66. Is Being Amiable a Principle of Conduct?
I remember when I was in first grade, our homeroom teacher was amiable and approachable and always had a kind look on her face. She never lost her temper with us or criticized us harshly. Sometimes she’d chat with us as if she weren’t our teacher. We all liked being around her and our parents praised her for being a good teacher. I really looked up to and admired her and wanted to be someone like her. Later in life, no matter who I interacted with, I almost never argued with anyone. Even if somebody hurt me and I was annoyed with them or hated them, I still chose to grit my teeth and greet them with a smile to get along with them peacefully. Because of this, my classmates liked to be around me and my relatives all said I was well-behaved and sensible. After believing in God, I still got along with my brothers and sisters in this way, speaking gently and doing my best not to hurt anyone’s pride. Even when I could see others had problems I’d always downplay things, which led to the others viewing me in a positive light and thus reinforced my belief that being this way was a good thing. It was only later, after going through a few things, and through the exposure of God’s word, that I understood that being amiable is not a principle by which to conduct oneself and I came to understand how to conduct myself with the likeness of a real person.
In January of 2022, I was supervising some of the church’s cleansing work. Li Yuan and Lin Xi had just started on this work, and they hadn’t grasped the principles, so I followed up on their work a little more. At that time, I found that they were quite perfunctory in their duty and some obvious problems were appearing. One time, I noticed that in the clearing materials they had organized, the behaviors of some people had only been summarized and details were lacking, with some cases lacking evidence and in need of further examples to confirm whether these people should be cleared out. If not clearly investigated and verified, a person could easily be wrongfully cleared out and expelled. This was a very serious problem. I saw just how careless the two of them were in organizing clearing materials and the more I thought about it, the angrier I got. So I said to my partnered sister Liu Jing, “Li Yuan and Lin Xi have just started working on this and they don’t seek advice on many of the things they don’t understand. They are so perfunctory in their duties. This time, I have to point out the problematic attitude they have toward their duty.” Liu Jing agreed with me. But when writing to the two of them, I hesitated, “When I was with them a few days ago their states seemed kind of negative, if I prune them and dissect the nature of their perfunctoriness in duties, will they become so negative that they quit? Will they say that I don’t understand their difficulties and that I’m being too demanding and harsh? Perhaps they’ll lose the good impression that they have of me.” To protect my own image, I only pointed out the deviations that they had caused and said nothing to expose their corrupt dispositions. I even couched this in a bunch of consolations and exhortations, such as encouraging them to view their shortcomings and deficiencies correctly and not live in negativity and misunderstanding. When Liu Jing read my letter, she said, “Weren’t you going to talk about the nature of the perfunctoriness in their duties? Why are you being so indirect? Do you think they’ll recognize their problem if you talk to them like this?” Hearing Liu Jing say this, I realized that beating around the bush in this way wasn’t going to get any results, but I was afraid of leaving a bad impression on them, so I found an excuse to skirt around the matter.
In February, I went to their group to discuss work. To avoid distancing myself from them, I told myself that I had to be gentle with them and careful with how I worded things, to not speak in an overly superior or harsh way. Seeing them joking around, I went along with them so that they’d see me as easygoing, approachable, and unpretentious, and able to get along with everyone. When I heard them say they hadn’t made any progress and were feeling kind of despondent, I told them that I had lacked a lot in the past too, and that it had taken me a long time to gradually come to grips with some principles. I said this to comfort and encourage them. After a while, we had really gotten on good terms and one sister told me that it felt nice to interact like this, without any pressure. Hearing her say this, I became even more certain that conducting myself in this way was correct. One time, a team member, Chen Xin, told me that despite having been involved in this work for quite some time, she was still making mistakes all the time, thought she hadn’t made any progress, and felt quite negative. I knew that Chen Xin’s lack of progress was because she was impatient for results and compared herself with others and because she didn’t focus on principles, but I was afraid that if I pointed out her problem directly, she might not take it well and form some kind of prejudice or negative view of me. So, I just encouraged her and said, “You’ve only just started out, and it’s normal for there to be some problems or deviations in your work. It’s just a matter of practice. You need to view yourself correctly, summarize the problems and deviations that occur and then learn the relevant principles in a targeted manner. This is how you’ll progress.” Because I didn’t point out Chen Xin’s problem, she didn’t recognize her corrupt disposition and continued comparing herself with others and feeling negative when she couldn’t measure up. Lin Xi was also being perfunctory in her duties, and numerous problems remained, impacting the progress of the work. I knew that Lin Xi was way scummy in her duties and that I should have pruned and exposed her, but I was afraid of her having a bad impression of me and that she’d no longer support or endorse me. So, I just skimmed over her issues in passing, suggesting that her lack of progress might be due to incorrect intentions in her duty. Because of how I downplayed things, Lin Xi took none of what I said to heart, didn’t amend the issue of her perfunctory attitude, and her work often had to be redone. Because I was only thinking of how to protect my relationships, I only ever talked about the issues I saw in a cursory manner, which didn’t yield any results and delayed work. But I didn’t reflect on or recognize myself.
