By Rosemary, Taiwan

When I was at school, I noticed that some of my classmates were pretty outspoken. When they saw others were wrong, they’d just come out and say so, which would often offend people and get themselves ostracized. I thought: “Aren’t these people a little bit dense? As the sayings go, ‘Keeping silent on the faults of good friends makes for a long and good friendship,’ and ‘If you strike others, don’t strike them in the face; if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcomings.’ See everything, but don’t broach everything, this way, a person can fit in with the crowd. If you’re too direct, even if you have no bad intentions, people will dislike and reject you. How can you make friends that way?” So I’d never directly point out others’ problems when interacting with them. My classmates all liked to be friends with me, saying I was easy to get along with and nice, and I thought I had pretty good humanity. Once I had faith in God, I interacted with the brothers and sisters this way too. I didn’t point out others’ issues when I noticed them. I always felt being too direct would make people uncomfortable, that they’d think I was targeting them and trying to deliberately expose their shortcomings, and that this would destroy our relationship. It wasn’t until I experienced being revealed and read God’s word that I saw the way I interacted with others was against the truth and resistant to God.

It was 2015, and I was partnered with Leslie on video work. She’d been in the faith longer than me and was also older than me. We were polite toward each other, got along pretty well, and had almost no conflict. Later on, I was elected supervisor. One time, the others reported that Leslie was being perfunctory, devious, and slippery in her duty, and that she was holding up work. I felt that her problem was pretty serious, so I spoke with my partnered sisters about needing to point out and expose Leslie’s problems so that she could reflect, know herself, repent, and change. My sisters agreed and asked who should go fellowship with Leslie. I stood there saying nothing, not wanting to stick my neck out to resolve the problem. I thought: “If I point out her problems, will she think I’m intentionally targeting her? How would we get along after that?” To my surprise, everyone suggested that I go fellowship with Leslie. I really wanted to run away, but I knew that if I didn’t point out her problems, church work would keep being impacted. So in the end, I just had to grit my teeth and go do it. At the time, I took some time to build myself up mentally, encouraging myself to point out her problems. I kept rehearsing what I was going to say to her in my head, from start to finish. But when I saw her, I felt like I had butterflies in my stomach. I felt like I was being choked, and I just couldn’t get the words out. So I asked her in a gentle tone, “Has your state been good lately? Have you had any difficulties? Why have you been so slow in making videos?” Leslie responded that she’d been worried about her son not going to school, so her work was delayed. I thought: “She says she’s having difficulties. If I expose her for being perfunctory, devious, and slippery in her duty, will she think I’m being too harsh and that I’m targeting her? If our relationship falls apart, it’ll be a lot more uncomfortable between us.” At that thought, I didn’t point out her problems. I just gave her a few words of comfort and briefly went over the state of her duty.

Since she didn’t have any real self-knowledge, she kept being perfunctory in her duty, and there were lots of problems in her videos. I realized Leslie’s problems were pretty serious, and she’d have to be dismissed if she didn’t make changes. Therefore, I went to fellowship with her again. I thought that this time I would definitely point out her problems. But as soon as I sat down, the words were stuck in my mouth again. I kept thinking of how to tell her in a way that wouldn’t make her uncomfortable while still making her aware of her problems, without having her develop a bias against me and think I was targeting her. After considering for a while, I asked her tactfully, “Why are you always perfunctory in your duty?” Leslie then told me that sometimes she gave in to her fleshly fondness for reading novels, and neglected her duty. She got so upset she burst into tears as she said this. I thought: “She’s having such a hard time. If I expose that she’s being devious and slippery in her duty, will she be able to take it? Best to say nothing. In any case, she’s admitted her problem and should improve a bit in the future.” So I expressed understanding toward her state and even encouraged her to put more effort into her duty. After that, she remained unrepentant, her perfunctory approach became worse and worse, and she ended up being dismissed. When this happened, I didn’t reflect on what lessons I should learn.

