By Keke, China

In May 2021, I was elected as a church leader, and I was primarily responsible for the gospel and watering work. Every task required detailed follow-up and supervision, and sometimes the upper leadership would make detailed arrangements for each task, and these needed to be implemented promptly. If the work didn’t get good results, I’d often have to analyze issues and seek the truth principles to resolve them. At the beginning, there were many things I didn’t know about this duty, so I had to put in a lot of time getting familiar with them. I felt a lot of pressure, but I also knew that being able to do this duty was God exalting and gracing me, so I had to cooperate properly. About two months later, a sister who had been partnering with me was transferred, leaving just me and Sister Wang Jing to handle the church’s work. The workload that used to be divided among three people now fell onto just the two of us, making the work even busier. Sometimes, just when I managed to finish my tasks and wanted to relax, more letters would arrive, needing a response. There was always work that needed to be done. Over time, I began to feel exhausted, and I started to hope for the workload to decrease a bit so I could relax. Sometimes, after finishing errands, I wouldn’t want to hurry back, and I’d want to stay out a little longer to clear my head. I saw that all the sister in our host home had to do was cook three meals a day, and then she could rest and read God’s words in her spare time. I felt really envious, and missed the times when I had a single-task duty and still had time to relax. Now, the workload was so massive that I felt like whenever I opened my eyes each day, I was confronted by work. I felt that living this way was too hard! I seemed to be doing my duty, but inside, I was full of resistance. When responding to my brothers’ and sisters’ questions, I just felt like I was completing tasks like they were assignments, and I didn’t bother considering how to achieve better results. I just wanted to get things done quickly so I could rest and relax. When there were a lot of questions, I’d get irritated and feel like losing my temper, and I’d feel really repressed.

One time, I went home to take care of some matters, and as soon as I got home, it felt like all my burdens had been lifted. There was no work to do, and I could do whatever I wanted. It was so comfortable living this way! I could have finished everything I needed to do in just a day, but I ended up staying for two days. I felt guilty, knowing I should have returned right after I finished my errands, but then I thought that since it was rare for me to come home, maybe I could just stay one more day to relax a bit! Later, Sister Wang Jing urged me to hurry back to handle some work, so I had no choice but to return. Since I’d always been passive and negative in my leadership duty, my state just kept worsening, and I wasn’t getting any results in my duty. Even with fellowship and help from my leaders, I didn’t change, and eventually, I was dismissed. I didn’t reflect on myself back then. It wasn’t until later, when I was doing watering duty, that I ran into a sister I had known before, and felt somewhat moved. This sister had trained as a leader for over a year, had progressed rapidly, and her fellowship in gatherings was very practical. I saw that although leadership involved a lot of worries, hardship, and exhaustion, her life progressed quickly. But as for me, I kept resisting my leadership duty, and I’d allowed my flesh to relax and feel comfortable. But what did I gain from this? If I didn’t change this view of my pursuit, where I always heeded my flesh and feared hardship and exhaustion, then no matter how many years I continued to believe in God, my life would never progress. Thinking about this, I kept asking myself, “Why exactly do I believe in God? What do I really want from my faith in God? Am I going to keep pursuing this way? If I can rebel against my flesh, endure hardship, pay a price, and do my duty wholeheartedly, won’t I gain more truths?”

