28. Does Pursuing Fame and Gain Lead to a Happy Life?
In 1998, the company my wife and I worked at went bankrupt, and we both lost our jobs. At that time, our financial situation at home was pretty bad. My mother was sick and had medical expenses, and we also had to pay school fees for our child. I tried to borrow money from my friends and relatives, but nobody was willing to respond. I saw how cold people could be toward each other. I thought to myself, “I’ve got to earn more money and make something of myself so no one will look down on me again!” After that, I started a pig farm and partnered with some others to open a company. But it all fell through, and I ended up in a lot of debt. Later, someone recommended that I work as an accountant at a logistics company. I really cherished this job, as it was at one of the country’s most influential companies, and I thought that as long as I worked hard, there was great room to grow. To improve my family’s financial situation, I often worked overtime. The boss thought highly of me, and began entrusting me with some of the company’s most important financial tasks. I handled every task conscientiously, and I was diligent and responsible with every job I was given, putting my boss at ease. My boss was really pleased with me, so little by little, I kept getting promoted, moving from an accountancy role to that of a department manager, and with this, the scope of my responsibilities grew and grew. Those relatives, friends, and colleagues who once looked down on me started fawning over me. I felt really happy and thought that I finally had something to strive for in my life. When I thought about it, although I was just a department manager at the time, I felt that if I could be promoted further, not only would my income increase, but my reputation would also keep growing, and by that point I’d really be making it, and I’d earn both fame and gain.
Some time later, a relative preached the gospel of God of the last days to me. After going to gatherings for a while, I understood that the truths that God expresses in the last days are to save humanity, and that so long as one pursues the truth and their disposition changes, they can be protected by God during the great disasters and enter into a beautiful destination. From then on, alongside my day job, I would attend gatherings with brothers and sisters, eating and drinking God’s words, and singing hymns to praise God. Soon after, I started doing my duty. At first, my duty didn’t conflict much with my job. But as time went by, my duty got busier, and I’d sometimes have to take several days off in a row. I started to get concerned, worrying that my duty would affect my job. Because the financial work I was responsible for involved money, one little slip-up could cost me my job, and if my boss ended up firing me, all my hopes would be dashed. I wondered, “If that happened, would my relatives, friends, and colleagues still hold me in such high regard?” Moreover, my family’s living conditions had just started to improve, and if I slipped up and lost this job, we’d end up back in poverty. After much deliberation, I decided to take fewer leaves of absence and take on more work. After that, even when I took leave to do my duty, I’d call to follow up on my assistant’s work, showering him with reminders and exhortations to make sure nothing went wrong. I worked even harder during regular working hours, and I’d even worry about work during my devotionals. Even when it was almost time to leave work, if I received a task, I’d immediately get to work. While others went home to rest after clocking out, I’d stay in the office, continuing to work overtime. Sometimes, I worked overtime late into the night, and I’d be exhausted to the point where my back ached and I had no strength left in my body. I planned to read God’s words when I got home, but after just a few lines my brain would start to switch off, and I’d become too drowsy to carry on. I’d even comfort myself by saying, “I’ll read later when I’ve got more time,” and then I’d just go to sleep. Sometimes, I wanted to calm my heart to carefully ponder God’s words, but I just couldn’t have the energy. As soon as my phone rang about a company matter, I’d close my book of God’s words and go handle it. Although I kept up with my duty, as a believer, I couldn’t even maintain regular devotionals or have a normal relationship with God. I felt really uneasy and thought that this wasn’t the kind of life I wanted. But when I thought about the prestige this job brought me, I felt powerless to let it go. It was a real dilemma.
