By Lin Feng, China

In 2022, when I was a church leader, my arrogance, self-righteousness, and arbitrariness led me to want to have the final say in everything. This resulted in the brother I partnered with being constrained and disrupting the church’s work. The upper leader exposed and pruned me for my arrogance and self-righteousness, and for completely following the path of an antichrist, and they dismissed me. After being dismissed, I felt really despondent. I reflected on the fact that I had believed in God for over twenty years, that I had been dismissed for my arrogance and self-righteousness more than once, and that even now, I still hadn’t changed much. I felt that I had to be well-behaved in my duties from then on, and that I could no longer be so arrogant or repeat my old mistakes, otherwise, I’d never have another chance for salvation. Later, by reading God’s words and reflecting, I realized that I was indeed truly arrogant and self-righteous, and that I constantly constrained my brother while partnering with him, imposing my own wishes and ideas on him and wanting him to obey me. As a result, the work was delayed. I was pruned time and again and yet I never reflected. I was indeed following the path of an antichrist. I felt a deep hatred for myself, and I resolved to do my duties well in a steadfast manner moving forward.

Some time later, the leader arranged for me to organize materials for clearing people out, and they had me cooperate with Sister Li Xin. They asked me about how much I’d come to understand my arrogant and conceited disposition through this period of reflection, and they wanted me to do this duty on a trial period for a while to see how things went. Hearing the leader say this, I felt really pained, thinking, “Isn’t a trial period just temporary? I’ve done my duties time and again based on my arrogant disposition, and all I’ve done is disrupt and hinder the church’s work. If I repeat my old mistakes again, I might lose the opportunity to do my duties for good and my life of faith in God will be completely over. This time, I’ve got to seize this opportunity, be obedient, and do whatever is asked of me. I can’t be arrogant, self-righteous, and aggressive like before.” Later, while doing my duties, I noticed that Li Xin was constrained by family matters and had no sense of burden in her duties, and that some materials that needed organizing weren’t done in a timely manner, so I thought about pointing this out to Li Xin. But just as I was about to fellowship with her, the leader’s words surfaced in my mind again, and I remembered that I had been dismissed before for my arrogance, self-righteousness, and arbitrariness, and for wanting to have the final say in everything, which had constrained others and disrupted the church’s work. I was still in a trial period in this duty, and moreover, the leader hadn’t asked me to look into Li Xin’s work. If I pointed out her issues, would Li Xin think I was being too arrogant and overstepping my bounds? Would she think that after just a few days of being obedient, I was falling back into my old habits? With this in mind, I swallowed my words.

Later, the leader kept pointing out that the materials Li Xin had organized were incomplete, that a certain disbeliever’s material needed to be collected and organized again due to inaccurate previous assessments, and this delayed progress. I felt really guilty. If I had fellowshipped and pointed it out to Li Xin in a timely manner, this wouldn’t have occurred. In my guilt, I came across two passages of God’s words: “After many years of believing in God and experiencing numerous failures and setbacks, as well as God’s revelation and His pruning, under normal circumstances, people should reflect on and know themselves through the lessons of these failures, seeking the truth to solve problems, and finding the reasons for their failures and slips in God’s words, as well as the path of practice they should take. However, antichrists do not do this. After multiple slips and failures, they escalate their behavior, their doubts about God grow in number and become more severe, their scrutiny of God grows more intense, their suspicion of God grows deeper, and likewise, their hearts become filled with guardedness against God. Their guardedness is full of complaints, anger, defiance, and indignation, and they even gradually develop denial, judgment, and condemnation against God. Aren’t they in an increasing amount of danger?” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Excursus Five: Summarizing the Character of Antichrists and Their Disposition Essence (Part Two)). “Judging by the attitude of antichrists toward God, toward the environments and people, events, and things arranged by God, toward God’s revealing and disciplining of them, and so on, do they have the slightest intention to seek the truth? Do they have the slightest intention to submit to God? Do they have the slightest faith that all of this is not accidental but is rather under God’s sovereignty? Do they have this understanding and awareness? Obviously not. The root of their guardedness can be said to come from their doubts about God. The root of their suspicion of God can also be said to come from their doubts about God. The results produced by their scrutiny of God make them more suspicious of God, and at