In one gathering, we fellowshipped on God’s words which expose how antichrists win over people’s hearts. I happened to read a passage that applied directly to my state. I finally gained some knowledge of my behavior. Almighty God says: “When a church leader sees brothers or sisters doing their duties perfunctorily, they may not rebuke them, though they should. When they clearly see that the interests of God’s house are suffering, they do not concern themselves with this or make any inquiries, and they do not cause the least offense to others. In fact, they are not really showing consideration for people’s weaknesses; instead, their intention and goal is to win over people’s hearts. They are fully aware that: ‘As long as I do this and don’t cause offense to anyone, they’ll think I’m a good leader. They’ll have a good, high opinion of me. They’ll approve of me and like me.’ They don’t care how much damage is done to the interests of God’s house, or how great losses are caused to the life entry of God’s chosen people, or how greatly their church life is disturbed, they just persist in their satanic philosophy and cause no offense to anyone. There is never any self-reproach in their hearts. When they see someone causing disruptions and disturbances, at the very most they might have a few words with them about it, downplaying the issue, and then be done with it. They will not fellowship on the truth, or point out the essence of the problem to that person, less still will they dissect their state, and they will never fellowship what God’s intentions are. A false leader never exposes or dissects the errors people frequently make, or the corrupt dispositions people often reveal. They don’t solve any real problems, but instead always indulge people’s erroneous practices and revelations of corruption, and no matter how negative or weak people are, they do not take this seriously. They merely preach some words and doctrines and speak a few words of exhortation to deal with the situation in a perfunctory manner, trying to maintain harmony. As a result, God’s chosen people do not know how to reflect on and know themselves, there is no resolution for whatever corrupt dispositions they reveal, and they live amid words and doctrines, notions and imaginings, without any life entry. They even believe in their hearts, ‘Our leader has even more understanding for our weaknesses than God does. Our stature is too small to live up to God’s requirements. We just need to fulfill the requirements of our leader; by submitting to our leader, we are submitting to God. If a day comes when the Above dismisses our leader, we will make ourselves heard; to keep our leader and stop them from being dismissed, we will negotiate with the Above and force them into agreeing to our demands. This is how we will do right by our leader.’ When people have such thoughts in their hearts, when they have established such a relationship with their leader, and this kind of dependence, envy, and worship has arisen in their hearts toward their leader, they come to have ever greater faith in this leader, and always want to listen to the leader’s words, rather than seeking the truth in God’s words. Such a leader has almost taken the place of God in people’s hearts. If a leader is willing to maintain such a relationship with God’s chosen people, if they derive a feeling of enjoyment from this in their heart, and believe that God’s chosen people ought to treat them like this, then there is no difference between this leader and Paul, they have already set foot on the path of an antichrist, and God’s chosen people have already been misled by this antichrist, and are completely lacking in discernment” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item One: They Try to Win Over People’s Hearts). God exposes that antichrists always consider people’s flesh. They notice when brothers and sisters are perfunctory in their duty and delay church work, but they neither point this out nor prune them. Instead, they just indulge and accommodate people so that they can implant a good image of themselves in people’s hearts, essentially winning them over. I felt as if God was exposing my own behavior. In my duty, I was always trying to protect my image and status in people’s hearts. To make team members feel good about me, I usually behaved amiably, even paying particular attention to my tone of voice and attitude as I spoke. I was afraid that any misstep would leave people with a bad impression of me. I saw Chen Xin’s stagnant progress and poor state, and I knew this was because she was always chasing reputation and status, comparing herself with others, and not focusing on her professional skills, and it was clear to me that if she carried on like this, that not only would this impact her own life entry, but that the work would also be delayed. I should have fellowshipped with her and pointed these things out, but I was afraid of offending her, so I only ever comforted, encouraged, and exhorted her. Chen Xin was unable to recognize her own problems and lived in a negative state, her life entry was being hindered and she was making very little professional progress. I was also well aware that Lin Xi was being perfunctory in her duties and that I clearly needed to point out her issues and fellowship on their essence to help her reflect and understand matters, but I was afraid that pointing out her problems directly might cause her to view me negatively, so I just skimmed over them, which did nothing to resolve them. Realizing this, I finally understood that my conduct had been that of an antichrist trying to win over people’s hearts. To gain the approval and support of the group members, I had always accommodated them, and I’d avoided pointing out problems or fellowshipping to resolve them. Not only had I delayed the life entry of my brothers and sisters, but I had also delayed the work of the church. I had been so selfish and despicable!
