By Wu Yan, China

In late June of 2021, because the Chinese Communist Party was arresting Christians like crazy, my host home was being monitored. I moved out right away, but it was highly likely the police were watching me, too, so I had to hide at home to work. I was responsible for some groups’ work at the time. My workload was increasing and some things just couldn’t be done by writing letters, and it wasn’t as effective as face-to-face communication. So, in accordance with the needs of the work, the leader appointed Sister Wang Zhen as my partner.

Wang Zhen didn’t know the brothers and sisters very well at first, so before every gathering I’d touch base with her on the issues that needed to be addressed to help her be more effective in fellowshipping with brothers and sisters. At that time, I found out that Sister Li Fan was always being perfunctory in her duty. She hadn’t changed after several fellowship sessions and it already held up the work. Based on the principles, she needed to be dismissed right away. And so, I put together a document explaining the situation about Li Fan and the principles of dismissing people for Wang Zhen to look over and shared my opinion with her on why Li Fan needed to be dismissed, so Wang Zhen could be really thorough in her fellowship with Li Fan to benefit her in reflecting and learning about herself. Wang Zhen went and dismissed her the next day. Wang Zhen told me about how it went when she came home later that day, but didn’t mention me a single time among the brothers and sisters through the entire thing or say that I’d helped her gain discernment or handle the problem. I was a bit disappointed. I felt like no one else knew about what I was doing behind the scenes. I wondered if they would think Wang Zhen had grasped Li Fan’s problems right away after she took on the duty, that she had more understanding of the truth and more discernment than me. Thinking about how much I’d done that no one knew about and which made Wang Zhen look good was kind of upsetting for me.

A few days later in a work discussion with Wang Zhen, it came up that one group had been doing worse and worse. I couldn’t see the root of the problem, and she mentioned to me that there might be an issue with the group leader. Considering that and thinking about that group leader’s consistent behavior, I saw that she only protected her status and did tasks that would earn her face, but never did real work, and that was really holding things up. Based on the principles she needed to be dismissed. I knew I couldn’t resolve the issue personally, and that I should share my understanding with Wang Zhen so that she could better fellowship with the others, help them gain discernment, and dismiss this leader right away. But when I thought back on Li Fan’s dismissal, how I had been looking for principles and putting together the document, and how I had fellowshipped so much with Wang Zhen but no one even knew, I felt that if I shared all my thoughts with her this time and she dismissed that group leader, the others would definitely give her all the credit. They’d think that after just a short time on the work she’d discerned two people who weren’t suitable that I hadn’t dismissed after being in that position of responsibility for so long. They’d think she had better discernment and understanding of the truth. I wanted to keep some of my views to myself so Wang Zhen’s fellowship wouldn’t be clear, and the others wouldn’t admire her. With this thought, however, I felt kind of guilty. If her fellowship wasn’t clear and the group leader didn’t understand her own issue, and if she misunderstood and became negative, then not only would that impact her self-reflection, but it would also impact her duty later on. Also, playing games and keeping something to myself like this would be sure to disgust God. At that thought, I shared all the situations about this group leader with Wang Zhen, but I began to feel bitter the moment Wang Zhen left to handle things. Why couldn’t I go out to take care of this work? Everyone saw Wang Zhen dismissing people and discerning them, but who saw my efforts behind all that? I wasn’t too thrilled when I thought about how everything I’d been doing was just making Wang Zhen look good and improving her status among the others. I even complained about God putting me into such a bad situation. Why was He suddenly allowing me to be put under surveillance? Then, a few brothers and sisters wrote to us one after another about their work issues, and some specifically asked for Wang Zhen to handle them. I was even more unhappy about that. I felt like everyone only had regard for Wang Zhen, but didn’t see my work behind the scenes. If that went on, wouldn’t everyone say I was just a useless accessory? Even though Wang Zhen was out there running around, it wasn’t easy for me at home, either. No one could see all my hard work. I wasn’t happy about it so I tried to think of a way to turn things around. Though I couldn’t go out and see the brothers and sisters in person, I could write letters to arrange tasks to prove I was doing plenty of work, and that I was front and center. Just then, we got letters from a few groups about some general affairs tasks that needed arranging. I wrote back with details to set them up and wrote very clearly about when Wang Zhen would go to visit them so that everyone would know I was the one arranging all this, that I was calling the shots behind the scenes.

