By Xinxin, China

In June 2020, I was selected as a church leader. At first, when I had problems at work I would consciously seek principles, and even when I knew how to do something, I still sought the advice of co-workers and only acted after we reached a consensus. After a while, however, I found that my own suggestions were more appropriate most of the time. Also, since I had been a leader and worker in the past, I felt like I grasped some principles, and could view both people and things, as well as make arrangements in the work more accurately. In particular, once when the gospel work wasn’t seeing good results, and my partnered sister didn’t know how to resolve it, I proposed that all of the brothers and sisters involved in the gospel work meet up, so we could fellowship on the difficulties in this work and seek the truth for solutions. After some time passed, each brother and sister was able to effectively utilize their strengths in doing their duty, and the effectiveness of the gospel work improved significantly. Unconsciously, I slipped into a state of pride and complacency, feeling that I had work ability and could properly manage both personnel and church work.

A few months later, the church needed to elect a gospel deacon. Before the election, I went through all of the people in the church, and thought Sister Li Yang was most suitable. She had believed for many years, could forsake and expend, and had a sharp mind. She had also been to many places to preach the gospel in the past, with some results. Now, she had only just returned from out of town and had already converted several people, so I thought she was a good fit to be a gospel deacon. But after seeing several evaluations saying she had a very arrogant disposition, often constrained others, and discouraged people’s enthusiasm in doing their duty, I hesitated. But then I thought, “She has good work ability and can preach the gospel effectively, and even if she has these issues, as long as we all help out, it shouldn’t be much of a problem.” After thinking it over for a while, in the end I still felt that Li Yang was suitable to be a gospel deacon. The next day, I shared my views with my partner. She replied, “Li Yang severely constrains others. It’s fine for her to preach the gospel on her own, but I worry she will disturb the gospel work if she becomes a gospel deacon, so we have to be cautious.” I wasn’t very happy to hear my sister say this. I thought, “You’ve only believed in God for a short time, so your view is too one-sided. I see people and things more accurately, so it will not be wrong to listen to me.” With a look of contempt on my face, I said, “In choosing gospel deacons, the most important thing is whether a person has the work ability and expertise to preach the gospel. Li Yang may be arrogant and have a tendency to constrain others, but she has the ability to work, and she can achieve results in preaching the gospel. We have to learn how to use people according to their strengths and abilities and not get stuck on their small problems.” My partner was very resigned after hearing this, so she didn’t say anything more.

Next, while fellowshipping with my brothers and sisters about the election, I didn’t fellowship on the principles of elections, but instead deliberately stressed that whoever has work ability and is effective in doing their duty should be elected. Influenced by what I fellowshipped, most brothers and sisters voted for Li Yang to be gospel deacon. At the time, I was quite happy. But then, after my superior leader read Li Yang’s evaluation, she said Li Yang always constrained others, discouraged others’ enthusiasm, was particularly arrogant, and didn’t accept the advice of her brothers and sisters, so choosing her as gospel deacon could easily disturb the work. I thought, “You don’t know the personnel situation of the church. If you’re so strict about things all the time, then we’d never find anyone suitable for the job. Besides, Li Yang isn’t completely against others’ suggestions. The last time I pruned her, she accepted it. She is a decent fit for the role.” Thinking of this, I quickly said, “Li Yang can accept being criticized and pruned, and her preaching of the gospel is effective. We can help her more with her arrogant disposition in the future; she can still handle this position. Besides, right now there’s no one more suitable than her in the church.” After listening, the leader said resignedly, “Then let her practice for a while and we’ll see. If you find that she is attacking people and disturbing the work, then dismiss her immediately.” And so, Li Yang became the gospel deacon.

