By Miriam, Japan

In June 2022, I was elected to be a church leader. Thinking about all the work I would take on, the wide variety of experience I’d gain, and how it would be good for my growth in life, I was thrilled. I was also grateful to God for this chance to practice. But I was new to leadership, so I didn’t know a lot of principles. Additionally, I didn’t seek principles when problems cropped up, but just plodded away blindly doing whatever I thought best. As a result, it wasn’t long before issues arose in my work. A supervisor I’d selected was being always perfunctory in her duty and holding up work. When an upper leader found out about it, she reprimanded me, “In something as important as appointing staff, why ignore principles and decide things on your own without discussing them with your co-workers? How arrogant and self-righteous!” I felt terrible when I heard her say that. I admitted that I’d been arrogant and self-righteous, but at the same time I felt really worried. Now that my problem had been exposed, the leader and other brothers and sisters would see how I really measured up. If the same old problem kept cropping up, would the leader dismiss me? To my surprise, before long, another task I worked on had to be redone because I’d done it my own way, which delayed the work, and I was pruned again. I was told, “As a leader, you’re not handling personal matters, but doing work that involves the entire church. Leaders should seek principles and hold discussions with co-workers in all matters. Why do you always just do whatever you want? You’re way too arrogant and self-righteous!” Hearing this from her was like a knife through the heart, and I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. She was right—she had already pointed out this very problem. Why did I make the same mistake? If I was always doing things my own way and messing up in my duty, I was bound to be dismissed sooner or later. During that time, I noticed some others around me who didn’t seek truth principles in their duties, but did things their own way, which led to disruptions in the work and got them pruned, and some were even dismissed. Seeing this made me even more anxious and afraid. I felt like I had to really watch out from then on and never make a mistake. Otherwise, I’d be the next one dismissed. If I really got dismissed, would I still have a good outcome and destination? I became really cautious in work after that. Even in ordinary work discussions, when we needed to express an opinion, I was hesitant to open my mouth, afraid I’d say the wrong thing and expose my problem. When offering suggestions on issues I noticed in following up on the work, I second-guessed myself, thinking, “Is this really a problem? If I’m wrong, will the leader prune me? Never mind—better not to bring it up. That way at least I won’t be wrong, and won’t be pruned.” At that thought, I’d just shrug off things I wasn’t sure about. But that left me feeling kind of guilty, and I realized I was being irresponsible toward my work. I figured I should ask my co-workers and then handle matters after seeing what they thought. That way the leader wouldn’t say I was arrogant and self-righteous and acting willfully. Once, the church needed to select a gospel deacon. One brother was good at sharing the gospel, but others said he didn’t have good humanity, and that he had attacked and taken revenge on others. I couldn’t tell if he was a viable candidate, so I discussed it with my co-workers. Everyone said to give it a try. I felt kind of uneasy at the time and wanted to further discuss it, but then I figured, I was the only one who felt that brother wasn’t well-suited. What if I made a suggestion that was off, and the leader said that not only did I not understand the principles, I was also arrogant and self-righteous, and pruned me? So I didn’t bring up my concerns, and I even comforted myself: I’d already asked for everyone’s input, so if something went wrong, I wouldn’t be solely responsible. Before long, the upper leader looked into our work and found out this brother didn’t have good humanity. He wouldn’t take others’ suggestions, and would even attack and take revenge on them. The leader said, “If he’s not dismissed right away, the work will be impacted.” I was really upset to hear her say that, because I’d been aware of the problem before, but I was afraid my take on it was off, and I’d be pruned if there was a problem, so I hadn’t said anything. Luckily the leader noticed it and had him dismissed, otherwise the work definitely would have suffered. I felt really guilty. I had a distinct sense that there was a problem, so why didn’t I have the guts to bring it up? Why did I fail to protect church work? Why was I so afraid of being pruned? I prayed to God, asking Him to guide me to understand my problem.

