt dispositions, while others are different: Not only do they have corrupt satanic dispositions, but their nature is also extremely malicious. Not only do their words and actions reveal their corrupt, satanic dispositions; these people are, moreover, the genuine devils and Satans. … Families have their rules, and nations have their laws—and isn’t it even more so in the house of God? Does it not all the more have strict standards? Does it not all the more have administrative decrees? People are free to do what they want, but the administrative decrees of God cannot be altered at will. God is a God who does not tolerate offense from humans; He is a God who puts people to death. Do people really not know this already?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. A Warning to Those Who Do Not Practice the Truth). Contemplating God’s words, I saw that God’s disposition does not tolerate offense. In regard to believers in God who act and speak just like nonbelievers, spread negativity in the church, form cliques, and undermine people behind the scenes, God says that such people are true devils and Satans. In the past when I read this passage of God’s words, I did not apply it to myself, as I thought that I’m a believer in God, and would not do such things. But when God orchestrated situations to reveal me, I was surprised to see that I could do such evil things! In order to take revenge on Xu Li, I looked on as Xiaoyue opposed her at every turn in the competition for fame and gain, but I did not point out Xiaoyue’s issues, choosing to support her instead. This fueled her arrogance, causing her to further belittle and attack Xu Li, and resulting in Xu Li becoming overwhelmed with negativity and losing motivation to follow up on the work. This resulted in the team’s work falling into a state of paralysis. If I had helped Xiaoyue earlier, she might not have done so many things to harm Xu Li and disrupt and disturb the church’s work, and the team’s work wouldn’t have become paralyzed. In my quest for revenge, I even sacrificed the interests of the church, which in essence disrupted and disturbed the church’s work and caused me to play the role of Satan. Xiaoyue and I formed a clique and undermined the team leader, plunging the team into chaos and delaying the work. Wasn’t this the work of a devil? I was truly unworthy to live before God! I read more of God’s words: “People who genuinely believe in God always have Him in their hearts, and they always carry within them a God-fearing heart, a God-loving heart. Those who believe in God should do things cautiously and prudently, and all that they do should be in accordance with God’s requirements and able to satisfy His heart. They should not be headstrong, doing whatever they please; that does not befit saintly propriety” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. A Warning to Those Who Do Not Practice the Truth). God’s words tell us that believers in God should have a God-fearing heart in their actions and words, and that they should not be headstrong, doing whatever they please. Instead, they should approach the people, events, and things around them according to God’s requirements. Those who offer us advice or prune us in particular should be treated correctly, and not attacked or retaliated against. These people speak the truth and are a genuine help to us. If I had had a bit of God-fearing heart and sought God’s intention in these situations, I would not have done things that offended God’s disposition. The more I thought about it, the more guilty and distressed I felt, so I came before God and prayed, “God, in Your revelation, I see that my humanity is quite malicious, and that I am capable of attacking and retaliating against people for personal gain, and causing serious damage to the church’s work. God, You did not treat me according to my transgressions, but have given me a chance to repent. I am willing to repent and change.”

Later, I read more of God’s words: “Love and hatred are things which normal humanity should possess, but you must differentiate clearly between what you love and what you hate. In your heart, you should love God, love the truth, love positive things, and love your brothers and sisters, whereas you should hate Satan and devils, hate negative things, hate antichrists, and hate evil people. If you are capable of suppressing and taking revenge on your brothers and sisters out of hatred, this would be very frightening, and this is the disposition of an evil person. Some people simply have hateful thoughts and ideas—evil ideas, but they would never do anything evil. These are not evil people because when something happens, they are able to seek the truth, and they pay attention to the principles in how they conduct themselves and deal with things. When interacting with others, they do not ask more of them than they should; if they get along with the person well, they will keep interacting with them; if they do not get along, then they won’t. It barely affects the performance of their duty or their life entry. God is in their heart and they have a God-fearing heart. They are unwilling to offend God, and are afraid to do so. Though these people might harbor certain incorrect thoughts and ideas, they are able to rebel against and abandon them. They exercise restraint in their actions, and do not utter a single word that is out of line, or which offends God. Someone who speaks and acts this way is someone who has principles and who practices the truth. Your personality might be incompatible with another person’s, and you may not like them, but when you work together with them, you remain impartial and will not vent your frustrations in doing your duty, or take out your frustrations on the interests of God’s family; you can handle affairs according to principles. What is this a manifestation of? It is a manifestation of having a basic God-fearing heart” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Five Conditions That Must Be Met to Embark on the Right Track of Belief in God). God has told us the principles by which to treat others: If brothers and sisters say things that hurt us, we should treat it correctly. We must never attack or retaliate against people, nor take our grievances out on our duty. When working with brothers and sisters in our duties, we should notice the strengths of others and aim to complement one another. This is the only way to achieve harmonious cooperation. I thought about the harm I caused Xu Li and I felt a bit guilty. She had worked with me before and helped me a lot and this was how I treated her when she just pointed out some of my shortcomings in a direct manner. My humanity was truly poor! Later, during a gathering, I took the initiative to open up to Xu Li about the malicious disposition I had revealed during this time and I apologized to her. Xu Li did not hold all this against me but encouraged me, saying, “It is good that you can reflect on and recognize yourself. In the future, when we reveal our corruption, we should point it out to each other and help one another, so that we do not give Satan a chance to work.” One time, Xu Li said in front of the leader and the supervisor that my demands on the team members were too high, and that I was not helping others with love. I felt uncomfortable hearing this, thinking, “How could you say this about me in front of the leader and the supervisor? What will they think of me?” But although I was angry, I felt it was inappropriate to argue back to her in front of the supervisor, so I just silently prayed to God in my heart. At that moment, I realized that I was concerned about my pride again, and I thought about how I had retaliated against my sister for the sake of my pride, and how I had really harmed her. This time, I had to learn to put myself aside and accept her advice. I silently prayed to God in my heart, asking God to protect my heart and grant me an attitude of accepting the truth, so I could submit to the environment He had arranged. When I thought this way, my heart became calm. Later, the supervisor fellowshipped God’s words to address my issues and help me, and I gained some understanding of my problems. Working with Xu Li, I learned some lessons, and not long after, we parted ways. I am very grateful to God for arranging such an environment which allowed me to understand my malicious nature and learn how to interact with others.