Later on, I opened up to the team members about how I had been trying to win people over. One of them said, “Last time, when our work had some deviations, you didn’t prune us, and just sent us a letter of encouragement and exhortation instead. One sister even said, ‘Look, she’s trying to comfort us again.’” I felt even guiltier when I heard him say this. When the church clears a person out, they must be seriously evaluated in accordance with the truth principles. There is no room whatsoever for negligence or perfunctoriness. If we don’t take it seriously or evaluate matters according to principles, it could easily lead to false charges and harm brothers and sisters. It had been clear to me that they were being perfunctory in their duties, and nearly disturbing the work of the church, but because I was scared of offending them, I didn’t provide guidance or assistance, and completely ignored whether the work of the church was being impacted. My behavior was in resistance to God! This realization scared me, and I wanted to make amends as soon as possible.
Later on, I read a passage of God’s word: “When you interact with others, you must first have them perceive your true heart and sincerity. If, in speaking and working together and making contact with others, someone’s words are perfunctory, grandiloquent, pleasantries, flattery, irresponsible, and imaginary, or if they simply speak to seek the other’s favor, then their words lack all credibility, and they are not sincere in the least. This is their mode of interaction with others, no matter who those others are. Such a person does not have an honest heart. This is not an honest person. Say someone is in a negative state, and they say to you sincerely: ‘Tell me why, exactly, I’m so negative. I just can’t figure it out!’ And suppose you do, in fact, understand their problem in your heart, but you do not tell them, instead saying: ‘It’s nothing. You’re not being negative; I get that way, too.’ These words are a great consolation to that person, but your attitude is not sincere. You are being perfunctory with them; so as to make them feel more comfortable and consoled, you have refrained from speaking honestly with them. You are not helping them in earnest and putting their problem plainly, so that they can leave their negativity behind. You have not done what an honest person should. All for the sake of trying to console them and make sure there is no estrangement or conflict between you, you have been perfunctory with them—and this is not what it is to be an honest person. So, to be an honest person, what should you do when encountering this kind of situation? You need to tell them what you have seen and identified: ‘I will tell you what I have seen and what I have experienced. You decide whether what I say is right or wrong. If it’s wrong, you don’t have to accept it. If it’s right, I hope you will. If I say something that is hard for you to hear and hurts you, I hope you can accept it from God. My intention and purpose is to help you. I see the issue clearly: Because you feel that you have been humiliated, and no one feeds your ego, and you think everyone else looks down on you, that you are being attacked, and that you have never been so wronged, you can’t accept it and become negative. What do you think—is this what’s really going on?’ And, hearing this, they feel it is indeed the case. This is what is actually in your heart, but if you are not an honest person, you will not say it. You will say, ‘I often get negative, too,’ and when the other person hears that everyone gets negative, they think it is normal for them to be negative, and, in the end, they do not leave their negativity behind. If you are an honest person and you help them with an honest attitude and an honest heart, you can help them understand the truth and leave their negativity behind” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only an Honest Person Can Live Out True Human Likeness). Reading God’s word gave me a path of practice. When interacting with one another, we must be frank and sincere. We must be able to speak honestly when we see others’ problems, so they can recognize these problems of theirs. Treating people this way benefits their life entry. I saw that Lin Xi was being perfunctory in her duty, and yet I continued offering her insincere words of comfort and exhortation to gain her favor. This was harming her and a deceitful thing to do. Though pointing out her problem directly may have embarrassed her for a moment, it would have helped her to reflect and also protected the work of the church. Realizing this, I went to Lin Xi and fellowshipped with her using some of God’s words that expose the essence and consequences of people being perfunctory. Lin Xi acknowledged just how scummy she had been, that she had been careless and not conscientious in her duties. Later on, I saw Lin Xi consciously trying to turn things around. She was more conscientious and responsible in her duties than before and she was making clear progress. Seeing this outcome made me feel so ashamed. I had always maintained an image of affability in people’s eyes, only ever providing them with half-hearted platitudes, and did nothing to benefit them. Had