By Roxana, Taiwan

I have been a video work supervisor for over two years. A little while ago, because of the requirements of the work, our group was split into two smaller groups. Sister Layla was in charge of one group, and I was in charge of the other. Though Sister Layla had just started supervising this work, she was always putting forward key suggestions on video production, and she often led the brothers and sisters in jointly reviewing the work and learning technical skills. I wasn’t too happy about that, thinking, “At this rate they’re sure to make quick progress and it won’t be long before my group is unfavorably compared with theirs.” A sense of crisis swept over me, and I told myself I had to do a good job on every single video so as not to fall behind Layla and her group. At the time, we were making a video that was technically demanding, and I was closely studying the relevant skills along with other brothers and sisters. When we encountered difficulties, I would pray to God and seek solutions with everybody. The video was completed after much hard work, and the brothers and sisters who saw it said it was well made. This was gratifying as it suggested I was a force to be reckoned with, and was more capable than Layla and her group. I sent the video on to brothers and sisters in other groups, and a few days later they responded saying the video looked very lifelike and asking about how I improved my technical skills. I was very happy to hear this and thought to myself, “Now that the brothers and sisters have all seen what I can do, they’re bound to look up to and admire me.” I promised myself that I would handle all subsequent videos with utmost diligence.

After this, Layla and her group were having some difficulties with a video, and wanted me to help resolve them. I thought to myself, “This video is your responsibility. If I spend time resolving these problems, I won’t get credit for it and it’ll also hold up my own work. I’d be better off putting more effort into the video I’m responsible for, rather than helping you to resolve your problems.” So, I decided not to help them. Later, when Layla still couldn’t find a solution, she came back to me again. She said they’d tried various approaches without success, and asked how I’d handled such difficulties in the past. I thought, “If I spend time on your group’s problems and you end up doing a better job than me, isn’t everyone going to think you’re a better group leader than I am, even though you’ve only just started out? I’d look incompetent!” With this in mind, I said to her, in an offhanded way, that there was nothing I could do to help. Layla had no choice but to go back and keep on probing into the difficulties herself. She then sent a sample of the video to the group chat for us to check if there were any problems. I wasn’t planning to respond, thinking that watching the video would be a waste of my time. But at the same time I worried that, if I didn’t watch it, the brothers and sisters might say I was negligent in overseeing the work and irresponsible as a group leader. So, I reluctantly opened the file and watched the video. I found problems in several places, but I didn’t think them over carefully. Then Layla went on to send the video to the leader, who pointed out a good number of issues, so their video needed to be reworked and fixed. Progress of the work was delayed as a result. Later on, when the leader came to go over the work with me, she pointed out my problems and said, “When we do our duties in the church, we divide up the labor, but that doesn’t mean that we’re working independently from one another. You’re a group leader, so you have to bear more of a burden. Layla has only just started practicing as a group leader, so you have to check more closely on the videos she and her group make, so that some problems can be resolved ahead of time.” I realized, then, that I couldn’t wash my hands of responsibility for this delay as it was all due to me being too selfish, only attending to my own work and refusing to cooperate with Layla. However, I didn’t reflect too deeply on the matter. Whenever I was making videos after this, my thinking was hazy, and I felt dopey and disoriented. I couldn’t find the problems in brothers’ and sisters’ duties, and I didn’t even know what to say when praying. I realized that I wasn’t in the right state, and that God hid His face from me. So, I came seeking and praying before God, asking Him to guide me toward an understanding of myself.