Later on, I read a passage of God’s word which gave me some understanding of my state. Almighty God says: “People’s conduct and ways of dealing with the world must be based on the words of God; this is the most basic principle for human conduct. How can people practice the truth if they do not understand the principles of human conduct? Practicing the truth is not about saying empty words or shouting slogans. Rather it is about how, no matter what people encounter in life, as long as it involves the principles of human conduct, their perspectives on things, or the matter of performing their duties, they are faced with making a choice, and they should seek the truth, search for a basis and principles in God’s words, and then find a path of practice. Those who can practice in this way are people who pursue the truth. To be able to pursue the truth in this way no matter how great the difficulties one encounters is to walk the path of Peter, the path of pursuing the truth. For example: What principle should be followed when it comes to interacting with others? Perhaps your original viewpoint is that ‘Harmony is a treasure; forbearance is brilliance,’ and that you should keep on everyone’s good side, avoid causing others to lose face, and offend no one, thereby achieving good relations with others. Constricted by this viewpoint, you keep silent when you witness others doing bad things or violating the principles. You would rather that the work of the church suffers losses than offend anyone. You seek to stay on everyone’s good side, no matter who they are. You think only about human sentiments and saving face when you speak, and you always speak nice-sounding words to please others. Even if you discover that someone has problems, you choose to tolerate them, and just talk about them behind their back, but to their face you keep the peace and maintain your relationship. What do you think of such conduct? Is it not that of a people pleaser? Is it not pretty slippery? It violates the principles of human conduct. Is it not lowly to conduct yourself in such a manner? Those who act like this are not good people, this is not a noble way to conduct oneself. No matter how much you have suffered, and no matter how many prices you have paid, if you conduct yourself without principles, then you have failed in this respect, and your conduct will not be recognized, remembered, or accepted before God” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. To Perform One’s Duty Well, One Must at Least Be Possessed of a Conscience and Reason). God’s words made it clear to me that no matter what happens in my life, as long as it involves principles of conduct or outlooks on things, I should always seek the truth principles. All along, I hadn’t dared to point out brothers’ and sisters’ problems, and I thought there was nothing wrong with that. I thought as long as we were getting along well and not arguing, all was good. I read that God says: “No matter how much you have suffered, and no matter how many prices you have paid, if you conduct yourself without principles, then you have failed in this respect, and your conduct will not be recognized, remembered, or accepted before God.” These words really moved me. It may have seemed like I wasn’t doing anything evil on the outside, but I was always afraid of offending people and never dared to honestly point out others’ problems. Even if I saw a problem, I would just be angry inside, but still be all smiles with them, resulting in problems being unresolved that should have been solved, and church work suffering losses. God says that kind of person is sly, and unprincipled in their conduct. I reflected on how I’d handled the incident with Leslie. I was well aware that she was being devious and slippery in her duty and badly impacting progress, but I was scared of making her unhappy if I was too direct. She might think I was too harsh, and develop a bias against me. I was also afraid she’d not accept it and pull a long face, which would make things awkward between us in the future. Wanting to protect our relationship, I was too scared to say anything to expose or prune her. I saw her problem of being perfunctory becoming worse and I was angry, but in fellowship with her, I was scared of antagonizing her, so I didn’t dare mention or expose her problem. I just said a few harmless things that skimmed over the topic, and even comforted her, despite how I felt. As a supervisor, not exposing or resolving the problems I found meant I was being irresponsible and seriously negligent. I’d been playing the “nice guy” around others all along, thinking that being considerate and understanding was being a good person. It was only when the facts were revealed that I fully changed how I viewed myself. I noticed Leslie’s problem but did not point it out and help her. As a result, she could not see the essence or consequences of her issue, her life suffered, and the church’s work was delayed. I’d been so selfish, despicable, slippery, and deceitful. How could I say I had good humanity?

