By Yixin, China

In 2021, I became a gospel work supervisor. Because I had some experience in preaching the gospel before, and had had some results in it, I thought I would be pretty well suited for this duty. I saw some brothers and sisters just starting to train in preaching the gospel, so I guided and helped them. To my surprise, after I fellowshipped some relevant truths on some religious notions, the brothers and sisters started to praise me, saying that I spoke comprehensibly and clearly. I thought to myself, “I’ve barely said anything and you already feel you’ve gained so much. If I go on to share more with you, you’ll be even more impressed with me.” Later, the leader also asked me to talk about my experiences on how to preach the gospel, and even gave sermons on preaching the gospel I had written to the brothers and sisters for reference. This made me feel even more exceptional, and before I knew it, my ego had gotten away from me and I began to think that I really was better than the other brothers and sisters. Sometimes, to show the brothers and sisters that I knew more, I would go out of my way to ask difficult questions, and when they couldn’t answer, I would fellowship more, and in this way, they came to admire me even more.

Once, during a gathering, Zhang Jie said, “People from some denominations have a lot of notions, and I don’t know how to fellowship on them.” Another brother said, “Some religious people blindly believe in baseless rumors, and although we can refute some of them, we still can’t fellowship things clearly.” Seeing the brothers and sisters in difficulty, I thought to myself, “You really don’t understand anything. If there are notions, just fellowship on them, and if there are baseless rumors, just refute them. What’s so hard about that? Looks like I have to fellowship my gospel-preaching experiences with you to show you what’s what.” So I told them, “Facing difficulties in preaching the gospel is exactly what trains us. It not only compels us to equip ourselves with the truth, but also helps us learn to use the truth to resolve various religious notions. Furthermore, preaching the gospel requires us to have the will to suffer; how can we see God’s blessings if we don’t suffer? Just like one time when I was preaching the gospel, I learned in advance what notions the potential gospel recipients had, then sought and pondered the relevant words of God, and by actually suffering and paying a price, in just over a month, we converted hundreds of people. I truly saw that this was God’s blessing, and felt really happy. We were even having gatherings and fellowshipping with potential gospel recipients on New Year’s Day. Later, when those denominational leaders went around creating disturbances all over the place, we fellowshipped the truth, watered and supported the potential gospel recipients. When we met these denominational leaders, we weren’t afraid and debated with them, to the point where they eventually left with their tails between their legs, and the potential gospel recipients became even more certain of God’s work in the last days.” I saw that the brothers and sisters were all listening attentively with wide eyes, some even praised me, saying, “To convert so many people in one month, that’s incredible!” To make the brothers and sisters think even more highly of me and view me as truly exceptional, I began to show off again, saying, “Once, I even converted a mayor’s secretary. At first, I thought, he’s pretty high status, will he even listen to me? But when I preached to him, I found out that although he had high status, he lacked the truth, and he admired everything I had talked about. Later, he and dozens of his fellow church members accepted the gospel!” The brothers and sisters all looked at me with approval in their eyes, and some said, “You’re really something! You even managed to convert a mayor’s secretary! We could never do that; we’re so far behind you!” Some also said, “When will we be able to preach the gospel as well as you?” After a while, I noticed that some brothers and sisters were no longer afraid to preach the gospel, and that they even had the courage to preach to potential gospel recipients from various denominations. I felt really happy and had a great sense of achievement.

After that, whenever brothers and sisters encountered problems or difficulties in preaching the gospel, they would come to me and I would answer them one by one. Over time, the brothers and sisters developed a strong dependence on me. I remember one time, the brothers and sisters encountered a preacher from a denomination, but because they were afraid that they wouldn’t be able to adequately resolve the preacher’s many notions, they lost their nerve. A few of them even drove over just to find me and asked me to go with them. I thought to myself, “They drove all this way just to find me, it seems my status in their hearts is quite extraordinary. Is this a good thing or a bad thing?” I felt a bit uneasy, thinking, “Are they worshiping me and looking up to me? If this continues, won’t I be bringing all the brothers and sisters before myself? If that’s really the case, then that would offend God’s disposition!” But then I thought, “If I don’t lead the brothers and sisters in preaching the gospel, they won’t be able to do it themselves, so isn’t doing this beneficial to the gospel work?” When I thought like this, the unease in my heart quickly disappeared, so I went with the brothers and sisters to preach the gospel to this preacher. But to our surprise, after driving around and bustling about all day, we didn’t find the preacher at all. We’d put up so much manpower and so many resources and had nothing to show for it. During that time, the gospel work showed no obvious results, and I felt quite negative, worrying about what the brothers and sisters would think of me if this continued. Would they say that I just had the title of supervisor, but not the substance? But I didn’t know what the origin of the problem was, so I wanted to find someone to talk to, but then I thought, “I’m a supervisor; what will the brothers and sisters think of me if I fellowship my state with them? Wouldn’t they say I have no stature? If even I become negative, how can I follow up on their work? Forget it, I’d better not say anything, I’ll just pray to God and solve it myself.” So, I suppressed the repression in my heart, and put on a brave face in front of the brothers and sisters, keeping up the big talk around them.

