By Joanne, South Korea

Recently, I noticed that lots of brothers and sisters were writing experiential articles to bear witness to God. I figured that since I’d been a believer for many years, enjoyed the sustenance of God’s words, and had some experiences, I could use some of my devotional time to write an article. But, every time I wrote an opening, I didn’t know what to say next. I’d been through a number of dismissals, failures, and falls, and had been pruned a lot, so I certainly had things to talk about. Why, then, did my mind go blank as soon as I started to write? Two months went by this way, and in the end I never managed to write an article—the whole process seemed too difficult. So, I started to indulge myself, thinking, “The leader knows that I lack caliber and lack ideas. I shouldn’t be too hard on myself. There are lots of things I have to deal with every day, and I can’t settle myself to ponder God’s words. Besides, there are brothers and sisters with good caliber and lots of experiences who can write articles. Let them do it—if I don’t write anything, then it’ll be no great loss.” So, I gave up on the idea of writing an article altogether. Sometimes, some of the other brothers and sisters would message me, reminding me that I could write an article when I had some spare time. But I would just get annoyed by this, to the point where I didn’t even want to respond to their messages. Little by little, I began to stop doing devotionals regularly. I would read God’s words, but I didn’t have the Holy Spirit’s enlightenment, and I couldn’t feel God. Lots of problems came up in my work, one after another, and I was unable to understand and resolve them. I felt under a lot of pressure, and I was really in pain. I prayed to God, asking Him to enlighten me and guide me to an understanding of my issues.

One day, in the course of my devotionals, I read this passage of God’s words: “Pursuing the truth is voluntary. If you love the truth, then the Holy Spirit will work in you. When you love the truth, when you pray to and depend on God, reflect on yourself and try to know yourself no matter what persecution or tribulation befalls you, and when you actively seek the truth to resolve problems that you discover in yourself and are able to perform your duty adequately, you will be capable of standing firm in your testimony. When people love the truth, all of these manifestations come naturally to them. They occur voluntarily, gladly, and without coercion, without any extra conditions attached. If people can follow God in this way, they will ultimately gain the truth and the life, they will enter into the truth reality, and they will live out the image of man. … If you have not gained the truth, then none of the justifications or excuses you make will hold water. Try to reason as you like, tie yourself in knots as you please—will God care? Will God converse with you? Will He debate and confer with you? Will He consult you? What is the answer? No. He absolutely will not. No matter how strong your reasoning is, it won’t stand up. You must not misunderstand God’s intentions, and think that if you offer all sorts of reasons and excuses then you do not need to pursue the truth. God wants you to be able to seek the truth in all environments and in every matter that befalls you, and finally achieve entry into the truth reality and gain the truth. Regardless of what circumstances God has arranged for you, what people and events you encounter, and what environment you find yourself in, you should pray to God and seek the truth in order to face them. These are precisely the lessons you should learn in pursuing the truth. If you always look for excuses to get out of, to evade, to refuse, or to resist these circumstances, then God will give up on you. There is no point in reasoning, or being intractable or difficult—if God does not concern Himself with you, you will lose your chance at salvation. For God, there is no problem that cannot be solved; He has made arrangements for each and every person, and has a way of handling them. God will not discuss with you whether your reasons and excuses are justified. God will not listen to whether the arguments you make in your defense are rational. He will only ask you, ‘Are God’s words the truth? Do you have a corrupt disposition? Ought you pursue the truth?’ You just need to be clear about one fact: God is the truth, you are a corrupt human, so you should take it upon yourself to seek the truth. No problem or difficulty, no reason or excuse will stand—if you do not accept the truth, you shall perish” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (1)). God’s words awakened me immediately. Pursuing the truth is a personal, voluntary matter. I shouldn’t have been searching for every excuse not to write an article or pursue the truth. God wants us to listen to His words and submit to His requirements in every situation and every matter. That’s what I should have been doing. God also says: “The duty of your faith in Me is to bear witness to Me, to be loyal to Me and none other, and to be submissive to the end” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. What Do You Know of Faith?). Exalting God and bearing witness to Him is what He requires of us. It’s our duty. No matter how deep my understanding of the truth was, I had to write out what I’d gained from my faith in order to bear witness to God. But I hadn’t actively sought the truth or put effort into pondering God’s words. Instead, I’d found all sorts of excuses to avoid and resist writing an article. I kept saying that I lacked caliber, that I didn’t have time because I was too busy with work. I thought that it was normal to not write an article. When the others told me I should write one, I’d get annoyed and make excuses. I didn’t even want to respond to their messages. But, now calmly thinking about it, even though I had to keep up with all aspects of my work as a leader, some issues didn’t need to be addressed so