Later, I read that God’s words say: “Some people are always perfunctory and find ways to slack off while performing their duties. Sometimes, the work of the church requires haste, but they just want to do as they please. If they don’t feel very well physically, or are in a bad mood and in low spirits for a couple of days, they will be unwilling to endure hardship and pay a price to do the church work. They are particularly lazy and covetous of comfort. When they lack motivation, their bodies will become sluggish, and they will be unwilling to move, but they fear being pruned by leaders and being called lazy by their brothers and sisters, so there’s nothing they can do except reluctantly perform the work along with everyone else. They will, however, feel very unwilling, unhappy, and reluctant about this. They will feel wronged, aggrieved, annoyed, and exhausted. They want to act based on their own will, but they dare not break away from or go against the requirements and stipulations of God’s house. As a result, an emotion begins to emerge within them over time—repression. Once this repressive emotion takes root in them, they will begin to gradually appear listless and weak. Like a machine, they will no longer have a clear understanding of what they are doing, but they will still do whatever they’re told to do every day, in the way that they’re told to do it. Although they will continue to carry out their tasks on the surface without stopping, without pausing, without stepping away from the environment of performing their duties, yet in their hearts they will feel repressed, and think that their lives are exhausting and full of grievances. Their current greatest desire is to one day no longer be controlled by others, to no longer be restricted by the stipulations of God’s house, and to be released from the arrangements of God’s house. They want to do whatever they want, whenever they want, doing a little work if they feel good, and not doing it if they don’t. They yearn to be free from any blame, from ever being pruned, and from anyone supervising, monitoring, or being in charge of them. They think that when that day comes, it will be a great day, and that they will feel so free and liberated. However, they are still unwilling to leave or give up; they are afraid that if they do not perform their duties, if they truly do whatever they please and are free and liberated one day, then they will naturally stray from God, and they are afraid that if God no longer wants them, they will not be able to gain any blessings. Some people find themselves in a dilemma: If they try to grumble to their brothers and sisters, they will find it hard to speak up. If they turn to God in prayer, they will feel unable to open their mouths. If they complain, they will feel that they themselves are at fault. If they do not complain, they will feel ill at ease. They wonder why their lives feel so full of grievances, so contrary to their own will, and so exhausting. They do not want to live that way, they do not want to be in unison with everyone else, they want to do whatever they want, however they want, and they wonder why they are unable to accomplish this. They used to feel they were only physically exhausted, but now their hearts feel tired too. They do not understand what is happening to them. Tell Me, is this not caused by repressive emotions? (It is.)” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (5)). After reading God’s words, I finally understood that the reason I felt so repressed and pained in my leadership duty wasn’t because the duty was busy or exhausting, but because my mindset was wrong. I constantly pursued comfort and fleshly enjoyments, so when the duty was slightly busy or tiring, and my flesh wasn’t satisfied, I felt repressed and pained. In particular after my partnered sister was transferred, the workload increased, and there was always work to be done each day, so I became irritated and wanted to chide and lash out at others. I even envied the sister in our host home for having such a light, easy duty. I realized that what I pursued wasn’t the proper performance of my duty, but rather physical comfort. I was constantly wallowing in repressive emotions, treated my duty irreverently, had no sense of responsibility, and wasn’t trustworthy at all. I had truly made God detest me!

I read another passage of God’s words which gave me some understanding of the root of my pursuit of fleshly comfort. Almighty God says: “Until people have experienced God’s work and understood the truth, it is Satan’s nature that takes charge and dominates them from within. What, specifically, does that nature entail? For example, why are you selfish? Why do you protect your own position? Why do you have such strong feelings? Why do you enjoy those unrighteous things? Why do you like those evils? What is the basis for your fondness for such things? Where do these things come from? Why are you so happy to accept them? By now, you have all come to understand that the main reason behind all these things is that Satan’s poison is within man. So what is Satan’s poison? How can it be expressed? For example, if you ask, ‘How should people live? What should people live for?’ people will answer, ‘Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost.’ This single phrase expresses the very root of the problem. Satan’s philosophy and logic have become people’s lives. No matter what people pursue, they do so for themselves—and so they live only for themselves. ‘Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost’—this is the life philosophy of man, and it also represents human nature. These words have already become the nature of corrupt mankind and they are the true portrait of corrupt mankind’s satanic nature. This satanic nature has already become the basis for corrupt mankind’s existence. For several thousand years, corrupt mankind has lived by this venom of Satan, right up to the present day” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. How to Walk the Path of Peter). From the exposure of God’s words, I understood that my decadence and degeneracy stemmed from always living by satanic poisons like “Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost,” “Life is all about eating well and dressing nice,” and “Life is short, so enjoy it while you can.” I placed excessive importance on physical enjoyment, thinking that life was short so I had to treat myself well and not let my body suffer any hardship. I thought back to my university entrance exams. While others were studying late into the night and working hard, I found it too fast-paced and exhausting, so I never stayed up late to study, thinking it was fine just so long as my grades didn’t slip. After I came to the church to do my duty, I continued to live by this mindset. When my leadership duty called for me to suffer and pay a price, and I couldn’t indulge in physical comfort, I’d feel really repressed and dejected. My mind would fill with thoughts about not tiring myself out and putting my physical interests first, and I’d completely disregard my responsibilities and duties. Though I was shouldering such an important duty, I wasn’t thinking about how to achieve good results in each task or how to fulfill my responsibilities. I only considered my own comfort, and sated my fleshly desires, feeling miserable whenever there was any extra hardship and wanting to run from it. I saw that I had been incredibly selfish and despicable, and completely lacking in conscience or reason. In truth, thinking back, although my body found temporary comfort, I hadn’t gained any truth or done my duty, and I had no integrity and dignity whatsoever. Living like this had no meaning or value. Reflecting on this, I really hated myself, and I felt deeply indebted to God, and didn’t want to live like this anymore.