I pointed out Lin Xi’s problems earlier, she would have been able to turn things around sooner, and it would have benefited the progress of the work. I later found out that Chen Xin was in a bad state, that she felt she was lacking in caliber and work abilities, and that she was inferior to her groupmates. She was also under the impression that I was looking down on her, so she was living in negativity and wanted to resign. I came to her and opened up in fellowship. I told her that she placed too much importance on reputation and status, and made use of God’s word to fellowship with her on the essence and consequences of pursuing reputation and status and giving up her duty. After our fellowship, Chen Xin gained some understanding of herself, and her state improved somewhat. I felt so happy, and understood that if one acts and conducts themselves according to God’s word, their heart will be at peace, and they can have normal relations with others.
Later on, I read more of God’s word and began to understand the true essence behind traditional cultural practices of affability and approachability. Almighty God says: “The essence behind good behavior such as being approachable and amiable can be described in one word: pretense. Such good behavior is not born of the words of God, nor as a result of practicing the truth or acting according to principle. What is it produced by? It comes from people’s motives, schemes, from them pretending, putting on an act, being deceitful” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (3)). “As a group, all statements about good behavior are merely a way to put a bow on man’s external behavior and image. ‘Put a bow on’ is phrasing it nicely; to put it more precisely, it is, in fact, a form of disguise, a way to use a false front to trick others into good feelings about oneself, to trick them into positive evaluations of oneself, to trick them into respect for oneself, whereas the dark side of one’s heart, one’s corrupt dispositions, and one’s true face are all hidden and wrapped up nicely. We may also put it like this: What is hidden beneath the halo of these good behaviors are the corrupt true faces of each and every member of corrupt humanity. What is hidden is each and every member of evil humanity with an arrogant disposition, a deceitful disposition, a vicious disposition, and a disposition of being averse to the truth. It does not matter if a person’s outward behavior is well-educated and sensible, or gentle and refined, nor whether they are amiable, approachable, respectful of the old and caring for the young, or any such thing—whichever of these they evince, it is no more than an external behavior that others can see. It cannot lead them through good behavior to knowledge of their nature essence. Though man looks well on the outward behaviors of being well-educated and sensible, gentle and refined, approachable, and amiable, such that the whole human world is well disposed toward them, what cannot be denied is that man’s corrupt dispositions really exist beneath the cover of these good behaviors. Man’s being averse to the truth, his resistance and rebelliousness against God, his nature essence of being averse to the words spoken by the Creator, and of resisting the Creator—these truly do exist there. There’s nothing false about that. No matter how well someone fakes it, no matter how presentable or becoming their behaviors, how nicely or beautifully they package themselves, or how deceptive they are, what cannot be denied is that each and every corrupt person is filled with satanic disposition. Under the mask of these outward behaviors, they still resist and rebel against God, resist and rebel against the Creator. Of course, with these good behaviors as its cloak and its cover, mankind pours forth corrupt dispositions every day, every hour and moment, every minute and second, in every affair, during which they live amid corrupt dispositions and sin. This is an uncontested fact. Despite man’s presentable behaviors, pleasing words, and false exteriors, his corrupt disposition has not abated in the least, nor has it been changed at all due to those outward behaviors of his. On the contrary, it is because he has the cover of these outward good behaviors that his corrupt disposition pours constantly forth, and he never stops his steps toward doing evil and resisting God—and of course, governed by his vicious and wicked dispositions, his ambitions, desires, and extravagant requirements are constantly expanding and developing” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (3)). In the past, I always thought being amiable and approachable were in line with normal human morals, that most people liked and approved of this behavior, and that these were positive things. As a child, I had seen my teacher being praised for her amiability and I always tried to be this kind of person. When I gained the approval and endorsement of those around me for being this way, it only reinforced this idea that I should behave amiably. This functioned as my own principle of conduct that was not only approved by God but liked by other people. Now, through the exposure of God’s word, I understood that the essence behind being amiable