By Chen Na, China

In July 2014, I was elected as a preacher. At the time, I lacked discernment and followed my partnered sister in reporting a district leader, which led to chaos in the work. Later, after investigation, it became clear that the district leader was capable of doing some actual work and it was my partnered sister who had intentionally sought to find faults to attack the district leader and disturb the church’s work. I then realized that I had been misled, and felt that I had committed a great evil and a serious transgression. Although the church still gave me an opportunity for repentance, I was afraid I would commit more transgressions and be eliminated. This fear caused me to live in a constant state of guardedness, unable to change course. As a result, I was dismissed for lacking effectiveness in my duties. At that time, I felt that my understanding of the truth was shallow, and that it would be better not to serve as a leader or worker in the future, because if I committed serious transgressions and got expelled, my chance of being saved would be gone. I thought it was a bit safer to take on ordinary duties, where church leaders and workers would bear the responsibility for any issues, and my salvation wouldn’t be at risk. I didn’t seek the truth to address this problem at the time.

In October 2023, I was elected as a district leader. I felt somewhat apprehensive, thinking, “I will be overseeing the work of several churches. What if something goes seriously wrong? How can I bear the responsibility? If I accumulate more transgressions, won’t that destroy my hope of salvation?” But my conscience told me that in a time of tribulation when many leaders and workers were arrested, as a member of the church, I couldn’t be so selfish and evade my duty just to protect my own interests. So I decided to cooperate for the time being, and hoped that a more suitable person would be elected later, allowing me to step down from this role. Soon after, Sister Li Yun, who had worked with me, was sold out by a Judas and could no longer show up to do her duties. So, many tasks required me to handle on my own. I was worried that doing a poor job might harm the church’s work and result in me committing transgressions. At that time, a report letter needed handling, but I was afraid of making mistakes and bearing potential responsibility, fearing it might have an impact on my prospects and destination. So I told Li Yun I didn’t know how to handle it and asked her to write a letter to deal with it. Although she encouraged me to train in handling such a task myself, I still dared not do it and passed it off to her. During the following collaboration with Li Yun, I just took on tasks I felt confident about, but for more important and challenging work, I shifted it to her. This put her under pressure, and her work did not yield good results. In November 2023, the church needed to elect two new leaders, and I was asked to host the election. I thought that choosing and using people involves discerning them. What if I couldn’t see through them and chose the wrong people? Previously, when I was a preacher, I’d chosen a wrong church leader, which had delayed the life entry of the brothers and sisters. I’d already committed one transgression, and was really worried I would choose the wrong people again. I thought, “I do my duty to prepare good deeds. I can’t end up with a record full of transgressions.” Just thinking about all this put me under a lot of pressure and I couldn’t sleep at night. I wondered, “Maybe I can ask Li Yun to disguise herself and host the election. That way, if something goes wrong, it will be her responsibility and it won’t be on me.” However, I knew that Li Yun’s safety was at risk. If she showed up, it might lead to her arrest, which would have even worse consequences. I realized I couldn’t do that, so I would just have to host the election myself.

