By Junior, Zimbabwe

In June of 2020, I accepted Almighty God’s work of the last days. With a longing for more truths, I immersed myself in the joy of reading God’s words and watching gospel movies. Gradually, I came to understand many mysteries of the truth, such as the inside story of the Bible, the reality of Satan’s corruption of humanity, the mysteries of God’s incarnation and name, the work of God’s judgment in the last days, and so on. I also learned that God’s salvation work of the last days would come to an end soon, that the great disasters had already begun, and that accepting God’s judgment work of the last days was the only path to being saved and entering the kingdom of heaven. So then, I actively spread the gospel and testified to God to repay His love. Later, I wrote an experiential testimony article about how I had accepted Almighty God’s work of the last days. One sister read it and said happily, “Brother, you have great comprehension and are very insightful.” After hearing this, I felt a bit pleased with myself, thinking that my caliber was very good.

A few months later, I became a group leader and was responsible for watering a group of brothers and sisters. At each gathering, when I was done fellowshipping, the brothers and sisters all said that my comprehension was good, that my fellowship was very enlightening, and that they understood some issues that were previously unclear to them after hearing my fellowship. I thought, “I only recently accepted God’s work and can already water other newcomers, plus I’ve also received praise from the brothers and sisters. It seems that I’m better than the others.” Afterward, in order to be held in high esteem and acknowledged by more brothers and sisters, I worked even harder than before. I prepared in advance before each gathering, searching for God’s words and movies that were relevant to the gathering topic. Whenever I found light from a fellowship in a movie, I would write it down and fellowship about it during gatherings. I thought to myself, “If the brothers and sisters gain more from my fellowships, they’ll surely admire and look up to me more.” Before long, the brothers and sisters selected me as a church leader. I thought to myself, “I am indeed better than the others; why else would everyone choose me?” I really admired myself. Later, I heard from some brothers and sisters that they had become negative because they were jealous of me. Not only was I not sad to hear this, I was very happy, because it showed that my comprehension was indeed very good. When the newcomers I’d once watered asked about what duty I was doing, I would proudly say, “I’m a church leader now.” I wanted them to know that I was no longer just an ordinary group leader and that they should not treat me as an ordinary brother. During my time as a church leader, I was busier than I was before. Every day, I read a lot of God’s words and watched gospel movies to equip myself. Because of gatherings and answering questions from newcomers, I often couldn’t eat or rest on time. I complained a bit in my heart, but knowing it was my duty, I still went ahead and did it. During the gatherings, I often fellowshipped with the brothers and sisters about how I had suffered and equipped myself with the truth, and how I had expended myself for God. I mentioned being busy doing my duty every day, how I was often unable to eat on time, and so on. However, I never mentioned my complaints. After hearing all this, the brothers and sisters really admired me. They praised me for shouldering a burden in my duty and for achieving things that they hadn’t done, and they expressed a desire to learn from me. Hearing this, I felt very happy. Afterward, I always fellowshipped like that at gatherings, not wanting the brothers and sisters to think that I couldn’t handle suffering. If they felt that way, no one would think highly of me anymore. Gradually, the brothers and sisters started to depend on me, and no matter what difficulties or problems they encountered in their duties, they hardly ever relied on God and sought the truth principles, preferring to seek my help instead.

One time, because I’d been looking at my computer and phone for a long time, my eyes grew bloodshot, itchy, and painful, my vision was declining rapidly, and I couldn’t see things clearly. Someone told me that these symptoms were rather serious, and that if I didn’t receive treatment promptly, I could possibly go blind. At the time, I was so scared. I was somewhat negative, and I complained, thinking, “I work so hard at my duty; why did I still get this illness?” My duty was also affected due to my eye problem. Later, someone told me about a home remedy, and my vision finally improved. However, during gatherings, I only talked about my good side, emphasizing that no matter how busy my duty was and how much suffering my eye problem had caused, I hadn’t given up on my duty. I even said this was a trial from God and I had to stand firm in my testimony. But when it came to my weaknesses, worries and fears, and my misunderstandings and complaints about God, I didn’t say a word, not wanting the brothers and sisters to know that I had weaknesses too. After hearing my fellowship, the brothers and sisters all admired and looked up to me, saying my experience was great. Some brothers and sisters also said, “This brother truly has stature. He was faced with such a major illness, yet didn’t grow negative and was still able to continue doing his duty. If it were me, I might not be able to do the same.” After hearing these words, I was extremely happy, and I couldn’t help but think, “Even though I’m young and still a newcomer, my caliber is better than other brothers and sisters, and I pursue the truth more diligently than them.” But after that gathering ended, I had a strange, inexplicable sense of panic. It was just like when I did something wrong as a kid and knew that I’d be disciplined by my parents. I couldn’t even eat anything, and I felt very uneasy. I couldn’t help but reflect on myself, thinking, “Was that fellowship I gave at the gathering inappropriate?” Thinking of how I hadn’t fellowshipped about my true self at the gathering and how I’d hidden my weaknesses, I realized that my intention was not correct, and I felt very self-reproachful.

