By Joseph, South Korea

After accepting God’s work of the last days, I always gathered with brothers and sisters who had believed in God for a long time. When I saw that everyone could talk about the corruption they revealed when fellowshipping God’s words, and they could check and reflect on themselves and dissect their corruption according to God’s words, I became really envious and began to imitate them. Gradually, I also became able to check myself against God’s words and acknowledge my corruption in gatherings. I thought that this was self-knowledge. Some brothers and sisters saw that I had only believed in God for two or three years, but when I talked about self-knowledge, I spoke in a way that was quite organized and profound, and they would give me looks of admiration. I felt very proud, thinking that I had good caliber and knew how to know myself and that if I continued pursuing this way, I wouldn’t be far from a change in disposition and salvation. After that, I focused on putting effort into fellowshipping my self-knowledge, often citing God’s stern words that exposed people to check myself to make others see that my understanding was deep and penetrating, and that my life entry was better than others’. I never reflected on whether this way of understanding was correct, and it wasn’t until later, after I had been pruned several times, that I realized my self-knowledge was all fake.

In November 2020, I was reviewing videos made by some brothers and sisters with two other sisters. During that time, a lot of videos were submitted and the brothers and sisters raised many issues, and there were some of them that I didn’t know how to resolve. At that point, my perfunctory attitude surfaced. I thought, “I’m responsible for several groups, so I’m quite busy and still have some videos piled up that need to be reviewed. If I carefully ponder and evaluate each video based on principles, and try to earnestly resolve each issue raised by the brothers and sisters, it’ll take quite a bit of effort. How much free time would that leave me with? I’ll just put some of the issues I can’t see through to one side for now. Also, the two sisters cooperating with me are a bit slower in reviewing the videos, so if I check the videos quickly, won’t I just be doing myself a disservice? I’ll just keep to the same pace as everyone else. Besides, no one can do their duty perfectly. There are many truths I don’t fully understand either. It’s impossible to resolve every issue fully, so close enough is good enough.” Thinking this, I didn’t put much effort into resolving some of the issues in the videos or the brothers’ and sisters’ confusions. Later on, I finished reviewing all the videos I had, and since I had reviewed more videos than the sisters cooperating with me, I felt somewhat self-satisfied and thought I was being pretty diligent and responsible in my duty. But some time later, the supervisor reviewed the videos we had submitted, found many principle-based issues, and wrote us a stern letter to prune us, “You’ve been doing this duty for so long, yet these basic issues of principle keep recurring. This really shouldn’t be happening! It’s not that you don’t grasp the principles—this is more of a severe case of perfunctory behavior. You need to properly reflect on your attitude toward your duty!” Hearing the supervisor’s harsh pruning, I felt wronged and resistant. I thought, “I’ve been putting in quite a bit of effort in my duty lately. Why aren’t you mentioning anything positive about us and only focusing on exposing our problems? Besides, nobody can do their duty perfectly, and there are always shortfalls. We have shallow understanding of the truth and can’t see through some issues, so it’s normal that some of the videos we submitted have issues—why can’t you understand that?” In my heart, I kept arguing back. When chatting with the sisters I was cooperating with, I ended up expressing my views, intentionally or otherwise, saying, “The supervisor is too demanding. There’s no such thing as perfection. No matter how many times you check a video, there will still be issues….” Later, when I saw the two sisters writing about their reflections and knowledge, I realized that I had been completely resistant and wanted to argue back when pruned, and that this wasn’t self-knowledge at all! This pruning had come from God, and I had to accept it, reflect, and know myself. So I found relevant words of God to address my perfunctory state in my duty, and I pondered how I could write about my self-reflection more deeply. I quoted the more severe words of God that expose people’s perfunctoriness, saying such things like treating my duty carelessly was a serious betrayal of God, that being perfunctory in my duty indicated poor humanity, and that spreading fallacies to mislead people made me a rotten apple. After writing, I compared my reflections with those of the two sisters and I felt that my reflections were more profound. I felt quite pleased with myself, thinking that I could reflect on and know myself when pruned, that I could profoundly dissect myself in light of God’s words, and I believed I had learned a lesson. I also felt a bit proud, thinking the supervisor would surely feel, after reading my reflections, that I, as the team leader, had deeper understanding than the sisters I collaborated with, and that my life entry was better than theirs. Plus, I had written so negatively about myself, so the supervisor wouldn’t have much to say this time. But to my surprise, a