By Sabrina, France

In July 2022, I was watering new believers in the church. Lucia was the watering deacon, responsible for my work. Ruthy, the church leader, had a favorable view of Lucia, often praising her in front of us for having good caliber and strong work capability, referring to her as the pillar of the church’s watering work. So I also held Lucia in high regard. But after interacting with Lucia for a period of time, I found that she didn’t seek truth principles in how she handled matters and made arbitrary personnel adjustments. Several times, the waterers she arranged didn’t align with the principles, and within less than a month, she replaced them. The frequent changes in waterers severely affected the work of watering new believers. Moreover, in her work, she only shouted slogans and engaged in superficial tasks, without addressing our actual difficulties. Whenever our watering results weren’t as good as those in other churches, she would get very angry, scolding us continuously like an adult reprimanding children. The brothers and sisters became increasingly constrained by her, not daring to speak when they saw her, feeling a strong sense of repression. Leader Ruthy was aware of Lucia’s behaviors, but never addressed her issues through fellowship.

In May 2023, during a gathering, the upper-level leaders fellowshipped with us the truth about discerning antichrists, false leaders, and evil people, and encouraged us to practice the truth, exposing any behaviors and manifestations of antichrists, false leaders, and evil people that we observed. After the gathering, Brother Jasper came to me and said, “Watering deacon Lucia is reckless in choosing and using people without following the principles and frequently reprimands the brothers and sisters. I’ve heard about the problems you’ve mentioned regarding her. Since you have more contact with Lucia and are more familiar with her behaviors, I suggest you report these issues. This is an act of justice.” Hearing Jasper’s words, I also felt that Lucia’s issues should be reported and agreed to submit a report letter that day. As I was about to write it, it suddenly occurred to me that Ruthy and Lucia directly supervised my work, and if I submitted the report letter, it would end up passing through their hands. Lucia was usually quite domineering and often accused me of being irresponsible in my duty and not focusing on getting results in my work. If she found out that I reported her, would she punish me, make life difficult for me, or would she even dismiss me or have me reassigned? These things made me very scared and conflicted, and I thought to myself, “I’d better just turn a blind eye. Causing trouble for them would just be causing trouble for myself. I don’t want to lose the opportunity to do my duties. It’s more important to protect myself.” Moreover, since there were a lot of things to deal with that day, I decided not to write the report letter, using my being busy as my excuse. The next day, Jasper sent a message asking if I had submitted the report. When I saw the message, I felt my face burning and felt deeply ashamed in my heart. I simply replied with the word “No.” Jasper didn’t say anything further.

In the following days, I felt very uneasy and was plagued by guilt. During my devotional, I read these words of God: “If you often have a sense of accusation in your life, if your heart can find no rest, if you are without peace or joy, and are often beset by worry and anxiety about all kinds of things, what does this demonstrate? Merely that you do not practice the truth, do not stand firm in your testimony to God. When you live amid the disposition of Satan, you are liable to often fail to practice the truth, to betray the truth, to be selfish and vile; you only uphold your image, your name and status, and your interests. Always living for yourself brings you great pain. You have so many selfish desires, entanglements, fetters, misgivings, and vexations that you do not have the least peace or joy. To live for the sake of corrupted flesh is to suffer excessively” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Life Entry Begins With the Performance of Duty). The exposure of God’s words made me clearly realize that my unease and guilt were caused by my safeguarding my own interests and protecting myself instead of practicing the truth. I was well aware that exposing and reporting false leaders, antichrists, and evil people is the responsibility of every one of God’s chosen people and an aspect of the truth that should be practiced. This is because the damage caused by antichrists and evil people to the church’s work is so great that anyone with any conscience and reason should report and expose them to protect the church’s work. Yet, even when I discovered the problems, I didn’t have the courage to report them, fearing that Ruthy and Lucia might suppress and retaliate against me after seeing my report. I preferred to be a people pleaser than to protect the church’s work, and I didn’t consider how to fulfill my duties and stand firm in my testimony. I was so selfish and despicable! Realizing this, I silently prayed to God, “Oh God, I am so selfish and despicable for not having the courage to write the report. I feel deeply guilty. Oh God, please give me the faith and courage to practice the truth.”