Not long after, my partner said, “Lately, I have been in contact with Li Yang and found that she still constrains people badly. When gospel workers have shortcomings, she doesn’t help them through fellowship, but instead attacks them, saying they are useless and progress too slowly. She says she does all the work alone and that cooperating with the other brothers and sisters is too tiring, which puts everyone in a negative state.” I didn’t take her words seriously, thinking, “Everyone has corruption. As long as Li Yang can perform her duties effectively, it’s fine. Your experience and insight are still too shallow. I have seen many like her. As long as we often fellowship and prune her, she can still do work.” So I said to my partner, “Let’s look at her strengths more. She is arrogant, but she can preach the gospel. We have to be tolerant of these little faults. I’ll fellowship with her more in the future.” My partner, now refuted by me, had nothing more to say. Later, when I saw Li Yang, I wanted to expose and dissect her problems, but the moment we met, she said the gospel work was now very effective. I saw that she was very proactive in her duty, so I only briefly mentioned the issue of her arrogant disposition and constraining of others, and fellowshipped with her on how she had to correctly treat her brothers and sisters. After she listened, she said she was willing to change, so I didn’t say anything more. Later, several sisters successively reported that not only did Li Yang not do real work, she didn’t fellowship on the truth to solve problems when brothers and sisters had difficulties, and she even got angry, scolded and attacked them, putting them in a negative state. As a result, the effectiveness of the gospel work sharply fell. I thought, “Was it really wrong for me to insist on choosing her as a deacon? Since the brothers and sisters have mentioned it many times, I can no longer cling to my views.” After that, I gathered everyone’s evaluations of Li Yang, and I saw that she often relied on her several years of experience in gospel preaching to scold and attack others from on high, leaving them feeling constrained and in a negative state, unable to perform their duties normally. When others pointed out her problems, she argued and defended herself. Several people gave her fellowship, but she didn’t accept it. Reading these evaluations left me dumbfounded. I didn’t expect Li Yang’s problems to be so serious. After so many years of work, I chose the wrong person to be a deacon, made a mess of the work, and caused complaints among the other brothers and sisters. Realizing all of this was hard for me to take. Afterward, based on Li Yang’s consistent behavior, it was determined that she was unsuitable as a gospel deacon, and she was dismissed.

After dismissing Li Yang, I felt something I couldn’t explain, like I had been slapped hard in the face. I thought of all the times my partner talked about Li Yang’s problems, but I didn’t take it seriously, causing serious losses to the church’s work as a result. I felt extremely remorseful and guilty, and asked myself, “How could I have made such a big mistake in choosing Li Yang? How should I reflect on these failings, and which aspect of truth should I enter into?” I prayed to God, asking Him to enlighten me so that I could know myself. I read this passage of God’s words: “Some people never seek the truth while performing their duties. They merely do as they please, acting according to their own imaginings, and are ever arbitrary and rash. They simply do not walk the path of practicing the truth. What does it mean to be ‘arbitrary and rash’? It means to act however you see fit when you encounter an issue, without any process of thinking or searching. Nothing anyone else says can touch your heart or change your mind. You can’t even accept it when the truth is fellowshipped to you, you stick to your own opinions, not listening when other people say anything right, believing yourself right, and clinging to your own ideas. Even if your thinking is correct, you should take other people’s opinions into consideration as well. And if you don’t at all, is this not being extremely self-righteous? It is not easy for people who are extremely self-righteous and willful to accept the truth. If you do something wrong and others criticize you, saying, ‘You’re not doing it according to the truth!’ you reply, ‘Even if I’m not, this is still how I’m going to do it,’ and then you find some reason to make them think this is right. If they reproach you, saying, ‘You acting like this is disruptive, and it will damage the work of the church,’ not only do you not listen, but you keep coming out with excuses: ‘I think this is the right way, so this is how I’m going to do it.’ What disposition is this? (Arrogance.) It is arrogance. An arrogant nature makes you willful. If you have an arrogant nature, you will behave arbitrarily and rashly, heedless of what anyone says” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). God’s words precisely exposed my state. I thought, since I had been a leader for many years, mastered some principles, and achieved some results in my work, I felt that I understood the truth and could see people and things clearly. As a result, I trusted myself. When things happened, I did whatever I wanted, and didn’t have any heart of seeking. My partner pointed out that we had to find out if Li Yang had repented and changed, which was completely in line with principles, but I didn’t accept it, and insisted on making her listen to me. During the election, I deliberately emphasized my own views to misguide others. After the election, my superior leader reminded me that Li Yang wasn’t suitable, but I arrogantly clung to my own views and found reasons to refute the leader. After Li Yang became gospel deacon, she constrained others in all things. When my partner pointed out this problem again, I still didn’t reflect on my behavior. I felt she had too little experience and insight, and I didn’t take her words seriously. I even said it’s normal for those with intelligence and caliber to be a little arrogant. I used this as an excuse to protect Li Yang and condone her actions. I stubbornly clung to my own views. I didn’t look at whether she did real work or caused disturbances and disruptions, which led to everyone feeling constrained by her in their duties, seriously hindering the gospel work. I was so arrogant, self-righteous, and reckless. In what way was I doing my duty? I was disrupting and disturbing church work, doing evil and resisting God, which God disgusts and detests. Once I recognized this, I was struck by fear, so I quickly prayed to God to repent, saying I wanted to change my incorrect state and views and seek the principles of selecting people.