few days later, I received another letter from the supervisor. This letter was even harsher than the one before, directly stating that my self-reflection and knowledge was superficial, that I didn’t truly know myself, and that my fallacious views had misled the sisters and caused everyone to neglect self-knowledge. It also said that the consequences of this were serious, and that I had to reflect further. I found these harsh words of exposure hard to accept, thinking, “How is it that I haven’t truly known myself? I have been drawing on God’s words to reflect on and dissect my corruption, and my understanding is deeper than that of the sisters I work with. Isn’t this true self-knowledge? If the sisters don’t know themselves, how could it be that they were misled by me? I was just speaking casually—how was I misleading them?” For several days, I felt resistant and deeply wronged, believing the supervisor was targeting me and trying to make life difficult for me. I focused entirely on him and didn’t properly reflect on or know myself. My heart grew increasingly dark and dejected, I couldn’t calm my heart in my duty, and my prayers couldn’t find God. I realized that something was wrong with my state. At this point, I recalled the letter I had written to the supervisor. I had written this letter well, and admitted that I had spread negativity and led the sisters I worked with to side with me and become dissatisfied with the supervisor, and I’d also admitted that spreading fallacies and misleading people made me a rotten apple, but why was it that, when the supervisor exposed and pruned me like this, I was unable to accept it and felt so resistant? Didn’t this mean my previous understanding had been false? It hadn’t been true self-knowledge! I also realized that I had only forced myself to write some words to check and know myself to leave a good impression on the supervisor. Wasn’t this kind of self-knowledge false and deceptive? At this point, I gradually realized that I hadn’t truly accepted being pruned, that I didn’t really have any true self-knowledge, and that the darkness and dejection that I felt in my heart were because God was disgusted by what I had done and hiding His face from me. I came before God and prayed, asking Him to enlighten me to see the problems within myself clearly.

Later, I read two passages of God’s words: “When some people fellowship their self-knowledge, the first thing out of their mouths is, ‘I’m a devil, a living Satan, someone who resists God. I rebel against Him and betray Him; I’m a viper, an evil person who should be cursed.’ Is this true self-knowledge? They only speak in generalities. Why do they not offer examples? Why do they not bring the shameful things they did out into the light of day for dissection? Some undiscerning people hear them and think, ‘Now, that is true self-knowledge! To know themselves as a devil, and even to curse themselves—what heights they’ve reached!’ Many people, new believers in particular, are prone to be misled by this talk. They think that the speaker is pure and has spiritual understanding, that this is someone who loves the truth, and is qualified for leadership. However, once they interact with them for a while, they find that this is not so, that the person is not whom they imagined, but is exceptionally false and deceitful, skilled at disguise and pretension, which comes as a great disappointment. … For instance, a person may know that they are deceitful, that they are full of petty schemes and plots, and they may also be able to tell when others reveal deceitfulness. So you should look to whether they truly repent and cast off their deceitfulness after admitting they are deceitful. And if they again reveal deceitfulness, look to whether they feel reproach and a sense of shame for having done so, to whether they are sincerely remorseful. If they have no sense of shame, much less repentance, then their self-knowledge is a cursory, slapdash thing. They are just going through the motions; theirs is not true knowledge. They do not feel that deceit is such an evil thing or that it is demonic, and they certainly do not feel what a shameless, vile behavior deceit is. They think, ‘People are all deceitful. The only ones who aren’t are fools. A bit of deceit doesn’t make you a bad person. I haven’t done evil; I’m not the most deceitful person out there.’ Can such a person truly know themselves? They most certainly cannot. This is because they have no knowledge of their deceitful disposition, they do not abhor deceit, and everything they say about self-knowledge is pretense and empty talk. Not recognizing one’s own corrupt dispositions is not true self-knowledge. The reason that deceitful people cannot truly know themselves is that for them, it is no easy thing to accept the truth. So, no matter how many words and doctrines they can spout, they will not truly change” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only Self-Knowledge Is of Aid in Pursuing the Truth). “How can one distinguish whether a person loves the truth? In one regard, one must look at whether this person can come to know themselves based on God’s word, at whether they can reflect on themselves and feel true remorse; in another regard, one must look at whether they can accept and practice the truth. If they can accept and practice the truth, they are someone who loves the truth and who can submit to God’s work. If they only recognize the truth, but never accept or practice it, as some people say, ‘I understand