One night, before going to bed, I reflected on my recent performance. I thought about how God exposes antichrists who only care about their own work in the performance of their duties. I found this passage of God’s words: “Antichrists have no conscience, reason, or humanity. Not only are they heedless of shame, but they have another hallmark, too: They are uncommonly selfish and vile. The literal sense of their ‘selfishness and vileness’ is not hard to grasp: They are blind to anything but their own interests. Anything concerning their own interests gets their full attention, and they will suffer for it, pay a price, engross themselves in it, and devote themselves to it. Anything not related to their own interests they will turn a blind eye to and take no notice of; others can do as they please—antichrists don’t care if anyone is being disruptive or disturbing, and to them, this has nothing to do with them. Put tactfully, they mind their own business. But it is more accurate to say that this kind of person is vile, base, and sordid; we define them as ‘selfish and vile.’ How does the selfishness and vileness of the antichrists manifest itself? In anything that benefits their status or reputation, they make efforts to do or say whatever is necessary, and they willingly endure any suffering. But where work arranged by God’s house is concerned, or where work that benefits the life growth of God’s chosen people is concerned, they utterly ignore it. Even when evil people disrupt, disturb, and commit all kinds of evil, thereby seriously affecting the work of the church, they remain impassive and unconcerned, as if this has nothing to do with them. And if someone discovers and reports the evil deeds of an evil person, they say they saw nothing and feign ignorance. … Regardless of what work they undertake, antichrists never give any thought to the interests of the house of God. They only consider whether their own interests will be affected, only think about the little bit of work in front of them that benefits them. For them, the primary work of the church is just something they do in their spare time. They don’t take it seriously at all. They only move when they’re prodded into action, only do what they like to do, and only do work that is for the sake of maintaining their own status and power. In their eyes, any work arranged by God’s house, the work of spreading the gospel, and the life entry of God’s chosen people are not important. No matter what difficulties other people have in their work, what issues they have identified and reported to them, how sincere their words are, the antichrists pay no heed, they do not get involved, it’s as if this has nothing to do with them. No matter how major the problems emerging in the church’s work are, they are utterly indifferent. Even when a problem is right in front of them, they only address it perfunctorily. Only when they are directly pruned by the Above and ordered to sort out a problem will they grudgingly do a little real work and give the Above something to see; soon after, they will continue with their own business. When it comes to the work of the church, to the important things of the wider context, they are disinterested in and disregard these things. They even ignore the problems they discover, and they give perfunctory answers or hem and haw when asked about problems, only addressing them with great reluctance. This is the manifestation of selfishness and vileness, is it not? What’s more, no matter what duty antichrists are doing, all they think about is whether it will allow them to step into the limelight; as long as it will boost their reputation, they rack their brains to come up with a way to learn how to do it, to carry it out; all they care about is whether it will set them apart. No matter what they do or think, they are only concerned with their own fame, gain, and status. No matter what duty they are doing, they only compete over who is higher or lower, who wins and who loses, who has the bigger reputation. They only care about how many people worship and look up to them, how many people obey them, and how many followers they have. They never fellowship the truth or solve real problems. They never consider how to do things according to principle when doing their duty, nor do they reflect on whether they have been loyal, have fulfilled their responsibilities, whether there have been deviations or oversights in their work, or if any problems exist, much less do they give thought to what God asks, and what God’s intentions are. They pay not the slightest attention to all these things. They only put their head down and do things for the sake of fame, gain, and status, to satisfy their own ambitions and desires. This is the manifestation of selfishness and vileness, is it not? This fully exposes how their hearts brim with their own ambitions, desires, and senseless demands; everything they do is governed by their ambitions and desires. No matter what they do, the motivation and source is their own ambitions, desires, and senseless demands. This is the archetypal manifestation of selfishness and vileness” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Excursus Four: Summarizing the Character of Antichrists and Their Disposition Essence (Part One)). God exposes antichrists to be extremely selfish. In matters that relate to their own interests, or ones which allow them to stand out, they work diligently and gladly, regardless of the price they have to pay or how much they have to suffer. But, if something doesn’t relate to their own interests, they simply ignore it. In such cases, they will be unwilling to give it their attention, no matter how many difficulties others are facing or how great the loss is to the work of the church. Everything they do is for the sake of their own personal reputation and status, and they don’t consider the interests of the church at all. I realized, then, that this was how I had been behaving. After our group was split in