Later, I read another passage of God’s words which really moved me. Almighty God says: “What are people who attend to their proper work like? They are people who regard their basic needs like food, clothing, shelter, and transportation in a simple way. As long as these things are up to a normal standard, that’s enough for them. They care more about their path in life, their mission as human beings, their life outlook and values. What do unpromising people ponder about all day? They are always pondering about how to slack off, how to play tricks so that they can shirk responsibility, how to eat well and have fun, how to live in physical ease and comfort, without considering proper matters. Therefore, they feel repressed in the setting and environment of doing their duties in God’s house. God’s house requires people to learn certain common and professional knowledge that relates to their duties, so that they can perform them better. God’s house requires people to frequently eat and drink God’s words so that they may gain a better understanding of the truth, enter into the truth reality, and know what the principles for every action are. All of these things that God’s house fellowships about and mentions relate to topics, practical matters, and so on, that fall within the scope of people’s lives and the performance of their duties, and are meant to help people to attend to their proper work and to walk the right path. These individuals who do not attend to their proper work and who do as they please do not wish to do these proper things. The ultimate goal that they wish to achieve by doing whatever they want is physical comfort, pleasure, and ease, and to not be restricted or wronged in any way. It is to be able to eat enough of whatever they want, and to do as they please. It is because of the quality of their humanity and their inner pursuits that they often feel repressed. No matter how you fellowship about the truth with them, they will not change, and their repression will not be resolved. That’s just the kind of people they are; they are just things that do not attend to their proper work. Although on the surface they do not seem to have committed any great evil or to be bad people, and though they appear to have only failed to uphold the principles and regulations, in reality, their nature essence is that they do not attend to their proper work or follow the right path. People like this lack the conscience and reason of normal humanity, and they cannot achieve the intelligence of normal humanity. … In society, who are the people who do not attend to their proper work? They are idlers, fools, slackers, hooligans, ruffians, and loafers—people like that. They do not wish to learn any new skills or abilities, and they do not want to pursue serious careers or to find a job so that they can get by. They are the idlers and loafers of society. They infiltrate the church, and then they want to get something for nothing, and to obtain their share of blessings. They are opportunists. These opportunists are never willing to do their duties. If things do not go their way, even slightly, they feel repressed. They always wish to live freely, they do not want to perform any kind of work, and yet they still want to eat good food and wear nice clothing, and eat whatever they wish and sleep whenever they want. They think that when a day like this comes, it will surely be wonderful. They do not want to endure even a little bit of hardship and they wish for a life of indulgence. These people even find living exhausting; they are bound by negative emotions. They often feel tired and confused because they cannot do as they please. They do not want to attend to their proper work or to handle their proper affairs. They do not want to stick to a job and do it constantly from start to finish, treating it as their own profession and duty, as their obligation and responsibility; they do not want to finish it and achieve results, or do it to the best standard possible. They have never thought in that way. They just want to act in a perfunctory manner and to use their duty as a means to make a living. When they face a little pressure or some form of control, or when they are held to a slightly higher standard, or made to shoulder a bit of responsibility, they feel uncomfortable and repressed. These negative emotions arise within them, living feels exhausting to them, and they are miserable. One fundamental reason why living feels exhausting to them is that people like this lack reason. Their reason is impaired, they spend all day indulging in fantasies, living in a dream, in the clouds, always imagining the wildest things. That is why their repression is very difficult to resolve. They are not interested in the truth, they are disbelievers. The only thing we can do is ask them to leave God’s house, to return to the world and find their own place of ease and comfort” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (5)). When I read God’s words talking about those who “do not attend to their proper work” or who are “idlers” and “loafers,” I felt utterly pricked and deeply distressed. Idlers and loafers are the lowest, most degenerate people, they spend their days eating, drinking, and having fun and have no serious pursuits. They are unreliable in everything they do, inconsistent, and have no sense of responsibility. My pursuit was no different from that of loafers’. As a leader, my thoughts each day weren’t on how to do my duties well or shoulder my responsibilities. Instead, I was always thinking about how to bring my flesh comfort and ease, and at the slightest hardship, I would resist and feel dissatisfied. I treated my duty as an encumbrance and didn’t consider my proper tasks at all. I saw that I was untrustworthy and didn’t have a God-fearing heart at all. Even nonbelievers believe in “no pain, no gain,” and that to survive, one has to endure hardship and pay a price. Yet I couldn’t bear any suffering and would cry out in complaint at the slightest discomfort. Was I not utterly useless? If I didn’t change this degenerate mindset and kept avoiding the proper work I was supposed to be doing, I would ultimately be eliminated. God saves those who sincerely believe in Him, pursue the truth, and do their duties responsibly. These people focus on their proper affairs, and attend to their proper duties, and even if their duties cause them suffering or fatigue, they don’t complain and do them wholeheartedly. Moving forward, I wanted to be someone who attended to their proper duties.