In the following days, I observed even more issues with Lucia. In a work report, she said that five newcomers didn’t thirst for the truth or attend gatherings regularly, and that she planned to stop watering and supporting them. But in reality, some of these newcomers were ill, some were busy with work, and others had actual family issues that needed resolving, which temporarily prevented them from attending gatherings regularly, and the newcomers themselves were also upset about this. Because the newcomers’ irregular attendance impacted the results of Lucia’s work, she simply gave up on these newcomers who needed watering and support. We felt that this clearly violated principles and was irresponsible, so we revised the part of Lucia’s report that was not factual. When Lucia saw the changes, she was furious and she grilled us on why we made them. After I explained why, Lucia became even angrier and scolded me, “Why are you trying to act like a hero? Everyone knows the principles, you’re the only one who doesn’t understand them. What watering work are you even doing?” I was completely confused. According to the principles, those five newcomers weren’t people who lacked a thirst for the truth; they were individuals who needed watering and support, and it was appropriate for us to correct content that didn’t align with the facts. So why was Lucia getting so angry and accusing me of trying to be a hero? I felt there was something wrong with her. She was the watering deacon, so if she acted without principles, it would affect the watering work, and the consequences could be dire. I thought about how I didn’t have the courage to write the report letter last time and about how I missed an opportunity to practice the truth, leaving me with a feeling of indebtedness. This time, I had to report her issues to the higher-ups. But a thought flashed through my mind, “If I go directly to Leader Ruthy to report Lucia’s issues, would she think I’m going out of my way to make things difficult for Lucia?” I remembered how, a year before, when Lucia first came to our church, Ruthy was very pleased, saying Lucia had good caliber and strong work capabilities, and that she was a pillar of the church. Moreover, Ruthy was well aware of Lucia’s acting without principles and her tendency to suppress and lecture others, but she had always turned a blind eye to Lucia’s issues. Given how highly Ruthy regarded Lucia, would she even take my report seriously? Would she cover up for Lucia and make things difficult for me, stopping me from doing my duties? With these things in mind, I became filled with worries, unsure whether I should bring up Lucia’s problems to Ruthy. I realized that I was once again trying to protect myself. So, that evening, I looked for relevant experiential testimony articles related to my state to read. One of them cited a passage of God’s words that really moved me. I read these words of God: “All of you say you are considerate of God’s burden and will defend the testimony of the church, but who among you has really been considerate of God’s burden? Ask yourself: Are you someone who has shown consideration for His burden? Can you practice righteousness for Him? Can you stand up and speak for Me? Can you steadfastly put the truth into practice? Are you bold enough to fight against all of Satan’s deeds? Would you be able to set your feelings aside and expose Satan for the sake of My truth? Can you allow My intentions to be satisfied in you? Have you offered up your heart in the most crucial of moments? Are you someone who follows My will? Ask yourself these questions, and think about them often” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Utterances of Christ in the Beginning, Chapter 13). God’s words of questioning filled me with deep shame and guilt. I clearly saw that Lucia wasn’t following the principles in her duty, often acting out of her corrupt dispositions and impetuousness to lecture brothers and sisters. I had some discernment about Lucia’s issues and wanted to report them to Ruthy, but I was worried that Lucia might retaliate and make things difficult for me, and feared that Ruthy might protect Lucia and suppress or sideline me. As a result, I protected myself and didn’t report the issues. During that period of time, my heart was always focused on protecting my own interests, without considering God’s burden, and I failed to safeguard the church’s work. At critical moments, I repeatedly shrank back, not practicing the truth or upholding the principles. As I pondered over God’s words, I understood His intention and had the path of practice. So, I mustered the courage to report Lucia’s issues to Ruthy.

The next day, Ruthy asked me and several other team leaders to write evaluations of Lucia. I wrote down all the issues I had observed in as much detail as possible, but I still had some concerns, as I was worried that Ruthy might protect Lucia and sideline or suppress me. So, I left myself some leeway by adding a line in the evaluation, “I haven’t completely seen clearly these issues, so I’m reporting them for everyone to evaluate together.” I had thought that once Ruthy gathered the evaluations of Lucia, she would dismiss Lucia, but days passed with nothing happening. I started to feel anxious again, thinking, “Everyone has written their evaluations of Lucia, and even if she isn’t found to be deserving of dismissal, she should be exposed and have her problems pointed out so she can realize her issues. But there’s still been no sign of activity. Could it be that the leader thinks my evaluation is incorrect? Is she going to dismiss me?” A few days later, Lucia saw that the other waterers and I were still supporting the newcomers who weren’t attending gatherings regularly, and she became very upset, grilling us on why those who were not attending gatherings regularly were still in the church, accusing us of acting willfully. During a co-worker meeting, she rebuked us again over this issue, pressuring us to give up on these newcomers who weren’t attending gatherings regularly. I felt that Lucia’s problems were quite serious, but later, when I saw that not only was she not dismissed, but that she was even promoted to supervise an important item of work, I doubted whether I had reported incorrectly due to a lack of discernment. During that period of time, I felt very repressed and despondent, and I didn’t understand what God’s intention truly was in my encountering such a situation and how I should experience it. Especially since Lucia now held a higher position, if she were to truly find out that I had reported her issues, she might reassign or dismiss me at any time, or even clear me out of the church. Thinking about these things made me very worried and fearful, and I didn’t want to discern Lucia anymore.