urgently. Many of the tasks could be done in my free time. Some of the routine tasks didn’t take that much time to get done. I wasn’t so busy that I didn’t have any time to write an article. My busyness was just an excuse I’d found. I felt that those routine tasks could be done smoothly and easily, and that they didn’t require too much mental effort. However, writing wasn’t my strong suit, so I wanted to avoid it. I even used the excuse that the leader knew I was lacking caliber and ideas to avoid writing. I was really spouting absurd arguments. In fact, writing experiential testimony articles can spur us to put effort into pursuing the truth. By thinking over God’s words and seeking the truth, we can resolve our corrupt dispositions, achieve a principled approach to taking care of things, and perform our duties better. Writing articles to bear witness to God is our responsibility and our duty, and there are no excuses not to do so. God says: “God is the truth, you are a corrupt human, so you should take it upon yourself to seek the truth. No problem or difficulty, no reason or excuse will stand—if you do not accept the truth, you shall perish” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (1)). From God’s words, I realized that being stuck with all these reasons and excuses while not seeking or accepting the truth would utterly destroy me. What a terrifying state to be in! So, I rushed to say a prayer, “God! I understand, now, that I am not someone who accepts the truth. I’ve read so many of Your words and listened to so many sermons and fellowships, but I possess none of the truth reality, and I am unwilling to practice writing a testimony article. I’m so ashamed. Now that I’ve seen my shortcomings and deficiencies, I want to change this incorrect state and strive to meet Your demands.”

Later, I prayed to God, seeking the real reason why I wasn’t pursuing the truth, why I didn’t want to write an article to bear witness to God. As I reflected on this, I read God’s words. Almighty God says: “In their faith in God, many people focus solely on working for God, they are satisfied with merely suffering and paying a price, but they do not pursue the truth at all. As a result, they lack true knowledge of God’s work after believing in Him for ten years, twenty years, thirty years, and they cannot speak about any experience or knowledge of the truth or God’s words. During gatherings, when they try to talk a little about their experiential testimony, they have nothing to say; whether they will be saved or not is a complete unknown to them. What is the problem here? This is how people who do not pursue the truth are. No matter how many years they have been believers, they are incapable of understanding the truth, much less practicing it. How could someone who does not accept the truth at all enter into the truth reality? There are some who cannot see through to this problem. They believe that if people who parrot the words and doctrines practice the truth, they can enter into the truth reality too. Is this correct? People who parrot the words and doctrines are inherently incapable of understanding the truth—so how could they practice it? What they practice appears to not violate the truth, and to be good deeds and good behaviors, but how could those good deeds and good behaviors be called the truth reality? People who do not understand the truth do not know what the truth reality is; they consider people’s good deeds and good behaviors to be the practice of the truth. This is absurd, is it not? How is this any different from the thoughts and views of religious people? And how can such problems of distorted comprehension be resolved? People must first understand the intentions of God from His words, they should know what understanding the truth is, and what practicing the truth is, in order to be able to look at others and discern them for what they really are, and to be able to tell whether or not they possess the truth reality. God’s work and salvation of man is meant to make people understand and practice the truth; only then will people be able to shed their corrupt dispositions, act according to the principles, and enter into the truth reality. If you do not pursue the truth, and are merely satisfied with expending, suffering, and paying a price for God as per your own notions and imaginings, will everything you do represent your practice of the truth and submission to God? Will it prove that you have changed your life disposition? Will it represent that you possess true knowledge of God? No. And so what will everything you do represent? It can only represent your own personal preferences, comprehension, and wishful thinking. It will purely be things that you like to do, that you are willing to do; everything you do merely satisfies your own desires, resolves, and ideals. Clearly, that is not pursuing the truth. None of your actions or behaviors have anything to do with the truth, or with God’s requirements. All of your actions and behaviors are for yourself; you are only working, fighting, and running about for the sake of your own ideals, reputation, and status—this makes you no different from Paul, who toiled and worked all his life solely in order to be rewarded, crowned, and to enter the kingdom of heaven—this shows that you are clearly walking the path of Paul” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (2)). Reading God’s words of judgment and exposure, I wanted the ground to swallow me up. I’d been a believer all these years, and had read so many of God’s words. I’d had some failures and some falls, and I’d been pruned, too. But I hadn’t written any testimony articles at all. I couldn’t express my experiential understanding of the truth or of God’s words because I hadn’t been pursuing the truth. I’d been content to just look like I could suffer and pay a price outwardly, and to do the work I was responsible for well without any mistakes or oversights. In fact, some of the routine work I’d been doing