By Xincheng, China

In July of 2020, I was elected as a church leader and put in charge of the church’s work along with Sister Chen Shi. When I first started in that duty, I lacked a clear grasp of many principles and would discuss with her whenever I had a question. I readily accepted any advice she gave to me. After a while, I started getting some results in my duty; I felt like I was competent in my work and could operate independently. After that, when assigning work, I’d just handle it myself without discussing with Chen Shi. Even in some cases where we should’ve come to a decision together, I’d make the decision myself. Seeing that I wasn’t acting according to principle, Chen Shi would often remind me to stop making arbitrary decisions. Sometimes she’d even say this in front of the deacons. I felt like she had had it out for me—she had no regard for my dignity and was embarrassing me. So I felt a bit resistant to her. Sometimes when we discussed work, she’d reject my ideas, and I’d get defiant, thinking: “We’re both in charge of the church’s work, so why is it that what you say is right, and what I say is wrong? You’re always rejecting my ideas—doesn’t that make it seem like you’re better than me? Won’t the brothers and sisters think I’m a bad leader? How will I face everyone then?” I developed a bias against her. After that, when we discussed work, as soon as my idea was rejected, I would just go silent. Even though sometimes I thought she was right, the thought of relenting to her made me uncomfortable. Over time, my bias against her only grew. I didn’t want to talk to her, much less did I want to discuss work with her. She was really constrained by me, and I also felt very inhibited and repressed.

In January of 2021, due to health issues, our long-standing lack of harmonious cooperation, and feeling constrained by me, Chen Shi succumbed to a bout of negativity from which she never recovered. She eventually resigned from her position. In October, the church was holding an election to fill a vacant leadership spot. An upper leader brought up Chen Shi, asking about her situation. One co-worker, Sister Wang Zhixin, said, “Her state has greatly improved recently and she’s bearing more of a burden in her duty.” This made me feel a bit worried: “I guess she thinks highly of Chen Shi. Hearing that, the leader will certainly think Chen Shi is suitable for the position. If she really is elected, then won’t that mean we’ll be working together again?” Thinking back on our time together, I felt terrified: “Before, when we had different opinions on how to proceed with work, most co-workers would side with Chen Shi—no one listened to me. She also has a sense of justice. When she noticed I wasn’t acting by principle, she’d point that out to me, making me feel embarrassed. It was really miserable working with her. If I have to work with her again, won’t it be the same? If she’s always pointing out my problems, won’t the image I’ve established among the brothers and sisters be ruined?” Realizing this, I really didn’t want to work with Chen Shi. I thought, “This won’t do, I’ve got to tell everyone about the corruption she had revealed before, otherwise it’ll be a real pain if she’s elected.” With that, I quickly described all of her poor behaviors, including how she was concerned with status and didn’t bear a burden in her duty, and more. Worrying that I wasn’t being specific enough, I also brought up some real examples to prove my point. The leader perceived that I couldn’t treat Chen Shi fairly, and fellowshipped with me on the principle of treating others fairly, but I didn’t take it in. A few days later, the election had officially started, and Sister Li Ming asked me about Chen Shi’s situation. I thought to myself, “She’s not close with Chen Shi and doesn’t know her well. I’ve got to let her know Chen Shi isn’t suited to be a leader. That way, she won’t vote for her.” So I told her all about Chen Shi’s bad behaviors from before, including not bearing a burden in her duty. But just then, a sister nearby said, “Chen Shi didn’t bear a burden then because she was in a bad state. Lately, she’s turned her state around and is bearing a burden in her duty. Also, she patiently fellowships with and helps us when there’s something we don’t understand in our duties.” When I heard this, I got anxious: “Why do you keep complimenting Chen Shi? Did you already vote for her? Will Li Ming vote for her too after she heard what you said? If she really is elected, we’ll be working together again. Then, not only will I be unable to distinguish myself, I’ll have to be corrected by her all the time too. It’d be better if a new partner was selected. That way, since I’ve been a leader for a while and understand more principles, they’ll agree with my opinions most of the time. Even if I do something wrong, they’ll probably not see it clearly and won’t directly criticize me, so my status will be unchallenged.” The more I thought about it, the more I felt that I couldn’t let Chen Shi be elected. So I immediately said Chen Shi didn’t have much life experience and only shared words and doctrines. Seeing Li Ming nod her head, I felt a bit relieved, thinking it meant she probably wouldn’t vote for Chen Shi. To my surprise, in the end Chen Shi and another sister tied for most votes. I became even more worried that Chen Shi would be elected and start working with me again. A while later, the leader asked me, “If Chen Shi really is elected, how will you feel?” The question got me worried that they might really elect Chen Shi, so I hurriedly said: “Chen Shi doesn’t have much life experience and she has a gravely corrupt disposition….” The leader could tell how resistant I was to Chen Shi and again exposed me, “You only notice people’s weaknesses and never note their strengths. You won’t be able to collaborate well with anyone being like that. You’re being arrogant and conceited.” Hearing the leader say that