and approachable is in fact a type of disguise, and that it’s really a ruse to gain people’s admiration and approval. It’s deceptive. Thinking back to when I was a child, I had thought people should be amiable and approachable to each other, and so influenced by this idea, I never argued with others. Even if they hurt me, and I was angry and hated them inwardly, I would never let it show and always greet people with a smile. Actually, I made these compromises just to gain people’s approval. I was a hypocrite and living a lie. I still interacted with people like this after believing in God. In everything I said and did, I was always thinking about others’ feelings and scared of offending them. I was afraid that they wouldn’t have a good impression of me if I spoke honestly, so even if I saw somebody’s problem, I didn’t dare speak the truth or point it out. The church arranged for me to supervise this group’s work, but I didn’t play any real role. I always wanted to protect my image and status in others’ eyes and gave no regard to the church’s work. How could I be considered a good person? At this point, I saw that though I appeared amiable, loving, and considerate, inwardly, I was actually scheming. I had wanted to use this trick to gain others’ admiration. I was such a slippery and deceitful person. I used to believe that amiable people were good, that they had good relationships with others, that they were liked, and that God approved of them. But now I saw that amiable people are just good at disguising themselves and that being amiable is not a principle of conduct. Living by this traditional cultural idea only makes people more selfish, despicable, slippery and deceitful, and that doing so runs counter to the truth, is an act of evil, and resists God!
Later on, I read another two passages of God’s word, and I came to understand what good humanity is and learned of principles of conduct. Almighty God says: “There must be a standard for having good humanity. It does not involve taking the path of moderation, not sticking to principles, endeavoring not to offend anyone, currying favor everywhere you go, being smooth and slick with everyone you meet, and making everyone speak well of you. This is not the standard. So, what is the standard? It is being able to submit to God and the truth. It is approaching one’s duty and all manner of people, events, and things with principles and a sense of responsibility. This is plain for all to see; everyone is clear about this in their heart” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. In Giving One’s Heart to God, One Can Obtain the Truth). “What people should strive to achieve most is to make the words of God their basis, and the truth their criterion; only then can they live in the light and live out the likeness of a normal person. If you wish to live in the light, you should act according to the truth; you should be an honest person who says honest words and does honest things. What is fundamental is to have the truth principles in one’s comportment; once people lose the truth principles, and focus only on good behavior, this inevitably gives rise to fakery and pretense. If there is no principle to people’s comportment, then no matter how good their behavior is, they are hypocrites; they may be able to mislead others for a time, but they will never be trustworthy. Only when people act and comport themselves according to God’s words do they have a true foundation. If they do not comport themselves according to God’s words, and only focus on pretending to behave well, can they become good people as a result? Absolutely not. Good doctrines and behavior cannot change man’s corrupt dispositions, and they cannot change his essence. Only the truth and the words of God can change people’s corrupt dispositions, thoughts, and opinions, and become their life. … So, what are the requirements and standards God has for people’s speech and actions? (That they be constructive to people.) That is right. Most fundamentally, you must tell the truth, speak honestly, and benefit others. At the very least, your speech must edify people, and not trick, mislead, make fun of, satirize, deride, mock, constrict them, expose their weaknesses, or hurt them. This is the expression of normal humanity. It is humanity’s virtue. Has God told you how loudly to speak? Has He required that you use standard language? Has He required that you make use of flowery rhetoric or a lofty, refined linguistic style? (No.) There’s not a bit of any of those superficial, hypocritical, false, nugatory things. All God’s requirements are things of which normal humanity should be possessed, standards and principles for man’s language and behavior. It doesn’t matter where someone was born or what language they speak. In any case, the words you say—their verbiage and content—must be edifying to others. What does it mean, for them to be edifying? It means that others, having heard them, feel them to be true, and derive enrichment and help from them, and can understand the truth, and are no longer confused, nor susceptible to the misleading of others. So, God demands that people tell the truth, say what they think, and not trick, mislead, make fun of, satirize, deride, mock, or