Later, I read another passage of God’s words and found a path of practice. Almighty God says: “What is the value of a person’s life? Is it merely for the sake of indulging in fleshly pleasures such as eating, drinking, and being entertained? (No, it is not.) Then what is it? … In one respect, it is about fulfilling the duty of a created being. In another, it is about doing everything within your ability and capacity to the best that you can, at least reaching a point where your conscience does not accuse you, where you can be at peace with your own conscience and be proven acceptable in the eyes of others. Taking it a step further, throughout your life, regardless of the family you were born into, your educational background, or your caliber, you must have some understanding of the principles that people ought to comprehend in life. For example, what kind of path people should walk, how they should live, and how to live a meaningful life—you should at least explore a bit of the true value of life. This life cannot be lived in vain, and one cannot come to this earth in vain. In another respect, during your lifetime, you must fulfill your mission; this is the most important. We’re not talking about completing a great mission, duty, or responsibility; but at the very least, you should accomplish something. … The value of human life and the right path to follow involve accomplishing something valuable and completing one or multiple jobs of value. This is not called a career; it is called the right path, it is also called the proper task. Tell Me, is it worth it for a person to pay the price in order to complete some work of value, live a meaningful and valuable life, and pursue and attain the truth? If you truly desire to pursue and understand the truth, to embark on the right path in life, to fulfill your duty well, and to live a valuable and meaningful life, then you should not hesitate to give all of your energy, pay the price, and give all of your time and the extent of your days. If you experience a bit of illness during this period it will not matter, it will not crush you. Isn’t this far superior to a lifetime of ease and idleness, nurturing the physical body to the point that it is well-fed and healthy, and ultimately achieving longevity? (Yes.) Which one of these two options is more conducive to a valuable life? Which one can bring comfort and no regrets to people when they face death at the very end? (Living a meaningful life.) Living a meaningful life means to feel results and comfort in your heart” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (6)). After reading God’s words, I understood what people should pursue to have a meaningful and valuable life. Life is so short, so we should do meaningful things in this limited time. Pursuing the truth and fulfilling our duties are the only ways to avoid living in vain. When God’s work is complete, we won’t be left with regrets or feelings of indebtedness, and our hearts will feel at ease and at peace. I reflected on how I used to live for my flesh. Even the slightest hardship or exhaustion in my duties would make me feel repressed, resistant, and dissatisfied. I was living with no human likeness, and I wasn’t doing my duties well. All I was leaving in my wake were feelings of guilt and indebtedness, and in the end, I gained no truth at all. I was truly wasting my time! I thought to myself, “I can’t keep living so aimlessly. It’s fortunate that I have the opportunity to accept God’s work of the last days. This is God’s grace and exaltation, and I should shoulder my responsibilities, learn to rebel against my flesh and become a person who attends to their proper duties.” With these thoughts in mind, my heart felt really bright, and I knew what to pursue from then on.

Later, I was elected as a church leader again, and I felt really grateful. I also cherished this opportunity and wanted to do my duties properly. After I became a leader, there was a lot of work to do each day, and when there was too much to handle in my duties, I still revealed thoughts of consideration for my flesh, and didn’t want to think deeply about things, but then recalled God’s words: “Is it worth it for a person to pay the price in order to complete some work of value, live a meaningful and valuable life, and pursue and attain the truth? If you truly desire to pursue and understand the truth, to embark on the right path in life, to fulfill your duty well, and to live a valuable and meaningful life, then you should not hesitate to give all of your energy, pay the price, and give all of your time and the extent of your days. If you experience a bit of illness during this period it will not matter, it will not crush you” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (6)). God’s words gave me faith and strength, and I knew I could no longer be perfunctory in my duties just to satisfy my flesh, and that physical comfort was only temporary, but not putting all my effort into my duties would leave me with regret and feelings of indebtedness, and these were things that could never be erased. So, I prayed to God to rebel against myself, allowing my heart to be more at peace and helping me to cooperate wholeheartedly. I started to consider how to achieve actual results in my work, and whenever I faced something I didn’t understand, I would discuss it with others and seek truth principles in God’s words. Though doing my duties this way was busier, required me to take on more concerns, and I had less time to relax, I gained so much more, and my life felt increasingly fulfilled. I also stopped becoming negative and repressed so easily. This transformation in me was a result of God’s words. Thank God!