After seeing how dedicated and responsible I was, my boss promoted me to the position of Financial Settlement Manager at headquarters, responsible for network-wide freight settlements. This was the core department of the company, and gaining this title meant I was getting closer and closer to my goal of owning a car and a house, and that’s not even mentioning the additional benefits that came with being promoted to this position. From companies to individuals, everyone wanting advance payments and freight income earlier would actively seek to suck up to me. Moreover, I had advisory rights on salary increases, job dispatches, and position alterations for department personnel, so more and more people sought to curry favor with me. Sometimes, when I posted a message in the work group, many people would respond, and this kind of overwhelming responsiveness was something I had never enjoyed before. With this promotion, my salary also increased along with it, and I also received a lot of extra income. The bosses who actively sought my help would occasionally bring me local specialties, high-end cigarettes and alcohol, gift cards, and other such items, and every holiday was like my harvest season. Sometimes I’d think that as a believer, I should be an honest person, and not use my power to seek out personal gain like nonbelievers do, but I couldn’t resist the temptation of profit. I was well aware of God’s requirements but incapable of putting them into practice. Moreover, due to prolonged eye strain, my vision gradually deteriorated, and too many late nights caused my blood pressure to rise and my calves to swell, making me feel physically and mentally exhausted after a day’s work. I knew that carrying on like this would harm my health, but I couldn’t stop. Without this job, I’d lose all these material benefits and everyone’s admiration. Sometimes at gatherings, brothers and sisters would talk about how they had experienced things, how they recognized aspects of their corruption, and how they made amends after reading God’s words. I felt a deep sense of envy, thinking, “These brothers and sisters are all pursuing a change in disposition, but I’m still struggling in the quagmire of money, fame, and gain, let alone cast off my corrupt disposition; I haven’t even lived out the likeness of a Christian. I’ve become an out-and-out slave to money!” I knew this job really slowed me down in my pursuit of the truth and my faith in God, but I still couldn’t bear to let go of the fame and gain it brought me. I knew that as soon as I let go, all the glory and material enjoyment I gained in exchange for years of hard work would be lost. I felt deeply conflicted and didn’t know what to do.
One day at a gathering, I read a passage of God’s words: “Man must pursue to live out a life of meaning, and should not be satisfied with his current circumstances. To live out the image of Peter, he must possess the knowledge and experiences of Peter. Man must pursue things that are higher and more profound. He must pursue a deeper, purer love of God, and a life that has value and meaning. Only this is life; only then will man be the same as Peter. You must focus on being proactive toward your entry on the positive side, and must not passively allow yourself to backslide for the sake of momentary ease while ignoring more profound, more specific, and more practical truths. Your love must be practical, and you must find ways to free yourself from this depraved, carefree life that is no different from an animal’s. You must live out a life of meaning, a life of value, and you must not fool yourself or treat your life like a toy to be played with” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Experiences of Peter: His Knowledge of Chastisement and Judgment). God’s words really enlightened me. God requires us to emulate Peter, who wasn’t entangled by worldly matters, and was able to let go of fame, gain, status, and fleshly pleasures to pursue a meaningful life. Peter had excellent scholarly achievements, and with his intelligence and wisdom, he definitely could have become an official at that time, but he felt that pursuing worldly fame and gain through a career as an official was meaningless, and he wanted to seek a meaningful life instead. Later, Peter was called by the Lord to follow Him, and he gained many truths, came to have a real understanding of God, and ultimately achieved supreme love for God and submission unto death, and received God’s approval. Then I looked at myself in light of this. In order to live a life of high regard and get ahead, I put all my energy into work, but what would I actually gain from pursuing money, status, and fleshly pleasures like this? Thinking it over, even if my fleshly desires were satisfied, and I realized my goals of having a car, a house, and status, if I failed to gain the truth despite my belief in God, what meaning would such a life have? Wouldn’t this be a waste of life? Living just to satisfy fleshly pleasures is no different from living like an animal, and no matter how good the fleshly pleasures are, they ultimately come to nothing. Although I still hadn’t achieved Peter’s resolve, I had to strive toward it, and focus more on eating and drinking God’s words and pursuing the truth. So I prayed to God, asking Him to open up a path for me, “God, I don’t want to carry on like this. I want to diligently pursue the truth. Although my understanding is limited right now, I am willing to gradually let go of money, fame, and gain. I ask You to lead me to break free from the mire of money, fame, and gain.” After praying, I felt much calmer.
