A Letter to Nuo Yi

By Yu Xun, China

Dear Nuo Yi,

How have you been recently? In your last letter, you mentioned that you are no longer doing your duty of watering, but have been assigned to general affairs by the leaders. You felt that this duty didn’t allow you to stand out or gain esteem from others, which made you resistant and unwilling to cooperate. I wonder if your state has improved recently. Previously, I also experienced such a state. Later, through reading God’s words, I gained some understanding of my corrupt disposition of pursuing reputation and status, and also corrected my fallacious views on duties and started to do my duties diligently. This time, I want to share with you my experience in this letter, hoping it can offer you some help.

In October 2021, when I first started as a leader, no matter how late it was after finishing my work each day, I would read God’s words. I thought to myself, “As long as I understand more of the truth, and can solve all the problems I encounter, the brothers and sisters will surely think highly of me when they see that I have the truth realities.” Half a year later, due to my poor caliber, my heavy focus on pride and status, and often being constrained by my corrupt disposition, I failed to achieve good results in my duties and was dismissed. The leaders arranged for me to help the brothers and sisters with computer issues based on my skills. At that time, the state I revealed was similar to yours. I thought to myself, “This is just an inconspicuous task, requiring physical labor, and no matter how much I do, no one would know.” Through reading God’s words, I realized that there was God’s intention in the reassignment of duties and that I should submit and accept it. But I still couldn’t help thinking, “Working in general affairs has no future development. No matter how well I do it, I won’t gain esteem from others. It’s better to be a leader, where the position is higher and more prestigious.” Although I was doing my duty, I could never muster much enthusiasm. Especially when I heard that the newcomer, Sister Zhou Ting, had good caliber and made quick progress, and that she was elected as a leader, I felt very upset, “Although my ability to solve problems is somewhat lacking, I should be better than a newcomer. Since the newcomer has been made a leader, why am I still assigned to general affairs? What will the brothers and sisters think of me?”

One day, the leaders came for a gathering, and I was in another room helping with computer issues. I overheard the leaders fellowshipping on the cultivation of people, saying that some people, although they had believed in God for only a few years, had good caliber and pursued the truth more, so they were worth cultivating. On the other hand, some people had shown little progress despite believing in God for many years, and also had poor caliber, so they were not worth cultivating. Hearing this, I felt a great pain in my heart and thought, “Am I not the kind of person who is unworthy of being cultivated? It seems I can only do some general affairs work, with no chance to stand out.” After a while, a leader closed the door, and I felt even more distressed, thinking, “Previously, when I had been a leader, the upper-level leaders had also held gatherings to fellowship with us, and I had been one of those being cultivated. But now, I’m just here to handle computer issues, merely a worker exerting physical labor and doing chores.” I also thought that the church leaders attending the gathering all knew me, and I wondered what they would think of me if they knew I was now doing this duty. The more I thought about it, the more distressed I became. When it was time to explain to them how to use the equipment after fixing the computer issues, I didn’t want to go over there at all. I felt like just a menial worker, not on the same level as them. I paced around the room for a long time before reluctantly going over to speak with them. When I returned, I felt a deep sense of discomfort, thinking that no matter how well I did, no one would know, or hold me in high esteem. What’s the point of putting in so much time and effort? I might as well just do as much as I can. After that, I stopped putting my heart into my duty. Whenever brothers and sisters asked me questions, I replied without carefully considering them, nor did I summarize problems or deviations in my work. I also didn’t pay attention to learning skills and didn’t want to put in the time and effort to study, being merely content to finish the tasks at hand. During that time, because I lacked burden in my duty, I would start feeling drowsy early in the evening. Later, I realized that my state was not right, so I prayed to God, asking Him to guide me to recognize my issues.