One day in July, the upper leaders sent two brothers to me to inquire about Lucia’s situation. It was only then that I learned Brother Jasper had reported the information he had gathered to the upper leaders once he had found out that I hadn’t written the report letter. I shared all of Lucia’s behaviors with the two brothers. They were very surprised after hearing this and said, “Ruthy asked you all to write evaluations of Lucia, so why has nothing been done about it for almost a month?” Finally, the two brothers asked me, “Is it because you were afraid that you didn’t write the report letter?” Hearing the brothers’ question, I felt deeply ashamed and guilty. I realized how selfish and despicable I had been, always trying to protect myself. I felt so spineless. After reporting the situation and seeing that Lucia was not only not dismissed but also promoted, I didn’t have the courage to make any further reports. In reality, I was well aware that Lucia had problems, and that many of her viewpoints and practices did not align with the truth principles. She suppressed and scolded others for the sake of her own work effectiveness, reputation, and status, and she didn’t resolve actual problems. She even abandoned several newcomers who needed watering and support. When I corrected her issues, she even reprimanded me, accusing me of trying to be a hero. However, out of fear of her status and power and of being suppressed or punished, I found myself unable to adhere to the truth principles and didn’t have the courage to expose and report her. That night, I couldn’t sleep for a long time. I thought about how I’d been living in a state of repression, despondency, and internal conflict for the past month and a half. I’d seen problems but I’d been too afraid to speak up, and after finally reporting the issues, I’d feared suppression. This state had kept recurring. What exactly was the problem? I searched for God’s words related to my state. At that time, I read a passage of God’s words: “What is the attitude that people should have in terms of how to treat a leader or worker? If what a leader or worker does is right and in line with the truth, then you can obey them; if what they do is wrong and not in line with the truth, then you should not obey them and you can expose them, oppose them and raise a different opinion. If they are unable to do actual work or do evil deeds that cause a disturbance to church work, and are revealed to be a false leader, a false worker, or an antichrist, then you can discern, expose and report them. However, some of God’s chosen people do not understand the truth and are particularly cowardly; they fear being suppressed and tormented by false leaders and antichrists, so they don’t dare uphold principles. They say, ‘If the leader kicks me out, I’m finished; if he has everyone expose or forsake me, then I will no longer be able to believe in God. If I’m expelled from the church, then God will not want me and will not save me. And won’t my faith have been for nothing?’ Is such thinking not ridiculous? Do such people have true faith in God? Would a false leader or antichrist be representing God when they expel you? When a false leader or antichrist torments and expels you, this is the work of Satan, and has nothing to do with God; when people are cleared out or expelled from the church, this is only in line with God’s intentions when there is a joint decision between the church and all of God’s chosen people, and when the clearing out or expulsion is wholly in line with the work arrangements of God’s house and the truth principles of God’s words. How could being expelled by a false leader or antichrist mean you cannot be saved? This is the persecution of Satan and the antichrist, and does not mean that you will not be saved by God. Whether or not you can be saved depends on God. No human being is qualified to decide whether you can be saved by God. You must be clear about this. And to treat your expulsion by a false leader or antichrist as being expelled by God—is this not misinterpreting God? It is. And this is not only misinterpreting God, but also rebelling against God. It is also kind of blasphemous against God. And is misinterpreting God in this way not ignorant and foolish? When a false leader or antichrist expels you, why do you not seek the truth? Why don’t you seek out somebody who understands the truth in order to gain some discernment? And why do you not report this to the higher-ups? This proves that you do not believe that the truth reigns supreme in the house of God, it shows that you do not have true faith in God, that you are not someone who truly believes in God. If you trust in the almightiness of God, why do you fear the retaliation of a false leader or antichrist? Can they determine your fate? If you are capable of discernment, and detect that their actions are at odds with the truth, why not fellowship with God’s chosen people who understand the truth? You have a mouth, so why do you dare not speak up? Why are you so afraid of a false leader or antichrist? This proves that you are a coward, a good-for-nothing, a lackey of Satan” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Three: They Exclude and Attack Those Who Pursue the Truth). God’s words made me realize that during this period of time, my repeated vacillation and numerous worries and concerns about reporting Lucia were due to my incorrect attitude and viewpoint toward leaders and workers. I held leaders and workers in very high regard, believing that they had status and power, and that offending them would bring about trouble and likely lead to me losing my duties or even being cleared out of the church. In that case, I would lose the chance for salvation. So even though I clearly saw the problems with Lucia and wanted to report them, I was afraid of being given a hard time, being suppressed, or facing retaliation, so I always shrank back and didn’t dare to report. Even when reporting Lucia’s issues to Ruthy, I had some reservations, and I was also deceitful and spoke ambiguously, saying that I couldn’t see Lucia’s problems clearly, and that we should all evaluate them together. Especially after I reported Lucia’s issues, when I saw that she was not only not dismissed but was actually promoted, and that she was even somewhat targeting me, I became even more fearful. I decided to stop discerning and reporting her. This way, I could protect myself from being suppressed and keep my duties. It was through the exposure of God’s words that I realized how ignorant and foolish I’d been. I’d believed that being dismissed or suppressed by leaders and workers would mean losing the opportunity for salvation. This viewpoint is absolutely absurd! I lacked true faith in God and did not believe that God’s house is ruled by the truth. I believed in God but did not trust that my fate was in His hands, and I even thought that false leaders and antichrists could determine my destiny. I regarded false leaders and antichrists as even greater than God. This was indeed blasphemy against God!