One day, my boss suddenly asked to speak with me. He said that the freight settlements had basically come to maturity, but aviation settlements were still in the exploratory phase, and he wanted me to shoulder this work. Aviation settlements were far less prestigious than freight settlements, but the workload was much smaller, and it was clear to me that God had heard my prayer and that He was leading me step by step to break free from the bonds of money, fame, and gain in accordance with my stature. The bosses in the freight sector were real snobs, and when they heard I’d been transferred, they all distanced themselves from me and didn’t want anything to do with me. Sometimes, when they saw me, they would make a show of pulling out their phones and pretending to take a call. Compared to before, when I constantly had people orbiting me, it felt like a real fall from grace, and I found myself missing the days when people admired and fawned over me. One day at a gathering, I read a passage of God’s words: “In contests between positive and negative, black and white, you are surely aware of the choices that you have made between family and God, children and God, peace and disruption, riches and poverty, status and ordinariness, being supported and being cast aside, and so on. Between a peaceful family and a broken one, you chose the former, and you did so without any hesitation; between riches and duty, you again chose the former, even lacking the will to return to shore; between luxury and poverty, you chose the former; when choosing between your sons, daughters, wives and husbands, and Me, you chose the former; and between notion and truth, you once again chose the former. Faced with all manner of your evil deeds, I have simply lost faith in you. It simply astounds Me that your hearts are so resistant to being softened. Many years of dedication and effort have apparently brought Me nothing more than your abandonment and resignation, but My hopes for you grow with each passing day, for My day has been completely laid bare before everyone. Yet you persist in seeking dark and evil things, and refuse to loosen your grip on them. What, then, will be your outcome? Have you ever given careful consideration to this? If you were asked to choose again, what then would be your position? Would it still be the former? Would you still bring Me disappointment and wretched sorrow? Would your hearts still possess the sole modicum of warmth? Would you still be unaware of what to do to comfort My heart?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. To Whom Are You Loyal?). Each of God’s questions struck my heart. Although I believed in God, I still couldn’t see through money, fame, and gain, I focused most of my energy on work and making money, and I couldn’t even keep up normal devotionals or read God’s words. With this latest reassignment, although I could accept it from God, after taking on the aviation settlement work, I saw those bosses who used to fawn over me change their tune all of a sudden, and I felt emotionally stirred. I felt that it was better to have power, and without it, no one respects you, so I still missed my days handling freight settlements. I was truly the kind of person exposed by God who is only loyal to money, fame, and gain! This change in position was God opening up a path for me and with the workload of aviation settlements being much smaller than that of freight settlements, I was able to free up time to equip myself more with God’s words, and use my spare time to preach the gospel to my colleagues, which was beneficial for my pursuit of the truth and doing my duties. With this in mind, I stopped missing my previous job.
In May 2013, my boss merged the freight and aviation settlement departments, creating a new department and giving me full responsibility. The workload was now doubled compared to when I was supervising just a single-task job, and although several assistants were added, there were still a lot of concerns to see to, and gradually, my time once again became consumed by work. I couldn’t help but think of when I was in charge of aviation settlements, when time wasn’t as tight, and I was able to not only keep up with regular devotionals, but also take time to preach the gospel to my colleagues, through which I came to understand many truths, discover my shortcomings, and experience God’s urgent intention to save people. But now my energy was entirely focused on work, and I realized that my boss’s decision to put me in charge of the newly merged department was a temptation from Satan. So I wanted to give up the job. But when I thought about how this job was the result of all my years of hard work, I felt reluctant to let it go so easily, so I prayed to God, “God, I am struggling. If I quit this job, I will have to live a modest life, and all my previous dreams will become nothing more than illusions, but I know that pursuing the truth is more important, so please lead me.” During that time, I often prayed to God, seeking His guidance and leadership, and I consciously looked for God’s words to read. One day, I heard a hymn of God’s words called “Is the World Your Place of Rest?”:
1 Is the world really your place of rest? Can you really, by avoiding My chastisement, attain the faintest smile of gratification from the world? Can you truly use your fleeting enjoyment to cover up the emptiness in your heart, the emptiness that cannot be concealed?
2 You might be able to fool everyone in your family, but you can never fool Me. Because your faith is too meager, you are still, to this day, powerless to find any of the delights life has to offer. I urge you: better to sincerely spend half your life for My sake than your whole life in mediocrity and busywork for the flesh, enduring all the suffering a man can hardly bear. What purpose does it serve to treasure yourself so much and flee from My chastisement?