One day, a sister said that she had met a potential gospel recipient, and asked me to go preach the gospel to them. Another sister also said that the potential gospel recipient she knew was willing to investigate God’s work of the last days, and asked when I could go to preach to them. I was very happy to hear this, thinking that if I could convert all these potential gospel recipients, the gospel work would show some improvement. But just as I was about to make the big push, the sister hosting me was suddenly arrested by the police, and I was almost caught as well. At that time, my only option was to hide at home and not go out to preach the gospel. At night, I lay in bed tossing and turning, unable to fall asleep, thinking to myself, “This situation has happened with God’s permission; have I offended God’s disposition in any way? Now that all the brothers and sisters look up to and admire me, have I really brought them before myself?” But before I had time to reflect, I was transferred to text-based duty. It wasn’t until one day when I read two documents on the expulsion of antichrists, and saw that many of their behaviors were very similar to mine, that I realized the seriousness of the problem. I quickly came before God in prayer, “God, these antichrists being expelled is a warning to me, I must reflect on myself properly. Please enlighten and guide me, so that I can truly know myself and make amends in time.” After praying, I looked for the words of God that expose how people exalt and bear witness to themselves.

Almighty God says: “How do people usually exalt and testify about themselves? How do they achieve the aim of making people think highly of them and worship them? They testify to how much work they have done, how much they have suffered, how much they have expended themselves, and what price they have paid. They exalt themselves by talking about their capital, which gives them a higher, firmer, more secure place in people’s minds, so that more people appreciate, think highly of, admire, and even worship, look up to, and follow them. To achieve this aim, people do many things that testify to God on the surface, but essentially exalt and testify about themselves. Is acting that way reasonable? They are beyond the purview of rationality and have no shame, that is, they unabashedly testify to what they have done for God and how much they have suffered for Him. They even flaunt their gifts, talents, experience, special skills, their clever techniques for worldly dealings, the means they use to toy with people, and so on. Their method of exalting and testifying about themselves is to flaunt themselves and belittle others. They also camouflage and package themselves, hiding their weaknesses, shortcomings, and deficiencies from people so that they only ever see their brilliance. They do not even dare to tell other people when they feel negative; they lack the courage to open up and fellowship with them, and when they do something wrong, they do their utmost to conceal it and cover it up. Never do they mention the harm they have caused to the work of the church in the course of doing their duty. When they have made some minor contribution or achieved some small success, however, they are quick to show it off. They cannot wait to let the whole world know how capable they are, how high their caliber is, how exceptional they are, and how much better they are than normal people. Is this not a way of exalting and testifying about themselves?” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Four: They Exalt and Testify About Themselves). “Another method an antichrist uses to mislead and control people is to constantly show themselves off and get everyone to learn about them, and get more people to know about their contributions to God’s house. For example, they might say, ‘I previously came up with some methods for spreading the gospel, and it has improved the effectiveness of spreading the gospel. Nowadays, some other churches are also adopting these methods.’ In reality, various churches have accumulated quite a bit of experience spreading the gospel, but the antichrist continuously brags about their right decisions and accomplishments, informing people about them, emphasizing them, and repeating them wherever they go until everybody knows. What’s their goal? To build up their own image and prestige, to garner praise, support, and admiration from more people, and to make people turn to them for everything. Does this not achieve the antichrist’s goal of misleading and controlling people? Most antichrists act in this way, taking on the roles of misleading, ensnaring, and controlling people. Regardless of the church, social group, or work setting, whenever an antichrist appears, most people unconsciously begin to worship and look up to them. Whenever they encounter difficulties where they feel confused and need someone to provide guidance, especially in critical situations when a decision has to be made, they will think of the gifted antichrist. They believe in their hearts, ‘If only they were here, it would be okay. Only they can provide the advice and suggestions to help us surmount this difficulty; they have the most ideas and solutions, their experiences are the richest, and their mind is the most agile.’ Isn’t the fact that these people can worship the antichrist to such a degree directly related to their usual way of showing off, performing, and parading themselves around? … Regardless, antichrists have a set of methods for controlling people, and they don’t hesitate to invest time and energy into managing their status and their image in people’s hearts, all with the ultimate goal of gaining control over them. What does an antichrist do before achieving this goal? What is their attitude toward status? It’s not a regular fondness or envy; it’s a long-term plan, a deliberate intent to obtain it. They attach particular importance to power and status and see status as a prerequisite for achieving the goal of misleading and controlling people. Once they attain status, enjoying all of its benefits is a matter of course. Therefore, an antichrist’s ability to mislead and control people is a result of diligent management. It’s absolutely not that they take the path by chance; everything they do is purposeful, premeditated, and carefully calculated. For antichrists, obtaining power and achieving their goal of controlling people is the prize—it is the outcome they most desire. Their pursuit of power and status is motivated, purposeful, intentional, and laboriously managed; that is, when they speak or act, they have a strong sense of purpose and intention, and their goal is especially defined” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Five: They Mislead, Draw In, Threaten, and Control People). God exposes that antichrists use various methods to exalt and testify themselves to make people worship and admire them and to achieve their goals of misleading and controlling people. When comparing this with my own behavior, I saw that it was the same as that of an antichrist. To establish my prestige and good image among brothers and sisters, and make them admire and look up to me, I also looked for every opportunity to flaunt my merits and capital in preaching the gospel. I wanted brothers and sisters to see how much I had suffered in preaching the gospel, how experienced and capable I was, and how much I had contributed to the church’s work. When gathering with brothers and sisters, to let them know how much I understood, I would ask difficult questions to test them, and when they couldn’t answer, I would fellowship with them to highlight my understanding of the truth and make them look up to me. When brothers and sisters encountered difficulties, I would show off how I suffered and paid a price, how many people I had converted in preaching the gospel, how I debated with the leaders of different denominations, and I would even boast about the important people I had converted. Through this, I wanted the brothers and sisters to feel that I had made significant contributions to the gospel work so they would worship me even more. I used my experience to instruct brothers and sisters on what to do, which resulted in them coming to me whenever they had a problem or difficulty. They would even travel long distances to seek me out to preach the gospel, insisting that I go with them, as if without me, no one could preach the gospel. If this continued, wouldn’t I be bringing people before myself? Wasn’t this exactly what antichrists do? No wonder the gospel work wasn’t yielding any results, I had long since been on the wrong path and going against God. Why would He bless or guide me? God had already come to loathe me! Yet even in this state, I still didn’t think to reflect on myself, and even when I felt negative and repressed, I didn’t have the courage to open up to brothers and sisters out of fear that it would ruin their good image of me. I kept forcing myself to pretend, showing only my good side and hiding my bad side. I was such a hypocrite! The more I thought about it, the more frightened I became. How had I come to walk the path of an antichrist without even realizing it? What kind of disposition had caused this? So, I came before God in prayer, asking Him to enlighten and guide me to understand my nature essence.