Then one day, I read a passage of God’s words: “Some people follow their own will when they act. They violate the principles, and after being pruned, they admit in mere words that they are arrogant, and that they made a mistake only because they do not have the truth. But in their hearts, they complain, ‘No one else sticks their neck out, just me—and in the end, when something goes wrong, they push all the responsibility onto me. Isn’t this stupid of me? I can’t do the same thing next time, sticking my neck out like that. The bird that sticks its neck out is the one that gets shot!’ What do you think of this attitude? Is it an attitude of repentance? (No.) What attitude is it? Haven’t they become slippery and deceitful? In their hearts they think, ‘I’m lucky this time it didn’t turn into a disaster. A fall into the pit, a gain in your wit, so to speak. I have to be more careful in the future.’ They do not seek the truth, using their petty tricks and cunning schemes to attend to and handle the matter. Can they gain the truth in this way? They cannot, because they have not repented. The first thing to be done when repenting is to recognize what you have done wrong: to see where your mistake was, the essence of the problem, and the corrupt disposition you have revealed; you must reflect on these things and accept the truth, then practice according to the truth. Only this is an attitude of repentance. If, on the other hand, you consider cunning ways exhaustively, you become more slippery than before, your techniques are cleverer and more concealed, and you have more methods to deal with things, then the problem is not quite as simple as just being deceitful. You are using underhanded means and you have secrets you cannot divulge. This is wickedness. Not only have you not repented, but you have become more slippery and deceitful. God sees that you are overly intransigent and wicked, that you admit on the surface you were wrong, and accept being pruned, yet in reality, you do not have a repentant attitude in the slightest. Why do I say this? Because while this event was happening or in its aftermath, you did not seek the truth at all, you did not reflect and try to know yourself, and you did not practice according to the truth. Your attitude is one of using Satan’s philosophies, logic, and methods to resolve the problem. In reality, you are sidestepping the problem, and wrapping it up in a neat package so others see no trace of it, letting nothing slip. In the end, you feel you are quite smart. These are the things God sees, rather than your having truly reflected, confessed, and repented of your sin in the face of the matter that has befallen you, then going on to seek the truth and practicing according to the truth. Your attitude is not one of seeking the truth or of practicing the truth, nor is it one of submission to God’s sovereignty and arrangements, but one of using Satan’s techniques and methods to resolve your problem. You give others a false impression and resist being revealed by God, and you are defensive and confrontational regarding the circumstances that God has orchestrated for you. Your heart is more closed than before and separated from God. As such, can any good result come from it? Can you still live in the light, enjoying peace and joy? You cannot. If you shun the truth and shun God, you will certainly fall into the darkness and weep and gnash your teeth” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Pursuing the Truth Can One Resolve Their Notions and Misunderstandings of God). God’s words allowed me to understand that those who love and accept the truth are able to seek the truth from being pruned, self-reflect and learn where they went wrong, what corrupt dispositions they revealed, and how they should be resolved. Afterward, they can do their duty according to principles. This is truly accepting pruning and showing genuine repentance. But when those who don’t accept the truth are pruned, they may verbally acknowledge they were wrong, but they don’t seek the truth or self-reflect to know themselves. Instead, they use slick and deceitful ways to wrap themselves up, not letting others see their issues so they can protect themselves. That kind of person isn’t just deceitful; they’re also wicked. I reflected on myself by comparing myself to what’s exposed in God’s words. When I first became a leader, I didn’t know a lot of principles and I didn’t seek them; I just did things my own way. That was disruptive to the work. The leader pointed out my problem in order to help me out. But though I admitted I’d messed up, I didn’t reflect on myself after that, or put effort into understanding principles. I just did guesswork and stayed on my guard, thinking that since the leader had already seen how I really measured up, I could be dismissed if I made another mistake, and then I wouldn’t have a good outcome and destination. I disguised myself at every turn for self-protection, not showing my issues or shortcomings. I was really cautious in everything I said and did. I weighed the pros and cons before mentioning an issue or expressing an opinion, considering whether I might be pruned if my opinion was wrong and then led to consequences. I’d only say something if I could guarantee everything would be foolproof. But I wouldn’t breathe a word about anything I was uncertain about, without any consideration for how the work could suffer if the problem was ignored. And to avoid taking responsibility, when I needed to select someone, I asked for my co-workers’ input, but just did it for show. Though I was unsettled about their suggestion, I didn’t further discuss about it, leading to the wrong person being selected. That was harmful to the brothers and sisters as well as the work. I saw that when I was pruned, I didn’t show any repentance at all. I just became more slippery and deceitful, constantly thinking about how to avoid slipping up and being pruned, always on my guard against God and the leaders. Doing my duty that way was disgusting and odious to God. I’d never get the Holy Spirit’s work and guidance that way. If I didn’t repent, I knew that eventually I’d be spurned and eliminated by God.