Later, I read a passage of God’s words: “Exalting and testifying about themselves, flaunting themselves, trying to make people think highly of them and worship them—corrupt mankind is capable of these things. This is how people instinctively react when they are governed by their satanic natures, and it is common to all of corrupt mankind. How do people usually exalt and testify about themselves? How do they achieve the aim of making people think highly of them and worship them? They testify to how much work they have done, how much they have suffered, how much they have expended themselves, and what price they have paid. They exalt themselves by talking about their capital, which gives them a higher, firmer, more secure place in people’s minds, so that more people appreciate, think highly of, admire, and even worship, look up to, and follow them. To achieve this aim, people do many things that testify to God on the surface, but essentially exalt and testify about themselves. Is acting that way reasonable? They are beyond the purview of rationality and have no shame, that is, they unabashedly testify to what they have done for God and how much they have suffered for Him. They even flaunt their gifts, talents, experience, special skills, their clever techniques for worldly dealings, the means they use to toy with people, and so on. Their method of exalting and testifying about themselves is to flaunt themselves and belittle others. They also camouflage and package themselves, hiding their weaknesses, shortcomings, and deficiencies from people so that they only ever see their brilliance. They do not even dare to tell other people when they feel negative; they lack the courage to open up and fellowship with them, and when they do something wrong, they do their utmost to conceal it and cover it up. Never do they mention the harm they have caused to the work of the church in the course of doing their duty. When they have made some minor contribution or achieved some small success, however, they are quick to show it off. They cannot wait to let the whole world know how capable they are, how high their caliber is, how exceptional they are, and how much better they are than normal people. Is this not a way of exalting and testifying about themselves?” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Four: They Exalt and Testify About Themselves). After reading God’s words, I felt God’s holiness and righteousness; God scrutinizes everything and exposes all that was hidden within me. God exposes that people have corrupt dispositions. When doing their duties or doing anything at all, they involuntarily exalt themselves and show themselves off, with the aim of establishing their status and image in the hearts of others and to achieve being looked up to or worshiped by others. All of this was done under the control of their corrupt satanic nature. I realized that I always talked about how much suffering I’d endured in my duty in front of the brothers and sisters, aiming to show everyone that I could suffer and pay a price and that I was loyal to God, using this to gain everyone’s praise and respect. During gatherings, I only talked about my good side, sharing how I’d relied on God and stood firm in my testimony while ill and wanting to flaunt in front of everyone that my stature was greater than others. However, when it came to the corruptions and weaknesses I’d revealed during my illness, I kept my mouth shut, fearing that if the brothers and sisters knew my true stature, they would no longer think highly of or worship me. Because I constantly exalted myself and showed off, brothers and sisters often came to me with their problems and difficulties instead of thinking to pray to and rely on God. Was I really believing in God and doing my duty? Was I not misleading and ensnaring people? The brothers and sisters chose me to be a leader, but I neither exalted God nor testified to Him, nor did I bring them before Him. Instead, I made them worship and rely on me. I was truly despicable and shameful; God really must detest me!