In my seeking, I read Principle 63, “The Principles of Electing Leaders and Workers,” in 170 Principles of Practicing the Truth. It mentions: “Not all those with arrogant dispositions should be tarred with the same brush. If someone is able to accept the truth and do real work, they may be elected.” I saw that people with arrogant dispositions can also be chosen, but there is a prerequisite: They must be able to accept the truth and do real work. Although Li Yang had some intelligence and caliber and was good at preaching the gospel, her disposition was especially arrogant, and she looked down on others just because she had more gospel experience than they did. When others pointed out her problems, she didn’t accept or reflect on herself, and instead tried to argue and justify herself. Even if she outwardly accepted it at times, she didn’t change at all afterward. She wasn’t someone who accepted the truth. She also tended to use her status to constrain and attack brothers and sisters, causing them to live in a negative state, which seriously affected the gospel work. People like her—those who can’t do real work and even disturb and disrupt the work—are unsuitable to be used and can’t be chosen as gospel deacons, even if they are talented. In addition, when I chose Li Yang, I had a mistaken point of view. I thought as long as someone had experience and was effective in preaching the gospel, they could be elected as a gospel deacon, but this was entirely my own notion and imagining. That Li Yang could bring in new believers by preaching the gospel only meant she was good at preaching the gospel, not that she was well-suited to supervise the gospel work. No matter how much experience she had, if she had bad humanity, constrained and attacked others from her satanic dispositions, and didn’t accept pruning, then it would be troublesome. Using such a person could only disrupt and disturb the work of the church. When things happened to me, I didn’t seek the truth. I saw people and things based on my own notions and imaginings. How was this believing in God? As I reflected on this, I felt a sadness deep within my heart. I prayed to God, saying I wished to seek the truth principles, and no longer act arbitrarily on my own will.

Although I had the desire to change, my own will was still too strong, so I made the same old mistakes again not long after. One day, while my upper leader was learning about our work, she saw that Sister Xu Jie, who was in charge of text-based work, had poor caliber. She had been cultivated for a long time, but showed no obvious growth, and didn’t do effective work. My leader suggested I quickly find someone with better caliber and insight to cultivate, and said it didn’t matter if their time practicing was short. I thought, “Although Xu Jie doesn’t have good caliber, she has done this duty for a long time and can bear a burden, so she’s better than anyone new to the job. Those new to it don’t grasp the principles and have no work experience, so it would take time to cultivate them. By comparison, Xu Jie is still better for the role. She might just be ineffective lately because she’s in a bad state. Once she adjusts herself, her results should naturally improve.” So, I didn’t reassign Xu Jie. After a while, the leader sent another letter asking me to reassign Xu Jie, and recommending Sister Xin Yu, saying she had good caliber and good writing skills and that she had done the same work in the past, and was worth cultivating. I saw that Xin Yu had only believed in God for a short time, and had little experience, so I doubted if she could really handle the work. With this in mind, I insisted on keeping Xu Jie and did not cultivate Xin Yu. It wasn’t until the end of the month that I found out text-based work was almost at a standstill. My leader pruned me, saying I was too insistent on my views, that she suggested reassigning Xu Jie twice, and cultivating Xin Yu, but I hadn’t done it, seriously hindering text-based work. Hearing this made me feel terrible. My leader had reminded me twice that Xu Jie had poor caliber and wasn’t suitable for cultivating. Why couldn’t I accept it? Why did I always insist on using personnel according to my own will? Faced with the huge loss caused to the work, I felt very remorseful, so I prayed to God, asking Him to enlighten and guide me so that I could reflect on my issues.

