By Li Yuan, China

In April 2023, the church arranged for me to do my duties in another location. I felt very excited and packed quickly, waiting to depart. However, I then remembered that I had a gynecological issue, and as seeking medical care might be difficult in an unfamiliar place, I went to the hospital to get checked before leaving. After learning of my symptoms, the doctor recommended a uterine curettage for a biopsy, expressing concern that any delay might allow the illness to develop into cancer. While waiting for the results, I felt uneasy, not knowing what the diagnosis would reveal. A few days later, the results came back, with the report showing “Suspected endometrial cancer.” I was stunned. After steadying myself, I asked, “It says ‘suspected cancer,’ so does that mean it might not be cancer?” The doctor replied, “Doctors rarely state outright that it is cancer; they leave room for interpretation. Further tests are needed to determine the type, and then treatment will be based on the specific condition.” After hearing this, my mind went blank, and I couldn’t take in anything else the doctor said. Faced with sudden and unexpected cancer, I was caught completely unprepared. I thought, “How could it be cancer? How could I have cancer?” Although I didn’t voice any resentment toward God, internally I wasn’t willing to accept this reality. I wondered, “Is this cancer diagnosis God’s way of revealing and eliminating me, or is it refinement? What is God’s intention?”

When I returned home, I felt an emptiness inside, and my mind was filled with thoughts of how I only had a few days to live. When I went out to do my duties with a sister that afternoon, I wasn’t in the mood, and felt distracted and unmotivated. On the way back, I looked up at the blue sky and thought, “How beautiful it is! How many days do I have left to live? How much longer will I be able to look at this beautiful sky? If I die, I’ll never witness the unprecedented grandeur of the spread of the gospel.” After that, I looked up information about uterine cancer on my phone. I saw online that some people who get endometrial cancer in their fifties could be cured, while others couldn’t. It said late-stage patients only live three to five years, and in more severe cases, they might only survive one year. The more I read, the more frightened I became, wondering what stage my cancer was and how long I might have left. That night as I lay in bed, my mind kept racing, thinking, “I’d hoped that believing in God would mean I’d be saved and never face death, but won’t I die now that I have cancer? Have all these years of faith been in vain? I might as well not have believed in God!” When these thoughts came, I realized they weren’t correct, and that they were a betrayal of God. I thought about how even those who don’t believe in God get sick, and as a believer in God, I still have to face illness as well. Is there anyone in this world who doesn’t get sick? Moreover, as a corrupted person, wasn’t it quite normal for me to get sick? Since I was sick, I needed to submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements. But the thought of dying made me feel miserable. “Oh God, I don’t want to die. I have forsaken my family and career and done my duty over these years, and yet now I have cancer. Does this mean You are abandoning and eliminating me?” Living in distress and worry, tears streamed down my face. In my heart I said to God, “God, what should I do?” At that moment, I remembered God’s words: “How should you experience sickness when it comes? You should come before God and pray, seek and grope for God’s intention…. Normally, when you face a serious illness or strange malady that makes you suffer very badly, this does not happen by chance. Whether you are ill or in good health, God’s intention is there in that” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. In Believing in God, Gaining the Truth Is Most Crucial). God’s words reminded me that people aren’t afflicted with serious illnesses by chance; God’s intentions are always in this. So, I prayed to God in my heart, “God, I know that Your intention is in me getting cancer, and that there are lessons I must learn from it, but I don’t understand what Your intention is. Please enlighten and guide me.”