During my devotionals once, I read a passage of God’s words where He exposes how antichrists react to being pruned that helped me understand my own problem. Almighty God says: “Some antichrists that work in the house of God silently resolve to act scrupulously, to avoid making errors, being pruned, angering the Above or being caught by their leaders doing something bad, and they make sure to have an audience when they do good deeds. Yet, no matter how scrupulous they are, due to the fact that their motives and the path they take are incorrect, and because they speak and act only for the sake of fame, gain, and status and never seek the truth, they often violate principles, disrupt and disturb the church’s work, act as Satan’s lackeys and even often commit many transgressions. It is very common and very typical for such people to often violate principles and commit transgressions. So, of course, it is very difficult for them to avoid being pruned. They have seen that some antichrists have been revealed and eliminated because they have been sternly pruned. They have seen these things with their own eyes. Why do antichrists act so cautiously? One reason, for sure, is that they are afraid of being revealed and eliminated. They think, ‘I’ve got to be careful—after all, “Caution is the parent of safety” and “The good have peaceful lives.” I must follow these principles and remind myself at every moment to avoid doing wrong or getting into trouble, and I must suppress my corruption and intentions and not let anyone see them. As long as I don’t do wrong and can persevere to the very end, I will gain blessings, evade the disasters, and I will gain something in my belief in god!’ They often urge themselves on, motivate and encourage themselves in this way. Deep down, they believe that if they do wrong, their chances of gaining blessings will diminish significantly. Is this not the calculation and belief that occupies the depths of their hearts? Putting aside whether this calculation or belief of antichrists is right or wrong, based on it, what will they be most worried about when being pruned? (Their prospects and destiny.) They associate being pruned with their prospects and destiny—this has to do with their wicked nature. They think to themselves: ‘Am I being pruned like this because I am going to be eliminated? Is it because I’m not wanted? Will god’s house stop me from doing this duty? Do I not seem trustworthy? Am I going to be replaced with someone better? If I am eliminated, can I still be blessed? Can I still enter the kingdom of heaven? It sounds like my performance hasn’t been very satisfactory, so I must be more careful in the future, and learn to be obedient and well-behaved, and not make any trouble. I must learn to be patient, and survive by keeping my head down. Every day when I do things, I must imagine that I’m walking on eggshells. I can’t let my guard down. Although I have carelessly given myself away this time and been pruned, their tone didn’t sound very strict. It looks like the problem is not very serious, it seems like I still have a chance—I can still escape the disasters and be blessed, so I should just humbly accept this. It’s not as if I’m going to be dismissed, let alone eliminated or expelled, so I can accept being pruned in this way.’ Is this an attitude of accepting being pruned? Is this truly knowing one’s corrupt disposition? Is this really wanting to repent and turn over a new leaf? Is this being genuinely determined to act according to the principles? No, it is not. Then why do they act this way? Because of that glimmer of hope that they can evade the disasters and be blessed. As long as that glimmer of hope still exists, they cannot give themselves away, they cannot reveal their true selves, they cannot tell others what is in the depths of their hearts, and they cannot let others know about the resentment they harbor inside. They must hide these things, they must tuck their tails between their legs, and not allow others to see them for who they really are. Therefore, they do not change at all after being pruned, and they carry on doing things as they did before. So, what is the principle behind their actions? Simply to protect their own interests in everything. No matter what errors they make, they do not let others know; they must make everyone around them think that they are a perfect person without faults or defects, and that they never make mistakes. This is how they disguise themselves. After keeping up their disguises for a long time, they feel confident that they are more or less certain to elude the disasters, to be blessed, and to enter the kingdom of heaven” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Eight)). I saw from God’s words that when antichrists are pruned for violating principles or doing evil, what they’re most worried about is being eliminated, then not gaining any blessings. So they become incredibly cautious in what they do after that, on their guard against God and man. They think as long as they don’t do anything wrong and don’t expose their flaws for others to discover, they can hold on to their position and their blessings will be guaranteed. I saw that antichrists are terribly selfish, vile, deceitful, and wicked. They just believe in God for the sake of