Later, I read some of God’s words: “You serve God with your natural character, and according to your personal preferences. What’s more, you always think that the things you are willing to do are what are delightful to God, and that the things you do not wish to do are what are hateful to God; you work entirely according to your own preferences. Can this be called serving God? Ultimately, there will not be the slightest change in your life disposition; instead, your service will make you even more stubborn, thus deeply ingraining your corrupt disposition, and as such, there will be formed within you rules about service to God that are primarily based on your own character, and experiences derived from your service according to your own disposition. These are the experiences and lessons of man. It is man’s philosophy for worldly dealings. People like this can be classed as Pharisees and religious officials. If they never wake up and repent, then they will surely turn into the false christs and the antichrists who mislead people in the last days. The false christs and the antichrists that were spoken of will arise from among such people. If those who serve God follow their own character and act according to their own will, they run the risk of being eliminated at any time. Those who apply their many years of experience acquired to serving God in order to win the hearts of others, to lecture them and constrain them, and to stand on high—and who never repent, never confess their sins, never renounce the benefits of position—these people shall fall before God. They are of the same kind as Paul, presuming upon their seniority and flaunting their qualifications. God will not bring people like this to perfection. Such service disrupts the work of God. People always cling to the old. They cling to the notions of the past, to everything from times gone by. This is a great obstacle to their service. If you cannot throw them off, these things will throttle your whole life. God will not commend you, not in the slightest, not even if you break your legs running or your back with labor, not even if you are martyred in your service of God. Quite the contrary: He will say that you are an evildoer” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Religious Service Must Be Purged). “If someone does not love the truth and frequently acts according to their own will, then they will frequently offend God. He will spurn them, and set them off to the side. What such a person does often fails to meet with God’s approval, and if they know no repentance, then punishment is not far off” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). As I pondered God’s words, I felt a little afraid. I thought, since I had done my duty for a long time and had some experience, that meant I understood the truth, so I held and practiced my own notions as if they were the truth and treated my work experience as capital. As a result, I became more and more arrogant. When things happened to me, I had no place for God in my heart—I didn’t seek the truth principles, I didn’t accept suggestions from others, and I stubbornly did whatever I wanted. All of this caused losses to the work of the church. I finally understood that having work experience does not mean I understand the truth and possess realities. By not pursuing the truth and acting from my own experience and will, I can only disturb and disrupt the work of the church. The truth rules in God’s house, and the truth is the criterion for people’s actions, but I still mistook my own work experience and will as the truth. How was this belief in God? This was believing in myself! I thought of how the antichrists expelled from the church were all arrogant, conceited, and arbitrary. In their duties, they ignored the principles of God’s house and acted recklessly, and no matter how others reminded or pruned them, they never repented. In the end, they seriously disturbed the work of the church, being expelled and eliminated as a result. Didn’t I have the same disposition as these antichrists? I did! I was also walking the path of an antichrist! I felt especially regretful and guilty, and hated myself for being so arrogant and self-righteous.

