By Elena, USA

In November 2020, I began to practice watering newcomers. Not long after, the leader asked me to take responsibility for hosting the group’s gatherings. I thought to myself, “The leader seems to value me, could it be that she is cultivating me? If I work hard, maybe I could end up being promoted.” So whenever I saw someone in the group raise an issue, I would actively respond. When I saw new brothers and sisters who didn’t understand something, I would enthusiastically help them. Later, the group needed to choose two leaders, and I thought, “Although I haven’t been doing this duty for long, I’m considered an important member of the group, the leader has assigned me more and more newcomers to water, and everyone thinks highly of me, so I should be chosen as a leader, right?” But to my surprise, two sisters who had been watering newcomers for a shorter time than me were chosen as leaders. Moreover, when these two sisters first arrived, I was the one who fellowshipped the principles related to the performance of this duty to them. In terms of principles, they didn’t understand more than me, and in terms of the number of people watered and the results from duties, they were far behind me. Why were they chosen instead of me? What would the brothers and sisters think of me? Would they say I was worse than these sisters who’d just arrived? The more I thought about it, the more resentful and aggrieved I felt. For the next few days, I couldn’t stop thinking about the matter, even while eating and sleeping, and I just couldn’t calm my heart. I felt that no matter how much I did or how much I suffered, no one saw it, and it was all in vain. After that, although I continued to do my duty, I lost my motivation. When I saw someone in the group raise an issue, I couldn’t be bothered to respond. I’d think, “I’m not the leader, so why should I bother speaking out? Someone will respond sooner or later anyway.” When the brothers and sisters asked me to host a gathering, I didn’t want to do it. I thought, “What’s the point? There’s no real status in hosting gatherings, and no one will think highly of me because of it. Besides, if I can’t fellowship practical experiential understanding during the gathering, they all might think that I don’t have truth realities and look down on me. This is really a thankless job.” I thought about the matter a lot, but I really didn’t want to do this duty. But I felt that refusing my duty would mean I wasn’t submitting, so I reluctantly accepted it. After that, I remained in a lukewarm state of indifference, and I had no sense of burden toward the work. Gradually, I found my duties more and more difficult, and when newcomers encountered difficulties or had notions about God’s work, I didn’t know how to fellowship the truth to resolve these issues. More and more newcomers stopped attending gatherings regularly, and I made no progress in my life entry. Every day, I just went through the motions, doing my duties mechanically. When I heard the hymn “To Believe in God but Not Gain Life Leads to Punishment,” I had a really uneasy feeling in my heart, as if I would be the one to be punished if I carried on like this, and my heart felt really tormented.

My state became so bad that I felt I truly couldn’t hold on any longer. So I opened up and talked about my state with the leader. The leader read me a passage of God’s words: “In your pursuit, you have too many individual notions, hopes, and futures. The current work is in order to prune your desire for status and your extravagant desires. Hopes, status, and notions are all classic representations of satanic disposition. … You are now followers, and you have gained some understanding of this stage of work. However, you have still not put aside your desire for status. When your status is high you seek well, but when your status is low you no longer seek. The blessings of status are always on your mind. Why is it that the majority of people cannot remove themselves from negativity? Is the answer not invariably because of bleak prospects? … The more you seek in this way, the less you will reap. The greater a person’s desire for status, the more seriously they will have to be pruned and the more they will have to undergo great refinement. Such people are worthless! They must be pruned and judged adequately in order for them to thoroughly let go of these things. If you pursue this way until the end, you will reap nothing. Those who do not pursue life cannot be transformed, and those who do not thirst for the truth cannot gain the truth. You do not focus on pursuing personal transformation and entry, but focus instead on extravagant desires and things that constrain your love for God and prevent you from drawing close to Him. Can those things transform you? Can they bring you into the kingdom?