One day, I wrote to a sister, asking her how her state was. After I wrote the letter, I wondered if she’d know that I was the one who had written the letter. If I didn’t leave some clue, she might think it was Wang Zhen who was concerned for her. That wouldn’t do. I had to make sure that sister knew it was me writing. But for the sake of my safety, I couldn’t sign the letter with my own name. Then I suddenly remembered that not long before, I’d recommended a hymn to that sister, so I could ask her if she’d been learning it and this way she might know it was me. With that idea, I quickly finished the letter and sent it off. I saw from the response that the sister knew I was the one who wrote it and I was so happy. I felt like I could still make myself look good even from behind the scenes and get the others to see I had realities and was able to resolve problems. So in this way, I never really saw that I wasn’t in the right state. This state remained until one day when a sister told me in distress that some study documents she’d worked really hard on were sent out to the brothers and sisters by her partner, so she felt like her partner had robbed her of credit for her work, and she felt less enthusiasm for her duty. Hearing this was a real shock for me. Hadn’t I been living in the very same state lately? I wasn’t seeking the truth to resolve it either. So, I looked for words of God to resolve the state I was in. I read God’s words that said: “Antichrists always carry certain intentions when they act. Their words, actions, and conduct, even the specific wording they choose while speaking, are intentional; they are not acting out of momentary revelation of corruption, small stature, foolishness or ignorance, spouting nonsense wherever they go—this is not the way it is at all. By examining their methods, their way of doing things, and their choice of words, antichrists appear quite devious and wicked. For the sake of their own status and to achieve their goal of controlling people, they seize every opportunity to show off, to make use of every little bit, and they won’t miss a single chance. Tell Me, would such people reveal these traits in front of Me? (Yes.) Why do you say they would? (Because their nature essence is to show off.) Is showing off the end goal for an antichrist? What is their goal in showing off? They want to win status, and this is what they mean: ‘Don’t you know who I am? Look at the things I’ve done, it was me who did these good things; I made quite a few contributions to god’s house. Now that you know, shouldn’t you give me more significant work? Shouldn’t you hold me in high regard? Shouldn’t you rely on me in everything you do?’ Is this not deliberate? Antichrists want to control anyone, regardless of who they are. What’s another term for control? Manipulate, toy with—they just want to govern you. For example, when brothers and sisters praise something as well done, an antichrist immediately says that they did it, making it so that everyone thanks them. Would a truly reasonable person act like this? Absolutely not. When antichrists do a little good they want everybody to know about it, to hold them in high esteem and praise them—this satisfies them” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Five: They Mislead, Draw In, Threaten, and Control People). I saw from God’s words that antichrists are constantly showing off. Everything they say and do is just to gain others’ admiration, and just a covert attempt to gain status. Considering God’s words and reflecting on the disposition I had revealed, wasn’t I just like an antichrist? I felt wronged when Wang Zhen dismissed those two sisters without mentioning me at all. I felt like it had mainly been me who had discerned them, but the credit had all gone to Wang Zhen in the end. She had been the only one to show her face, but no matter how much I did, no one would see it. Nobody would know it if I kept doing things silently. That was extremely vexing! I was racking my brains and going to great lengths to show myself off, so that the brothers and sisters would admire me and I’d have status in their eyes. It looked like I was just writing letters to arrange work, but really, I was covertly trying to remind everyone not to forget about my existence, and that Wang Zhen was just doing some work on my behalf, but I was primarily responsible. Under the pretense of helping a sister with her state, I acted like I cared about her, to remind her of my existence and gain her admiration without letting her see my own despicable motives. I had such a deceitful disposition! If I had not read God’s words, I never would have known those two sisters weren’t fit for their duties. Also, many losses had been caused to the work by the time they were dismissed. That was particularly true for that group leader. Without Wang Zhen mentioning it, I wouldn’t have discerned it and would have kept her in place. I hadn’t been doing my work well, and not only did I lack any sense of indebtedness and guilt, but I was also shamelessly demanding credit and using despicable means to show off and gain status, trying to make everyone look up to me. I was so incredibly shameless!