Later, I talked with Jasper about Lucia, and we both felt that this situation was God’s arrangement to address our deficiencies, and that it contained God’s intention. Jasper shared a passage of God’s words with me: “When all kinds of evil people and disbelievers come out and play various roles as devils and Satans, going against work arrangements and doing something entirely different, lying and deceiving God’s house; when they disturb and disrupt God’s work, doing things that bring shame to the name of God and tarnish God’s house, the church, you do nothing but get angry when you see it, yet you can’t stand up to uphold justice, expose the evil people, uphold the church’s work, address and handle these evil people, and keep them from disturbing the church’s work and tarnishing God’s house, the church. By not doing these things, you have failed to bear witness. Some people say, ‘I don’t dare do these things, I’m afraid that if I handle too many people, I might anger them, and if they gang up on me to punish me and remove me from office, what will I do?’ Tell Me, are they cowardly and timid, do they not have the truth and cannot distinguish people or see through Satan’s disturbance, or are they disloyal in their performance of duty, just trying to protect themselves? What is the real issue here? Have you ever thought about this? If you are naturally timid, fragile, cowardly, and fearful; yet, after so many years of believing in God, based on an understanding of certain truths, you develop genuine faith in God, won’t you be able to overcome some of your human weakness, timidity, and fragility, and no longer be afraid of evil people? (Yes.) Then what is the root of your inability to handle and address evil people? Is it that your humanity is inherently cowardly, timid, and fearful? This is neither the root cause nor the essence of the problem. The essence of the problem is that people are not loyal to God; they protect themselves, their personal safety, their reputation, their status, and their way out. Their disloyalty is manifested in how they always protect themselves, retreating like a turtle into its shell whenever they face anything, and waiting until it passes before sticking their heads back out again. No matter what they meet with, they are always walking on eggshells, have a lot of anxiety, worry, and apprehension, and are unable to stand and defend the work of the church. What is the problem here? Isn’t it a lack of faith? You have no real faith in God, you do not believe that God is sovereign over all things, and you do not believe that your life, your everything is in God’s hands. You do not believe what God says, ‘Without God’s permission, Satan does not dare to move a single hair on your body.’ You rely on your own eyes and judge the facts, you judge things based on your own calculations, always protecting yourself. You do not believe that a person’s fate is in God’s hands; you are afraid of Satan, afraid of evil forces and evil people. Is this not a lack of genuine faith in God? (Yes.) Why is there no real faith in God? Is it because people’s experiences are too shallow and they cannot see through these things, or is it because they understand too little of the truth? What is the reason? Does it have something to do with people’s corrupt dispositions? Is it because people are too cunning? (Yes.) No matter how many things they experience, no matter how many facts are placed in front of them, they don’t believe that this is the work of God, or that a person’s fate is in God’s hands. This is one aspect. Another mortal issue is that people care too much about themselves. They are not willing to pay any price or make any sacrifice for God, for His work, for the interests of God’s house, for His name, or for His glory. They are not willing to do anything that involves even the slightest danger. People care too much about themselves! Because of their fear of death, of humiliation, of being trapped by evil people, and of falling into any kind of predicament, people go to great lengths to preserve their own flesh, striving not to let themselves enter any dangerous situations. … No matter what circumstances or matters you face, you approach them using these methods, tactics, and strategies, and you are unable to stand firm in your testimony to God. No matter the circumstances, you are unable to be a qualified leader or worker, unable to exhibit the qualities or actions of a steward, and unable to display full loyalty, thus losing your testimony. Regardless of how many matters you face, you are unable to rely on your faith in God to execute loyalty and your responsibility. Consequently, the final result is that you gain nothing. In every circumstance that God has orchestrated for you, and when you have battled against Satan, your choice has always been to withdraw and escape. You haven’t followed the trajectory God has indicated or set for you to experience. So, in the midst of this battle, you miss out on the truth, understanding, and experiences you should have gained” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth. How to Pursue the Truth (19)). God’s words deeply moved me. What God exposed was exactly my state. In particular, God exposed that when we see evil people doing evil, we dare not expose them, and fail to uphold the church’s work. This is not merely weakness or timidity; the essence of the problem is that one is not loyal to God. That’s why we constantly protect ourselves, considering our own future and safety. Additionally, God exposed that such people lack genuine faith in Him, not believing in God’s almightiness and sovereignty. They judge things based solely on what they see and their own calculations. When faced with evil forces, they run and hide, thinking that God might not be able to protect them and that He is less reliable than themselves, so they don’t have the courage to entrust themselves to God. People’s hearts are so full of calculations and deceit! Another aspect is that people care too much about themselves, and that they are unwilling to pay any price or make any sacrifice to safeguard the church’s work. Such people are utterly selfish and despicable. This is the fatal flaw within me. I pondered how God became incarnate twice to work on earth to save us, willingly enduring immense humiliation, making painstaking efforts, and giving everything. God never retreated or ceased His work of saving humanity because of suffering humiliation, slander, persecution, and tribulations. God has always given silently without any complaints. God hasn’t done all of these things for Himself, nor is it to gain anything from man, but to save us humans, who have been so deeply corrupted by Satan. God’s essence is so beautiful and selfless! I remembered how God had continually watered and supplied me with His words throughout my years of faith, and how He arranged many people, events, things and situations for me to experience, guiding and leading me to understand the truth, enter into reality, and learn to comport myself and act according to the truth principles. Now, with false leaders and evil people disrupting and disturbing the church’s work, it was precisely the time for me to step forward and safeguard the interests of God’s house. Yet, in order to protect myself, I had been hiding my thoughts from God and been deceitful with Him, and unwilling to forsake my own interests to practice the truth. I was truly too deceitful, too selfish, and base! I silently prayed to God and resolved that from now on, I would pursue becoming a person with a sense of justice who can practice the truth and safeguard the church’s work.