Afterward, my brothers and sisters sent me a passage of God’s words: “When sickness comes calling, what path should people follow? How should they choose? People should not sink into distress, anxiety, and worry, and contemplate their own future prospects and paths. Rather, the more people find themselves in times like these and in such special situations and contexts, and the more they find themselves in such immediate difficulties, the more they should seek the truth and pursue the truth. Only by doing this will the sermons you have heard in the past and the truths you have understood not be in vain and will take effect. The more you find yourself in such difficulties as these, the more you should relinquish your own desires and submit to God’s orchestrations. God’s purpose in setting up this kind of situation and arranging these conditions for you is not to make you sink into the emotions of distress, anxiety, and worry, and it is not so that you can test God to see if He will cure you when sickness befalls, thereby sounding out the truth of the matter; God sets up these special situations and conditions for you so that you can learn the practical lessons in such situations and conditions, to attain deeper entry into the truth and into submission to God, and so that you know more clearly and accurately how God orchestrates all people, events, and things. The fates of man are in God’s hands and, whether people can sense it or not, whether they are truly aware of it or not, they should submit and not resist, not reject, and certainly not test God. You may die in any case, and if you resist, reject, and test God, then it goes without saying what your outcome will be. Conversely, if in the same situations and conditions you are able to seek how a created being ought to submit to the Creator’s orchestrations, seek what lessons you are to learn and what corrupt dispositions you are to know in the situations God brings about for you, and understand God’s intentions in such situations, and bear your testimony well to meet God’s demands, then this is what you should do. When God arranges for someone to get an illness, whether major or minor, His purpose in doing so is not to make you appreciate the ins and outs of being sick, the harm the illness does to you, the inconveniences and difficulties the illness causes you, and all the myriad feelings the illness causes you to feel—His purpose is not for you to appreciate sickness through being sick. Rather, His purpose is for you to learn the lessons from sickness, to learn how to grasp God’s intentions, to know the corrupt dispositions you reveal and the wrong attitudes you adopt toward God when you’re sick, and to learn how to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangements, so that you can achieve true submission to God and be able to stand firm in your testimony—this is absolutely key. God wishes to save you and cleanse you through sickness. What about you does He wish to cleanse? He wishes to cleanse all your extravagant desires and demands toward God, and even cleanse the various plans, judgments, and schemes you make at all costs to survive and live. God does not ask you to make plans, He does not ask you to judge, and He does not allow you to have any extravagant desires toward Him; He requires only that you submit to Him and, in your practice and experience of submitting, to know your own attitude toward sickness, and to know your attitude toward these bodily conditions He gives to you, as well as your own personal wishes. When you come to know these things, you can then appreciate how beneficial it is for you that God has arranged the circumstances of the illness for you or that He has given you these bodily conditions; and you can appreciate just how helpful they are to changing your disposition, to you attaining salvation, and to your life entry. That is why, when illness comes calling, you must not always be wondering how you can escape it or flee from it or reject it” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). Through God’s words, I understood that God’s intention in bringing sickness upon me was not for me to live in distress and anxiety, nor was it for me to appreciate the ins and outs of my illness through this experience. Rather, it was for me to learn lessons through this illness, to come to know the impurities in my faith and my extravagant desires toward God. God wanted to use this illness to purify, transform, and save me. But I hadn’t understood God’s intention. When I learned I had cancer, I lived in distress and anxiety, constantly worrying that my illness was incurable, and fearing that if I died, I would never again be able to read God’s words or do my duties, and thus be unable to attain salvation. I even tried to reason with God, thinking that since I’d forsaken my family and career to do my duty in believing in God for all these years, and hadn’t betrayed God when I faced persecution from my family, God shouldn’t have let me get cancer. I lived in fear of death, I didn’t have faith in God and I had no motivation in my duties. Through the revelation of the facts, I saw I lacked conscience, reason, and humanity, and that I did not have God in my heart at all. Once I understood these things, I could face my illness correctly.