I wouldn’t collaborate well with anyone hit me hard. I felt like the leader had uncovered my intentions, and certainly wouldn’t think well of me. Now, the brothers and sisters and the leaders both liked Chen Shi, so how would I continue doing my duty? I felt just awful and didn’t even want to be a leader anymore. I thought, “If you all think she’s so good, just elect her already.” So I said to the leader, “I don’t have good humanity and can’t collaborate with anyone. I can’t do this duty anymore. I think you should select another leader to replace me.” The leader fellowshipped with me, saying, “I’m not saying you’re being arrogant and conceited to delimit you, but to press you to seek the truth and resolve your corrupt disposition….” Hearing this, I realized I was venting my anger on my duty, and felt a bit guilty and uneasy. But when I thought about working with Chen Shi, I’d get agitated. I didn’t want to deal with this situation, so I said I had other work as an excuse and left. I felt really gloomy inside—I realized I was standing in opposition to God and He had hidden His face from me. I was also avoiding the situation He had arranged for me. If I didn’t turn things around, God would despise me and I’d lose the work of the Holy Spirit. At this point, I felt a bit frightened, so I came before God in prayer: “God, there is a lesson I must learn from the situation You’ve arranged for me today. It’s wrong of me to avoid and resist it, but I’m not sure how to reflect on and understand myself. Please guide me to submit to Your arrangements and learn a lesson in the process.” After prayer, I felt a bit more peaceful.

The election result was announced the next day: Chen Shi had been elected as leader. The news didn’t affect me that much. I began to reflect on myself: I had constantly been criticizing Chen Shi’s corruption and inadequacies, but had never mentioned her strengths and merits. Wasn’t I excluding her? So I looked up passages of God’s words concerning how antichrists exclude their dissenters. One passage of God’s words really hit home. Almighty God says: “How do antichrists exclude and attack those who pursue the truth? They often use methods that others see as reasonable and proper, even using debates about the truth to gain leverage, in order to attack, condemn, and mislead other people. For example, an antichrist thinks that if their partners are people who pursue the truth, they can threaten their status, and thus the antichrist will deliver lofty sermons and discuss spiritual theories to mislead people and make people think highly of them. That way they can belittle and suppress their partners and co-workers, and make people feel that although the partners of their leader are people who pursue the truth, they are not their leader’s equal in terms of caliber and ability. Some people even say, ‘Our leader’s sermons are lofty, and no one can compare.’ For an antichrist, hearing that kind of comment is extremely satisfying. They think to themselves, ‘You’re my partner, don’t you have some truth realities? Why can’t you speak with the eloquence and elevation that I do? You are thoroughly humiliated now. You lack the ability, yet you dare contend with me!’ That is what the antichrist is thinking. What is the antichrist’s goal? They’re trying every means possible to suppress, belittle, and put themselves above other people. This is how an antichrist treats everyone who pursues the truth or works with them. … In addition to these evil deeds, antichrists do something even more despicable, which is that they always try to figure out how to gain leverage over those who pursue the truth. For example, if some people have fornicated or committed some other transgression, antichrists seize on these as leverage to attack them, look for opportunities to insult, expose, and slander them, label them to discourage their enthusiasm for performing their duties so that they feel negative. Antichrists also cause God’s chosen people to discriminate against them, shun them, and reject them, so that those who pursue the truth are isolated. In the end, when all those who pursue the truth feel negative and weak, no longer actively perform their duties, and are unwilling to attend gatherings, the goal of antichrists is achieved. Since those who pursue the truth no longer pose a threat to their status and power, and no one dares to report or expose them anymore, antichrists can feel at ease. … In summary, based on these manifestations of antichrists, we may determine that they are not performing the duty of leadership, because they are not leading people in eating and drinking God’s words or fellowshipping about the truth, and they are not watering or sustaining people, allowing them to obtain the truth. Instead, they disrupt and disturb church life, dismantle and destroy the work of the church, and impede people on the path of pursuing the truth and obtaining salvation. They want to lead God’s chosen people astray and cause them to lose the chance to be granted salvation. This is the ultimate goal that antichrists want to achieve by disrupting and disturbing the work of the church” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Three: They Exclude and Attack Those Who Pursue the Truth). This passage of God’s words really struck me where it hurt. God exposes how antichrists suppress and exclude their dissenters, finding fault in and disparaging those that pursue the truth, in order to solidify their own status. Wasn’t that just how I was treating Chen Shi? During the election, when I saw how everyone thought favorably of her, I remembered when we worked together before, how the others all accepted her ideas most of the time and she got all the attention instead of me. She’d always pointed out my faults, too, making me lose face. I worried that if she were elected again, it would be the same as before—the brothers and sisters would only listen to and admire her, and no one would