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Why Are You Unwilling to Be a Foil?). After reading God’s words, the leader reminded me, “The more weight we place on status, the more God arranges situations to reveal and prune us, and this allows us to recognize that our views on pursuit are wrong and turn them around in time. Have you reflected on why the brothers and sisters didn’t choose you to be the group leader? What exactly are your issues? When you weren’t selected as the group leader, you lost your motivation to do your duty. Does this not show that you pursue status? You always pursue status and do things for the sake of appearances. Even if you’re given status, can you do the work well?” It was through the leader’s reminder that I began to reflect on myself in light of God’s words. When I first began doing this duty, the leader often had me host gatherings, and the number of newcomers I was assigned to water kept increasing. I felt that I was being valued and seen as someone being promoted and cultivated, and then I was really motivated in my duty. Whether it was fellowshipping during gatherings or watering newcomers, I felt a great sense of burden. But later, two sisters who had been watering newcomers for a shorter time than I had were chosen as group leaders, and I felt disheartened. I felt that the leader valued them, and that brothers and sisters looked up to and admired them, while it didn’t even matter if I was in the group, and so my motivation to do my duty suddenly disappeared, and I could no longer be bothered with the issues in the group. When the brothers and sisters chose me to host the gatherings in particular, I thought this duty was insignificant and wouldn’t allow me to gain others’ admiration and value, and so I just performed the duty in a perfunctory way. It was at this point that I saw my state was exactly as exposed by God: “When your status is high you seek well, but when your status is low you no longer seek. The blessings of status are always on your mind.” What I was pursuing were reputation and status.

Later, I read another passage of God’s words: “For antichrists, reputation and status are their life, and their lifelong goal. In all they do, their first consideration is: ‘What will happen to my status? And to my reputation? Will doing this give me a good reputation? Will it elevate my status in people’s minds?’ That is the first thing they think about, which is ample proof that they have the disposition and essence of antichrists; that is why they consider things this way. … Although antichrists also believe in God, they see the pursuit of reputation and status as equivalent to faith in God and give it equal weight. Which is to say, as they walk the path of faith in God, they also pursue their own reputation and status. It can be said that in antichrists’ hearts, they believe that pursuit of the truth in their faith in God is the pursuit of reputation and status; the pursuit of reputation and status is also the pursuit of the truth, and to gain reputation and status is to gain the truth and life. If they feel that they have no reputation, gains, or status, that no one admires them, or esteems them, or follows them, then they are very disappointed, they believe there is no point in believing in God, no value to it, and they say to themselves, ‘Is such faith in god a failure? Is it hopeless?’ They often deliberate such things in their hearts, they deliberate how they can carve a place out for themselves in the house of God, how they can have a lofty reputation in the church, so that people listen when they talk, and support them when they act, and follow them wherever they go; so that they have the final say in the church, and fame, gain, and status—they really focus on such things in their hearts. These are what such people pursue” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). God’s words fully expose the true state and condition of antichrists pursuing reputation and status. I saw that, like an antichrist, I had placed great value on reputation and status, always wanting to occupy a position among others, always wanting to be valued and admired by others, hoping that people would care about and listen to what I said, feeling that only in this way could I have a sense of presence and could my life have value. I felt that if I didn’t have status and couldn’t gain others’ admiration and value, then everything I did was meaningless. Though I seemed to believe in God and do my duty, in reality, I wasn’t doing these things to pursue the truth, nor to satisfy God or consider God’s intentions. I treated my duty as a tool to gain status, and I only thought about whether I had a position among others, and whether I could be admired and valued by others. I never considered what God’s requirements or expectations were for me in this duty, or how I should satisfy God. When I didn’t receive others’ admiration in my duty, I even became negative, negligent, and filled with complaints. I realized that my views on pursuit were the same as those of an antichrist, and that I valued reputation and status above all else. The church had given me the opportunity to do my duty in the hope that I would pursue the truth in my duty and cast off my corrupt disposition to attain God’s salvation. But I didn’t know good from bad, and after doing a little work and gaining some capital, I wanted to take the lead in the group and be admired, and when my desire for status wasn’t fulfilled, I didn’t even want to do my duty anymore. I even used my duty to vent my frustration, I didn’t want to address the issues in the group, and I didn’t consider the interests of the church at all. Was I not blatantly opposing God? From beginning to end, I’d been using my duty to satisfy my ambition and desire to be admired by others. In what way did I have any humanity or reason? Antichrists don’t pursue the truth and they don’t have a God-fearing heart in the slightest. They only protect their personal reputation and status, not the work of the church, and they have no humanity. How was my behavior any different from that of an antichrist? When I thought about this, I became somewhat fearful, and I felt that my state was really dangerous.