two, I saw that Layla was making rapid progress and bore a burden in her duty. I worried that she would surpass me, so I was unwilling to assist her when she encountered difficulties and came to me for help. I felt that this was not among my primary responsibilities, and that doing so would take up my time and energy. Not only that, but even if the video turned out well, my hard work would go unnoticed—instead, others would assume that Layla was on the same level as me, despite having only just started practicing as a group leader. In which case, I wouldn’t be able to showcase myself. Then, when Layla asked me to check their video and give them suggestions, I couldn’t be bothered. I didn’t want to spend time and effort watching it. In the end, I did watch it—but only begrudgingly, for form’s sake, because I worried that others might label me irresponsible. Because of this, the video—which contained numerous issues—had to be reworked. If I’d just put a little more effort in, I could have discovered and rectified those issues sooner. But, because I was being too selfish and only thought of my own interests, the church’s work was delayed. I felt so guilty at the thought of this. The church had arranged for me to be a group leader, so I should have fulfilled my responsibilities and been attentive in resolving various difficulties and problems that the brothers and sisters encountered in their duties. But I didn’t care about God’s intentions at all. All I cared about was if the videos I was responsible for were well made, and if I could get more people to admire me. When Layla ran up against difficulties, I obviously had some ideas about how to resolve them, but I didn’t help at all. I even thought spitefully, “It’s good that they’ve run up against some difficulties. If their results are poor, it’ll just make me look better. The brothers and sisters will think that I’m the backbone of our group, and that they can’t do without me.” The way I thought and acted was truly despicable! When going back over the work later on, I heard a few sisters saying things like, “This video hasn’t been done very well, and I feel somewhat negative about it. I think my caliber isn’t good enough for this duty.” This was upsetting to hear, and reinforced what I felt about how selfish I’d been. I’d only cared about my reputation and status. I’d been well aware that they’d just started practicing, and that they needed assistance and cooperation. But I’d just sat back, without even an ounce of love. The more I thought about it, the more I felt I was lacking in humanity. How could I have done something so despicable and wretched?

During a gathering, I heard a brother fellowship on an experience of his and found that I really benefited from it. In his fellowship, there was a passage of God’s words that left a really deep impression. God’s words say: “What is the standard by which a person’s actions and behavior are judged to be good or evil? It is whether or not they, in their thoughts, revelations, and actions, possess the testimony of putting the truth into practice and of living out the truth reality. If you do not have this reality or live this out, then without doubt, you are an evildoer. How does God regard evildoers? To God, your thoughts and external acts do not bear testimony for Him, nor do they humiliate and defeat Satan; instead, they bring shame to Him, and they are riddled with marks of the dishonor that you have brought upon Him. You are not testifying for God, you are not expending yourself for God, nor are you fulfilling your responsibilities and obligations to God; instead, you are acting for your own sake. What does ‘for your own sake’ mean? To be precise, it means for Satan’s sake. Therefore, in the end, God will say, ‘Depart from Me, you that work iniquity.’ In God’s eyes, your actions will not be seen as good deeds, they will be considered evil deeds. Not only will they fail to gain God’s approval—they will be condemned. What does one hope to gain from such a belief in God? Would such belief not come to naught in the end?” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Disposition). From God’s words I came to understand that God doesn’t look at how many duties a person does or how much a person is praised by others. What He looks at, rather, is whether a person, in their thoughts, expressions and actions, possesses the testimony of practicing the truth in the course of doing their duty. This is how God judges whether the things a person does are good or evil. God scrutinizes people’s hearts, and if a person is doing their duty without the intention of bearing testimony for God and satisfying God, and instead harms the work of the church for the sake of defending their own interests, then no matter how much of a price a person pays, they are still doing evil in God’s eyes. I’d always felt that I’d been conscientious and responsible in my duty, and that I wasn’t so bad. By reflecting on my own behavior in light of God’s words, however, I saw that though I tried my best and was meticulous in the work I was responsible for, behind this was hidden the intention to occupy a place within the hearts of my brothers and sisters; the intention to make people think I was the backbone of the group and that they couldn’t do without me. Even when Layla was running up against difficulties and unable to progress in her work, I wasn’t the least bit troubled. On the contrary, I was glad she was having difficulties as I felt it would help me stand out. In doing my duty with such despicable intentions, I was doing evil and condemned by God. If I didn’t repent, I would eventually be eliminated by God, even if I did lots of work and paid a great price. This thought scared me and I felt I was in grave danger. I prayed to God, resolving that I would no longer live by my corrupt disposition, and that if something similar happened to me in the future, I had to consider the work of the church as a whole and safeguard the church’s interests.