A few days later, the church dismissed Lucia as the supervisor, but still retained her position as a watering deacon. During the gathering, I found that Lucia had little knowledge of herself. She kept emphasizing that her dismissal was only due to a lack of work experience. I thought of her past behaviors, and felt she was no longer suitable for being the watering deacon and that the current arrangement was inappropriate. This time, I did not want to protect myself as I did last time. I was determined to step forward to report Lucia’s issues. So, I approached the two brothers who had previously asked me about Lucia and reported her situation to them. This time, in my report letter, I clearly stated my view: I believe Lucia is following the path of an antichrist and is unsuitable for being a leader or worker, and she should be dismissed. At the same time, I also reported how Leader Ruthy deliberately covered up for and protected Lucia. After practicing this way, I felt a sense of peace and assurance in my heart. Later, based on Lucia’s consistent behavior of acting recklessly in her duties, often lecturing people from on high, showing no acceptance of the truth at all, and even openly suppressing those who reported her—she was an evil person in essence and ended up isolated. Ruthy was also dismissed for failing to do actual work and for protecting an evil person.

Looking back, I saw I went through a lot in all this and that I’d been revealed a lot. I tasted the bitter fruit of protecting myself, and this was a major lesson for me. At the same time, I truly experienced God’s holy and righteous disposition and I truly saw that God likes honest people and detests deceitful people, and that God will determine each person’s outcome based on their actions and the path they choose. I am grateful to God for allowing me to make these gains!