Then I read another passage of God’s words: “Those who are capable of putting the truth into practice can accept God’s scrutiny in the things they do. When you accept God’s scrutiny, your heart will be set straight. If you only ever do things for others to see, and always want to gain others’ praise and admiration, and you do not accept God’s scrutiny, then is God still in your heart? Such people have no God-fearing hearts. Do not always do things for your own sake and do not constantly consider your own interests; do not consider the interests of man, and give no thought to your own pride, reputation, and status. You must first consider the interests of God’s house, and make them your priority. You should be considerate of God’s intentions and begin by contemplating whether or not there have been impurities in the performance of your duty, whether you have been loyal, fulfilled your responsibilities, and given it your all, as well as whether or not you have been wholeheartedly thinking about your duty and the work of the church. You must consider these things. If you think about them frequently and figure them out, it will be easier for you to perform your duty well” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Disposition). From God’s words I understood that accepting God’s scrutiny is key to practicing the truth, and we should not care what people think, but just care about satisfying God and fulfilling our duty. After that, in my letters and fellowship with others, I made an effort to have the right motives and accept God’s scrutiny instead of using the letters to gain others’ admiration and gain a place in their hearts. I thought of all those letters that Paul wrote to the churches. He never exalted or bore witness to the Lord Jesus in them and he didn’t urge believers to follow the Lord Jesus’ words. He just elevated and bore witness to himself, talking about how much he’d worked, how much he’d suffered. He said, “I was not a whit behind the very most chief apostles,” and brought people before himself, on a path against God. The letters I was writing to brothers and sisters didn’t exalt or bear witness to God either, but I was indirectly showing off. Wasn’t I essentially doing the same thing as Paul? If I didn’t repent, I’d end up eliminated and punished just like he was. Realizing this, I said a prayer to God, “God, I’m too concerned with my status. I don’t want to be controlled by it and do something to harm the church’s work. Whether I get to stand out or not, I just want to steadfastly perform my duty.”