Later, I watched an experiential testimony video, and a passage of God’s words quoted in it gave me some insight into my corrupt nature. Almighty God says: “Since mankind’s corruption by Satan, people’s nature has begun to deteriorate, and they have gradually lost the reason possessed by normal people. They now no longer act as human beings in the position of man, but are filled with wild aspirations; they have surpassed the station of man—yet yearn, still, to go even higher. What does this ‘higher’ refer to? They wish to surpass God, to surpass the heavens, and to surpass all else. What is at the root of why people reveal such dispositions? When all is said and done, man’s nature is overly arrogant. … Once people have grown arrogant in nature and essence, they can often rebel against and resist God, not heed His words, generate notions about Him, do things that betray Him, and things that exalt and bear testimony to themselves. You say you are not arrogant, but suppose you were given a church and allowed to lead it; suppose that I did not prune you, and that no one in God’s family criticized or helped you: After leading it a while, you would bring people to your feet and make them obey you, even to the point of admiring and revering you. And why would you do that? This would be determined by your nature; it would be none other than a natural revelation. You do not have any need to learn this from others, nor is there any need for them to teach it to you. You do not need others to instruct you or compel you to do this; this kind of situation comes about naturally. Everything you do is about making people exalt you, praise you, worship you, obey you, and listen to you in all things. Allowing you to be a leader naturally brings about this situation, and it cannot be changed. And how does this situation come about? It is determined by man’s arrogant nature” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. An Arrogant Nature Is at the Root of Man’s Resistance to God). From God’s words, I saw that people are capable of exalting and bearing witness to themselves, doing things that resist God, and that this is driven by an arrogant nature. Reflecting on my actions and behavior, I saw that by relying on the little experience I had from preaching the gospel in the past, and knowing a bit more about the Bible than some brothers and sisters, I’d gained an over-inflated perception of my abilities and come to think I was something special, making me want to flaunt myself and show off. After getting some results in preaching the gospel and gaining a few people, I had become so arrogant that I had lost all sense of myself, bragging to everyone around me, wanting that everyone in the world would know about my achievements. How could I have been so arrogant and unreasonable? The truth is expressed by God, and though I may have had some light when I gathered and fellowshipped on God’s words with brothers and sisters, that light had been due to God’s enlightenment. Even if I had some experience in preaching the gospel, it was God who had arranged the circumstances for me to train and accumulate that experience beforehand. It hadn’t been because I had any special abilities or skills. Moreover, hadn’t my intellect and eloquence also been bestowed by God? But I took the results achieved through God’s work as my own achievements and went all over boasting about them, making people worship and look up to me. I was truly shameless and completely lacking in self-awareness! I thought about how God’s grace had allowed me to become a supervisor, and that this was so I could help brothers and sisters learn to fellowship the truth to resolve religious notions, and learn to bear witness to God’s work of the last days and bring more people who love the truth before God. But I had used my duty to exalt myself and show off, making people worship and look up to me, which seriously disrupted and disturbed the gospel work. My actions and behavior truly deserved to be cursed and punished by God! Those antichrists were expelled because they consistently exalted and testified to themselves, tried to build their own kingdoms, and severely offended God’s disposition, leading to their expulsion from the church. If I didn’t repent, I would meet the same end as those antichrists, for this was a road of no return, and one condemned and cursed by God. Realizing this, I became increasingly disgusted with myself and I came to hate myself.

Later, I read another passage of God’s words: “God’s identity, essence, and disposition are lofty and honorable, but He never shows off. God is humble and hidden, so people do not see what He has done, but as He works in such obscurity, humankind is unceasingly provided for, nourished, and guided—and this is all arranged by God. Is it not hiddenness and humility, that God never declares these things, never mentions them? God is humble precisely because He is able to do these things but never mentions or declares them, and does not argue about them with people. What right have you to speak of humility when you are incapable of such things? You didn’t do any of those things, yet insist on taking credit for them—this is called being shameless. Guiding mankind, God carries out such great work, and He presides over the entire universe. His authority and power are so vast, yet He has never said, ‘My power is extraordinary.’ He remains hidden among all things, presiding over everything, nourishing and providing for humankind, allowing all humankind to continue for generation after generation. Take the air and the sunshine, for example, or all the material things necessary for human existence on earth—they all flow forth without cease. That God provides for man is beyond question. If Satan did something good, would it keep it quiet, and remain an unsung hero? Never. It’s like how there are some antichrists in the church who previously undertook dangerous work, who forsook things and endured suffering, who may have even gone to prison; there are also some who once contributed to one aspect of the work of the house of God. They never forget these things, they think they deserve lifelong credit for them, they think these are their lifetime’s capital—which shows how small people are! People are truly small, and Satan is shameless” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Seven: They Are Wicked, Insidious, and Deceitful (Part Two)). After reading God’s words, I felt deeply ashamed. God incarnate humbly hides Himself among corrupt humans, silently carrying out the work of saving humanity, watering and supplying us with all the truths that we need, but God never declares it to humanity or takes credit for the things He does. But as for me, I am nothing, but after converting a few people by preaching the gospel, gaining a bit of experience in gospel work, and becoming able to parrot a few words and doctrines, I thought I was a big deal, and I wanted to treat these as the capital and achievements of a lifetime, boasting about them wherever I went, and wanting everyone in the world to know about them. I was truly unreasonable and shameless!