Two days later, the doctor called to tell me he had my test results, and that it was early-stage cancer. He said it was fortunate to have caught it early and told me to come to the hospital for surgery as soon as possible. The night before the surgery, I lay in bed tossing and turning, unable to sleep, and feeling somewhat uneasy and afraid. I didn’t know if the surgery would succeed or go smoothly, or if I would die on the operating table. I quietly prayed to God, “God, I’m having surgery tomorrow. Regardless of whether or not it is successful, or if I die on the operating table, I entrust it all into Your hands and submit to Your orchestrations and arrangements.” I then read more of God’s words: “Whether you encounter a major illness or a minor one, the moment your illness gets serious or you’re facing death, just remember one thing: Do not fear death. Even if you’re in the final stages of cancer, even if the death rate for your particular illness is very high, do not fear death. Regardless of how great your suffering is, if you fear death then you will not submit. Some people say, ‘Hearing You say this, I feel inspired and have an even better idea. Not only will I not fear death, but I’ll beg for it. Won’t that make it easier to get through?’ Why beg for death? Begging for death is an extreme idea, whereas not fearing death is a reasonable attitude to adopt. Isn’t that right? (Right.) What is the right attitude you should adopt to not fear death? If your illness gets so serious that you may die, and the death rate for it is high regardless of how old the person is who contracts the illness, and the time from when people contract the illness to when they die is very short, what should you think in your heart? ‘I must not fear death, everyone dies in the end. Submitting to God, however, is something most people can’t do, and I can use this illness to practice submitting to God. I should have the thinking and the attitude of submitting to God’s orchestrations and arrangements, and I must not fear death.’ Dying is easy, much easier than living. You can be in extreme pain and you won’t be aware of it, and as soon as your eyes close, your breath ceases, your soul leaves the body, and your life ends. This is how death goes; it is this simple. Not fearing death is one attitude to adopt. Besides this, you mustn’t worry about whether your illness will get worse or not, or whether you will die if you cannot be cured, or how long it will be until you die, or what pain you will be in when it comes time to die. You mustn’t worry about these things; these are not things you should be worrying about. This is because the day must come, and it must come in some year, some month, and on some particular day. You cannot hide from it and you cannot escape it—it is your fate. Your so-called fate has been predestined by God and already arranged by Him. The span of your years and the age and time at which you die are already set by God, so what are you worried about? You can worry about it but that won’t change anything; you can worry about it, but you cannot prevent it from happening; you can worry about it, but you cannot stop that day from arriving. Therefore, your worry is superfluous, and all it does is make the burden of your illness even heavier” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (3)). “The matter of death has the same nature as other matters. It is not up to people to choose for themselves, much less can it be changed by the will of man. Death is the same as any other important event in life: It is entirely under the predestination and sovereignty of the Creator. If someone were to beg for death, they may not necessarily die; if they were to beg to live, they may not necessarily live. All this is under the sovereignty and predestination of God, and it is changed and decided by the authority of God, by God’s righteous disposition, and by God’s sovereignty and arrangements. Therefore, say you contract a serious illness, a potentially fatal serious illness, you will not necessarily die—who decides whether you will die or not? (God.) God decides. And since God decides and people cannot decide such a thing, what are people feeling anxious and distressed about? It’s like who your parents are, and when and where you are born—these things cannot be chosen by you, either. The wisest choice in these matters is to let things take their natural course, to submit, and not to choose, not to expend any thought or energy on this matter, and not to feel distressed, anxious, or worried about it. Since people are not able to choose for themselves, expending so much energy and thought on this matter is foolish and unwise. What people ought to do when facing the tremendously important matter of death is not get distressed, or fret over it, or fear it, but what? People should wait, yes? (Yes.) Right? Does waiting mean waiting for death? Waiting to die when facing death? Is that right? (No, people should face it positively and submit.) That’s right, it doesn’t mean waiting for death. Do not be petrified of death, and do not use all your energy thinking about death. Do not think all day long, ‘Will I die? When will I die? What will I do after I die?’ Just don’t think about it. Some people say, ‘Why not think about it? Why not think about it when I’m about to die?’ Because it is not known whether you will die or not, and it is not known whether God will allow you to die—these things are unknown. Specifically, it is unknown when you will die, where you will die, what time you will die, or how your body will feel when you die. By racking your brains thinking about and pondering things you don’t know and feeling anxious and worried about them, doesn’t that make you foolish? Since it makes you foolish, you shouldn’t rack your brains over these things” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (4)). From God’s words, I came to understand that a person’s life and death are all predestined by God. Even if someone gets cancer, they won’t die if they’re not supposed to. And when a person’s time is up, they will die even if they aren’t ill. No one can die or live longer just because they want to; everything is decided by God, and God is sovereign over and arranges everything. Thinking back on the time ever since I learned I had cancer, I had been worried about whether my illness could be cured, whether I would die, and whether I’d perish on the operating table. I lived each day in a constant state of distress and anxiety. Usually, I always said that God is sovereign over everything and that man’s life and death are in His hands, but when I actually got sick, it revealed that I had no understanding at all of God’s almightiness and sovereignty, no genuine faith in God, much less submission. Understanding this, I felt deeply ashamed. I realized that I needed to face the surgery positively. Whether it succeeded or failed was in God’s hands, and even if it meant I’d die that day, I would submit to His orchestrations and arrangements. God’s words gave me immense faith and courage. When they wheeled me into the operating room, I no longer felt as afraid. The surgery lasted six hours. When I woke up and realized I was still alive, I felt very happy. The next day, when the doctor came to check on me, he said, “The surgery was a big success. If no subsequent exceptional circumstances arise, further treatment won’t be necessary. We’ll do a follow-up check in a few days, and see what the test results say. If radiotherapy is needed, we’ll do that, but your condition isn’t serious.” Hearing this, I knew in my heart that this wasn’t due to the doctor’s skill, but rather to God’s sovereignty and arrangements.