constrict others, or expose their weaknesses, or hurt them. Are these not the principles of speech? What does it mean to say one should not expose people’s weaknesses? It means not to get dirt on other people. Do not hold on to their past mistakes or shortcomings in order to judge or condemn them. This is the least you should do. On the proactive side, how is constructive speech expressed? It is mainly encouraging, orienting, guiding, exhorting, understanding, and comforting. Also, in some special instances, it becomes necessary to directly expose other people’s errors and prune them, so that they gain knowledge of the truth and desire to repent. Only then is the due effect achieved. This way of practicing is of great benefit to people. It is a real help to them, and it is constructive for them, is it not?” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (3)). God’s word made me understand the standard for measuring whether a person’s humanity is good or bad. Truly good humanity is not a matter of walking the middle way, avoiding offending people, maintaining harmonious relations, or getting along with everyone, nor is it a matter of being amiable or approachable toward people. These are just outward behaviors, and no matter how well they are performed, God does not approve of them. Only by interacting with people based on God’s word adheres to principles. Only by approaching other people and one’s duty with sincerity, being responsible, practicing the truth, and being an honest person can one be considered a person with truly good humanity. I used to always think that if I pointed out and exposed people’s problems, I would offend people and my brothers and sisters would form a negative view of me, so when I spoke, I always considered how to make what I said easier to accept and how not to hurt people’s feelings. I didn’t think at all about whether doing this would be effective. Actually, interacting with people in this gentle way doesn’t offend people and allows for your good image to be preserved, but it is of no benefit at all to other people or to the work of the church. In helping someone, you should at least bring benefit to them and be able to clearly point out their problems when you identify them. Even if this sometimes involves a critical tone that the other person may find difficult to accept initially, it can prompt them to reflect on themselves and make amends. I thought about how God’s salvation work isn’t comprised of just one method. God not only offers people comfort and exhortation, He also judges, chastises, and prunes people. This is a better method to save people. If I see somebody living with a corrupt disposition and just keep comforting and exhorting them, this is of no benefit to them, and it will be hard for them to recognize their corrupt disposition. I realized that helping people also requires principles, and must be based on that person’s stature and unique background and situation. If a brother or sister has just started practicing and lacks professional skills, they should be helped more, but if they are relying on a corrupt disposition to do their duties and have already impacted the church’s work, then they need to be corrected, exposed, and pruned. This is the fulfillment of responsibility and is beneficial to them. Understanding these things, I told myself that I could no longer interact with others according to traditional culture, and that I had to practice according to God’s word and requirements.
One day, I was inspecting the clearing materials the other two sisters had put together and I noticed that the examples lacked detail and needed to be supplemented and improved. These two sisters had been doing this work for quite some time, and if they had been more conscientious during inspection, these deviations shouldn’t have occurred. It was clear that there was an issue in their attitudes toward their duty. I thought about how I had been afraid of offending people and wanted to preserve my relations with others, not daring to point out people’s issues. This was not only of no benefit to people, but it also damaged the work of the church. I had to learn a lesson this time, practice the truth, and act according to principles, so I exposed their attitudes toward their duties and the essence and consequences of doing their duties in this way. One of the sisters later told me that although she could not accept being pruned at first, and felt that I had been too harsh, by reflecting on herself according to God’s word, she gained some understanding of her problems, and also understood the importance of doing her duty in accordance with principles. She said that she had gained something from this experience of being pruned. These facts have shown me that for those who pursue the truth, being pruned can help them recognize their problems, do their duties more attentively, and reduce the number of deviations in their work. I have come to realize that only by acting and conducting oneself according to God’s word and the truth can one live out normal humanity, and that this is beneficial to others, to oneself, and to the work of the church. Only God’s words are the principles by which to act and conduct oneself!