In my seeking, I read these words of God: “In the house of God, there is constant mention of accepting God’s commission and performing one’s duty properly. How does duty come into being? To speak broadly, it comes into being as a result of God’s management work of bringing salvation to humanity; to speak specifically, as God’s management work unfolds among mankind, various work appears that requires people to cooperate and complete it. This has given rise to responsibilities and missions for people to fulfill, and these responsibilities and missions are the duties God bestows upon mankind” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. What Is the Adequate Performance of Duty?). “Whatever your duty, do not discriminate between high and low. Suppose you say, ‘Though this task is a commission from God and the work of God’s house, if I do it, people might look down on me. Others get to do work that lets them stand out. I’ve been given this task, which doesn’t let me stand out but makes me exert myself behind the scenes, it’s unfair! I will not do this duty. My duty has to be one that makes me stand out in front of others and allows me to make a name for myself—and even if I don’t make a name for myself or stand out, I still have to benefit from it and feel physically at ease.’ Is this an acceptable attitude? Being picky is not accepting things from God; it is making choices according to your own preferences. This is not accepting your duty; it is a refusal of your duty, a manifestation of your rebelliousness against God. Such pickiness is adulterated with your individual preferences and desires. When you give consideration to your own benefit, your reputation, and so on, your attitude toward your duty is not submissive” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. What Is the Adequate Performance of Duty?). From God’s words, I understood that no matter what duty one does, it is a mission and responsibility given by God. There is no such thing as high or low duties. If one categorizes duties as high or low and only desires to do those that make them stand out, while avoiding other duties, this is a refusal of one’s duty and shows a lack of genuine submission to God. Reflecting on myself in light of God’s words, I realized that I approached my duties based on personal preference, always desiring to do the more prominent duties. Thinking back to when I was a leader, to be highly regarded by the higher-level leaders and earn the esteem of the brothers and sisters, I put in a lot of effort and did my duties with great enthusiasm. But when it came to doing general affairs work, I felt that I was merely exerting physical labor and that my role was insignificant. I saw this type of duty as lower in status, feeling that it offered no opportunity to stand out, which made me feel unmotivated in doing my duty. Especially when I heard the leader say that some long-time believers with poor calibers and slow progress had no value for cultivation, I felt that I was even less worthy than newcomers and could only handle some work of general affairs. This made me feel particularly despondent, and I lost the motivation to do my duties. I did not put my heart into what I was supposed to do, which caused some loss in my duties. I then thought about how duty is a responsibility given by God, and whether it is high-profile or low-profile, I should accept it from God and submit, and fulfill the responsibilities that are mine to bear. But because I felt that I had lost face and that my desire for status wasn’t satisfied, I began to feel resistant, reason, become negative, and slack off in my work. I didn’t put in the effort to think through and solve the problems that arose in my duties, nor did I study or learn the necessary skills. As a result, I couldn’t resolve some issues independently, which increased the workload for the brothers and sisters I worked with. My focus on reputation and status was too strong. I was only concerned with my own vanity, pride, and personal interests, even at the expense of delaying the church’s work. I saw that I had no obedience toward the reassignment of my duties, and had no conscience or reason at all.