the same time more guarded against God. Judging by the various thoughts and viewpoints generated from antichrists’ thinking, as well as the various approaches and behaviors produced under the domination of these thoughts and viewpoints, these people are quite simply unreasonable; they cannot understand the truth, they cannot develop genuine faith in God, they cannot thoroughly believe and acknowledge the existence of God, and they cannot believe and acknowledge that God is sovereign over all creation, that He is sovereign over everything. All of this is due to their wicked disposition essence” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Excursus Five: Summarizing the Character of Antichrists and Their Disposition Essence (Part Two)). Confronted with the exposure of God’s words, I felt really judged. Wasn’t what God had exposed exactly my state? Ever since I’d been dismissed, I had been living in a state of being guarded and misunderstanding. I’d believed that I had been dismissed multiple times due to my arrogance, self-righteousness, and arbitrariness. I thought that I hadn’t changed much even after believing in God for over twenty years, still kept living according to my arrogant disposition, and that if I still didn’t experience real change, I would be revealed and eliminated for good, and would no longer have any opportunity to do my duties. When I heard the leader say I was allowed to do duty on a trial period, I was even more filled with suspicion and guardedness, and to avoid being revealed again and eliminated, I completely shut myself off, living every day in fear and caution. When I noticed that the sister I was cooperating with was doing her duties perfunctorily and without a sense of burden, I knew I should protect the church’s work by pointing out her issues, but I was afraid my sister would think I was arrogant and that after just a few days of starting my duties I was already falling back into bad habits, so I just turned a blind eye. This ended up harming the work. From God’s words, I saw that when antichrists are revealed after experiencing multiple failures and falls, they not only fail to reflect on themselves but also become even more guarded against God, fearing that even the slightest misstep will deprive them of their future and destiny. Because of this, they are constantly guarded against God. What difference was there between the disposition I was revealing and that of an antichrist? I reflected on how my arrogance, self-righteousness and rejection of the truth, had caused great harm to the church’s work. The leader’s reminders were for the sake of the church’s work, urging me to reflect more on my fatal flaws, so that I could learn from my failures and stop living according to my arrogant disposition. This was God’s love. But instead of accepting this from God, I felt suspicious and dubious. I saw that I was truly deceitful and wicked!

Later, I read another passage of God’s words: “Antichrists never obey the arrangements of God’s house, and they always closely link their duty, fame, gain, and status with their hope of gaining blessings and their future destination, as if once their reputation and status are lost, they have no hope of gaining blessings and rewards, and this feels like losing their lives to them. They think, ‘I have to be careful, I mustn’t be careless! God’s house, the brothers and sisters, the leaders and workers, and even god can’t be relied upon. I can’t trust any of them. The person you can rely on most and who is most worthy of trust is yourself. If you’re not making plans for yourself, then who is going to care about you? Who is going to consider your future? Who is going to consider whether or not you’re going to receive blessings? Therefore, I have to make careful plans and calculations for my own sake. I can’t make mistakes or be even slightly careless, otherwise, what will I do if somebody tries to take advantage of me?’ Therefore, they guard themselves against the leaders and workers of God’s house, fearing that somebody will discern or see through them, and that they’ll then be dismissed and their dream of blessings will be spoiled. They think they must maintain their reputation and status in order for them to have hope of gaining blessings. An antichrist sees being blessed as greater than the heavens, greater than life, more important than pursuing the truth, dispositional change, or personal salvation, and more important than doing their duty well, and being a created being that is up to standard. They think that being a created being that is up to standard, doing their duty well and being saved are all paltry things that are hardly worth mentioning or remarking on, while gaining blessings is the only thing in their entire life that can never be forgotten. In whatever they encounter, no matter how great or small, they relate it to being blessed, and are incredibly cautious and attentive, and they always leave a way out for themselves” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Twelve: They Want to Withdraw When They Have No Status or No Hope of Gaining Blessings). In light of God’s words, I saw that the disposition I’d revealed was the same as the antichrist disposition exposed by God. No matter what duty I did, I always tied it to receiving blessings, and I regarded receiving blessings as being