all of the truth, but I can’t practice it,’ this proves they are not someone who loves the truth. Some people admit that God’s word is the truth and that they have corrupt dispositions, and also say that they are willing to repent and remake themselves anew, but after that, there is no change at all. Their words and actions are still the same as before. When they talk about knowing themselves, it is as if they are telling a joke or shouting a slogan. They do not reflect or come to know themselves in the depths of their hearts at all; the key issue is that they have no attitude of remorse. Less still are they opening up about their corruption candidly in order to genuinely self-reflect. Rather, they are pretending to know themselves by going through the process and the motions of doing so. They are not people who genuinely know themselves or accept the truth. When such people talk about knowing themselves, they are going through the motions; they are engaging in disguise and fraud, and false spirituality. Some people are deceitful, and when they see others fellowshipping their self-knowledge, they think, ‘Everyone else opens up and dissects their own deceit. If I don’t say anything, everyone will think I don’t know myself. I’ll have to go through the motions, then!’ After which, they describe their own deceit as gravely serious, illustrating it in dramatic fashion, and their self-knowledge seems especially profound. Everyone who hears feels they truly know themselves, and thereupon looks upon them with envy, which in turn makes them feel as if they are glorious, as if they’ve just adorned themselves with a halo. This manner of self-knowledge achieved by going through the motions, coupled with their disguise and fraud, misleads others” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. Only Self-Knowledge Is of Aid in Pursuing the Truth). Through the exposure of God’s words, and checking myself against it, I realized that my self-knowledge was nothing but hypocrisy and deceit. My self-knowledge had just been for show to please my supervisor. I thought he had pointed out our issues, saying we were irresponsible and perfunctory in our duties, and with the sisters I was working with all reflecting on themselves, if I didn’t know myself, it would seem like I wasn’t accepting being pruned. If my reflection as the team leader was shallower than others’, wouldn’t that make it seem like my life entry was poor? With this intention, I reluctantly wrote some words of reflection and self-knowledge, but this wasn’t genuine knowledge from the heart, nor was it real understanding from accepting the judgment and chastisement of God’s words. I didn’t feel any sense of pain or indebtedness. It was just for others to see, like I was just chanting slogans and bombast. I verbally recognized my perfunctory attitude, but in my heart, I didn’t really believe it. I even thought, “It’s no big deal if there are some problems or deviations in my duty. Who can do their duty without any issues? The supervisor is just seizing on a small problem in my duty to prune and reprimand me. He’s being too demanding!” I was also spreading discontent against the supervisor behind his back. In what way was this real self-knowledge? What’s worse was that even though I clearly didn’t accept the supervisor’s pruning inwardly, I acted as if I did, applying to myself God’s words of exposing people’s perfunctoriness. I saw that my internal and external states were at odds, deceiving others and giving them a false impression. I was truly deceitful! It was only through the revelation of facts that I became fully convinced. I truly had no real understanding of myself. My self-knowledge was simply formal and empty words, nothing more than pretense and deceit. No matter how deep or thorough my reflection seemed, it was all just phony and fake. Realizing this, I finally came to my senses. In all these years of believing in God, I had always talked about self-knowledge and dissected myself during gatherings, but even with all this knowledge, there still hadn’t been much change. My self-knowledge had only been to gain others’ admiration and praise, to flaunt my so-called good life entry, and even to secretly compare my fellowship and knowledge in gatherings with that of my sisters’, to see who had the deeper and more thorough understanding. My self-knowledge was just on paper, and although I was full of grand slogans and I exposed myself harshly, sometimes even saying I was a devil, a Satan, and an antichrist, this wasn’t truly accepting the judgment of God’s words, and it didn’t come from the heart. Instead, I was just lifting quotes from God’s words to speak grand doctrines that sounded profound, but were actually empty without much real understanding of my corrupt state. This kind of self-knowledge deceived others and blinded me. I always thought that by admitting my corruption and checking myself against what God’s words expose about humans’ corrupt essence, I was truly knowing myself, and I even admired myself for it. But in reality, I couldn’t even accept one correct opinion, and when pruned, I would argue back and try to justify myself. If I carried on like this, even if I believed in God my whole life and talked about self-knowledge every day, I still wouldn’t achieve genuine repentance or change, and in the end, my satanic disposition would remain unchanged, and I would certainly be abandoned and eliminated by God. Realizing this, I saw just how foolish I was and how much danger I was in!