Later, I read another passage of God’s words: “For antichrists, reputation and status are not some additional requirement, much less things which are external to them that they could do without. They are part of the nature of antichrists, they are in their bones, in their blood, they are innate to them. Antichrists are not indifferent toward whether they possess reputation and status; this is not their attitude. Then, what is their attitude? Reputation and status are intimately connected to their daily lives, to their daily state, to what they pursue on a daily basis. And so for antichrists, status and reputation are their life. No matter how they live, no matter what environment they live in, no matter what work they do, no matter what they pursue, what their goals are, what their life’s direction is, it all revolves around having a good reputation and a high status. And this aim does not change; they can never put aside such things. This is the true face of antichrists, and their essence. You could put them in a primeval forest deep in the mountains, and still they would not put aside their pursuit of reputation and status. You can put them among any group of people, and all they can think about is still reputation and status. Although antichrists also believe in God, they see the pursuit of reputation and status as equivalent to faith in God and give it equal weight. Which is to say, as they walk the path of faith in God, they also pursue their own reputation and status. It can be said that in antichrists’ hearts, they believe that pursuit of the truth in their faith in God is the pursuit of reputation and status; the pursuit of reputation and status is also the pursuit of the truth, and to gain reputation and status is to gain the truth and life. If they feel that they have no reputation, gains, or status, that no one admires them, or esteems them, or follows them, then they are very disappointed, they believe there is no point in believing in God, no value to it, and they say to themselves, ‘Is such faith in god a failure? Is it hopeless?’ They often deliberate such things in their hearts, they deliberate how they can carve a place out for themselves in the house of God, how they can have a lofty reputation in the church, so that people listen when they talk, and support them when they act, and follow them wherever they go; so that they have the final say in the church, and fame, gain, and status—they really focus on such things in their hearts. These are what such people pursue. Why are they always thinking about such things? After reading the words of God, after hearing sermons, do they really not understand all this, are they really not able to discern all this? Are the words of God and the truth really not able to change their notions, ideas, and opinions? That is not the case at all. The problem lies in them, it is wholly because they do not love the truth, because, in their hearts, they are averse to the truth, and as a result, they are utterly unreceptive to the truth—which is determined by their nature essence” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). God’s words expose that those who are antichrists regard reputation and status as their life. No matter what duty they do or among whom, their thoughts are always for the sake of reputation and status. If they don’t gain others’ esteem and admiration, they feel their lives are worthless. Reflecting on this, weren’t my views on pursuit the same as those of antichrists? Since childhood, I’d been influenced by Satan’s poisons such as “People need their pride just as a tree needs its bark,” “A man leaves his name behind wherever he stays, just as a goose utters its cry wherever it flies,” and “Man struggles upward; water flows downward.” I’d taken the pursuit of reputation and status as my life’s goal, wanting to gain others’ esteem no matter what I did. When I was in school, I had envied those who held official positions and had prestige, believing that they were esteemed by people wherever they went. I had thought that by becoming someone like that, my life would have value, so I had studied hard, hoping that my efforts would lead to a good job in the future and earn me esteem from others. After I had started believing in God, my views on pursuit had remained the same. When I had been a leader, no matter how busy my duty was, I would read God’s words, aiming to equip myself with more truths to solve the problems of the brothers and sisters, so as to gain their esteem. During gatherings, I had constantly pondered how to fellowship so that brothers and sisters wouldn’t look down on me. Because my intention had been wrong and my state hadn’t been good, it had affected the effectiveness of the gatherings. When doing general affairs work, I had still been following the old path. Because I had feared being looked down on, after resolving the computer problems for the leaders, I hadn’t even dared to face something as simple as saying a word to them, and I had felt very repressed inside. Afterward, I had been very passive in my duties, which had also affected the work. I saw that in whatever duty I had been doing, my thoughts and intentions had been all for my own reputation and status. Wasn’t this following the path of antichrists? Clearly, I was nothing; I had no truth realities, my caliber was poor, and my corrupt disposition was quite severe. Instead of keeping my head down and doing my duty, I had been constantly concerned about my own pride and status. When I didn’t get those things, I had become negative and distressed, and lost motivation in my duties. Reputation and status truly bound me ever so tightly, dominating every day of my life. In everything I had done, I had desired esteem and approval from others. Living this way truly was extremely painful! God had given me the opportunity to do my duty so that I could pursue the truth and achieve a change in my disposition through doing my duty. But I had failed to conscientiously do my duty and hadn’t put effort into pursuing the truth, always seeking reputation and status to gain others’ esteem. When I had lost face or status, I had taken it out on my duty, and acted irresponsibly in doing it. This was rebelling against and resisting God! Now I saw clearly that blindly pursuing fame, gain, and status truly was extremely dangerous. Whenever my fame, gain, or status were at stake, I would get resistant and complain, becoming passive and negative in my duty, which had led to losses in the work. If I continued stubbornly pursuing like this, ultimately I would only be spurned and eliminated by God. Nuo Yi, do you know? When I realized these things, I felt scared, thinking, “I cannot continue pursuing along the wrong path. I need to fully cherish the opportunity God has given me to do my duty.”

