By Nash, Cambodia

In 1995, my wife and I came to believe in the Lord Jesus, and two years later, we accepted Almighty God’s work in the last days. I never thought I would be able to welcome the Lord in my lifetime. I felt very happy. After that, I began preaching the gospel and doing my duty. No matter how busy I was, I never delayed. I was really enthusiastic back then. Even though my nonbelieving family members opposed and hindered me, I didn’t feel that I was suffering.

As time flew by and the years slipped away, in the blink of an eye, twenty-seven years had passed, and I had turned sixty. It was obvious to me that my body wasn’t as good as before, and my memory had worsened a lot. I forgot things right after talking about them, and sometimes I was forgetful. I’d had two eye surgeries, and after looking at the computer for a long time, my eyes would hurt and start tearing up, and by evening, my vision would be blurry. Sometimes, while walking, I found my body unconsciously veering to the right. I’d try to walk straight on, but I couldn’t help but lean to the right. I worried whether I might end up with partial paralysis. Later, I arranged my rest times reasonably, exercised every day, and a brother helped me with physical therapy. After a while, my health improved, but I’d still feel that my strength didn’t match my desire to do my duty. I’d see young people doing their main work well while also taking on other duties. Compared to them, my workload wasn’t heavy, but it felt very taxing to me. Only then did I realize that I was truly getting old. It felt like I had become a waste of space, unable to even labor well, and that I might even lose my chance to do my duty. I also worried that if my eyes worsened, I wouldn’t even be able to read God’s words. Would I still have the chance to be saved then? Thinking of these things, my heart was tinged with sorrow. Although I was still doing my duty, the truth was, I had fallen into a negative and passive state. I was just doing my duty mechanically, like a robot, and sometimes, while doing my duty at the computer, I would fall asleep. In this way, I just muddled through day after day. Sometimes, I even misunderstood God, thinking, “Why did I have to become useless right when the gospel is spreading so much? If only I’d been born a few decades later! It seems I’m not someone God is going to save, and that I’m just a service-doer.” The more I thought about it, the more despondent I became, and I lost my motivation to do my duty. When some brothers and sisters saw me they would ask, “What’s wrong? You seem different. Where’s your passion for your duty gone?” I replied helplessly, “I’m old now, I’m not who I was before.” During that time, I was always living in negativity, but I couldn’t find the reason why.