wasn’t very urgent, but I’d been afraid that the others would say I didn’t do real work or resolve real issues. What would I do if the leader found out and dismissed me? At that thought, I’d given up on writing an article and pondering God’s words. Sometimes I got up early and wanted to do some morning devotionals, but when I turned on my computer and saw all sorts of messages that needed a response, I’d give up on devotionals and start responding to those messages, trying to handle all those problems right away. But in reality, not everything needed to be taken care of immediately. If I’d responded later on, when I could afford to put aside some time, nothing would’ve been delayed. But I had busied myself with routine work and given up this time, which should have been spent eating, drinking and pondering God’s words. I’d thought I was being responsible and taking on a burden in my duty, and that I could do real work. But, in fact, I wanted to use my superficial suffering and efforts to gain respect and admiration. How was that doing my duty? I wanted to use my duty to protect my reputation and status, and to fulfill my personal ambitions. I clearly knew that the process of writing an article was also the process of seeking the truth, but I didn’t pursue the truth and I didn’t want to learn how to write an article to bear witness to God. I kept myself busy with various things every day, and even when I could make time, I found all kinds of excuses not to write. Doing my duty without pursuing the truth—wasn’t this just laboring? I thought of God’s words: “None of your actions or behaviors have anything to do with the truth, or with God’s requirements. All of your actions and behaviors are for yourself; you are only working, fighting, and running about for the sake of your own ideals, reputation, and status—this makes you no different from Paul.” Upon reflection, I realized that I was taking the path of Paul. I was only concerned with doing the routine work, the work that I liked, the work that came easily to me. As for the essential work of the church required by God, not only did I not seek the truth, but I became averse to it and avoided it altogether. As a result, though I had believed in God for many years, I did not yet understand the truth. There was some key work that I simply couldn’t get involved with—I could only do these routine tasks. I was only working to satisfy my desire for status. Not only was it causing me to lose out in life, but I was on the path of being an enemy to God. If that went on, then it wouldn’t matter how much work I did—I’d end up being eliminated by God. Realizing this scared me, and I wanted to change this state right away.

I read some of God’s words in my devotionals one day: “The most obvious state of people who are averse to the truth is that they are not interested in the truth and positive things, they are even repulsed by them and loathe them, and they especially like to follow trends. They do not accept in their hearts the things that God loves and what God requires people to do. Instead, they are dismissive and indifferent toward them, and some people even often despise the standards and principles that God requires of man. They are repulsed by positive things, and they always feel resistant, opposed, and full of contempt toward them in their hearts. This is the primary manifestation of being averse to the truth. In church life, reading God’s word, praying, fellowshipping on the truth, performing duties, and resolving problems with the truth are all positive things. They are pleasing to God, but some people are repulsed by these positive things, don’t care for them, and are indifferent to them. … Isn’t this disposition being averse to the truth? Isn’t this the revelation of a corrupt disposition? There are many people who believe in God who like to do work for Him and run around enthusiastically for Him, and when it comes to putting their gifts and strengths to use, indulging their preferences and showing off, they have boundless energy. But if you ask them to practice the truth and act according to the truth principles, it takes the wind from their sails, and they lose their enthusiasm. If they are not allowed to show off, they grow listless and despondent. Why is it that they have energy for showing off? And why is it that they have no energy for practicing the truth? What is the problem here? People all like to distinguish themselves; they all covet empty glory. Everyone has inexhaustible energy when it comes to believing in God for the sake of gaining blessings and rewards, so why do they grow listless, why are they despondent when it comes to practicing the truth and rebelling against the flesh? Why does this happen? It proves that people’s hearts are adulterated. They believe in God entirely for the sake of gaining blessings—to put it plainly, they do so in order to enter the kingdom of heaven. Without blessings or benefits to pursue, people grow listless and despondent, and have no enthusiasm. This is all caused by a corrupt disposition that is averse to the truth” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). Reading God’s words, I understood that I’d been avoiding writing an article and refusing to put effort into pursuing the truth entirely because of my satanic disposition of being averse to the truth. I knew well that God requires us to write articles to bear witness to Him, and if not something profound, I could write something simpler. As long as it’s practical, with experiential understanding, and it’s edifying, that’s fine. God treasures people’s testimonies, and a good testimony on life experience most comforts His heart. So, God hopes that we’ll write our experiences and gains as testimony articles to bear witness to Him. But instead of putting effort into what God requires, I found reasons to dodge and decline it. Wasn’t this revealing a satanic disposition of being averse to the truth? I read another passage of God’s words: “What kind of people, do you think, are those who are averse to the truth? Are they those who resist and oppose God? They might not openly resist God, but their nature essence is to deny and resist God, which is tantamount to openly telling God, ‘I do not like hearing what you say, I do not accept it, and because I do not accept that your words are the truth, I do not believe in you. I believe in whoever is profitable and beneficial to me.’ Is this the attitude of nonbelievers? If this is your attitude toward the truth, are you not being openly hostile to God? And if you are openly hostile to God, will God save you? He won’t. Such is the reason for God’s wrath toward all who deny and resist God. … When a person is averse to the truth, this is undoubtedly fatal to their attaining salvation. This is not something that can or cannot be forgiven, it is not a form of behavior, or something that is fleetingly revealed in them. It is the nature essence of a person, and God is most sickened by such people. If you occasionally reveal the corruption of being averse to the truth, you must examine, based on God’s words, whether these revelations are due to your antipathy toward the truth or from a lack of understanding of the truth. This requires seeking, and it requires God’s enlightenment and help. If your nature essence is such that you are averse to the truth, and you never accept the truth, and are particularly repulsed by it and hostile to it, then there is trouble. You are assuredly an evil person, and God will not save you” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. To Fulfill One’s Duty Well, Understanding the Truth Is Most Crucial). God’s words pierced me right in the heart. Being averse to the truth is openly resisting God, openly being hostile to Him. I’d been verbally praying in the name of Almighty God, eating and drinking the truths He’s expressed, fellowshipping on His words in every gathering, and preaching them to the brothers and sisters. But the way I was acting, the way I was living, wasn’t in line with God’s words. I wasn’t practicing according to His requirements. Instead, I was disgusted with the truth. How was I being someone who accepts and practices the truth? The only way to be saved as a believer is to accept the truth. But I didn’t love the truths that God has expressed. Deep in my heart, I was against God. Just my satanic disposition of being averse to the truth could ruin me. Realizing this, I felt deep regret, and I came before God in prayer, “Oh God! I haven’t focused on writing an article or on trying to pursue the truth. I truly have a nature that is averse to the truth, which disgusts You. I want to repent and do my best to pursue the truth.”

I read more of God’s words after that: “If you really do love the truth in your heart, and it’s just that you are of somewhat low caliber and lacking in insight, a bit foolish, and you often make mistakes, but you do not intend to do evil, and have simply done a few foolish things; if you are willing at heart to hear God’s fellowship on the truth, and you long at heart for the truth; if the attitude you take in your treatment of the truth and God’s words is one of sincerity and longing, and you can treasure and cherish God’s words—this is enough. God likes such people. Even though you may be a bit foolish at times, God still likes you. God loves your heart, which longs for the truth, and He loves your sincere attitude toward the truth. So, God has mercy on you and is always granting grace to you. He does not consider your poor caliber or your foolishness, nor does He consider your transgressions. Because your attitude toward the truth is sincere and eager, and your heart is true, then—considering the trueness of your heart and this attitude of yours—He shall be ever merciful toward you, and the Holy Spirit shall work on you, and you shall have hope of salvation” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. To Fulfill One’s Duty Well, Understanding the Truth Is Most Crucial). God’s words gave me a path of practice. My heart brightened, and I felt a great sense of release. God feels no hatred for people’s poor caliber or their foolishness. As long as they thirst for the truth and treat the truth with an attitude of sincerity, they will have God’s mercy. I noticed that there were other brothers and sisters with average caliber who thirsted for God’s words, and intently pondered and sought the truth to resolve problems when issues arose. They ended up able to write really touching articles about their experiences to bear witness to God. There were others, too, who had joined the faith not long ago yet didn’t run away no matter what difficulties they faced in their duty. Instead, they submitted to God’s sovereignty and arrangements, and leaned on God to seek the truth and overcome hardship. Ultimately they bore touching testimonies. There were also new believers who focused on seeking the truth and reading God’s words to reflect on themselves when they revealed corruptions. The understanding they shared in fellowship was really genuine and practical. God doesn’t care how long someone has had faith, if they’re foolish or with poor caliber; He only cares about whether they pursue the truth, love the truth, thirst for the truth, and whether or not they approach His words with a sincere heart. Poor caliber isn’t fatal. What’s key is whether we have a heart that loves the truth, whether we can accept and practice the truth. God is faithful and righteous, and He doesn’t care whether someone’s caliber is good or poor. As long as we thirst for and strive for the truth, and we practice what we know, we can gain the Holy Spirit’s enlightenment and illumination, and our comprehension capability and ability to view things will improve. I shouldn’t be constrained by having poor caliber or find reasons and excuses to avoid writing an article. I wanted to genuinely eat, drink, and experience God’s words, to put my experiences into an article to bear witness to God.