Over the next few days, I consciously corrected my mindset, often reminding myself that the church’s interests are most important, and to do my duty well. Then one day, we received a resignation letter from Brother Chen Zhiqiang saying he wanted to quit because he wasn’t getting along well with his partners. We’d known a little bit about his issue before. Mainly, he was too arrogant and obstinate, so he didn’t work well with others. Wang Zhen had already fellowshipped with him a few times but he hadn’t changed. Now he suddenly decided to resign, it seemed like it would be difficult for us to resolve this problem. When Wang Zhen and I discussed his issues, I shared my own perspective and found a few relevant passages of God’s words. Wang Zhen felt that fellowshipping in this way was appropriate. At that point it occurred to me that no matter how useful my fellowship was, Wang Zhen was the one who would actually go to fellowship with him. Who would see that it was me who was concerned and paid the price behind the scenes? That thought made me want to stop discussing with Wang Zhen, but then I thought that God was scrutinizing all my thoughts and ideas, I felt a bit troubled. Why did I always want to protect my own name and status? I thought of a passage of God’s words that helped me understand the consequences of going after status. Almighty God says: “If someone says they love the truth and that they pursue the truth, but in essence, the goal they pursue is to distinguish themselves, to show off, to make people think highly of them, to achieve their own interests, and the performing of their duty is not to submit to or satisfy God, and instead is to achieve fame, gain, and status, then their pursuit is illegitimate. That being the case, when it comes to the work of the church, are their actions an obstacle, or do they help move it forward? They are clearly an obstacle; they do not move it forward. Some people wave the banner of doing the work of the church yet pursue their own personal fame, gain, and status, run their own operation, create their own little group, their own little kingdom—is this kind of person doing their duty? All the work they do essentially disrupts, disturbs, and impairs the work of the church. What is the consequence of their pursuit of fame, gain, and status? First, this affects how God’s chosen people eat and drink God’s word normally and understand the truth, it hinders their life entry, stops them from entering the right track of faith in God, and leads them onto the wrong path—which harms the chosen ones, and brings them to ruin. And what does it ultimately do to the work of the church? It is disturbance, impairment, and dismantlement. This is the consequence brought about by people’s pursuit of fame, gain, and status. When they do their duty in this way, can this not be defined as walking the path of an antichrist?” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part One)). I always used to think that pursuing name and status only impacted a person’s life entry and as long as we don’t commit evil, we won’t disrupt the church’s work. I didn’t understand why God detests and despises pursuing name and status so much. Reading God’s words showed me that going after name and status in my duty, and not protecting the interests of the church is sure to harm the church’s work and the brothers’ and sisters’ life entry in the end. It will obstruct and disrupt the church’s work, and that is condemned by God. When discussing Chen Zhiqiang’s problem, I didn’t want to fellowship anymore because I couldn’t be in the limelight. It didn’t seem like a big thing, but it really was serious in essence. If we delayed fellowshipping with Chen Zhiqiang to help him with his issues, it wouldn’t just hurt his life entry, it would also impact the work of the church. Holding responsibility, I should have helped out right away with someone struggling in their duty to keep the church’s work on track. Particularly with the Communist Party doing so many arrests, Wang Zhen was risking arrest every single time she went out for a gathering. If she wasn’t adequately prepared and couldn’t resolve issues in the gatherings, unable to achieve good results despite the risk she was taking, wouldn’t that be tormenting for her? I wasn’t thinking about how to resolve these problems as soon as possible or about the sister’s safety. I was solely preoccupied with her potentially stealing my thunder. I was so selfish and lacking humanity! As a supervisor, I wasn’t doing real work. I was even protecting my own status at the expense of the work of the church. I was on the path of an antichrist! I’d been solely responsible before, and I did my best no matter how hard or tiring it was. But because of the Party’s arrests, I couldn’t go out anymore—I could only work from behind the scenes. I was reluctant about doing my duty, always wanting to vie with Wang Zhen for the limelight. I then realized that my enthusiasm in my duty before was all just for name and status. That situation was revealing my wrong motives and pursuits, so that I could correct them in a timely manner. This was God’s love for me.