Later, I reflected on my constant desire to be promoted, asking myself, “What exactly are the church’s principles for promoting and cultivating people?” One day, during a gathering, I read a passage of God’s words: “What are the required standards for supervisors of the various items of work? There are three main ones. First, they must have the ability to comprehend the truth. Only those who can comprehend the truth purely without distortion and draw inferences are people of good caliber. People of good caliber must at the very least have spiritual understanding and be able to eat and drink the words of God independently. In the process of eating and drinking God’s words, they must be able to independently accept the judgment, chastisement, and pruning of God’s words, and seek the truth in order to resolve their own notions and imaginings and the adulteration of their own will, as well as their corrupt dispositions—if they reach this standard it means they know how to experience the work of God, and this is a manifestation of good caliber. Secondly, they must carry a burden for the church’s work. People who truly carry a burden don’t just have enthusiasm, they have true life experience, understand some truths, and they can see through some problems. They see that in the church’s work and God’s chosen people there are many difficulties and problems that need to be resolved. They see this with their eyes and worry about it in their hearts—this is what it means to carry a burden for the church’s work. If someone is merely of good caliber and capable of comprehending the truth, but they are lazy, covet the comforts of the flesh, aren’t willing to do real work, and only do a bit of work when the Above issues them a deadline for its completion, when they can’t get away with not doing it, then this is a person who carries no burden. People who carry no burden are people who do not pursue the truth, people with no sense of justice, and good-for-nothings who spend all day stuffing their faces, without giving serious thought to anything. Thirdly, they must possess work capability. What does ‘work capability’ mean? Simply put, it means that not only can they assign work and give people instructions, but they can also identify and solve problems—this is what it means to possess work capability. In addition, they also need organizational skills. People with organizational skills are particularly adept at bringing people together, organizing and arranging work, and solving problems, and when arranging work and solving problems, they can thoroughly convince people and make them obey—this is what it means to have organizational skills. Those who truly have work capability can carry out specific jobs arranged by God’s house, and can do so swiftly and decisively without any sloppiness, and moreover they can do the various jobs well. These are the three standards of God’s house for cultivating leaders and workers. If someone meets these three standards, they are a rare, talented individual and should be promoted, cultivated, and trained straight away, and after practicing for a period of time, they can then take on the work” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (5)). From God’s words, I saw that, in God’s house, the promotion and cultivation of people isn’t based on who’s been doing their duties the longest or who has suffered the most, nor is it based on who has the closest relationship with the leaders. The most important factors are whether a person pursues the truth, how they treat their duties, and whether they can consider God’s intentions and do actual work. Looking back at myself in light of God’s requirements, I saw that I didn’t put effort into pursuing the truth, and that my days were spent with my heart filled with the pursuit of status. When I didn’t gain status, I lived in negativity, and my life hadn’t progressed for a long time. Just this one point showed that I wasn’t meeting the criteria to be promoted. Also, though I seemed busy with my duties, in reality, I didn’t have a true sense of burden, and I was only focused on doing work for the sake of appearances, and when problems or difficulties arose, I didn’t focus on seeking truth principles, nor did I often focus on summarizing and reflecting on these things. Many times, I’d only ever do things when prodded, and only when the leader pointed out my issues and fellowshipped principles with me, was I able to solve problems and correct deviations. Also, whenever work became busy, I had a tendency to become flustered and was unable to distinguish between what was urgent and what wasn’t. Looking at this, I saw I had so many shortcomings, and that the church not promoting me was entirely evaluating me based on principles. I didn’t recognize my true stature at all, and I really lacked self-awareness. In reality, even if I were made a group leader, though it would bring a sense of prestige, I would be completely unable to do