In the depths of my pain, I heard a passage of God’s words. Almighty God says: “There are also elderly people among brothers and sisters, who are aged from 60 up to around 80 or 90 and who, because of their advanced age, also experience some difficulties. Despite their age, their thinking is not necessarily so correct or rational, and their ideas and views do not necessarily accord with the truth. These elderly people have problems just the same, and they’re always worrying, ‘My health isn’t so good anymore and I’m limited as to what duty I can perform. If I just perform this little duty, will God remember me? Sometimes I get sick, and I need someone to look after me. When there’s no one to look after me, I’m not able to perform my duty, so what can I do? I’m old and I don’t remember God’s words when I read them and it’s hard for me to understand the truth. When fellowshipping on the truth, I speak in a muddled and illogical way, and I haven’t any experiences worth sharing. I’m old and I don’t have enough energy, my eyesight isn’t very good and I’m not strong anymore. Everything is difficult for me. Not only can I not perform my duty, but I easily forget things and get things wrong. Sometimes I get confused and I cause problems for the church and for my brothers and sisters. I want to attain salvation and pursue the truth but it’s very hard. What can I do?’ When they think of these things, they begin to fret, thinking, ‘How come I only started believing in God at this age? How come I’m not like those who are in their 20s and 30s, or even those in their 40s and 50s? How come I only came across God’s work now when I’m so old? It’s not that my fate is bad; at least now I’ve encountered God’s work. My fate is good, and God has been kind to me! There’s just one thing that I’m not happy about, and that is that I’m too old. My memory isn’t very good, and my health isn’t that great, but I have a strong heart. It’s just that my body doesn’t obey me, and I get sleepy after listening for a while at gatherings. Sometimes I close my eyes to pray and fall asleep, and my mind wanders when I read God’s words. After reading for a bit, I get sleepy and doze off, and the words don’t sink in. What can I do? With such practical difficulties, am I still able to pursue and understand the truth? If not, and if I’m not able to practice in line with the truth principles, then won’t all my faith be in vain? Won’t I fail to attain salvation? What can I do? I’m so worried! …’ … These elderly people fall into deep distress, anxiety, and worry because of their age. Every time they encounter some difficulty, setback, hardship, or obstacle, they blame their age, and even hate themselves and have no liking for themselves. But in any case, it is to no avail, there is no solution, and they have no way forward. Could it be that they really have no way forward? Is there any solution? (Elderly people should also perform their duties as much as they’re able.) It’s acceptable for elderly people to perform their duties as much as they’re able, right? Can elderly people not pursue the truth anymore because of their age? Are they not capable of understanding the truth? (Yes, they are.) Can elderly people understand the truth? They can understand some, and not even young people can understand it all, either. Elderly people always have a misconception, believing that they’re confused, that their memory is bad, and so they can’t understand the truth. Are they right? (No.) Although young people have much more energy than elderly people, and are physically stronger, actually their capacity to understand, comprehend, and know is just the same as that of elderly people. Weren’t elderly people once young as well? They weren’t born old, and young people will all grow old one day, too. Elderly people mustn’t always be thinking that because they’re old, physically weak, unwell, and with bad memories, they’re different from young people. In fact, there is no difference” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). After listening to God’s words, I understood that it’s a normal pattern for a person to go from youth to old age. Everyone passes through both youth and old age, but in God’s eyes, young people and old people are the same. It’s just that young people have more energy and physical strength than old people. However, people’s abilities to understand and comprehend are the same. God doesn’t favor young people, nor does He disdain the elderly. Yet I’d not been clear on God’s intention and had even misunderstood Him. I’d thought that since I was old, in poor health, and my eyesight was failing, I couldn’t do my duty with the vigor I’d had when I was young, and therefore I couldn’t be saved. I even complained to God for allowing me to get so old before this stage of the gospel’s spreading. I had been truly unreasonable! These distorted thoughts had disturbed me, making me negative, stop pursuing the truth, and muddle through my days. I wasn’t even doing the basic things I should have been doing or the things I was able to do. God said that old people can do their duties as best as they can. In fact, there are many duties suitable for old people, such as hosting brothers and sisters, preaching the gospel, watering newcomers, and writing sermons. As long as a person is willing to do their duty and satisfy God, there are plenty of duties they should do. Although I was old, the church had still given me opportunities to do my duty. I could preach the gospel online and cultivate newcomers to do so. There were many duties I could do, but because I kept comparing myself to young people, I couldn’t calm my heart to do my current duty well. When I thought about it, I saw that my issues and difficulties were solvable. With my memory being poor, I could take notes, and when my eyes became uncomfortable from extended computer use, I could take suitable breaks and do eye exercises. I could also use warm compresses to relieve eye fatigue. Realizing these things, I no longer felt affected by my age, and I became willing to do my duty well as best as I could.

After that, I wondered, “Why is it that when I was young, no matter how hard or tiring my duties got, I always had energy, but now that I’m old and my health isn’t good, I feel passive and negative when I think I can’t do as much?” I then remembered two passages of God’s words I had read before. God says: “In this, we discover a previously unidentified problem: Man’s relationship with God is merely one of naked self-interest. It is a relationship between a receiver and a giver of blessings. To put it plainly, it is the relationship between an employee and an employer. The employee works hard only to receive the rewards bestowed by the employer. There is no affection in such an interests-based relationship, only transaction. There is no loving or being loved, only charity and mercy. There is no understanding, only helpless suppressed indignation and deception. There is no intimacy, only an uncrossable chasm. Now that things have gotten to this point, who can reverse such a course? And how many people are capable of truly understanding how dire this relationship has become? I believe that when people immerse themselves in the joy of being blessed, none can imagine how embarrassing and unsightly such a relationship with God is” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Appendix 3: Man Can Only Be Saved Amidst God’s Management). “People believe in God in order to be blessed, to be rewarded, to be crowned. Doesn’t this exist in everyone’s heart? It is a fact that it does. Although people don’t often talk about it, and even cover up their motive and desire to obtain blessings, this desire and motive deep in people’s hearts has always been unshakable. No matter how much spiritual theory people understand, what experiential knowledge they have, what duty they can perform, how much suffering they endure, or how much of a price they pay, they never let go of the motivation for blessings hidden deep in their hearts, and always silently toil in its service. Isn’t this the thing buried deepest inside people’s hearts? Without this motivation to receive blessings, how would you feel? With what attitude would you perform your duty and follow God? What would become of people if this motivation to receive blessings that is hidden in their hearts was gotten rid of? It is possible that many people would become negative, while some would become demotivated in their duties. They would lose interest in their belief in God, as if their soul had vanished. They would appear as if their heart had been snatched away. This is why I say the motivation for blessings is something hidden deep in people’s hearts” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Six Indicators of Life Growth). After reading God’s words of exposure, I felt deeply ashamed. I’d believed in God and made sacrifices just to earn His blessings. When I was young, I’d been able to eagerly preach the gospel and had been willing to expend myself for God, and no matter the pain or exhaustion, I never complained because I thought that just so long as I did more work and preached the gospel more to prepare good deeds, I would be saved by God and receive His blessings. In the blink of an eye, over twenty years passed, and now, in my old age and poor health, the range of duties I was able to do had become limited, so I thought that I couldn’t receive blessings or be saved anymore. When I saw my desire for blessings shattered, I became discouraged and gave up on myself. I didn’t even want to do what I should and could do. All my so-called faith and love from before were gone. I even felt that there was no point in believing in God anymore. My heart was filled with misunderstanding and complaints against God. I realized that my belief in God had just been for blessings, and that the price I had paid had been in an attempt to bargain with God. I thought of the many elderly brothers and sisters around me, some even older than I was, and about how they were all quietly doing their duty as best they could. Why couldn’t I do the same? I lived in constant worry, and I didn’t seek any of the truths available to me. Was I not just sitting passively awaiting destruction? Satan was using my various difficulties—like my old age, poor health, poor memory, and blurry eyesight to disturb me, in the hopes of making me lose faith in God and give up on my chance to pursue the truth. I couldn’t fall for Satan’s tricks anymore. I had to do my duty well to repay God’s love.

