By Yu Ming, China

In 2012, when I was a church leader, Zheng Xin drew in and misled some brothers and sisters so that he could contend for the leadership position, judging me as a false leader and calling for my removal, which led to chaos within the church. At that time, Wang Chen noticed what was happening and promptly reported it to me, and together, we fellowshipped with the brothers and sisters to discern and dissect the nature of Zheng Xin’s actions. The brothers and sisters discerned Zheng Xin, and the chaos within the church finally subsided. From that moment on, I was grateful to Wang Chen. Without his help in bringing an end to the chaos, I really might have been suppressed and tormented, been ousted from my role, and lost my duty. In 2019, my wife and I were pursued by the police and couldn’t interact with the brothers and sisters, losing touch with the church. It wasn’t until 2021 that the brothers and sisters got in touch with me and transferred me to another church. The church leader who came to pick us up at the time was none other than Wang Chen, and he arranged for us to attend gatherings and start doing our duties. My gratitude for him deepened even further, and I felt that he had shown favor toward me. I regarded him as family, thinking to myself, “I don’t know how I can thank him for this. I must properly repay him when I get the chance.”

Later on, I was chosen as a church leader and was partnered with Wang Chen and Chen Mo. After a while, I noticed that Wang Chen was always over-analyzing people and things and fond of stirring up trouble. He clashed with Chen Mo and never reflected on or tried to know himself, and he even spread his prejudices toward and dissatisfaction with Chen Mo during gatherings, causing the brothers and sisters to get caught up in the dispute, take his side, and judge Chen Mo. Moreover, he never practiced the truth, always interacting with others based on philosophies for worldly dealings. When the brothers and sisters faced difficulties in their duties, he didn’t fellowship on the truth to resolve them, instead always considering their flesh and telling them not to be too hard on themselves, which caused them to indulge and accommodate their weaknesses. I also noticed that Wang Chen rarely asked about or checked up on the work, and he didn’t resolve issues when he discovered them. If newcomers couldn’t attend gatherings, he paid them no mind. He didn’t properly arrange gospel spreaders, and to deal with the upper-level leaders, he resorted to trickery and lied to his superiors while hiding things from those below him. When the brothers and sisters pointed out his issues, he didn’t accept them, making various excuses and trying to justify himself. He even spread negativity among the brothers and sisters, saying that he had suffered a lot in his duty over the years and gained nothing, and that it might be better not to believe in God and instead enjoy a worldly life of the flesh. At that time, some of the new believers were unable to discern him and were misled, no longer wanting to do their duties. During that period, Wang Chen continuously disturbed the church life, affecting all brothers and sisters in their duties. At that time, the upper-level leaders realized that Wang Chen was a false leader who didn’t do real work and prepared to dismiss him. But through my interactions with Wang Chen, I realized that he was not just a false leader but also a disbeliever. His issues were serious, and he needed to be quickly dismissed and cleared out, or else he would continue to disturb the church life. I thought about reporting his disbelieving behaviors to the upper-level leaders. But then, memories of Wang Chen helping me calm the church chaos and arranging my duty flooded my mind, making me hesitate in my heart, thinking, “If I report his problems, will he accuse me of not having a conscience and being ungrateful?” Thinking of this made my heart unable to find peace for a long while. If he were truly cleared out, it would mean the end of his faith journey, and he would surely resent me! I was really conflicted, and I couldn’t bring myself to write the report. I thought, “Maybe I should help him again? If he can change somewhat and stop causing disruptions and disturbances, maybe he won’t need to be cleared out?” With these thoughts, I refrained from reporting Wang Chen’s issues. When I saw Wang Chen again, I fellowshipped on God’s word with him, urging him to reflect on and try to know himself more when things happened to him. But no matter how I fellowshipped, he didn’t take it seriously and continued to disturb the church as he did before, preventing the brothers and sisters from having normal church lives and affecting their life entry. I felt awful and blamed myself, thinking, “How could I be so muddleheaded? Why can’t I stand on God’s side and protect the work of the church?” It was then that I began to seek the truth and reflect on myself.