Later, I read another passage of God’s words: “Some antichrists are particularly adept at pretending, cheating people, and putting up a facade. When they encounter people who understand the truth, they start talking about their self-knowledge, and also say that they are a devil and a Satan, that their humanity is bad, and that they deserve to be cursed. Suppose that you ask them, ‘Since you say that you are a devil and a Satan, what evil deeds did you commit?’ They will say: ‘I didn’t do anything, but I am a devil. And I’m not only a devil; I’m also a Satan!’ You then ask them, ‘Since you say that you are a devil and a Satan, which evil acts of a devil and a Satan did you commit, and how did you resist God? Can you tell the truth about the evil things that you did?’ They will say: ‘I didn’t do anything evil!’ You then press further and ask, ‘If you have not done anything evil, then why do you say that you are a devil and a Satan? What are you trying to achieve by saying this?’ When you get serious with them like this, they will have nothing to say. Actually, they have done many bad things, but they absolutely will not share the facts about this with you. They will just talk some big talk and spout some doctrines to speak of their self-knowledge in a hollow way. When it comes to how they specifically drew people in, cheated people, made use of people based on their feelings, failed to take the interests of God’s house seriously, went against the work arrangements, cheated the Above, concealed things from the brothers and sisters, and how much they damaged the interests of God’s house, they won’t say a single word about these facts. Is this true knowledge of oneself? (No.) In saying that they are a devil and a Satan, are they not feigning self-knowledge in order to exalt and testify about themselves? Is this not a method they use? (It is.) The average person cannot see through this method. … Satan sometimes misleads people by exalting and testifying about itself, and sometimes it can admit to its mistakes in a roundabout way when it has no other choice, but it is all a facade, and its aim is to gain people’s sympathy and understanding. It will even say, ‘No one is perfect. Everyone has corrupt dispositions and everybody is capable of making mistakes. As long as one can correct their mistakes, they are a good person.’ When people hear this, they feel that it is right, and continue to worship and follow Satan. Satan’s method is to proactively acknowledge its mistakes, and covertly exalt itself and raise its position in people’s hearts, so that people accept everything about it—even its errors—and then forgive these errors, gradually forget about them, and eventually accept Satan completely, becoming loyal to it unto death, never leaving or abandoning it, and following it until the end. Is this not Satan’s method of doing things? This is how Satan acts, and antichrists also use this kind of method when they act in order to fulfill their ambitions and aims of having people worship and follow them. The consequences that this leads to are the same, and not at all different to the consequences of Satan misleading and corrupting people” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Four: They Exalt and Testify About Themselves). Reflecting on myself, I was exactly as God had exposed. When I was pruned, I was clearly arguing back and refusing to submit inside, but to make others say I could accept the truth, and to replace the supervisor’s negative impression of me with a good one instead, I dissected and knew my problems without hesitation and I used some harsh words to check myself, saying I was “lacking humanity,” “misleading others,” and “disturbing and disrupting church work,” to make others think I understood myself deeply and thoroughly. In truth, I was taking one step back to take two steps forward, using my immediate admission of fault to silence others and make everyone endorse me, admire me, and say that I could accept the truth, had life entry, and corrected my mistakes once I knew of them. I used appearances and empty doctrine to package myself, when really, I just wanted to show off, exalt myself, and deceive others. I saw that my knowledge hid many shameful motives and schemes intended to whitewash myself, mislead others, and make them admire me. I was truly disgusting! Moreover, I didn’t actually think my problems were that serious, but I described myself as hideous and despicable. In essence, what I was doing was bearing false witness to mislead others. It was only through this revelation that I saw just how deceitful my nature truly was that I could even fake and counterfeit my self-knowledge. The supervisor’s exposure and pruning were absolutely right!