Later, I saw another passage of God’s words and learned how to practice. God’s words say: “When other people voice dissenting opinions, how can you practice in order to keep from being arbitrary and rash? You must first have an attitude of humility, set aside what you believe to be right, and let everyone fellowship. Even if you believe your way to be correct, you should not keep insisting on it. That is a kind of step forward; it shows an attitude of seeking the truth, of denying yourself, and of satisfying God’s intentions. Once you have this attitude, at the same time as not adhering to your own opinions, you should pray, seek the truth from God, and then look for a basis in God’s words—determine how to act based on God’s words. This is the most suitable and accurate practice. When you seek the truth and hold up a problem for everyone to fellowship and seek on together, that is when the Holy Spirit provides enlightenment. God enlightens people according to principles, He takes stock of their attitude. If you stubbornly stick to your guns regardless of whether your view is right or wrong, God will hide His face from you and ignore you; He will make you hit a wall to reveal you and expose your ugly state. If, on the other hand, your attitude is correct, neither insistent on your own way, nor self-righteous, nor arbitrary and rash, but an attitude of seeking and of accepting the truth, if you fellowship with everyone, then the Holy Spirit will begin to work among you, and perhaps He will lead you to understanding by means of someone’s words. Sometimes, when the Holy Spirit enlightens you, He leads you to understand the crux of a matter with just a few words or phrases, or by giving you an idea. You realize, in that instant, that whatever you have been clinging to is erroneous, and, in the same instant, you understand the most appropriate way to act. Having reached such a level, have you not successfully avoided doing evil, and at the same time avoided bearing the consequences of a mistake? Is this not God’s protection? (Yes.) How is such a thing achieved? This is only attained when you have a God-fearing heart, and when you seek the truth with a heart of submission. Once you have received the enlightenment of the Holy Spirit and determined the principles of practice, your practice will be in line with the truth, and you will be able to satisfy God’s intentions” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). From God’s words, I saw that no matter what happens to us, we must maintain a God-fearing heart, seek God’s intention, and seek the truth principles. Especially when our brothers and sisters make suggestions that differ from our own, we should first deny ourselves and accept them. Even if we think we are right, we should let go of ourselves and seek and fellowship with our brothers and sisters. Only in this way can we gain God’s guidance and enlightenment. I had believed in God for years, yet even now I couldn’t accept suggestions that were in line with the truth. I still lived entirely by my arrogant disposition. Despite being so impoverished, pitiful, filthy, and corrupt, I still proudly thought I was good, and still believed strongly in myself when I acted. Thinking about it, I realized this was shameless. I made up my mind that I would never trust myself again, and that in everything, I would seek the truth principles and fellowship with others more, so that I could do my duty well.

After that, I started to seek how to reasonably arrange duties based on everyone’s caliber and strengths. I found these words of God: “Everyone should fulfill their individual roles and contribute according to their abilities. Arrangements for performing duty should be made appropriately based on individuals’ gifts, talents, caliber, age, and the length of time they have believed in God. This approach must be tailored to fit different kinds of people, allowing them to perform their duties in God’s house and maximize their function” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. What Is the Adequate Performance of Duty?). “Some people believe themselves to be skilled in the written word, so they strenuously demand to do a duty that relates to it. Of course, the house of God will not disappoint them, the house of God cherishes talented individuals, and whatever gifts or strengths people have, the house of God will give them room to make use of them, and so the church arranges for them to do text-based work. But after some time passes, it is discovered that they do not in fact possess this skill, and are incapable of doing this duty properly; they are totally ineffective. Their talent and caliber make them utterly incompetent at this job. So what should be done in such circumstances? Is it possible to just put up with them and say, ‘You have passion, and although you do not possess much talent, and are of average caliber, as long as you are willing, and not averse to working hard, the house of God will put up with you, and let you carry on doing this duty. It doesn’t matter if you don’t do it well. The house of God will turn a blind eye, and there’s no need for you to be replaced’? Is this the principle by which the house of God handles matters? Obviously not. In such circumstances, suitable duties are normally arranged for them based on their caliber and strengths; that’s one side of it. But it’s not enough to depend on this alone, because in many cases people themselves don’t know what duty they’re suited to do, and even if they think they’re good at it, that might not necessarily be correct, and so they have to try it out and be trained for a period of time; deciding based on whether they are effective or not is the right thing to do. If they are trained for a period of time, and do not get any results or make any progress, and it’s confirmed that it’s not worth cultivating them, their duty should be adjusted, and a suitable duty should be rearranged for them. Rearranging and adjusting people’s duties in this way is the proper thing to do, and is also in line with principle” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Twelve: They Want to Withdraw When They Have No Status or No Hope of Gaining Blessings). In God’s words, I saw that the church arranges duties based on each person’s humanity, caliber, and strengths, so that each can best play a role in the right place. Some people do text-based work, but after being cultivated for a time, they still experience no growth. They lack the caliber and aren’t up to the work, so they can’t continue in that role. Instead, an appropriate duty should be arranged for them based on their caliber, which is beneficial both to them and the church’s work. According to the principles, although Xu Jie had good humanity and bore a burden in her duty, she had poor caliber, so although she did text-based work for years, progress was too slow, meaning she really wasn’t suitable to supervise the work. Although Xin Yu believed for a shorter time than Xu Jie, she understood the truth purely, she was perceptive, she had good caliber, and she enjoyed writing. Although she was not yet qualified for the job, if she was cultivated for some time, she could show progress and become competent. Once I understood the principles of using and cultivating people, I put Xin Yu in charge of the text-based work and reassigned Xu Jie to another duty, and after a period of time, the text-based work gradually improved.