One day, I came across a passage of God’s words: “What characterizes feelings? Certainly not anything positive. It is a focus on physical relationships and satisfying the predilections of the flesh. Favoritism, defending other people’s shortcomings, doting, pampering, and indulging all fall under feelings. Some people place great stock in feelings, they react to whatever happens to them based on their feelings; in their hearts, they know full well this is wrong, and yet are still incapable of being objective, much less of acting according to principle. When people are always constrained by feelings, are they capable of practicing the truth? This is extremely difficult! Many people’s inability to practice the truth comes down to feelings; they regard feelings as especially important, they put them in the first place. Are they people who love the truth? Certainly not. What are feelings, in essence? They are a kind of corrupt disposition. The manifestations of feelings can be described using several words: favoritism, unprincipled protection of others, maintenance of physical relationships, and partiality; these are what feelings are” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. What Is the Truth Reality?). After reading God’s words, I had an awakening. During this time, I had been living in my feelings and acting without principles. I had clearly realized that Wang Chen was not only a false leader who didn’t do any real work, but also a disbeliever. I should have exposed his behaviors to the upper-level leaders. However, I kept thinking about the favor he had shown me and caring about our so-called friendship, and so I didn’t report his issues, allowing him to continue doing evil in the church and disturbing the church life. I was acting based on feelings, shielding and covering for him. By wanting to keep a disbeliever in the church, I was colluding with Satan and becoming its accomplice. I was indeed doing evil! The great red dragon arrests, persecutes, and disturbs the church’s work, and here I was shielding a disbeliever within the church, doing what the great red dragon wanted to do but couldn’t. Wasn’t this rebelling against God and going against Him? I was acting as Satan’s shield! Through what the facts revealed, I finally saw how I was living based on feelings, unable to distinguish right from wrong or good from evil, devoid of any sense of justice and letting a disbeliever disturb the church life. I had been too rebellious against God! I remembered that God said: “Feelings are His enemy” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Interpretations of the Mysteries of “God’s Words to the Entire Universe,” Chapter 28). I felt deep remorse and self-reproach, and I decided to report Wang Chen’s issues to the upper-level leaders.

A few days later, when the upper-level leaders came to dismiss Wang Chen, I reported his situation. After verification, they found that Wang Chen was indeed a disbeliever, and they asked me to write down his behaviors to help compile his materials for being cleared out. When I thought of Wang Chen being cleared out, I couldn’t help but remember all the times he had helped me in the past, and I thought, “He showed favor toward me, and now I’m about to write an evaluation to have him cleared out. If he hears about this, will he accuse me of repaying kindness with enmity and not having a conscience? How will I face him afterward?” But when I thought of his manifestations of being a disbeliever, my awareness of conscience told me I ought to stick to the principles and write down his behaviors. However, I couldn’t get over this inner hurdle and felt I was in a dilemma. The more I thought about it, the more pain I felt, and I felt a darkness and dejection within. And so, after procrastinating more than 10 days, I still hadn’t written about Wang Chen’s behaviors. During this period, I suffered from a severe toothache, and sometimes it hurt so much that I’d start sweating. I didn’t dare to eat and was unable to sleep. I realized that this might be God’s discipline, and I prayed to God: “God, Wang Chen is a disbeliever, and I should write down his behaviors and clear him out according to the principles. But when I think of the favor he showed toward me, I don’t want to write. My heart is too intransigent, too rebellious! God, I want to return to You. Please enlighten me and guide me to know myself, to stick to the principles, and to protect the interests of the church.”