Later, I realized my state was not right and began to reflect on myself. Why was I so afraid of taking responsibility? I prayed to God, asking Him to enlighten me to understand my problems. Afterward, I came across these words of God: “Some people are afraid of taking responsibility while performing their duty. If the church gives them a job to do, they will first consider whether the job requires them to take responsibility, and if it does, they will not accept the job. Their conditions for performing a duty are, first, that it must be a slack job; second, that it is not busy or tiring; and third, that no matter what they do, they do not take any responsibility. This is the only kind of duty they take on. What sort of a person is this? Is this not a slippery, deceitful person? They do not want to shoulder even the smallest amount of responsibility. They even fear that leaves will break their skull when they fall from trees. What duty can a person like this perform? What use could they have in the house of God? The work of the house of God has to do with the work of battling Satan, as well as spreading the kingdom gospel. What duty does not entail responsibilities? Would you say that being a leader carries responsibility? Are their responsibilities not all the greater, and must they not take responsibility all the more? Regardless of whether you spread the gospel, testify, make videos, and so on—no matter what work you do—so long as it pertains to the truth principles, it carries with it responsibilities. If the performance of your duty is unprincipled, it will affect the work of God’s house, and if you are afraid of taking responsibility, then you cannot perform any duty. Is someone who fears taking responsibility in performing their duty cowardly, or is there a problem with their disposition? You must be able to tell the difference. The fact is that this is not an issue of cowardice. If that person were after wealth, or they were doing something in their own interest, how could they be so brave? They would take on any risk. But when they do things for the church, for God’s house, they take on no risk at all. Such people are selfish and vile, the most treacherous of all. Anyone who does not take responsibility in performing a duty is not the least bit sincere to God, to say nothing of their loyalty. What sort of person dares to take responsibility? What sort of person has the courage to bear a heavy burden? Someone who takes the lead and goes bravely forth at the most crucial moment in the work of God’s house, who is not afraid to bear a heavy responsibility and endure great hardship when they see the work that is most important and crucial. That is someone loyal to God, a good soldier of Christ. Is it the case that everyone who fears taking responsibility in their duty does so because they do not understand the truth? No; it is a problem in their humanity. They have no sense of justice or responsibility, they are selfish and vile people, not true-hearted believers in God, and they do not accept the truth in the least. For this reason, they cannot be saved. Believers in God must pay a great price in order to gain the truth, and they will encounter many obstacles to practicing it. They must forsake things, abandon their fleshly interests, and endure some suffering. Only then will they be able to put the truth into practice. So, can one who fears taking responsibility practice the truth? They certainly cannot practice the truth, let alone gain it. They are afraid of practicing the truth, of incurring a loss to their interests; they are afraid of being humiliated, of disparagement, and of judgment, and they do not dare to practice the truth. Consequently, they cannot gain it, and no matter how many years they believe in God, they cannot attain His salvation” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Eight: They Would Have Others Submit Only to Them, Not the Truth or God (Part One)). When I read God’s words like “selfish,” “treacherous,” and “it is a problem in their humanity,” I felt deeply distressed and upset. I realized that I indeed possessed these traits. Although I had taken on the role of a leader, I did not have a genuine burden. I was always worried about failing to do things well and bearing responsibility, fearing that if I committed transgressions, I would lose the chance of salvation. Therefore, I preferred to do tasks that did not involve bearing responsibility and pushed the difficult work onto Li Yun. It was me who was primarily responsible for handling report letters. Even though I wasn’t familiar with the principles, I was capable of cooperating on some tasks with Li Yun’s guidance and help. However, I had feared the responsibility for any potential mistakes in processing. So, I had used my lack of understanding as an excuse to push the work onto Li Yun. Especially during the church election, when Li Yun couldn’t host it in person due to safety risks, I was afraid of choosing the wrong people, committing transgressions, and jeopardizing my own prospects. So I wanted to have her host the election, not considering her safety and the overall church work. Whenever it came to matters that involved bearing responsibility, I would push it onto others, fearing that if I handled it badly, it would result in transgressions that might impact my prospects and destination. I lacked loyalty to God and responsibility for my duties. How selfish and despicable I was! Just as God exposes: “They do not want to shoulder even the smallest amount of responsibility. They even fear that leaves will break their skull when they fall from trees. What duty can a person like this perform?” Exactly, I was indeed that kind of person. Any person who is loyal to God and has humanity, when they see that the church’s work needs people’s cooperation, would be duty-bound to shoulder the responsibility, and would seek the truth principles to fulfill their duties. But as a member of God’s house, I had not been considerate of God’s intentions in my duty. Instead, I had first considered how serious the responsibility was that I would take, and had been overly cautious and circumspect. To protect myself, I had shifted many tasks onto Li Yun. I had been truly selfish and despicable! If I did not turn around, I wouldn’t be able to do any duty well and would end up becoming a good-for-nothing. I told myself I could not shirk my duties any longer. Regardless of whether I understood or not, I should first accept it, seek principles, and do my best to carry it out.