I read another passage of God’s words that helped me gain some understanding of how to determine my position. Almighty God says: “If you think that your caliber is very poor, and that you have no ability to distinguish right from wrong, and that you have no ability to comprehend the truth, then whatever you do, do not indulge your ambitions and desires, and do not ponder how to strive toward becoming some official in the church—toward becoming a church leader—being a leader is not that easy. If you are not an honest person and have no love for the truth, then as soon as you become a leader, you will be either an antichrist or a false leader. … If you have a sense of burden toward church work, and wish to be involved in it, this is good; but you must reflect on whether you understand the truth, on whether you are able to fellowship the truth to resolve issues, on whether you are able to truly submit to the work of God, and on whether you are able to carry out church work properly according to work arrangements. If you meet these criteria, you may run to be a leader or a worker. What I mean by saying this is that at the very least, people must possess self-awareness. First look at if you are able to discern people, whether you can understand the truth and do things according to principle. If you meet these requirements, you are suitable to be a leader or a worker. If you are not capable of self-appraisal, you can ask the people around you who are familiar with you or close to you. If they all say that you are of insufficient caliber to be a leader, and that just doing your current job well is already good enough, then you should quickly come to know yourself. Since you are of poor caliber, don’t spend all your time wanting to be a leader—just do what you can, do your duty properly with both feet firmly on the ground, so that you can have peace of mind. This, too, is good. And if you are capable of being a leader, if you are truly possessed of such caliber and talent, if you possess work capability, and have a sense of burden, then you are precisely the kind of people of talent that the house of God lacks, and you are certain to be promoted and cultivated; but there is the time of God in all things. This wish—the wish to be promoted—is not ambition, but you must have the caliber, and meet the criteria, to be a leader. If you are of poor caliber yet still spend all your time wanting to be a leader, or to take on some important task, or to be responsible for overall work, or to do something that allows you to distinguish yourself, then I tell you: This is ambition. Ambition can bring disaster, so you should be wary of it. People all have a desire to make progress and are all willing to strive toward the truth, which is not a problem. Some people have caliber, meet the criteria for being leaders, and are able to strive toward the truth, and this is a good thing. Others are not possessed of caliber, so they should stick to their own duty, performing the duty that is right in front of them properly and doing it according to principle, and according to the requirements of God’s house; for them, that’s better, safer, more realistic” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (5)). Nuo Yi, have you not also gained some things from reading this passage of God’s words? From this passage, I understood that if someone has the caliber and work capability, and meets the criteria for being a leader, God’s house will certainly promote and cultivate them. But if someone has poor caliber and does not meet the criteria for being a leader, then even if they become a leader, they will be unable to do actual work and will inevitably bring losses to the church’s work. I had always thought that being a leader would gain me esteem from others, but I had never reflected on whether I actually met the criteria for being a leader. Looking back at my time as a leader, I hadn’t been able to clearly see or resolve the problems that had arisen in the duties of the brothers and sisters. When there were many tasks, I hadn’t been able to manage them all at once, and I hadn’t even been able to properly do the work that I had been primarily responsible for. Moreover, I had been overly concerned with my status, hadn’t focused on seeking the truth principles in doing my duty, and had constantly thought about how to fellowship in a way that would gain the brothers and sisters’ esteem. My heart couldn’t truly be committed to the duty, and no results had come from doing it. The upper leaders had reassigned my duty according to principles, which would benefit the church’s work and serve as a protection for me. Now, the duty I’m doing involves knowing some technical skills, and I am able to master these skills and make a contribution to this duty. This duty is suited to me. As God says: “Some people have caliber, meet the criteria for being leaders, and are able to strive toward the truth, and this is a good thing. Others are not possessed of caliber, so they should stick to their own duty, performing the duty that is right in front of them properly and doing it according to principle, and according to the requirements of God’s house; for them, that’s better, safer, more realistic.” Indeed, for those who meet the criteria for being a leader, being promoted and cultivated by God’s house is a good thing, as it allows them to receive more training, enter various aspects of truth principles, and use their practical experience to help brothers and sisters, which is a good thing for the church’s work. For those who do not meet the criteria for being a leader, they should steadfastly do their duties they are capable of, and they can also enter into some truth realities, ultimately having the opportunity for salvation. Recognizing this, I have understood a bit more of God’s intention. God arranged such environments to help me gain an accurate understanding of myself. I need to find my correct position and do my duty in a down-to-earth manner. This is the most important thing and this is the reason I should have.