blessings. When they’re pruned, all they think of is their own future and interests. They may become well-behaved and compliant for a time, but it’s just an act, so they can stay in the church to avoid the disasters. I saw that my attitude toward pruning was just how antichrists act, linking pruning with receiving blessings. When I was pruned, I was guessing whether the leader would dismiss me, and worried about whether I’d have a good future and destination. I was walking on eggshells in my duty after that. I thought and rethought any suggestions or issues I wanted to bring up, very afraid of making a mistake and exposing my inadequacies. Then the leader would know how I measured up and dismiss me. I became even more defensive against God when I saw other brothers and sisters around me dismissed, afraid I’d make a mistake and be pruned again, or dismissed. I hadn’t truly accepted pruning, or self-reflected and seen my errors. I was just blindly on my guard against God and used deceitful tactics to disguise myself. I thought that as long as I hid my true face and didn’t make more mistakes or get pruned, I wouldn’t be dismissed, and then I could stay in the church and end up with a good outcome and destination. I was always cautious with God, racking my brains to calculate my personal gains or losses. I saw issues but didn’t do any seeking or report them. I just cared about watching my own back and didn’t remotely consider church work. I was so selfish and deceitful. Disguising myself that way, though I could fool the leader for a time and not get dismissed right away, if I never self-reflected, repented, or made changes, I’d be revealed and eliminated by God sooner or later. Realizing that, I said a prayer, ready to repent, and to seek the truth to resolve my problem.

In my seeking, I read some of God’s words about how to properly handle being pruned. God said: “In reality, God’s house prunes people entirely because they act willfully and arbitrarily in the performance of their duties, thus disrupting and disturbing the work of God’s house, and do not reflect or repent—only then does God’s house prune them. In this situation, does them being pruned mean that they’re being eliminated? (No, it doesn’t.) Absolutely not, people should accept this in a positive manner. In this context, any pruning, whether it be by God or man, whether it comes from leaders and workers or brothers and sisters, is not malicious, and it is advantageous for the work of the church. Being able to prune a person when they have acted willfully and arbitrarily and disturbed the work of God’s house, is a just and positive thing. This is something that upstanding people and those who love the truth should do” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Eight)). “When it comes to being pruned, what is the very least that people should know? Being pruned must be experienced to adequately do one’s duty—it is indispensable. It is something that people must face on a daily basis and often experience in order to attain salvation in their faith in God. No one can be apart from being pruned. Is pruning someone something that involves their prospects and destiny? (No.) So what is pruning someone done for? Is it done in order to condemn them? (No, it’s done in order to help people understand the truth and do their duty according to principles.) That’s right. That’s the most correct understanding of it. Pruning someone is a kind of discipline, a kind of chastening, and naturally it’s also a form of helping and remedying people. Being pruned allows you to alter your incorrect pursuit in time. It allows you to promptly recognize the problems you currently have, and allows you to recognize the corrupt dispositions you reveal in time. No matter what, being pruned helps you recognize your mistakes and do your duties according to principles, it saves you from causing deviations and going astray in time, and it prevents you from causing catastrophes. Is this not the greatest aid to people, their greatest remedy? Those with a conscience and reason should be able to treat being pruned correctly” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Eight)). I learned from His words that pruning is one way of purifying and perfecting people. It’s also something that we have to face and undergo in our process of growth in life. The words of pruning might be really harsh and poignant sometimes, but it’s being directed at our corrupt dispositions. It’s directly exposing and dissecting our corruption and rebellion. It doesn’t contain any malice toward us at all, and it’s not to condemn and eliminate us—it’s unrelated to our future and fate. But I distortedly believed that being pruned was being condemned, that I’d be dismissed and eliminated. Misunderstanding God that way was denying His righteousness, and blaspheming against Him! The leader pruning me was mainly for my being arrogant and self-righteous and acting willfully, disrupting the church’s work, which was really infuriating. The leader wanted me to make changes as soon as possible to protect the church’s work. Taking a stern tone was the most normal thing in the world, and she wasn’t dismissing me. Those words of pruning got right to the crux of my problems, deviations, and corrupt dispositions and allowed me to