Later, I read a passage of God’s words, and gained some understanding of the wrong path I’d been taking. Almighty God says: “Among those who seek life, Paul was someone who did not know his own substance. He was by no means humble or submissive, nor did he know his essence, which was in opposition to God. And so, he was someone who had not undergone detailed experiences, and was someone who did not put the truth into practice. Peter was different. He knew his imperfections, weaknesses, and his corrupt disposition as a created being, and so he had a path of practice through which to change his disposition; he was not one of those who only had doctrine but possessed no reality. Those who change are new people who have been saved, they are those who are qualified in pursuing the truth. People who do not change belong to those who are naturally obsolete; they are those who have not been saved, that is, those who are spurned by God. They will not be remembered by God no matter how great their work. When you compare this with your own pursuit, whether you are ultimately the same kind of person as Peter or Paul should be self-evident. If there is still no truth in what you seek, and if even today you are still as arrogant and insolent as Paul, and are still as glib and boastful as him, then you are without doubt a degenerate who fails. If you seek the same as Peter, if you seek practices and true changes, and are not arrogant or willful, but seek to perform your duty, then you will be a created being who can achieve victory. Paul did not know his own essence or corruption, much less did he know his own rebelliousness. He never mentioned his despicable defiance of Christ, nor was he overly regretful. He only offered a brief explanation and, deep down in his heart, he did not completely yield to God. Though he fell on the road to Damascus, he did not look deep within himself. He was content merely to keep working, and he did not consider knowing himself and changing his old disposition to be the most crucial of issues. He was satisfied with merely speaking the truth, with providing to others as a salve for his own conscience, and with no longer persecuting Jesus’ disciples to console himself and forgive himself for his past sins. The goal that he pursued was nothing more than a future crown and transitory work, the goal he pursued was abundant grace. He did not seek sufficient truth, nor did he seek to progress deeper into the truth which he had previously not understood. His knowledge of himself can therefore be said to be false, and he did not accept chastisement or judgment. That he was able to work does not mean he possessed a knowledge of his own nature or essence; his focus was on outward practices only. What he strived for, moreover, was not change, but knowledge. His work was completely the result of the appearance of Jesus on the road to Damascus. It was not something he had resolved to do originally, nor was it work that occurred after he had accepted the pruning of his old disposition. No matter how he worked, his old disposition did not change, and so his work did not atone for his past sins but merely played a certain role among the churches of the time. For someone such as this, whose old disposition did not change—that is to say, who did not gain salvation, and was even more without the truth—he was absolutely incapable of becoming one of those accepted by the Lord Jesus” (The Word, Vol. 1. The Appearance and Work of God. Success or Failure Depends on the Path That Man Walks). God’s words expose the paths Peter and Paul took. Peter’s success in believing in God lay in his earnest pursuit of truth and focus on self-knowledge. He rigorously checked himself against the words of the Lord Jesus that exposed humanity, reflected on himself in light of God’s words, and eventually gained true self-knowledge. Paul’s failure was due to his lack of knowledge of his corrupt essence. He was content with merely verbal recognition, calling himself a sinner and the chief of sinners. But he never dissected or laid bare how he rebelled against and resisted the Lord Jesus, or what evil he committed. His self-knowledge was empty and false. Not only did this fail to bring him a change in life disposition, but it made him even more arrogant, and in the end, he brazenly testified to himself, saying that he was living as Christ. Through the exposure of God’s words, I realized that I was walking the same path as Paul. In all these years of believing in God, I had spoken about self-knowledge in gatherings and before brothers and sisters, saying I was arrogant, selfish, vile, and lacking humanity, even claiming to be a devil and a Satan, with words of self-knowledge flowing easily from my mouth, and no matter which aspect of my corrupt disposition I was recognizing, I could speak on it for ten to twenty minutes. But in my heart, I didn’t feel any pain or distress. I couldn’t help but ask myself, “With all this self-knowledge, in all these years, have I truly accepted any of God’s words of judgment? Have I truly come to hate myself? What aspect of my corrupt disposition has really changed?” Every time in gatherings or when others exposed me, I would discuss some doctrinal knowledge to just go through the motions, but I’d feel no sense of guilt or indebtedness in my heart, and afterward, I’d never think about how to pursue change. The more I recognized myself this way, the more negligent I became and I lost my motivation to progress in my duties. My self-knowledge didn’t bring about any change in me at all. Instead, it made me self-satisfied and self-admiring. I thought that I had acknowledged my perfunctoriness, selfishness, and despicableness, and that I had recognized my lack of humanity. I even thought my understanding was deeper and more thorough than others’ and that this meant I had entered into the truth. Such hypocritical self-knowledge not only deceived others but also misled me, and in the end, I was the one who suffered a loss. In fact, some brothers and sisters discerned this