Later, I secretly read God’s words in my hospital room and came across two passages: “In their belief in God, what people seek is to obtain blessings for the future; this is their goal in their faith. All people have this intent and hope, but the corruption in their nature must be resolved through trials and refinement. In whichever aspects you are not purified and reveal corruption, these are the aspects in which you must be refined—this is God’s arrangement. God creates an environment for you, forcing you to be refined there so that you can know your own corruption. Ultimately, you reach a point at which you would rather die in order to give up your schemes and desires and to submit to God’s sovereignty and arrangement. Therefore, if people do not have several years of refinement, if they do not endure a certain amount of suffering, they will not be able to rid themselves of the constraints of corruption of the flesh in their thoughts and in their hearts. In whichever aspects people are still subject to the constraints of their satanic nature, and in whichever aspects they still have their own desires and their own demands, these are the aspects in which they should suffer. Only through suffering can lessons be learned, which means being able to gain truth, and understand God’s intentions. In fact, many truths are understood by experiencing suffering and trials. Nobody can understand God’s intentions, recognize God’s almightiness and wisdom, or appreciate God’s righteous disposition when in a comfortable and easy environment or when circumstances are favorable. That would be impossible!” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). “So many believe in Me only that I might heal them. So many believe in Me only that I might use My power to drive unclean spirits out from their bodies, and so many believe in Me simply that they might receive peace and joy from Me. So many believe in Me only to demand from Me greater material wealth. So many believe in Me just to spend this life in peace and to be safe and sound in the world to come. So many believe in Me to avoid the suffering of hell and to receive the blessings of heaven. So many believe in Me only for temporary comfort, yet do not seek to gain anything in the world to come. When I grant My fury to people and seize all the joy and peace that they once possessed, they become doubtful. When I grant to people the suffering of hell and reclaim the blessings of heaven, they fly into a rage. When people ask Me to heal them, and I pay them no heed and feel abhorrence toward them, they depart from Me to instead seek the way of evil medicine and sorcery. When I take away all that people have demanded from Me, they all disappear without a trace. Thus, I say that people have faith in Me because My grace is too abundant, and because there are far too many benefits to gain” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. What Do You Know of Faith?). God’s words pinpointed the motive and goal for my faith over all those years. I had suffered, paid a price, forsaken things, and expended myself in my duties to get blessings, and to secure an outcome free from death. I thought back to when I had first started believing in God. I had learned that believers could obtain salvation and eternal life, so I proactively read God’s words and did my duties. Even when my family tried to persecute and hinder me and my husband divorced me, I still didn’t betray God. I proactively cooperated in whatever duty the church arranged for me, and never tried to shirk it. But when I was diagnosed with cancer and thought about how I’d still end up dying after forsaking things and expending myself for all those years in my belief in God, I began to reason with God. I thought that cancer was not something that should befall me, and I even regretted my faith, revealing nothing but rebelliousness and betrayal! I saw that I wasn’t genuinely expending myself for God by forsaking my family and career to do my duty, but was instead motivated by my base goal of obtaining blessings. I wanted to trade my exertions and expenditures for the blessing of entering the kingdom, I was trying to bargain with God. It is perfectly natural and justified for a created being to do a duty; this is man’s responsibility, and man shouldn’t make any demands of God. Yet, when my illness came, I not only reasoned with and complained about God, I also made a demand of God, asking Him to take away my disease. I saw that I had no God-fearing heart at all. I thought about how Job lost all his livestock and children, and how his body became covered with sores. He suffered so much pain, but not only did he not complain about God, he also didn’t want God to see his pain, and didn’t wish to bring