the actual work of a group leader, and if that happened, I’d not only harm the brothers and sisters but also delay the work of the church. The two sisters who’d been promoted were more pragmatic in their duties, and they also focused on reflecting and summarizing the problems and deviations that arose in their work. During gatherings, I’d often hear them talk about the corruption they revealed while doing their duties and the areas in which they were lacking. They’d summarize and reflect on the reasons for their failures, and they’d talk about how they’d sought the truth to understand God’s intention and how they’d relied on God to resolve difficulties when they were faced with difficulties, negativity, and setbacks. I saw how they focused on reflecting on themselves from God’s words while doing their duties, and seeking God’s intentions. I also saw that they put effort into the principles, and although they hadn’t been doing their duties for long, they had the work and guidance of the Holy Spirit, and after some time, they’d made great progress. At this point, I understood that, faced with this revelation, God’s intention was to allow me to know myself, so I could correct my wrong views on pursuit in good time and focus on pursuing the truth, so I could progress and change. Realizing these things, I no longer had any misunderstandings or resistance, and I only wished to seek the truth and reflect on myself more through such a situation.

Later, I reflected again. I saw that this time, when I wasn’t promoted, I fell into negativity because I had a wrong perspective. I imagined the church’s promotion of people to be like the worldly promotion of officials, and I thought that being promoted meant having status, so when I wasn’t promoted, I became negative and weak, not wanting to do anything. Later, I read God’s words, and I understood a little more about the purpose and significance of the church’s promotion and cultivation of people. God says: “What are the requirements of God’s house for the various talented people who are promoted and cultivated? In order to be promoted and cultivated by God’s house, at the very least they must be people with conscience and reason, people who can accept the truth, people who loyally do their duty, and people who can submit to God’s orchestrations and arrangements, and at the very least they must be able to accept and submit when they face being pruned. The effect to be achieved by people undergoing cultivation and training by God’s house is not that they can become officials or bosses, or lead the pack, and it is not that they can counsel people on their way of thinking, and of course, much less is it that they have better professional skills or a higher level of education, or a greater reputation, or that they can be mentioned in the same breath as those renowned in the world for their professional skills or political exploits. Rather, the effect to be achieved is that they understand the truth and live out God’s words, and that they are people who fear God and shun evil. As they train, they are able to understand the truth and grasp the truth principles, and to know better exactly what faith in God is and how to follow God—this is extremely beneficial for those who pursue the truth to achieve perfection. This is the effect and standard that God’s house wishes to achieve in promoting and cultivating all kinds of talented people, and it is also the greatest harvest reaped by those who are promoted and used” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (5)). “Everyone is equal before the truth. Those who are promoted and cultivated are not very much better than others. Everyone has experienced God’s work for around the same time. Those who have not been promoted or cultivated should also pursue the truth while doing their duties. No one may deprive others of the right to pursue the truth. Some people are more eager in their pursuit of the truth and have some caliber, so they are promoted and cultivated. This is due to the needs of the work of God’s house. So why does God’s house have such principles for promoting and using people? Because there are differences in people’s caliber and character, and each person chooses a different path, this leads to different outcomes in people’s faith in God. Those who pursue the truth are saved and become people of the kingdom, while those who do not accept the truth at all, who are not loyal in doing their duty, are eliminated. God’s house cultivates and uses people based on whether they pursue the truth, and on whether they are loyal in doing their duty. Is there a distinction in the hierarchy of various people in God’s house? For the time being, there is no hierarchy in terms of various people’s positions, worth, status, or standing. At least during the period when God works to save and guide people, there is no difference between various people’s ranks, positions, worth, or status. The only things that