so-called self-knowledge of mine. One brother even said to me, “The self-knowledge you talk about seems grand and beyond the reach of most people, and at first, I admired it, but over time, I didn’t see you attain much change or entry!” On reflection, it’s really pitiful! Over the years, while doing my duties, God arranged many environments for me and I also faced a lot of pruning, but I let all these opportunities slip away and I didn’t properly reflect on or know myself in these matters. God has expressed so many words, exposing all aspects of human corrupt dispositions with the hope that people can truly accept the judgment of His words, cast off their corrupt dispositions, and achieve salvation. But I just used the literal words of God as a tool to show off, equipping myself with a heap of doctrine, but didn’t change my corrupt disposition at all. I was just like the hypocritical Pharisees. Thinking of this, I felt a sense of crisis, and realized I couldn’t continue like this, so I prayed to God, asking Him to guide me to correct my wrong pursuits and truly know myself.

Through prayer and seeking, I found a path of practice and entry in God’s words. God’s words say: “If your self-knowledge only involves the cursory recognition of superficial things—if you merely say that you are arrogant and self-righteous, that you rebel against and resist God—then this is not true knowledge, but doctrine. You must integrate the facts into this: You must bring to light whichever matters you hold mistaken intents and views or distorted opinions on for fellowship and dissection. Only this is truly knowing oneself. You should not gain an understanding of yourself based on your actions alone; you must grasp what is key and resolve the root of the problem. Once a period of time has gone by, you must reflect on yourself and summarize which problems you have resolved, and which still remain. So, too, must you seek the truth to solve these problems. You must not be passive, you must not always need others to coax you or push you to do things, or to even lead you by the nose; you must have your own path for life entry. You must frequently examine yourself to see what things you have said and done that are at odds with the truth, which of your intents are wrong, and what corrupt dispositions you have revealed. If you always practice and enter in this way—if you make strict demands of yourself—then you will gradually be able to understand the truth, and have life entry. When you genuinely understand the truth, you will see that you really are nothing. For one thing, you have a seriously corrupt disposition; for another, you lack too much, and you do not understand any truths. If a day comes when you truly possess such self-knowledge, you will no longer be capable of arrogance, and in many matters you will possess sense, and be capable of submission. What is the key issue right now? Through fellowship and dissection on the essence of notions, people have come to understand the reason that they form notions; they are able to resolve some notions, but this does not mean that they can see clearly the essence of every notion, it just means that they have some self-knowledge, but their knowledge is not yet deep enough or clear enough. In other words, they still cannot see their own nature essence clearly, nor can they see what corrupt dispositions have taken root in their hearts. There is a limit to how much a person can gain knowledge of themselves in this way. Some people say, ‘I’m aware that my disposition is extremely arrogant—does this not mean I know myself?’ Such knowledge is too superficial; it cannot solve the problem. If you truly know yourself, then why are you still seeking personal advancement, why do you still crave status and distinction? This means that your arrogant nature has not been eradicated. Therefore, change must start from your thoughts and views and the intents behind your words and actions” (The Word, Vol. 3. The Discourses of Christ of the Last Days. How Man Crosses Into the New Age). After reading God’s words, I gained some clarity on the path to self-knowledge. I reflected on and recognized myself regarding this matter, asking myself, “Why was I so perfunctory in my duty? Why was I unwilling to accept it when the supervisor exposed and pruned me for my irresponsibility? What intentions and viewpoints were driving this?” In my reflection, I realized this: On one hand, I considered my flesh too much, and I just wanted to slack off whenever I needed to endure fleshly suffering. Moreover, I had the despicable thought that since the duty was shared among three people, if I reviewed more, put in more effort, or suffered more than my sisters, I’d be a fool and doing myself a disservice. I treated my duty like I was working for an employer, always calculating my gains and losses and feeling shortchanged if I did a bit more work or suffered a bit more than others. It looked like I was doing my duty, but in reality, I was full of wicked schemes and only thinking of my own benefit. I was so selfish and despicable! What’s more, I found that I had another wrong viewpoint, which was that I believed no one was perfect, that no one could do their duty perfectly, and that having some problems or deviations was normal, so when I was pruned, I didn’t reflect on or know myself, and just thought the supervisor was being too demanding instead. When I truly reflected on and dissected myself, I realized that this viewpoint didn’t conform to the truth. Although God doesn’t require us to do our duties perfectly, He does hope that we can give it our all in our duties. This is the principle we should adhere to in our duties. But I held to erroneous viewpoints and was unwilling to put in effort even when a bit more attention could prevent problems. I wasn’t trying my best, let alone was I putting my heart into it. This led to more and more issues emerging in my duty, directly hindering and causing losses to my duty. Upon realizing this, I was able to understand a little about my inner state.