Afterward, I found a path of practice in God’s words. God says: “For all who perform a duty, no matter how profound or shallow their understanding of the truth is, the simplest way to practice entering into the truth reality is to think of the interests of God’s house in everything, and to let go of one’s selfish desires, personal intents, motives, pride, and status. Put the interests of God’s house first—this is the least one should do. If a person who performs a duty cannot even do this much, then how can they be said to be performing their duty? That is not performing one’s duty. You should first think of the interests of God’s house, be considerate of God’s intentions, and consider the work of the church. Put these things first and foremost; only after that can you think about the stability of your status or how others regard you. Do you not feel that this becomes a little easier when you divide it into two steps and make some compromises? If you practice like this for a while, you will come to feel that satisfying God is not such a difficult thing. Furthermore, you should be able to fulfill your responsibilities, perform your obligations and duty, and set aside your selfish desires, intents, and motives; you should show consideration for God’s intentions, and put the interests of God’s house, the work of the church, and the duty that you are supposed to perform first. After experiencing this for a while, you will feel that this is a good way to comport yourself. It is living straightforwardly and honestly, and not being a base, vile person; it is living justly and honorably rather than being despicable, base, and a good-for-nothing. You will feel that this is how a person should act and the image that they should live out. Gradually, your desire to satisfy your own interests will lessen” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Freedom and Liberation Can Be Gained Only by Casting Off One’s Corrupt Disposition). From God’s words I saw that in order to do one’s duty well, a person must set aside their personal intentions, motives, pride and status, and must put the interests of the church first at all times. After this I consciously did my duty in accordance with God’s requirements, and stopped being selfish and despicable and considering only my own reputation and status. One time, Layla encountered a difficulty when making a video and wanted me to have a look at how to resolve it. I was somewhat reluctant and thought to myself, “I’ve not yet finished the video I’ve got on hand. Will helping resolve her issue affect the progress of my work? If I end up being unable to finish it on time, will others say I’m inefficient, despite being a group leader?” I realized I was living by my corrupt disposition again. I recalled the resolution I had made to God—that I would consider the work of the church as a whole and wouldn’t just tend to my own work—and I prayed to God, willing to rebel against the flesh, set aside my interests and diligently help Layla. I watched the video attentively, noted down the problems, then went to see Layla and her group to offer on-site guidance. Layla said that my fellowship had opened up a path for her, and I felt a great sense of peace in my heart. I’d initially thought that helping them would hold up my work, but in the end there wasn’t any delay at all. For both our groups, the work proceeded more efficiently than ever and was completed successfully within a month. After this, when brothers and sisters asked me for help with their difficulties I no longer declined. Instead, I helped them to the best of my abilities. Though I was spending more time and effort checking on things and giving suggestions, I felt at peace practicing in this way.