Later, I read God’s words that gave me more clarity on a path of practice. God’s words say: “You must achieve harmonious cooperation for the purpose of the work of God, for the benefit of the church, and so as to spur your brothers and sisters onward. You should coordinate with one another, each amending the other and arriving at a better work outcome, so as to show consideration for God’s intentions. This is what true cooperation is, and only those who engage in it will gain true entry” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Serve As the Israelites Did). “What must one do to perform their duty well? One must come to perform it with all their heart and all their energy. Using all one’s heart and energy means keeping all one’s thoughts on performing their duty and not letting other things occupy them, and then applying the energy that one has, exerting the entirety of one’s power, and bringing one’s caliber, gifts, strengths, and the things they have understood to bear on the task. If you have the comprehension and understanding ability, and have a good idea, you must communicate with others about it. This is what it means to cooperate in harmony. This is how you will perform your duty well, how you will achieve satisfactory performance of your duty. If you wish always to take on everything yourself, if you always want to do great things alone, if you always want the focus to be on you and not others, are you performing your duty? What you are doing is called autocracy; it is putting on a show. It is satanic behavior, not the performance of duty. No one, no matter their strengths, gifts, or special talents, can take on all the work themselves; they must learn to cooperate in harmony if they are to do the church’s work well. That is why harmonious cooperation is a principle of the practice of performing one’s duty. As long as you apply all your heart and all your energy and all your loyalty, and offer up everything you can do, you are performing your duty well” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Proper Fulfillment of Duty Requires Harmonious Cooperation). I saw from God’s words that to do our duty well, we must consider God’s heart and cooperate with our brothers and sisters. We have to put our all into it and use our strengths to make up for each other’s weaknesses. That’s how we can gain God’s approval and attain good results in our work. I also saw that it didn’t matter whether Wang Zhen or I showed up to resolve problems in person. As long as others’ states and difficulties could be resolved, even if my effort was invisible and behind the scenes, doing my duty and satisfying God would bring me reassurance and peace. After that, I gave some thought to what truths should be fellowshipped to address Chen Zhiqiang’s issue and found some relevant words of God for Wang Zhen to review. She also found some passages of God’s words that were really incisive on his state that I hadn’t thought of. Together, these things were even more comprehensive. At that point, I felt deeply ashamed. Though I wasn’t able to go out for work, I could clearly fellowship with Wang Zhen about everything I saw and thought. Working together, we had a more comprehensive view of issues, so we could resolve them better. Wasn’t that more beneficial to the church’s work? Wang Zhen went to fellowship with Chen Zhiqiang after we’d discussed everything.

Then one day, we got a letter from some brothers and sisters. The letter said that through Wang Zhen’s fellowship, they’d been able to correct some errors and were doing better in their duties. I was a little disappointed after reading that. I felt like I’d discovered those errors and deviations, but all everyone saw was just Wang Zhen’s work. No one saw what I was doing behind the scenes. Then it came to me that I was vying for name and gain again, so I prayed and rebelled against myself. I read a passage of God’s words in an essay that was really moving for me. God’s words say: “If you try always to show off and have what you say go, you are not cooperating in harmony. What are you doing? You are causing a disturbance and undermining others. To cause a disturbance and undermine others is to play the role of Satan; it is not the performance of duty. … You may be of little strength, but if you are capable of working with others, and are able to accept suitable suggestions, and if you have the right motivations, and can protect the work of God’s house, then you are a right person. Sometimes, with a single sentence, you can solve a problem and benefit everyone; sometimes, after you fellowship on a single statement of the truth, everyone has a path to practice, and is able to work harmoniously together, and all strive toward a common goal, and share the same views and opinions, and so work is particularly effective. Although no one might remember that you played this role, and you might not feel as if you made much effort, God will see that you are a person who practices the truth, a person who acts according to the principles. God will remember your having done so. This is called performing your duty loyally” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. The Proper Fulfillment of Duty Requires Harmonious Cooperation). It’s true. Though no one could see my work behind the scenes, I was doing my duty to satisfy God. It didn’t matter if other people knew. Practicing the truth and satisfying God are what matters. As a supervisor, it was my responsibility and duty and what I should do to fellowship with the others when I noticed their errors and deviations, and help them to resolve them. That was not something I should take credit for. Before, I’d always tried to show off in front of others, but now I could only work from behind the scenes. That was God’s orchestration and arrangement, and it was what I needed. I had to submit to it, focus on practicing the truth in my duty, and strive to do my duty well.

When I noticed problems in our work after that, I’d take the initiative to reach out to Sister Wang Zhen. Sometimes when I wrote to brothers and sisters about issues, I wanted to make a point to show that it was me writing, but realizing I was covertly showing off and elevating myself, I’d pray and let go of my incorrect motives. I would calm myself and think about what I could write that would help the others and how I could fulfill my own responsibilities and duty. Practicing in this way really brightened my heart and felt really freeing. It’s such a great way to conduct myself.