listen to me anymore. So, when a co-worker said Chen Shi could bear a burden, and when another sister thought of voting for her, I felt a sense of crisis and did all I could to deny her strengths, making a big deal of her previous instances of corruption. I said she didn’t have much life experience and didn’t pursue the truth, trying to make everyone develop bias against her so they wouldn’t vote for her. When the leader noticed my issue and pruned me for treating Chen Shi unfairly, I saw that I hadn’t got what I wanted, after which I became unreasonable, wanting to abandon my duty. Everything I said was full of cunning and ulterior motives. It was all to protect my pride and status. How was that any different from antichrists who, in order to solidify their status, attack those that pursue the truth? Now, there was an urgent need for people to cooperate in the work of the church; even though Chen Shi had shown signs of corruption and had deficiencies, she had a sense of justice and bore a burden in her duty. She sought the truth when faced with issues and was someone who pursued the truth, so she met the qualifications of a leader. But I’d worried that she’d threaten my status in the eyes of the others, so I had done everything I could to disparage and exclude her, without the slightest consideration for the work of the church. I hadn’t been at all considerate of God’s intentions—in what way was I doing my duty? I was disturbing and disrupting the church’s work; I was doing evil! Having realized this, I suddenly felt how truly appalling I’d been. In the past, I’d always thought excluding and punishing people were the acts of an antichrist, but now I realized that I, too, had an antichrist disposition and was walking the path of an antichrist. If I didn’t repent, I would only be spurned and eliminated by God. Coming to this realization, I felt horrified, but I also understood that being pruned and revealed was my opportunity to reflect and repent. I needed to seek the truth to resolve my corrupt disposition, and properly cooperate with Chen Shi to do the church’s work well and make up for past regrets.

After that, I opened up to my brothers and sisters about my corruption so they could have discernment toward my prior statements about Chen Shi and treat her properly. I stopped excluding and resisting Chen Shi when I saw her, and actively asked and cared about her state, discussed work and collaborated with her. Gradually, we started to get along much better with each other, and I felt much more at ease. In particular, during gatherings, when Chen Shi spoke very practically about her experience and understanding, I felt even greater shame, then—I’d almost cost my sister this opportunity to practice as a leader. I had almost done evil.

Later on, I continued to seek the truth and reflect on myself. I came across this passage of God’s words: “Antichrists’ cherishment of their reputation and status goes beyond that of normal people, and is something within their disposition essence; it is not a temporary interest, or the transient effect of their surroundings—it is something within their life, their bones, and so it is their essence. This is to say that in everything antichrists do, their first consideration is their own reputation and status, nothing else. For antichrists, reputation and status are their life, and their lifelong goal. In all they do, their first consideration is: ‘What will happen to my status? And to my reputation? Will doing this give me a good reputation? Will it elevate my status in people’s minds?’ That is the first thing they think about, which is ample proof that they have the disposition and essence of antichrists; they would not consider these problems otherwise. … Although antichrists also believe in God, they see the pursuit of reputation and status as equivalent to faith in God and give it equal weight. Which is to say, as they walk the path of faith in God, they also pursue their own reputation and status. It can be said that in antichrists’ hearts, they believe that pursuit of the truth in their faith in God is the pursuit of reputation and status; the pursuit of reputation and status is also the pursuit of the truth, and to gain reputation and status is to gain the truth and life. If they feel that they have no reputation, gains, or status, that no one admires them, or esteems them, or follows them, then they are very disappointed, they believe there is no point in believing in God, no value to it, and they say to themselves, ‘Is such faith in god a failure? Is it hopeless?’ They often deliberate such things in their hearts, they deliberate how they can carve a place out for themselves in the house of God, how they can have a lofty reputation in the church, so that people listen when they talk, and support them when they act, and follow them wherever they go; so that they have the final say in the church, and fame, gain, and status—they really focus on such things in their hearts. These are what such people pursue” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Nine (Part Three)). God exposes how antichrists treasure reputation and status, and how everything they do serves their pursuit of power. They want everyone to obey them and to have a place for them in their hearts. In essence, they do all this to establish their own independent kingdom and to vie with God for people—to make people worship them. I saw how my manifestations were just like those that God exposed. I was always trying to protect my image in the eyes of others, seeking status and to have the last word. I wanted to be the center of everyone’s attention. When someone more talented than me came along, I saw them as a threat to my status, and would attack and exclude them. That’s exactly how I treated Chen Shi. Worrying that I wouldn’t be able to distinguish myself if she were chosen to be leader, I made a big deal of her past corruptions to mislead the others into not