Later I did some self-reflection, and I asked myself why I was so assiduous about matters that touched on my own interests, but uncooperative when my interests weren’t involved. What exactly was the essence of this problem? I saw some of God’s words: “To protect their own vanity and pride, and to maintain their reputation and status, some people are happy to help others, and to sacrifice for their friends no matter the cost. But when they need to protect the interests of the house of God, the truth, and justice, their good intentions are gone, they have completely disappeared. When they should practice the truth, they do not practice it at all. What is going on? To protect their own dignity and pride, they will pay any price and endure any suffering. But when they need to do real work and handle practical affairs, to safeguard the church’s work and positive things, and to protect and provide for God’s chosen people, why do they no longer have the strength to pay any price and endure any suffering? That is inconceivable. Actually, they have a kind of disposition that is averse to the truth. Why do I say that their disposition is averse to the truth? Because whenever something involves bearing witness for God, practicing the truth, protecting God’s chosen people, fighting against Satan’s schemes, or protecting the work of the church, they flee and hide, and don’t attend to any proper matters. Where is their heroism and spirit to endure suffering? Where do they apply these things? This is easy to see. Even if someone reproves them, saying that they should not be so selfish and base, and protect themselves, and that they ought to protect the work of the church, they don’t really care. They say to themselves, ‘I don’t do those things, and they do not have anything to do with me. What good would acting like that be for my pursuit of fame, gain, and status?’ They are not a person who pursues the truth. They only like to seek fame, gain, and status, and they do not do the work that God has entrusted to them at all. So, when they are needed to do the work of the church, they simply choose to flee. This means that, in their hearts, they do not like positive things, and are not interested in the truth. This is a clear manifestation of being averse to the truth. Only those who love the truth and possess the truth reality can come forward when required by the work of God’s house and by God’s chosen ones, only they can stand up, bravely and duty-bound, to testify to God and fellowship the truth, leading God’s chosen ones onto the right path, enabling them to attain submission to God’s work. Only this is an attitude of responsibility and a manifestation of showing consideration for God’s intentions. If you do not have this attitude, and are nothing but careless in your handling of things, and you think, ‘I’ll do the things within the scope of my duty, but I don’t care about anything else. If you ask me something, I’ll answer you—if I’m in a good mood. Otherwise, I won’t. This is my attitude,’ then this is a type of corrupt disposition, isn’t it? Only protecting one’s own status, reputation, and pride, and only protecting the things that relate to one’s own interests—is this protecting a just cause? Is it protecting the interests of God’s house? Behind these petty, selfish motives is the disposition of being averse to the truth” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). “When God sees that people are of poor caliber, that they have certain failings, and have corrupt dispositions or an essence that opposes Him, He is not repulsed by them, and does not keep them away from Him. That is not God’s intention, and it is not His attitude toward man. God does not loathe people’s poor caliber, He does not loathe their foolishness, and He does not loathe that they have corrupt dispositions. What is it that God most loathes in people? It is when they are averse to the truth. If you are averse to the truth, then because of that alone, God will never find delight in you. This is set in stone. If you are averse to the truth, if you do not love the truth, if your attitude toward the truth is uncaring, contemptuous, and arrogant, or even repulsed, resistant, and rejective—if this is how you behave—then God is utterly disgusted with you, and you are dead in the water, beyond saving” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. To Fulfill One’s Duty Well, Understanding the Truth Is Most Crucial). From God’s words I saw that people who do not love the truth or safeguard the interests of the church, always protecting personal reputation and status and readily doing whatever serves their interests and makes them stand out while ignoring and dismissing whatever doesn’t benefit them, are people of a satanic disposition that is averse to the truth. No matter how diligent this type of person is in matters touching on their own interests, how much of a price they pay or how impressive their work results, their intention is always to satisfy their need for reputation and status. When it comes to the interests of the church, they clearly know the truth but don’t practice it, and they do not uphold the work of the church at all. Upon reflection, I realized I had been doing my duty in this way. I was willing to put in effort and pay a price so long as I was able to stand out and look good. Even in the face of difficulties I remained undeterred, and would just apply myself to the fullest to get results. But as soon as I saw that doing the work well wouldn’t make me stand out or benefit me personally, I kept out of it. I wasn’t even anxious even when seeing the church’s work suffering losses. I was revealing the satanic disposition of being averse to the truth! From all my years of faith and all the words of God I’d read, I knew in terms of doctrine that as a created being I had to fulfill my duty with all my heart, mind, and strength, and that I had to put the interests of the church first at all times. I’d often prayed to God, saying that I’d do my duty to the best of my abilities to repay His love. But when I faced a real situation, I’d chosen to satisfy my selfish desires instead of protecting the interests of the church. I’d always put my reputation and status ahead of the interests of the church. How evil of me! If I didn’t deal with my satanic disposition of being averse to the truth, then I’d never achieve change in my life disposition, to say nothing of attaining salvation, no matter how many years I continued to believe in God. At this thought, I realized just how fatal this disposition of mine was. I prayed to God, asking Him to guide me in casting off the shackles of this corrupt disposition.