—The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. What It Means to Be a Real Person
God’s words moved me deeply. I thought about how I had been working nonstop like a machine every day in the pursuit of money, status, and a life of material wealth, and how I had ended up exhausting my body and mind, and suffered from many physical ailments. When I was in charge of aviation settlements, although there was less extra income, I had more time to eat and drink God’s words, and my heart became closer to God, which changed my spiritual outlook. With the disasters getting bigger and bigger, if I kept clinging to money and status, when God’s work finished, if I hadn’t gained the truth and perished in the disasters, it would be too late for remorse. God had prepared such a good opportunity for me, allowing me to receive the nourishment and watering of His words, and to gather and fellowship on His words with brothers and sisters, providing me with spiritual sustenance. Yet I had no gratitude. I didn’t understand God’s urgent intention to save people, I was unable to do my duty as a created being, and I was still just planning for my future and livelihood. Wasn’t all this hard work and toiling for the sake of my flesh in vain? By only caring about the small gains before me, I lost the chance to gain the truth and the life. I was truly short-sighted! The material things I was chasing would have no use in the disasters, and wouldn’t save me at all. Realizing this, I knelt before God and prayed, “God, I am truly in Your debt. You saved me, but I haven’t thought to repay You, and I am still clinging to money and status. These things have brought me such temptation. God, I am too small in stature, I don’t want to be continuously corrupted and made a fool of by Satan in this realm of filth. Please give me the resolve to rebel against the flesh, so that I can do my duty full-time to repay Your love.”
Later, I read a passage of God’s words and began to see more clearly the consequences of pursuing fame and gain. Almighty God says: “Satan uses fame and gain to control man’s thoughts, until all people can think of is fame and gain. They struggle for fame and gain, suffer hardships for fame and gain, endure humiliation for fame and gain, sacrifice everything they have for fame and gain, and they will make any judgment or decision for the sake of fame and gain. In this way, Satan binds people with invisible shackles, and they have neither the strength nor the courage to throw them off. They unknowingly bear these shackles and trudge ever onward with great difficulty. For the sake of this fame and gain, mankind shuns God and betrays Him and becomes increasingly wicked. In this way, therefore, one generation after another is destroyed in the midst of Satan’s fame and gain. Looking now at Satan’s actions, are its sinister motives not utterly detestable? Maybe today you still cannot see through Satan’s sinister motives because you think one cannot live without fame and gain. You think that if people leave fame and gain behind, they will no longer be able to see the way ahead, no longer be able to see their goals, that their futures will become dark, dim and gloomy. But, slowly, you will all one day recognize that fame and gain are massive shackles that Satan uses to bind man. When that day comes, you will thoroughly resist Satan’s control and thoroughly resist the shackles Satan uses to bind you. When the time comes that you wish to throw off all the things Satan has instilled in you, you will then make a clean break with Satan and you will truly loathe all that Satan has brought to you. Only then will mankind have a real love and yearning for God” (The Word, Vol. 2. On Knowing God. God Himself, the Unique VI). God’s words hit the nail on the head, exposing how Satan uses fame and gain to bind and control people. I’d long been influenced by Satan’s ideas, such as “Money isn’t everything, but without it, you can do nothing,” “Money makes the world go round,” and “Man struggles upward; water flows downward,” and these ideas had come to control me. For years, I’d worked overtime and put enormous strain on my health in the pursuit of money, fame and gain, and I’d come to pray to God less and read less of His words, growing farther and farther away from Him. I saw that some brothers and sisters spent their time pursuing the truth, and that they were making rapid progress in their lives, but as for me, in the pursuit of money, fame, and gain, I had hardly made any progress in my life. What a terrible loss this was! Over the years, I’d buried myself in work and endured humiliation, and in the end, even though my dreams came true, I’d become more and more crooked and deceitful, spending my days interacting with people without sincerity, but with an attitude of mutual exploitation, losing my human dignity and integrity for fame and gain, and living a life of extreme suffering and torment. I thought of a once-renowned entrepreneur, a man who became a billionaire while still in his youth, who at the peak of his fame and fortune, shuttled between various dinner parties every day. He refused to rest despite severe exhaustion, and as a result, he got sick and died before forty. This is the end result of Satan’s use of fame and gain to harm people. The Lord Jesus once said: “What is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?” (Matthew 16:26). In the last days, Almighty God has freely bestowed upon us all the truths for saving humanity. If I still clung on to fame and gain, my position may have continued to rise, but I’d lose the opportunity to gain the truth and be saved. I no longer wanted to strive for my so-called ideals, and decided to find an opportunity to resign from my job and expend myself full-time for God. I began preparing for the handover, and I approached my general manager, Mr. Xu, to discuss my resignation. Mr. Xu said, “To process your resignation, a replacement is required and this will take a long time, but if you ask for an extended leave, I can arrange for a manager to take over your work, and you can hand over your responsibilities and then go.” After considering it, I agreed with this suggestion, and while waiting for an update, I began preparing for the handover.