Afterward, I was constantly reflecting, thinking, “What was it that kept me from sticking to the principles and protecting the church’s interests?” During a gathering, I found the answer in God’s words. Almighty God says: “In the depths of people’s hearts, there are still many notions and imaginings, various thoughts, views, and poisons of traditional culture, and many things that are hostile to God. These things are hidden inside of them, yet to be unearthed. They are the origin of the revelations of their corrupt dispositions, and they come from within man’s nature essence. That is why, when God does something that does not line up with your notions, you will resist Him and oppose Him. You will not understand why God has acted so, and though you know there is truth in everything God does and you wish to submit, you will find yourself unable to do so. Why are you unable to submit? What is the reason for your opposition and resistance? It is because there are many things within man’s thoughts and views that are hostile to God, hostile to the principles by which God acts and hostile to His essence. These things are difficult for people to gain knowledge of” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Recognizing One’s Own Misguided Views Can One Truly Transform). “I’m saying all this to make people realize that the root and essence of man’s rebellious nature comes primarily from people’s thoughts and views, which are formed by the education they receive from family and society, as well as from traditional culture. After these things are deeply planted in people’s hearts bit by bit, through family convention, or the influence of society and academic education, then people start to live by them. They’ll unconsciously start to believe that this traditional culture is correct, irreproachable, and cannot be criticized, and that only by acting according to the demands of traditional culture can they be real people. If they don’t, they’ll feel they’re devoid of conscience, contrary to and without any humanity, and they won’t be able to come to terms with it. Are these human thoughts and views not far removed from the truth? The things in human thoughts and views, and the goals people pursue, are all directed toward the world, toward Satan. God’s requirement for man to pursue the truth is directed toward God, toward the light. These are two different directions, two different goals. Act according to God’s goals and requirements of man and your humanity will become more normal, you will have more of a human likeness, and you will get closer to God. If you act according to the thoughts and views of traditional culture, you will lose more and more of your conscience and reason, become even more false and fake, follow the trends of the world even more, and become part of the forces of evil. Then you will be living completely in darkness, under the power of Satan. You will have entirely violated the truth and betrayed God” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Recognizing One’s Own Misguided Views Can One Truly Transform). God’s words brought me clarity. I realized that I’d acted based on feelings and didn’t want to document Wang Chen’s behaviors for fear that he’d be cleared out mainly because I’d been bound and restrained by the ideas and viewpoints Satan had instilled in me, such as “One must be loyal,” “One cannot be callous and ungrateful,” “A kindness received should be gratefully repaid” and so on. Controlled by these ideas and viewpoints, I always put people’s kindness first, even seeing it as more important than practicing the truth and the interests of the church. When I considered reporting Wang Chen’s manifestations of being a disbeliever, I couldn’t keep myself from remembering how he’d helped me in the past, thinking that reporting his behaviors was heartless and ungrateful and that I would be despised by others. Constrained by these ideas and viewpoints, I was never able to practice the truth or stand by the principles. Even when the leaders asked me to write down Wang Chen’s behaviors, I hesitated because of the favor he had shown me, allowing him to continue doing evil and disturbing the brothers and sisters in the church. The church is a place for the brothers and sisters to do their duties and pursue the truth. Only by promptly clearing out disbelievers from the church can the church life of the brothers and sisters be safeguarded. Writing about Wang Chen’s manifestations of being a disbeliever was practicing the truth and a positive thing, but I perceived it as betrayal and not having a conscience. I really couldn’t distinguish good from evil or understand what to love and what to hate, and I didn’t have any principles or stance at all. If I had promptly reported Wang Chen’s problems, he might have been cleared out of the church sooner, but because I didn’t practice the truth and shielded him, it led to him continuing to disrupt and disturb the church, which brought losses to the brothers and sisters’ life entry and also delayed the church’s work. As a leader, not only did I fail to consider the lives of the brothers and sisters or protect the church’s interests, but I also covered for Wang Chen based on feelings, showing loyalty and conscience to a disbeliever. I was biting the hand that fed me and offering help to an outsider, playing the role of Satan’s lackey. Before, I had lived by the ideas and viewpoints that Satan had instilled in me, thinking I was being noble and loyal. Only now did I realize that these ideas and viewpoints are in opposition to God. They’d prevented me from practicing the truth, costing me my conscience and reason and stripping away my humanity. Living by these ideas and viewpoints, I could only do evil, resist God, and make God spurn and eliminate me. If it weren’t for God’s timely discipline in having me fall ill, I wouldn’t have thought to reflect on myself. I couldn’t continue rebelling anymore; I had to quickly return to God.

I read another passage of God’s words that helped me change my fallacious views somewhat. Almighty God says: “At times, God will use Satan’s services to help people, but we must be sure to thank God in such cases and not repay kindness to Satan—this is a question of principle. When temptation comes in the form of an evil person bestowing kindness, you must first be clear about exactly who is helping you out and providing assistance, what your own situation is, and whether there are other paths you can take. You must deal with such cases in a flexible way. If God wants to save you, no matter whose services He uses to accomplish it, you should first thank God and accept it from God. You should not direct your gratitude solely toward people, to say nothing of offering up your life to someone in gratitude. This is a grave mistake. The crucial thing is that your heart is grateful to God, and you accept it from Him” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (7)). After reading God’s words, I finally understood that I had always seen Wang Chen’s help as human kindness. I hadn’t accepted this from God, recognized His sovereignty, or thought about how to repay God’s love. I was truly so muddleheaded! During the chaos in the church, Wang Chen helped me calm things down and later arranged a suitable duty for me. This was the duty and responsibility he ought to fulfill; it didn’t amount to kindness. Moreover, all this was orchestrated and arranged by God. I should have accepted this from God, thanked Him, and repaid God’s love, but I regarded God’s love for and protection of man as human kindness. I was so blind. Realizing this, I felt deep remorse, and I prayed to God, willing to repent and practice the truth to satisfy God.