At the end of December 2023, the church needed to elect supervisors responsible for the gospel work and watering work. I was worried again, thinking, “Both preaching the gospel and watering newcomers are critical church tasks. I’m not very familiar with the church members here. What if I choose unsuitable people and delay the work? How can I bear this responsibility?” I realized that I was once again living in a state of guardedness and misunderstanding. So I prayed to God, asking Him to lead me in understanding my problems. One morning, I read these words of God: “Antichrists harbor these things in their hearts, all of which are misunderstandings, opposition, judgment, and resistance against God. They lack any knowledge of God’s work whatsoever. While prying into God’s words, prying into God’s disposition, identity, and essence, they come to such conclusions. Antichrists bury these things deep in their hearts, admonishing themselves: ‘Caution is the parent of safety; it’s best to fly under the radar; the bird that sticks its neck out is the one that gets shot; and it’s lonely at the top! No matter when, never be that bird sticking its head out, never climb too high; the higher you climb, the harder you fall.’ They do not believe that the words of God are the truth, and they do not believe that His disposition is righteous and holy. They regard all this through human notions and imaginings, and they approach the work of God with human perspectives, human thoughts, and human guile, employing the logic and thinking of Satan to delineate God’s disposition, identity, and essence. Obviously, not only do antichrists neither accept nor acknowledge God’s disposition, identity, and essence; on the contrary they are full of notions, opposition, and rebelliousness toward God and have not the least shred of real knowledge of Him. Antichrists’ definition of God’s work, God’s disposition, and God’s love is a question mark—dubiousness, and they are full of skepticism and full of denial and slander for it; so what, then, of His identity? God’s disposition represents His identity; with such a regard of God’s disposition as theirs, their regard of God’s identity is self-evident—direct denial. This is the essence of antichrists” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Ten: They Despise the Truth, Brazenly Flout Principles, and Ignore the Arrangements of God’s House (Part Six)). “Some people do not believe that God’s house can treat people fairly. They do not believe that God reigns in His house, and that the truth reigns there. They believe that no matter what duty a person performs, if a problem arises in it, God’s house will handle that person immediately, stripping them of their right to perform that duty, sending them away, or even clearing them out of the church. Is that really how things work? It certainly is not. God’s house treats every person according to the truth principles. God is righteous in His treatment of every person. He does not look only at how a person behaves in a single instance; He looks at a person’s nature essence, at their intentions, at their attitude, and He looks in particular at whether a person can reflect on themselves when they make a mistake, whether they are remorseful, and whether they can penetrate the essence of the problem based on His words, come to understand the truth, hate themselves, and truly repent. If someone lacks this correct attitude, and they are entirely adulterated by personal intentions, if they are filled with cunning schemes and revelations of corrupt dispositions, and when problems arise, they resort to pretense, sophistry, and self-justification, and stubbornly refuse to acknowledge their actions, then such a person cannot be saved. They don’t accept the truth at all and have been completely revealed. People who aren’t right, and who can’t accept the truth in the slightest, are disbelievers in essence and can only be eliminated. … If you are always afraid of being eliminated, always giving excuses, always justifying yourself, that is a problem. If you let others see that you do not accept the truth in the least, and that you are impervious to reason, you are in trouble. The church will be obliged to handle you. If you do not accept the truth at all in performing your duty and are always afraid of being revealed and eliminated, then this fear of yours is tainted with human intent and a corrupt satanic disposition, and with suspicion, guardedness, and misapprehension. None of these are attitudes that a person should have” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). From God’s words, I saw that antichrists do not believe in God’s righteousness or in the fact that God’s house is governed by truth. They believe that the greater the responsibility they take on, the more transgressions they will commit, and the less hope they will have for salvation. Therefore, they constantly misunderstand and guard against God, never doing their best in their duties. They protect themselves using philosophies for worldly dealings and are extremely selfish and deceitful. I realized that I also had the disposition of antichrists. I believed that “The higher the climb, the harder the fall,” and “Caution is the parent of safety.” Every time I had been chosen as a leader, I had wanted to decline. I had believed that if I wasn’t a leader, I wouldn’t commit great evils or be easily revealed and eliminated. Even now, having become a leader, I had been doing my duty guardedly and with the utmost caution, fearing that any transgressions I committed would affect my outcome and destination. I hadn’t been thinking about how to fulfill my duty, but rather, my mind had been filled with devious thoughts. Whenever the tasks had involved bearing responsibility, I’d pushed them to Li Yun. I had never truly given my heart to God in my duties, keeping God on the other side of a deep chasm in my heart, and constantly guarded against Him. I had lacked any understanding of God’s righteous disposition. In reality, God treats each person fairly. God’s house handles everyone based on principles. No one is dismissed or eliminated for a momentary transgression. God looks at the essence of a person, the intentions behind their actions, and their attitude toward the truth. If someone disrupts and disturbs the work by acting against principles, and still refuses to accept the truth when others fellowship with them, harming the work of God’s house time and time again, then they must be dismissed. I thought of some antichrists and evil people who had been expelled by the church. When doing their duties, they had always pursued fame, gain and status, violated work arrangements and done things their own way. They had even tried to compete with God for people and control God’s chosen ones. After others had fellowshipped and exposed them, they had not repented. Ultimately, the church had expelled them based on principles—this was God’s righteousness. If someone commits some transgressions in doing their duties because they don’t understand the truth or due to their corrupt disposition, but they are able to accept the truth, and can reflect and know themselves after others fellowship with them, God’s house will give them a chance to repent. For example, when I had previously been a preacher, I had followed another person in committing an evil deed due to a lack of understanding of the truth. Through the fellowship and help of other sisters, I had recognized my mistakes. Afterward, I had deeply regretted my actions and had been willing to repent. The church hadn’t expelled me, and had even let me continue doing my duty, which showed me that God’s house is governed by truth and righteousness. However, I had mistakenly viewed God as a worldly king who is unfair and unrighteous, and condemns and punishes people when they are caught doing something wrong. I had constantly speculated about God and guarded against Him, which was blaspheming against God. My disposition was truly wicked!