as important as life itself. In every situation, I considered my own outcome and destination first. When I was dismissed and revealed, I didn’t come before God to reflect and understand myself, but instead, I became guarded against and misunderstood God, just considering my own future and destination. When doing my duties again, my thoughts became even more overwrought, and I complicated every situation in my head, fearing that a misstep would lead to my being revealed and to a bad outcome and destination for me. When I saw that Sister Li Xin was in negativity due to her bad state and that she was delaying her duties, I knew I should have been protecting the church’s work by pointing out issues to Li Xin and helping her do her job well, but I was worried Li Xin would think I was arrogant and self-righteous and hadn’t changed, so I neglected the church’s work. I was living by the satanic poison of “Every man for himself and the devil take the hindmost,” doing my duties only to gain blessings and benefits, and viewing my future and destination as more important than anything else. I didn’t consider God’s intentions or the church’s work at all. I was willing to do what was beneficial for me, but if something wasn’t beneficial for me, I ignored it, even if I saw it harmed the church’s work. I was truly selfish and despicable! I thought of Paul on the road to Damascus. After being struck down by the Lord Jesus with a great light, although he admitted that he was the chief persecutor of the Lord Jesus, he didn’t truly repent. He had not the slightest reflection or understanding of his nature essence in resisting God, and while on the surface, he worked hard and traveled far and wide to preach the gospel, his intention was to bargain with God for a crown and rewards. Weren’t my views on pursuit and the path I walked just like Paul’s? I was trying to use and deceive God. I saw just how devoid of humanity I was. I was like an opportunist and disbeliever infiltrating God’s house, and if I didn’t change my views on pursuit, not only would I not meet with God’s approval, but I would ultimately face His punishment.

Afterward, I came across a passage of God’s words: “At times, God uses a certain matter to reveal you or discipline you. Does this then mean that you have been eliminated? Does it mean your end has come? No. … In fact, in many cases, people’s concern stems from their own self-interest. Speaking generally, it is the fear that they will have no outcome. They’re always thinking, ‘What if God reveals me, eliminates me, and rejects me?’ This is your misinterpretation of God; these are only your one-sided conjectures. You have to figure out what God’s intention is. When He reveals people, it is not for the sake of eliminating them. People are revealed in order to expose their shortcomings, mistakes, and their nature essences, to make them know themselves and become capable of true repentance; for this reason, revealing people is in order to help their lives to grow. Without a pure understanding, people are apt to misinterpret God and become negative and weak. They may even give in to despair. In fact, being revealed by God doesn’t necessarily mean that you will be eliminated. It is to help you get to know your own corruption, and to make you repent. Oftentimes, because people are rebellious, and do not seek to find resolution in the truth when they reveal corruption, God must exercise discipline. And so, sometimes, He reveals people, exposing their ugliness and pitifulness, getting them to know themselves, which helps their life to grow. Revealing people has two different implications: For the evil people, being revealed means they are eliminated. For those who are able to accept the truth, it is a reminder and a warning; they are made to reflect on themselves, to see their true state, and to stop being wayward and reckless, because to carry on like this would be dangerous. Revealing people in this way is to remind them lest, in performing their duty, they grow muddleheaded and careless, fail to take things seriously, become satisfied with only a few results, and think they have performed their duty to an acceptable standard when, in fact, measured by God’s demands, they have fallen far short, and yet they are still complacent and believe themselves to be doing fine. In such circumstances, God will discipline, caution, and remind people. Sometimes, God reveals their ugliness—which is patently to serve as a reminder. At such times you should reflect on yourself: Performing your duty like this is inadequate, there is rebelliousness within you, there are too many negative elements, everything you do is perfunctory, and if you still do not repent, by rights you should be punished. Now and then, when God disciplines you, or reveals you, this does not necessarily mean you will be eliminated. This matter should be approached correctly. Even if you are eliminated, you should accept it and submit to it, and make haste to reflect and repent” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Practicing the Truth and Submitting to God Can One Achieve a Change in Disposition). After reading God’s words, I felt deeply ashamed and guilty. I had read these words of God many times before, often spoke of God’s righteous disposition, and said that God reveals people to save them, allowing them