By Christina, USA

In April 2021, I was living in a house with Harlow and a few other sisters. In the beginning, I often saw that she was talking with others about her state, and sometimes chatted about it over meals. I thought about how she was even able to make use of mealtime—she really focused on life entry and was someone who sought the truth. Then once when we were chatting, Harlow told me she really cared about others’ facial expressions and opinions, and if someone took a bad tone with her, she’d usually assume that they were looking down on her, and told me that she was deceitful. She also said she always vied with others over name and gain, and was too concerned with her reputation and status. I was thinking, we hadn’t known each other long, so her being able to tell me about her fatal flaws and her weaknesses meant she was simple and open. I noticed in our later interactions that she really did have a complicated mindset. She really cared about people’s expressions and opinions, and was suspicious of others. Sometimes when brothers and sisters pointed out her problems, she would wonder if they looked down on her, then afterward she’d open up about herself, saying that she was always suspicious of others, that she was very deceitful, and so on. At first, I thought she was just kind of sensitive and fragile. I felt that everyone has faults and problems, and as brothers and sisters, we should have more tolerance and forgiveness for each other. Also, she was able to open up and understand herself after revealing corruption, so she should be a person that’s able to accept the truth. So I didn’t think much of it. Generally, when she told me about her state, I’d patiently listen to her pour her heart out. In conversation I was also cautiously attentive to her mood, afraid I’d be careless and say something that hurt her. For that reason, she liked talking with me. It showed from her words and what they implied that she felt I had a good temperament and personality and was generous, and that she liked people like me. However, every time we chatted, it was about her state of being suspicious or caring about face. Sometimes a little chat would stretch on for an hour, and this really held up my duties. But seeing how much she trusted me, I was afraid that she’d be hurt if I didn’t listen to her, so I was embarrassed to interrupt her. Some things happened later that gradually changed how I saw her.

One time, Sister Kay didn’t take it too seriously when Harlow criticized her for not folding a comforter well. Harlow got mad and wouldn’t let it go, and insisted that Kay do what she wanted. Kay saw that Harlow generally made people coax her and go along with her to please her. Kay told her she was too focused on status and always wanted people around her, which in essence meant she wanted to control them. Afterward, Harlow went to open up to Kay, crying and explaining that she wasn’t like what Kay had said, and that Kay had misunderstood her. Kay apologized, but Harlow still couldn’t let it go, and gave her the silent treatment. After that, she often isolated herself and didn’t talk with us much. Once when she was talking with me about her state, she said she saw the other sisters were talking with Kay a lot, so she suspected everyone liked Kay, and that they looked down on and excluded her. Then she deliberately avoided everyone, and she thought Kay was being insincere when she spoke with her. Afterward, she said she had poor humanity and that second-guessing Kay in that way was really deceitful. But she didn’t change after that. She was sulky with us for half a month because of it, and everyone felt really constrained. I was pretty taken aback and couldn’t make heads or tails of it. Why didn’t she seek the truth and learn a lesson when faced with issues? After that I was thinking about how she only tended to get into a huff and sulk, and that we were all brothers and sisters, and we just needed to help her more out of love. One time, problems cropped up in a video she was producing. In a gathering, the team leader said producers had to take the main responsibility for issues in videos. Harlow assumed that was targeted at her—that the team leader thought she had poor caliber and looked down on her. She had a long face and was gloomy for days. A leader fellowshipped with her after that, and said she didn’t accept the truth and was overly sensitive, and that it would be dangerous for her to remain that way. Harlow started crying when she heard that. She said she was too corrupt and wouldn’t be saved by God. Seeing her so upset, the leader fellowshipped with her on God’s intention so that she wouldn’t misunderstand God and could reflect further upon her problem and have entry. She didn’t say anything at the time, and the leader thought she would be able to change. Surprisingly, however, she said in a gathering that she couldn’t accept what the leader said about her and had been negative for days. Later, she told some brothers and sisters that the team leader had disliked her for her low caliber, which had made her feel constrained. She didn’t know how to get through it, and was crying as she spoke. The brothers and sisters were sympathetic. Things like this were always happening. After someone fellowshipped with her, she’d always “know” herself and acknowledge her problem. But then she’d throw another fit a few days later when something else unpleasant happened.