see the seriousness of the issue. My heart was so numb and rigid, and without that, I would have totally ignored kind words of advice and kept making the same mistake. Then I’d never make progress in my duty. I’d keep doing evil and disrupting church work. Every time I was pruned, it promptly corrected my deviations and mistakes, stopping my evil in its tracks. That’s what’s truly most helpful for me. Thinking carefully about when I made the most gains in the truth, it came from the times I’d stumbled and fallen, and been pruned. I really felt that pruning is God’s best, most effective method for judging and cleansing us. Being able to experience pruning is God’s grace, and His special favor for me. But I didn’t seek the truth or self-reflect. I just kept living within misunderstandings of God, worried about my future and fate. I was so unreasonable, and didn’t know what was good for me.

I read this passage of God’s words during a gathering once, and it really impacted me. Almighty God says: “If someone is always planning for their own interests and prospects when they perform their duty, and gives no thought to the work of the church or the interests of God’s house, then this is not performing a duty. This is opportunism, it is doing things for their own benefit and to obtain blessings for themselves. In this way, the nature behind performing their duty changes. It is just about making a deal with God, and wanting to use the performance of their duty to achieve their own goals. This way of doing things is very likely to disrupt the work of God’s house. If it only causes minor losses to the church’s work, then there is still room for redemption and they may still be given an opportunity to perform their duty, rather than being cleared out; but if it causes great losses to the church’s work and incurs the wrath of God and people alike, then they will be revealed and eliminated, with no further opportunity to perform their duty. Some people are dismissed and eliminated in this way. Why are they eliminated? Have you found the root cause? The root cause is that they always consider their own gains and losses, get carried away by their own interests, are unable to rebel against the flesh, and don’t have a submissive attitude toward God at all, so they tend to behave recklessly. They believe in God only to obtain profit, grace, and blessings, and not at all to gain the truth, so their belief in God fails. This is the root of the problem. Do you think it is unjust for them to be revealed and eliminated? It is not unjust in the slightest, it is entirely determined by their nature. Anyone who does not love the truth or pursue the truth will eventually be revealed and eliminated” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Seeking the Truth Principles Can One Perform One’s Duty Well). God exposes that if you always consider and plan for your own interests and future in your duty, the nature of what you’re doing has changed, and it’s no longer doing a duty. You’re bound to end up doing evil and disrupting church work, then be dismissed and eliminated. I thought about how I was new to being a leader, didn’t know the principles, and mostly did whatever I pleased. Even after I was pruned, not only did I not repent, but I still kept considering my own future and fate and was afraid of being transferred. I clearly saw problems, but to protect myself, I preferred holding up work over pointing them out. This wasn’t doing a duty; it was compromising church work and doing evil. Some of the people I saw dismissed and eliminated were always protecting their own interests in their duty. After problems cropped up and they were pruned, they didn’t put much effort into truth principles, but just disguised themselves, becoming guarded against God and the leaders. They were constantly worried about being dismissed and eliminated, always living in this vicious cycle. Their relationship with God wasn’t normal and they never got results in their duty. Some even did evil and disrupted church work, ending up revealed and eliminated. I could see from their failures that whether one has a correct motive and starting point in their faith and their duty, and what path they choose, are critical. These directly impact their outcome and destination. My state, my behavior, and the path I was on were all the same as those people. Always afraid of making mistakes in my duty and being pruned, I was timid and guarded against God, rigidly clinging to my own interests and future, but I rarely sought truth principles to solve any problems of mine for which the leader pruned me. If that had gone on longer, not only would I have failed to make progress in my duty, but it would have harmed the work and I would have left behind a transgression. The nature and consequences of that are serious. That wouldn’t be God revealing and eliminating me, but me ruining my own future. At that point, I realized what I most needed to do then wasn’t to worry about whether I’d be dismissed and eliminated, but to put real reflection into issues the leader pointed out, put effort into seeking and considering truth principles, and strive to follow principles in my duty. If I didn’t do well despite giving it my all and was dismissed, then I should still submit to God’s arrangements.