voting for her. I even hoped that a new partner would be elected. That way, given that I had been a leader for much longer, no matter what I said or did, even if it didn’t accord with principle, my new partner wouldn’t see things clearly and wouldn’t expose or criticize me. I would then be the top dog at the church, whatever I said would go, and I could do whatever I wanted. My ambitions and desires were completely out of hand—I was in grave danger! To maintain their autocratic rule, the CCP only permits people to follow them and submit to them. They absolutely prohibit people from believing in and following God, and those who do believe will be viciously arrested and persecuted. I, as well, could even suppress and exclude people to safeguard my own status. I simply couldn’t believe how awful I’d become for the sake of status. As a church leader, I should work together with those that pursue the truth, united in heart and mind, to do the work of the church well, and bring the brothers and sisters before God. But all I would think of was reputation and status—I had no room in my heart for the work of the church or the life entry of my brothers and sisters, and I had no God-fearing heart whatsoever. I had believed in God for years, yet I still suppressed my sister for the sake of my status. What I did truly disgusted God!

I realized there was another reason I had suppressed and excluded Chen Shi: She had kept criticizing me, exposing me, and making me lose face. I found the following passage of God’s words regarding this state: “What should you do if you wish to give the path of an antichrist a wide berth? You should take the initiative to draw close to people who love the truth, people who are upright, get close to people who can point out your issues, who can speak truthfully and reproach you when they discover your problems, and especially people who can prune you when they discover your problems—these are the people who are most beneficial to you, and you should cherish them. If you exclude and get rid of such good people, then you will lose God’s protection, and disaster will gradually come to you. By getting close to good people and people who understand the truth, you will have peace and joy, and you will be able to keep disaster at bay; by getting close to vile people, shameless people, and people who flatter you, you will be in danger. Not only will you be easily duped and tricked, but disaster may come upon you at any time. You must know what kind of person can benefit you the most—it is those who can warn you when you do something wrong, or when you exalt and testify about yourself and mislead others, that can benefit you the most. Getting close to such people is the correct path to take. Are you capable of this? If someone says something that damages your reputation and you spend the rest of your life resenting them, saying, ‘Why did you expose me? I’ve never mistreated you. Why do you always have to make things difficult for me?’ and you bear a grudge in your heart, a rift opens up, and you always think, ‘I’m a leader, I have this identity and status, and I won’t allow you to speak that way,’ then what kind of manifestation is this? It is not accepting the truth and setting yourself in opposition to others; it is being somewhat deaf to reason. Isn’t this your thought of status stirring up trouble? This shows that your corrupt dispositions are too severe. Those who always harbor thoughts of status are people with a severe antichrist disposition. If they also commit evil, then they will very quickly be revealed and eliminated. It is so dangerous for people to reject and not accept the truth! Always having the desire to vie for status and wanting to covet the benefits of status are signs of danger. When one’s heart is always constrained by status, can one still practice the truth and handle things according to principle? If one is unable to put the truth into practice and always acts for the sake of fame, gain, and status, and always uses their power to do things, then aren’t they an obvious antichrist showing their true colors?” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Four: They Exalt and Testify About Themselves). Reading God’s words, I realized the brothers and sisters weren’t exposing and criticizing me to make fun of, disparage or embarrass me, but to help me come to know myself. This would be beneficial to my life and would ensure I didn’t go down the wrong path. I thought back to when Chen Shi and I had collaborated, and she had exposed me directly after noticing I was being arrogant, conceited and acting arbitrarily. That was the loving help that she’d given me. Having someone like that by my side to supervise me was beneficial to my growth in life. But, at the time, I didn’t accept it from God and constantly felt like she was making me lose face by criticizing and exposing me in front of others, so I developed a bias toward her and excluded her. These were all manifestations of my antichrist disposition. God’s words had given me a path of practice: I should spend more time with honest, forthright people that pursue the truth, and when I did something wrong and went against principle, I should abandon my status and pride and listen to their thoughts. In this way, I could avoid doing evil. I thought of how, even though I was a leader, I still lacked insight into many issues and was under the control of my corrupt disposition, and therefore I couldn’t avoid causing some disruption and disturbance in my duty. Only by working harmoniously with others and engaging in mutual help and support would I be able to do my duty and carry out church work well. After I understood God’s intention, I opened up to Chen Shi and apologized to her, telling her the whole story of how I’d attacked and suppressed her. Hearing that, she fellowshipped on her own experience to help me. By opening up and fellowshipping we were able to remove the barrier between us.