I read another passage of God’s words: “Everyone is equal before the truth. Those who are promoted and cultivated are not very much better than others. Everyone has experienced God’s work for around the same time. Those who have not been promoted or cultivated should also pursue the truth while doing their duties. No one may deprive others of the right to pursue the truth. Some people are more eager in their pursuit of the truth and have some caliber, so they are promoted and cultivated. This is due to the needs of the work of God’s house. So why does God’s house have such principles for promoting and using people? Because there are differences in people’s caliber and character, and each person chooses a different path, this leads to different outcomes in people’s faith in God. Those who pursue the truth are saved and become people of the kingdom, while those who do not accept the truth at all, who are not loyal in doing their duty, are eliminated. God’s house cultivates and uses people based on whether they pursue the truth, and on whether they are loyal in doing their duty. Is there a distinction in the hierarchy of various people in God’s house? For the time being, there is no hierarchy in terms of various people’s positions, worth, status, or standing. At least during the period when God works to save and guide people, there is no difference between various people’s ranks, positions, worth, or status. The only things that are different are in the division of work and in the duty roles performed. Of course, during this period, some people, on exception, are promoted and cultivated to do some special jobs, while some people do not receive such opportunities due to various reasons such as problems with their caliber or family environment. But does God not save those who have not received such opportunities? This is not the case. Is their worth and position lower than others’? No. Everyone is equal before the truth, everyone has the opportunity to pursue and gain the truth, and God treats everyone fairly and reasonably” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (5)). Through reading God’s words, I realized that before the truth, everyone is equal. In God’s house, people are assessed based on their caliber, character, and pursuit of the truth to determine whether they can be cultivated. There is no hierarchical distinction between those who are promoted and cultivated and those who are not; the only difference is in everyone’s division of work. But I thought being a leader has a higher status, like an official, while doing the work of general affairs has a lower status, like a menial worker. I was measuring the duties in God’s house with a worldly perspective, which does not accord with God’s words at all. God’s words corrected my fallacious views. In God’s house, regardless of the duty one does, the truth that God supplies to people is the same, and the opportunities that God gives to people to gain the truth are also the same. God does not look at what duty a person does; He looks at whether they pursue the truth. Even if a person’s caliber is poor, as long as their heart is right, and they can submit to God’s arrangements, and practice as much as they understand, God will still enlighten and lead them. I thought about Sister Hai Lun, my partner in my duty. Her caliber wasn’t very good, but she had a sense of burden for her duty. She promptly learned any necessary skills, and readily accepted and submitted to any assignment to address problems, regardless of where it was. Hai Lun put her heart into her duty, so she received the Holy Spirit’s enlightenment and guidance, and her duty had effects. God’s disposition is righteous; He shows no favoritism. As long as one sincerely pursues the truth, they can gain it no matter what duty they do. After realizing this, I felt much clearer. I understood that in doing my duty, I should focus on pursuing the truth rather than concerning myself with status.

Nuo Yi, I’m now able to submit to doing general affairs work and have learned some lessons. Previously, I was negative and slacked off, and lacked burden in doing my duty, not putting effort into pondering to resolve the problems in work. Now, it’s much better. I focus on identifying deviations in my duties and proactively work to resolve these issues. Previously, I was not proactive in learning technical skills, not putting in the time and effort to study more complex ones. Now, I am willing to learn the technical skills required for my duties. Though I still face some difficulties, I no longer approach them with a corrupt disposition like before. Through prayer and relying on God, I have learned many technical skills. Previously, I treated helping brothers and sisters with computer issues as just a task. Now, I consciously focus on my life entry. When I reveal corrupt dispositions in my duties, I can seek God’s words to address my problems and correct my wrong state. When I see newcomers becoming leaders, I am no longer disturbed. I can face it calmly and correctly. I’ve realized how important it is to have an honest heart in doing one’s duty. No matter what duty one does, having a pure and submissive heart, and doing one’s best, can lead to God’s enlightenment and guidance, and one will gain much from their duties. Nuo Yi, seeing this, have you gained some paths of practice for yourself?

Alright, that’s all I have to say for now. I hope my experience this time has been helpful to you, and will guide you in overcoming your negative state soon, allowing you to approach your duties with an honest heart, and not let down the painstaking efforts that God has invested in us. Feel free to write and share any insights or gains you have.

Your friend, Yu Xun

September 19, 2023