In a gathering, I read God’s word’s dissection of “If you strike others, don’t strike them in the face; if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcomings,” and “Keeping silent on the faults of good friends makes for a long and good friendship.” I then knew that I’d been unwilling to point out others’ problems because I’d been influenced by these ideas. Almighty God says: “There is a tenet in philosophies for worldly dealings that says, ‘Keeping silent on the faults of good friends makes for a long and good friendship.’ It means that in order to preserve a friendly relationship, one must keep silent about their friend’s problems, even if they see them clearly—that they should abide by the principles of not striking people in the face or calling out their shortcomings. They are to deceive each other, hide from each other, engage in intrigue with each other; and though they know with crystal clarity what sort of person the other is, they do not say it outright, but employ cunning methods to preserve their friendly relationship. Why would one want to preserve such relationships? It is about not wanting to make enemies in this society, within one’s group, which would mean subjecting oneself often to dangerous situations. Knowing someone will become your enemy and harm you after you have called out their shortcomings or hurt them, and not wishing to put yourself in such a situation, you employ the tenet of philosophies for worldly dealings that runs, ‘If you strike others, don’t strike them in the face; if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcomings.’ In light of this, if two people are in such a relationship, do they count as true friends? (No.) They are not true friends, much less each other’s confidant. So, what sort of relationship is this, exactly? Is it not a fundamental social relationship? (It is.) In such social relationships, people cannot offer their feelings, nor have deep exchanges, nor speak about whatever they wish. They cannot say out loud what is in their heart, or the problems they see in the other, or words that would benefit the other. Instead, they pick nice things to say, to keep the other’s favor. They dare not speak the truth or uphold the principles, lest it give rise to animosity toward them in others. When no one is threatening to someone, does that person not live in relative ease and peace? Is this not people’s goal in promoting the saying, ‘If you strike others, don’t strike them in the face; if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcomings’? (It is.) Clearly, this is a cunning, deceptive way of existence with an element of defensiveness, whose goal is self-preservation. People who live like this have no confidants, no close friends with whom they can say whatever they like. They are defensive with each other, and calculating, and strategic, each taking what they need from the relationship. Is this not so? At its root, the goal of ‘If you strike others, don’t strike them in the face; if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcomings’ is to keep from offending others and making enemies, to protect oneself by not causing hurt to anyone. It is a technique and method one adopts to keep themselves from being hurt. Looking at these several facets of its essence, is the demand of people’s moral conduct ‘If you strike others, don’t strike them in the face; if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcomings’ a noble one? Is it a positive one? (No.) Then, what does it teach people? That you must not upset or hurt anyone, otherwise, you are the one who will end up getting hurt; and also, that you should not trust anyone. If you hurt any one of your good friends, the friendship will quietly start to change: They will go from being your good, close friend to a stranger or an enemy. What problems can it resolve, teaching people to act so? Even if, by acting in this way, you do not make enemies and even lose a few, will this make people admire and approve of you, and always keep you as a friend? Does this fully achieve the standard for moral conduct? At the very best, this is no more than a philosophy for worldly dealings” (The Word, Vol. 6. On the Pursuit of the Truth I. What It Means to Pursue the Truth (8)). When God dissected the impact of the philosophies for worldly dealings, “If you strike others, don’t strike them in the face; if you call others out, don’t call out their shortcomings,” and “Keeping silent on the faults of good friends makes for a long and good friendship,” I felt like He was right in front of me, exposing me. Living by these philosophies, my words and actions only served to protect me. No matter who I found myself with, I always held to the principle of never antagonizing or offending anyone. When I was in school, I saw people who were blunt being ostracized, so I thought that to get along with others, you must never say how you really felt, and even if you see their problems, you must never bring them up and offend them. That way, people would like you and you would fit in easily. Even after believing in God, I still followed those philosophies when interacting with brothers and sisters. To avoid being disliked or hurting feelings, when it came to exposing or doing anything that might offend others, I’d take a back seat or mention it to my partnered brothers and sisters to let them handle it. Sometimes when I had to give fellowship, I’d just say some inconsequential things that fit the situation, meaning a lot of problems didn’t get resolved in time. I held the philosophies for worldly dealings, like “One more friend means one more path; one more enemy means one more obstacle” and “Keeping silent on the faults of good friends makes for a long and good friendship,” to be the criteria for conducting myself. I never told anyone what I was really thinking, and I became more and more hypocritical and deceitful. I’d think to myself that maintaining good relations and getting along with everyone would make people like me, then I’d easily gain others’ approval. If one day I said or did something against principles, people would let me off the hook and allow me to save face. I saw that I was unprincipled in my interactions. I just wanted to keep everyone happy and smiling, and for nobody to expose anyone’s shortcomings so I would never lose face and could maintain my status and image. Wasn’t I trying to win people over and use them? I might have seemed personable, affable, and empathetic, but behind it all, I was pursuing my own unspoken ends. I was truly evil! Thinking back on the matter of Leslie, it was clear to me that she was devious and slippery in her duty, but to avoid antagonizing her, I didn’t point out or expose her problems, impacting work progress. Not only was I harming her by interacting that way, but I was also delaying church work. God has always fellowshipped that we should view people and things, and behave and act according to God’s words, with the truth as our criterion. But in everyday life, I was living by satanic philosophies, always constrained in my speech and actions. I was unable to fellowship or help others normally, and even less able to fulfill the responsibilities of a leader. I didn’t consider how to speak in a way that would edify others or how to protect the church’s work. I even watched as the church’s work was harmed and played the nice guy despite my feelings. I was sacrificing the church’s interests for the sake of my own. I was so hypocritical and lacking in humanity! If I went on like that, I’d be hated and detested by God and disdained and rejected by others. I prayed to God, “Oh God, I see the church’s work being harmed but I always play the nice guy. I’m not protecting the church’s interests and that must disgust You so much. Oh God, I want to repent. Please guide me to resolve this problem of mine. I want to be a person with a sense of justice that protects the church’s work.”