One day in early October, my boss said to me, “I heard that you need to take a six-month leave due to family matters. This is unprecedented among the financial staff in our company, especially for such an important position as yours, but just this once, I’ve specially approved it for you, and during your six-month leave, your salary will remain unchanged. When you return, you will be paid all at once, and I’ll keep your managerial position reserved for you.” After thanking my boss, I left the office. The boss’s words deeply stirred me up. Receiving a salary without working for six months, and a manager position reserved for me? It seemed the company valued me a lot. I thought about how the boss had planned for me to take over the headquarters’ finances. If that happened, I’d become an executive in the company, and it would mean more people would look up to me. At that moment, I felt that my thoughts and intentions were wrong, and I recalled two passages of God’s words I had read at previous gatherings: “In every step of work that God does on people, externally it appears to be interactions between people, as if born of human arrangements or from human disturbance. But behind the scenes, every step of work, and everything that happens, is a wager made by Satan before God, and requires people to stand firm in their testimony to God. Take when Job was tried, for example: Behind the scenes, Satan was making a wager with God, and what happened to Job was the deeds of men and the disturbance of men. Behind every step of work that God does in you is Satan’s wager with God—behind it all is a battle” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Only Loving God Is Truly Believing in God). “When people experience until the day that their outlook on life, and the meaning and basis of their existence, have entirely changed, when they have been altered to their very bones and have become someone else, is this not incredible? This is a great change, an earth-shattering change. Only when you become disinterested in the fame, gain, status, money, pleasure, power and glory of the world, and can easily forgo them, will you have the likeness of a human being. Those who will ultimately be made complete by God are a group such as this; they live for the truth, live for God, and live for that which is just. This is the likeness of a true human being” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). From God’s words, I understood that though my boss’s words seemed to meet my fleshly needs, there was a satanic scheme behind it. Satan intended to use money, fame, and gain to tempt me and make me continue to serve it, so that I ultimately lose my chance to be saved. God was hoping for me to live to gain the truth and do my duty well as a created being—this was the goal I should have been pursuing. God’s words strengthened my faith, and I quickly handled the handover procedures. The handover process went very smoothly, and I realized that everything is in God’s hands and orchestrated by God. Less than a month after resigning, I began doing my duties in the church, and I had time to do devotionals and lead a church life regularly. I enjoyed the daily watering and nourishment from God’s words, and my heart was filled with peace and joy. When I encountered difficulties in my duties, I prayed to God and consulted with the brothers I was partnered with, and sought from the leaders for problems I couldn’t resolve. Sometimes, brothers and sisters pointed out my shortcomings in my duties, and although it was a bit embarrassing, by praying and eating and drinking God’s words, I was able to submit and find a path for practice from God’s words, which improved the effectiveness of my duties. This was all thanks to God’s guidance!
Through this experience, I’ve seen clearly that, money and status only bring temporary enjoyment, and that even if I gained wealth, fame, and gain beyond my wildest dreams, it would be nothing more than fleeting glory, followed by emptiness, and I’d end up a sacrificial offering to Satan. Today, I am able to rid myself of the temptations of money and status, escape Satan’s torment, and walk the right path in life. This is all thanks to the guidance of God’s words. God’s work of saving humanity is truly practical, and I sincerely thank God from the bottom of my heart!