A little later, I read another passage of God’s words: “In the house of God, all those who pursue the truth are united before God, not divided. They all work toward a common goal: fulfilling their duty, doing the work that falls to them, acting according to the truth principles, doing as God requires, and satisfying His intentions. If your goal is not for the sake of this, but for your own sake, for the sake of satisfying your selfish desires, then that is the revelation of a corrupt satanic disposition. In God’s house, duties are done according to the truth principles, while nonbelievers’ actions are governed by their satanic dispositions. These are two very different paths. Nonbelievers keep their own counsel, each with their own aims and plans, everyone living for their own interests. That is why they all scramble for their own benefit and are unwilling to give up an inch of what they gain. They are divided, not united, because they are not out for a common goal. The intention and nature behind what they do is the same. They are all out for themselves. There is no truth that reigns in that; what does reign and is in charge in that is a corrupt satanic disposition. They are controlled by their corrupt satanic disposition and cannot help themselves, and so they fall deeper and deeper into sin. In God’s house, if the principles, methods, motivation, and starting point of your actions were no different from those of the nonbelievers, if you were also toyed with, controlled, and manipulated by a corrupt satanic disposition, and if the starting point of your actions were your own interests, reputation, pride, and status, then you would perform your duty no differently from the way nonbelievers do things. If you pursue the truth, you should change the way that you do things. You should abandon your own interests and your personal intentions and desires. You should first fellowship together on the truth when you do things, and understand God’s intentions and requirements before you divide the labor among you, with an eye on who is good and bad at what. You should take on what you are able to do and hold fast to your duty. Do not struggle or snatch at things. You must learn to compromise and to be tolerant. If someone has just begun performing a duty or only just learned the skills for a field, but is not up to some tasks, you must not force them. You must assign them tasks that are slightly easier. This makes it easier for them to achieve results in performing their duty. That is what it is to be tolerant, patient, and principled. It is a part of what normal humanity ought to have; it is what God requires of people and what people should practice” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). God’s words made me understand how different it is doing a duty in the church compared with the way that nonbelievers do things. In the world of nonbelievers, people interact in line with satanic philosophies for worldly dealings like “Let things drift if they do not affect one personally,” and “Let every man skin his own skunk.” They only consider their own interests and whether there is promotion or wealth to be gained. Nobody shows any interest in or concern for the difficulties of others. In considering how I’d been behaving in my duty, I realized I was acting exactly like a nonbeliever. I was well aware of the fact that Layla had just started practicing and that she was having difficulties in her duty, but I was afraid of being delayed and of being surpassed by her, so I was unwilling to help. As a result, not only did the reworking of the video delay progress, but I was also living with a corrupt disposition, loathed by God and lacking His guidance in my duty. This allowed me to see that God’s disposition is righteous, that God scrutinizes us to the depths of our hearts, that God sees with absolute clarity our selfish intentions in doing our duties, and that we are unable to attain the work of the Holy Spirit if we harbor wrongful intentions in our duties. From God’s words I came to understand that in the church we are doing a duty rather than handling our own affairs, and we can’t carry out our personal enterprise based on a corrupt disposition. No matter what, we have to practice the truth and stand up for the church’s interests, and mutually help and support our brothers and sisters, in order for the work of the church to progress smoothly. I’d enjoyed the watering and sustenance of so many of God’s words, and the church had cultivated me over such a long period. If I was still scheming for myself, satisfying my selfish desires while being incapable of doing my duty well to repay God’s love, then I was truly devoid of conscience and unworthy of all that God had bestowed upon me, much less of living before God. This realization filled me with remorse. I shouldn’t have treated my duty like that and I needed to turn myself around as soon as possible. In dealing with issues in the future, so long as it was church work, I needed to uphold it and fulfill my responsibilities, regardless of whether the work was within my remit or would make me look good. After this, I would never again decline whenever brothers and sisters encountered difficulties and needed my help, and I’d be able to tell them of some good paths that I had summarized. In doing my duty this way, I felt at ease and at peace.