During my spiritual devotion, I read more of God’s word: “When something befalls you, you live by philosophies for worldly dealings, and do not practice the truth. You are always afraid of offending others, but not of offending God, and will even sacrifice the interests of God’s house to protect your interpersonal relationships. What are the consequences of acting in this way? You will have protected your interpersonal relationships quite well, but you will have offended God, and He will spurn you, and be angry with you. Which is better, on balance? If you cannot tell, then you are completely muddled; it proves that you do not have the slightest understanding of the truth. If you go on like that without ever waking up to it, the danger is great indeed, and if you are unable to attain the truth in the end, it will be you who has suffered a loss. If you do not seek the truth in this matter, and you fail, will you be able to seek the truth in the future? If you still cannot, it will no longer be an issue of suffering a loss—you will ultimately be eliminated. If you have the motivations and perspective of a people pleaser, then, in all matters, you will be incapable of practicing the truth and abiding by principle, and you will always fail and fall down. If you do not awaken and do not ever seek the truth, then you are a disbeliever, and you will never gain the truth and life. What, then, should you do? When faced with such things, you must pray to God and call out to Him, begging for salvation and asking that He give you more faith and strength and enable you to abide by the principles, do what you should do, handle things according to the principles, stand firm in the position you should stand in, protect the interests of God’s house, and prevent any harm from coming to the work of God’s house. If you are able to rebel against your self-interests, your pride, and your standpoint of a people pleaser, and if you do what you should do with an honest, undivided heart, then you will have defeated Satan and gained this aspect of the truth. If you always persist in living by the philosophy of Satan, protecting your relationships with others, never practicing the truth, and not daring to abide by the principles, then will you be able to practice the truth in other matters? You will still have no faith or strength. If you are never able to seek or accept the truth, then will such faith in God allow you to obtain the truth? (No.) And if you cannot obtain the truth, can you be saved? You cannot. If you always live by the philosophy of Satan, utterly devoid of the truth reality, then you can never be saved” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). God’s word made it clear to me that my principles had always been to maintain relationships and never make enemies, instead of practicing God’s word. When I saw something that didn’t align with the truth, I’d simply give in and tolerate it, wanting to protect my relationships with others, allowing me to live in a state of safety. I saw that I was taking the path of moderation, being totally unprincipled in my actions. God asks us to speak and act according to His word, to be people that love what He loves, hate what He hates, and know good from evil, to be able to discern all kinds of people, and to treat others according to principles. Only this practice accords with God’s intention. Still, I clearly saw Leslie holding up work in her duty but didn’t criticize or expose her. I comforted her when I saw her cry and played the nice guy, in spite of my feelings. In this, I was protecting our relationship and taking Satan’s side by indulging her. I was so foolish! Before, I didn’t think that kind of conduct was such a problem. It was only when the facts were revealed that I saw living by these philosophies for worldly dealings really wasn’t the right path. I was a supervisor, but was always afraid of offending people and had no sense of justice. I didn’t dare point out issues I found or fellowship to resolve them, leading to problems cropping up over and over again. This wasn’t doing real work; this was resisting God!