to better reflect and understand themselves, but when I was revealed and dismissed, I suspected that God wanted to eliminate me, and I didn’t see any trace of God’s love or salvation. Although I appeared to be doing my duties, my heart remained closed off to God. I reflected on my years of faith. I had been revealed and dismissed many times due to my arrogant nature, yet God hadn’t eliminated me because of my transgressions, but instead He had used the exposure and help of my brothers and sisters along with the enlightenment and guidance of His words to help me reflect, repent, and change. When I gained some understanding and change, God gave me another opportunity to do my duties. If God truly determines people’s outcomes based on the corruptions they reveal, I should have been punished long ago and wouldn’t have survived to this day. Just like this recent dismissal was entirely due to my failure to pursue the truth and my walking the path of an antichrist, which had seriously disrupted and obstructed the work. This had been handled with principles and fully revealed God’s righteousness. If I hadn’t been dismissed in time, given my arrogant disposition, I would have ended up committing many evils and faced God’s punishment. This kind of dismissal was indeed God’s salvation and protection, since without it, I would have never truly reflected or understood myself, nor would I have reflected on the wrong path I had taken. So I knelt down and prayed to God, “God, I don’t want to live in a state of guardedness and misunderstanding anymore, I am willing to repent and do my duties well, and I ask only that You guide and lead me.”

After my prayer, I read some of God’s words: “No matter what your personal thoughts and opinions are, if you blindly determine that they are correct and that they are the way that things should be done, that is arrogance and self-righteousness. If you have some ideas or opinions that you feel are correct, but you do not have complete faith in yourself, and you can confirm them through seeking and fellowship, that is what it means to not be self-righteous. Waiting to receive everyone’s support and approval before acting is the reasonable way of doing things” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Often Living Before God Can One Have a Normal Relationship With Him). “If you are sure that you have found a problem, and you understand in your heart that this problem ought to be solved, otherwise it will delay the work, yet you are not able to adhere to the principles, and you’re afraid of offending other people, what problem is at play? Why would you be afraid to adhere to the principles? This is an issue of a serious nature, and it touches on whether you love the truth and whether you have a sense of justice. You should give voice to your opinion, even if you do not know if it is correct. If you have an opinion or idea, you should say it, and let the others assess it. There will be benefits for you in doing so, and it will go some way toward solving the problem” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. What Is It, Exactly, on Which People Rely to Live?). After carefully pondering God’s words, I understood that constraining others and standing on rank based on the arrogant disposition is different from practicing the truth to protect the interests of God’s house. Arrogance and self-righteousness involve doing things without seeking the truth principles, always clinging to one’s own viewpoint and not accepting others’ suggestions, knowing full well that one’s actions don’t align with the truth, but still wanting others to listen to oneself, doing everything according to one’s own thoughts and opinions, without the slightest consideration for the interests of God’s house. This is arrogance, self-righteousness, and the intent to throw one’s weight around. For example, when I was a leader, I took the lead in everything. I’d never cooperate or discuss matters with others or allow them to intervene, I’d always want others to comply with my ideas and intentions, and I never accepted reasonable suggestions from my brothers and sisters. This was arrogance and self-righteousness. If I see someone doing something that violates principles and obstructs the church’s work, regardless of whether it is my responsibility or whether the person is someone I supervise, I should expose and help them. This is protecting the interests of God’s house and showing a sense of justice. This isn’t arrogance or self-righteousness. God looks at the intentions behind a person’s actions, and regardless of whether the leaders have made arrangements, as long as something involves the church’s work and the interests of God’s house, everyone has the responsibility to protect these things. Such a person is truly part of God’s house. Realizing this, I approached Li Xin to fellowship and point out her issues, and to understand what difficulties she was facing in her duties. Through our fellowship, her state improved somewhat. One time, I noticed that Li Xin had incorrectly classified some materials on clearing out a disbeliever, so I brought up relevant words of God and principles to fellowship with her. After our fellowship, she was able to grasp some principles. My understanding and change I’ve made are all due to the guidance and leadership of God’s words. Thank God!