I recalled the truth about being honest people that God had fellowshipped with us about. So I looked up relevant words of God to read. Almighty God says: “I take pleasure in those who are not suspicious of others, and I like those who readily accept the truth; toward these two kinds of people I show great care, for in My eyes they are honest people. If you are deceitful, then you will be guarded and suspicious toward all people and matters, and thus your faith in Me will be built upon a foundation of suspicion. I could never acknowledge such faith” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. How to Know the God on Earth). “Man’s performance of his duty is, in actuality, the accomplishment of all that is inherent within man, which is to say, that which is possible for man. It is then that his duty is fulfilled. The defects of man during his service are gradually reduced through progressive experience and the process of his undergoing judgment; they do not hinder or affect man’s duty. Those who cease to serve or yield and fall back for fear that there may be drawbacks to their service are the most cowardly of all. … There is no correlation between the duty of man and whether he receives blessings or suffers misfortune. Duty is what man ought to fulfill; it is his heaven-sent vocation, and should not depend on recompense, conditions, or reasons. Only then is he doing his duty. Receiving blessings refers to when someone is made perfect and enjoys God’s blessings after experiencing judgment. Suffering misfortune refers to when someone’s disposition does not change after they have experienced chastisement and judgment; they do not experience being made perfect but are punished. But regardless of whether they receive blessings or suffer misfortune, created beings should fulfill their duty, doing what they ought to do, and doing what they are able to do; this is the least that a person, a person who pursues God, should do. You should not do your duty only to receive blessings, and you should not refuse to act for fear of suffering misfortune. Let Me tell you this one thing: Man’s performance of his duty is what he ought to do, and if he is incapable of performing his duty, then this is his rebelliousness” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Difference Between the Ministry of God Incarnate and the Duty of Man). These words of God filled me with deep thoughts. Yes, God repeatedly says that He likes honest people who can accept the truth and loathes deceitful people. God sets Noah as an exemplar for us to emulate. When God commanded Noah to build an ark, he certainly faced difficulties at that time, as he had never built an ark before. However, he was not constrained by these challenges, nor did he worry about possible punishment if he didn’t do a good job. He simply accepted God’s commission, actually went and sought out materials, and prayed to God whenever he encountered difficulties. If any part was done incorrectly, he would tear it down and rebuild it. He built the ark strictly as God required. Because of his genuine faith and submission to God, he ultimately received God’s blessings. Reflecting on myself, I realized I had been too deceitful. While doing my duties, I was always afraid of taking responsibility, worried about committing transgressions and losing the hope of salvation. I lacked an honest attitude. In fact, thinking about it, given my corrupt dispositions and lack of understanding of the truth, deviations in my duties were inevitable. I should learn to treat this properly, analyze where I had gone wrong, reflect on myself, and come to understand my corrupt dispositions. If I did this, I would make continuous progress, and my duties would improve as well. When encountering things in my duties that I could not see clearly, I should pray and seek more, discuss with my partnered sister, or seek from upper leaders. I should not do my duties perfunctorily or shirk and avoid them out of fear of bearing responsibility. For example, in choosing and using people, if I chose someone according to principles in the beginning and they ultimately proved to be the wrong person, then that had to do with the path they walked, and God’s house would not hold me accountable.

Later, I realized I had another mistaken viewpoint. I used to believe that as a leader, the greater the responsibility, the more transgressions I would accumulate, and in the end my chance of salvation would be ruined. I thought it would be safer to be an ordinary believer. But in reality, whether or not a person is a leader, if they do not pursue the truth and their corrupt dispositions remain unchanged, they are doomed to be destroyed eventually. Just as Almighty God says: “To have an unchanged disposition is to be in enmity to God” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God). Among those eliminated from the church, many were ordinary believers. Some of them were revealed as evil people or antichrists, while others were revealed as disbelievers. Even though they did not hold high positions, weren’t they eliminated all the same for disrupting and disturbing the church’s work? These facts show that being revealed and eliminated has nothing to do with the duty one does, but is related to whether they pursue the truth and experience changes in their dispositions. Realizing all this, I was willing to correct my mistaken viewpoint, and adopt the right mindset to do my duty well as a leader. Later, I went on to choose people to supervise the gospel work and watering work. For some individuals I could not see through, I discussed with Li Yun and sought from upper leaders. Ultimately, we elected suitable people. When I let go of my guardedness, relied on God, and did my duty according to principles, I felt much more relieved.

Through this experience, I realized that satanic philosophies like “The higher the climb, the harder the fall,” and “Caution is the parent of safety” are fallacies and heresies that corrupt people. Living by such beliefs only made me increasingly selfish and deceitful, constantly guarded against God and unable to take up my duty readily. This not only led to spiritual repression and pain but also caused me to lose opportunities to gain the truth. It is God’s words that have enlightened and guided me to understand my corrupt disposition, and given me some real understanding of God’s righteous disposition. I have come to realize that whatever God does, He does it for our salvation.