Later, I read some of God’s words: “No matter whether I say you are backward or of poor caliber, this is all fact. My saying this does not prove that I intend to forsake you, that I have lost hope in you, much less that I am unwilling to save you. Today I have come to do the work of your salvation, which is to say that the work I do is a continuation of the work of salvation. Every person has the chance to be made perfect: Provided that you are willing, provided that you pursue, in the end you will be able to achieve this result, and not one of you will be forsaken. If you are of poor caliber, My requirements of you will be in accordance with your poor caliber; if you are of high caliber, My requirements of you will be in accordance with your high caliber; if you are ignorant and illiterate, My requirements of you will be in accordance with your illiteracy; if you are literate, My requirements of you will be in accordance with the fact that you are literate; if you are elderly, My requirements of you will be in accordance with your age; if you are capable of providing hospitality, My requirements of you will be in accordance with this capability; if you say you cannot offer hospitality, and can only perform a certain function, whether it be spreading the gospel, or taking care of the church, or attending to other general affairs, My perfection of you will be in accordance with the function that you perform. Being loyal, submitting to the very end, and seeking to have supreme love for God—this is what you must accomplish, and there are no better practices than these three things. Ultimately, man is required to achieve these three things, and if he can achieve them, then he will be made perfect. But, above all, you must truly pursue, you must actively press onward and upward, and not be passive in that regard” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Restoring the Normal Life of Man and Taking Him to a Wonderful Destination). “As far as each person is concerned, no matter your caliber, or age, or the number of years you have believed in God, you should put your efforts toward the path of pursuing the truth. You shouldn’t place emphasis on any objective excuses; you should pursue the truth unconditionally. Don’t muddle along. Suppose that you take the pursuit of the truth as a great matter in your life, and strive and put your efforts toward it, and perhaps the truths you gain and are able to reach in your pursuit are not what you’d have wished for, but God says that He will give you a fitting destination in view of your attitude of pursuing the truth and your sincerity—how wonderful that will be! For now, don’t focus on what your destination or outcome will be, or what will happen and what the future holds, or whether you will be able to avoid disaster and not die—don’t think of these things or make requests regarding these things. Just focus on God’s words and requirements, and come to pursue the truth, do your duty well, satisfy God’s intentions, and avoid disappointing God’s six thousand years of waiting, and His six thousand years of anticipation. Give God some comfort; let Him see hope in you, and let His wishes be realized in you. Tell Me, would God treat you unjustly if you did so? Of course not! And even if the end results aren’t as people would have wished, how should they treat that fact, as created beings? They should submit in all things to God’s orchestrations and arrangements, without having any personal plans. Is this not the perspective created beings should take? (It is.) It’s right to have this mindset” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. Why Man Must Pursue the Truth). God’s heartfelt words warmed and moved my heart deeply. It felt like a mother pouring out her heart to her child. This helped me understand that God’s work and words today are meant to save and perfect people. Regardless of age, caliber, or education level, no matter what age people are or the family background they come from, God gives everyone the chance to be perfected. God shows no favoritism to anyone. God makes demands based on each person’s caliber and arranges suitable duties for them. If people can do their duty well in their respective roles and achieve loyalty and submission, this is what God wants to see. God’s words dispelled my misunderstandings of Him and showed me a path of practice, bringing me a great sense of relief. Now I no longer worry about my age, poor health, or declining memory. I also no longer dwell on whether I will have a good outcome or destination. Instead, I focus on doing my current duty well to the best of my abilities, and practicing the truths I understand in my duties. I’m truly grateful to God for these gains!