God sorrow. Job preferred to curse himself than abandon God, he was still able to praise God’s name, and he ultimately bore a beautiful testimony for God. I saw that Job had honest and kind humanity, and that he submitted to and feared God. There was also Peter. He had true knowledge of God, accepted both refinement and tribulation, did not misunderstand or complain about God or demand anything of Him, and submitted to God’s arrangements, and he was ultimately crucified upside down for God. By contrast, my own behavior was truly shameful. I didn’t believe in God and do my duties to know God, or to pursue the truth to transform my life disposition, but rather to get blessings and an outcome without death. I was just like Paul, who believed he had finished his course, fought a good fight, and that there was laid up for him a crown of righteousness. He exerted and expended himself to bargain with God, to trade this for rewards and a crown, and he offended God’s disposition, and suffered God’s punishment. My perspective on belief in God was the same as Paul’s. If God hadn’t revealed me through this illness, I would never have been able to realize it. I would have instead continued down this mistaken path, and have ultimately been eliminated by God. At that point I realized that this illness was, in fact, God saving me.

Later, I read more of God’s words: “Tell Me, who among the billions of people all across the world is so blessed to hear so many of God’s words, to understand so many of the truths of life, and understand so many mysteries? Who among them can personally receive God’s guidance, God’s provision, His care and protection? Who is so blessed? Very few. Therefore, you few being able to live in God’s house today, receive His salvation, and receive His provision, makes it all worth it even if you were to die right now. You are so very blessed, isn’t that right? (Yes.) Looking at it from this perspective, people should not be scared stiff by the matter of death, nor should they be constrained by it. Even though you haven’t enjoyed any of the glory and wealth of the world, yet you have received the pity of the Creator and heard so many of God’s words—isn’t this blissful? (It is.) No matter how many years you live in this life, it’s all worth it and you have no regrets, because you have been constantly performing your duty in God’s work, you have understood the truth, understood the mysteries of life, and understood the path and goals you should pursue in life—you have gained so much! You have lived a worthwhile life! Even if you can’t explain it very clearly, you are able to practice some truths and possess some reality, and that proves that you have gained some life provision and understood some truths from God’s work. You have gained so much—a true abundance—and that is such a great blessing! Since the beginning of human history, no one throughout all the ages has enjoyed this blessing, yet you are enjoying it. Are you willing to die now? With such a willingness, your attitude toward death would be truly submissive, yes? (Yes.)” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (4)). After reading God’s words, I was moved to tears. In this wicked age, among billions of people, I had been fortunate enough to enter God’s house, where I’d received His watering and provision, which enabled me to understand many truths and mysteries. I’d learned that man comes from God, that every person’s life is given to them by God. I’d learned how one should worship God and live, how to be an honest person, what good is and what evil is, and more. This gave me a goal for my pursuit and put me on the correct life path. I had gained so much in following God all those years; I was truly so blessed, so even if I were to die then, it would all have been worth it. Pondering on God’s words, I was so happy that I wept. Later, I had another check-up, and the doctor said there was no sign that the cancer had spread, so radiotherapy wasn’t necessary. I only needed to have a follow-up check every three months, and I could be discharged and go home. Hearing this news, I felt so happy that I kept thanking God. Later, I did a follow-up check, and the test results showed that everything was normal.

Through this experience of illness, I gained some knowledge of my mistaken perspective on what to pursue in my faith and I also gained a bit of understanding of God’s almightiness and sovereignty. The things a person experiences in their life, their birth, aging, sickness, and death, are not for them to choose, and all of this is predestined by God. Regardless of whether I am to live or die in the future, I just wish to submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements, pursue the truth, and fulfill my duties.