I was very confused to see her acting that way. Since she usually seemed to know herself, why didn’t she ever change? If the others said anything that impacted her pride, she’d assume they were looking down on her and then take everything the wrong way. Was there a problem with her humanity and her understanding? I couldn’t fully understand this, so I prayed to God in seeking, and I sought out and fellowshipped with others who understood the truth. A sister told me that Harlow understood everything after years of faith, but she didn’t practice the truth and was often negative. That meant she didn’t truly know herself. That sister also sent me a passage of God’s words: “When some people fellowship their self-knowledge, the first thing out of their mouths is, ‘I’m a devil, a living Satan, someone who resists God. I rebel against Him and betray Him; I’m a viper, an evil person who should be cursed.’ Is this true self-knowledge? They only speak in generalities. Why do they not offer examples? Why do they not bring the shameful things they did out into the light of day for dissection? Some undiscerning people hear them and think, ‘Now, that is true self-knowledge! To know themselves as a devil, and even to curse themselves—what heights they’ve reached!’ Many people, new believers in particular, are prone to be misled by this talk. They think that the speaker is pure and has spiritual understanding, that this is someone who loves the truth, and is qualified for leadership. However, once they interact with them for a while, they find that this is not so, that the person is not whom they imagined, but is exceptionally false and deceitful, skilled at disguise and pretension, which comes as a great disappointment. On what basis can people be deemed to truly know themselves? You cannot just consider what they say—the key is to determine whether they are able to practice and accept the truth. For those that truly understand the truth, they not only have true knowledge of themselves, most importantly, they are able to practice the truth. They not only speak about their true understanding, but are also able to truly do what they say. That is, their words and actions are completely aligned. If what they say sounds coherent and agreeable, but they don’t do it, don’t live it out, then in this they have become Pharisees, they are hypocrites, and absolutely not people who truly know themselves. Many people sound very coherent when they fellowship the truth, but don’t realize when they have revelations of a corrupt disposition. Are these people who know themselves? If people do not know themselves, are they people who understand the truth? All who do not know themselves are people who do not understand the truth, and all who speak empty words of self-knowledge have false spirituality, they are liars. Some people sound very coherent when they speak words and doctrines, but the state in their spirits is numb and dull-witted, they are unperceptive, and they are unresponsive to any issues. It may be said that they are numb, but sometimes, listening to them speak, their spirits seem quite sharp. For example, right after an incident, they are able to know themselves straight away: ‘Just now an idea was made apparent in me. I thought about it and realized that it was deceitful, that I was deceiving God.’ Some undiscerning people are envious when they hear this, saying: ‘This person immediately realizes when they have a revelation of corruption, and is able to open up and fellowship about it, too. They are so quick to react, their spirit is sharp, they’re much better than us. This is truly someone who pursues the truth.’ Is this an accurate way of measuring people? (No.) So what should be the basis for evaluating whether people really know themselves? It must not only be what comes out of their mouths. You must also look at what is really manifested in them. The simplest method is to look at whether they are able to practice the truth—this is what’s most crucial. Their ability to practice the truth proves that they truly know themselves, because those who truly know themselves manifest repentance, and only when people manifest repentance do they truly know themselves” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only Self-Knowledge Is of Aid in Pursuing the Truth). I learned from God’s words that when measuring if someone loves and accepts the truth, if they truly know themselves, it’s not about seeing how well they can verbally know themselves, or how well they spout words and doctrines. Rather, it’s about what they actually live out in the face of events, if they can practice the truth, if they really repent and change, and if the understanding they talk about and their actual entry match up. Some people spout all the right words and doctrines, but when they face things they do not practice the truth whatsoever, and act instead based on their satanic disposition. That’s someone who doesn’t accept the truth. Some people can open up no matter what kind of thoughts they reveal, and know their corruption, making people think they’re simple. They say nothing, however, about the real motives behind this, and they don’t dissect the essence of their corrupt disposition at all. They seem simple and open, but they’re actually misleading and lying to people, and are really deceitful. Some people’s self-knowledge is just an illusion—they will verbally acknowledge their mistakes, say they’re devils and Satans, curse and condemn themselves, and they know themselves to be a complete mess; as for the specific evil things they’ve done, however, the hidden motives and goals behind them, or the consequences they’ve led to, they don’t say a word. Looking at Harlow, she liked to talk to people about her state, and seemed to really pursue and seek the truth. She was always saying things like, “I have poor humanity, I’m deceitful, I’m malicious.” From the outside it looked like she could really know herself, but she didn’t practice the truth or have entry whatsoever when faced with events. She didn’t resolve her own corrupt disposition at all. Two years ago, others had evaluated her as being suspicious of people and being focused on reputation and status, but she still hadn’t changed whatsoever. Clearly, she usually just talked about doctrine. This was giving people a false impression, and she was hoodwinking people. The knowledge she talked about and what she actually lived out didn’t match up at all.