Later, I wondered, “How can I avoid exalting and bearing witness to myself?” During my devotionals, I read two passages of God’s words: “So, what way of acting is not exalting and testifying about oneself? If you show off and testify about yourself regarding a certain matter, you will achieve the result of making some people think highly of you and worship you. But if you lay yourself bare and share your self-knowledge regarding that same matter, the nature of this is different. Is this not true? Laying oneself bare to talk about one’s self-knowledge is something that ordinary humanity ought to possess. It is a positive thing. If you really know yourself and speak about your state accurately, genuinely, and precisely; if you speak about knowledge that is completely based on God’s words; if those who listen to you are edified and benefit from it; and if you testify to God’s work and glorify Him, that is testifying about God. If, through laying yourself bare, you talk a lot about your strengths, how you have suffered, and paid the price, and stood firm in your testimony, and as a result, people have a high opinion of you and worship you, then this is testifying about yourself. You need to be able to tell the difference between these two behaviors. For example, explaining how weak and negative you were when facing trials, and how, after praying and seeking the truth, you finally understood God’s intention, gained faith, and stood firm in your testimony, is to exalt and testify about God. It is absolutely not showing off and testifying about yourself. Therefore, whether you are showing off and testifying about yourself or not chiefly depends on whether you are talking about your real experiences, and whether you achieve the effect of testifying about God; it is also necessary to look at what your intentions and aims are when you speak of your experiential testimony. Doing so will make it easy to discern what sort of behavior you are engaging in” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Four: They Exalt and Testify About Themselves). “When bearing testimony for God, you should mainly talk about how God judges and chastises people, and what trials He uses to refine people and change their dispositions. You should also talk about how much corruption has been revealed in your experience, how much you have suffered, how many things you did to resist God, and how you were eventually conquered by God. Talk about how much real knowledge of God’s work you have, and how you should bear witness for God and repay Him for His love. You should put substance into this kind of language, while putting it in a simple manner. Do not talk about empty theories. Speak more down-to-earth; speak from the heart. This is how you should experience things. Do not equip yourselves with profound-seeming, empty theories in an effort to show off; doing so makes you appear quite arrogant and senseless. You should speak more about real things from your actual experience, and speak more from the heart; this is most beneficial to others, and most appropriate for them to see” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Pursuing the Truth Can One Achieve a Change in Disposition). From God’s words, I saw that to avoid exalting and testifying oneself, a person must open up more, reveal their true self to everyone, and honestly fellowship about the corruption and weaknesses they reveal, their understandings of themselves, and finally, how they practice the truth to resolve issues. They must fellowship all these things openly, and absolutely not cover anything up. Understanding this, I opened up to the brothers and sisters, saying, “When we were doing our duties together, I always exalted myself and showed off, talking about how many people I had gained by preaching the gospel, and what contributions I had made to the gospel work in the hopes that you would all worship and admire me. Now I see that I wasn’t really doing my duty at all; I was doing evil! The truth is expressed by God. I was only fellowshipping a bit of my understanding and comprehension, so what did I have to boast about? But I still made people look up to and admire me. I was obsessed with status and truly arrogant!” Hearing this, a sister said, “Yes, we really did look up to you.” A brother who had worked with me before also said, “A lot of people admired you during that time, and I felt like I was nothing.” I felt a bit upset and said, “I was such a hypocrite, only showing my good side, and in truth, when the work wasn’t yielding any results, I became quite negative, but I didn’t dare to say anything because I was afraid you would all look down on me.” We talked for a long time, and after talking, I felt a sense of liberation in my heart. Since then, whenever I interacted with the brothers and sisters, I started by focusing on examining my intentions and revelations, and whenever I wanted to show off, I quickly rebelled against it and corrected myself, consciously exalting God and bearing witness to Him. When I fellowshipped in gatherings, I no longer covered things up, and I revealed my true self for everyone to see. When brothers and sisters encountered problems, I focused on finding God’s words to fellowship, encouraging them to pray more to God and rely on Him. When I practiced in this way, the brothers and sisters benefited and were edified, and I felt peace and assurance in my heart.

Looking back now, if I hadn’t read the material about the antichrists being expelled, I wouldn’t have known to reflect and know myself. It was these circumstances arranged by God that halted my steps toward evil in time. In the future, I will practice exalting God and bearing witness to Him in all things, focus on pursuing the truth and reflecting on myself, and conscientiously stand in the position of a created being, doing my duty well.