Just as I was gaining some understanding, the supervisor came to hold a gathering with us, asking us how we had understood our being pruned and revealed recently. I began organizing what I was going to say in my head, wondering, “How can I speak so that the supervisor will think I have self-knowledge? How can I make it seem that I have a deep understanding? If my understanding seems too shallow, will the supervisor and my partnered sisters look down on me for having poor life entry?” When I thought this way, I immediately realized, “Aren’t I still trying to disguise myself with profound doctrines to gain admiration from others?” I knew this was an opportunity God had set up for me to practice the truth and be an honest person, so I prayed to God in my heart, resolving that regardless of how the brothers and sisters saw me, I had to speak the truth from my heart and share as much as I understood. After that, I fellowshipped my behavior of packaging myself and of misleading others, and the intentions behind it. I also confessed that at that moment, I only recognized that my previous understanding had been phony and fake, and I was aware of my intention to be perfunctory, but I hadn’t fully realized the nature and consequences of my perfunctoriness. After I expressed my true thoughts and understanding, I felt at ease in my heart, as if I had finally let others see my true self, and that I no longer needed to rack my brain to package myself. Later, I would often eat and drink God’s words of judgment and exposure regarding my perfunctory state in my duty, and I would reflect on and recognize my state and behavior. If I couldn’t understand something, I would seek from my brothers and sisters. Through everyone’s guidance and help, I gained some real understanding of myself, and my perfunctoriness decreased when I did my duty again. When I encountered problems and difficulties in my duty and didn’t know how to solve them, I would pray to God about these problems and rely on Him, seeking relevant truth principles, or I would fellowship with the sisters I was working with, or seek from the supervisor, striving to fully understand and clarify these issues. Although practicing this way took more time and effort and caused me to suffer a bit more than usual, through seeking and fellowship, I came to understand some truths more clearly, problems were promptly resolved, and the effectiveness of the work gradually improved.

Through this experience, I found some paths of practice in relation to self-knowledge. I also realized that only by grasping my thoughts, intentions and revelations of corruption, and reflecting on and understanding them in light of God’s words, could I gain the enlightenment of the Holy Spirit, see the nature of the problems, recognize my corrupt disposition and essence, truly hate myself, and be willing to repent and change. Applying labels to oneself, adhering to regulations, and hypocritically recognizing oneself, are things done to impress others and do not lead to genuine remorse or repentance. At most, these things result in regulation-following and self-restraint, but after a while, old problems will recur. It’s like religious people who sin and then confess. No matter how many years they believe in God, they can’t achieve a change in disposition. I realized how crucial it is to truly know oneself, as this directly relates to whether we can repent, change, and be saved. Looking back on my years of believing in God, I appeared to eat and drink God’s words and do my duties every day, but I didn’t truly accept the judgment or chastisement of God’s words. If it hadn’t been for this experience of being pruned, I’d still be living in my notions and imaginings, and not know myself. I thank God for arranging this situation to correct the deviations in my pursuit.