Later I read fellowship from God on which people are true brothers and sisters, and which people aren’t, and I gained some discernment over Harlow. God’s words say: “Only those who love the truth belong to God’s house; only they are real brothers and sisters. Do you think that all those who often attend assembly in God’s house are brothers and sisters? Not necessarily. What people are not brothers and sisters? (Those who are averse to the truth, who do not accept the truth.) Those who do not accept the truth and are averse to it are all evil people. They are all people without a conscience or reason. None of them are those whom God saves. These people are devoid of humanity, they do not attend to their proper work, and they run amok doing bad things. They live by satanic philosophies and employ crafty maneuvers and use, wheedle, and cheat others. They do not accept the slightest bit of the truth, and they have infiltrated God’s house solely to gain blessings. Why do we call them disbelievers? Because they are averse to the truth, and they do not accept it. As soon as the truth is fellowshipped, they lose interest, they are averse to it, they cannot stand to hear about it, they feel it is boring and cannot stay seated. They are clearly disbelievers and nonbelievers. You must not regard them as brothers and sisters. … So what do they live by? Without question, they live by the philosophies of Satan, they are always being wily and cunning, they do not have a life of normal humanity. They never pray to God or seek the truth, but handle everything using human tricks, tactics, and philosophies for worldly dealings—which makes for an exhausting and painful existence. They interact with the brothers and sisters in the same way that they interact with nonbelievers, they follow satanic philosophies and lie and cheat. They like to start arguments and split hairs. No matter what group they are living in, they always look to see who is aligned with who, and who is teamed up with who. When they speak, they are carefully observing other people’s reactions, they are always on the lookout, trying not to offend anyone. They are always following these philosophies for worldly dealings to deal with all the things around them and their relationships with others. That is what makes their existence so exhausting. Though they may seem active among other people, in reality, only they know their struggles, and if you were to look closely at their lives, you’d feel it’s exhausting. For a matter involving fame, gain, or face, they insist on clarifying who is right or wrong, who is superior or inferior, and must argue to prove a point. Others don’t want to hear it. People say, ‘Can you simplify what you’re saying? Can you be straightforward? Why do you have to be so trivial?’ Their thoughts are so complicated and convoluted, and they live such an exhausting life without realizing the underlying problems. Why can’t they seek the truth and be honest? Because they are averse to the truth and don’t want to be honest. So, what do they rely on in life? (Philosophies for worldly dealings and human methods.) Depending on human methods to act tends to lead to results in which one ends up either being laughed at or revealing an ugly side of oneself. And so, on closer examination, their actions, the things they spend all day doing—they all relate to their own face, fame, gain, and vanity. It’s as if they’re living in a web, they have to rationalize or make excuses for everything, and they are always speaking for their own sake. Their thinking is complicated, they talk so much nonsense, their words are so tangled. They’re always arguing over what’s right and wrong, there’s no end to it. If they’re not trying to gain face, they’re competing for reputation and status, and there is never a time when they are not living for these things. And what is the ultimate consequence? They may have gained face, but everyone is sick and tired of them. People have seen through them and realized that they are devoid of the truth reality, that they are not someone who sincerely believes in God. When the leaders and workers or other brothers and sisters use a few words to prune them, they stubbornly refuse to accept, they insist on trying to rationalize or make excuses, and they try to pass the buck. During assemblies they defend themselves, start arguments, and stir up trouble among God’s chosen ones. In their hearts, they’re thinking, ‘Is there really nowhere for me to argue my case?’ What kind of person is this? Is this someone who loves the truth? Is this someone who believes in God? When they hear anyone say something that doesn’t align with their intentions, they always want to argue and demand an explanation; they get tangled up in who’s right and who’s wrong, they do not seek the truth and treat it according to the truth principles. No matter how simple a matter is, they have to make it so complicated—they’re just asking for trouble, they deserve to be so exhausted!” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Part Three). God’s words reveal that some people like to bicker over right and wrong. They don’t accept the truth; rather, they are averse to it. They don’t seek the truth in the face of things, nor do they reflect on or know themselves. They’re always defending and justifying themselves for the sake of their face and status. That kind of person has a complicated mindset and a deceitful nature. It’s not only tiring for them, but they also bring others pain and antipathy. That kind of person isn’t a true brother or sister. I thought again of Harlow. When someone’s inadvertent remark touched on her pride and hurt her, she’d suspect they disliked her and become biased against them. Then she’d falsely open up to justify and defend herself, or she’d talk about knowing herself as a way to bring up that person’s problems. She was always bickering over right and wrong. For example, when the team leader gave her some suggestions about work, she suspected the team leader disliked her and lost her temper. Then afterward in a gathering, by means of “opening up” she spread around that the team leader thought little of her, so that everyone would sympathize with her and develop a critical opinion about the team leader. People usually had to tiptoe around her in their interactions with her, watching the look on her face, taking her pride into account, fearing that a word out of place might impact her state. Interacting with her was really oppressive, and not liberating. Besides, the fact that she was always easily negative and overthinking things seriously impacted work progress. I used to think that she was just sensitive and fragile, that she just tended to get into a huff and sulk when things didn’t go her way. I thought this was a fault in normal humanity, and didn’t constitute any real disturbance or disruption for brothers and sisters or for the church’s work. But lining it up with the facts, I saw that she had actually unwittingly disturbed brothers’ and sisters’ states as well as the life of the church. She had also impacted the normal progress of the church’s work. Going by her consistent behavior, she didn’t accept the truth at all, and was really deceitful. She had been a disturbance to the brothers and sisters and hadn’t played a positive role at all—she was a disbeliever. In the end, the leader learned of her general behavior, took her duty away, and had her isolated for reflection.

After that, I read a passage of God’s words exposing people’s corrupt dispositions. Through this I gained some more discernment of the disposition hidden behind Harlow’s words. God’s words say: “Deceitfulness can usually be seen on the outside: Someone beats around the bush or uses flowery language, and no one can read what they are thinking. That is deceitfulness. What is the primary characteristic of wickedness? It’s that their words sound especially pleasing, and everything seems right on the surface. There doesn’t appear to be any problem, and things look pretty good from every angle. When they do something, you don’t see them using any particular means, and outwardly, there is no sign of weak points or flaws, yet they achieve their goal. They do things in an extremely secretive manner. This is how antichrists mislead people. People and matters like these are the most difficult to discern. Some people often say the right things, use good-sounding excuses, and employ certain doctrines, sayings, or actions that conform to human affection to pull the wool over people’s eyes. They feign one thing while doing another in order to achieve their ulterior purpose. This is wickedness, but most people consider these behaviors to be deceitful. People have a relatively limited understanding and dissection of wickedness. Actually, wickedness is more difficult to discern than deceitfulness because it is more secretive, and its methods and actions are more sophisticated” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Five: They Mislead, Draw In, Threaten, and Control People). God’s words expose that those with evil dispositions would say some things that sound nice and right, that sound agreeable, but hidden behind those things are ulterior motives that cannot be easily discerned. I couldn’t help but think of Harlow’s behavior. She usually liked to talk with people about her state so that they saw she was very focused on life entry, and that she sought and pursued the truth. But in reality, she was intentionally creating this pseudo-spiritual appearance to deceive others into being well-disposed to her and thinking highly of her. She acted like she was talking about her state, but she was actually grumbling, seeking to be comforted, venting her dissatisfaction, and playing for sympathy. She even took up the time of people doing their duty. But at that time I couldn’t see through her motives or discern what sort of person she really was. I just always fellowshipped with her kindly, helping and supporting her. I helped her enthusiastically whenever I saw her struggling in life, and I considered her first for anything beneficial. Now I finally saw from the exposure of God’s words that she had an evil nature, that she was misleading in both word and deed, and that she was hoodwinking and deceiving everyone.