Later, I found the principles of practice in God’s words and came to understand what constitutes a person with truly good humanity. Almighty God says: “There must be a standard for having good humanity. It does not involve taking the path of moderation, not sticking to principles, endeavoring not to offend anyone, currying favor everywhere you go, being smooth and slick with everyone you meet, and making everyone speak well of you. This is not the standard. So, what is the standard? It is being able to submit to God and the truth. It is approaching one’s duty and all manner of people, events, and things with principles and a sense of responsibility. This is plain for all to see; everyone is clear about this in their heart. Moreover, God scrutinizes people’s hearts and knows their situation, each and every one; no matter who they are, no one can fool God. Some people always boast that they possess good humanity, that they never speak ill of others, never harm anyone else’s interests, and they claim never to have coveted other people’s property. When there is a dispute over interests, they even prefer to suffer loss than take advantage of others, and everyone else thinks they are good people. However, when performing their duties in God’s house, they are wily and slippery, always scheming for themselves. Never do they think of the interests of God’s house, never do they treat as urgent the things God treats as urgent or think as God thinks, and never can they set aside their own interests so as to perform their duties. They never forsake their own interests. Even when they see evil people committing evil, they do not expose them; they have no principles whatsoever. What kind of humanity is this? It is not good humanity. Pay no attention to what such people say; you must see what they live out, what they reveal, and what their attitude is when they perform their duties, as well as what their internal state is and what they love. If their love of their own fame and gain exceeds their loyalty to God, if their love of their own fame and gain exceeds the interests of God’s house, or if their love of their own fame and gain exceeds the consideration they show for God, then are such people possessed of humanity? They are not people with humanity. Their behavior can be seen by others and by God. It is very difficult for such people to gain the truth” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. In Giving One’s Heart to God, One Can Obtain the Truth). Previously, I always thought that those who repaid kindness and who valued loyalty were people with good humanity. Only after reading God’s words did I realize that my view on things was quite absurd. A person of truly good humanity is one who shares in God’s thoughts and concerns, has an honest heart, is an upright person, loves positive things, possesses a sense of justice, and can uphold the truth principles and understand what to love and what to hate. As for me, in an attempt to preserve my good image as a loyal person in the eyes of others, I didn’t hesitate to harm the church’s interests. I’d preferred to watch Wang Chen disturb church life and obstruct brothers and sisters’ performance of duty rather than have him cleared out. How could I be called a person with good humanity? I was simply a person without humanity, someone selfish and despicable. Having realized this, I no longer thought that I had good humanity. Then, I came across another passage of God’s words and gained some paths to practice. Almighty God says: “By what principle do God’s words ask that people treat others? Love what God loves, and hate what God hates: This is the principle that should be adhered to. God loves those who pursue the truth and are able to follow His will; these are also the people that we should love. Those who are not able to follow God’s will, who hate and rebel against God—these people are detested by God, and we should detest them, too. This is what God asks of man” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only by Recognizing One’s Own Misguided Views Can One Truly Transform). Reading God’s words, I gained some understanding of His intention. God requires that people love what He loves and hate what He hates, that people take His side when things happen and uphold the truth principles. With brothers and sisters who sincerely believe in God and pursue the truth, when someone sees problems in their duties, they should fellowship with them on the truth and support them with love and practice pruning them when necessary. As for the evil people, disbelievers, and antichrists, one should practice exposing and reporting them, shunning and rejecting them. Only such practices are in line with God’s intention. Now that Wang Chen had been revealed as a disbeliever and someone of Satan’s ilk, keeping him in the church would only disturb the church’s work. I couldn’t act based on feelings any longer; I had to put his disbelieving behaviors into writing and clear him out of the church as soon as possible. Afterward, I prayed to God: “God, You have shown me such favor and given me the opportunity to be a leader, yet I have not protected the church’s interests in the slightest. I am willing to repent to You, to practice the truth and protect the church’s work.” After praying, I put Wang Chen’s behaviors into writing. Upon investigation, the upper-level leaders found out that Wang Chen was indeed a disbeliever and cleared him out of the church. Seeing this outcome, my heart was at peace and happy, for I was finally able to practice the truth and consider God’s intention.

Later, when the upper-level leaders analyzed the reasons for our poor work results, I was again reminded of all the times when I did not protect the church’s work. As a church leader, acting based on feelings and allowing a disbeliever to remain in the church, causing a disturbance to the church life, was a transgression before God and a stain. As a church leader, I had failed to fulfill even my own duty and responsibility. Thinking of this, I felt guilty and blamed myself, thinking I was unworthy of being a church leader, and so I told the upper-level leaders that I was going to resign. After hearing this, the upper-level leader fellowshipped with me, saying, “God judges and exposes people to cleanse them of the satanic disposition within them that resists God, to let them have genuine repentance. This is God’s earnest intention; do not misunderstand Him.” I felt truly grateful to God. When I was intransigent and rebellious, God had disciplined me through illness so that I could self-reflect, and now, once I’d shown some desire to repent, God had shown mercy on me, giving me the chance to continue doing my duty. I was deeply moved by this.

Through this experience, I have come to see that many of my views on things are not in line with the truth, and that I am in dire need of God’s judgment and purification. During my future experiences, I wish to practice the truth more, pursue being a person who submits to God, and do my duty well.