At this moment, I thought of these words of God that I’d read before. Almighty God says: “Some people particularly idolize Paul. They like to go out and give speeches and do work, they like to attend gatherings and preach, and they like to have people listen to them, worship them, and revolve around them. They like to hold a place in the hearts of others, and they appreciate it when others value the image they present. Let us dissect their nature from these behaviors. What is their nature? If they really behave like this, then it is sufficient in showing that they are arrogant and conceited. They do not worship God at all; they seek higher status and wish to have authority over others, to possess them, and to hold a position in their hearts. This is the classic image of Satan. The aspects of their nature that stand out are arrogance and conceit, an unwillingness to worship God, and a desire to be worshiped by others. Such behaviors can give you a very clear view into their nature” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. How to Know Man’s Nature). “If, in your heart, you truly understand the truth, then you will know how to practice the truth and submit to God, and will naturally embark on the path of pursuing the truth. If the path you walk is the right one, and in line with God’s intentions, then the work of the Holy Spirit will not leave you—in which case there will be less and less chance of you betraying God. Without the truth, it is easy to do evil, and you will do it despite yourself. For example, if you have an arrogant and conceited disposition, then being told not to oppose God makes no difference, you can’t help yourself, it is beyond your control. You would not do it on purpose; you would do it under the domination of your arrogant and conceited nature. Your arrogance and conceit would make you look down on God and see Him as being of no account; they would cause you to exalt yourself, constantly put yourself on display; they would make you scorn others, they would leave no one in your heart but yourself; they would rob you of God’s place in your heart, and ultimately cause you to sit in the place of God and demand that people submit to you, and make you venerate your own thoughts, ideas, and notions as the truth. So much evil is done by people under the dominance of their arrogant and conceited nature!” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Pursuing the Truth Can One Achieve a Change in Disposition). From God’s words, I realized that I constantly exalted myself and put myself on display mainly because my nature was too arrogant. Because of my arrogant and conceited nature, there was no place for God in my heart, and I looked down on others. I loved to show myself off and flaunt myself in front of people, seeking their admiration and praise. Driven by my arrogant nature, I was unwilling to work in obscurity and do things in a down-to-earth manner; I always wanted to stand out from the crowd. Was I not walking the exact same path of resisting God that Paul did? When he preached and worked for the Lord, Paul wrote many letters to the churches of that time, often exalting himself and testifying about his suffering and expending for the Lord, which led many people to think highly of and worship him. Although Paul suffered a lot while preaching and working, he never testified to the Lord’s words and did not bring believers before the Lord. Instead, he brought them before himself. He never reflected on his own ambitions and motives, even thinking that he had forsaken and expended a lot for God and believing that a crown of righteousness would be reserved for him. In the end, he even testified that for him, to live is Christ, making others follow his example. Paul’s nature was extremely arrogant, and ultimately, he was punished by God for seriously offending God’s disposition. Comparing this to my own behavior, I saw that I also constantly exalted myself and showed off in my duty, showing the brothers and sisters that I was better than them in every way in order to gain their admiration and worship. When the brothers and sisters all thought highly of me and praised me for my good caliber and my ability to suffer and pay a price in my duty, I not only didn’t feel afraid or reflect on myself, I took pleasure in it and was self-satisfied. I was truly so arrogant and conceited by nature, without the slightest trace of a God-fearing heart. In everything I’d done, whether it was equipping myself with God’s words to answer brothers and sisters’ questions or fellowshipping on my experiences at gatherings, my intention and motive had not been to seek an understanding of the truth, do my duty well, or sincerely help others. Instead, it was all to establish a lofty image in people’s hearts and earn their admiration. This was rebelling against and resisting God! As a church leader, I ought to exalt and testify to God and help the brothers and sisters understand the truth and God’s intentions so that they could come before God, rely on Him, and look up to Him. However, I constantly showed off and flaunted myself, resulting in the brothers and sisters having no place for God in their hearts but having a place for me. They relied on and worshiped me in everything they did. I was truly so arrogant that I’d lost all reason! Although I did my duty on the surface, in reality, all I was doing was harming the brothers and sisters, leading them away from God and making them worship a person. The nature of my actions was that of offending God’s disposition; I was walking the path of resisting God. If I did not repent, I would surely be punished and cursed by God just as Paul was. Pondering this, I felt scared. I realized that if I still didn’t repent, I would lose the work of the Holy Spirit, fall into darkness, and be spurned and eliminated by God. I prayed to God, “God, my nature is too arrogant, and I lack a heart that fears You. I always show off in front of others, which makes You greatly detest me. I don’t want to go on like this any longer. Please help me; I’m willing to practice according to Your requirements.”

After that, I read God’s words which said: “Do not think that you understand everything. I tell you that all you have seen and experienced is insufficient for you to understand even a thousandth of My management plan. So why then do you act so haughty? That little bit of talent and tiny bit of knowledge you have are insufficient for Jesus to use in even a single second of His work! How much experience do you actually possess? What you have seen and all that you have heard in your lifetime and what you have imagined are less than the work I do in a single moment! You had best not nitpick and find fault. You can be as arrogant as you want, but you are nothing more than a created being not even the equal of an ant! All that you hold within your belly is less than what is in an ant’s belly! Do not think, just because you have gained some experience and seniority, that this entitles you to gesticulate wildly and talk big. Are not your experience and your seniority the product of the words I have uttered? Do you believe that they were in exchange for your own labor and toil?” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. The Two Incarnations Complete the Significance of the Incarnation). Pondering God’s words, I felt ashamed. It hadn’t been long since I accepted God’s work of the last days, and I was a bit enthusiastic in my duty, understood some words and doctrines, and had achieved some results in my work, and so I regarded these things as my own stature, thinking that I was better than others and understood the truth better than they did. I even frequently used this as capital to show off and get others to think highly of me. I was truly too arrogant and had no self-knowledge. That I could fellowship some understanding at gatherings, answer some questions from brothers and sisters, and achieve some results in my work was all because the words that God expressed made me understand some truths. If it were not for God’s work of the last days, the truths that God expressed, and the enlightenment and illumination of the Holy Spirit, I would never have been able to understand the truth. Whether it was in regard to God’s work or to my own corrupt disposition, I wasn’t able to see through any of it. There was nothing about me worth flaunting. However, I hadn’t been grateful for God’s watering and provision, instead attributing all the credit to myself and using it as capital to show off and make others think highly of me. I was truly arrogant, ignorant, and shameless, and without reason! I was very thankful to God for helping me recognize my own corruption, and I wanted to change. So, I continued to seek the truth, thinking, “How should I resolve my corrupt disposition and stop exalting myself and showing myself off? How should I practice in order to exalt and testify to God?”