Later on, I found a path of practice in God’s word. God’s word says: “If you want to establish a normal relationship with God, your heart must be turned toward Him; with this as a foundation, you will then have normal relationships with other people too. If you do not have a normal relationship with God, then no matter what you do to maintain your relationships with other people, no matter how hard you work or how much energy you put in, it will all belong to a human philosophy for worldly dealings. You will be protecting your position among people and attaining their praise through human perspectives and human philosophies, rather than establishing normal interpersonal relationships according to the word of God. If you do not focus on your relationships with people, and maintain a normal relationship with God instead, if you are willing to give your heart to God and learn to submit to Him, then your interpersonal relationships will naturally become normal. These relationships will then not be built upon the flesh, but upon the foundation of God’s love. You will have almost no fleshly interactions with other people, but on a spiritual level, there will be fellowship and mutual love, comfort, and provision between you. All of this is done upon the foundation of a desire to satisfy God—these relationships are not maintained through human philosophies for worldly dealings, they are formed naturally when one carries a burden for God. They do not require any artificial, human effort from you, you need only to practice according to the principles of God’s words” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. It Is Very Important to Establish a Normal Relationship With God). God’s word made it clear to me that normal interpersonal relations aren’t maintained through philosophies for worldly dealings. They are established on the foundation of practicing His word. When things come up, we need to practice the truth, act according to principles, protect church work, and shoulder a burden for brothers’ and sisters’ lives. This is the only way to have normal interpersonal relations. I recalled some brothers’ and sisters’ experiential testimonies. When they noticed others’ problems, they were able to point them out and help them according to God’s word. Although people sometimes lost face, if they pursued the truth, they could use this fellowship and criticism to discover their shortcomings, know their corrupt dispositions, amend their incorrect states, make progress in their lives, and get better and better results in their duties. That’s being truly loving and helpful. But for those who don’t pursue the truth, being criticized and pruned is a revelation for them. Because they are averse to the truth, when they’re pruned, they try to make excuses and resist, with zero acceptance. This kind of person is not a true brother or sister and should be rejected and avoided. Realizing this, I felt even more that only God’s word is the criterion for our actions and conduct, that we should treat others according to God’s word. That’s the best way to conduct ourselves and aligns with the standards for normal humanity.

Once, I found that a sister was being especially arrogant, self-righteous, and not accepting suggestions. She always did things based on her mood and delayed work. I had to fellowship and point out her problems so she could reflect and know herself, but I was somewhat apprehensive. What if she wouldn’t accept it? Would she become biased against me and say I was targeting her? I recalled my previous failure, and what I’d read in God’s word not long before, and it stirred something in me. If I disregarded the church’s work in my effort to protect our relationship, I would be offending God. This time, God was observing my attitude to see whether I’d repented and changed. I couldn’t treat people like I had before. I remembered God’s word says: “When faced with such things, you must pray to God and call out to Him, begging for salvation and asking that He give you more faith and strength and enable you to abide by the principles, do what you should do, handle things according to the principles, stand firm in the position you should stand in, protect the interests of God’s house, and prevent any harm from coming to the work of God’s house” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). I felt like God was beside me, encouraging me to take this step. I prayed to God, asking Him to give me faith and strength so I could practice the truth, put the church’s work first, and stop being afraid to offend people, protecting relationships. Having prayed, I sought out that sister. Along with exposing her problem based on her consistent behavior, I also pointed out that she was arrogant and self-righteous and didn’t accept others’ suggestions, that this was being averse to the truth and having a satanic disposition. I said if she kept obstructing church work without repenting or changing, she’d be dismissed. After I said all that, I didn’t feel like I always did before, afraid of being hated. Instead, I felt more relaxed and at peace.

Thinking back, I always used to live by satanic philosophies for worldly dealings, afraid of offending people, and of disputes and conflicts arising. In my interactions, I always considered others’ faces and protected relationships with others, missing out on a lot of chances to practice the truth. Now, when I have to point out and expose people’s problems, I still feel a little afraid, but I can consciously pray to God, and put right my own intentions and views to practice according to the principles. This experience has allowed me to correct my mistaken views. I truly thank God!