are different are in the division of work and in the duty roles performed. Of course, during this period, some people, on exception, are promoted and cultivated to do some special jobs, while some people do not receive such opportunities due to various reasons such as problems with their caliber or family environment. But does God not save those who have not received such opportunities? This is not the case. Is their worth and position lower than others’? No. Everyone is equal before the truth, everyone has the opportunity to pursue and gain the truth, and God treats everyone fairly and reasonably. At what point are there noticeable distinctions in people’s positions, worth, and status? It is when people come to the end of their path, and God’s work is over, and a conclusion is finally formed on the attitudes and views that each person displayed in the process of pursuing salvation and while doing their duty, as well as on their various manifestations and attitudes toward God—that is, when there is a complete record in God’s notebook—at that time, because people’s outcomes and destinations will be different, there will also be distinctions in their worth, positions, and status. Only then can all these things be glimpsed and approximately ascertained, whereas now everyone is the same” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (5)). By reading God’s words, I understood that God’s house doesn’t promote and cultivate people like the nonbelieving world does, where people are made officials and make a name for themselves. God’s house promotes people to allow them to gain more chances to train. God hopes that in their duties, people can understand the truth, act according to principles, attain knowledge and submission to God, and come to know how to do their duties to satisfy God’s intentions. In God’s house, there is no difference in status regardless of the duties, and obtaining the truth is the most important thing. I thought about the many shortcomings that I’d revealed during my work of watering newcomers. Sometimes when newcomers put forward some notions or questions, I didn’t know how to resolve them, but by seeking the truth and pondering God’s words, I gained a clearer understanding of some truths, and I developed more love and patience toward my brothers and sisters. All of these were gains made in the course of watering newcomers. I thought again about how the brothers and sisters chose me to host gatherings. Although I wouldn’t gain others’ admiration in this, it would encourage me to ponder the truth more, to draw nearer to God, and to put effort into pursuing the truth. Reflecting on this, I felt deeply touched and regretful. I regretted not knowing what was good for me, lacking self-awareness, and not understanding God’s painstaking intentions at all. What touched me was that despite my being so rebellious and lacking in reason, God still used His words to enlighten and guide me to understand His intention so that I could stop walking down the wrong path. My heart was filled with gratitude toward God, and I resolved to no longer pursue fame, gain, or status. I was willing to repent.

Later, I began to focus on seeking the truth in my duties, and without realizing it, I gained some enlightenment and illumination, and came to understand certain principles, and I gained a path of practice. During gatherings, I was no longer focused on how to fellowship in a way that would make people think highly of me, but instead, I focused on pondering God’s words to understand His intentions, reflecting on myself through God’s words, and I was able to see my corrupt disposition and the wrong path I had taken more clearly. By practicing like this, I felt much closer to God. Later, a sister who hadn’t been doing her duty for long was promoted in the group, and although my heart was still somewhat disturbed, I was able to view this correctly and not be constrained by status, because I knew that I lacked too much in terms of the truth. What I needed wasn’t others’ admiration, but to understand more truth, to water my brothers and sisters well, and to fulfill my duties. I told myself, “Even if I never get promoted, I will still submit to God, stand in my proper place, pursue the truth in a steadfast manner, and do my duties well.” What I didn’t expect was that not long after, I was selected as the supervisor of the watering work. When this happened, I didn’t feel happy about gaining status, and instead saw this as a responsibility. I lacked a lot, and my corrupt disposition was still very severe, and I was worried that my old issues would resurface and that I’d let down God’s intention, so I often prayed to God, asking Him to guide and protect me. Later on, when doing my duties, I developed somewhat of a God-fearing heart, and I began to pay more attention to my duties and think more about them. My being able to have this understanding and change was all due to God’s words. Thank God!