Later, I read some of God’s words: “When bearing testimony for God, you should mainly talk about how God judges and chastises people, and what trials He uses to refine people and change their dispositions. You should also talk about how much corruption has been revealed in your experience, how much you have suffered, how many things you did to resist God, and how you were eventually conquered by God. Talk about how much real knowledge of God’s work you have, and how you should bear witness for God and repay Him for His love. You should put substance into this kind of language, while putting it in a simple manner. Do not talk about empty theories. Speak more down-to-earth; speak from the heart. This is how you should experience things. Do not equip yourselves with profound-seeming, empty theories in an effort to show off; doing so makes you appear quite arrogant and senseless. You should speak more about real things from your actual experience, and speak more from the heart; this is most beneficial to others, and most appropriate for them to see” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Pursuing the Truth Can One Achieve a Change in Disposition). “Firstly, for one to appreciate problems and dissect and lay themselves bare at an essential level, they must have an honest heart and a sincere attitude, and they must speak of what they can understand of the problems in their disposition. Secondly, should one feel that a disposition of theirs is egregious, they must say to everyone, ‘If I reveal such a corrupt disposition again, feel free to alert me to it and to prune me. If I can’t accept it, don’t give up on me. This side of my corrupt disposition is very severe, and I need the truth to be fellowshipped multiple times to expose me. I gladly accept being pruned by everyone, and I hope that everyone will keep an eye on me, help me, and keep me from going astray.’ What of such an attitude? This is the attitude of accepting the truth” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. On Harmonious Cooperation). After reading God’s words, I understood that testifying to God mainly involves testifying about how God judges and tries people, what corrupt dispositions one reveals in their experiences, what weaknesses and deficiencies one notices in themselves, what true understanding one has of God’s work and His words, and what understanding and firsthand experience one has of God’s righteous disposition. Fellowshipping on all of these means truly testifying to God. As for me, my intention in fellowshipping during gatherings was to make others think highly of and worship me. I only talked about my good and proactive sides, rarely mentioning my weaknesses and the corruptions I revealed. This was exalting myself and showing myself off, which God detested and hated. I ought to be an honest person, open up about my corruptions, and speak my true thoughts, allowing others to see the real me, while also accepting the supervision and help of the brothers and sisters. That was how I ought to practice. After that, during gatherings, I opened up to the brothers and sisters about how I showed off and testified to myself, the despicable intention I had in my heart, and the corruptions I revealed. I also told them that I too had weaknesses and negativity and that they should not think highly of or worship me anymore. After fellowshipping like this, I felt very relaxed and at ease. After hearing about my experiences, some brothers and sisters said they had also gained some understanding of their own corruptions. Later on, the brothers and sisters no longer worshiped or relied on me as much as they did before, and even though some people still occasionally praised my fellowships, I was no longer affected by their words.

From then on, I prayed to God before almost every gathering, “Almighty God, You are the One who should be praised. I am just a corrupt person. I must open myself up and speak my true thoughts. Please scrutinize my heart so that my words and actions are not to show myself off, but to testify to You.” Thus, at each gathering, I focused on pondering God’s words and fellowshipping on my understanding and comprehension of them, also frequently opening up myself and exposing my corrupt dispositions. Moreover, I told the brothers and sisters to supervise me, and that if they saw that I was disguising myself, they could expose and prune me, helping me understand my corruptions and break free from the control of these corrupt dispositions. I used to think that others didn’t fellowship well, and I never listened carefully to their fellowships, but now I pay close attention to the brothers and sisters when they discuss their experiences and understandings. When there is enlightenment from the Holy Spirit, I note it down, and I can learn a lot from the brothers’ and sisters’ experiences. That I am able to practice these things now is because of the judgment, exposure, enlightenment, and illumination of God’s words. Thanks be to God’s guidance!