Later, I saw that Sister Wang Chen from another group wrote well, and I felt she could be cultivated for text-based work, so I recommended her. However, my partner said she was arrogant and self-righteous, tended to constrain people, and always made others listen to her, so she was unsuitable to be cultivated. Hearing her say that made me a little unhappy, and I thought, “While it’s true Wang Chen is a little arrogant and tends to constrain people, that behavior is all in the past. Now, she can accept pruning and has shown some change. I think she is very suitable for text-based work.” So I wanted to cling to my view, but then I thought, “I always selected people based on my own will, which caused losses to the work of the church. Now, I am once again assigning Wang Chen without seeking principles. I made this decision unilaterally. I’m still acting arbitrarily! I can’t cling to my own views anymore. I have to seek the truth in this. The only accurate way to determine this is according to principles.” Later, I read in God’s words: “Another type of people who can be promoted and cultivated are those who possess special talents or gifts or have mastered some professional skills. What is the standard that the house of God requires for cultivating people like this into team leaders? First look at their humanity—so long as they relatively love positive things and are not evil people, that’s enough. Some people might ask, ‘Why are they not required to be someone who pursues the truth?’ Because team leaders are not church leaders or workers, nor are they waterers, and requiring them to meet the standard of pursuing the truth would be asking too much, and out of reach for most of them. This is not required of people who perform general affairs work or specific items of professional work; if it was, only a few would qualify, so standards have to be lowered. As long as people understand their profession and are capable of shouldering the work, and do not commit evil or cause any disturbance, then that’s enough. For these people, who have expertise in some skills and professions and have some strengths, if they are going to carry out work that requires some familiarity with skill and relates to their professions in the house of God, as long as they are relatively guileless and upstanding in terms of their character, not evil, not distorted in their comprehension, able to endure hardship, and willing to pay a price, then that’s enough” (The Word, Vol. 5. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers. The Responsibilities of Leaders and Workers (5)). God’s house cultivates people with special skills based on this principle: They must have acceptable humanity, understanding without distortion, treat their duties seriously, and love positive things. Wang Chen had a somewhat arrogant disposition, but if what others suggested was right and in line with the truth, she could still accept it. She had a talent for text-based work, she could suffer and pay a price in her duty, and she could uphold the work of the church, so she was in line with that principle. Later, I used the principle to fellowship with my superior leader and several partners about my views, and everyone agreed that Wang Chen could be cultivated, so I arranged for her to do text-based work. She cherished the opportunity and produced good results in her new duty. I saw that when we seek God’s intention in everything and do our duties according to the truth principles, we will receive the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and our hearts will be at ease and peaceful.