Then I found some more of God’s words to practice and enter into. God’s words say: “Your destination and your fate are very important to you—they are of grave concern. You believe, if you do not do things with great care, it will mean that you cease to have a destination, that you have destroyed your own fate. But has it ever occurred to you that people who expend effort solely for the sake of their destination are toiling in vain? Such efforts are not genuine—they are fakery and deceit. If that is the case, then those who work only for the sake of their destination are on the threshold of their final defeat, for failure in one’s belief in God is caused by deceit. I have previously said that I do not like to be flattered or fawned on, or treated with enthusiasm. I like honest people to face up to My truth and My expectations. Even more, I like it when people are able to show the utmost care and consideration for My heart, and when they are even capable of giving up everything for My sake. Only in this way can My heart be comforted” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. On Destination). “People must approach their duties and God with honest hearts. If they do, they will be people who fear God. What kind of attitude do people with honest hearts have toward God? At the very least, they have a God-fearing heart, a heart of submission to God in all things, they do not ask about blessings or misfortunes, they do not speak about conditions, they leave themselves at the mercy of God’s orchestration—these are people with honest hearts” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Seeking the Truth Principles Can One Perform One’s Duty Well). God says people who always consider their own future and destination in their duty and who only think of their own interests, aren’t genuine toward God, but are using and cheating Him. They disgust God; He hates them. God likes honest people who don’t care about blessings or curses, don’t have conditions, and are genuine in their duty. Only that kind of person gets God’s approval. Once I understood God’s intention, I found a path of practice. In my duty, I had to focus on trying to be an honest person, open my heart to God, and let go of personal gains or losses. When pruned, no matter what the leader’s attitude toward me is, and whether I’d get dismissed or not, I should seek principles to do my duty well—that’s the key. At the time the leader had mainly been pruning me for being arrogant and self-righteous, and doing things however I wanted. If that problem wasn’t addressed, I’d be likely to keep acting that way. So I made a summary of each of the problems that had cropped up, and compared them to principles one by one. If I wasn’t clear on something, I went to fellowship with others. When I encountered something I wasn’t sure about after that, I wasn’t quick to trust myself anymore, and didn’t do things on my own ideas. I prayed to God and quietly sought principles. I also discussed things with co-workers until we reached a consensus. After doing that for a little while, fewer mistakes arose in my duty. When I ran into a challenge that I really couldn’t resolve, I’d seek help from upper leaders. Once when I was making an inquiry, I still felt some uncertainty after an upper leader finished his fellowship. I felt like I still had some questions and I wanted to bring them up, but I was afraid if they weren’t good questions, the leader might say I had poor caliber and lacked insight. Just as I was hesitating, I realized that I was worrying about my own gains and losses again. I started praying to God over and over, ready to practice the truth and be an honest person. Whether I saw the issue accurately or not, I was willing to correct my motives and gain clarity on this aspect of the truth. Eventually, I mustered up the courage to ask my questions. After hearing me out, the leader said those really were issues. He also fellowshipped, “If there’s still anything that’s not clear, that hasn’t been fully addressed, you need to bring it up right away. That will help the church’s work.” Hearing the leader say that, I was really grateful to God, and felt the inner peace that comes with letting go of personal interests and being an honest person.

Through these experiences, I learned how being pruned is really good for us. Being pruned can be difficult in the moment, but now I’m able to handle it appropriately, and I can submit and seek truth principles to resolve my problems. This makes me feel much more at ease.