There was a time when I had neglected the work of general affairs because I was busy with other work. Sister Yang Yanyi, who was in charge of that work, didn’t mince words in criticizing me, “You haven’t had a gathering with us for two months, you haven’t resolved the difficulties we’ve had in our duties, and our lives have been negatively affected. God’s words say false leaders and workers assign work and then don’t follow up on it, so aren’t you a false leader?” Hearing the sister say this, I refused to accept it, and justified things to myself: “I’ve asked about your state these two months, just not that often. And also, it’s because I’ve been busy with other work. You can’t call me a false leader just because of that. With you being like this, how do I dare to follow up on your work in the future? If you catch me doing something wrong again, and go to the upper-level leaders to report and inform on me as a false leader, won’t I lose my status? This won’t do, I can’t let you oversee work in the future.” But then, I thought of how I’d attacked and excluded Chen Shi before, and here I was again not wanting to let Yanyi oversee work after she voiced her opinion about me. Wasn’t I still attacking and excluding those with differing views? I recalled a passage of God’s words: “You must get close to people who can speak truthfully to you; having people like this beside you is greatly to your advantage. In particular, having such good people around you as those who, when they discover a problem with you, have the courage to reproach you and expose you, can prevent you from going astray. They don’t care what your status is, and the moment they discover that you have done something against the truth principles, then they will reproach and expose you if necessary. Only such people are upright people, people with a sense of justice, and no matter how they expose and reproach you, it is all of help to you, and it is all about supervising you and pushing you forward. You must draw close to such people; having such people beside you, helping you, you become relatively much safer—this is what it is to have God’s protection” (The Word, Vol. 4. Exposing Antichrists. Item Four: They Exalt and Testify About Themselves). Pondering God’s words, I gradually calmed down. I considered carefully that, although Yanyi had pruned me quite harshly, she had spoken the truth. During those two months, I hadn’t understood or resolved her state and her issues. Her life entry really had been adversely affected. As a church leader, it was my responsibility to keep abreast of the brothers’ and sisters’ states and resolve their difficulties in life entry—I couldn’t shirk my responsibility, no matter how busy I was. But I hadn’t shown any concern for Yanyi. When she’d given me some suggestions, I’d wanted to vengefully attack her because I thought she was damaging my reputation and status, and that if she informed on me my status would be lost. I was truly malicious! When Yanyi pruned me, she was supervising my work and practicing the truth. If I attacked and sought revenge against her, I’d be going against the truth and doing evil. Realizing this, I prayed to God, “Dear God, I’ve realized I have a malicious nature. In order to guard my reputation, I wanted to attack and seek revenge against Yanyi. This is punishing people. Oh God, I no longer wish to act according to my corrupt disposition. I’m ready to practice the truth and accept Yanyi’s suggestions.” After prayer, I felt especially guilty and wanted to apologize, but to my surprise, she apologized to me first, saying she had been a little out of line and had spoken with a corrupt disposition. I also apologized to her: “You were correct to prune me. I really didn’t carry out real work and I ought to reflect on this.” I felt that the brothers and sisters pruning and helping me was so that I could realize that I hadn’t done real work. This came from God and was His protection for me. Thanks be to God!

Through these experiences, I realized I had been deeply corrupted by Satan and was too covetous of reputation and status. When it came to my pride and status, I could even suppress and exclude people. I also realized that no matter what situation we face, we must focus on reflecting upon and knowing ourselves, and on seeking the truth to resolve our corrupt dispositions. Only then can we avoid doing evil and resisting God. Thanks be to God!