I reflected on myself after that. Why hadn’t I had any discernment over Harlow? As I reflected, I saw a mistaken perspective I’d had. I had taken her being able to talk about her state as being simple and open, as practicing the truth, and hadn’t paid attention to discerning her words. Only through God’s words did I see what being simple and open truly is. God’s words say: “Honesty means giving your heart to God, being genuine with God in all things, being open with Him in all things, never hiding the facts, not trying to deceive those above and below you, and not doing things only to curry favor with God. In short, to be honest is to be pure in your actions and words, and to deceive neither God nor man. … If your words are riddled with excuses and valueless justifications, then I say that you are someone who is loath to put the truth into practice. If you have many confidences that you are reluctant to share, if you are highly averse to laying bare your secrets—your difficulties—before others to seek the way of the light, then I say that you are someone who will not attain salvation easily, and who will not easily emerge from the darkness” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Three Admonitions). I saw from God’s words that being simple and open is principally opening up in fellowship when you face problems or difficulties, or reveal corruptions, not wrapping yourself up in disguise or concealing facts. Opening up is principally to seek the truth in order to quickly resolve problems and difficulties. Through opening up and letting others see the essence of their corruption, brothers and sisters can lay their hearts bare with one another. Opening up in this way is edifying and beneficial. Being simple and open mainly depends on a person’s intentions and motives, and the results achieved. If they talk about prejudices, small household matters and gossip, without any real self-reflection or understanding, they aren’t being genuinely simple and open. They’re just venting about what they don’t like and covertly criticizing others for their problems. There’s no edification or help for people in that kind of openness. Some people even act like they’re open in order to pretend they’re honest people who accept the truth, so that others look up to them. By opening up like that, they are exalting themselves and showing off in a covert way—they are misleading people. When it came to Harlow opening up about her self-knowledge, it was mostly her baseless suspicions of others that she opened up about, as well as the thoughts and ideas she revealed. She never talked about her corrupt dispositions, her hidden intentions, or her motives. She didn’t open up to seek the truth and resolve her corruption, but rather to pour out her grievances, so people would feel sorry for her, comfort her, and sympathize with her. She would also use it to justify and defend herself, so that she wouldn’t be misunderstood. That way she could protect her image in others’ eyes. Her openness didn’t resolve her corrupt disposition, and it didn’t bring brothers and sisters any benefits or edification. So she wasn’t being simple and open—she was playing games and being tricky. I gained some internal clarity once I realized that. I saw clearly that Harlow wasn’t someone who sought the truth, and that she wasn’t simple and open. She was actually really deceitful and evil.

I reflected on myself after that. I’d interacted with Harlow for nearly a year and usually had some awareness of her general issues. So why hadn’t I gained any discernment over her until now? Reflecting on it, I realized that I hadn’t been looking at people and events through the lens of God’s words. Rather, I’d been looking at people’s appearances through my own notions and imaginings. I’d viewed her superficially opening up and wanting to share her state with others as her loving and seeking the truth. I hadn’t looked at her motives in things, or what was actually achieved. I also hadn’t looked at the consistent methods and approaches she took in word and deed, and hadn’t discerned things through God’s words. That’s why I couldn’t see through her essence or gain discernment over her and even treated her like a sister, always making allowances for her, helping and supporting her with love. I was so foolish! Through this experience, I understood that discerning whether a person loves and pursues the truth isn’t about how much they like to seek out people in fellowship or how well they talk about self-knowledge. Rather, it’s about whether they can seek the truth and practice God’s words when facing things, and if they have real entry and change later. I also realized how important it is to discern a person’s essence based on God’s words. You’ll be misled if you can’t discern all kinds of people. You’ll love people blindly, and help and support the wrong people as brothers and sisters. This will ultimately disrupt and disturb the church’s work. Only seeing people and things through God’s words is accurate—this is the only way to discern all kinds of people, and the only way to know how to properly treat people and interact with others. Thank God!