I read a passage of God’s words later that clarified His intention. Almighty God says: “No path to achieving salvation is more real or practical than accepting and pursuing the truth. If you cannot gain the truth, your belief in God is empty. Those who speak empty words and doctrines, who always parrot slogans, say high-sounding things, follow regulations, and never focus on practicing the truth gain nothing, no matter how many years they believe. Who are the people who gain something? Those who perform their duty sincerely and are willing to practice the truth, who treat what God has entrusted to them as their mission, who gladly spend their whole lives expending for God and do not scheme for their own sakes, whose feet are firmly on the ground and who obey God’s orchestrations. They are able to grasp the truth principles while performing their duty and try hard to do everything properly, allowing them to achieve the effect of testimony to God, and satisfy God’s intentions. When they encounter difficulties while performing their duty, they pray to God and try to fathom God’s intentions, they are able to obey the orchestrations and arrangements that come from God, and in all they do, they seek and practice the truth. They do not parrot slogans or say high-sounding things, but focus only on doing things with their feet firmly on the ground, and on meticulously following principles. They put their heart in everything they do, and learn to appreciate everything with their whole heart, and in many matters, they are able to practice the truth, after which they acquire knowledge and understanding, and they are able to learn lessons and truly gain something. And when they have incorrect thoughts or mistaken states, they pray to God and seek the truth to resolve them; no matter what truths they understand, they have an appreciation of them in their hearts, and are able to speak of their experiential testimony. Such people ultimately gain the truth. Those who are careless and shallow never think about how to practice the truth. They only focus on exerting effort and doing things, and on exhibiting themselves and showing off, but they never seek how to practice the truth, which makes it difficult for them to obtain the truth. Think about it, what kind of people can enter into the truth realities? (Those with their feet on the ground, who are pragmatic and put their heart into things.) People with their feet on the ground, who put their heart into things, and have a heart: such people pay more attention to reality and to the usage of the truth principles when they act. Also, in all things they pay attention to practicalities, they are pragmatic, and they like positive things, the truth, and practical things. It is people like this who ultimately understand and gain the truth” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. In Believing in God, What Is Most Important Is to Practice and Experience His Words). I learned from God’s words that those who pursue the truth focus on putting effort into His words, pondering and practicing them regularly. They can seek the truth and learn lessons from the people, events, and things around them, and reap rewards from their experiences. Writing an article is a good way to prompt us to come before God, ponder His words, and seek the truth. Once I understood God’s intention I felt a burden, and I felt motivated to write an article. I knew that I should do this duty well to comfort God’s heart, and that through it I could further seek the truth and achieve progress in life.

After that, I started planning out every day’s work, and determining what time I’d use for which issue, according to its urgency. Whenever I had time I’d eat and drink God’s words and work on an article. When I first started, my writing was quite superficial when it came to an understanding and knowledge of God’s words. I wanted to give up and stop writing at that point, and I didn’t want to ponder God’s words anymore. So I prayed to God, “God! I don’t want to give up. I want to put thought into Your words, and to write as much as I know. I don’t want to live by my corrupt disposition. I want to use the enlightenment and illumination You provide to write in testimony to You.” I felt a lot calmer after that prayer. When I settled down and thought about my own state and God’s words, I would make a note of any light I had. Like this, whenever I had time, I would ponder a passage of God’s words and write out my understanding. When I was done, and I saw some parts weren’t too clear, I did my best to edit them. The more I wrote, the more clarity I had, and the better I saw my own state. My understanding of the truth also became increasingly practical. I felt really fulfilled with this kind of practice.